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He’d paid it very little mind when his suit had been surrounded by the blue-green light. He didn’t feel any effects from it, and besides, he was having entirely too much fun flying circles around the crazy witch that was trying to conquer New York.
It was only later, when Clint grassed him up in debrief, that Tony even really thought about it.
“Why didn’t you tell us you got hit?” Steve asked, his tone exasperated; which, in fairness, was his general state of being where Tony was concerned. At least it was more fond exasperation these days than the I-want-to-strangle-you exasperation of their first few months.
“I, uh. I forgot?” Tony offered, and then shrugged his shoulders. “It’s just a bunch of hocus pocus, Cap. I didn’t—and don’t—feel any different, and J did a scan and he hasn’t found anything either.”
“Uh huh.” Steve looked doubtful, which, rude. “Let me know if you feel anything… out of sorts.”
Tony opened his mouth and then shook his head. “Nah, too easy.”
…
“You’ve been coughing a lot this week,” Bruce commented, a few days later. “Are you coming down with something?”
“Oh, god, I hope not,” Tony muttered, wrapping both hands around the large mug he’d just filled with coffee. “There’s a… sharp itch in the back of my throat though, so probably. I do not have the time to be sick right now, Brucie.”
“Pretty sure that illness doesn’t take your schedule into account,” Bruce replied, smiling. “Keep an eye on that sharp itch though, okay. It doesn’t sound great.”
“I’m sure it’s nothing.”
And he was sure. Aside from his throat he felt fine. There was no fever, no headache, no sickness… he was fine.
Perfectly fine.
…
Until he coughed up the first flower petals.
…
“I knew we should have had you seen,” Steve said, running a hand through his blond hair. “And the witch is long gone, so we can’t even try and get any answers out of her about what she did to you!”
“Chill, Steve,” Tony said, curling up on the sofa. “Stephen is on his way, he’ll be able to figure out what’s going on.”
“Thank you for the vote of confidence,” Stephen said, stepping through a portal.
Tony grinned up at him. “Hey, Dumbledore, thanks for coming.”
“You said that you were coughing up flower petals?”
Tony nodded. “Purple-y ones, if that makes any kind of a difference.”
Stephen snorted and then closed his eyes. Tony waited patiently—well, patiently for him, which meant he was tapping a pattern on his leg with his fingers, and huffing every few seconds—for the diagnosis. He wasn’t expecting Stephen to look quite so sombre when he opened his eyes.
“I feel it’s only right that I ask if you would prefer privacy for this conversation, Tony,” Stephen offered, quietly, glancing at Steve. “It’s… definitely a personal conversation.”
Tony frowned, noticing that Steve had done the same, though the latter was already opening his mouth to object.
“It’s fine, I guess. He’ll only make me tell him what’s going on later anyway.”
Stephen grimaced but nodded. Everyone knew Steve was nothing but tenacious when he wanted to know something.
“What you’ve been cursed with is known as Hanahaki Disease,” Stephen explained. “It’s caused by unrequited love. The witch that did this, she tied it to a love that you feel for someone, and it will continue to grow, Tony. The only cure would be for the person you love to love you back.”
Tony paled. “I didn’t need a reason to drink tonight, but it’s nice to know I’ve got one. Is there… what happens if—”
“You die,” Stephen said, apologetically. “Have you… does the person know that you’re in love with them?”
Tony shook his head. “No, and they’re not going to, either.”
“But Tony—”
“I said, they’re not going to,” Tony said, cutting Steve off sharply. “I… am going to my workshop. Thank you for coming out, Stephen. If you… run across anything that will help…”
“You’ll be the first to know,” Stephen promised. “And Tony? I’d recommend you tell whoever it is. It’s worth taking a chance, when your life is at stake.”
“Yeah… sure. I… I have to—”
He walked out of the room, ignoring Steve calling his name.
This was far too much to deal with sober.
…
“Tones?”
Tony blinked up through bleary eyes at Rhodey. “What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice slurring horribly.
“Steve called.”
“Of course he did. You’re a bunch of fucking gossips.”
“Tones… he was right to tell me. Are you gonna tell me who you’re in love with?”
“Nuh uh.”
“You’re gonna let yourself die on the off chance that you might be rejected? Really? Doesn’t sound like you,” Rhodey said, lowering himself to the floor of the workshop so that he could sit facing Tony, who was leaning back, slumped against the wall.
“You don’t get it,” Tony growled. “None of you get it.”
“Why don’t you explain it to me then?”
“I won’t let him feel guilty for this,” Tony whispered. “He will, Rhodey. He’ll feel so guilty that he couldn’t save me, and I won’t put it on his shoulders. I can’t do that to him, I can’t.”
