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It was the awkward ride back that left room for too much conversation. Dean should have known better. He should have known Sam would use the long car ride to ask questions or talk about what had happened that day.
"So you were praying to, Cas?" As if to prove him right.
What he had expected to talk about was what had happened with Castiel in that building and getting the tablet.
Instead Sam was asking about the damn praying.
Dean took a chance to glance away from the road and over to his brother. Sam was looking at him with full attention.
With a sigh, Dean turned his head back to the road, "so what?"
"Why? The guy left us high and dry. Again. And you have so much faith in him."
Sam was watching Dean carefully, noticing how Dean's knuckles turned white from gripping the stirring wheel tight, a sign of frustration. It was a sign that Dean was hiding something. Sam knew Dean had his reasons to want to believe in the angel, but there was much more to the story than he was getting.
"Dean..." Sam tried again, but his brother still didn't say anything back. That's when the youngest Winchester got fed up and decided to say something just to get a reaction out of Dean. "You must really feel something for him if you keep up praying to him."
Feel something for him...
Because it wasn't like they didn't have too much time for that in purgatory.
When Benny wasn't around because Dean needed his rest Castiel still stayed by his side. That was mostly because Dean refused to let him go. They had been apart too long while they were there and then before that things just weren't right between them. This was where Dean wanted to make it right.
He couldn't sleep anyways. He feared that Castiel would just up and leave among other things he wouldn't admit. So instead he decided to try to keep Cas close.
"Yeah..." Dean mumbled. He was clearly not thinking straight now as he thought about purgatory again. He had to say it hurt to think of it after what just happened a couple of hours ago.
"Yeah?" Sam was grinning, not realizing his brother was thinking deeper than an argument.
Dean realized he said it out loud when Sam repeated it and looked back over at his brother. He wanted to be angry, but Sam was just now starting to get that damn goofy smile he used to have back and Dean liked it.
"Fine, Sam. Yes. I like the damn guy, okay?" At least it was dark. Dean could feel his face heating up by telling his brother this.
"Like, like him?" Sam watched as Dean leaned back in his seat more, his body tensing up with the uncomfortable conversation. He could read his brother too well.
"Shut up, Sam."
"You should tell him! I mean, maybe it would keep him around, you know? Help us out? I'm sure he probably feels the same way and just doesn't know how to deal with it. He is an angel so it's got to be new for him."
"He knows."
He didn't have to say a thing that night. Not really.
Apparently in purgatory monsters liked to have some kind of a resemblance to a house. This was more like a shack and it was abandoned long ago. It was falling apart and had holes in places. Dean really didn't care considering it was more than he could have asked for in purgatory. It also gave them a little bit of privacy. Not that Dean didn't like Benny, but he needed Cas. There had been some kind of empty space there without him. It had been growing since somewhere between the point of Castiel deciding to go God-mode and the leviathans.
Dean was laying on some questionably made cot with Castiel sitting next to him, "Cas?"
The angel had been pretending not to notice that he wasn't asleep yet until spoken to. He turned more towards Dean. There was actually a small smile on his face which was different from the rest of their time there where Castiel was worried about being too close and attracting monsters, "you used to not like me watching over you as you slept."
"Yeah, well I ain't sleepin'."
"Yeah?" Sam asked looking back at him surprised, "since when?"
"Purgatory."
"So... you... were together?" He decided to not ask the fifty questions that came to mind. Like why Cas wasn't there, or why he left again, or why he seemed so into Meg.
"Do you want every detail, Sam? Wanna know how the sex was too?"
Some how in that sleepless night they had ended up tangled together on the cot. Dean's fingers were clutching to what it could of Castiel's hair as he pulled the angel's lips to his own. Those same lips that not moments ago had been murmuring his name over and over.
"Na... That's okay," Sam said quickly, "but..." While he didn't want to know the disturbing details he was worried about Dean now. Cas just up and left again. Dean didn't even tell him why and he wondered if it was even for a good reason.
"It's fine," Dean replied and he actually looked back at Sam with a smile. No matter how half hearted it looked though, "like you said, I have a lot of faith in him..."