Chapter Text
“We fucked up…” Becky whispered as Trillian dug through the piles of scrap in her ship, “We really fucked up…” she was crying, it was definately Becky crying, it wasn’t Trillian, nope no not at all Trillian wasn’t crying about this- this wasn’t something worth sobbing over. This wasn’t any big deal.
Arthur was just being a big baby! A big, big, stupid, skin-shark baby! He was fine! He was fine- He was fine…
“He’s dying…” Becky whispered, “Shut up Becky! We have time- We have time.” Trillian cast a single glance to the egg timer, “We just have to hope the idiot didn’t start nattering! He said he can hold his breath for 30 minutes!"
“He hasn’t practiced that in a while.”
“He’s practiced! But- but we have to find a spare helmet or oxygen tank! Just one! Just one! Idiot didn’t have any spares on his ship! Absolute idiot!” Trillian was breathing so heavily, so anxiously, it was aching in her lungs, she needed to save Arthur, he needed to live. “Otherwise we won’t get off this shitty rock! WHERE DID WE PUT IT!?”
Becky was quiet and then, “Trillian- Up on that shelf!”
Trillian rushed for the shelf, almost tripping over the broken waffle iron, she grabbed at it and stared, a spare helmet and an oxygen canister, heavy with the pure air inside, “Thank fuck-” Trillian gasped, tucking them both under her arms and running to the exit.
Brown grass and weeds tangled around her feet, trying to drag her down, but that wasn’t the worst part. No, that was the beast that snarled amongst the bracken, lunging towards her with rapid strides, “SHIT!”
Some kind of devil, dinosaur, dog thing that snarled like a cat and looked like it ate boulders for breakfast with a helping of cement made like it was about to bash into her side. “WHAT ARE YOU!?” She yelped, not allowing her stride to falter as she ran.
Why did Arthur always pick such awful places!? WAS HE CURSED!? “HE BETTER NOT HAVE CURSED ME! oh he'll have hell to pay-”
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Arthur didn't want to be here, on this large runway in nothing, on the mirrored plain of yellowed concrete, unable to leave the pointed path that led to the monolithic launcher. That led to the catapult that would toss Ḧ̵̙̪͇̱̗̳̮̫̦̀́͑̈̚͠i̴̱̦̋̌͌̊̄͌̃͐͆̕m̴̧̬̝̲̬̼̫͚͇̟̱̳͙̀̈̇̄͆̉̈́̿̌̔̽̕ into nowhere.
It was bright out, not unlike it had been that day, but also, so different to how it had been, there were clouds looming distant on the horizon and he was certain they hadn't been there before.
They were pathetic fallacy, His subconscious version of events. He knew that- he knew it. He wanted to wake up now.
His feet marched him forward. Striding closer and closer to that god awful pyre, the tombstone for two, but in this moment only for one.
Formless entities dance about until he walks past, then they hang there, suspended In nothing, immobile shadows strung up like balloons or puppets, writhing in a breeze that had been present that day but hadn't been nearly this strong.
Tried to turn back, tried so desperately hard, his feet dug into the concrete, his body tipped and pitched over catching on the wind and billowing out like a kite, floating up with the birds of the same name.
That was until he came crashing back down, slamming into the concrete the same way one slams into water. With a heavy thud and a nonpresent stabbing pain in his broken bones.
He didn't want to be here. He was lucky enough not to be here for himself. He'd have given anything to be here for himself. He'd had given anything to have stayed Stanley just a little longer. To have held back that gnawing echo in his brain just a few more days.
Just a few more days- and it would have been him. It would have been him. Not him. H̴̢̟͇̹͓̥̗̞͑̓̍ē̶͉̣̞̜̓̏̽̎̔͗̌͌ would be fine. H̴̢̟͇̹͓̥̗̞͑̓̍ē̶͉̣̞̜̓̏̽̎̔͗̌͌ would be alive.
