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Mike Wheeler had never been one to express his emotions well. He supposed it came from the fact that his parents weren’t exactly affectionate with eachother or with their three children. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he actually spoke to his dad when not sitting at the dinner table, while his dad was criticizing the length of Mikes hair, Mikes clothes or Mikes hobbies. Or lack thereof.
He knew Nancy understood the annoyance Mike had with their father. It was obvious just by the crease that formed between her eyebrows whenever the topic of Jonathan Byers was raised.
It wasn’t like Ted Wheeler disliked the Byers, they just didn’t fit into the supposedly picture perfect Wheeler family. And sure, Mike knew he was lucky to be a part of said family, they had status and made enough money, and although his dad didn’t pay much attention to his two oldest children, he was no Lonnie Byers. He should feel grateful for that, he supposed.
Nancy had brought up politics quite a few times at the dinner table, and Ted never said anything to make Mike think he was unsafe if his secret somehow came out. Well, to be honest Ted really never said much about anything. He would have to hide it, sure, but he thought that was much better than being homeless.
The same way that Ted Wheeler was no Lonnie Byers, Karen Wheeler sure as hell was no Joyce Byers. Joyce probably expressed more emotions in a day than Karen had in her whole life. Sometimes Mike would notice glimpses of emotion in his mothers eyes and on rare occasions, meaning when things went to shit and his mother somehow realized something was going on with her children, she would express her emotions.
Still, he could count the amount of times he hugged his own mother in the past few years on one hand. So yeah, he wasn’t exactly the most emotionally expressive person around. Not like Lucas. Or Dustin. Or Will.
Will, who had made Mike feel so many emotions. Happy, sad, worried, excited, scared, and worst of all Will had made Mike feel love.
Though Will would never know that, could never know that.
Which led Mike to the situation he was in right now. His best friend had moved away a whole month ago and Mike still hasn’t had the courage to write him a letter. Infact, he must’ve been sitting at his desk for at least half an hour before finding the right words that would follow after Dear and Will.
It’s easier writing letters to El, he thought, knowing that this was only the case because he was constantly lying through his teeth. Or through his pen. But Will knew Mike, he would instantly know if Mike was lying, even if it was words on a piece of paper.
Mike figured it was even worse if it was words on a piece of paper, because those could be re-read. Undocumented words were easier to forget, he thought. He hoped that Will had forgotten some words Mike had said. Stupid, stupid words. it‘s not my fault you don’t like girls. Mikes nose still scrunched up in disgust when he recalled the words he had said just a few months ago.
It was betrayal. He had betrayed Will and now he had to live with the consequences of his own actions. Which meant his relationship with Will was incredibly strained. The few phone calls he had made to the new Byers residence, roughly 3000 miles away from the old one, were extremely awkward. He would exchange a few words with Will, before deciding to thrust the phone in Nancy‘s hands demanding her to speak to Jonathan, fearing he would say something that made everything worse.
Nancy wasn’t doing too well with the distance between her and her boyfriend either. A lot of affection between her and Jonathan was wordless, he would make her mixtapes or hold her in his arms, knowing she was uncomfortable with constant ’I love you‘s and she would tell him how much she loved those mixtapes and drive with him through town, just to spend time with him. It was harder now, but somehow they made things work without much awkwardness. Her conversations with Jonathan weren’t completely truthful, but they were no where near the utter bullshit Mike wrote in his letters to El.
She lied as well, Mike realized when he heard his older sister say she was fine and that she had started spending more time with other girls at school. In reality, Mike could still hear her almost silent sobs late at night and he knew she spent every lunch break writing some article for the school paper instead of eating. Still, it worked. She lied only to make Jonathan feel better. He felt guilty when he left her, she was the first person that ever stuck around with him that wasn’t a part of his family. That meant the world to him.
Mike on the other hand, lied because he had no other choice. His lies had built up a pile so big, it felt impossible to tell the truth. Christ, his relationship with El was the biggest goddamn lie he‘s ever made, and they both knew that. He knew El was lying just from the fact that he had overheard Jonathan telling Nancy that she has trouble at school and he was positive that she knew he was lying as well. He knew that what their relationship has become was wrong, bad, awful even. But, fuck, the truth was worse. So much fucking worse.
And yes, Mike was aware that he had decent support system, one that would be able to look past his worst traits. They had been doing so for years. The constant rain cloud that followed him stayed overlooked the past couple of years, so this secret could stay unmentioned as well. Although Mike was reluctant to show it, he cared about what other people thought. His oh so loyal friends would stick with him, that wasn’t up for debate, but they would think of him differently, he thought. There would be no more sleepovers without them being so very aware that there was a homosexual amongst them. They would be uncomfortable with him around. With a queer, a fa-.
Mike sighed, took a sip from his glass of water and picked up the pen he had absentmindedly thrown on the floor.
Dear Will,
how’s it going, man?
Nope, too casual.
how are a you doing? I really hope you’re doing well.
Not casual enough.
how are you? Is california as awesome as it looks in movies? I bet it is. Hawkins is the same old shithole. Maybe even worse without you around. It’s crazy that we’re in High School now. It’s crazy that I‘m doing this without you. I‘ve been taking spanish class now, and it sucks. I‘m not good at english so god knows why I chose to learn another language. At least I‘m not as bad as Max. I can say a few sentences. Te extraño.
Anyways, enough about me. Is School any different in California? Do they have an art club there? I know you‘d love to join that. They have one here in Hawkins, but you’re the artist of the party so I wouldn’t know if it’s any good. Have you found any new friends to replace me? They‘d be stupid not to befriend you.
Has Lucas told you he joined the Basketball team? Did he tell you that they pushed my head into a toilet in my first week of High School? They have a nice science teacher here, he’s no Mr. Clarke, but he’s still cool. No AV club though. Not that there would be any point in joining it if you’re not there.
It‘s getting colder again here in Hawkins. I bet there’s none of that in California. Nancy keeps saying the humidity is messing up her hair. She also started driving me to school, since Jonathan isn’t here to drive us to school and riding my bike seems pointless now that I don’t pretend to struggle riding up the hill just so we can push our bikes up to spend a few extra minutes together.
You know, I never thought I‘d say this, but I miss summer. I miss you.
I know that sounds crazy considering all of the stuff that went down, but it’s all just weird now. I have to go eat dinner now and listen to my dad complain about how I should cut my hair for the millionth time. Take care.
Love,
Mike.