Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Kirby first found the Warp Star machine, they didn’t think much of it at first. Sure, there were a bunch of blank, whited-out machines suddenly in low orbit around Pop Star, but this is Pop Star! Weird things happen here all the time. Plus, the weekly apocalypse scenario hadn’t yet begun because of them, so Kirby’s book they were safe.

But then, the Warp Star machine started talking to Kirby. Not literally mind you; they’re machines, they don’t talk. It was more like it was projecting emotions directly into Kirby’s mostly empty head. Emotions of sadness and longing. Of wanting to reach the edge of the horizon. To…

Run wild? To let its heart take the wheel and show Kirby the way?

Eh? Eh? See it’s funny because.

“Shut up and continue the narrations, Hand!”

…Well, they don’t have wheels, but the point still stands.

ANYways, it turns out the machines of Kirby’s friends were feeling the same way. The need, not to explore, but to find. So, they went on a Road Trip. Woooooo!

Kirby was joined by his regular group of friends; Dedede, Bandee, and Meta Knight, each with their machines. To his surprise, Magolor and Susie also joined on their friendly excursion, for mostly unfriendly reasons. Magolor, the greedy fellow (he’s the reason Clash games have microtransactions) wanted to study the machines to make rides for his park. Susie, meanwhile, wanted to mass produce the machines.

Master party pooper Meta Knight didn’t want them to join, but was convinced by Kirby to let them come. He kept an eye on them, making sure their mischief didn’t escalate into any world conquering plots. You can never be too sure with those two.

So on their Road Trip they went, traveling the vast, mystical, and ever changing lands of Pop Star. They flew across the seas, traveled through mysterious cities, took a break in a calm forest and also fought against a giant robot Dedede, whose maker is unknown. But if you ask Meta Knight it was definitely Susie's fault.

“What does this have to do with anything?”

Okay, listen, if the game were out already this entire Road Trip would’ve been, like, two entire chapters, maybe three. But does it look like the game is out? I don’t have much to go off of, here.

“...fair enough. Can you just get to the point?”

Okay, yeah. Ahem…

And so, the group made their way to the end of the road, letting their machines guide them to the source of all machines: Zorah. The mechanical life-form lay dormant in its crater, unable to move or even speak. The only thing Kirby and his friends knew was that their machines felt sad when they came across Zorah’s mostly lifeless body.

But they weren’t alone. Someone else had found Zorah on fateful day; a humble and kingly tanuki from a far away planet. He could be described as a racing connoisseur and philanthropist, eager to help people experience the joys of moving fast. And Zorah was no exception.

“I know of a way to help Zorah,” the tanuki told the group. “I have a special engine that can power Zorah back to full strength!”

At his words, each of the riders felt a shudder of nervousness from their machines. “How do we know your intentions are noble?” Meta Knight asked, placing a hand on the hilt of his sword.

“Yeah! Ain’t know way we gonna take advice from a shifty guy like you!” Dedede agreed.

Tha tanuki merely laughed at their accusations. “Please, I mean no harm to you or Zorah. I am King Dodon Pa, head of Dopa Motors and King of Planet Donpa. I would never harm anyone… unless it’s during a kart race. There, it’s no holds barred!”

“Um, so what exactly is your plan to help poor Zorah, then?” Bandee asked the king.

“It’s simple. My company has created a device called the Ultimate Energy Engine! It accumulates energy by absorbing the power of teamwork!” Dodon Pa began to explain.

“Absorbs… teamwork?” Magolor huffed, placing a hand on his belt. “Well that sounds kinda corny to me.”

“Yeah, he’s right!”

Shut up, this isn’t about you.

“How exactly would this engine work?” Susie asked Dodon Pa in a skeptical voice. “If the engine uses teamwork as a power source… Oh! Is the bond between Rider and Machine enough to power Zorah?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m thinking!” Dodon Pa nodded. “I could install energy absorbers into your machines! Then once enough energy has been gathered, I will add that energy into the Ultimate Energy Engine and use it to power Zorah back to full strength!”

“Okay… but how exactly would we generate teamwork?” Bandee asked, still confused about the plan.

“Through races, of course!” Dodon Pa exclaimed. His eyes shone brightly. “What better way is there to work with your machines than with gruelling, challenging races! Why, we’d have generated enough teamwork in no time."

“Gruelling? Challenging? Oh boy, that sounds a little scary…” Bandee murmured softly. “Why not something easier? Like Go Fish?”

“No, I see Dodon Pa’s reasoning,” Meta Knight said, though he still eyed the tanuki curiously. “The more challenging the course, the more Machine and Rider will have to cooperate, thus generating more teamwork.” Dodon Pa nodded ecstatically.

“Correct, correct! It will be a spectacle!”

“Spectacle, huh?” Magolor giggled deviously and rubbed his gloved hands together. “Well, I bet we can also pay top dollar to have people watch a show like that. I’m in!”

“Really? You’re just innit for the money!” Dedede said.

“It matters not to me. So long as he’s helping restore Zorah, his assistance will be greatly appreciated. Now,” Dodon Pa then looked at Kirby. “Shall we begin our little experiment? What say you?”

Kirby blinked and looked down at the Warp Star machine. While they could feel the nervousness coming from the Air Ride Machine, they could also feel a sense of gratitude towards Dodon Pa. Without much thought, Kirby nodded and raised his hand.

“Wonderful!” Dodon Pa said. “Now, let’s upgrade your machines with the necessary equipment and test it on the field!”

Race #0 | Single Race
E-STADIUM

Competitors:
Kirby | Warp Star | 0 Points
King Dodon Pa | Donpa-Mobile [RIVAL🔥] | 0 Points

Two large, golden rings appeared side by side a few feet behind the starting line. From them, Kirby, riding the Warp Star, and Dodon Pa, riding his red hovercraft, jumped out from the rings and landed on the race track floor. The excited purrs of the Warp Star and the lifeless drone of the Donpa-Mobile were the only sounds in E-Stadium.

“Are you ready, my boy?” Dodon Pa asked, turning his head to Kirby. “This will be the first documented test of the teamwork absorber in an Air Ride Machine. If all goes well, then we can add more absorbers into your friends’ machines!”

Kirby blinked at Dodon Pa, his face momentarily expression. Then he nodded and jumped, letting out a “Poyo!” when he landed.

The race is about to begin!

Kirby placed both hands on the side arms of the Warp Star. When the starting lights floated between him and the tanuki, he kept his eyes squarely on the track in front of him.

3…

When the countdown started, Kirby shifted his foot. The Warp Star began to charge, drawing in air and pressurizing it at the engines.

2…

“Now, boy don’t be alarmed if you struggle to maintain your machine’s control. Some of the power you generate will also be transferred into your machine’s engines,” Dodon Pa added.

1…

“Be sure to take it easy and remember, don’t feel too bad if you lose—!”

START!

Kirby blasted off in the blink of an eye, moving so quickly and powerfully that a shockwave knocked Dodon Pa back a little. “Wh-what? Now, hold on, lad!” Dodon Pa said, driving after Kirby as quickly as he could.

By the time Dodon Pa reached the first turn, Kirby was already flying off the ramp. They aligned the bottom of the Warp Star with the track to gain a speed boost, and were able to move even faster when they drove over the boost panels. Purple flames spewed out from Warp Star’s engines as they charged a turn towards the left.

“N-now hold on!” Kirby looked behind him and saw Dodon Pa struggling to keep up with him; he was just turning left after the boost panel-filled straight away while Kirby had already ended the left turn after the ramp filled road. “There’s something I have to warn you about, boy!”

Kirby paid Dodon Pa no mind. They performed the next two right turns with ease, hitting the panel on the second one for an added boost, and approached the finish line at record pace.

So, when two large Travel Rings appeared in front of him, Kirby tilted their head in confusion. This doesn’t happen in normal races, does it?

The ring on the right, was filled with question marks, while looking through the other let Kirby see a city made of brass, copper and filled with steam. When Kirby approached the rings, he tried to turn to the right, but the Warp Star shuddered and slowed down. It was nervous, and didn’t want to go somewhere unknown.

Kirby turned towards the left. Once he passed an orange line, the left ring brightened and became larger.

Steampunk City!

Kirby held the Warp Star steady and entered the Warp Ring.

[Lap 2 | Steampunk City]

Currents Stats
1st: Kirby | Warp Star | 0:48
2nd: King Dodon Pa🔥| Donpa-Mobile | —

The Warp Ring spat Kirby and the Warp Star out into a ravine with nothing but clouds underneath them, and railroads crisscrossing in front of them. Kirby gently tilted the Warp Star under the pipes and between the trains until they landed on the railroad racetrack.

After dodging another train coming from the left, Kirby urged the Warp Star to go faster, ducking underneath a massive train’s cowcatchers. The tracks led to the right towards a massive turning gear. It turned to the left, and so did the track.

Kirby looked behind him. They couldn’t see Dodon Pa anywhere, so to save the Warp Star from taking damage they decided to ease up and decrease their speed, allowing the gear to guide them towards the next part of the track. 

As Kirby got off the gear and started a sharper left turn, he thought he heard something chasing after. He turned around and noticed a red fist flying towards him. Kirby blinked in surprise and urged the Warp Star to go faster.

The Warp Star stuck to the higher path, using the boost panels to gain some distance from the red boxing gloves. Another gear turning right was ahead; the Warp Star maintained its speed while Kirby charged a boost. The spin of the gear added speed alongside the charge boost to give Kirby just enough speed to avoid being hit once more

There was a slight turn to the right. Kirby allowed the Warp Star to head straight until boosting in the direction of the track at the last moment, making the fist explode against the railing. Kirby wiped the sweat off their brow and began to relax.

The last section of the track had a slight left turn that ended with a ramp. Kirby clided across the air, sliding between thick clouds of black smoke and saw a Warp Ring that went back to E-Stadium. Kirby narrowed his eyes and flew forwards.

[Final Lap | E-Stadium]

Current Stats
1st: Kirby | Warp Star | 0:48 / 0:43
2nd: King Dodon Pa | Donpa Mobile | 0:59 / 0:39

When Kirby flew out of the Warp Ring, he immediately urged the Warp Star to goes as fast as it could. Its engines blazed to life, completing the first three right turns as quickly as it could. 

