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Today was a great day, like seriously amazing, probably the best day or thing that has ever happened to me ever.' Tanaka thinks as he walks out the door. 'Actually no that's a lie this is probably only the 4th best thing that has happened to me. This still doesn't beat the time I found 100,000 yen on the ground. Actually that's a lie it wasn't on the ground it was on a counter. Actually that's a lie too. It was in a cash register– Nor does it beat literally any moment I've spent with my hamster which is an equal tie for first place obviously.' Basically what Tanaka is trying to say is that this is a great day!
Why was this day so great? Well Tanaka found a certain CD one that had been truly lost to time despite only being like 20 years old. He literally stopped in his tracks when he spotted the CD. He had never seen one before and yet here it was he has only heard of it before.
Tanaka picked up the CD of the one, the only Hampster Dance. He just stared at it for a minute before looking down at his own hamster and back at the CD. He walked out with both of them as some guy in the background yelled about paying or something Tanaka didn't really notice... or care.
The second he got in the car he put his lil buddy next to him and did up her seatbelt. He inputted the CD into his car. Yeah, some cars still have CD players, deal with it.
He pressed play and.... it was a masterpiece of sheer chaos and nonsense. It was cinema. Even his little hamster buddy liked it. She was bobbing her head having a grand ol time.
He drove back to Mikasas place playing the CD the whole drive back. Life may suck like 98% of the time but moments like this make life worth clinging to. Once he arrived at Mikasas place he carefully undoes his lil buddies seat belt and takes her out of the car. He walks into the home he's staying at while humming the song; Takeda is there as well and is just glaring at him.
After snooping through Mikasas' house he found a CD player. He inputted the CD and played the Hampster Dance. He let his little hamster out on the floor as he sat with her letting her run around and play and be joyous. Tanaka is humming along, letting his little buddy be happy as she climbs on him.
"Tanaka!" Takeda yells over the music. "Have ya made any more progress when lookin’ into unuki-sama!"
Tanaka looked up from his hamster for a second. "Oh hello Takeda-san!" He smirks "sorry couldn't hear you over the music! What was that?!"
"For the love of God could ya turn off that horrendous song and quit playin’ with that pet of yers!" Takeda yells while Mikasas nods in agreement next to him.
"AhahaHA! Sorry no can do I think better with music! I thought you wanted me to come up with a plan faster?" Tanaka said grinning before turning back to his hamster.
"Doubt ya could even classify that monstrosity as music." Mikasas muttered under his breath.
"Maybe ya should do yer thinkin’ outside and spare some of our sanity." Takeda said through gritted teeth.
"HA Ahahaha! You got it, chief." Tanaka laughed while picking up his hamster and carefully put her back in the cage. He also grabbed the CD player from off the ground and began to walk away humming the song.
"HEY WAIT!! I didn't say you could take the CD player?!!!" Mikasas yelled after him, slightly confused.
It's fine there was like 48% chance Tanaka would return it. That's almost a fifty fifty chance any true gambler would go all in NEVER QUIT WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD!! Moving on. Tanaka walked outside and considered driving somewhere for a second but decided to walk instead. It's a nice evening out cicada are still like the most annoying thing to ever exist fuck the person who thought it was a good idea to give this tiny bug the ability to make the most horrendous sound in existence.
As he made his way through the town the CD was still blasting the Hampster Dance. Some of the towns folk gave him weird looks but honestly Tanaka couldn't pay less attention to them even if he took off his sunglasses. At some point he found himself in this little field not too far away from the town but far enough so they wouldn't bother him. Or at least that was the idea because Yoshiki and 'Hikaru' are also here for some reason.
"Are ya stalkin' us again?" Yoshiki asked, looking suspicious.
"HA! Yoshiki-kun I told you that I had placed a tracker on both you and 'Hikaru'-kun shoes. If you guys didn't take it off, that's on you." Tanaka laughed crouching on the ground as he gently placed his hamster's cage down. "Regardless I wasn't tracking you this time because believe it or not I have better things to do." Said the man who was still blasting the Hampster Dance at full volume.
'Hikaru' was intensely looking at the hamster with big eyes. "OH MY GOD THAT HAMSTER IS SO CUTE COME 'ERE LIL GUY!!" 'Hikaru' yelled, moving closer to the hamster cage. The hamster screeched and buried herself further into her little hut.
'Hikaru' stopped in his tracks before sobbing slightly "euuuuuuuuuuu Yooossshhhiiiiikiiiiiiii whyyyyyy don't animals like meeeeeee????" He whined, grabbing onto Yoshiki and shaking him.
"Man ya come on too strong it freaks out animals." Yoshiki explained.
"I jus' wanna hug em, they're so dang cute!" 'Hikaru' exclaimed, making exaggerated arm movements.
"No matter what you try, eldritch boy, it won't work on her; she's too sensitive to beings from your side." Tanaka laughed reminding everyone that this story is in fact about him.
'Hikaru' looked at Tanaka with the expression of a 5 year old when you tell them that they can't have that toy and instead have to do math.
"NOOOOO IS THAT WHY ALL ANIMALS HATE ME?!! THAT'S SO UNFAIR HELP ME YOSHIKIIIII!!" 'Hikaru' yelled, grabbing onto Yoshiki again.