But then again Arthur couldn't know that- he couldn't. He just couldn't. Because maybe in that situation he would have been on the Aurora. H̴̢̟͇̹͓̥̗̞͑̓̍ē̶͉̣̞̜̓̏̽̎̔͗̌͌ would have been stuck on that watery wasteland. H̴̢̟͇̹͓̥̗̞͑̓̍ē̶͉̣̞̜̓̏̽̎̔͗̌͌ would have to deal with the disease. H̴̢̟͇̹͓̥̗̞͑̓̍ē̶͉̣̞̜̓̏̽̎̔͗̌͌ would be struggling to walk for long. H̴̢̟͇̹͓̥̗̞͑̓̍ē̶͉̣̞̜̓̏̽̎̔͗̌͌ would return to earth and find…
Find no one when H̴̢̟͇̹͓̥̗̞͑̓̍ē̶͉̣̞̜̓̏̽̎̔͗̌͌ should have been there. H̴̢̟͇̹͓̥̗̞͑̓̍ē̶͉̣̞̜̓̏̽̎̔͗̌͌ said he'd be there. Ḫ̷̤̩͚̻͕̥̣̖̘̣̌͆̋ẹ̸̙̠̤̠͚͑̄̇̽͂͌̈́͘͝'̷͉͓̪͔̳̣̩͈̫̖̽͊̾̔̑̿͒̈̆̃ḑ̶͍̗̱̈́ promised Ḫ̷̤̩͚̻͕̥̣̖̘̣̌͆̋ẹ̸̙̠̤̠͚͑̄̇̽͂͌̈́͘͝'̷͉͓̪͔̳̣̩͈̫̖̽͊̾̔̑̿͒̈̆̃ḑ̶͍̗̱̈́ be there.
And yet, H̴̢̟͇̹͓̥̗̞͑̓̍ē̶͉̣̞̜̓̏̽̎̔͗̌͌ wasn't. And Arthur was alone. Arthur had failed. Arthur had fucked up. Arthur had let his B̷̙̣̦̜͆͒̔̈́̾͛ͅͅå̸̭̗̬̾͌͋̃̉͂́̓͝b̵̝͍͖̫̪̖͓̾͛̀͌͂͆̓͠y̷̡̢͔͕̞̗̦̻̤̳̥̻̅͜ ̶͉̺̳̺̓͒̀̆b̶̨͓͉̞̠̳͕̙̼͈̳̅͒̀r̴̡̫͔̙̻̣͍̮̔̊̌̿̈́̌̆ͅo̸̩̞̪̘͍̜̻̰̗̾̕t̷̺͓͙̜̳͐̀̄͌̑̌̑̀̔h̴̬̲͇̗̯̼̲̊̔̀̏̇̽̓̂̈͜͠͠͝ě̶͖̟̥͖̘̻̋͗̽͆̓́̓̒̕ͅr̶̲̥̝̱̐̓̍́̇͒͝͠͝ die.