When Kirby reached the ramp, they heard joyous laughter coming from behind them. Their eyes widened when they saw Dodon Pa rapidly approaching, his exhaust pipes emitting rainbow colored flames, zooming past Kirby as both of them flew off the ramp.

“Excellent! Excellent, this is the sort of teamwork that will revive Zorah!” Dodon Pa said, clapping his hands excitedly. “Now, show me the depths of your partnership!”

Dodon Pa landed with a thud, while Kirby landed while parallel with the track. The speed boost he got from that as well as from the panels allowed him to overtake him on the left turn. But Dodon Pa pushed forwards regardless; his hovercraft had more speed than the Warp Star machine.

Once Dodon Pa got close enough, he tapped the side of the Warp Star with one of his mobile’s antenna’s causing Kirby to spin out briefly. With a charge boost, he was able to correct himself near instantly, but that brief moment allowed Dodon Pa to pull ahead to the next left turn while Kirby barely reached the end of the ramps.

At this rate, Kirby will lose the race. There’s no stakes, but Kirby doesn’t like losing. 

As Kirby completed the second left turn they noticed a series of transparent capsules with red lids. They can’t believe they hadn’t noticed those before. Probably because they didn’t have any food… still if Kirby was going to have any chance of winning, they needed to get one and hope for the best.

The Warp Star flew right into one of the capsule, and Kirby grabbed onto a question mark. The mark began to shift and morph into various items; boxing gloves, a saw blade, weights. Kirby let out a nervous moan as they watched and waited…

Eventually, the question mark changed into a Smash Ball. Kirby blinked. And ate it a moment after.

Dodon Pa cleared the last right turn first. The finish line was in sight for him, and there dash panels in his way to get him there faster. “Excellent! Just a few more feet, and… wait, what’s that slicing sound?” He turned around.

“Good lord what is that!?” Dodon Pa turned around to witness Ultra Sword Kirby racing towards him, while slicing at the air in front of with his massive Ultra Sword. Dodon Pa barely had enough time to swerve out of the way before Kirby zoomed past him.

“Is this the real super power of teamwork!?” Dodon Pa gasped as the Final Smash ran out of energy. Kirby landed on the Warp Star once again, and used the boost panels to propel him to victory.

FINISH!

When Kirby crossed the finish line, he did a little hop and waved at the crowd. “Poyo, poyo!” He cheered. Underneath him, the Warp Star machine buzzed with joy.

[Round Clear | E-Stadium]

Results:
1st: Kirby | Warp Star | 2:12 (0:48 / 0:43 / 0:41)
2nd: Kind Dodon Pa🔥| Donpa Mobile | Invalid (0:59 / 0:39 / —)

“My, what racing potential…!” Dodon Pa gasped as he crossed the finish line a few seconds later.

Kirby parked the Warp Star by the grass near the second turn. There, his friends were waiting for him.

“Kirby, that was incredible racing!” Bandee exclaimed, jumping up and down with joy. “You’re like a pro? Where did you learn how to do that?”

“Ah we really that suhprised? This is Kirby we’re talkin’ about. Kid can do anything blindfolded and he’d still do it correctly,” Dedede said with a slight, totally not jealous grunt.

“And what a show it was!” Magolor agreed. “Mmm, we can definitely make it rich if we–!”

He was interrupted by a slap to the back of his head by Meta Knight. “This isn’t about you. But still…” Meta Knight looked at Kirby, and his eyes shone bright pink. “Good race, Kirby.”

Kirby smiled brightly.

Dodon Pa joined them a few moments later, laughing so loudly that he had a hand on his belly. “Wonderful! Wonderful show, Kirby! But I shouldn’t just be congratulating you, but your Air Ride Machine as well!”

Beneath Kirby, the Warp Star let out a tiny, excited trill. “I’ve no doubt that you’ve supercharged the Ultimate Energy Engine with a vast amount of teamwork! We might not even have a whole series to bring Zorah back!”

He tapped a button on the console of his hovercraft. “Susie, my dear; has the Engine been installed into Zorah?”

“That it has,” Susie said, loudly enough for everyone to hear.

“Excellent! Now, how much more energy do we need to fill Zorah?”

“About an ocean’s worth.” Everyone went silent.

“...What?” Dedede was the first to speak.

“I… well, how much energy did Kirby give Zorah?” Dodon Pa probed further.

Susie let out a deep, annoyed sigh. “If Zorah’s energy reserves are as deep as the ocean, the energy Kirby gave it was a single droplet of water.”

“...Ah,” Dodon Pa said.

“So, even if we got everyone throughout Pop Star racing each other, we wouldn’t have enough energy…” Meta Knight surmised with a grunt.

“No, we can. It’ll just take a couple thousand years or so,” Susie told them.

“A couple thousand! That’s one too many fo’ me!” Dedede exclaimed. “Don’tcha know how many dishes I gotta eat in that time? Not to mention I’d prolly croak before we’re even half done!”

“And what about poor Zorah?” Bandee murmured softly. “I’d hate to wait so long just to be able to move…”

As Kirby and his friends talked amongst themselves, Dodon Pa had gone silent. His stroked his bushy mustache with his fingers, until eventually, the king got an idea.

“I know! We’ll use the Warp Rings!” Dodon Pa said, drawing all eyes on him. “If we need more racers, then we’ll simply get more. There’s no limit to the number of racers or racecourses we have! With the Warp Rings, we can travel throughout the infinite multiverse and beyond!”

Dedede scratched his head. “How can we go beyond the multiverse if it’s infinite? Don’t that mean the multiverse ain’t infinite?

“It sounds cool, doesn’t it? The tagline for my new tournament! I’ll call it…!” Dodon Pa raised his hands and waved it above his head. “‘The CrossWorlds Infinite Circuit’! Everyone is invited. Everyone who wants to participate can, regardless of the morally dubious reasons! You can even say that–!”

“Everyone is here?” The Kirby cast finished before Dodon Pa could say it himself.

“Well, yes. But, how exactly did you know I would say that?”

“We think we know someone who can help you organize these tournaments,” Meta Knight said coolly.

“And that brings us to today, Marx, where I am personally inviting you to the CrossWorlds Infinite Circuit!” Master Hand exclaimed, booping the backstabbing jester underneath his eyes.

Marx was sitting on top of Kirby’s empty house in Waddle Dee Town, while the large Master Hand floated beside him. Marx was holding a pipe bomb with one of his wings. “So, whaddya think? Want to help poor Zorah regain his energy?” Master asked while giving Marx a thumbs up.

Marx juggled the pipe bomb in his hands while he considered Master Hand’s words. “So, lemme get this straight. You want me–pranksta’ extraordinate, the guy who’s literally the cause of the ‘lil’ guy betrays Kirby’ trope, who backstabbed the guy to get ultimate power–to join your race to power an engine that gives ultimate power?”

“Yes,” Master Hand said without hesitation.

“And… you’re not worried about me goin’ sicko mode and bretrayin’ everyone again?” Marx asked. He used the pipe bomb as a tooth pick while he looked up at the Hand.

Master Hand waved his body in a so-so motion. “Listen, we need a lot of people to power up Zorah with the Ultimate Energy Engine. We’re willing to recruit anyone. Like…” Master Hand snapped his fingers.

Suddenly, they were in a burning city with walls all around them. Marx whistled as he watched human people run away from giants with burning skin. In particular, a blonde man was carrying away two kids, a boy and girl, while the boy cried out to a woman in the hands of one of the giants.

“See that kid? He grows up to be a doomsday thingie. We’ll take him,” Master Hand said. Marx frowned as Master Hand formed a finger gun and shot the giant in the head, killing it instantly.

“Or…!” Master Hand snapped his fingers once more, and they were transported to a dirty apartment. “We can get both of these weirdos. I’m pretty sure one of them knows how to drive.”

“BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE GET THE FUCK OUT!” A young woman with pink eyes suddenly got up and started tossing things at them. Her older sibling with green eyes held her back.

Marx smiled. “Catch!” He through a pipe bomb at the siblings; both of them screamed in terror as Master Hand snapped his fingers and teleported them to a new location.

“That wasn’t a live bomb, was it?” Master Hand asked while they were between dimensions.

“Psssh, relax! I know which bombs are fake and real!” Marx tapped another pipe bomb against his teeth to pick them, but it exploded instantly, covering his face in soot and burning one of the puff balls on his hat. Marx coughed to get rid of the soot and fire.

“Hmm. Promising,” Master Hand sighed. “You can’t tell, but I’m rolling my eyes right now.”

Marx rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. You got any heroes in mind? Cuz if you’re bringing all the questionable guys, they might overpower you.”

“I’ve got Kirby, do I really need anymore?” Master Hand asked.

“Oh, enough with the glaze! At this point, Kirby is going to be sweeter than a donut at this point!” Marx huffed, waving a pipe bomb at Master Hand’s middle fingers.

“Alright, fine…” Master Hand snapped his fingers, and suddenly they were inside an dusty classroom with girls, each one with halos above their heads and most of them screaming.

“Who are you?” The one with gray hair and wolf ears demanded to know as she pointed her gun at them. “How did you get in here?”

“She’s a good guy, we’ll let her join. Though, I think she destroyed a timeline or two in the future,” Master Hand commented. He snapped his fingers and they were off again, this time landing in front of a golden door.

Marx looked up, and saw that the golden door had the bust of a human boy, his face contorted pain. “Who’s this clown?”

“Anime Protagonist #17 x 20^567. This guy’s dead right now, but because I am a god I can just pick him from an earlier point of time or revive this guy. Maybe I’ll bring his toaster girlfriend too,” Master Hand said.

“Oh, if you do, can you bring her from a point in time in which this guy is still dead?” Marx asked in an innocent voice.

“Sure! Trauma sells! Or so I’m told.” Master Hand said with a thumbs.

He snapped his fingers, and brought them back to the top of Kirby’s house. “Point is, there’s no limit to who can join. Doesn’t matter if they’re a goody two shoes or the most abhorrent piece of human scum ever. There's a place for them here! So…”

Master Hand leaned forward and booped Marx between his eyes again. “What do you say? Will join the ranks of this ultimate race-fest, and bring peace and prosperity to one person in particular?”

