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Dear Mike,
It’s been a week since we moved, and most of our stuff is still packed up in boxes. There’s a bit of work to do in the house, the government (or whoever it is, Dr Owens I suppose??) fixed us up in a place that’s pretty nice. We’ve all got our own rooms and there’s a big living room, still only one phone though, and most of the rooms need re-painting. The old owners had everything painted a horrible shade of brown, so I'm re-doing mine in yellow. It makes everything smell of paint and it gets everywhere but the whole house is like that right now anyways, that’s why we haven’t fully unpacked. It’s odd being in a new house, I’ve only ever lived in one place my whole life and now it just belongs to someone else. I guess it’s the same about Hawkins in geneal, it’s going to be hard to get used to not knowing everyone and everything, and not having you guys around of course.
I’m trying to be optimistic, me and Jon both are, mostly for Mom and El’s sake. It makes Mom happier when we’re getting on okay and El needs all the happiness she can get right now (she’s defiantly been writing to you as well, in fact I think she treats you like some sort of diary especially because she can’t use the phone).
I was trying to think of a list of things that are good about Cali, to you know, make myself feel better:
- It’s sunny/warm but I think that’ll get old by the time it gets to winter and there’s no snow at Christmas, maybe we can come and visit for the holidays the town seems pretty fun,
- there’s a big arcade with a whole roller rink inside and I think there’s a book/record store as well
- Mom says the town is more 'accepting’ so I guess if I did find a DnD group I wouldn’t be called a freak and a satanist (seriously, have you seen those people on the news you’d think we were doing blood sacrifices I swear it’s getting worse as well). Don’t worry though, I’m not going to break my promise and join another party, I wouldn’t want to play with a different group of people.
- And no one here is going to call me zombie boy!
But still, however much I want to see it as a fresh start, I know that I’m going to end up missing Hawkins, despite everything. Good luck with starting high school! At least you’re more prepared than me and El!
Love
From
Will
Dear Will,
Dear El,
I hope you’re doing okay. Your last letter was like reading a novel (in a good way, I miss talking to you) and I’m trying to write back just as much as you write to me but you just have so much to say. I think I’ll get the sad things over with first.
My stepdad has officially left, to be honest he wasn’t even around for that long but I got used to having him there. It’s more for the money than him personally, my Mom has to get a shitty job to keep us afloat and we’ve had to move into the trailer park (you might have never been here, it’s fine I can describe it in one word: shit) and she’s pretty much turned to drinking to get over him not being here. I don’t even think she misses Billy, like at all, it’s defiantly because my stepdad left.
I wish you were here. Or that I was with you, I wish I was with you. I know it’s different, Billy and your Dad, because he wasn’t possessed and evil or just horrible regularly like Billy but at least you wouldn’t look at me like they do.
It’s all so confusing.
Lucas is trying, but he doesn’t know what to say. We went out to the arcade together the other day though, that was nice. He won me this cheesy stuffed dog in a claw machine, it was pretty embarrassing to have to stand next to him while he tried to get it because he sucked pretty hard at the game but he got it eventually. It was pretty cute, to be honest, and the dogs not that ugly.
Sorry, I don’t want to make you jealous because you don’t have Mike around anymore. You must really like him (for some reason, seriously it’s Mike Wheeler you could do so much better) to agree to date him long distance because like I’m so sure you could date someone else but like there’s no way he could, like girls do not like Mike Wheeler. Some people get worried that their boyfriends are going to cheat on them when they go long distance but I’m warning you before you even start that there’s no way in hell Mike is going to do that, he won’t even look at girls let alone speak to them.
Plus I would beat the shit out of him, and then make Lucas do it. And he knows that.
We just started school last week, I guess it’s okay, the lessons are kind of the same and the people are the same as they were in middle school. I think the boys have found some like king nerd to hang around with and play dnd or whatever stuff they do, we’d be having a lot more fun.
I heard the new Madonna song on the radio in art class yesterday, I think you’d like it. You should try listening to some of her music.
