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“You’re the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life.”
Surprisingly, those words did not come from Archie or Smurfskeleton but from the feral-looking Smurf Girl standing in front of him clad in brown clothes…that were covered with a set of bone armour. She even had a skull for a helmet.
She seemed like an interesting character.
Skelly had heard of Smurffang from some of the conversations between the Smurfs he eavesdropped on before they noticed his presence and got startled into silence.
A travelling merchant who was very much obsessed with bones (like Archie and his brother) and skulls and always seemed to have what you needed. If you had bones to pay with that is.
No one knew who she was or where she came from as she just showed up out of the blue at one of the other villages in the Forbidden Forest. They didn’t even know if she had a home village or not.
They said she said that she called the Deep Forest whatever that meant home.
And now…here he was meeting the mysterious merchant. Like Skeleton, she had approached him without even the slightest trace of fear. She seemed really excited to meet him as well.
“Why, thank you,” Skelly grinned as he turned fully to face the shorter Smurf Girl.
“Let me tell you; when I heard that this…Sorcerer kid brought back a skeleton, I had to come here. I didn’t expect to…”
“See a living skeleton?” Skelly asked.
“Exactly,” Fang nodded, sticking out her hand, “Name’s Smurffang but you can call me Fang.”
“Skelly,” Skelly shook the hand, noting that Fang didn’t seem to shiver or give any signs that she was shaking a cold skeleton’s hand. Must be used to it, he supposed, “And let me guess; you’re fascinated by me too?”
“Not every day you see a walking, talking skeleton. I have a few…skeletons in my closet,” Fang snorted, “But they’re not a very lively bunch so…”
Skeleton-themed puns. Yeah, Fang and Jokey would probably get on like a village on fire. Or they would set the village on fire together.
“Oh, look, it’s Arch!” Fang pointed in the direction of his approaching friend, “Hey, Archie!”
“Hi, Fang,” Archaeologist sighed, “What brings you to to our village this time?”
“Oh, your new friend,” Fang grinned as she jerked a thumb in his direction, “Where did you find him anyway?”
“Oh, the Halloween store was giving out a free magical skeleton with every ten orders,” Archie remarked.
“Do you mind writing down the address so I can get one for myself?”
“No.”
“Aw, why not?” Fang pretended to pout, “I thought we were friends.”
“Friends might be a bit of a stretch,” Archie crossed his arms, “I mean you are a semi-feral merchant who refuses to organise her bones properly. And uses them improperly.”
“Please, you’re just jealous of how awesome my fashion sense is,” Fang chuckled, gesturing to herself.
“Archie, she might have a point,” Skelly added thoughtfully, rubbing his chin in thought, “That’s quite the fashion design.”
“See? Your undead friend appreciates it. Thanks by the way.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Thanks for lending me…a hand,” Fang chuckled at her own joke.
“Would you like a literal one?” Skelly asked, detaching one of his hands to add to the joke.
“Great, now we got three jokesters,” Archie sighed.
“There, there, Archie,” Fang patted Archie on the shoulder, “Everything’s going to be alright.”
“Please stop,” Archie groaned, “Please…”
“How about no?” Fang before yelping as Storm appeared and suddenly picked her up, “Hey, pick me down!”
“Hey, guys,” Storm said casually, “Smurffang bothering you?”
“Eh, not really,” Skelly shrugged.
“In my case…yes,” Archie sighed.
“Oh, come on, Archie, I thought we were friends! And friends help each other out!” Fang then turned to Skelly, “Skelly, help me out.”
Skelly looked at Storm who raised an eyebrow before shaking his head, “Sorry, Fang. See you next time!”
“Traitors! Damn you both! Traitors the lot of you!” Fang shouted, waving her fist as Storm marched away.
“Well, she seemed nice,” Skelly remarked.
“Just…watch your back around her, Skelly,” Archie said, “She might decide to kidnap you and make you part of her collection.”
“Would she?”
“…I once saw an actual Smurf skeleton fall out of her closet,” Archie shivered.
“Oh.”
“OW! YOU BIT ME! WHAT THE FUCK, FANG!?” They turned to see Fang running over.
“By the way, you wouldn’t mind being part of the collection, would you?”
“No thanks,” Skelly shook his head, “Just got free from spending a cave trapped in the same plae where some shithead who enslaved me died so…not keen on doing that again.”
“Understandable. Have a nice day,” Fang then proceeded to run for her wagon as Storm walked over, clutching her arm.
“You alright, Storm?”
“No,” Storm answered flatly, “I’m pretty sure that she didn’t break through skin but still, it hurt like a bitch and I’m fairly certain that she has God knows how much bacteria in there so I’m off to see Willow.”
“She’s like a raccoon, isn’t she?” Skelly observed.
“Yup,” Storm sighed, “At least she doesn’t eat trash. Otherwise, I might be even more fucked. Anyway, see you guys.”
As Storm walked away, their attention turned to the wagon which was making its way out of the village.
“…So, how does she organise improperly?” Skelly asked.
“She put a hip bone with an arm bone!”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…What?”