“Hmm…?” Marx tapped his golden wing against his chin. “Well… If I could, there’s a chance I could either join like a normal racer, or form a coalition of villains in an attempt to undermine your power and steal the Ultimate Energy Engine for myself!”

“Yes, I know,” Master Hand nodded.

“And you won’t mind if I do either?”

“Not particularly. I’ll just get someone to stop you if you tried something,” Master Hand shrugged.

Marx smirked. “Great, I’m in then. Where do I sign up for the thingie?”

“Right here!” Master Hand wiggled his fingers in front of Marx, dropping stardust on him.

“What’s that…” Marx paused when he felt his nose itch. “Wh-wh-AHCK! What the heck ma-Ah… Ahhh-CHOO!!!” 

“Oh, dear me! You sneezed so hard that this joke is now outdated!” Master Hand exclaimed in mock surprise, pointing to Kirby's chimney.

“You warped it into my nose, jerk…!” Marx said with a slight sniffle. He shook his head and took out a napkin. "Honestly, that was rude. Wouldn't it have been easier to just delete this whole section of the chapter and write down something new?"

"Well, yeah, but I want everyone to know that the voting period for the first grade period has ended! The next voting period will begin shortly. And besides, it's not like our current readers will be clicking on the ink anyhow. This is just for the new guys!" Marx rolled his eyes at Master Hand's train of thought. "I'll create a new one soon. Just wait patiently for it!"

"Yeah, yeah. I've been meaning to pay that flying jaw another visit anyhow.” Marx barfed out a few hundred pipe bombs down Kirby’s chimney. He then left a note reading ‘there is a pipe bomb in your mailbox’ on the front door. “Toodles!”

Marx flew away from Kirby's house and disappeared into the night.

“Cool.” Master Hand waited awkwardly on top of Kirby’s house.

“Oh, uh… so the Series tags for Smash and Kirby will stay consistent, but the Character Tags will change depending on who’s the focus of the races. Cool? Cool.” Master Hand gave you a thumbs up, and then he waved.

“Uh… chapter’s over now. Bye. Give me some wacky suggestions! Once I post the new link.”

Chapter Text

Kirby snored soundly in bed, the covers pulled up past their mouth and with a large, sleeping cap. Outside, sunlight was filtered through the curtains and windows, casting a gentle glow on his head.

On the bedside counter was a small alarm clock, alongside a note from Master Hand; “Click on anything you find interesting! Move to different rooms with the arrow keys or WASD!” 

Minutes passed by until it hit 9:00 AM. The numbers started to flash, but instead of beeping, the top of the clock opened, and white gloved hand floated out. After stretching its fingers, it floated towards Kirby and slowly outstretched a finger…

“Wake up,” the Hand said, gently slapping the top of Kirby’s head. Kirby didn’t wake up immediately, so the Hand slapped him again. “Wake up.” Kirby just frowned and snuggled deeper into the bedsheets.

“Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up,” the Hand kept repeating, slapping Kirby’s head faster and faster until it was a white blur. At some point the head stopped, and then flew over to the clock to stoke the bottom as if it were a chin.

Soon, the Hand snapped its fingers, and poked Kirby’s head. “There is breakfast in the dining room.” Kirby’s eyes widened.

They shot up immediately, moving so fast that they knocked the Hand into the wall and made it pop into a cloud of confetti. Kirby looked around the room for the owner of the voice, confused. Maybe they were imagining things?

Still, they were up now. Kirby jumped off the bed and placed and placed their sleeping cap on the corner of the headboard. They’re ready to start the day.

Kirby looked up at the Smash Bros logo above his bed. It was made of gold, and had sparkly glitter running down the lines of the cross. On the headboard itself was a plaque with Kirby’s name, as well as the name of his series, what version of himself he was, and creation year, written like so;

Kirby
Kirby, Mainline Games, 1992

Beneath were the exact same words, but written in the local Pop Star language. Probably

Kirby smiled. He didn’t think Master Hand would remember his birthday! Or the name of his Series. Or his first game. Sometimes he even forgets what Series he’s from.

Kirby wondered if Dedede had a similar plaque under his name, too.

On the other side of the room was a desk. Kirby walked over to it and found an open journal, a pencil, and a lamp. Kirby hopped onto the chair, and found a note on the lamp written by Master Hand.

“Calibrate your universe’s time scale with this one before going to sleep! Save your progress often!” Kirby blinked. Did he forget to save last night? He can’t remember; he’s been this small for a few hundred thousand centuries at this point, so even if he did age or somehow de-age, he probably wouldn't have noticed. Plus, his games usually have auto-save.

Still, better to be safe than sorry! Kirby took the pencil and scribbled down what he did yesterday and today, so far.

Now Saving…
Save Complete

Kirby looked down at his notes. It was unintelligible scribbles that wasted two entire pages. Kirby looked it over to make sure he didn’t forget anything, and once he was sure he wrote everything down, he closed the book. 

Now, off to breakfast!

Kirby’s dorm was all one big room, and in the center was a large table. According to Master Hand, any Trophies they collected, friends they made, and gacha 50/50s you win would be placed here. Right now, Kirby only had two: one of himself and the other of the Warp Star.

Speaking of the Warp Star, Kirby hoped it had a good night’s sleep. It’s currently in the Smash Mansion’s hangar, where all the other Air Ride machines are being stored and repaired when they’re not in use.

Kirby wondered if the Warp Star needs food to eat… all the more reason to head for breakfast!

The last room of note was the bathroom. It was on the opposite side of the bed. Kirby didn’t need to use the bathroom, really. An interdimensional stomach means they don’t digest like normal people, and they always smelled of sunshine and rainbows.

Kirby turned around and looked at you. “Poyo?” they murmured, wondering if you were going to keep clicking on something. They like your curiosity, but they also like food.

Opening the door to his room led Kirby to a long hallway with a red velvet carpet. There’s a handful of other doors on his floor, but Kirby was both too short to look at the plaque, and also he can’t read anything that isn’t his name.

Kirby did a quick scan of the room and noticed another person inside; a white-haired human woman wearing a dirty white cloak and reading a brochure.. Kirby walked over to her and tapped her calf.

“Huh?” The woman looked down at her feet, and noticed Kirby staring up at her. “Oh. You’re small.”

Kirby nodded. The woman’s yellow eyes flickered like lights occasionally. “Should you even be here? I was told this would be a very dangerous competition… Do you have parents?”

Kirby shook her head. “Oh. Um…” The woman furrowed her brows, making her golden eyes flicker even more. “Why don’t you come with me?”

The pink puffball nodded eagerly. Food is always good with a friend! “Okay, come with me…” The arm covered by the cloak wormed its way out, revealing a metal hand. Kirby raised her nub and took it, allowing the woman to effortlessly raise him up onto her head.

“You’re light. Like cotton candy,” The woman said. “Mmm… cotton candy…” Her mouth started to drool. And so did Kirby’s. He also wanted cotton candy.

“Ah…” She coughed into her fist and started to walk towards the elevator. “Maybe they’ll have cotton candy in the dining hall? Let’s go check!”

“Poyo! Poyo!” Kirby held onto the woman’s visor as they walked into the elevator together.

Wordlessly, Kirby and the woman rode down the elevator. Strangely, there was no music, so all they heard was the gentle rumble of the carriage as the mechanisms pulled it down. For Kirby, the silence was comfortable, but for lack of noise made the woman antsy.

“Oh… my name’s Snow White, by the way,” she commented after a moment. “Like the fairy tale.”

Grimms MDL #4: Snow White
Goddess of Victory: Nikke, 2022

“Kirby!” Kirby said. 

“‘Poyo’...” Snow White murmured. Her mouth began to water. “In Spanish, that means ‘chicken’, right? Are they serving chicken in the dining room?”

“Poyo!” Kirby said.

“Yum… I haven’t had real chicken in forever…” Snow White murmured. “Rats and taste like chicken, but it’s not the same.”

The door to the elevator opened, leading to the dining hall. “C’mon, let’s go,” Snow White said excitedly. Kirby smiled when he felt Snow White became friendlier with him,

When she left the carriage, Kirby began to follow her but felt that his hammer space got more crowded. He reached inside and pulled out a Trophy Stand with no Trophy. The side was marked “Snow White”.

Kirby exited the elevator.

The mess hall had an eclectic group of misfits already, Kirby noticed. Quite a few of them had white hair; there was Snow White, obviously, and there was also a boy in a large and baggy white sweater with glasses and blue-eyes, as well as a girl in a light-green and brown dress and a matching headband.

When Kirby and Snow White entered, both of their eyes were on them. The air became tense, like everyone was sizing each other. Except for Kirby, he was just confused.

They weren’t the one to cut through the tension, either. There was a clatter coming from a serving table in the back. A worn out youngish man, probably mid-twenties in a light blue t-shirt poked his head. “Oh, more of you,” he groaned. The boy in the large jacket wrinkled his nose. “Go ahead and introduce yourselves. Breakfast’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

He disappeared back into the kitchen with a tired sigh whilst muttering “I need another coffee…” The room went quiet again, and this time Snow White broke the silence.

“...So how long have you guys been waiting?” She asked. Her stomach growled a few moments later.

“Only a few minutes ago,” The girl said in a plastic voice.

“Oh…” Snow White moaned in disappointment.

The boy then coughed into fist to get her attention. “Don’t worry, I’m sure I will eat soon enough! Once everyone in our dorm shows up. That should be soon.”

“Dorm?” Snow White murmured.

“Oh, uh, before we go any further, we should probably introduce ourselves like he suggested,” the boy said pointing to the kitchen. “My name’s Eito Autsuki. It’s a pleasure to meet you all!” He said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

Eito Autsuki
The Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy, 2025

“Uh, hi,” Snow White murmured, picking up on the boy’s subtle animosity. “I’m Snow White. This is Kirby.”

Kirby waved from his spot on Snow White’s head. “Oh, like a fairy tale?” He asked. Snow White nodded. “I see… and what about you?” He asked the girl.

She regarded him with cold eyes. “...Firefly,” she murmured softly.