"HAH not all animals my little pal for sure and maybe cats wont like you but dogs are pretty stupid and won't notice!" Tanaka laughed.
"NO CATS NOOOO I LOVE CATS WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!"
"YOU EAT PEOPLE!"
"THAT AIN'T AS BAD AS CATS HATIN' ME THAT'S JUS’ TOO CRUEL!" 'Hikaru' yelled back at Tanaka while he was still holding Yoshiki.
"HEH YOU WANNA FIGHT TO PROVE IT!" Tanaka grinned while lighting a cigarette.
"YER ON!" 'Hikaru' yelled running towards Tanaka swinging his fist at him.
"Hey calm yourself 'Hikaru'-kun! Not the type of fight I meant." Tanaka says pausing for a second to take a drag from his cigarette. "What I was suggesting was a breakdance competition... However after seeing how you ran and threw that punch you're about as capable as an old lady and I actually like my competition to put up a fight." Tanaka said with a smirk blowing out a puff of smoke.
"Asshole," 'Hikaru' muttered, "yer like 62 n' prolly have back problems n' stuff."
"WHAT! SIXTY TWO?! DO I LOOK SIXTY TWO TO YOU?!?!!" Tanaka shouted looking absolutely shellshocked. His cigarette literally fell from his mouth. That's how flabbergasted he was. "AND FOR THE RECORD I JUST HAVE BAD POSTURE BECAUSE EVERYONE IS A METER SHORTER THAN ME!! You know I was joking before but now it's personal. You, me, dance battle to the Hampster Dance NOW!"
"Yoshiki can you hold my bag for a minute?" 'Hikaru' turned to look at Yoshiki who was looking absolutely befuddled about whatever the hell is even happening in his life anymore.
"Sure." He sighed laughing slightly because that's all you can really do when you end up in a situation as stupid as this. Seriously, who comes up with this stuff?
Yoshiki then proceeded to watch this weird guy have a dance battle with a 15 year old because he got ragebaited by the aforementioned 15 year old. 'Is Tanaka-san just easy to piss off... ehhhh he's reacted with less to worse from what I've seen. I have no clue what his deal is. Maybe he actually is just a weird millennial with absolutely no social skills.' Yoshiki thinks as he continues to watch whatever the hell is happening to probably one of the worst songs humanity has created... and that says a lot.
"OWWWWWWWW" 'Hikaru' yelped in pain clutching his ankle.
"Oopsie!" Tanaka says shrugging like he's innocent while grinning like a maniac.
"Y'all I looked away for two seconds. The hell happened!?" Yoshiki says absolutely done.
"Looking away was your first mistake, Yoshiki-kun." Tanaka says nonchalantly while lighting up another cigarette and taking a drag from it. "Your second mistake was assuming I was mature enough to not fight dirty."
"So you admit to doin’ it on purpose." 'Hikaru' says, still on the ground clutching his ankle.
"Hey, hey, hey, your ankle just happened to be where my foot needed to be and I just happened to stomp on your ankle like twelve times. Hey fair us fair right?" Tanaka grins, blowing the smoke out of his lungs.
"That is literally the exact opposite of fair." Yoshiki said flatly.
"Oh well I win though so pack it up 'Hikaru'-kun." Tanaka gloated as pleased as a cat in a bag that's in a box which happens to be on top of a pile of laundry.
"No! Yoshiki ya gotta step in for me!" 'Hikaru' begged.
"Hell no." Yoshiki replied, looking down at 'Hikaru'. "Besides can't ya heal yerself?" He pointed out.
"Well I used to but since I split myself in half I can't do it as fast." 'Hikaru' explained.
"Was... was that a thing before? Like ya healed a stab wound in a matter of seconds but not a twisted ankle? Be so for real."
"QUIT POKIN' HOLES AND JUS’ TAKE MY PLACE! I wanna see ya dance!"
"Fine." Yoshiki begrudgingly agreed.
"Ooooo I see you are bringing out the big guns now." Tanaka laughed.
"OI YOSHIKI! HIKARU!" A voice in the distance yelled as three figures appeared.
"Oh look, Maki, Yuuki and Asako are finally here." 'Hikaru' casually said as he looked towards the three figures coming closer.
"YOU CALLED FOR BACK UP?!" Tanaka yelped.
"No. We were all meetin' up me an’ 'Hikaru' got here early. YOU were the one to crash our group hangout."
"Heh you think I'm scared? Well... YOU WOULD BE CORRECT TEENAGERS ARE VERY SCARY!!" Tanaka yelped quickly grabbing his hamster cage and the CD player. Tanaka skedaddle the fuck out of there running in an absurd fashion.
Maki, Yuuki and Asako finally got over to them.
"Hey we made it!!" Maki said grinning.
"We would have been here in time if SOMEONE hadn't spent 10 minutes in the store only to buy nothing." Yuuki says glaring at Maki.
"Who was that guy with ya blastin' that..... noise?" Asako asks.
"Jus some random guy who could not take a hint." 'Hikaru' shrugged.
"He looked kinda familiar... Anyway, what do ya guys wanna do!" Asako says switching to a more cheerful voice.
They continued on with their day. Meanwhile Tanaka just had to sit in his car blasting his CD because no-one appreciated art anymore.