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Jiwoong feels lightheaded.
“I think I’m watching something illegal,” he says. His lower back aches and he’s pretty sure he’s permanently damaging his neck by hunching over so much, but none of it matters—not when he's having a near religious experience on a Friday afternoon.
Across the dining hall, some guy hunches over his computer, occasionally running a hand through his hair or pushing his glasses up. That isn’t what gets Jiwoong’s attention.
The guy crushes his can of monster and pushes it aside. Next to five other empty cans.
Then he reaches for another one.
The horrifyingly large pile of black and green cans stare back at Jiwoong, the cursed M glowing like a warning: You’re watching a natural disaster, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.
“His heart should’ve given out by now,” Hao says. “There’s no way the human body can survive all of that.”
Somehow, Hao is able to tear his attention away and go back to typing on his laptop, while Jiwoong is left gaping at what's clearly a supernatural being. This is not how he expected their study session to go.
Maybe the guy is an angel. That would explain a lot of things, like how he looks exhausted but still beautiful.
It still doesn’t explain why he's chugging monster cans, but that’s a separate issue.
“I wonder what he's studying for,” Jiwoong says.
Hao hums, already locked back into his own work, and Jiwoong sighs. He should focus, too. Finals start next week, and he can’t afford to get distracted just because of some gorgeous guy without any self preservation.
He probably won’t even see him again.
—
Jiwoong sees him again.
He’s at their university’s cafe waiting for Matthew's shift to end, scrolling through his phone to find a game he promised Yujin he'd download.
He has a few minutes to kill, leaning against the wall by the counter as he taps around, which is why it takes him a moment to recognize the figure in his periphery.
Monster can guy, Jiwoong thinks, dazed. Huzzah! The angel is real!
The masochistic angel finishes giving his order with a sheepish smile, dimple out in full force. It's almost charming enough to distract Jiwoong from the fact that the guy almost definitely just ordered an obscene amount of caffeine.
Jiwoong doesn’t recognize the person who took his order, so he doesn't have a way to discretely ask to check his name.
Instead he cranes his neck to check out the other side of the counter where the barista's already writing down his name. Six letters, it looks like. Or four or five, if there's something loopy like a w in there.
It's as Jiwoong's trying to very subtly peek around the espresso machine for a better look that Matthew nudges him in the side.
“Dude. What are you doing?”
Jiwoong whips around. “Waiting for you,” he says innocently.
“No, you were looking around for something. What was it?”
Curse Matthew's ability to read him so well.
In a half-truth he tells Matthew, “I think that guy ordered something that could get the barista arrested for third degree murder.”
Matthew follows his eyes and nods in sympathy.
“Studying's kicking my ass too, so I can't blame him.” Matthew pauses. “I think he's majoring in something with music, and I hear their finals are intense. They have to write essays and perform.”
Jiwoong perks up at this new tidbit of information. Music? That's so cool.
“You know him?” Jiwoong does his best to sound casual and uninterested, but Matthew immediately shoots him a suspicious look.
“Why?”
“No reason. Just curious.”
“Sure,” Matthew says slowly.
Jiwoong nods. Matthew narrows his eyes for a moment before sighing and letting it go.
“His name's Taerae. We're in the same year. I think I had stats with him freshman year.”
Even more information. This is great. Now monster can guy has a name, and Jiwoong knows his age and major. All that's left is to actually talk to the guy.
He thought the chance-encounter at the cafe would be it, and that once they walked away he might not even see Taerae again. He definitely didn't think they'd walk to the same place, where he'd end up sitting from across the first floor of the library. It's nearby enough for the whole section to allow food and drinks, which is why he gets a prime viewing as Taerae opens his backpack and shamelessly pulls out a can of monster.
“Look.” Jiwoong points over, and Matthew turns to follow.
Taerae opens the can one-handed, which would be super impressive if he weren't pouring poison into his body.
“Oh.” Matthew freezes next to him, and they both stare as Taerae tips his head back and knocks half the drink back in one go. Well, Jiwoong assumes he drank half, because he tilted his head back almost all the way before setting it down.
He prays Taerae didn't drink the whole thing.
“It’s like a car crash,” Jiwoong says. He can't look away.
Matthew nods. “I feel like I shouldn't be watching, but I can't stop.”
He's a lot more sympathetic than Hao had been, and the two of them watch in silence as Taerae downs the rest of the drink and opens a new one.
Matthew gasps.