AR-26710 / Firefly
Honkai, Honkai: Star Rail, 2024

Kirby’s eyes sparkled wondrously. “Firefly… Eito…” He repeated, butchering the pronunciations of both names. “Poyo! Poyo!” He cheered and walked up to both of them to shake their hands.

“Ha hah, aren’t you excited!” Eito said playfully as Kirby jumped up and down. 

Kirby then walked over to Firefly and looked up at her. Firefly looked down at him. They stared at each for a moment, and then Kirby raised his hands. Firefly didn’t react.

“Really? You’re not going to give him a hand shake?” Eito teased Firefly in an attempt to lighten the mode. “What about uppies?”

Firefly frowned at him. “I’m not here to make friends,” She said. Kirby frowned and walked away dejectedly.

He quickly checked his hammer space. As expected from Firefly, he didn’t get her Trophy Stand, which means they aren’t friends… yet, but he was surprised that he didn’t get Eito’s Trophy Stand. He seemed so friendly earlier, too.

Kirby is sadge.

Maybe if he tries talking to them, he can become friends with them?

Firefly looked down at Kirby when she walked up to her. “Yes?” She asked blandly. Kirby jumped onto the table and looked at her some more. Firefly leaned backwards. “Is there something… you need?”

Kirby reached behind her and took a notepad and some crayons. “Poyo!” she said, and grabbed some crayons and paper for herself and began to doodle. Firefly watched her as she laid down on the table and scribbled something.

When Kirby finished her drawing, and showed it to Firefly. It is a picture of her (probably) giving a flower to Firefly (most likely) on top of a small planet (maybe) while birds (what else would they be) flew over them.

“...Nice picture,” Firefly said. Kirby gave the paper to Firefly and looked over her shoulder, wondering what she drew.

Her page was still stark white, and her crayon box was unopened. Kirby let out a sad sound.

“I don’t think she’s in the mood to play, Kirby,” Eito said apologetically.

Kirby walked up to Eito. There was a frown on his face, but it was quickly washed away by a smile. “Oh, hello! Say, there’s something I wanted to ask you. You seem rather small, and squishy,” Eito commented.

The puffball tilted their head curiously. Eito chuckled briefly and continued, “From what I’ve gathered, the Infinite Circuit is a very extreme tournament. Boss Battles, races wherever and whenever, and even entire battle royale-like competitions I guess I’m just… worried that you might hurt yourself at some point.”

Kirby smiled at Eito and raised their arm; a star came out from his fist. “Poyo!” They said reassuringly.

“Hmm…” Eito hummed. He pushed his glasses up his nose, making them glint. “Well, you seem confident, at least. Despite Caine’s words, I doubt Master Hand would actually accept everyone. The application process must have some way to filter out ill-fitting participants, wouldn’t you agree?”

Kirby said, “Poyo.” They know Master Hand wants nothing more than for everyone to have fun, so he most definitely gave everyone some degree of immortality by now so that nobody would actually die a horrible death. They told all of this to Eito with a series of Poyos and babbles.

Eito nodded when Kirby finished. “Ah, I see…” He muttered awkwardly. “Well, I’m glad you agree with me. If you’re here, you must be a worthy challenger. I guess it goes to show that I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.”

Kirby tilted their head once more. “Until then, Kirby. I can’t wait to see what you’ll be able to do on the race track!”

“Poyo!” Kirby said. He checked his hammer space again when he left, and was disappointed to find that he still doesn’t have Eito’s Trophy Stand.

Kirby rejoined with Snow White. The Nikke had sat down on a table that cracked slightly under her weight. “Hey,” Snow White greeted her. “What do you think of our new… dorm mates?” She asked. Kirby frowned.

“Poyo…” They murmured disappointedly. Snow White nodded.

“Yeah, they’re… kinda weird,” She grumbled. “That ‘Eito’ guy isn’t entirely human despite his looks. He’s kinda cagey, too; I get the feeling he’s not being entirely honest. And Firefly…” Snow White nodded to the other girl in the room. “She’s not even trying to open up. And, unlike Eito it feels like she doesn’t even want to be here.”

“Poyo, poyo…” Kirby nodded. Sure, there was prize money to be won, but this is also their opportunity to make friends with lots of people they wouldn’t normally be able to!

Snow White was quiet for a moment. “Hey. How did you end up joining, anyways?” Kirby perked up, and told her what happened last chapter.

“Zorah…” Snow White repeated. “Strange. That weird glove that brought me here didn’t say anything about them. Just something about a ‘power to change the world’,” Snow White said. She raised her hand and gripped the cape underneath her large, white cloak.

Kirby thought about her words. The Ultimate Energy Engine definitely sounds like it can do that.

“Kirby…” Snow White said softly. “I’ll be honest; I need that power. If I don’t get it, I’m not sure what will happen to my world.”

The puffball looked into Snow White’s yellow, flickering eyes with each brief moment. “I wonder if there are others like me in these races. Fighting to protect, or maybe for some other reason. That glove did say he’d let anyone join…”

Kirby walked up to Snow White and poked her cheek. Snow White looked sad; well, sadder than usual, so Kirby pressed their hands against her cheeks and pulled them up, making her smile.

“What is it?” She asked. Kirby looked at her for a moment, staring silently, until he smiled as well.

“Poyo!” Kirby said joyously.

“You’ll… help me?” Snow White asked in disbelief. Kirby nodded happily, so he was confused when Snow White’s eyes dimmed and took her hands off her cheek. “...I’m sorry, I don’t think I should–!”

She was interrupted when the door to the dining room suddenly burst open followed by two people laughing. “...so I said ‘I love a good barbecue’ all dramatic like and placed my hand on her face to–! Oh. It seems we have company.” The two men who walked in were a glowing, possibly radioactive man whose skeleton was visible and as well as a middle-aged, black haired man in dark church vestments and with a golden cross around his neck.

“Hmm…” The skeleton muttered, placing a hand on his chin. “Y’know, none of you seem particularly shocked by the look of me. I’m offended, genuinely!”

“A lack of reaction means they’re experienced, Sartorius,” the religious man said to the skeleton, removing his hands from behind his back. There was still a smirk on his face, probably from the story the skeleton was recounting. “That means we must have worthy competitors in this room.”

“Or, they could be traumatized and seconds away from having a panic attack?” The skeleton said with a shrug. “Like… that guy. Kid, you look like you’re about to puke.” He pointed to Eito, whose face had paled considerably when they both walked in.

“I… Uh, well that’s…” Eito coughed into his fist and tried for a warm smile. “Well, I was a little shocked, yes. How did… this happen? Are you even human?”

“For the first, don’t piss off the mafia; doesn’t lead anywhere good,” the skeleton said with a small cackle. “And for the second… I mean, technically? Legally speaking I was before I turned into this, but you know what they say about the nuances between legality and morality. I sure as hell don’t consider myself one now, ha ha ha!”

His laughter echoed creepily in the room. “Okay, I can see no one’s got a sense of humor here. Except you!” The skeleton lightly punched the shoulder of the religious man, who frowned at him. “Anways, we’re supposed to do introductions, right? Name’s…”

Alexander Sartorius / Dr. Phosphorus
DC, Creature Commandos, 1977

Everyone waited for him to finish. “So… are you going to say your name, or…?” Snow White asked him after a minute of silence. Kirby frowned at her. Was he the only one who saw the cut in?

“He told me to call him Phosphorus. I’m sure he’ll have no qualms letting you all do the same,” The man said, narrowing his eyes at the skeleton. Phosphorus rolled his head and groaned something under his breath, along the line of ‘your no fun’. “I am Kotomine Kirei. It’s a pleasure to meet you all.”

Kirei Kotomine
Fate, Fate/Stay Night, 2004

 “Likewise,” Eito said in a strained voice. He cleared his throat after a moment. “Sorry. About your skin…”

Phosphorus let out a snort. “Don’t be kid. It took some getting used to, but I think I… adapted myself to myself quite nicely. Just don’t sleep in the same room as me if you’re lookin’ to start a family.”

Eito shuddered. “Ah…” His unease made Phosphorus chuckle darkly. 

Snow White and Kirby glanced at each other as Kirei and Phosphorus sat down at a table together. Firefly got up from her table and moved down to put more distance between her and the two totally morally upstanding citizens.

“I think we’re in the same dorm with a lot of… trouble makers, I guess you could say,” Snow White sighed tiredly. Kirby nodded sadly, and looked at the pair of Kirei and Phosphorus as they talked in hushed whispers. He wonders if a friend can make them nicer.

After some silence, the door leading into the kitchen opened up. A few carts were pushed up out by the Miis out and set up by the serving table. Phosphorus, the closest one to the carts, leaned forward and let out a hungry growl when he caught a whiff of the food. “Oh, yeah. That stuff is delicious. Hey, weirdo,” he tapped the shoulder of a dark-skinned Mii with a skirt. “What’s in there? Can we grab a bite now?”

The Mii blinked at him and went back into the kitchen. “Wow. Rude.” Firefly coughed into her fist. “What? It’s a reasonable question to ask.”

“You won’t have to wait long…” The tired man from earlier then walked out of the room. He had a clipboard and a mug of coffee in his hand. “Well…”

With tired eyes, he scanned the room. A robot piloted by a human brain; a man with radioactive skin; a sadistic, murderous mage; a bioengineered genocidal clone; a bioengineered, planet-nuking space terrorist; and… whatever Kirby’s supposed to be. “We certainly are a band of freaks, aren’t we?” He grunted.

“Hey, leave the pink squishy guy alone!” Phosphorus jeered.

The brunette man huffed. “Well, anyways…” he flipped through a few pages of his clipboard and continued, “Thank you all for coming here, my name is Robert Robertson, but I also go by my superhero moniker ‘Mecha Man’. I’m going to be your dorm manager for the duration of the Infinite Circuit,” he drawled.

Robert Robertson / Mecha Man
Dispatch, 2025

“...‘Mecha Man’? ‘Mecha Man’...” Phosphorus said with a grunt. “That’s the best you can come up with? I’m being honest when I say that’s probably the most unimaginative, uninspired name I’ve ever heard. Even something like ‘Batman’ sounds cooler. Ain’t I right Kirei?”

Robert rolled his eyes at the comment. Kirei, meanwhile, crossed one leg over his arm. “It is… simple. But there’s nothing wrong with simplicity, I think.”