Love, Max
Dear Mike,
I have started at my new school, it is very nice. It is a lot bigger than when I was in your school in Hawkins, the corridors are very long and there are lots and lots of people. I think I’m getting on quite well with the other people there, all the girls are very nice and wear fun outfits. I think the teachers like me as well.
Joyce drove us to school on our first day but Jonathan has made friends with a boy who takes us in his car now because he goes this way to get there, so we do not have to walk Joyce has started her new job, it has something to do with books, I think. She is busy a lot but she still has time to eat with us in evenings and watch TV, she likes to watch my shows with me but Will says they’re to ‘lovey dovey and fake’ and goes to his room.
How is it in Hawkins? It must be still warm there, like it is in California but it will get cold there and not here.
I miss you a lot, when I’m at school I keep being reminded that you are not here and it makes me miss you even more.
Wish you were here (Jonathan says that’s what you say at the end of letters if you miss someone, I think he’s writing to Nancy).
Love you, El xxx
Dear Will,
I’ve been trying to write to you for days.
I don’t know how to phrase what I want to say.
I miss you.
I miss you every day, I tried to ride up the road to your house the other day and I got halfway there before I remembered you weren’t at the end. I’m at school and I just think that you should be here as well. I don’t really know what to do.
There’s something I should tell El and I don’t know how to do it or what to say. I just...
FUCK
Dear Will,
How’s it been going in Cali?
I’m beginning to think that I should have taught you how to make a radio like Cerebro and you could have been radioing us. But that would mean we would have to hike up a hill to talk to you, you’d have to have all the pieces as well so I guess it’s not such a good idea after all..
I’ve ended up hanging out at the family video store a bunch because that’s where Steve and Robin work, they let me have free movies (well I don’t think they know that but…). You didn’t really meet Robin, but you’d get on with her if you did, she’s cool. I don’t know why Steve won’t ask her out, she’s way better than any of the girls he dates. Like she’s actually intelligent (no way near as smart as Suzie obviously but she did crack a Russian code).
Anyway, we’ve found a new dnd group to join! It’s run by this guy called Eddie, he’s a proper nerd, you’d like him. He’s got like long hair and he plays guitar (Mike really likes him as well, I think he’ll end up growing his hair out to copy him or something) but more importantly he’s a really good DM and he runs this club called ‘Hellfire’. We even have t-shirts! You should come play with us when you visit, he would defiantly like you. People think he’s weird and a bit shady but he’s a good guy really, he stops us getting bullied at least.
Oh yeah, that has not changed (apart from there’s no you and there is Eddie) it’s the normal stuff really, they call Mike bad stuff a lot, I don’t know. That’s not a very fun thing to talk about though, I thought I’d tell you about the first campaign we did we hellfire…
Dear Will,
Dear Max,
School is a lot.
Last time I wrote to you I had only been there for a few weeks, It has been more now and it’s getting more stressful. The work is very hard for me to do, I feel like everybody knows things I didn’t even think existed. Will tries to help, but he is not a very good teacher. And when people say things to me he stands there with sad eyes and then takes me for ice cream. I do like the ice cream, though.
I miss you.
Me and Joyce have been watching TV together in the evenings, I like having her here. I think it’s what it would have been like if Mama..
There are better things to talk to you about though, Joyce says she has decided with Mike’s Mom that we are going to come and stay in Hawkins this Christmas. I think we should all watch Christmas movies and make cookies and hot chocolate and maybe sing songs together.
I have finally got a Madonna album, Joyce says we have more ‘disposable income’ now and she bought it for me. I have a radio in my room but I have to go to Will’s to play the album, he let’s me whenever I want but I can tell that he does not like the songs. He is being very nice to let me play them then.
I have been writing to Mike as well, of course, but I think it’s easier to write to you. It’s easier to talk to you than it is to talk to him.
This letter is not very long, I am sorry and I will write more next week but I have to go now as we are all going out for dinner for tea, ‘just for fun’.
Love, El <3
Dear Will,
There’s something wrong with me.
I think there always has been.
I miss you the way I should miss El, I think about you the way I should think about her.
I want I don’t want you to hate me, I don’t think I could live if you hated me. I just don’t know what to do.
I thought that even though I can’t actually write to you, nothing I can say apart from the truth could tell you how much I miss you, I can pretend to.