A single tear slipped down his cheek, and Rhodey leant over and tugged him into his arms, overbalancing them until Tony was practically sitting in his lap, leaning against his chest.
“I just wanted to be loved,” Tony whispered, voice breaking on the last word. “But I can’t tell him now. I can’t.”
“Shh,” Rhodey murmured, rocking his best friend in his arms slightly as he comforted him. “Shh, Tones. Calm down. We’ll fix it.”
“Can’t. No fix for this, Rhodey. M’gonna die, and I can’t do anything to stop it.”
…
Tony hid for a solid week after Rhodey left. His best friend had offered to stick around, but there really wasn’t anything he could do, and the Air Force needed him more, so Tony had sent him off with a promise that Tony wouldn’t drink himself into any more disasters.
Given the disaster his life was, he didn’t really need to drink anyway. That didn’t mean that he didn’t want to.
Instead he focused on the business he was leaving behind, the Avengers gear, and on hiding from his friends.
He knew that they were worried about him, and he knew that when they inevitably tried to talk him into confessing his love, it would be in the hope that it would be returned, but it didn’t mean that Tony was looking forward to it.
Eventually, he knew that he had to show his face.
Natasha and Steve were bugging JARVIS constantly, and they were getting more and more creative in their threats of how they were going to invade the workshop if he didn’t come out.
Steve was sitting in the kitchen when Tony walked in, and he brightened immediately.
“You’re okay!”
“I’m fine,” Tony agreed, ignoring the itch in his throat that said that he was about to cough. “Did you think that I was already mortally wounded on the workshop floor or something?”
“Don’t say that. Definitely don’t joke about that,” Steve murmured, wounded.
Tony sighed. “Sorry. Really, I’m okay, Steve. Try not to worry, okay? We might find a way to fix it, yet.”
“But there is a way to maybe fix it,” Steve implored. “You could just… take a chance?”
Shaking his head, Tony replied, “I’m not going to go that, Steve. If… if he doesn't feel the same way I feel, then he’ll feel guilty that he couldn’t fix me. I won’t put that on anyone’s shoulders.”
“He?”
Tony nodded.
“What about… Pepper?”
“Do you really expect me to only look at half of the people in the world, Steve? I’m the consummate consumer.”
Steve blinked. “So… it’s not Pepper, then? We… wondered. I thought things were good between the two of you?”
“Things were good for a while… yeah… it just. Didn’t work, I guess. We wanted different things, and honestly, Pepper couldn’t handle waiting for me to come home from missions. I don’t blame her for that, I don’t think that I’d have been able to handle it if it was the other way around, but… yeah. Major incompatibility.”
“Is it one of the team?” Steve pressed.
“I’m not going to tell you who it is, Steve,” Tony said, his lips tilting up slightly. “Just… please leave it alone.”
“You know I can’t do that.”
“I think you’re going to have to.”
…
“There is a similar disease on Asgard,” Thor said, later that night. He’d returned sometime in the afternoon, after Tony had escaped back to the workshop, and had been filled in by Steve. “Though, there is a way to get rid of it also. The growth can be removed surgically.”
“Is that possible for you, Tony?”
Tony shrugged. “I’m not sure. I’ll email Helen Cho about it later tonight and see what she thinks about it.”
“Upon doing so, it removes the feelings for the person also,” Thor added. “At least for us, it does. I cannot speak to Midgardian medicine, of course. Many do not believe that the surgery is worth it.”
Steve frowned. “But if it can save his life—”
“Thor’s not wrong though,” Tony said, looking down at his hands. “I’m not sure that would be worth it. I don’t… I might not intend to tell him, but I still… I’ve loved him for a long time. I don’t think I’d want that to just… disappear.”
Thor nodded sagely. “Tell though, Man of Iron. Why do you hide your love?”
“I’m sure that Steve’s already explained why he thinks I’m being ‘stubborn’,” Tony said, smiling at Thor. “I wouldn’t want to leave anyone feeling guilty, simply because they don’t feel the same way I do. It wouldn’t be fair.”
Thor stared at him for a long moment. “But who could not love you?”
“Ah, you’d be surprised, Thor. Or maybe not. There are plenty of people in the world that would love to see me dead, I’m sure.”
Thor looked downcast and Tony reached over to pat his shoulder. “Thanks for the vote of confidence though, Pal. Means a lot.”
…
“I don’t even know where to start,” Steve admitted. “Tony’s love life has been rather… prolific?”
Tony snorted as he walked into the room. “Please tell me that you’re not trying to make a list of the people I’ve slept with in the past in the hopes of finding my true love, Cap.”
Steve had the decency to look sheepish, though Clint just chuckled, and Natasha just looked at him.