W̸̝͚̊̇͑̽̋̔̔̔̿͘ḩ̷͖̭̹͍͔̩͎̭́̎̀̀̀a̵̢̮̗̦͚͍̕͝t̶̡̙̲̠̜̪͍̰͖̬̹͙́͊̂̾͆̉̚̕ ̶̣̟͐͆̇̄͐̀̈́̿̈́̄̄̕͜k̶͈͕̯̰̳͒͌̄̓̀͊̔̔̿̄͌͘ȋ̶̢̭͉̗̖͙̲̞̠̘̞̉̒̈́́̀͗n̶̡̨̨̫̞͉͕̗̘͛͌̂͗̒̓̐̿̃̇̇͐͝d̸̢̡͕͉̞̻̣͈̱̭͕̜̤̉͌̓̈́̀̎̇́͘ ̸͚̺͉̻̑͂̿̽͂̑̆͘͝o̴͓̼̩͓̳͓̊̈́f̸̛͍́̐̌͊̔̒̉͆̚ ̸̫͂̐̉̄̎b̶̹͉̹̽͂ŗ̷̨̙̠̥̟̭̣̖͇̂̔̓͊̓̐͒̅̈́̏͝ͅͅǒ̸̡̻̩͔̠̪͚̻̝͉͛̽͘t̵̢̨̧̠̘̬̫̼͓̝̣̋̓͆͐̈́̌̐̿͋̓́̎ͅh̷̥͕̩̘̺̼̭̙̗̞̐̈́͌̇̉e̸̲̲̿̌͐̚͝͝͝͠r̸̛̰̺̳͈͙̟͓̰͊͌͑̾̌̆̽́͂ ̸͕̞͚͖̩̳͕̙͕͓̰̓̆̆̋͝ͅd̸̨̫̘̭̊̚i̴̢̡̛̯̮͔̜̤͇͖͖͋̍͐̒̅́̒͐̒͂̈ͅd̷͓͇̦͐̓̓̋͜͜ ̸̨͙̖̝͙͎̮͂̉́̏̈́͑͌͜͝ṭ̸̡̧͙̤͙̟̞͚̪͚̭̤́̈́͒͊̊̈́́̒͗̚͝͝h̸̡͔̺͇̟͕͉͍̀̍͘͜a̸̧͖̥͈͔̪̱̅̏̍̉̐́ţ̷̛̞̣̦̊̏̈̿̎͘?̷̢̙̗͚̫̺̠̜̣͈̇̃̏
The shadows kept dancing until he passed, when they froze and stared in horror at the crumpled mess on the floor.
He wouldn't change his words. He couldn't change his words. He never could fix it. He never would make it right. He never would-
“What do you want, Arthur?” H̴̢̟͇̹͓̥̗̞͑̓̍ē̶͉̣̞̜̓̏̽̎̔͗̌͌ snapped staring at him with sharp, Arthur willed himself to see H̶̛͕̲̞̊̀́̑̅̾͑͌̕i̶̲̣͖̘͓͛̍́̆͆́̍̕͝͝ś̶̢͇͖̰̰͓̅́̾͗́̽́̐̂͆͆̎ͅ eyes.
W̴͙͎̱̭͍͐̑̇̊̄͘͝h̴̨̟̹̜͖͖͙͎̱̐̒̄͒̓́͗͊͛̀̐͜͝e̴͉̪̞̝̜͉̖̗̲̿̌́͗͛͒́̂̓̈́͘r̸̨͇̲͉̠̰̹̋̀ẹ̷̎͌̏̽̄͒͑̌̏̈́͋̕̕ ̷͛͆͗̓̓̊̊͐̚̕̕͜ą̵̹̖̭͈̥͒͂́͛ṟ̴͍̬̄͜ẹ̷̢̧̛̛̰̦̝̲̍̀̈̓̆̉̓́́͠͝ ̷̦̮̮͛́̀́́̅ĥ̶̢̧̛̈́̀̽̋̉͒̋͝i̸̳͎̞̞̺̞̫̤̜͌̈́̀̍̓̃̐͌̀͜͠͠s̵̺̙͚͙̎̔̔ͅ ̸̧̧̭̻̻͕̘̩͚̩̠͚͌̀͂͛̋͒̎̊͛͆͘͜ě̵̛̗̲̙͉̫̜̄̈̂̏̎̃̈́̋͊̇y̷͉̭̲͉̠̆͗̿͊̈́̎̇͜e̷̡̢͉͈̲̗̭͎̋̊͋̉̍̏̇́͘͘͝ͅs̸̨̢̮͚͉̳͖̺͒̃̈́̓̀̔ͅ?̶̨̡̝͖̖̮̘̳̤̉̀̾̕͝
W̴̧͓̰̱͓͚͙̻̯̑̒̈́̀̋̾̈́̽̈̌̔͝h̴͎̩̯̼͎̠̠̯̜̜͙̉̅̕͘͝e̷̛͇̓r̵͙̩̟̙̱̱̲̗̦͇̘̈́̈́͑̈̈́̔́ë̴̜̩̘̟͈̪̞̺̘̻̪́͘͜ ̴̢̤̭̩̲̈̀̔̉̔̽̆͘͘į̸̧̣̣͌̉̈́̓̔̊̏̚̕̕s̴̯̮̖͓̎ ̵̧̹̙̻̙͍̲̜͔̘̎̒͊́́̄͌̑́̊͘ͅh̶̭͌̀̅͌̅̏͂̓́̃͠͠į̵̱̖͇̼̞͔͖́́͠ͅs̵̻͊̀̔͒́͐̒̕͝ ̶̩͛͘f̷̢̻̮̣̯̬̱̫̐̀̈́́̿̀̄̚͝ą̴̡̯̘̬̯̼̙̾̈͌͜c̸̡̢̤̊e̴̢̱̭̳̘͉͚̬̯̳͒?̸̜͚̖̉̍̃͊̋́
Arthur was staring at a shadow. An echo. A mirror with no reflection. A twisting, melting mass without even a hint of a recognisable feature.
Their mother had been adamant that they looked the same. She'd taken pride in telling them apart. It wasn't supposed to be a challenge. Arthur was older.