“I watched him drink seven,” Jiwoong tells him. “This is nothing.”
“He literally just had coffee.”
“Seven. Cans.”
Matthew shakes his head, looking vaguely nauseous. “What is wrong with that guy?”
“He's too pretty,” Jiwoong says, then immediately blushes. Shit. He didn't mean to say that.
Matthew stares at him, eyes huge and jaw slack. “I was talking about the drinking.”
“Pretend I didn't say anything,” Jiwoong says quickly. “Let's focus on the monster cans.”
“Absolutely not.” Matthew leans in and grabs him by the arms. “Hyung. Are you into him?”
It isn't like he can lie his way out of this. Jiwoong manages to lift a shoulder in a sheepish half-shrug.
“He's really cute,” he mumbles.
Jiwoong's always been a bit of a romantic, and falling in love at first sight makes sense for him. He might not call this love, but he's definitely smitten.
“Aw. I can't believe this.” Matthew grins, finally letting go of his arms and instead pretending to pinch Jiwoong's cheeks.
They both look back at Taerae, shivering when he reaches for another can.
“Your crush is freaking me out. I don't think he's human,” Matthew says.
Then Taerae glances up and they all freeze. Jiwoong's brain goes totally offline, and he can't even process the way Taerae's cheeks immediately go pink. It's so cute, and if he thinks about it too much, he's going to explode.
Taerae looks around, understandably confused as to why they're staring at him from across the room, before slowly lifting his hand in a wave.
Jiwoong can't make himself move.
Matthew, thankfully, is able to wave back, so at least they don't both seem like total creeps.
Taerae glances around again before ducking behind his laptop.
“We should go before he catches us staring again,” Jiwoong whispers. “Right? Otherwise we just seem creepy.”
Matthew snorts. “You just scream creepy. You've been staring at him for like, ten minutes. You didn't even wave back.”
“I panicked!”
“Yeah, like a creep!”
“Can you blame me? I mean,” Jiwoong pauses and gestures at Taerae, who's already locked back into his studies. So diligent. Jiwoong sighs.
Matthew groans and drops his head against the table.
When he lifts his head up, he has that look in his eyes that means he's going to suggest something ridiculous and/or reckless.
“We should go over and say hi,” Matthew announces. It's not the worst thing he could suggest, so that's a relief.
Still, Jiwoong drags a finger over the scratches on the table and frowns. “He's studying. I don't want to distract him.”
Matthew sighs and says, “You don't have to talk to him for hours. Just, you know, say hi. Introduce yourself.”
Jiwoong hesitates. He'd much rather flee and then see if he ever gets another fateful opportunity to see Taerae again. Going over makes everything real, and that makes it hard.
Jiwoong's already too stressed out over finals to handle anything else on his plate. He has two papers due tomorrow at noon, and he only has the outlines finished.
But if it means seeing Taerae up close, being able to figure out if his dimple is as deep as it looks—
Matthew jumps to his feet. “Oh, this is perfect! Gunwook's at the table right next to him. We can use him as an excuse to go over, and then you can sit next to your guy.”
It isn't a bad plan, even though it does mean they really are doing this.
Matthew's walking over already, so Jiwoong pushes himself up and follows obediently, breathing evenly. There's no reason to panic. Just because he goes over, he doesn't even have to talk to Taerae. This is just to give him the opportunity.
“Hyungs!” Gunwook is standing and beaming as soon as they get close, which means Taerae looks up at the noise.
They make eye contact again, and this time Jiwoong manages to offer a little wave. Taerae waves back before turning back to his computer.
Matthew leans in to very obviously whisper, “Jiwoong needs to sit here. He has a crush on the guy right next to us.”
By some miracle, Taerae doesn't seem to hear, and he doesn't even twitch when Gunwook whips around to look at him. Matthew hits his arm, but even then Taerae stays focused. One less thing to be miserable over.
“Are both of you guys going to study here?” Gunwook asks.
Matthew shakes his head. “Jiwoong might, but I'm going to head out.”
Jiwoong stiffens. “Wait, you didn't tell me—”
“I have to go too!” Gunwook says at the same time. His eyes are zeroed in on Matthew, and it looks like neither of them heard Jiwoong at all.
Jiwoong sighs and slides into Gunwook's previous spot, setting down his bag and resigning himself to his fate.
Matthew winks. “Have fun,” he says, grinning. He turns back without any other encouragement (or teasing).
“Good luck,” Gunwook says, lifting a fist in a silent fighting! gesture.