“We wouldn’t have to if you’d be reasonable,” she said, raising her eyebrows at him.
“I am being reasonable,” Tony replied, making a beeline for the coffee maker. “And I wish that you’d all just drop it. It’s getting tiresome to keep talking about something that I’m really not interested in discussing.”
“This isn’t some stupid little problem, Tony!” Steve snapped. “You’re going to die!”
Tony nodded. “Right. And that’s for me to deal with! None of us are immortal, Cap, we’re all going to die someday. Well. Except maybe Thor or Brucie. I don’t know how that works.”
“None of us are just going to sit back and let you kill yourself,” Steve said, shaking his head. “I can’t believe that you think we would.”
“Think is a strong word. I think you mean ‘hope’.”
“Tony!”
Tony turned to see Pepper walking through the kitchen door. She looked pale, and because he knew her so well, he could see the remnants of tears beneath her eyes, despite her makeup.
“Pep?” he asked, immediately concerned. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re dying, again, and you didn’t tell me, again!”
He could practically feel the anger and fear radiating from her, and all he could think was, oops. He’d meant to tell her, but then… nah, he definitely hadn’t. He hadn’t wanted her stressed out and worried about him, she’d had way too much of that already.
“Who told you?”
“Rhodey,” Pepper replied. “He asked how you were ‘holding up’, and when I didn’t understand why he sounded so goddamn worried about you, I made him tell me what was going on. Why wouldn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t want to worry you!”
“Rhodey told me the problem, you know? You could fix this, Tony. You don’t have to… you don’t have to die!”
“Pep—”
“Tony, please. Please, don’t do this!”
“I can’t, Pep.”
He reached for her, and she let him tug her into his arms. Gripping him tightly, she hugged him back, and for a moment, it was like it was only the two of them in the room.
When she pulled back, she looked apologetic and fierce. “If you don’t tell him, I’m sorry, Tony, but I will.”
“Pep—”
“I won’t let you die,” she whispered. “Not when I can stop it.”
She left the room, leaving Tony in the middle of the kitchen, watching after her, his heart beating rapidly in his chest.
“Pepper knows?” Natasha asked, frowning.
“Of course Pepper knows,” Tony muttered faintly, dropping into a seat at the table. “Pepper knows everything about me. Never thought that it would bite me in the ass quite like this, though.”
…
“Tony?”
Tony looked up from his tablet to see Thor standing in the doorway of the living room. It was the middle of the night, but Tony had been unable to sleep. He was even more exhausted than usual, but he managed a small smile for the God of Thunder.
“Hey, Thor. What are you doing awake?”
“I found myself unable to sleep,” Thor replied, stepping into the room. “JARVIS informed me that you were awake and in here, so I thought to offer some company.”
“Sure,” Tony said, nodding his head to the sofa. “Come and sit. You wanna watch a movie?”
“Perhaps one of those delightful animated creations?” Thor suggested, as he sat on the sofa.
The team had been introducing Thor to Disney, as well as catching Steve up on the ones he’d missed, and Thor had taken a liking to them immediately.
“Sure. I… J? Brave?”
The TV flickered on immediately, and the title screen for Brave appeared. Tony tried to concentrate on his work, but the movie caught his attention almost immediately, and he gave up, dropping his tablet onto the table.
Thor was warm beside him, and Tony could feel his eyelids drooping, taking longer and longer to open his eyes after every blink.
A hand on his thigh startled him, and he looked up to see Thor watching him fondly. “I thought perhaps that you might be more comfortable if you lay down.”
Thor patted his leg to emphasise his point, and hesitantly, Tony lay down with this head in Thor’s lap, stretching his legs out along the sofa. He knew that he was going to fall asleep in minutes, and he knew that he should probably just go to bed instead, but… the thought of climbing into his cold, lonely bed wasn’t exactly enticing.
Thor brushed a gentle hand through Tony’s hair. “You’re so small,” he muttered, chuckling when Tony shifted to glare up at him. “Only in stature, my friend. Your personality is larger than that of the tallest man.”
“Uh huh,” Tony replied, unimpressed.
Thor smiled down at him and then turned his attention back to the movie. Tony did the same. Perhaps, with Thor there, he’d be able to dream about something other than the darkness, and falling in space. With Thor ready with the power of lightning to protect Tony, maybe he’d be able to feel safe.
Even if it was only for a little while.
…
The sunset was stunning. Tony sat atop the tower in his suit, the sunlight bouncing off the gold on his suit.
The Hanahaki was getting worse, and Tony felt like he was almost constantly holding a handkerchief to his mouth to catch the flowers that spewed out with every cough. It hadn’t been so bad at first.
