Chapter Text
That was it, huh? Sanemi thought as he stood up from where he sat and wandered outside of the masters meeting area, out to the well kept garden which smelt often of wisteria and other flowers that spread its pollen through the wind.
For the first time in a while, the wind pillar had no idea what to do next. Sure, he could keep sparring, keep at his work, but that won't replace everything that being a pillar stood for. Nor will it replace the pain he still felt in his heart after losing both his best friend, and his brother. Without looking back, he started walking around the garden, deep in thought about what to do, when he heard footsteps slowly walking behind him, matching his pace.
He snapped his head back and saw Giyu standing behind him, stopping in his place.
He was the last person Sanemi wanted to see and talk to right now.
“The hell do you want?” He hissed slightly, though his anger was doused significantly since the two of them overcame many of their misunderstandings leading to Sanemi's hatred for him in the first place, and the ohagi was too good to decline.
Giyu merely stood there for a few seconds, looking almost as lost as Sanemi felt, before replying softly.
“I figured you’d need company.” Giyu stated in his usual monotone voice.
Sanemi felt his eyebrows scrunch together as he turned entirely towards the other. What does that even mean? Company for what? They barely know each other!
“We are not obligated to stick together anymore, moron. We’re not pillars anymore.” He grumbled back at him, his shoulders tensing. Was Giyu truly that perceptive, to know and think about the fact that he’d just lost two people which he cared about in the same night?
Giyu blinked a few times, his expression almost unchanging, except for his pupils, which seemed much bigger than they were before.
“But, friends can stick together because they want to, I believe….” Giyu began, but upon seeing Sanemi's glare he decided to settle for something a bit more realistic at this time.
“At least, you can eat the remaining ohagi I made.” He offered, pulling out a box from his pocket.
This man was utterly ridiculous, pathetic even. Sanemi had to admit though, he was persistent, and the way he never seemed to budge nor get scared off by Sanemi's threats was a nice change.
He relented eventually, stretching out his remaining hand towards the box and taking it.
The dessert was as good as it was the first time he tried it, and without even realising, his garden stroll with Giyu turned into a long walk back to Sanemi's estate. The two barely talked on the way there, but somehow, they both felt and understood that they needed each other’s company right now. Petty rivalries be damned.
Once they got to the wind pillar estate, Sanemi led the way in and the two of them made their way inside, as the evening got colder and windier.
Giyu didn’t say anything, he simply nodded as thanks when he was allowed to sit at one of Sanemi's tables. Sanemi leaned against it, eyeing the other in suspicion. There was no way there wasn’t some underlying motive to all this.
“Now will ya tell me what your deal is?” He demanded as he crossed his arms.
Giyu tilted his head,his eyes looking confused rather than caught, something Sanemi wasn’t expecting.
“I don’t want to be alone tonight, and I don’t think you want to either. So…” He began gently, his voice somber.
Sanemi stood frozen where he was, swearing internally at what the other had said. It was undeniably true, and Sanemi hated Giyu all the more for bringing it up. Hell, there was barely anyone else around that they could even begin to talk to about this. The corps were and will remain a secret organization. Everyone's sacrifices; all the blood, tears. It won't ever be mentioned, nor will it ever be praised by the public, no, they only had one another now.
Sanemi sighed deeply and turned around to go get the bottle of sake he had stowed away in his dresser.
Giyu sat still, holding his cup and staring into the liquid like it was a wishing well. Sanemi was already on his third cup, intending to be wasted by the end of the night.
But, the silence was starting to get a bit too awkward, even for Sanemi. So he broke it.
“Your uh ...Your arm, how does it feel, to be without it, I mean..?” He asked, his voice deepening slightly.
Giyu finally looked up from his cup at the question. A question which he seemed unsure of how to answer.
“Weird…It feels like it's still there, but it isn’t” He replied, his voice remaining calm despite everything.
Sanemi took another sip of his sake, emptying another cup, he set it down quite roughly on the table, the sound breaking through whatever silent torture they had put themselves in. The former wind pillar felt the same way with his fingers, it hurt, for some strange reason, the place where they used to be hurt.
Then, he was brought out of his mind with a question.
“I can go if you wish me to.” Giyu proposed, his eyes looking up at Sanemi, trying to find his eyes. Usually, Giyu would avoid eyes like the plague, and for whatever reason, he would be perfectly fine with the insults thrown his way because of it, the comments and whispers of his “rude” nature giving him quite the reputation. But here he was, looking for eye contact.
Sanemi indulged him, this once, he was far too tired to properly care about etiquette right now anyways. Their gazes found each other quickly, and surprisingly enough it didn’t feel weird, nor tense to just sit there any longer, staring. Sanemi took a long look and study of Giyu's eyes, he noted how long his eyelashes were, and the slight bags under his eyes, Sanemi had nearly no way to discern what color Giyu’s eyes actually were, nor had he ever been bothered to ask before, but it didn’t matter, because the depth that they inhabited looked like the black void of a dark sea, or the bottom of two wells. It was melancholic, and beautiful.
Sanemi had completely forgotten that he had to respond to the question he had been asked until he heard Giyu put a hand over his mouth and cough a little, snapping him out of it.
