Chapter Text
Yoshiki and ‘Hikaru’ found themselves on the beach one afternoon. They’ve been coming to the beach together a lot recently due to the hot weather. Although Yoshiki didn’t like the idea of being out in the gruelling heat for long, ‘Hikaru’ managed to persuade him to come by telling him that it isn’t possible to get burnt if you put your whole body in the water. Yoshiki didn’t really believe that, though. He just wanted to make ‘Hikaru’ happy.
The two of them were walking along the sand, Yoshiki more ahead as ‘Hikaru’ was busy searching for shells.
Yoshiki took in the smell of the salty air as the occasional breeze swept by. He enjoyed days like this. Simple outings. Where it was nobody but them.
Nobody but them…
He recalled their moment at school today. ‘Hikaru’ had dragged him to an old club room that hadn’t been used in years. Yoshiki agreed to help ‘Hikaru’ with the urges he’d been having lately. After the two times Yoshiki felt ‘Hikaru’s’ insides through that chest opening of his, they stopped doing anything like that for a while. So when ‘Hikaru’ asked for it again, Yoshiki felt a bit taken aback. ‘Hikaru’ didn’t really explain why he wanted to do it again; he just said that it would be fun.
Why did Yoshiki agree to this? Well, isn’t wanting to help your friend out a good enough reason?
Despite his reasoning, Yoshiki found himself questioning ‘Hikaru’ a lot on the way to the forgotten club room. ‘Hikaru’ didn’t answer anything; he just kept hold of Yoshiki’s wrist and led him to the room.
When they got in, ‘Hikaru’ immediately locked the door. And that was when it happened. Something that Yoshiki can’t seem to get out of his mind…
Snapping back to the present, flustered, Yoshiki realised he couldn’t quite hear the sound of footsteps following him. He turned around, finding ‘Hikaru’ standing frozen in his tracks.
Before Yoshiki could mutter out anything, ‘Hikaru’ called out with a grin, “Wanna date?”
“What?” he choked out. Yoshiki’s hands were shaking and he was probably starting to sweat too. Then again, it was the middle of summer.
‘Hikaru’ laughed, trodding closer to Yoshiki, “Come on, Yoshiki. I’ve repeated myself about five times now… Is there anybody in there?” ‘Hikaru’ knocked on his forehead softly.
Yoshiki gulped. He had been too busy thinking about…
About…
“Hikaru, if this is some kind of joke, it’s not very funny,” he answered, swatting ‘Hikaru’s’ hand away from his forehead. It wasn’t out of the blue for ‘Hikaru’ to say something weird like that. He tends to say things without thinking much. Yoshiki thought it was amusing, actually; he even laughed at some of his random comments occasionally. This time though, it wasn’t funny. It wasn’t something Yoshiki thought should be joked about at all.
Especially after what they agreed on.
“Yoshiki…” ‘Hikaru’ rubbed his hand that got smacked away, “It’s not a joke, Yoshiki.”
He stepped closer to Yoshiki, only a couple of centimetres away from each other's chests. He stared longingly at him, trying to imagine what he was thinking.
Yoshiki failed to look at him. They firmly agreed to forget about what had happened at school today, to not speak about it and most especially never do anything like it again.
Yoshiki stepped back.
Hikaru stepped forward.
Yoshiki stepped back again, a bigger step back this time.
And Yoshiki–
“Just stop, Hikaru! What the hell are you even thinking?” he finally looked up. But not with eyes that ‘Hikaru’ wanted to see. His eyes were angry. Ashamed.
Scared.
“I just… What do you mean ‘wanna date’? You don’t have feelings for me, Hikaru,” he squatted down, cupping his face in his own hands, “You just don’t.”
‘Hikaru’ put on a shaky smile as he bent down next to him, “I know I ain’t the real Hikaru, but… I can feel his feelings, Yoshiki. I’ve been feeling the things he’s been feelin’ for a while and it’s hurtin’. It’s hurtin’ keeping it all in.”
Yoshiki could feel his airways closing up. Thoughts were racing through his mind. He didn’t want to hear ‘Hikaru’ speak anymore. He didn’t. He couldn’t. He refused. Yoshiki shut his eyes tight, covering his ears, imagining he was– somewhere. Somewhere alone. Quiet.
Pulling his hands off his ears, ‘Hikaru’ spoke out, “I know we said to never talk about it again, but– I really have to, Yoshiki. I’m cravin’ your warmth again. I wanna feel you and I know you wanna feel me too.”
“Yer wrong. I don’t want any of that…” he choked, eyes slightly teary.
‘Hikaru’ sighed, ruffling his own hair in frustration. He wasn’t sure if he should let this whole thing go. Again. Just like he let them push aside what had happened at school.
He took a deep breath out again before speaking, “Then why do you look at me like that, Yoshiki? Or… no, why don’t you look at me?” ‘Hikaru’ was fully sitting down now, digging his hands in the sand and bringing it up to let it spill down slowly. “Why do you always have that look in yer eyes, like you want me too. But yer body… it always looks like yer forcing the opposite.”
Yoshiki couldn’t form the words to tell him anything. He felt like crying. He felt like staring right back at ‘Hikaru’ and telling him that he was sorry, that he wasn’t wrong, that he really does want him too. Yet he didn’t do any of that. He kept his eyes on the sand.
“At school, when I hugged you and touched yer skin, you seemed to enjoy it. You were the warmest at that moment,” ‘Hikaru’ smiled softly before it slowly turned into a frown, “and yer soul was the brightest it ever was… Before yer warmth and glow faded and you pushed me away.”
It was true, Yoshiki did enjoy it for a moment. He shouldn’t have let himself, though. He shouldn’t have agreed to help ‘Hikaru’ again in the first place. It wasn’t normal for two guys to help each other out like that. Sure, ‘Hikaru’s’ intentions were only because he’s not human, but that’s not what other people see. They see two boys. Two boys touching each other.
Like they love each other.
Yoshiki couldn’t stop thinking about the way ‘Hikaru’ felt on his skin. His cold hands pressing on his sides, then sliding up his spine. How ‘Hikaru’ looked at him with desire. Like someone actually wanted him. Something Yoshiki thought he’d never see. He actually thought that ‘Hikaru’ was a little too close, because it seemed like he was about to kiss him. Which was when Yoshiki decided to shut him down, push him off. Of course, Yoshiki could not have done that. After all, it’s not like ‘Hikaru’ was really going to kiss him. Kissing people wasn’t a part of satisfying his non-human urges.
“Why do you do it, Yoshiki? If yer worried about being embarrassed, we can stay hidden from everyone else. We can be together in private,” ‘Hikaru’ reasoned.
Yoshiki finally looked up at ‘Hikaru’. His expression was stiff, like he was trying his best to hold back words. He wanted to agree to it badly. He wanted to agree with ‘Hikaru’ again and again, as many times as he could. But there was a lingering feeling in his body that made him feel so weak, so afraid.
‘Hikaru’ couldn’t wait any longer, “If you won’t speak, then can ya at least nod yer head if yer okay with what I said?”
A second turned to three.
Three turned into ten.
“Fine. We won’t date and I won’t ask you to help me with that stuff anymore either,” he stood up, about to start walking around to look for shells again, before he felt his wrist being grabbed.
He turned to look down at Yoshiki, who had stopped looking at him again, like he was disinterested, yet he had the tightest grip on ‘Hikaru’s’ wrist.
“What’re you–”
Yoshiki nodded.