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TK’s hands shook as he twisted the vial of opioids between his fingers. He knew he didn’t have much time. Sooner or later, he would be caught, but maybe part of him wanted to be caught. Part of him wanted to be saved from the crushing blanket of grief that was suffocating him, saved from the relapse that was around the corner, because he’d never been strong enough to stand on his own.
A flash of his mother's smile ran through his mind, and his heart started to physically hurt. She would be so disappointed if he used her death as an excuse to get high. But how was he supposed to live with the pain he was in? He didn’t want to feel like this anymore. Maybe he didn’t want to feel anything anymore.
The last time he had sat in front of a full bottle of Oxy’s was after Alex had broken up with him. After he had already bought the ring and planned out their lives together. It was too much then, and it was too much now.
A flush of guilt burned at his skin as he thought of Carlos, Nancy, his dad… Everyone who had been cheering him on these past few years to get to the place where he could wake up and not feel the overwhelming urge to throw it all away. He was doing good, he was happy.
And Gwyn just had a baby who would now grow up motherless. At least TK had the years that he did with his mother. Would Jonah even remember her smile? Would he be able to rest in the memory of her embrace? His dad thinks that he’ll be fine, but how could he ever be fine, only getting one year on this earth with his mother? It wasn’t fair.
“What are you doing, son?”
His whole body flinched at the arrival of his father. TK tried to slip the narcotics back into the bag before his dad could see but it was too late. The look of heartbreak had already written its way across the fire captain’s face.
“Nothing. Just, inventory.”
“Inventory?”
Both father and son knew that wasn’t the entire truth, but neither was willing to say it out loud. TK put the bag back into the safe, making sure his father saw his hands were empty.
“What, are you going to arrest me for doing my job?” TK lashed out.
Owen sighed. “We’re going to miss the flight. Get changed and I’ll meet you in the car.”