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Will I ever be loved?

Summary:

ATTENTION. THIS FIC IS UNDER RECONSTRUCTION 🚧🏗️

Idk how to write summary but I will try

Toritsuka life after him getting brainwashed and how his brain slowly getting undone or past coming back to him. Will he be able to handle it on his own? Join the journey of up's and downs of the Spirit Medium.
Contains about gAhosts, his random talent cause he has ADHD (for plot puroposes) and "CHILDHOOD TRAUMA". Also new characters cause why not. And the ghost are good and caring in this.

THIS IS A DAY TO DAY LIFE OF TORI & SOMETIMES SAIKI TOO. SO THE PLOT WILL MOVE VERY SLOWLY, AS HE LOSSES HIS SPARK EACH DAY.

Wrote this cause I read the manga in the last arc and realized that Saiki only found him missing cause because was staking Satou as usual and then Suzumiya saw him and Aiura and asked if they were there for Toritsuka , who didn't show up for a week.

Saiki didn't notice on his own that Toritsuka was missing. It was so messed up I had an urge to write........But the story went on it's own and now it was more than that.

Inspired by all the Torsai fanfic and fanarts.

Notes:

Hii y'all

Most likely OCC but I will try my best with the characterization. There are other relationships too which I will tag after reach to that point.

Toritsuka is not a perv anymore which will be explained.

Hope you all enjoy this :)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1

Notes:

I'm rewriting each chapter. It's gonna take a while to change it all. I hope you can wait for a while for me to change it.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"Hello"  -  Character speaking

'hello'  - Saiki speaking

[hello] - thoughts of the character. That maybe in 1st perspective or 3rd perspective

[hello]  - repressed thoughts or subconscious thoughts sometimes that even the character won't realize they are thinking about it.

(hello) - general information or just my opinion

 


 The above line is for perspective change of the character. 


 

 

The Psychic teleported the medium infront of the temple before teleporting back. All the spirit medium was thinking about the laying in his own bed after staying away for a week. He was also worried about how the monks in the temple will react but he knows better than anyone that they will probably rant about him being irresponsible.

When he entered inside the temple grounds he saw a few monks noticing him and the ghost at the temple is bombarding him questions about where he was and inquired about his wellbeing. He stayed quiet didn't respond to the ghost as he left for his hut at the edge of the temple near the forest.

The medium opened the door of the house or the hut that the monks allowed him to stay. When he entered his eyes fall on to the floor where a dog waiting infront of the door, eyes looking expectantly at the door. The dog ran up to him shouting and jumping next to the boy. He bent down and pet the dog saying "I'm home", even thought he knew he couldn't touch the dog.

He removed his geta and beelined to his bed, crashing on top of it, as he was exhausted with everything that has happened in the past week. The hut smelled dry and was filled with dust. Even his bed has collected dust and he could feel it clearly but given his exhaustion he couldn't find it in himself to get up.

His eyes grew heavier but the ghosts were still worried about the boy, which bought a little smile to his face knowing that they remembered him and worried about him.

"I'm fine, sorry for worrying you guy's. But I'm kinda exhausted now. Im gonna sleep" he says, as his voice hinting the tiredness he was feeling.

The ghost didn't want to bother the medium anymore, so they gave him some space. He was about to sleep but he heard a knock on the door. The ghost told it was the monks [ of course it's them. Who else would visit me ]. He opened the door to greet the monks, who were not clearly not happy.

They told his behavior was wrong and to abandon his duty as a monk and running away from the temple and going and coming as he pleases. They said his actions were inexcusable. He was given more work with his already pending work of the previous week as punishment.

Not even one of the monks asked where he was or how he was doing. His felt his chest tighten and knots forming in his stomach. He apologized to the monk and said he will get it done. The monks left him after that.

Then he heard from the ghosts that the  monks were talking about his behavior and how he was "too far gone" and "not fit to be in such a holy place". And some of them suggesting about kicking him out the temple but the others decide against it since he was still a teen and it was a request from the sister temple to help the medium.

He felt off balance and fell on his butt. He sat their making no effort to get up thinking about what will happened if they did decided to kick him out. He always knows that this will happen. That him being abandoned. But still it was a little painful, as he liked staying here than any other temple he's been to.

He took some deep breaths, his dog worried and sitting beside him. He knows he will have to figure something out soon. So that he can be able to live on his own if he got kicked out. He sighed and thought to himself that he have to do his best so that he cannot be kicked out before that. At least not before completing Highschool. [ which is going on forever ]

He got up to get some sleep because he was truly exhausted both physically and mentally. Before he could reach his bed a very loud ghost came flying through the door calling his name "REITA!!!" and pass through his body at how fast it flew. The boy felt chills around his body.

The ghost turned around and hugged the spirit medium even though they can't touch each other. The ghost was freaking out and asking where and how he was. The medium was shocked at such strong reaction. Though he was a little happy to seen someone cared enough [ even though it was a ghost ]. 

The medium thought [ can a ghost be this emotional, almost feels like a human ] as he returned the hug. Before he could say anything the ghost bombarded him with questions.

"Where were you?!! You have been gone for a week!! We were all worried. Are you ok? Did something bad happen? We searched the forest and the whole town. The last time someone saw they saw you was at cafe with a blond guy and that you left with him!! Is it true?? I even went and searched the city nearby to look for you!!! But you were just gone" .