“I think there’s nothing wrong with Mecha Man,” Eito spoke up. “Means you pilot some sort of robot suit, right? At least I know to call when I need some heavy armor or weaponry.” He smiled brightly at Robert, only to get a bored frown in return.

“Nobody asked you,” Robert grunted. Eito wilted in his seat.

“Well, now you’re just being rude,” Phosphorus said.

“Gee, I wonder why I am being such a hardass to you all,” the manager said with a roll of his eyes. “Except you two, you two are fine,” he pointed to Kirby and Snow White.

“I’m flattered?” Snow White said with a raised eyebrow. Kirby, meanwhile, smiled.

Robert turned back to the clipboard. “Okay, you all plus me, that’s… we’re missing three people,” he sighed. “Whatever, if they don’t come, that's their fault. You all can have breakfast right now if you want. I’ll go over all the important things once–!”

The door was suddenly smashed open; a purple blur was flung through the broken wood and slammed into the wall above Robert. He flinched and backed away, letting the small bruised and battered boy with grape hair land with a splat next to him.

“...everything hurts,” the boy groaned, shedding a single tear from his swollen eyelids.

“...Well, I found Mineta,” Robert grunted. Kirby jumped down from his seat and tapped the boy on the cheek. Master Hand’s immortality must be running overtime. “And logically the only person who would’ve done that is…”

Snow White flinched when she heard hissing. Turning around, her eyes widened and flickered as two long, metallic dragon heads slithered into the room, attached to the back of a busty, vicious looking woman wearing nothing but sheer bodystocking and metallic armor.

Nihilister
Goddess of Victory: Nikke, 2022

Phosphorus soyjack pointed to her and exclaimed, “Jesus, her tits are bigger than my head!”

Nihilister grunted at him, letting smoke spew out from her between her teeth. Her crimson eyes darted to Snow White briefly, and she let out a snarl. “What are you doing here, scrap heap?”

Snow White didn’t respond immediately. Instead, she stood up and lunged at her. The metallic dragon smirked and bent her knees, her smile turning wide and the dragon cannons glowing with super-heated flames

Snow White didn’t respond immediately.

Instead she and Nihilister both stumbled onto the floor, as if they were in motion and suddenly all their momentum had been halted. Even the others jerked slightly, with the only ones being relatively unaffected being Kirby and Robert.

“What in the world…?” Nihilister snarled as she picked herself off the floor. “Okay, which one of you did that!? It was you, wasn’t it?” She was glaring at Kirei, whose lips were pursed tightly into a thin line.

“Even if I could, I wouldn’t have stopped you,” he answered stiffly.

“I know that sensation. It was definitely some form of time manipulation,” Eito commented, placing a hand on his chin. “But who caused it?

“For the record, nobody casted it. It was an automatic thing that Master Hand set up to prevent fights from being destructive,” Robert explained.

Phosphorus raised his hand. “In this case, the kid probably would allow her to use self defense,” he said, tapping his foot against Mineta’s twitching heel. Phosphorus lowered his hand.

“In that case he must’ve been some kind of mass murdering type who kills for his own pleasure is some kind of shitbag, don’t ya think?” Phosphorus, leaning back in his seat to look at Nihilister.

“He tried to cop a feel,” Nihilister said, an eerie smile creeping on her face. “And naturally, I had to teach him a lesson. Nobody disrespects me, especially not in a vulgar manner like that.”

“Okay, he deserved to be reprimanded for that…” Firefly said with a strained voice. “But did you really need to break every bone in his body?”

“You’re right,” Nihilister agreed with a nod. “I should’ve been able to snap his neck, too. But for some strange reason, no matter how hard I twisted his disgusting head it wouldn’t pop off his shoulders. I made sure it hurt like hell for him, though.”

Phosphorus sighed heavily. “Well that’s just disappointing,” he told Kirei. The man nodded in agreement.

“Robertson, what in the world is she doing here?” Snow White demanded to know, pointing a finger at Nihilister, who simply frowned at her.

“I… genuinely don’t know. You’re familiar with her, right?” He asked.

“I don’t even know who you are,” Nihilister grunted.

“She’s my sworn enemy.” Snow White pounded her fist on the table, making it crack slightly under her metal fist. “Everything I suffered through… is because of her.”

“...I see,” Robert sighed. He dragged his hand down his face and continued, “Ideally, everyone from similar enough universes are supposed to be set up in different dorms so that something like earlier doesn’t happen.”

“So why is she here?” Snow White snarled.

“Probably a paperwork mishap,” Robert said. Snow White glared at him.

“Paperwork…?” Snow White asked slowly. Robert nodded. “I–! Don’t you know what she’s done!?”

“Unfortunately, I do. In fact, since this conversation has come up already…” Robert inhaled deeply and let out a heavy sigh. “Might as well get over this now. There’s a message from Master Hand I have to relay to all of you… again, except Kirby and Snow White.”

He dropped his clipboard on the serving table and leaned against the wall. “It’s about your stay here at the Infinite Circuit. He knows.”

The room went silent for a moment. Everyone could now feel a subtle pressure against their shoulder, as if a hand was holding onto it. “Everything you don’t know, he knows. Everything you think he doesn’t know, he does. His research was… thorough.”

“I’m… not sure what you mean,” Eito muttered guardedly.

“What I’m getting at is that you all need to be on your very best behavior,” Robert clarified, taking a look at each of the villains currently in the room. “Master Hand has no problems with throwing you out, literally, if you cause too many problems for him, or the other racers.”

Kirei cleared his throat and stood up. “There must be some mistake here, Mr. Robertson,” He started in a dignified voice, as Robert picked up his clipboard again. “Some of us may look more… intimidating than others hear, but I assure you that we are not here to cause any harm, and I doubt most of us even can. This sounds like paranoid rambling from a child playing god.”

Robertson turned the clipboard over for Kirei to see. “You know Master Hand has you codenamed ‘Basement Snack Hoarder’ in his notes, right?” Kirei leaned closer to look at the page and frowned.

“...Ah,” was all Kirei said. He walked back to his seat with long strides and sat across from Phosphorus.

“Oh, was he talking about–?” Phosphorus tried to say before being interrupted when Kirei raised his finger.

“There is no need for further elaboration,” Kirei said, levelling a stare that made Phosphorus go silent.

Robert took a sip of coffee. “Now, I hope you all know why I’m not particularly thrilled to be here with any of you,” He grunted. He snapped his fingers, and two Miis walked out from the kitchen. “Could you take him to the infirmary, please?” They nodded and dragged Mineta’s body out of the dining hall. He groaned with each slight movement.

“As for you…” Robert said. Nihilister gave him a wide smile filled with sharp teeth, which made him twitch slightly. He then continued in a low voice, “Unfortunately, Master Hand told me I should give one freebie if something happens, and today that goes to you, so I won’t report it. Yet. But give me a reason too and I promise that I will make sure Master Hand hauls your ass to an endless abyss next door to this universe, got it?”

“You can’t be serious, you heard what she said!” Snow White shouted at Robert. “If it weren't for whatever spell we were under, she would’ve killed that little boy!”

“Didn’t you just hear him?” Nihilister snarled at Snow White. “Or are your ears so rusted from years, centuries, of loss after embarrassing loss that whatever’s left of you can’t even register sound anymore?” 

Snow White reared her arm back to attack her, and Nihilister’s cannons powered up as well. Thankfully, Eito and Kirby managed to pull Snow White and Nihilister back respectively before they could strike back at each other.

“H-hey! Let’s not make things worse for both of you…!” Eito grunted, holding back Nihilister’s cannons despite his thin frame.

“Poyo…!” Kirby said, holding Snow White’s cloak by one hand to keep her from striking the metal dragon.

“Y’know, I think I like the redhead,” Phosphorus told Kirei.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Robert said. Nihilister eventually pushed Eito off her and crossed her arms under her bust. Kirby didn’t let go until Snow White stopped thrashing against his grip. She jumped on top of her head and patted her visor to calm her down.

Robert pinched the bridge of nose. “Listen, I’ll bring this up with Master Hand, okay? We’ll get her situated in another dorm, but until then; do not start a fight, do not cause any trouble, alright?”

Snow White glared at Robert for a long while. With a snarl, she stomped back to her seat, smashing footprints into the reinforced steel ground and sat down.

“And that goes for all of you, too,” Robert said, waving his finger around the room. “Your only freebie has been used up. Remember that.”

There was a middling reaction from everyone. Firefly remained silent as ever; Eito looked like he was thinking; Nihilister placed a hand on her hip and grunted; Kirei steeled his hands in front of chin; Phosphorus let out a groan.

“Oh, we get it! Can we please just grab something to eat now, are you going to keep threatening us with eternal banishment?” Phosphorus whined in annoyance.

“Yes, you can. We’re heading to the garage after this so that you can take a look at your new Machines,” Robert said with a groan. “Oh, Kirby…” He reached under the table and handed him an empty, plastic horn. “From Master Hand. Please don’t eat anything from the table.”

Kirby blinked and looked inside the horn. It was empty. But when they angled it downwards and shook it, a mountain of food came flying out, burying him and Snow White completely. They slowly inhaled their way out of the mountain and chewed quietly. Then they did it again.

“How come he gets an infinite food cornucopia?” Phosphorus grumbled.

“You don’t have a stomach with the density of a black hole,” Robert said. He grabbed a paper plate and said, “The Miis prepared your favorites. So, hurry up before that guy somehow empties it and starts going for the table,” he pointed to Kirby, who just finished her third mountain of food.

Except for Snow White, everyone wisely got up and started piling their own plates with food. Meanwhile, Kirby shared the food from her infinite cornucopia with Snow White.

Kirby had just stuffed his face with another hamburger when Phosphorus and Kirei walked out of the room together. They, Robert, Firefly, and Snow White were the only people in the room.

Only Snow White was still eating; she was stuffing her face with turkey legs and in between long chugs of cola. On her plate she still had a few hamburgers, chicken tenders, dango balls and bowls of instant ramen.

Robert sipped on his mug and watched her chow down. “I get that you’re, like, a super-robot or something, but your stomach is going to burst if you eat anymore,” he said.