But that was their mother… sharp and cruel.
And this- this was his- his, his B̷̢̛̙̩̱̹̘̀̅̀͋͜ṛ̷̗͆̑͋̔́̅͗̑̀ơ̸̱̺̣̝͕̻͔̘̹͖̹̂̉̇̽̉͠ț̸̢͔͂̈́̏̎̀͌͗̆̇̚͘͘h̴͖̻̮͖̰̻̠͚͛̾͑̆͐͗̐͊̍͌̕͘͘e̷̯̟̟̠̗̳̱͍͍͔͕͐͌̿́̒͝r̴̲͕̲̤͕̮͉̖̪̘͙͒ this was W̷̩̃̓̊ḣ̴̨͍̤̐a̸̡̢̓͐͠t̴̘͚́͘'̵̛̤̠͓̤̈́̕͠s̶̛͉̼̱̗̔ ̵̭͎̆̓͝ĥ̴̪͚̔͆i̸͕̝͖̬͐̏͠s̶̬̯̝͙̉ ̴͙͎̱̻̓́͝n̷͔̮̓ậ̵̛̹̹̎̍m̸͓͚̦͗͌̿e̴͍̝̋̄͜?̶̰̞̯̆̃̽̂
“You're not meant to be here Arthur!” Said the echo of a man, “Go home-”
“I-” I'm sorry. I fucked up. Please don't hate me. Please walk away. We have time. We won't if you stay. We won't if you leave. I'll never see you again! “I found out there's an open position on the Aurora. They need a biologist!”
“I'm not a biologist, Arthur.” the echo snapped, tired, Arthur forgot how often this argument or similar ones happened. He wondered if that was why- Why they stopped being friends. Why they’d lost touch.
“But we’d be together! Like old times!”
“Like when everyone compares us? Like how everyone pitted us against each other? Like when you were better than me?!” The echo twisted with rage hand shoving into Arthur's chest, I never wanted that! I was never better! I was just- I was just louder.
“That's not my fault! Look, it's not like mums coming on the ship!” he tried to joke, the echo almost snarled, “OH FUCK OFF ARTHUR! I’m going!” You don't want to though! I know that now! I know you didn’t choose this! So come with me! Please… Please…
Rain poured down twisting around them both, Arthur growing more and more sodden as the echo stared at him, the cold seeping into his bones, dragging across his skin, his hair sticking to his temple. Arthur could smell salt and fish, could feel that same dragging exhaustion on his skin, the one that came from living around the Aurora. The exhaustion that radiated through him even now.