“...I don’t care where you go, but if you intend to stick around here you better keep your mouth shut and quit your annoying nonsense…” Sanemi grumbled, his gaze still locked on the other man.
Giyu tilted his head a little, huffing slightly as the faintest hint of a smile formed on his thin lips.
“Thank you, Shinazugawa." His voice a bit more full now, his gratefulness eminent.
At this point, Sanemi couldn’t tell if he was getting properly drunk or if he was actually blushing. Though if it was the latter, he would never let himself live it down.
“Yeah yeah..” Sanemi added before he snatched the cup from Giyu’s hand and chugged it down quickly.
Giyu’s eyes widened a little before he replied.
“Seems like I might have some catching up to do.” He pointed out, as the water pillar was stone cold sober at this point.
A few drinks later, the two of them found themselves on the front porch, the alcohol in their bodies warming far more than any blanket ever would. Most of the time they spent in silence, watching the stars or the trees sway with the cold winds. Periodically they would talk a little about nothing and everything all at once. It felt like a pleasant fever dream.
“I can’t swim.” Giyu interrupted as Sanemi had just finished rambling about when he used to go swimming and fishing with Genya by the lake near their village.
Sanemi laughed at the others' words, baffled by them.
“What really?! The water pillar, can’t swim?” Sanemi blurted out between his fits of laughter.
Giyu didn’t seem to take any offense at the others' mockery, he just glanced at him.
“I didn’t have time to learn.” Giyu answered with a slight shrug. Even back with Sabito he never did learn, despite how much practice they had to do near water and in the water, it was always shallow.
“It ain’t that hard, just move your arms, or uhh, arm, about and your legs and you got it.” Sanemi spoke up once he had calmed his own laughs. Part of him did feel a bit bad about how he worded it though.
Giyu tilted his head down and looked at his hand, the silence creeping back onto them before he replied.
“Maybe…” He mumbled as he let out a small sigh, and a yawn shortly thereafter.
With the alcohol getting to him, the water pillar closed his eyes and fell back onto Sanemi's shoulder, letting his eyes close as his world spun around him.
There it was again, the unescapable warmth he had felt before, Sanemi tensed up significantly and shot a glance at the other.
He was breathing deeply, his bangs falling over his face a little, framing it nicely. It was incredibly difficult to resist letting himself sit there and just enjoy the feeling of another person's touch, a kind touch. But he couldn’t in good conscience let it keep happening, not for himself nor Giyu. So Sanemi hoisted the other over himself, having Giyu lean against him as he walked them back into the house and to the bedroom.
“You really are a lightweight huh? You had two cups and you’re already falling over-” Sanemi spoke out loud, a slight chuckle escaping him at the mention of it. He got to his bedroom, remaining unchanged since the last time he was there, and gently helped Giyu lay down on his own futon.
Giyu opened his eyes a little and sighed, slowly moving his tired body a bit to the side, so that Sanemi might have a chance of getting a comfortable night's sleep as well.
Though, Sanemi didn’t exactly see it as merely an act of kindness. No, this was a declaration of war on his mind.
He grumbled under his breath before covering his mouth and averting his eyes. All the while Giyu was trying his best to stay awake, looking sleepily at Sanemi where he lay on the futon.
Sanemi knew damn well, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to resist, it had to be the alcohol, he tried to rationalise it within his head, alcohol induced desire, it’s fleeting and neither of them will remember anything in the morning surely.
Sanemi let his head hit the mattress as he turned and looked at Giyu, who was looking back at him still, his eyes half open.
It didn’t take long before his eyes finally shut, Sanemi watching intently, not taking his eyes off the now sleeping water pillar.
His head was spinning, but Sanemi couldn’t for the life of him fall asleep, not like this, not now, when there was so much to think about. More importantly, so much to look at. Whatever this was, it wasn’t natural for either of them, it wasn’t something Sanemi was used to. He cursed the very thought of affection being given to him shortly after Kanae died, there was no point in trying to seek it out when it was only going to bring him and others pain in the end. But even he had to admit defeat eventually, if only just in his head. He knew that he was beyond lonely, now he didn’t even have anyone he could protect any longer, he didn’t have anything left to fight for, except…
Giyu breathed calmly, his chest rising and falling as he slept facing Sanemi, his unkept hair falling over his cheek with the force of gravity.
Sanemi couldn’t help but notice how much he looked like the shadow of other people. His raven hair made him picture Kanae in his mind, her face a mere blur of black and white in his mind. He wasn’t there to help her, nor was he there when his brother needed him most… What kind of a pillar was he exactly? Not a very good one by all means.
But maybe, just maybe, this sad, pretty excuse for a man sleeping in front of him might help give him an answer to what he was to do now.
It was nearly sunrise before Sanemi could feel the exhaustion creeping upon him quicker and quicker, until sleep took him entirely.
Sanemi had quite a restless sleep that night, flitting between dreams and nightmares of falling in that castle, of seeing Kanae standing so close yet so far away. He saw Genya wither away in the light of the sun in front of him, while he was powerless to move, to do anything about it.