“Hmm?” Snow White froze like a deer in headlights and looked up. There were crumbs all over her cheeks. “It’s fine, mostly. I just haven’t had anything good to eat in…” She froze and did some quick mental math in her head.

“You don’t have to tell me, I know,” Robert sighed.

Firefly awkwardly shifted in her seat, her plate of cake rolls untouched. “I know you said it to scare Kirei, but… be honest, how much do you know?” She asked him.

“Well…” Robert sighed and shook his head. “That’s a bit of a loaded question, coming from you in particular.”

“Should we leave?” Snow White asked between bites, her voice muffled.

“No, there’s no need. It’s not like I’m going to reveal everybody’s dark secrets, I know how to keep them. And if you ask me there’s some personal things that I frankly shouldn’t know and, to be honest, don’t want to know,” Robert leaned back against the table. “But, that does mean I can say… I don’t agree.”

Firefly blinked at first. Her brows furrowed, as if she were angry but that anger soon dissipated. “I understand. I’ll leave. Sorry for making you uncomfortable."

“Woah, hey, I didn’t mean it like–!” But the door to the dining room slammed shut before he could say anything. “Agh… damn it.”

He heard bouncy footsteps coming towards him, and looked down to see Kirby. “Oh, it’s the gumdrop,” He sighed. He knelt down and gave said gumdrop some headpats; Kirby nuzzled slightly into his calloused hand.

“So… there’s something I’ve got to ask,” Robert started. Kirby tilted their head curiously. “As you know, the guys we’ve been paired up with… aren’t the best. Especially not morally. I dealt with something similar in the past, but these guys are well above my paygrade..”

“Are you even being paid for this?” Snow White somehow managed to ask despite her bulging cheeks.

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to,” Robert groaned. “Point being, I’m going to need your help wrangling these guys in. I sure as hell can’t do it myself.”

Kirby looked up at Robert, and then smiled brightly. “Poyo!” He said with a nod, raising his hand and snapping his nub, making a star fly out from it.

Robert chuckled at the gesture. “I have no idea how you do that,” He sighed. “Snow, we’ve only got a few minutes before we head for the garage. Clean up while you can, okay.”

“Mmph?” Snow White quickly finished up as much as she could, downing the instant ramen and chicken tenders. “Okay. Kirby, you can have the rest.”

“Poyo!” Kirby quickly ran his way over to Snow White and inhaled everything she didn’t finish. He happily swallowed and let out a content sigh.

Snow White smiled. She patted his head, which Kirby naturally nuzzled into. “You feel very therapeutic,” she murmured softly before standing. “Okay. I’m gonna go wash up. I’ll see you in a bit, Kirby.” She offered him one more smile before leaving.

Kirby left the dining hall by jumping over the shattered down. They quickled checked their hammer space. To their surprise, Phosphorus’s Trophy Stand was inside, and more expectedly Robert’s was well.

Kirby returned to his room.

Now Saving…
Save Complete

Kirby nodded her completely unintelligible notes and jumped down from their notes. They then looked up at the clock. Robert told them they were going to their dorm’s Garage in 10 minutes to look at their vehicles, and then they’d be free to explore Smashville.

Kirby hummed curiously and deduced that meant he had [1 Action to spend time with someone]. But who?

He still doesn’t have Kirei’s Trophy Stand, and unlike the others he wasn’t immediately antagonistic towards him. Maybe he should try and [1] Visit Kirei’s Room? Just to see if he can get that Trophy Stand.

Speaking of rooms, Robert grumbled to himself about some sort of prince. That ‘prince’ person must be the tenth member of their dorm. Maybe Kirby should [2] Help Robert Wake the ‘Prince’?

At the same time, [3] Kirby Wants to Spend More Time with Snow White. She still looked a little hungry after the breakfast, and a little angry at Nihilister’s existence in the same dorm as her.

There's also Firefly, too. To say Firefly looked a little sad at breakfast today is an understatement. Maybe Kirby should [4] Do Something to Help Cheer Up Firefly.

Kirby whined slightly and rubbed their head with their arms. Thinking is so hard…! If only there was some way to ease the burden on his poor, poor head…

Chapter Text

Kirby sat on his bed from October 29, 2025 to November 4th, 2025. Nearly a whole week passed with him sitting on his bed and doing nothing. On the second it became November 4th, 2025, Kirby got out his old brick phone and read the comments on the last chapter. If there's a screen, Ao3 will be on it.

“Poyo…” Kirby nodded to himself. They’re going to go help Robert! Kirby waddled back to her desk and grabbed their notebook. “Poyo! Poyo!”

Suddenly, a portal in the shape of a clock appeared, and a very annoyed Ouro Kronii walked out. She looked like she’d better days, with heavy bags under her eyes, a stack of papers under her arms, and a bug in her other free hand. “Poyo!” Kirby said.

“...Okay, I know I owe Master Hand a solid for that free copy of ‘Ultimate’,” She started, and then took a sip of her coffee, “but please, do not do this again. You know how ffffffffffffreaking time-consuming it is to manage, like… a couple hundred billion time scales!? I spent, I kid you not, 6 years trying to get the last half hour on a consistent timeline.” 

(Dang it, I should've come up with a time joke, too...)

Kirby suddenly looked less pleased with themself. “Poyo…” She murmured softly, looking down at the floor. Kronii sighed again.

“No, it’s not like I was spending all those 6 years doing work. It's like a 9-to-5 for me. I even get the weekends off. Err, technically. Warden of Time, remember?” She said, tapping the ribbon on her collar. Kirby perked up. “But I would appreciate it if you didn’t do that again, okay.”

Kirby nodded. She then raised her notebook save file for Kronii to quickly read over. “Okay… I think I can handle this.” She placed the noteback back on Kirby’s desk and grabbed him by the head.

“You don’t get motion sickness, right?” She asked. Kirby shook her head. “Good.”

She booped his head with a finger, and he disappeared with nary a fanfare. 

“There..." Kronii placed her stack of papers on Kirby’s desk and stretched her arms towards the ceiling, groaning as she arched her back and made her spine pop. “Fuck, I need to get to a better desk chair…”

…You know could always change the size of–

“No, Hand, I won’t.”

Kirby reappeared with nary a fanfare back in his room, the second the last chapter ended. It’s technically still November 1st, but Kronii shifted everything forward so that everything that happened in the last chapter happened November 1st.

Once he made sure there were no chronological mistakes, Kirby exited their room.

Out in the hallway, Kirby turned his head and around. Starry eyes locked in onto another chronically overworked person banging on a door on the far side of the hall. “Wake up, we’re heading out soon!” He said loudly.

Kirby walked towards him and tapped his finger. “Hmm? Oh, it’s you. Hey,” Robert said when he looked down and saw Kirby smiling up at him.

“This guy will just… not open the door. No matter what I do,” Robert sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I tried just about everything, too. I shouted, I punched the door, I rammed into it, asked the Miis to get a battery ram and a chainsaw; nothing worked.”

Kirby asked Robert why he doesn't just teleport into the room. “Well, funny story…” Robert scratched the back of his hand and rolled his head on his shoulders. “To my understanding, Master Hand made it so that your rooms are sort… pocket dimensions that exist outside the 4th Wall? Something like that. Basically, you can only get in through the door. Which, as I just learned, is now completely indestructible.”

The puffball examined the door closely. He pressed his arms against the surface, pushing it lightly before rearing his arm back and punching it as hard as he could. The entire building rumbled.

“Aw, my fuckin’ head!” He heard Phosphorus shout from down the hall. Kirby said an apology back before turning back to the door.

“See? Indestructible,” Robert sighed. “Urgh… if he doesn’t wake up soon, I’m going to have to kick him out of this whole tournament. And I sincerely do not want that to happen.” Kirby looked up at him in confusion.

Robert sighed. “Okay, look; most of the guys here have done some seriously awful stuff, but… this guy’s dad takes the cake,” He said in a low voice, while he tapped his knuckles against the door.

“Eito is… like, holy shit. You do not know how much chaos he’s caused in so many different timelines. Whatever you do, do not let him start a cult. Phosphorus, Kirei, and Nihilister are unrepentant killers, sure, and at least Firefly feels a little bad about the stuff. But this guy…” Robert let out a shaky laugh.

“They’re nothing,” Robert explained. “He’s the biggest brat you could ever come across. He acts like the whole world revolves around him, and his dad is possibly the worst person to ever exist, especially in their world. If that kid is even looked at in the wrong way, his dad will make our stay in this tournament hell for all of us.”

Kirby blinked and looked at the door. He thought for a moment, and then brought out his infinite cornucopia. He shook, but instead of getting any food, an ant-sized Minny popped out of it. The Minny waved; Kirby waved back, and then inhaled it.

Robert looked away from the bright flash, and when he looked down, Kirby was gone. “What the hell…?”

“Poyo!” Robert looked down, and saw Mini-Kirby waving up at him. Kirby had shrunk down the size of a grain of sand. “Poyo, poi!” With his newfound miniscule size, Kirby was able to run under the gap between the door and the floor (this took five minutes to do). 

Once Kirby slipped, he dropped the Mini Ability and went back to full size. He jumped up and unlocked the door, allowing Robert to step inside. “Thanks. You saved us all,” Robert said. He leaned down and patted Kirby’s head, which rewarded him with a happy squeal.

“Now…” Robert looked up.

Bowser Jr. was snoring loudly, drooling on the pillow while a whole band of small gloved hands played a death metal song right next to him. “He’s not waking up,” the hand carrying a microphone said before going back to shout unintelligible, grungy nonsense.

Bowser Koopa Junior
Mario / I've been told there's a cannon but I can't find it / 2002

“Okay, that’s enough, we’ll take it from here,” Robert told the hands. They stopped playing.

“...Oh,” one of the drummers said. One by one, they along with their instruments popped, sending confetti everywhere.

One piece of confetti slowly drifted towards Bowser Jr’s nose and covered one nostril. “Ah… Ah…! Aaah-CHOOO!” 

Bowser Jr sneezed out a large ball of flames, turning his pillow to ash. Kirby looked up at Robert. “Firefly blew a planet. Bowser Jr’s dad took over the universe. Successfully, might I add. Well… it was like for a month or two, but still.”

