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“Do you trust me?”
Of course she does. But trusting him with this, that’s more terrifying. Her heart.
She nods, unable to speak. She can make overtures, but she tries to keep them simple. Focused on the physical. She’s known she’s attracted to him for a very long time. She’s accepted she’s in love with him only recently.
“I trust you.” She whispers.
His hand traces her cheek, fingers dusting along her uncovered freckles. A smile fills his features, as he pulls her close, cradling her against him.
“I’ve wanted this so long.”
“Really?” Her eyes water, as she thinks about the wasted years, all that time they could have spent together if they hadn’t been so afraid.
“Of course.” He appears surprised she even thought otherwise.
“I thought…” She licks her lips. “You turned me down, once.”
“I thought you just wanted…a quick fling.”
She pulls back, hurt coloring her expression. It hurts that he’d think so little of her, of her affection for him.
“Why did you think that?”
“Well, you used the word consorting, and well…I’m not really the relationship type. Not really relationship material.”
She sighed. As per usual, they had both assumed something, he had assumed she was only looking for a one night stand, and she had been terrifically hurt that he’d rejected her. Instead of communicating, they had let the hurt feelings fester.
“That wasn’t what I was thinking.” She answers. “But I don’t think you were ready. And…” She draws in a weary breath. “I don’t think I was ready either.”
She would have been ready for sex, but not for love. Sex between them was bound to be complicated, and it could have destabilized them even further. So as much as she might have been disappointed by being rejected, she knows it was the right thing. She knows her pattern, her substitution of sex for feelings, her using people to gain the validation she needs. Her codependent patterns that have played out over and over again.
“And now…”
“Now is different.” She watches the light in his eyes grow.
His fingers cup her jaw, tilting her face, and gently kiss her upturned lips. The kiss is so gentle, so tender, she is overwhelmed by emotion. She hadn’t expected their first kiss to be so soft, but it is. And it’s wonderful, a soothing balm to her aching heart.
After a moment, his eyes meet hers, and she nods, and he closes the distance, and this kiss burns bright, tasting of fire, not to burn, but to warm her. She feels the entire kiss down to her toes, and he sighs against her mouth, tongue sweeping into her mouth. She feels the kiss turn her belly to molten fire, and she wonders how a simple kiss can light her so throughly.
“God, Scully…” He gasps, and pulls her in for another kiss.
They unabashedly make out like teenagers until her lips are swollen red and his eyes are dark and dangerous. She likes them like that, but she reluctantly pulls back.
She isn’t ready for more, not after knowing how easily she can mess things up, so she stands up, and he looks at her with a smile.
“Take the bed?”
She shakes her head, not trusting herself. “I will…soon. But then you won’t be sleeping on the couch.”
“I have something to look forward to.”
“You do.” She answers, smiling radiantly.