Jiwoong laughs and waves him off.
He watches as Gunwook trails behind Matthew like a lost puppy, except he’s clearly trying to pretend they're just coincidentally walking in the same direction.
Thoughts and prayers, Jiwoong thinks. May Matthew open his eyes and put him out of his misery.
Then he refocuses on Taerae. He’s singing under his breath as he spins his pen around his fingers, effortlessly pretty.
Thoughts and prayers for me, too, Jiwoong thinks, a little more helplessly.
Taerae remains oblivious to his turmoil, pausing to scribble down some notes before resuming his deadly singing-spinning combo. Jiwoong's mesmerized.
Thankfully Taerae doesn't seem to notice his staring, so Jiwoong can enjoy the gentle lulls of his voice. The sweet tenor, the rolling lilts, the indescribable way he turns a pop song into something that sounds like it was made just for him.
He lets his eyes flutter closed. It feels oddly intimate even though he knows Taerae isn't actually singing for him.
When he cracks his open, they immediately make eye contact again. It definitely feels weird not to say something when this is the third time it's happened. Time to do something.
“I'm Jiwoong,” he says, offering a smile. He doesn't know if it's too awkward or formal to shake hands, but he's already putting a hand out before he can stop himself.
Taerae looks amused when he takes it. “Nice to meet you. I'm Taerae.”
Jiwoong manages to not say I know, because he's fighting hard not to make himself seem any creepier than he already has.
“You have a really nice voice.”
When Taerae blushes, Jiwoong melts. It's hard to believe this is the same guy who chugs monster cans like he needs it to survive. The duality.
“Singing helps me focus a little better,” Taerae admits. “It's hard to drift off if I'm not just staring at my notes.”
“And you've got a lot of caffeine to help keep you up,” Jiwoong says, gesturing at the empty monster cans.
Taerae laughs. “That too. Can't live without it. Not for finals, at least.”
“I think you're underestimating yourself.” Jiwoong doesn’t push though, just keeps smiling. Even when Taerae goes back to his work and Jiwoong manages to focus on his, it takes a while for his smile to go down.
After a few minutes of quiet, Taerae starts singing again, and Jiwoong's smile comes back full force.
—
It isn't like Jiwoong's trying to follow Taerae around. It's just—well, if he keeps going back to the same spot at the same time everyday, he knows (hopes) they might run into each other.
It's a good spot, too. It definitely isn't weird that he's suddenly spending every afternoon there.
He sees Taerae once, on his way out just as Jiwoong turns the corner. Taerae's coming out through the section reserved for groups, sectioned off and with enough sound proofing for people to comfortably work together.
"Hey," Jiwoong says, managing to sound nonchalant and not at all like he's going yippee! inside his head.
He gestures vaguely at the door. No one else is with Taerae, which doesn't necessarily mean anything, but still.
Taerae seems to know exactly what he's thinking.
“I know the rooms are only open for groups,” he says, “but sometimes I can get away with going there as a group and then staying behind. Less people try to book rooms on Tuesdays, so.” He shrugs.
“Smart.” A lot of people probably couldn't get away with it, but Taerae's got a trustworthy face. If Jiwoong worked here, he'd let Taerae get away with anything.
Taerae smiles, bashful in a way that makes him look particularly pretty, and waves him off. “I have to go, but maybe I'll see you around.”
“I hope so.” Jiwoong doesn’t mind being a little bold when it means Taerae gets so clearly flustered.
He sputters out some sort of goodbye, high pitched and stilted and so, so cute.
Even after he leaves, Jiwoong stays rooted to his spot. Damn. Now he has to get someone to be a “group” with him so he can get into the back rooms.
—
Jiwoong asks Gyuvin first.
He's a sweet kid and pretty reliable, which is why he goes over fully expecting to hear a yes.
Instead, though:
“I have a lab, but Ricky's free!”
Ricky groans. “Why are you volunteering me?”
“Are you really going to ignore hyung in his time of need?” Gyuvin raises an eyebrow. “Come on. Do it for love.”
“They've had one conversation,” Ricky complains, but he's already packing up his things.
He doesn't even make any jabs or teasing remarks as they head over, which lets Jiwoong mentally prepare himself. He's going to go and sit with Taerae, maybe chat for a bit, maybe even get a feel for if Taerae's interested in him. It's a big day. He's got this.
Although, maybe it'd be good to have a little something extra in his favor, something to cheer Taerae up as he studies. It wouldn't hurt.
