Chapter Text
“Hey dad, I have a really, really important question..”
“Yes..?”
“How.. How are babies made?”
It was a sunny Sunday afternoon when 007n7 finally heard the dreaded question all parents face at some point in their lives. He knew that this day would come, one day, but this was too fast. C00lkid wasn’t even six and 007n7 hadn’t prepared a convincing enough lie yet! Whatever was going to happen was undecided. He put down the cucumber he was chopping for lunch, hands shaking, and turned his attention to the pudgy red child tugging at the hem of his pants.
The cute lump had a curious and innocent expression, and 007n7 just couldn’t lie to c00lkid when he made those puppy dog eyes. Fuck. A small bead of sweat rolled down his forehead, which he swiftly wiped away with his sleeve, before spinning his head away from c00lkid. The potted plant just looked really interesting right now.
“W-well,” 007n7 started to say, stumbling over his letters. He was never a really good liar, especially when he was put on the spot like this. “W-when a mom and a dad really, really, really love each other, a magical.. Well something happens, and an adorable baby such as yourself pops out,” 007n7 said, a big but shaky smile on his face. 007n7 seriously hoped he could pull this lie off. He turned his head back to c00lkid. He didn’t look suspicious, he looked rather satisfied with the answer actually.
But then he opened his mouth.
“So, then..” C00lkid said slowly, a small but hesitant smile on his chubby cheeks. “If you're my dad.. Then who’s my mom..? ..When can I meet her?”
“..Uhh, one day, I promise you. One day.”
“Wait, really? My mom is actually real?? So Bluudude was lying when he said I don’t have a mom.. Where is she? What's she like?!” C00lkid was jumping up and down in excitement. “What does she do?!”
007n7 squatted down to get onto C00lkid's level and look him in the eyes. They were wide open with excitement. He gave c00lkid a small, soft smile. “Of course you have a mom, don’t listen to that kid. Bluudude. He’s a bad influence. She just isn't around.. Right now. She's on an.. Adventure.”
“Really?!”
“Yeah..”
“Wow!” C00lkid had the brightest smile 007n7 had seen in a long time. The last time he was this happy was probably when 007n7 had brought c00lkid a pizza from the old pizza shop he used to terrorize. 007n7 was just relieved that the old employee, Elliot? Didn’t work there anymore. He could buy the pizza without facing any embarrassment.
“Dad, so when will mom be back? I want us to eat together!” he squealed excitedly. “That’s what Pr3ttyPr1ncess does with her family, she tells me about it everyday. I’m so excited! I wanna eat dinner with a mom- I wonder what she’s like.. Dad, can you tell me more? Please?!”
“Not now, I need to finish cooking dinner. Maybe another day,” 007n7 replied, as he softly pushed c00lkid towards the living room. This conversation needed to end before 007n7 accidentally told c00lkid the truth. He just wasn’t ready yet, one day 007n7 would tell him that he was actually abandoned as a baby and that he isn't even related to his so-called dad. One day. “Go play with your toy cars. I’ll call you when dinner's ready.”
C00lkid spun around, resisting 007n7’s instruction, eyebrows furrowed in defiance. “Please, dad, just tell me one thing!”
“I already told you, she’s on an adventure.”
“No, another one thing!”
“...”
“C’mon dad, She’s my mom!”
“You haven’t even met her-”
“No I have!” C00lkid’s tone was getting frustrated, his squarks of anger getting louder and more high pitched. 007n7 could even see a small tear at the corner of his eye. “I saw her!”
“But, she never even came around-” And she doesn’t even exist-
“Shes purple! And has a mask! And is taller than you! And is-”
Oh shit.
“Noli?! No, that-”
Chiils ran up his spine as 007n7 heared the old but still incredibly familiar name. It had been how many years? Since he had last talked to Noli. The two of them kind of naturally drifted apart after college as their loves got busy in different ways. Now, the only time 007n7 saw Noli was on the news, whenever he messed something up again, like breaking into the Roblox Reserve Bank and deleting inflation.
“Noli..?! Is that her name!?!” C00lkid was even more enthusiastic now. He tugged on 007n7’s sleeve with the force of a five year old, asking questions 007n7 didn't want to answer, and squealing in joy. “When can I meet her! Is she cool? I’m so excited, so I do have a mom- Bluudude is wrong! He said my mom hated me and abandoned me and-”
“No, c00lkid, Noli isn’t.. She, no- He’s a man. Not your mom. And what do you mean, Bludude said what-”
“Ohh,” c00lkid said in an understanding tone while nodding his head like something had clicked in his tiny brain. This was wrong. C00lkid was never understanding and he was not the type to solve puzzles. He should be freaking out that he doesn’t have a mom- “So, I have two dads..? Like Pr3ttyPrincess? Woah, that’s even cooler!”
007n7 scrunched his eyes shut wishing he could disappear. C00lkid wasn’t even that wrong. If there was anyone in 007n7’s life that was the most obvious answer to be his other parent, it was Noli. In the past, the two of them had spent way too many days and nights together, it wouldn’t be that shocking if they somehow made a child, especially with how reckless they were. But they were both men. And it didn’t happen. And c00lkid needed to know that.
“He’s not your mom, and he’s not your dad. At best, Noli’s just a weird uncle. When did you even meet him?”
“A long time ago! I remember, he used to sit there,” c00lkid pointed to the old, beat up couch that 007n7 was supposed to replace two years ago when it first started to break. “And watch TV. He’s very purple, and he likes drinking green juice! That's what he told me, but I know it wasn't juice. Smelled wrong. I didn’t know he's an adventurer as well!”
“..How many years ago was this?”
“Five. Or six. No, like- Yeah, six.”
“Noli, you- Okay, c00lkid. Do you really want to meet him?”
“Yes! He’s a fun mom- I mean uncle. I always wondered why he never came back. Oh yeah, today at school, I learned the word wonder. Did you know that it-”
007n7 just automatically let c00lkids talking go through one ear and out the other. He felt a little too stressed right now to try and listen to whatever c00lkid was ranting about, despite how much he loved listening to his son’s stupid stories.
“-And that's why the Drakobloxxer is red! Amazing, right?!”
“Yeah, amazing.. Can you wait in the living room as I get dinner ready?”
“Yes dad!”
As soon as 007n7 was sure c00lkid was out of hearing range and distracted with legos, he swiftly took out his phone, and dialed a number he couldn’t forget, no matter how much he wanted and tried to.
“Please,” he whispered. It wasn’t just for c00lkid, it was for himself, too. Despite the many years it had been since college, and no matter whatever crazy hijinks Noli got himself into like starting a cult, or breaking into the roblox headquarters, or vandalising the world, or- who cares, 007n7 still felt some kind of old attachment to his friend. His best friend. Well, ex-best friend at this point.
Brii
The call picked up. And from the other end, an all too familiar voice spoke up.
“..Seven?”