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Insanity was a medical term. Psychological, perhaps. Kotone held no interest in either field of sciences and couldn’t state precisely which it fell under, but it was a term under some assorted banner regardless. There was a quote mistakenly yet commonly associated with Einstein. ‘Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results’. Kotone couldn’t think of how many times she had heard people say that. When she was much younger, in high school and the first years after, it was just an amalgamation of words thrown around whenever somebody believed it fit the situation.
Now, nine years after that fateful day, the saying positively infuriated her.
Kotone had gone through hell. They all had. When she transferred to Gekkoukan High she was vibrant. Genuinely vibrant, not the facade she increasingly found difficult to force on the older she got. Oh she was far from the happiest, perfect girl in the world, but as long as she had her brother at her side she knew they could take on the world. And then they did. That first year at Gekkoukan wasn’t rough in and of itself. A lot happened, yes, but for the most part she and Makoto emerged relatively unscathed. Perhaps she was willfully ignorant to the truth. Regardless, while their quest to end the Dark Hour had few setbacks, even today Kotone couldn’t so much as look at a grandfather clock without growing still.
It was unfair. Ridiculously unfair. They were in control from the beginning. This was their opportunity to finally drag themselves out of the gutter and make a life for themselves. Makoto might have acted bored and apathetic but Kotone was one of the few people who could see that he was genuinely enjoying his time there. He enjoyed the bonds they made. They were wanted. They had influence. They had family. Real family.
For most of their lives they only had each other. Kotone’s parents died the month that Makoto’s did. They ended up in the same orphanage by chance. The institutions in the city she grew up in were overflowing. Kotone was transferred to Tokyo and was inducted the same day her soon-to-be brother was. She was terrified. He was calm. She was talkative. He was silent. They were opposites. There was nobody more similar. It worked. They forged a bond she refused to let even death itself break. It was them against the unfair nation that had failed them. It was them against the criminals, the bullies, and the corrupt who had ruined their lives. It was them against the world.
That was all they needed.
They were eventually transferred to Gekkoukan and moved into the dorms. Kotone tried hard not to think about that year. Each month after that fateful day blurred the events of their past. Makoto had been placed in a coma in 2010. Death itself did its best to take him from her but Kotone used all of her influence she had accrued over the year to forcibly stabilize his condition. She was twenty-six years old now and her brother remained on life-support in her manor. She refused to give up. Everyone else had, but Kotone refused to give up.
Oh at the beginning they all held out hope. Everyone did. “He’ll be alright.” “He’ll wake up soon.” “He’ll come back.” Nobody meant it. It didn’t take long for them to stop pretending. Yukari was the first one to give up, which hurt. Yukari was her first friend in Gekkoukan. Her best friend. Now they didn’t talk anymore. Ken quickly followed. Akihiko and Mitsuru took a year longer but their bond had been dealt irreparable damage when they both tried to convince her to turn off the life support. Her relationship with both was purely professional now. It was maddening. Junpei hadn’t given up, per se, but he had slowly stopped coming around to visit. Kotone blamed herself for that, mostly. She knew she wasn’t the same person he had befriended.
Only Aigis and Korumaru remained. She hadn’t liked Aigis at the beginning. Kotone thought the machine was trying to get between her and her brother. Makoto wasn’t one for romanticness, by any means. For the longest time Kotone thought neither of them would ever find love. She made her peace with it. But then Kotone met Saori and Makoto met Aigis. Her wife had never once even considered fleeing or betraying her like nearly all others had before. Saori had stood by her side through thick and thin. And Aigis, the only real friend Kotone had anymore, Aigis, in her uniquely unconventional way, loved her brother.
Which had made everything far, far easier.
During their days at Gekkoukan Aigis had always been quick to act. Kotone would never demean her by referring to her as an enforcer, she was more- she was more like a knight. Makoto’s knight. Now she was Kotone’s. Throughout that dreadful year Kotone had steadily gained more and more influence. Power. Money. All things she had never had before. Meeting Tanaka was one of the most beneficial nights she had ever experienced. She and Tanaka were one side of the same coin. They came from nothing. They were scavengers. They knew what it was like to be desperate.
Tanaka looked at her like she was his protege. His legacy. In many ways she was. But they both knew that what they had a was relationship of equals. True equals. They each had their strengths. They each had their weaknesses. Oh out of those long months she wanted erased from her memories, those days Tanaka had brought her around one of the company’s buildings, put her in front of cameras, dragged her through meetings, fired and promoted em- it was all… She looked back fondly on that. Maybe that was why she considered him family. Maybe that was why they got along so well.
Maybe they were both crazy.