Just the odd petal. Now, there were blood-laced bunches of petals forcing their way through his throat, and it wasn’t comfortable. It felt like there were sharp edges on all of them, cutting into the tender inside of his chest and neck on their way up.
Stephen had been to see him only that morning, and the worried expression on his face told Tony that it wasn’t good without him even having to say a word.
Pepper and Rhodey—along with the team, of course—had taken to watching him constantly with worried eyes, and they all winced along with him every time he coughed, as though they thought each one would be his last.
He didn’t blame them, of course, but it really wasn’t helping to make him feel better.
Helen hadn’t been able to give him anything concrete on the surgical front either, though to be fair, Tony had meant what he’d said. Having his feelings, his love, removed really wasn’t all that interesting of an option for him anyway.
He’d never really believed in true love, but he couldn’t help but think that he’d found it, even if it was only one sided. The love he felt…
It was so pure. Untainted, and unselfish, and he couldn’t bring himself to spoil that.
Not even if it would save his life.
“Tony?”
Tony blinked and turned his head to see Steve standing on the balcony below him, peering up at him with a hand raised to block the sun.
“What’s up, Cap?”
“We’re going to eat, I thought I’d see if you were coming to join us?”
Tony nodded. “I… yeah. I’ll be inside in a few minutes. Thank’s, Steve.”
Steve nodded and went back inside, and Tony looked back out at the sunset. It was important, he thought, to enjoy the little things. He just wished that he’d realised that earlier.
…
Thor was hidden behind the largest bouquet of flowers Tony thought he’d ever seen. Tony peered around the vase to look at him.
“Um. What’s this for?”
“It is an offering for you,” Thor replied. “As I ask for your permission to court you.”
Tony blinked. “What?”
Thor put the vase down carefully on a side table in the workshop and turned back to Tony. “I wish to court you. I do not know the customs of earth, but on Asgard, one must make an offering upon the initial request.”
Tony couldn’t work out the riddle Thor’s words were offering.
“Why on earth would you want to court me?” he asked. “That makes no sense.”
“I believe I already expressed to you, Tony, that I do not understand how anyone could not love you. You are everything I admire in a person. Why would I not want to court you?”
“But… but… what about the Hanahaki, and the—” Tony was cut off by a cough, and he scrambled for a handkerchief to raise to his lips to catch the petals. When he was done, he showed the bloody petals to Thor. “What about that?”
Thor looked at him for a long moment. “Would you allow me one kiss?”
“I. Uh.”
“Just one kiss, Tony,” Thor asked again. “And if you desire no more to do with me, then I shall leave you alone with naught but our friendship.”
“Um. Okay?”
Thor stepped closer slowly, and he reached out to cup Tony’s cheek with a gentle hand. He guided Tony closer and then bent to press their lips together. Tony felt like his brain was melting, and when Thor teased at his lips with his tongue, he opened up to allow the god entrance.
When Tony needed to breathe, Thor pulled away, smiling down at him.
“What… what have you done to me?” Tony asked, feeling his throat with cautious prods of his fingers. It felt… fine.
No itch, no pain. No… anything.
“I love you, Tony,” Thor said, simply. “The hanahaki is cured by the returned love of the cause.”
“You… you… how did you—”
“Miss Potts informed me of your feelings. It is not a secret amongst others the regard I hold you in. You have simply been, as Natasha said, oblivious to it. I didn’t dare hope to believe that I was the cause of your illness, but when Miss Potts… I had to try, Tony.”
“You… I didn’t know.”
Thor’s eyes crinkled. “I am aware of that.”
“You love me?”
“Very much.”
Tony nodded slowly. “I, uh. I’ll be right back.”
“Where are you going?”
“To tell Pepper off, and then to hug her very tightly and say thank you.”
Laughing, Thor hugged him. “Perhaps, just this one, you can leave off with the reprimand?”
Tony must have looked unconvinced, because Thor added,” I do not believe she would have told me, had she not been aware that your love was already very much reciprocated. It may not have seemed as such, but everyone did understand why you wished to keep your love a secret.”
Tony sighed, but nodded his head. “Kay. But like… I’m gonna go hug her, okay?”
“And then… you will allow my courtship?”
“You know that you don’t have to do that, right? I already um. It’s… I’m a sure thing?”
Thor chuckled again. “I would like to court you. You deserve nothing less, Tony.”
…
“Okay, why are you looking at me like that?” Tony demanded, glaring at Steve. “It’s creepy.”
Steve snorted. “I’m just… really glad that you’re still here. Also, you look adorable curled up on Thor’s lap like that, and I never realised just how small you actually are.”
Tony threw a pillow at him.
All was well.