“Please- I… I’m sorry.” I miss you, I miss you so much.
The echo sighed, its blank face twisting with defeat and exhaustion, “We’ll talk about it later Arthur…” he said, holding out a hand. Arthur froze, staring at him, his body shuddered and then he lunged forwards grabbing his brother and holding him tightly in his arms.
The dream shuddered, flexing and rippling around the point of contact, Arthur had left, He wasn’t going to now. He wasn’t going to- he couldn't. He wouldn’t. He didn't care if the world was shaking. He didn't care if he was lost.
Water rose above his ankles, above his calf, his knees, his thighs, his hips, his waist.
He would not let go.
Not as waves lapped his chest.
Not as water pushed over his shoulders.
Not as it crawled up his face, over his lips and into his mouth.
Salt stung his eyes, burning them.
He held on. This was his lifeline. This was his safety net.
He couldn't let go. He couldn’t. Not again. Not again. Not again…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
A crashed ship? Zay had to assume that was what this was, a spaceship, one that had crashed at the base of a cliff facing out to the open plains of brownish bracken and grey stone.
It was technically two crashed ships, one had simply landed further out into the barren landscape, it was a miracle neither of them had burst into flames but really Zay wasn't sure what would trigger that even happening.
It wasn't like these ships were in rough condition. They seemed almost- he ducked down and hid behind a rock as a figure, small given the great height the cliffs gave him, wandered over towards the first ship, they wandered around before vanishing inside.
It was silent for a moment and then, then the figure reamerged, greater haste in their movements as they scrambled back towards their own ship.
Well, now he definitely was curious, and if that other thing wasn't sticking around... He slid down the edge of the cliff landing in a pool of water shaking it off from his long black hair like a dog.
Not that he was a dog. He'd never been a dog. He was a human. A clone sure. But a human clone. Not a dog clone. Why would he be a dog? That's ridiculous.
Zay breathed deeply and patted himself dryer, then circled around the ship, he did not recognise the make or model, he was sure some parts were Aperture which was a rare sight, he'd been quite certain they'd focussed on more human testing, then Alterra, that Alterra? Arthur's Alterra? And some parts were definitely Kindred... Which brought back some not so fun memories.
There was a large hole in the side of the ship, possibly from the crash, it was almost large enough to just walk through. He wasn't going to step into the unknown though, so he poked his head through first.
"Hello?" He called on instinct, immediately cursing himself when he heard a thud and the sound of something breaking.
Zay tilted his head, and stared around the ship, it was shockingly well built, maybe a bit more duct tape than was comfortable but it was genuinely well made for something built from parts designed not to fit together.
There was a lot of stuff in here, parts he didn't recognise and pieces that made no sense. Strange mechanical things that glowed in blues, greens and purples, odd floating spheres that crackled with electricity when they bounced off each other, and a large geometric crystal.
There was movement in the back and Zay quietly followed it, stepping around boxes and other items that had been shoved backwards against the wall, blocking off a corridor. In which crouched down was a man.
He'd probably be tall if he was standing straight, his face held tanned skin with patchings of lighter skin scattered across it, long black hair fell in tight messy coils curtaining his features, but his wide eyes fixed on Zay with a deep intensity.
He looked- familiar, Zay stared down at the man and felt his heart begin to race, Arthur?
This was Arthur. What was he doing here? How was he here? Arthur! Zay's hands were shaking and he was half certain he was on the verge of collapse.
Arthur turned away from him and instead fixed his gaze on a clock, staring at it whilst Zay approached, pushing the crates away. Slowly creating a path of himself towards who had to be Arthur.
"Hey there," Zay tried, he tried to sound less anxious than he felt, less delighted, more calm, more relaxed. Tried not to sound like the way his skin itched to lunge forwards.
Arthur turned his head jerkily at the sound head tilting at the sound of Zay's voice, and when his eyes caught onto Zays’ they seemed hazier, "Oh- uh... hello? Who are you?"
