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Today, Stu woke up not feeling like shit for once. That was the thing with depression. No matter how much you slept, you always woke up feeling worse than when you were awake. Not today, though. Today, he actually felt rested and had energy. He sat up and reached for his blunt and lighter, lit up, and let the herbal taste overcome him. This was Stu's perfect way to start the day.
When he finished smoking, Stu figured it was time to get dressed, but then again, who was he getting dressed for? There was nobody in the house save for him, Nina, and the cats. The cats sure as hell don't care if he's presentable and Nina's gone for the day, or so he thought, as now that the herbal scent was fading, he started to smell the scent of something baking wafting in the air. Stu grabbed his phone and felt himself grow cold when he saw the date.
It was his birthday.
It was the anniversary of his friends' murder.
It was as if all the energy Stu once had was instantly sucked out of him. How was he to face Nina knowing that she wanted to celebrate his birthday? Did he ever tell her about Blur's death? He thought he had, but he could be wrong. He must be wrong because if he had, then there wouldn't be something baking. All he wanted to do was hide underneath the bed and wait for this day to pass over him. Stu was a selfish man; were it not for his stomach feeling like it would eat itself, then he would act on his instinct and not come out for the rest of the day. Instead, though he pulled on his hoodie and sweatpants and slowly made his way down the hallway to the kitchen.
"Stu, good morning!" Nina greeted him in a chipper voice.
Where Stu felt like he had everything drained out of him, Nina was the complete opposite. Her smile and bubbly personality radiated through the room. She was indeed baking and hummed as she cleaned up around the kitchen. Stu let himself drop into a chair at the table and watched her move about.
"What're you makin'?" Stu asked, his curiosity getting the best of him.
"I would say it's for you, but I would be lying. It's for your friends."
"Oh, we're visitin' the band today?"
"No, your other friends."
"Other friends?" Stu paused to think for a moment before answering, "Nina, I have no other friends."
Stu had no idea that the sound a dishes clinking against each other as Nina set one on the drying rack could make the silence that followed feel so deafening. When she stood before him, Stu looked up at her, her face solemn.
"Stu, I know what today is, and I know it's a painful day for you, but I wanted to try and change it. It's going to sound weird, but stick with me. Usually this is reserved for Dia de los Muertos, but I figured since your friends have lived inside you for so long, they'd be open to visiting you on your birthday."
Stu stared at her with no expression. When he spoke, his voice was deadpan, "Nina, what the hell are you talkin' about?"
"I think we should turn your birthday into a celebration for your friends. I'm baking pan de muerto so that we can offer it to them, and I gathered pictures of them so that we can place them on your nightstand along with lighting a candle."
Stu felt as if he should be angered by this.
Celebrate his friends? They're dead! They were long gone from this world, and they were never coming back. It was idiotic to think otherwise. He was going to say how he felt, but stopped short when he saw Nina's expression.
Her smile looked strained, and she refused to look at him. When he looked down, her arms were hugging herself, hands picking at invisible strands from the apron.
She was putting herself, and now that he thought over her words, her tradition, out in the open for him. She probably expected the worst from this because that's how Nina is. She calculates tall possibilities, but even when there is a positive outcome, she focuses on the worst one. Despite that, she pushed herself to do this.
Stu stood up, instantly towering over Nina as he did so. He raised his arms, causing Nina to shut her eyes and tense, but when she felt arms wrap around her, she opened them. Stu leaned forward to bury his face in the crook of her neck. Nina relaxed under his embrace, bringing a hand up to rub it up and down his back.
"You wanna help set up the altar on your nightstand as the pan de muerto bakes?"
Stu nodded before letting her go. Nina thought she felt some wetness from where Stu had his face, but she wasn't going to say anything.
Stu switched from his hoodie to one of his Blur shirts as he knelt in front of his nightstand and held the pictures that Nina had gathered. She had placed each of them in a picture frame, so it was easy for Stu to place them down. He was just being picky about which picture should go where. One of them was from Blur's first tour, while another one was one of Damon sticking his tongue out at the camera. Each picture brought a wave of longing with it, and it was taking everything in Stu to not shove them under the nightstand and drop this whole plan.
But Nina was trying to help him. Maybe this would help him not be so depressed on his birthday.
He sighed as he finally decided on the placement of the picture frames.
"Stu, you ready?" Nina called out as she appeared in the doorway, a plate of round breads that were decorated with what looked to be connected knobes baked on top in one hand and a white pillar candle in the other. Stu nodded, and she walked in, placing four pan de muertos on the nightstand and the plate on the bed. She offered the candle to Stu before she left the room. He glanced at the candle before he placed it on the nightstand, it looking more like an altar for his friends, and then sat down. Nina came in holding a small pitcher of water and pieces of paper connected by a string.
What're those for?" Stu asked.
"Well, your friends could be thirsty when they come, and I made these," Nina set the small pitcher down and held out the makeshift banner, the pieces of different colored paper with each showcasing a different cut-out design, "Because it's tradition."
"Oh," was Stu's only reply as he watched Nina tape the banner around the edge of the nightstand. When Nina finished, she sat beside him. She took a pan de muerto from the plate and offered it to him. "I know you don't want to talk about your friends, and you don't have to, but instead of looking at this as the day they died, let's celebrate them."
Stu slowly took the pan de muerto from her and looked back at the nightstand. It had memories of his long-gone friends, but the way that Nina had gone to decorate it and bake for them did make him feel as if he was closer to his friends, and if he could experience this closeness every year, then that in itself was a blessing to both him and his friends.
"Thank you, Nina."