Chapter Text
Adam swore under his breath as he read through the reports. The test results looked nothing as expected. He couldn’t even blame it on anyone. It was not a big issue in the grand scheme of things- they were still on schedule to finish it before their deadline. The problem was that Adam’s deadline did not line up with the official one. He wanted to be done before Christmas. He needed to be done by then.
Lisa, his collaborator, was a great scientist and he enjoyed working with her on this project, however, she didn’t quite grasp the idea of taking time off work. If the grant was still in progress over the Christmas break, Adam knew he’d be expected to be available. And the worst thing was- Adam couldn’t even fault her for that. Before Olive, Adam had had the exact same mindset as Lisa.
Now that he had two children and his wonderful wife, his home time was sacred. Birthdays, festive periods, anniversaries, first days of school and other seemingly pointless events were marked off in his calendar a year in advance.
But that was before this grant.
It was a great opportunity for him and Lisa. It was a project he was genuinely excited for and enjoyed working on it. But... the results took longer than he’d expected, and Adam struggled to hide his frustration.
He looked at the results once more and then opened his calendar app. He had just over three months before Christmas. But then again- he still had to account for this year’s SBD trip, Thanksgiving and any time off his team members had requested. He was not going to make it unless he worked harder now.
It would be fine, he decided. Some overtime here and there was worth being fully present for Christmas. He wanted to make sure he was there to make memories with Kai, Holly and Olive. Overworking himself now was the way to go. He had experience in juggling home and work commitments. He had experience in being the last one to leave the labs too. That’s how he’d gotten into his fake dating ruse with his now wife, after all, he thought fondly as he fidgeted with his wedding band.
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“Sweetheart, can you drive Kai to his soccer practice today? I need to work late” he said when he finally found a minute to visit his wife in her office.
He hated how despite working in the same building they rarely managed to find the time to see each other. They still tried to have a coffee break together every now and again, but now that Adam was busy spending every available minute on his project, he couldn’t even commit to a half an hour break with Olive.
“I can’t. Anh and I are taking the girls out for a girls’ day, remember?” she reminded him patiently, though the disappointment in her eyes stung.
“Could you possibly reschedule? If I don’t run those tests today everything will get pushed back” he tried to reason, thinking of his schedule.
“No, Adam. I can’t. It’s the second time you want me to reschedule. We agreed that we’d both have alone time with each kid. I’ve not had a one on one with either of them for weeks now.
Adam hated how he couldn’t even argue. When Holly was born it had been their mission to ensure that Kai didn’t feel threatened by the presence of the little girl. They’d established a rule that each child would occasionally have their parents to themselves. Now that the kids were bigger both Adam and Olive tended to opt for quiet places where they could just talk with the kids to make sure that both their eight-year-old Kai, as well as his four-years-old sister had a safe space to talk about whatever potentially bothered them. Other times they did something more exciting like play dates without their siblings, so they learnt that they didn’t have to be a package-deal and didn’t need to do everything together.
So now hearing Olive’s disappointment about Adam’s request nearly made him squirm. He did feel bad, of course he did! He didn’t want his grant to impact Olive’s time with her best friend and the girls... but this was important! He needed to get back on track with his tests! He thought that Olive would understand, since she was a scientist herself.
“Okay” he murmured. “I’ll figure something out. I’ll see you at home. Love you” he said and left not waiting for his wife’s response.
He was in a rush to find a solution so he could get back to his lab with clear conscious.
“Hey man, I have a big favour to ask” Adam said as soon as Holden welcomed him in his office.
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It was nearly Halloween when Adam could truly see the fruit of his hard work and sacrifices. They were ahead of schedule. Lisa praised Adam constantly for his commitment to the project.
Despite the praises, he couldn’t just sit back now. He needed to keep working. They were yet to push the deadline to the satisfying point. At this stage they were still expected to finish by the end of January... and that was simply unacceptable.
He needed to keep working. The finish line was near, but he needed to get even closer to it now. He had the new motivation boost he was desperate to feed off.
The drawback of his hard work was of course his home life. He was nearly a guest in his own house. He tried to still be there for the kids and showed up to one of the most important games of Kai’s socker team and visited Holly’s preschool once when it was Adam’s turn to turn up to one of the ‘parents welcome’ events. Unfortunately, most of the day-to-day tasks were now on Olive’s shoulders since more often than not the kids were in beds by the time their dad came home.
Holden and Malcolm stepped in too, driving the kids to their clubs and entertaining them whenever Adam and Olive were busy.