I miss you.
I miss playing dnd with you, Eddie’s cool (really cool) but nothing is like playing dnd with you and seeing how happy it makes you and your face when you figure something out. I always wrote my campaigns specifically to make you exited, it feels the most important. I miss seeing you at school, no one else is like you and no one else is as funny as you either, it feels like I should turn around and you’ll be there.
It’s only been three months. I don’t know what I’m going to do for the rest of my life without you. I don’t know what to do.
Love, Mike
Dear El,
It sounds like you’re getting on really well in Cali, I’m glad you’ve got some new friends and settled down really well. Hanging out at the shops in your town sounds really cool, I bet they’re loads more fun than the ones in Hawkins. It’s gone back to being super boring now that the mall has ‘burnt down’.
We have found a new dnd group to join though, so that’s really cool. We do like these really complex campaigns that take weeks and it’s really fun.
Schools not going so bad, I have a physics test next week (save me!) so I have to study. You’d think that it would be my Mom forcing me to study for tests, but no, it’s Dustin. He said we were going to hang out at family video the other day and I thought it would be to, I don’t know, force Steve and Robin to play a movie we like and eat their food, but, no, he wanted them to test us on physics flashcards. They made fun of us for it as well!
I’m really exited to see you guys at Christmas, obviously I can’t tell you what your present is but I’ll tell you that I got Will a new fantasy book that I know he’ll like. Has he got you to read some of his books yet? You should read lord of the rings.
From, Mike
Dear Mike,
I’m not going to send this letter.
I don’t know what’s happened to us, why you won’t talk to me anymore, respond to my letters or call me (you know that I can’t ring people on the phone because of Mom’s job and I know you know because El told me months ago that she told you about her job in her letter). I’ve just given up.
It feels like last week we were reading comics in castle byers and you were sleeping on my floor because I was scared and now you won’t even talk to me about anything.
I just miss you. I can’t help but feel that it’s because you know. Because you can tell I’m different and weird and wrong, even though your hundreds of miles away. I suppose you figured it out in the summer. I know you did, actually, I remember what you said. It is your fault.
It’s always been your fault Mike. It’s nearly Christmas, don’t bother trying to call.
Love, Will
Dear El,
I can’t believe it’s already half way through January, it feels like yesterday when we were hanging out in Mike’s stupid basement (you need to make him clean that place I swear I saw like a crusted seven up can, who even likes that shit anyway) watching silly movies.
I didn’t have time to bring it up when I saw you but are you sure Will is okay? I know you said that he wasn’t getting bullied at your new school but I think he looked upset, maybe he just had a cold or something.
I love my present by the way, I don’t know how you knew I’d like it but Kate Bush is amazing, like seriously I love her so much. Does she do concerts? We should go together one day.
It’s getting worse again. It was good when I saw you, and we were all hanging out (even if Mike and Will were both acting weird) but I’m just back to feeling like everything is all closing in on me all at once. I’ve started seeing this shrink at school, they noticed my grades are getting worse.
She says it’s survivors guilt. Like that Billy died and I didn’t or something. I suppose she’s right but sometimes, sometimes it’s like I’m glad he’s dead because, you know, he was a piece of shit. But that makes me a fucking awful person, like I’m as bad as he is.
I don’t know.
Miss you.
Love, Max <3
Dear Will,
I still can’t stop thinking about you.
I dreamed about you last night. I wanted to
Do you remember that time when we were kids? It was just after your Dad left, the same week I think, and our Moms let me stay over. Jonathan helped us make a massive blanket fort in your living room with all the blankets in your house, it must have been that thing was so big. And we crawled around in it and made this big space in the middle and we sat there for hours and fell asleep there. Your Mom must have come home from work and been horrified by the mess we’d made of her living room, but she didn’t care and she made us hot chocolate and I’m still surprised we didn’t spill it.
What I’m trying to say is, you said something to me then. You were just a kid, I can picture it (you were such a cute kid that it almost hurts to remember). And you said, “I’m never lonely when you’re with me.”
And in a way, that didn’t make sense, because how can you be alone when you’re with someone else, but I understand what you mean. I understand more than I did then.