It didn’t matter. Tanaka had never doubted her or asked twice when she made a request or demand. For the first two years after Death failed to claim her brother he made her his unofficial second. When the lawsuits came he ‘resigned’ and made her his successor. Kotone was one of the richest most powerful women in Japan. And still, even then, Mitsuru had refused to help her bring her brother back. Kotone waged war with the Korijo group, she sent Aigis on mission after mission to steal their research and resources. It was only when Akihiko was injured in an attempt to trap Aigis that Mitsuru bent the knee and handed over everything that Kotone wanted.
And so the real work began.
The Dark Hour, as they called it, was only a part of a far larger phenomena. It wasn’t the first time Pandora's box had been opened. In 1996 the origins of what would eventually become known as cognitive science emerged. No records with any credibility remained, but Kotone was convinced of the existence of this Otherworld, this Other Side that existed during the barely documented SEBEC incident. In 1999 the first recorded use of the term ‘collective unconsciousness’ had emerged. It was all written off as nonsense. Fairytale. But Kotone could see that this was just a part of a far broader pattern.
The Dark Hour was - at the time - the most recent incident that exposed the real world to this realm that twisted all it touched. It was a limited, disgusting perversion of their reality, one that emerged as a result of the Korijo Group’s foolish, clumsy, failed attempts to breach this realm themselves. Oh once she had all the information it became clear that with sufficient caution and resources she could have all the answers she needed. Aigis was fortunately compliant enough to help. Kotone hadn’t been able to access her persona since Makoto fell into his slumber. She was weak. She hated fighting. She never wanted to lift a finger against someone physically ever again.
Aigis had no such qualms.
They had only barely discovered the ‘TV World’ in 2012, just as it was rendered useless to her. They lost months in Inaba trying to determine how mere appliances could connect with this cognitive world. Fortunately this incident had stirred others. A great deal of others. Cognitive science took off very soon after that. Kotone couldn’t tell why, but it did. The academic world shunned it but around Japan and, presumably, the world, more and more funding and talent was being discreetly diverted into it.
Before she knew it, Kotone found herself in an invisible battle with men such as Shido over the greatest minds in the field. She was days from securing Wakaba Isshiki before she was murdered. But Kotone didn’t give up. She could never give up. Makoto was counting on her. What was this all for if he never woke up? She hid in the shadows, using Tanaka’s empire as both cover and as the heart of her operations. Billions of yen were thrown into her madness. She had lost nearly everyone, but Kotone would not give up.
The Phantom Thieves reign of terror and heroicism turned out to present the final piece of the puzzle that she needed. The metaverse merged with reality again. Twice. Maruki discovered the secrets none before him could even comprehend. Ichinose and Konoe’s mistakes maintained this cycle of impermanent corruption alive while Kotone made her move. And finally - after nine long years - she held all the cards. There was no competition. There was nothing holding her back. There was nothing holding her back at all.
“You know that I have never questioned anything you have done before, yes?” Tanaka asked with what could nearly be described as apprehensiveness. Kotone didn’t say anything. She stared at the massive machinery in front of her as the techs moved frantically. “I have never once refused a request you have made.”
“Which you never let me forget,” she pulled at her cuff. The most technologically advanced machine ahead was likely an affront to any true gods. It whirred.
The only man in her life aside from Koromaru that she trusted sighed. “I do not understand this science. What I do understand is that this is very dangerous.”
“Before you tell me to look for another way,” Kotone finally looked at him with pursed lips. “Don’t.”
Tanaka scoffed. “No. You’re too stubborn.” She grinned at that. “Please be careful.”
“I’m bringing him home,” Kotone stared into the room as the metal circles began to spin. She shed her blazer and threw it to a passing attendant. “One way or another this is all put to rest today.” Kotone gave up on fighting her uncomfortable blouse and undid the buttons at her wrist. She fixed her hair as she walked into the pulsating energy rippling through the room. “And you’re wrong. You did refuse me once,” Kotone looked back at him with a steel smile. “You still owe me forty-thousand yen.”
“Last I checked, you’re the rich one,” a different voice replied from behind her. Kotone snapped her head around. A far older Makoto ran a hand through his hair. “You shouldn’t be here.”
She sobbed as she ran towards him, not caring about the tears streaming down her face as she pulled him into a tight hug. She ignored the weird cosmic world they were in. “You’re alive. I knew it. I knew it. Nobody else believed m- I knew it,” she squeezed tighter. “You’re coming home with me. You’re coming home.”
“You know I can’t do that,” he sighed, hugging her back.
Kotone pulled away, straightening her clothes. She grinned up at him. “No. You’re wrong. I’ve spent nearly a decade making sure that you can.”