Jiwoong hesitates before asking Ricky, “Actually, can we stop to get coffee first?”
Ricky pauses. “I thought you didn't like drinking coffee past noon.”
Jiwoong shrugs in response, turning his attention instead to the cafe and the list of drink options. He takes a guess over what he thinks Taerae would like, opting for something basic with just two shots of espresso, and carrying it with both hands as they walk.
Ricky groans, realizing what's happening even without Jiwoong saying anything.
“Did he even ask you to bring him anything?” Ricky sighs.
No, but that isn’t the point. He keeps quiet, which is answer enough. Ricky sighs again.
It's just after two when they arrive to the group study rooms, and Taerae's settled with books scattered around him, clearly having been there for a while.
“Jiwoong!” Taerae shoots to his feet. He doesn't make a move to hug him or do anything beyond just standing there, but this greeting is more than enough. It's like Taerae's truly happy to see him, and the idea makes Jiwoong want to fly.
He slides the paper cup over, pleased when Taerae perks up at the smell and drops back into his seat.
“Coffee,” Jiwoong says helpfully.
“Oh.” Taerae gives him a warm, stomach-twisting smile that he tries to cover with his hand. With a heart fluttering amount of sincerity, he says, “Thanks.”
Then Taerae takes a sip and his nose wrinkles.
“There’s only one shot of espresso in this,” Taerae says, accusatory. He frowns and takes another sip. “Maybe two.”
Jiwoong nods. That was the point; if he let Taerae order for himself, he would’ve gotten as many shots as possible, which depended on how pathetic Taerae looked, and the balance between the barista’s sympathy and their fear for his survival.
“Hyung,” Taerae groans.
“You shouldn't be having that much caffeine.”
“I literally won't pass my finals without it.”
“You will. You're smart, Taerae. You'll be fine.”
Taerae slouches in his seat and takes another sip. He makes a long grumbling noise that Jiwoong assumes is a begrudging agreement.
Ricky clears his throat, and Jiwoong startles. He shoots Jiwoong an unimpressed look.
“Right. Taerae, this is Ricky.”
Ricky gives a little raise of his chin which is a much cooler sign of acknowledgement than shaking hands.
Taerae stares for a moment, clearly confused, before awkwardly repeating the movement.
Aha! The handshake was a good move after all.
“I like your shirt,” Jiwoong says as he sits across from Taerae. “You look nice.”
It's true. Taerae's wearing a kind of goofy combo of bright red and yellow clothing, but it hangs off his shoulders nicely and makes him look all soft and huggable.
Ricky snorts, barely covering it up with a cough. Jiwoong kicks him under the table.
Taerae just puts a hand in front of his face as he laughs, bright and sweet.
“You look nice too,” Taerae says.
Jiwoong straightens. For some reason the compliment feels especially nice coming from Taerae. “Thanks!”
Taerae just nods and says, “Yeah, of course,” then goes back to studying.
Peering over at one of Taerae's notebooks, Jiwoong squints at the blur of letters all over the pages. Taerae’s tapping away at his keyboard, glancing over and somehow able to understand the nonsensical marks.
“Are those hieroglyphics?” Jiwoong asks, only half joking.
It shocks a laugh out of Taerae, and he grins at Jiwoong over the top of his computer. His smile takes up almost half his face, and Jiwoong wants to bask in it for the rest of his life.
Maybe he's getting a little ahead of himself.
Anyway.
“They’re literally just music notes.”
“Oh.” Jiwoong squints more, leaning forward to realize yeah, they are music notes, just crammed together and with a ton of little dots and dashes thrown into the fray.
“Oh,” Taerae repeats, giggling. He's so cute when he giggles.
“Oh,” Jiwoong says again, hoping to keep Taerae laughing.
When he does, loud enough that his hand flies up to cover his mouth again, Jiwoong can only sit back in his seat and mentally pat himself on the back. Point one for him. Point zero for—he doesn't know. Whatever's against him. His own anxiety, maybe? It doesn't matter.
What does matter is the way Taerae can't seem to wipe off his smile even as he tries to refocus; the corners of his mouth keep creeping up, and he avoids making eye contact with dogged determination.
Jiwoong's hit with a terrible wave of cuteness aggression. He has to sit on his hands to make sure he doesn't do anything; he's always had good self control, but something about Taerae just throws him off balance.
Taerae squirms under his attention.
“I, um—” he bites his lip and cuts himself off. “I'm gonna run to the bathroom real quick. Do you mind watching my stuff?”