"You," Zay froze, unable to find the words pulling at his throat, "you don't know me?" He longed for him to say that wasn't true just one word or utterance so that his heart could rise up from the floor it had plunged itself to.
"I'm sorry- I'm really tired... my name is, my name is uh-" he was stumbling, more and more, he'd never seen Arthur stumble, never heard his words falter in such a way that he sounded almost pathetic. Nothing like the stronger one, the shining one, this was not a cracked shield, this was one with a sword still plunged through it.
"Your name is Arthur... You're Arthur." Zay murmured, reaching out he took his brother by the arm and guided him down to the floor, settling his back against the wall, then he sat opposite him in the narrow corridor, his knees tucked under his chin, like when they were kids and had been sent to sit in the corridor to 'think about your actions'.
"Arthur, right... And who are you?" He looked up at Zay, when had that become a thing? When did Arthur start looking up? When had Zay started looking down?
But the eye contact did something, it let Zay notice something small, miss matched pupils, one nearly a pinprick against one that nearly overtook the whole iris.
"Let's just say we knew each other, very well." He offered softly, patting his brother's boot, Arthur's brow furrowed at that, confusion knotting his face but instead of following it his older brother sighed "Oh, Okay."
"I need you to come with me-" Zay started reaching for Arthur's hand but his older brother nudged it away, "I think I'm just going to say here," He patted the ground, "Thanks. But I think I need to rest."
"You don't want to leave? To explore?" Arthur loved to explore, he loved trying new things, and thrived off of it. Why had that changed?
What else has changed?
"I just uh-" Arthur raised a hand again and stared at it, "I don't think I can..." his voice trailed off, vanishing into the echoing silence of the ship's corridor.
Zay took Arthur's hand and gently pressed it against his older brother's lap, "Okay," he began doing his best to steady his voice, "Okay... Maybe you just rest then."
"Yeah, yeh.... What? What was your name again?" Arthur's head tilted quizzically trying to meet Zay's eyes once again.
"It's Zay." He mumbled pulling back.
"Zay? Like Jay with a Z first?" His black brows pinched and Zay let out a tiny chuckle "Yeah..."
"Funny name for a human..." Arthur stated softly, head tilting backwards like he was scanning the ceiling for something.
Zay snorted at that, "Well, Arthur's a strange name for an astronaut." He teased and Arthur waved him off, "Oh, I'm just the janitor... My little brother- he's the," his voice trailed off again but Zay's heart had already leapt up and done a little jig around his chest.
"You gave me this name you know?" Zay tried to press, If Arthur could remember that- could remember having a brother, then maybe, just maybe.
"Why did I do that?" Arthur asked but Zay wasn't sure the question was for him to answer, not with the way Arthur tilted his head down, sagging slightly more.
Zay reached forwards, taking his brother by the shoulders and staring into his face, "Maybe... Maybe if you think about it. It'll come to you."
"Maybe... hey look... I'm going, I'm going to rest now..." Arthur patted his arm, like they would those nights locked in their rooms, reaching through the darkness to grab the other's arm, to remind them they weren't alone.
"Okay," Zay said pulling back, his hand briefly brushed against Arthur's and he prayed that Arthur would remember, that it'd jolt him into memory, It didn't. "You rest now... Arthur?"
"Yeah?"
"Goodbye..." Zay felt his throat closing around the words, a sickness pitting in his stomach, but he rose to his feet and wandered down the hall, out towards the open plains beyond.
"Huh," Arthur's voice froze him just as he began to step outside. "For some reason... I hate goodbyes."
Zay tilted his head backwards to the open sky, blinking away tears that were threatening to fall.
"Me too..."
It was just as he finally shoved his way out of the hole in the side of the wall that someone else came barrelling towards him, a giant hog hot on their heels, and a space helmet on hand.
“ARTHUR! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?”