The ghost started mumbling so fast at the medium, clearly worried and cared enough to know that he was missing. Even going as far as to search the whole city for him. He was truly grateful. He said "Awww. Didn't know you love me so much " with a teasing grin, as the ghost deadpanned.  He chuckled a little and then gave a soft smile saying "Thank you for caring" . And then explained the whole situation cutting out some parts of it.

The ghost face-palmed itself at how naive and stupid the medium was. Nearly asked him if no one ever taught you to talk to strangers as a kid but knowing a little about his past they decided against it. The ghost felt guilt though, as they were the one who said the medium to go out that day. 

The ghost apologized to the medium which he forgave as he knows that the encounter with the scientist was inevitable. Though the ghost did lecture him on stranger danger, but when they saw the medium yawn, they told him to go and get rest. The medium fell asleep soon on his not so warm and dusty bed.

 


Saiki returned to his home and only gave a brief explanation of the situation to Aiura telepathically. He too was super exhausted and thought back to what happened. He felt a little guilty for the medium, who was dragged into the "game" by his annoying brother. Was also a little happy about the loyalty of the medium and how with even his genius brother brainwashing the medium still couldn't hate him. 

He checked on the medium using Clairvoyance to watch if the medium is doing well after what has happened. He was relived to see the medium sleeping but also a little worried since the medium looked clearly exhausted. The Psychic also slept soon after eating coffee jelly.


 

It was dark outside when the medium woke up. There was nothing left in the house to eat, which was not spoiled. He got up and drank some water. He looked around the house and then at himself, everything was a mess. He was feeling dirty and house too. He put on some hot water to take a bath. In the mean time it was filling, he removed the porn book that was left as it was on the day he left. 

He started dusting, the hut wasn't too big so it didn't take much time. He tied up the spoilt food in trash bags and put it by the door, so that he can remember to take it out in the morning. After all the cleaning, he was tired but he was super dirty too. So he went in the bathroom and cleaned himself and then sank himself in the hot bath tub. 

Only his head was out of water, leaning against the tub, he eyes closed. He was feeling his tiredness wash away by the water. As he was thinking about how nice the warm water is , a sudden thought popped up in his mind [ What if I just sink my head in the water and not lift it back up ]

That sounded tempting for him but then a flash of someone holding his child self in the bathtub while he was pleading holding on to big strong arm tightly that was dunking his head. He shook his head off and got out of the tub, changing into his blue t-shirt and grey sweat pants. It was nice wearing his clothes again.

He sat down by the bed, lost in thoughts about what excuse to give to the school about his absence. He checked the time it was 3 Am. The air was chilly and his ghost dog was relaxing on his bed beside him. The other ghost who was there has a worried look on them. The ghost asked if he was doing ok and he just nodded saying "You know me, I always doing great. I was just tired yesterday" flashing a smile

The ghost didn't seemed convinced but didn't want to push the medium either. They just shrugged and told him that he should go get food, since there was nothing in the house. And also warned about the amount of ghost he will be surrounded cause they were all worried about him. On that cue the spirit mediums guardian spirit came in through the wall.

"Hey kid, where have you been?? All my ghost pals are saying you were missing? " the spirit said with a dumb look, while both Toritsuka and the ghost he's been talking to face-palmed.

"You're the one to talk! you should have stayed with him all the time!! Were did you even go?!! " the ghost replied to the spirit. "Why am I wasting my time. Whatever you are gonna say will probably wanna make me bash my head against the wall" the ghost sighed. 

The medium said "it's fine, At least I don't have to deal with him and his son together".

"But you're stuck with bad luck, and you end up getting hurt" the ghost said with a little mad tone.

"I had to deal with it all my life, I'm used to it " the medium shrugged and continued by saying "I'm a spirit medium, I can handle myself" but his usual confidence wasn't present in that.

" That's dumb "The ghost just sighed and shook his head in response.

The medium made a face that said That's my life. And remained silent for a few second. 

He then added "You are most expressive ghost I have ever met and it's nice to have you as my roommate, almost makes me think I'm talking to a human" the medium spoke.

"Well, I was once a human once" the medium's roommate chuckled looking away from the medium .

The medium and his roommate talked for some more time. And later the ghost was playing with the ghost dog. A few more ghost came to check upon the medium after hearing he came back.

The temple bell rang at 4 Am. It was time for the medium to do his chores. He has to sweep the temple grounds. It was large and he got no help from the other monks due to his punishment. He just stayed quiet and started sweeping, the old woman ghost there asking if he got enough rest. He just slightly nodded due to other monks watching him. He felt uneasy talking to ghost infront of others, mainly at early morning. 

He tried to complete it as fast as he could but it too much for him alone to do. It was consequence of his action so he bit his tongue and continued. He was a little dizzy from not eating anything from afternoon of the previous day.

He tries not to think about what happened at the laboratory. So he thought about what Saiki said about Suzumiya Hii. The girl who he has a real chance with, but he was also afraid of getting hurt due to her bad luck. Yet he still wants to be with her, since she was the girl who truly wanted to be with him even though it was a misunderstanding. 

He has a soft spot for her, and admire how she was never discouraged by the things happening in her life, unlike him, who was either running away from his problems or uses ghosts as an excuse. He knows he is pathetic. But he still doesn't wants to lose to Satou, he has a tiny bit grudge on him [since Saiki liked Satou]. He was now annoyed at the situation that he forgot about the previous day or about his betrayal.

Notes:

Comment about what you think about this fic. I will probably change the title name too. If I can decide on other name.
Hope you all have a great day :)

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I do have some AU Ideas if someone want to collaborate or write about it.