Sanemi's eyes shot open. It was dawn, it seemed he had only managed to sleep for an hour or two before the dreams had hit him, he caught his breath, and once his vision was back properly he finally noticed that something felt off. He felt something, someone, draped over him.
Sanemi immediately let go of Giyu's sleeves, only now realising he must’ve clutched onto him in his sleep. He sat up, and let the frustration overtake him, this wasn’t supposed to be happening, why was this happening?
As he pondered, he heard a voice from below.
“Are you alright?” Giyu mumbled groggily, his eyes open, he had propped himself up on his arm.
Sanemi shot a glare at him, his body tensing rapidly.
“‘M fine, how long have you been up?” He demanded.
“Around twenty minutes, I didn’t want to disturb you.” Giyu replied as he sat up as well.
That was twenty minutes too long for Sanemi's comfort, he turned quickly and grabbed Giyu by the collar.
“Why didn’t you wake me huh?! Why’d you lay there staring at me, like some creep! Don’t you dare try to mock me after I let you stay at my house you asshole!” Sanemi yelled fiercely, raising a closed fist.
Sanemi felt nauseous, being seen like that by the likes of him. It was either that, or the hangover. There weren’t any words to begin to describe the shame Sanemi felt for being caught like that, for showing any ounce of weakness.
He was about to deliver a blow, but then he heard Giyu’s voice again.
“I have a lot of bad dreams too, when I do manage to sleep, or when I pass out from overexertion.” Giyu stated softly.
Sanemi huffed, was this guy actually serious? How could he be so calm, how could he just sit there and act like things are fine!? Was he just really good at pretending or is this some sort of sick game to him-
Sanemi gripped him tighter, his anger reaching its boiling point. He saw those pools of black in Giyu’s eyes, they were calm, serene. He felt like a caged animal, defending a territory it didn’t have any longer. He was free from it all, yet he still paced in the same tracks within that cage, never ending, never daring to step out into the unfamiliar life he never got to live.
He sighed shakily and let go of the other entirely, and, for once, Giyu looked a bit relieved, nodding to him in a grateful manner.
Sanemi didn’t reply, he just turned away from him and laid back down on the futon, crossing his arms.
A few magpies could be heard chirping outside in the early morning sun, the cold seeping into the room as the two of them had both forgotten to close the terrace door. A small gleam of orange morning light shone through the opening, leaving a stream of vibrancy across the entire room. The smell of petrichor was eminent after it had rained a little during the night.
He was beyond tense at this point, voices and people invading his head as soon as he tried to think of anything else. Images of their corpses vivid and never ending. Sanemi shut his eyes tight and tried in vain to get out of the loop he had found himself in now.
In the midst of the fog that clouded his mind, he felt a presence, a gentle touch to his shoulder. A simple gesture that made him feel like he was anchored. In an instant, he was pulled out of the muddled mess he was in, and came back to the present.
The present, which he now shared with Giyu. Giyu, who had reached out and placed his hand on his shoulder, sat above him.
The silent tears hit the mattress before the wind pillar even knew they had appeared.
Giyu’s hand moved slowly to Sanemi's hair, stroking slowly. The feeling reminded Sanemi of his mothers touch… Gentle and kind as it was, it left a bitter taste in his mouth at the end of the day, because of what he did to her.
But it did help, Sanemi slowed his breathing and eventually relaxed, the stream of tears stopping eventually.
He wondered then, if Giyu had noticed his outbreak of crying just then, he subtly wiped his eyes off with his sleeve as he lay facing away from him.
“Why are you still here…?” Sanemi finally brought himself to ask silently when his voice sounded less strained from weeping.
After a short pause the water pillar replied.
“Why shouldn’t I be?” Giyu asked, seeming genuinely confused.
Sanemi wanted to laugh, and cry, all at once at the genuine question.
“You’re crazy. You’re actually crazy if you want to remain here after what I almost did to you now, after what I have done to you.” Sanemi mumbled.
Giyu let his hand remain in Sanemi's white locks as he tilted his head.
“I probably shouldn't, I'll admit that, but you’re one of the only people I have.” Giyu disclosed gently, he knew that maybe he ought to spend more time with the Kamados at this point. See Tanjiro more, but he just couldn’t bring himself to, he didn’t want to rain on his parade now that he and Kanao had tied the knot.
He couldn’t help but feel a sense of guilt every time he saw him, a guilt that he couldn’t quite place.
Sanemi huffed and turned around, realising his head was resting upon the other's lap, he gazed up at those dark eyes, suddenly feeling conflicted on what to do.
“If you stay, you’ll owe me.” Sanemi grumbled as he gazed up at the other.
Giyu smiled ever so slightly.
“What do I owe you?” He asked back, leaning downwards.
Sanemi could feel that heat, that oh so familiar heat that he had felt last night when he was too drunk to care about what it could mean.
“You…owe me ohagi, and you better not be annoying, and you also have to help me with chores.” He listed his terms, a small smile of his own appearing as much as he didn’t want it to.
Giyu smiled wider and nodded.
Sanemi could’ve sworn he saw stars at that very moment.
“Deal.” The water pillar agreed softly.