Because I feel so fucking lonely, Will. I’m sitting at lunch surrounded by people and still feel alone because you’re not here. And I miss you because I love you, and I miss you because you’re my best friend and you’re the only one who really understands me.
I just think it would be okay if I could see you, that somehow everything would magically be okay.
You make things magically okay.
Love, Mike xx
Dear Lucas,
I can’t believe you’re on the official basketball team now, that’s so cool! Congratulations! I wish I was there so I can come and see you play, it’s so annoying that I have to miss all your matches. Maybe we’ll come over at some point and one will be on? El would defiantly want to see you play as well.
I haven’t joined any basketball teams (I know, big surprise) but I did join an art club! It’s pretty cool, we’re allowed to use all the art stuff and that’s actually fun if you’re into art. I’ve really gotten into drawing dragons lately, they’re pretty difficult but it’s so fun to get the texture right on the scales and stuff, I’ll draw a little one on the corner for you (look he’s playing basketball).
Jonathan is like a full on stoner now, by the way, he made this friend called Argyle way back when we moved here and he’s just like full on gotten him into weed. They sit in this guys fucking pizza van and smoke weed all weekend. It must have rotted his brain because he does it in the house and thinks the smell goes out when he opens the window. He’s really lucky that Mom’s bedroom is on the bottom floor.
I’m less lucky because I had to explain to El what weed was.
Dustin says your dnd playing is going well, he sends detailed reports of what you guys are up to, it’s almost like I’m doing the campaign myself. I’m surprised Mike gives up his control of the game so quickly, he was always very passionate about it.
How’s Erica getting on with my old dnd stuff, by the way? I bet she’s really good at the game.
From, Will
Dear El,
I know we don’t write much. But there’s something wrong with Max.
She’s been distant all year but it’s worse now, so much worse. I don’t want to make this all about me, or say there’s something wrong with her because of this but she broke up with me this week. And I know, I know that’s up to her and I’d feel better about it (not good, obviously, I love her) if she had you around to talk to.
But she doesn’t have anyone.
She just wanders around the corridors with her headphones on like a ghost and I don’t know how to help her, or what to say that doesn’t seem to make things worse. I know she writes to you, so I’m guessing she’s told you this stuff, but I just wanted to make sure you know that somethings wrong with her right now.
It feels like there’s something wrong with everyone, Mike’s acting super odd right now as well. I thought he was hanging out with Dustin after school while I’m at practice but I was in family video the other day (have you seen fast times? It’s really good) and Steve said he hasn’t seen him in months. Crap, I didn’t want you to worry more. To be honest, he’s probably moping around because you’re not here and writing letters to you in his room. He did always prefer hanging out with Will anyway (thought we wouldn’t notice as well).
At least Dustin’s the same.
Okay, hopefully you can get through to Max if I can’t.
Wish you were here, Lucas
Dear Will,
I’m coming to visit in spring break. I can’t wait to see you again, even if I know it’ll just hurt even more.
I don’t know what to do about El. I don’t love her like I should, it’s like I love her like I should love you and I love you like I should love her. (That’s a lot of times to write the word ‘love’)!
I want to break up with her, but then I guess I don’t have anything to fall back on. That’s so bad. She deserves better, so much better. I wish she’d break up with me. Get it all over with.
Fuck this, man.
Love, Mike
Dear El,
It’s worse. It’s worse again.
I broke up with Lucas, I can’t stand him looking so worried and sad around me all the time. It’s probably better that I’m alone anyway. I miss him though. It hurts whenever I see him and I can’t say anything to him, but then that goes away and I’m just left, floating? Drowning?
I’ve started getting nosebleeds, and headaches. Fuck the headaches are so bad. Nothing works to stop the pain of them either.
I’m sorry I’m always writing with bad things, making you worry about me. I just don’t know who else to tell. I’m sorry.
There’s a dog in my neighbourhood, I don’t know, I feel like that’s something you’d want to know, she’s a cute dog.
Love, Max <3
Dear Max,
I wish I was there to look after you. I can not make everything better but I can make some things better. I am glad you write to me about things that are bad, it is good to talk about them. That is what best friends are for.