Adam’s guilty conscious was nearly unbearable, but he needed to keep pushing. He promised himself that as soon as this grant was finalised, he’d take a break and relieve his wife in the housekeeping tasks, maybe take his family for a short break too.
But he... missed them. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock. It was nearly time for school collection. He bolted out of his office and ran to see Olive.
He didn’t have any meetings scheduled for the rest of the day. He planned to work on the grant in peace, but the one nagging thought, the thought that he needed to give his wife and kids big cuddles and attention made him change his plans. They all deserved a nice evening together.
“Hey Sweetheart” he said when he reached Olive’s office just as she was locking the door for the day.
It stung to see that her eyes didn’t light up at the sound of his voice like they had in the past. Olive looked tired, Adam realised surprised. He decided to accept that her reaction to his presence was impacted by her exhaustion.
“Oh, hey” she said absentmindedly.
“I’m done for the day. Would you like to collect the kids together?” he offered with a smile and reached for his wife’s bag.
“Are you sure you’re finished?” Olive asked surprised.
“Yup. I’m calling it a day” he confirmed with a smile.
“If you’re getting the kids, I may as well head home and do some laundry” she said instead and reclaimed her belongings from Adam.
“Oh... I thought we could collect them together? And maybe have a dinner out?” Adam said, unable to hide his disappointment.
“I’m absolutely beat, Adam. I’m still playing catch up. You can take the kids out for dinner, if you want, but I’d rather head home now” she said and moved past him.
He followed her silently, trying to process what just happened. He expected Olive to be happy about his idea. They all loved eating out. He glanced at his tired wife and decided that maybe pushing his offer was not the best course of action and agreed to collect the kids alone instead.
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“Hi dad. Why are you here?” Kai asked surprised when she saw his father, and Adam felt the stab of his words right in the middle of his chest.
“I’m taking you home, of course, Little Man” Adam said with a forced smile, desperate to salvage the situation and not let his son see how much his innocent question hurt him.
“Where’s mom?” Kai pressed on unaware that he was adding to Adam’s upset.
“She's waiting for us at home. We need to get Holly first” Adam explained patiently, even though this had always been their course of action and Adam had expected his son to remember their routine despite the long break in daddy-pickups.
As soon as Holly saw her father, she repeated Kai's questions which added to Adam’s growing guilt. His kids should not be confused to see their dad in charge of looking after them.
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Their evening together looked nothing like Adam had expected. He felt like he was outside looking in. He had no choice but ask follow up questions each time Holly mentioned Lily, her best friend, since as far as he’d remembered his daughter's best friend was called Emma. Apparently, they’d had a falling out and were no longer best friends.
He was actively keeping his kids talk about their school, clubs and friends to take in as much information as possible. He evidently needed to update his database with new details about his own kids’ lives.
Holly excitedly showed her daddy her Halloween costume and Adam wanted to hide in a dark room. He had no clue Olive had already gotten them their outfits... and Adam only just found out what the holiday plan was.
“We’ve got four tickets to a pumpkin patch on Sunday” Olive said when he asked about pumpkin carving. “I told you about it last week and left a note on the fridge” she said with a big basket of clean clothes in her arms.
He couldn’t recall that conversation at all but decided not to question his wife about it. He’d likely end up looking stupid for forgetting.
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The final blow came when he was putting his little princess to sleep.
“Are you ready to read ‘The Pug who wanted to go to school?” he asked with a big smile.
That book series was Adam and Holly’s little tradition. They’d go to a bookshop each time new tome was released and read it together. The book was waiting on the bookshelf for weeks and Adam was excited to finally open it with Holly. He knew it was the latest one, so having read it would make him get on top of one of his home commitments too and after the eye-opening family dinner he was desperate do so something right.
“Mommy and Kai read it with me, Daddy” Holly said patiently as she scanned the bookshelf with her tall dad. “We’re reading ‘Max and Chaffy’ now” she explained and pointed to some comic books Adam was not familiar with.
He let his daughter pick the right tome, since he had no clue how many books in the series she’d already covered, and snuggly covered her when she jumped into her bed.
“No, Daddy” Holly corrected him two pages in “Chaffy has a squeaky voice, like this ‘meep!’” she said with a giggle as she made a high pitch voice he would never be able to copy. “And Chief Constable Moose speaks slooooowly when mommy reads it” she added.
He took her advice seriously and tried his best to read the books the way his daughter wanted him to. He was also surprised how good she’d become at deciphering words herself. She proudly said that Olive got her to read shorter words and phrases too.
Adam had no words. It felt like he'd missed out on years of family life in this short period of working overtime.