“Of course not,” Jiwoong says immobile.
Even though it isn't true, he wants to believe there's something special in the way Taerae trusts him to watch over his things.
Ricky clears his throat again. Oops. He forgot he was there.
“What do you think?” Jiwoong asks, earnest. “Do you think he's interested in me?”
“He got all giggly and flustered around you just because you gave him a brief compliment,” Ricky deadpans. “Do you really think he doesn’t like you back?”
When he puts it like that, Jiwoong can only grimace. Screw him for being unsure, apparently.
Ricky sighs. He's been doing a lot of that today. “There's no point in dragging it out. You like him, and he likes you. It's that simple.”
It's a good thing he finishes talking then, because suddenly Taerae's walking back over.
“Okay cool thanks I appreciate it you can stop talking now,” Jiwoong says quickly.
Ricky glances over to see Taerae coming, sighing yet again and getting to his feet.
Once Taerae's at the table, he adjusts his bag on his shoulder and dusts himself off.
“It was nice meeting you,” he says to Taerae. To Jiwoong, he says, “I'll see you later.”
Then, instead of fully leaving, he walks away and disappears into another room. At first Jiwoong thinks maybe he's trying to find a book or print a paper or something, but then he spots Ricky watching them through a gap in one of the bookshelves. Good grief.
Meanwhile Taerae's humming an unfamiliar melody, effortlessly cool and totally oblivious to how he makes Jiwoong's chest flip.
“I really do like your voice,” Jiwoong admits. Even though he isn't singing to Jiwoong, there's something magical about it, like the rest of the world goes colorful around him and turns beautiful in a way he hadn't thought was possible.
Taerae laughs and mumbles out some vague noise, so embarrassed that Jiwoong's cuteness aggression flares up.
Behind him, he’s pretty sure he can see Ricky chanting “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”
He focuses on Taerae.
Taerae, who’s blushing wildly and clearly trying and failing to hold back a smile.
As much as Jiwoong hates it when he does that, wishing Taerae would just let his grin break out and shine, there’s something cute about this, too. The shyness. It makes him want to squish his cheeks.
He squares his shoulders. Now or never.
“Hey. Do you want to go somewhere to celebrate after we're done with finals?”
Taerae's mouth drops open in a little ‘o’ that turns his whole face into something vulnerable, something that Jiwoong aches to cradle and protect and cherish.
“As a date,” he adds.
He's rewarded with a full-face blush and the biggest smile he's seen yet. Taerae ducks his head, hands rushing to cover his face, and Jiwoong can only sit and let fondness wash over him like a tidal wave.
He floats away with it, letting himself get carried away under Taerae's attention.
“Okay,” Taerae says eventually. His smile is still visible through the cracks in his fingers, and Jiwoong can only barely suppress the urge to lean over the table to pry his hands away and kiss him silly.
Taerae thankfully lowers his hands on his own; but he's still smiling radiantly.
There's that dimple. Jiwoong definitely can't stop grinning now, and he's pretty sure both his and Taerae's cheeks are going to hurt after this—but he can't bring himself to care, not when it means they get to have this quiet, precious moment with just the two of them.
“There's a car show in two weeks,” Jiwoong says. He didn't think he could smile any more, but then Taerae's eyes start to sparkle and it's like his whole body's being remade to hold all these lovely, beautiful feelings.
“I love cars,” Taerae whispers. He says it so cutely.
Jiwoong laughs and gestures to the various car stickers on the back of Taerae's laptop. “I know.”
“Right.” Taerae keeps smiling, keeps blushing, keeps looking at Jiwoong like he can't believe he's real.
Jiwoong's sure he looks just as bad.
“So it's a date?”
“Yeah,” Taerae says. “One hundred times yes.”
Smiling, blushing, staring.
It'd be morally wrong not to kiss him at this point. Illegal. Something like that.
“Are you the kind of guy who waits to kiss until after the first date?” Jiwoong blurts out. It isn't nearly as suave as he wanted, but Taerae doesn't seem bothered by the slightest.
“Absolutely not,” he says, then drags him over for the softest kiss in the world.
Jiwoong's body explodes into a thousand fireworks. “Hell yeah,” he mumbles, just to make Taerae laugh.
He does, then kisses Jiwoong again, just as soft, and it feels like the whole world explodes. Jiwoong keeps his eyes shut and lets go of everything that isn’t Taerae. It's a nice way to live.