I don’t know how to help you, I want to. Maybe you should talk to Lucas? It might help you feel better and I know he loves you and care’s about you (like I do).
Because this is going to get to you after Mike arrives in California and I am going to fix it when he is here, I want to tell you something. It seems…stupid compared to your problems but Mike will not write ‘I love you’ in his letters. He will not even sign them ‘love mike’ and I do not understand why, other than that he doesn’t love me? He said he did and now he won’t. I have tried to make him see me in the nicest way, I do not complain to him, and still he doesn’t say it.
I miss you, I will send Mike home with lots of letters for you to read.
Love El <3
Dear Mike,
I’ve made you this painting. It’s got all our dnd characters fighting a dragon and you’re at the front with a shield that has a heart on it (because you’re the heart) I think I’m going to give it to you.
I don’t know.
I’ve convinced myself that everything is going to be okay.
I can’t wait to see you. Love, Will
Dear Will,
I don’t know why, but I put all my letters to you in this binder, seriously it looks like I wrote you a whole book, and out them in my suitcase.
I don’t fucking know why, I’m never going to show these to you because you’d never like love me back. It just felt like something I should do.
I keep being so exited to see you (both of you), and then I remember how hard it is and all I want to do is sit in your living room reading comics in a blanket fort again.
I’m going to be late for the plane.
Can’t wait to see you.
Love, Mike
Dear Mike,
Today is day 185! Feels more like 10 years!
Joyce says, time is funny like that, emotions can make it speed up or slow down. We are all time travellers if you think about it. For example, this week is going very fast, I think because I am so busy. I have to make something called a ‘visual aid’. I hope Mrs Gracey will give me an A.
Will is painting a lot, but he won’t show me what he’s working on. May it is for a girl? I think there is someone he likes, because he has been acting weird.
Jonathan is acting weird also, I think he is just nervous about collage. He is still waiting for his big letter. I hope he and Nancy get to go together. But I don’t know how he’ll ever get to collage because his car is still broken.
His funny friend Argyle has been taking us to school, his hair is longer than mine! And he and Jon like to smoke smelly plants together. He says the plants are super safe because they come from the earth, but to not tell Joyce.
Me, I am twice as happy now. You where right, it just takes time. I think I have finally adapted. At first I missed all the flowers but now I find it pretty here too. I even like school now! I am still best in math but my gammer is getting good now also.
It helps that everyone is so nice here, I have made lots of friends. Even so, I am ready for spring break, mostly because I get to see you. I am so excited to see you it is hard to breathe. Are you exited too? I think you will love it here like me. I think we will have the best spring break ever!
I hope my spelling was better this time.
Miss you!
Love, El
Dear Will,
I’m writing this in your living room (hah) and to be fair I am kind of in a blanket fort. In the sense that Murry is sleeping on the couch and I’m lying here in the dark on a futon with what I’m so sure is one of your extra winter blankets (your house is so cold, you have so many of them but this one has a blue paint stain from when you where once painting in bed at a sleepover) writing this letter with a touch.
Firstly, when I was setting up my bed Murry walked in here in just his vest and boxers (not a pleasant sight), sat down on the sofa and put his hands on his knees. Then he goes “so you’re here because you’re in love with one of the byers kids”
I said “Well El is my girlfriend.”
And the fucker started laughing, and said that I was ‘dating the wrong one then.”
He’s not lying, I just don't like the fact that he can tell.
I was an asshole to you today. I know I was. I should have talked to you, I shouldn’t have let my stupid feelings ruin our friendship. You’re right, I’m going to say sorry. I promise.
It’s that when I walked into that airport and saw you, I was just… You look different, good different, you’re taller and your voice is deeper and you… fuck, you’re really hot, okay.
And when I got to that airport there was this split second where I saw you holding that painting and I remembered that El had said you painted that for a girl and I thought that she might have got it wrong, and that it was for me. And that you like me back.
Then you didn’t give it to me and El kissed me and I fucking hated it and I didn’t even hug you and it all fucking sucks.
At least I’m near you.
Love, Mike