The small koopa prince yawned loudly and sat up on the bed, making the frame creak slightly despite his small size. “Aw, man… Who woke me up? If I don’t get my eight hours of sleep, I get cranky! I’ll be in a bad mood all day!”

“You’ve been asleep for the last…” Robert checked his watch, "...fifteen hours.”

“Really?” Junior narrowed his beady black eyes at Robert. “It didn’t feel like eight hours. And, I’m cranky already! So, obviously, I didn’t sleep for eight hours!”

Robert looked down at Kirby. “See what I mean?” Kirby titled their head.

“Whatcha guys talkin’ about?” Bowser Jr asked. He jumped off his bed and stomped towards them, looking annoyed. “You’re not keeping secrets from me, are you?”

“No, we’re not,” Robert sighed. “Look, there's some breakfast for you in the mess hall. Eat up, because we have a busy day today–!”

Junior jumped up, grabbed Robert by the collar and pulled him down to glare at him directly in the eyes. “Now you’re telling me what to do? What do I look like today, you’re average, law-abiding koopa?”

Kirby frowned and stepped between them. Bowser Jr let out an angry grunt and bared his sharp teeth. “Oh, tough guy alert! I bet you think acting all mean and scary is gonna make you stop? Well lemme tell ya; I’m the meanest and baddest of the bunch! You don’t scare me! I’ll kick your butt all the way to yesterday!”

The puffball frowned. So, that didn’t calm Bowser Jr down. Thankfully, that wasn’t his only idea. Kirby reached into his hammer space, and retrieved his infinite cornucopia.

“Huh?” Bowser Jr took a step back. “Wuzzat? You think a horn can stop what I’m about to do?”

“Poyo!” Kirby dropped a large pile of food onto the floor. Sandwiches, donuts, apples and more covered the floor, making Junior’s eyes widen with excitement.

“Woah. Woah! Free food!” He shouted. With hesitation he jumped into the pile and ate an entire breakfast burrito in a single bite. “That’s a great party trick, Pink! How would you like to be my minion?”

“...That’s seriously all it took?” Robert sighed as Junior stuffed his face with a handful of breakfast sausages.

“You don’t get to talk! I’m still mad at you for waking me up early!” Junior paused to bite a large apple. “But I’m willing to let this slide for today. Next time, wake me up after I get my eight hours of sleep! I won’t grow up to be as big and evil as my Pa if I don’t, got it?”

“I… you know what, sure, whatever. At least my job is done, for now…” Robert said with a sigh. “Thanks for the help, Kirby.”

Kirby remained expressionless while a PNG of a thumbs up appeared in front of him. “I’m not even going to ask how you did that. And Junior, we’re heading to the garage in a few minutes, okay? You’ll get your ride there.”

“You don’t order me around!” Bowser Jr snapped at him. “But I’ll be there. Just so I can use my new ride to find my Pa and wreak major havoc on these lame races together!”

Robert just gave Junior a deadpan stare and left. “Of all the people, why me…” he groaned as he left the room.

“And you! My new minion!” Kirby perked up at the mention of his new minion status. “You did good today! Pa will definitely like you! If I need help, I’ll be sure to call you, got it Pink?”

Kirby nodded, but he was particularly intrigued by the bold text. He wondered if he would’ve gotten different bold text if you chose another option.

“Poyo…”

“Now, scram! I’ve got a mountain to eat through!” Junior said excitedly. Kirby excused himself and reminded Junior to head to the garage before he left. “Yeah, yeah, I know! Now stop bossin’ me around, minion!”

Kirby waved goodbye and walked out of the room. When he did, he checked his hammer space, and low and behold, Junior’s Trophy Stand was inside. He put the Trophy Stand back in his hammer space and walked back to his room.

And on his way there, they saw Eito standing in front of their dorm. Weird.

“Oh, Kirby! Say, you wouldn’t happen to know where the infirmary is, do you?” He asked them. Kirby thought for a moment but shook their head. “Oh, that’s a shame. I was going to ask Robertson, but he seems to be under a lot of stress lately. I didn’t want to bother him anymore than I… already am, heh heh…”

Kirby tilted their head. “Oh, it’s just that when I was holding back Nihilister earlier, I got a few burns on my hands.” Eito showed them his palms, revealing purplish, blistering skin. “She’s hot.”

Kirby gave Eito a deadpan stare. “N-no, I meant that literally! Touching her brought me as much pain as…” Eito’s voice trailed off, his expression changing to something more guarded. “Well, needless to say it hurt. So, do you think you can help me out?”

They nodded. Kirby was very good at helping, especially when people were hurting! So they brought out their cornucopia and summoned a burger. “...Uh, what are you doing?” Eito asked when Kirby ate the burger. “You really do have a black hole for a stomach, huh? So, about the infirmary?”

Instead of answering, Kirby jumped up and grabbed Eito by the cheeks, pulling him closer. “What are you–?”

Smooch!♥️

Eito jumped back when the Face-to-Face ended, physically; his back slammed against the wall as if he had been punched into it. “Wh-what the…!? What the hell was that…!” He didn’t finish. When Eito looked down at his hands, the burns had disappeared. “I…! You…?”

Kirby just tilted their head in confusion. “I-I need to leave.” Eito said. He left the hallway quickly.

Well, that was weird, Kirby thought to themself. On the bright side, Eito isn’t hurting anymore, so all's well in the world, once again.

Also, ten minutes have passed by now. Kirby needs to head to the garage. Kirby walked towards the elevators, and at first waited to see if anyone else was coming before pressing the button to close the door.

But as the carriage doors closed, a pair of metal dragon heads clamped around the edges and pried them open. “Oh. It’s you.” Nihilister looked less than pleased when she saw Kirby staring at her. “Make room.”

Kirby awkwardly smushed herself in the corner of the carriage while Nihilister leaned against the back. Though, the size of her cannons, as well as the length of both their necks and her tail made it a tight fit even for the two of them. Kirby suggested she reduce their size somehow.

“...What?” Nihilister said as the carriage closed.

The elevator went deeper into the earth. Nihilister had a frown on her face, and her arms were crossed under her bust. Meanwhile, Kirby was humming to herself as she stood in the corner of the carriage.

“You’re annoyingly chipper,” Nihilister commented. Kirby nodded.

“Poyo!” 

Nihilister grunted at the sound. One of her cannons slithered around to look down at Kirby, bright eyes flashing. “You know I’m not here to race, right? None of these fools are.”

Kirby nodded. “Poy!”  Kirby raised one fist into the air as an act of determination. Nihilister, despite not being able to understand Kirby verbally, understood the message.

“We’ll see if that smile holds up. I’d love to be the one to wipe it off your face.” The carriage became silent after that, the only sound being the mechanics letting them drop.

The elevator let out a ding when it opened. Nihilister walked out first, trailed closely behind by Kirby.

The room itself was a large semi-circle with three distinct zones; in the center was a large viewing screen and some seats in front of it. There was nothing on it, aside from the Smash Bros. logo bouncing off the sides. When it landed on a corner it released a jingle.

To the left was a lounge area, with couches and bookshelves. The snack table on the far side of the wall was empty, as well as the juice dispensers. There was also a jukebox playing a gentle easygoing tune.

And lastly, almost more importantly, was the hangar on the right side of the screen. Off to the side were a handful of tool boxes and cabinets as well as a handful of mechanical arms. Multiple steel lanes were behind them, ten in total for each of the racers.

One of the lanes had a purple vehicle being dragged out by a tow truck; a group of Miis were dragging it out of the hagar. “Poyo…?”

“Oh, great. You two are here,” Robert said, standing in the middle of the hangar. Everyone else was seated in plastic chairs, except for the obvious.

“Where’s the little runt with the purple tumors growing out his head?” Nihilister gruffly asked as she stood to the side of the room.

“Well, for obvious reasons Mineta wanted to transfer dorms,” Robert said with a grown.

“This guy told me he touched you so you beat him up!” Bowser Jr said to the flame dragon. Nihilister blinked slightly at his youthful excitement. “That’s awesome! Next time, lemme join!”

Eito coughed into his fist and said, “I really don’t think that’s necessary. Nihilister made it pretty clear that she can defend herself.”

“What?” Bowser Jr gave Eito a look of annoyance. “Who cares about that! I wanna beat people up, too! Especially people who deserve it.”

Phosphorus snorted at Junior. “You’re little devil, aren’tcha?”

Snow White simply closed her eyes and sighed. Kirby walked over to her and jumped onto her lap. “I feel like these people will be a bad influence on him. We need to keep an eye on them.”

“Poyo…” Kirby’s pretty sure Junior is already pretty villainous.

He was distracted by his thoughts when Robert cleared his throat. “Okay, now that we’re all here, we can get started on the ‘main event’ so to speak…” Robert raised a tablet and pressed a few buttons.

“You’ll each be given your own personal Air Ride Machine,” Robert said. In the back of each lane, large shutter doors opened. They were pitch black inside, but they could hear the gentle purr of the engines from the spot. “These aren’t like the ones that are found in the Pop Star’s atmosphere. The Haltmann Corporation, as well as a handful of other companies that I can’t be bothered to name or pronounce, have worked tirelessly to create these custom made Machines for you. And they’re expensive, too. Treat them as you would a living person… because they’re also partially that.

“First up…” Robert pressed a few commands on his button, and the first machine that flew out the lane was the Warp Star. “I think this one needs no introduction, right Kirby?”

The puffball themself nodded happily and bounded towards his Air Ride Machine. “Poyo, poyo!” He said cheerily, landing on it and rubbing his cheek against the top arm.

“Well, isn’t that just adorable?” Phosphorus sighed, somewhat sarcastically. “So, we’re all getting hoverboards, then?”

“Not entirely,” Robert said with a shrug. “Snow White, you’re vehicles up next. Meet your ‘White Knight’.”

The Nikke looked up, and spotted a pair of yellow eyes in the darkness of the hangar. A mechanical mountain lion made of silver and stark white metal walked out and roared, calling out to its new rider.

“Woah…” Snow White said. She walked over to place her hand on the robot animal’s muzzle. It purred softly as it leaned into her touch. “Really? This is mine.”

“I concur. That looks nothing like Kirby’s vehicle,” Kirei pointed out while he watched Kirby and Warp Star do multiple donuts in front of the screen.