“Good night, princess” he whispered when Holly started drifting off. “I love you”
“Night daddy” she said without opening her eyes.
He smiled at his beautiful daughter and kissed her forehead before leaving the room.
He walked past Kai’s room and saw that the boy was still on the floor, playing with his LEGO.
“Hey, buddy. It’s almost bedtime” Adam reminded him.
“I know” Kai grumbled with a scowl that looked just like his father’s. “I just need to build this rocket” he explained with seriousness that nearly made Adam believe that the construction of that rocket was indeed necessary. He couldn’t wait to tell Levi and Elsie, his great friends from NASA about his son’s commitment.
“Do you want a hand?” Adam offered quickly.
“Nah, I’m almost done” Kai said dismissively. “Uncle Malcolm helped me with it, I just want to finish it before he comes over tomorrow” he explained and Adam felt yet another stab of guilt.
He’d used to be Kai’s main co-builder.
“Right. Let me know if you change your mind. And I need you in bed in ten” he added, but his voice carried no strength. He didn’t want to be the bossing Kai around while everyone else was here to actually enjoy their time with the boy.
As he reached the banister, he finally named yet another feeling messing with his head. It was jealousy. Jealousy that everyone else was there to make memories with his children when he was busy providing for the kid’s future. He was only gone for some evenings for god’s sake! He thought to himself angrily as he headed to the kitchen.
Olive was filling the dishwasher blissfully unaware of her husband’s presence.
“Why did you read the Pug book to Holly? You knew it was our thing” Adam asked with clear accusation in his voice.
Olive looked at him surprised, not expecting the outburst. “She waited to read it for two weeks before I caved, Adam. I can only make them stall for so long. Kai was the one who finally offered to read it with her after I told her to pick another book again. We read it together because Holly wanted us to” she explained slowly.
“But I was supposed to do it!” Adam argued instantly.
“Exactly!” his wife snapped. Adam made an unvoluntary step back, shocked by Olive’s anger. “You were supposed to do it. But you didn’t. So we did.”
“I’m here now. Ready to do it!”
“And how was I supposed to know that, Adam? You give me no heads up when to expect you home, so it’s just safer for me to always assume not to expect you” she said making her husband wince.
“That’s unfair” he argued weakly.
“Is it?” she said with a grim smile. “Then why were you not here to read the book if you cared about it so much?” she asked while she continued clearing the counter. As if her discussion with her husband didn’t require her full attention. “We were supposed to be a team, Adam. And now it feels like I’m doing it all alone because you’re never here!”
“Because I’m at work!”
“I have a job too! I am a scientist too! We work together for god’s sake! You don’t get to use that excuse when you bail on me and the kids for weeks! Just because I’m not a MacArthur Fellow doesn’t mean that my job is below yours!”
“That’s just low, Olive!” he spat. “I’ve never said your work was less important!”
“You didn’t have to say it. You made it clear when you left me to drop it whenever the kids needed to go to a dental check-up, whenever there was a school event or Kai’s game. You left me to drop my work commitments and deal with the kids. You left me to run on fumes from not getting a single break as I’m struggling to be both Dr Smith and a goddamn single parent. Because your grant is too important to even go see your son score a goal or kiss your daughter goodnight!”
Adam stared at her feeling as if he was just hit... by a boulder. Olive, his Olive finally snapped and told him all that bothered her. She finally said everything that had clearly boiled in her for weeks. And Adam realised how much he’d fucked up.
“Sweetheart” he rasped out, his voice merely a whisper. “I... can we talk about it?”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’m not able to have a constructive discussion right now, Adam. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you like this-”
“No. I deserved it” he argued honestly. He really deserved this wake-up call.
“No. You didn’t deserve to get yelled at. And bringing up MacArthur was unfair too. I’m sorry, Adam. I genuinely am. I... I just need a break” she said weakly.
Adam’s heart broke when he noticed Olive’s glassy eyes.
“Come here” he whispered and opened his arms. He nearly cried himself too, when she didn’t reject him and jumped into his embrace. “I’m so sorry, Sweetheart. Come on, let’s get some rest. We can watch one of your terrible shows” he offered jokingly, though his voice was so strained that even he didn’t hear any humour in it.
“I can’t. I have a stack of reports I need to go through.”
“Can it not wait? You need some rest, Olive” he advised, but his words were hit with another wave of his wife’s irritation.
“I know I do” she said. “But I’ve put those reports aside for way too long, because I didn’t have time to sit down and deal with them. I need to go through them tonight” she announced and stepped away from Adam.
All he could do was watch his wife walk away and leave him to drown in his own regrets.