Makoto very visibly stopped himself from frowning. “Koto…”
“I understand. I understand all of it,” she insisted. “The shadows, the metaverse, cognitions, I understand it all. I can fix this. It’s all just a science that hadn’t been mastered yet. But I did,” she grinned. “I can destroy this place. It- it will be like Nyx never existed. The Fall will be nothing more than notes in my research centre.”
Her brother shook his head. “Its not that simple.”
He didn't understand it. “Mako, I know you think you know everything since you’ve been here for a long time, but I’ve actually been studying this,” she brushed nonexistent dust from her pencil-skirt. “You can come home.”
“I’ve been watching you, you know,” Makoto ignored her words. “There’s not much I can do from up here. But I can watch,” he shrugged, placing his hands in his pockets. “Aigis too, but she’s been following you around since I… you know…”
“You’re not listening to me,” she forced a smile, grabbing his arm.
Her brother stared at the transparent cosmic floor underneath them. “I don’t judge you. Who knows what I’d have done if the roles were reversed,” he sighed. “Probably slowly died myself. Hard to say.” Makoto looked back with a soft expression. “I’m sorry you gave up everything trying to try and bring me back.”
“I’ve been so lonely,” she deflated. “Nobody looks at me the same anymore. Only Saori, and I can’t tell her the truth, because she’ll think I’m a monster…” Kotone whispered. “I’ve… I’ve done a lot… I can justify it if you come home, but I-... you need to come home,” tears fell down her face. Kotone tightened her grip on his sleeve as though he might dissolve if she let go. “I don’t care what it takes. I don’t care who I have to tear down, who I have to buy, who I have to bury. I’ll burn through every yen, every last favour, every ounce of myself if that’s what it costs. I can’t… I can’t live like this anymore.”
Makoto’s eyes softened further. “You’ve carried it all on your shoulders, Koto. More than anyone ever should.” She hated how he seemed like he was trying to preempt a refusal.
“Because no one else would,” she snapped, shaking her head. “They all abandoned you. They abandoned us. I stayed. I fought. I won. Do you know how hard it was to wake up every single day knowing your unconscious body was only two floors down from my bed?” her voice broke. “So why are you still here? Why won’t you just take my hand and come home with me?”
He brushed a tear from her cheek with the same gentle care he used to calm her down when she was a child. She felt like a child. All the things she’d done and she felt like… she sobbed. “You’ve always been stubborn.”
Kotone let out a choked half-hysterical laugh. “Stubborn? I’ve been right. I’ve been the only one who’s right. You’re standing in front of me. I proved them all wrong.”
Makoto didn’t answer straight away. He only looked at her and in his silence she felt the ache of years pressed down on her chest. “I wish I could have spared you all of it.”
“You can,” she insisted desperately. “You can by coming back. Don’t talk like you’re a ghost. You’re alive. I can see you.” She pulled him into another tight hug, digging her nails digging into his back. “Don’t leave me with a world that doesn’t have you in it.”
Makoto held her. “Koto… I… I don’t know how to live anymore. This place, it’s hollow. There’s no time, no days, no nights, no nothing. I’ve been stuck with thoughts that gnaw at me until I can’t tell which ones are my own. I’ve been stuck in them for so long that I don’t even know what kind of person I was before. Maybe I never did.”
Kotone pressed her forehead to his chest, listening to the dead stillness inside him. She didn’t want to answer. She did anyway. “Neither do I.” Makoto blinked down at her. Confused. He probably expected her to deliver some retort. “I don’t know who I am anymore,” she whispered. “Not after all this. Not after all I’ve done to get here. Not after pushing everyone away. I’ve been rotting just like you. You lost yourself here and I lost myself out there.” Kotone took a quick breath. “So what? We’re both broken.”
Her brother didn’t have a response for that.
Kotone swallowed and finally looked up at him with red eyes. “We can be broken together. I don’t need you to be whole. I don’t need me to be whole either. I just… need you to come home. We can start all over. Like we did before.”
She blinked.
He was gone.
Kotone fell to her knees as tiredness overcame her. Makoto might have surrendered to her demands. She could leave this place and he might be waking up from his coma. She could leave this place and he might be gone for good. She sat there. Every minute the portal was held open cost her four million yen. None of that mattered. She couldn't bear to go back and face reality. So she sat there. She sat still. She didn’t do anything. Kotone didn’t even cry. She silenced her own thoughts. She sat. She waited.
It took a long time to force herself to stand. It took longer still to turn back towards the entrance. It too far longer to decide if it was even worth risking going back. But there was a chance. There was a chance, no matter how small, and that had to be enough. Chances were all that had kept her going. Chances were all that had brought her here. It had to be enough to get her back. She forced one foot in front of another.
At least one last time, Kotone would go home.