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He was no stranger to betrothals.
When he was still a loyal shinobi of Taki and wasn’t sent on a mission meant to kill him, he remembered how letters asking for his hand would flood his mother’s desk during his rare time to himself. She had been very respectful of his refusals of them; he had no interest nor drive to marry back then.
Even now, marriage was the last thing on his mind. He had an organization to run, finances to straighten out and missions to complete. When he thought about it, where would he have even had the time to find someone that would put up with his lifestyle of constant travel, hunting dangerous bounties and saving money at any cost?
He is fine by himself.
Well he was fine by himself until Hidan came into his life. Ever since he had been assigned to be his partner it felt as if his whole life had been turned upside down. There was hardly any quiet when they travelled together. Bounties were becoming too easy to catch especially since his partner couldn’t die from anything. Money flowed in as quickly as it was given out to pay for expenses because unfortunately he no longer was the only one travelling now.
Kakuzu adjusted to it though because what else can he do? One does not live over 90 years and not learn how to adapt to the ever changing world.
He has outlived so many people; former colleagues, old friends, enemies, even family. Hidan was annoying but at the same time he didn’t hate his company. If anything it helped pass the time when he was able to snap and bark orders at the younger man. Somehow it never deterred the Jashinist either, if anything it seemed to make him more determined to talk the miser’s ear off.
Their relationship wasn’t the healthiest, but it’s what worked for the pair as they did their best to make the partnership work.
Kakuzu just never expected this latest development to be thrown their way when they were summoned to Pain’s office.
“...I…I do not believe I heard your correctly, Pain-sama,” Kakuzu rumbled softly.
“I believe I have articulated my order as clear as day,” The head of the Akatsuki sat behind his desk, fingers clasped and eyes narrowed at the pair.
Hidan was for once stunned into silence; his akatsuki cloak hanging off his shoulder as he looked quite taken aback. It seemed he was still processing what their leader said. Pain was probably one of the most stoic and imposing people amongst their organization. He was no nonsense however for once Kakuzu thought the man may have been joking.
“You and Hidan are to be married in thirty days for your mission,” Pain rumbled softly as he looked both of them in the eyes.
Married. Their leader was arranging them to be married before their next mission. He swallowed thickly as he tried to keep his fists from activating his jutsu so he could break the man’s damned desk. That would not help their case right now.
“May I ask why?”
Pain raises a pierced brow before he takes another slow breath, “...the mission you will be undertaking is to gather information on one of the jinchuriki. However the area in which you are required to go only allows married couples within its walls. Kisame and Itachi are indisposed hunting for the Jinchuriki of Konoha and as you know Sasori has no partner at this time since Orochimaru’s departure. You two are the only option and are the second most compatible for this mission.”
Kakuzu’s eye twitched once. Then again before he puts his hands together like he was going to pray to some god for divine intervention. He ground his teeth together as he swallowed and looked down at the ground.
“....Thirty days you said?”
He snapped his head to face Hidan so fast he swore for a moment that he may have broken his neck with the loud crack it made.
Instead of looking pissed or at the very least irritated, Hidan strangely looked more pensive about what was being asked of them as he rested his cheek against his own fist; like he was seriously considering it right now.
“And it has to be a legit marriage? Will a fake marriage license not cut it?”
Pain sighed softly, “If that were an option we wouldn’t be having this conversation. They are very, very efficient when it comes to marriage licenses and certificates. In order for this to work you two are going to have to marry.”
Hidan clicked his tongue a moment and hummed quietly, “....again. Thirty days?”
“Yes, Hidan.”
“...Shit,” Hidan bites his bottom lip, “Thirty days isn’t a lot of time to plan, I mean what am I gonna wear? Hell, I need to send word out and find a jashinist priest to come and marry us, hopefully they can make it…oh then there’s the food and the clothes…shit shit shit…” He started pacing much to Kakuzu's consternation.
He watched the younger man as he started to mutter under his breath. Pain looked a bit surprised at this sudden development as he tilted his head slightly at Hidan. It seemed he wasn’t expecting Hidan to so readily accept the orders for this mission and if Kakuzu was frank he had hoped the younger man would pitch a fit if only to get Pain to at least assign it to someone else not them.
“Kakuzu.”
The miser jumped a bit before he blinked at Hidan with narrowed eyes, “What?”
“What colors would you like? I like red and black and silver but like…you should have a say since it’s your wedding too right?”
Wedding? What? Is he really going to go through with this?!
“Oh the rings! I need to get us engagement rings, then wedding rings, uuh hmm…” he snapped his fingers a bit as if deep in thought now, “...Oh! I know a good gemstone dealer! He can cut me a deal…”
Kakuzu stared at the man a moment longer just….processing what the hell Hidan was saying. The other sounded excited to be getting married…even if it was for a mission that required it the other just…seemed so giddy.
Kakuzu deflated a bit and sighed. He supposes if he wasn’t getting out of this he may as well make the best of it.
I could do worse.