As Snow White got on top of White Knight, Robert explained, “Well, I’ve been told it’s a reference to an alternate outfit, which itself is a reference to an album cover. Don’t ask me.”

“I don’t mind,” Snow White. She placed her hands on a handle sprouting from White Knight's neck and guiding it away from the lanes.

“Of course you don’t mind. You get the cool lion mech,” Phosphorus grumbled. “Do any of us get anything interesting?”

Robert shrugged. “Sort of. Firefly?” The girl straightened in her seat. “This one you’ll be familiar with.”

The next Air Ride Machine was even stranger than White Knight; it was a mech suit with a white and black armor, as well as a gold metal over a green visor. The chest of the mech emitted flames. “SAM?” Firefly asked.

“It’s a complete replica of your Strategic Assault Mech. The Type-IV, to be specific, before any alterations were made” Robert said. Firefly walked over to SAM and inspected it from head to toe. The mech got one knee and took Firefly’s hand, as if it were a knight, before disappearing in a burst of flames. Firefly held a belt-buckle in her palm.

“Activate it as you would normally,” Robert said as Firefly felt the ridges of the buckle with her fingers. It should be just like piloting normally.”

Firefly frowned at the buckle and nodded. “Thank you,” She said before returning to her seat.

“You’re not going to try it out?” Phosphorus asked her. Firefly shook her head.

“Ooh! Then can I go ride it! I always wanted to ride a mech suit!” Bowser Jr climbed onto Firefly’s lap and reached for the belt buckle.

“What? No, of course not!” Firefly raised her arm and tried to push Junior off of her while he tried to reach for it.

“Junior, your Machine’s next,” Robert said with a roll of his eyes.

Immediately the young koopa jumped off Firefly. “Really! Oh boy! What is it? What is it, huh?”

“A classic,” Robert said. The Junior Clown Car  out of the hangar quickly, the propeller whirring loudly and a mischievous grin painted on its face was wide when Junior jumped into it with a laugh.

“Heck yeah! Exactly like how Papa made it! Wait…” Junior fiddled with all remotes slightly. “You took away all the good stuff!” He huffed accusatorily at Robert.

“It still has the boxing gloves,” Robert said. Junior’s expression widened, and with a click of a button, the sides of the Clown Car opened and two arms ending with the gloves popped out.

“Oh yeah!” Junior said, punching the air in front of him alongside the Clown Car. “I’ll definitely win it all with these babies!”

“Yeah, yeah, just get off the lane, now,” Robert sighed. Junior floated the Clown Car of the track. “Next, Phosphorus. You’ve gotten the Toxic Slicer.” The radioactive skeleton perked up at the name, but was disappointed to see a simple green disk float towards him.

“...That’s it? How come I don’t get something cool?” Phosphorus sighed as he stood on top of the Machine.

“Quick-Spin,” Robert told him. Phosphorus tilted his head but did so; three floating blades jumped out from underneath the disk, covered in green flames. The blades and the discs together formed the radioactive hazard symbol.

“Oh ho ho, now we’re talking!” Phosphorus giggled gleefully as the blazing blades retracted. “What happens if I hit someone with these babies?”

“Lowers the acceleration for anyone hit by it,” Robert explained. Phosphorus chuckled gleefully as he rode the Toxic Slicer out onto the lobby.

“Do you really have to bring that so close?” Eito scoffed. His scowl turned deeper when Phosphorus inched closer to her.

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll be well acquainted when we start racing,” Phosphorus chuckled. Eito cringed and leaned away from the skeleton until he left, joining Kirby in driving circles in front of the large screen.

“Eito.” The boy stood up when Robert called his name. “Your vehicle might be… a little strange, but trust me when I say it’s probably the best for you.”

“Oh, I don’t mind at all,” Eito said with a smile. He heard the Machine drive closer to them. “I’ll be sure to foster a strong and powerful bond with my Air Ride…” His voice trailed off when he saw the armored jeep with a minigun and rocket launchers strapped on top. “...You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“This is ‘Deadlights’. Look familiar?” Robert asked with a raised eyebrow, relishing the look of suppressed disgust on Eito’s face.

“This has to be a joke.” Eito looked at Robert with a blank stare. “Robertson, I’m sure you know about my condition, yes? I get sick very easily.”

“Condition?” Robert said with a lazy tilt of his head. “Oh, right. You’re a prosopometamorphopsiac.” Eito stiffened.

“The hell did he say?” Phosphorus tapped Kirei’s shoulder.

“‘Demon Face Syndrome’. It seems his view of our faces are distorted,” Kirei explained.

“Well, how does that affect me? I’m already pretty demonic looking, if I do say so myself. Do I get scarier or–?”

“That’s none of your business!” Eito snapped at Phosphorus. “And I don’t have… argh!” he stomped towards the jeep and let out a growl. “Of all the vehicles you could’ve chosen, why hers!?”

“Definitely worth it…” Robert sighed. “Next. Nihilister.”

She remained against the wall as her vehicle drove into view. It was a large and dark red machine, with the front being the shape of a dragon’s head and a long tail acting as Nihilister’s seat. In addition to that, there were horns acting as mounts for her cannons. Instead of it being a hovercraft, there was a single large wheel underneath the dragon.

“Hmm…” Nihilister sauntered towards her, her tail dragging against the floor while cannons examined it closely, as if they were sniffing it. “What’s its name?”

“‘Inferno of Nihilist’,” Robert said. Nihilister jumped onto the bike and settled her extra heads on the mounts. They were magnetically locked in place. 

“It’s satisfactory, I suppose,” Nihilister said with a growl. Inferno’s eyes brightened to a harsh shade of yellow as she drove it off the lanes.

“And lastly, Kirei…” Robert sighed. The older man stood up as another aircraft hovered close to him; unlike the Kirby’s and Phosphorus’ machines, it was a longer board made mostly of black, cold metal and with a collection of red lines crisscrossing along the length of it, almost like scars. “‘Executor’s Key’ is what it’s called.”

“An apt name,” Kirei sighed as he stepped on top of the hoverboard. To everyone’s surprise, Kirei did a perfect kickflip on the board and landed without tripping even slightly. He smirked at their reactions and got off his board.

“I didn’t know you skated, old man,” Phosphorus said with a whistle as Kirei smugly walked back to his seat.

“Alright, now that everyone has their vehicles… it’s about time we showed you your racing schedule,” Robert said with a deadpan.

“A-already?” Eito said with a slight gasp. “Weren’t you going to let us explore the city, first?”

“That’s true. After this you will be able to,” Robert said with a nod, “you just have to keep in mind that this is also going to be used as a training period to get used to your new rides, got it?” The last hangar opened, and a much larger mech suit walked out, marching its way towards Robert. He tapped the chest, which opened the cockpit. Multiple white hands flew out and dropped small tablets into each of the racer's hands.

“These are your Smash Pads. They’ll hold information on your racing schedule as well as all other racers competing in the same event as you,” Robert explained. “Why don’t you take a look at them now and see what comes up?”

When Kirby took his Pad, he sniffed the corner and found the power button. With a tap of the screen, it turned on and buzzed. The Smash Bros logo appeared briefly, before expanding and showing Kirby his first set of races.

EVENT 1
[Newcomer’s Grand Prix]

Courses
[OsTown (Epic Mickey)] >> [Hyrule Field (BoTW)] >> [Aperture Stadium (Portal 2)]

Possible CrossWorlds
[Hidden World], [Bullet Storm (GoV: Nikke)], [Towering Battlefield (SFotH)], [Reprogram Town (Friendship Test)], [Cogware Aquarium (Shipwrecked 64)]

Racers
Jack Atlas | Wheel of Fortune | Yu-Gi-Oh! 5Ds
FriendProgram | Hop Star | Friendship Test
Waluigi | Gold Mantis | Super Mario
GR-18 | Blaster Engine | Levelhead
Sonic the Hedgehog | Blue Star II | Sonic the Hedgehog
Iroha Natsume | Toramaru | Blue Archive
Kirby | Warp Star | Kirby
Dimentio | Dark BroBot | Super Paper Mario
Mavuika | Flamestrider | Genshin Impact
Powerpuff Girls | Transform Star | Powerpuff Girls
Howlz | Turbo Star | Hotel Investigation 09
Maxwell | Winged Dotted Bathtub | Scribblenauts
Cai Digamma | Large Plank of Wood | Undertale II: Revenge of the Robots
Milky Way Cookie | Sugar Cloud Express | Cookie Run Kingdom
Spider-Man | Spider-Cycle | Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions
Nihilister | Inferno of Nihilist | Goddess of Victory: Nikke

Kirby blinked. He’s not at the top or end of the list, he realized. Then again, he’s not really Rival material, is he?

“Okay, that’ll be all from me, today,” Robert said with a sigh. With a click of his tablet, the shutter doors at the end of the hangars opened up, and sunlight started to beam through. “Now get out there and do… whatever the hell you want, I guess.”

“Whatever we want?” A large book was tossed at Nihilister and bounced off her cleavage before landing in her hands. It was titled ‘Da Rules’.

“Naturally, nothing illegal will get you kicked out. Don’t tempt me,” Robert said with a raised finger. “Oh, and by the way, voting has started for your next event. Make sure to check your Smash Pads for them.”

And with that, Robert entered the Mecha Man suit and began to walk out of the Hangar. Kirby tilted his head and watched the others leave one by one engines revving and purring with excitement as they exited.

“Hey.” Kirby looked up to see Snow White and White Knight above her. “I’ll go ahead. If Nihilister is here… that might mean others where I’m from are here too.”

Kirby nodded. “Poyo!” He waved to Snow White as the Machine began to walk away. The mechanical lion bounded out of the hangar as well, leaving Kirby the only one inside.

They then reached into their hammer space and pulled out their Pad. As Robert had said, the link was already posted in their in between the brackets > [https://forms.gle/zXPP3rLhodwt8BNg8]

Kirby placed the Pad back into his hammer space and settled more comfortably on the Warp Star. “Poyo?” Kirby asked. The brief rumble of the Machine’s engine was all the confirmation they needed.

And so, Kirby threw his arm forwards, and the Warp Star flew out towards the outside world. Onwards to adventure!