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Xinlong sat still, closing his eyes and holding his breath, waiting for the kiss. But it never came. Instead—
“This won’t do,” Junseo sighed, “You’re too stiff, Xinlong-ah. Try relaxing.”
“It’s just— I’ve never— I’ve never done something like this before!” Xinlong tried explaining, gesturing all funnily between them, voice going an octave higher than usual, face completely flushed crimson.
Junseo just looked at him fondly, could practically see steam rising off of Xinlong’s face. Cute, he thought. His boyfriend would be the death of him.
“I know,” Junseo replied softly, “that’s why hyung will guide you through it.” he coaxed.
Xinlong was still nervous but nodded hesitantly nonetheless, he wanted this, too, afterall.
“We don’t have to do it anytime soon if you’re not comfortable though, Xinlong-ah.” Junseo said, voice honeyed with reassurance.
“No!” Xinlong exclaimed, suddenly. His eyes went wide, like a deer caught in head lights, clearly surprised at his own outburst.
Junseo thought he saw him get ever redder, if that was even possible.
Xinlong cleared his throat in an attempt at feigning normalcy. “I mean, no.” A pause. ”I want this too, hyung. More than you could ever know.” His voice dripped with earnest and complete sincerity.
Junseo just stared, the certainty and conviction in Xinlong’s voice making him lightheaded. A warmth, made up of genuine fondness, bloomed in his chest. His boyfriend really would be the death of him.
The room was filled with tension, nerves, and pure want. That, and the silence in the room made the atmosphere completely shift.
Xinlong let out a shaky breath, the little confession—outburst—from earlier settled heavily in the air, the weight of it all suddenly felt a lot more overwhelming.
The thick air, paired with what felt like a halt in whatever they were doing, made Xinlong want to take back everything he said. Maybe it was too much.
Though, before he could, “Hyung will guide you, then?” A very shaky, almost ragged, barely there, question slipped past Junseo’s lips.
Oh.
It seemed like Xinlong underestimated how much he was affecting Junseo too, that maybe, just maybe, his Junseo hyung wanted this—wanted him—just as much as he did. Maybe even more.
The sudden realization came with a heavy toll. He was sure if he tried to reply now, he would come out short—or worse, embarrass himself and reveal all his wants, his wishes, his deepest and darkest desires, all to his hyung. So he settled for a nod, a slight shake of the head.
He didn’t trust himself to do anything else, almost sure his feelings would bubble over like a pot of liquid left on the stove for too long. Considering that most of his wants consisted of his said hyung too, is something that could get dangerous real fast, if put out in the open, especially for his poor heart.
Though right now, he had better things to focus on. Like—how his boyfriend only seemed to get impossibly closer at his confirmation.
Xinlong could practically count Junseo’s lashes now, their hot breath mingling together. Anticipation and want bubbled in his stomach, while his heart hammered in his chest, like a barely concealed cacophony. The fact that now, Junseo’s face seemed to be flushed and matching his own, was not doing him any good either.
He was only a weak man after all. With his boyfriend being his biggest weakness of them all.
Suddenly, an idea seemed to spark up in Junseo’s head. He got up from their original position, leaving Xinlong confused.
The whole time that Xinlong was sitting, his only support was his arms, which were also, simultaneously, the only things keeping him upright while he was leaning back. Junseo knew that would get extremely uncomfortable once they were actually kissing, so he wanted to do something about it.
Plus, the tension in the air was making Xinlong way more tense than usual, so he hoped to ease that tension a bit too. He wanted his boyfriend to be completely comfortable after all.
“I’m sorry, Xinlong-ah. But…” Junseo trailed off, “could we try something?”
Xinlong was confused, but nodded nonetheless.
“Why don’t you be a good boy for hyung,” Xinlong felt lightheaded. “And go sit with your back against the wall, right over there. Hmm?”
Good boy. For his hyung.
His brain went completely blank, instead filled with an overwhelming need to obey—to be good—for his hyung.
His body moved on its own. Then, he was in a comfortable position, on the bed, with his back pressed against the wall.
Junseo, who had been staring the whole time, let out a satisfied hum, which only made Xinlong preen with delight. He succeeded. He had listened to his hyung well.
Shifting closer now that he was sure Xinlong was comfortable, Junseo got on the bed and inched closer.
Xinlong had no idea what his hyung was planning, which only added to the thick anticipation hanging in the air.
Junseo finally reached his destination, Xinlong, and immediately got on top of him, straddling his hips in the process.
It all happened so swiftly that Xinlong could barely process it—his brain short circuiting the moment his boyfriend got on top of him. So, this was his plan all along.
Xinlong felt like a cat met with the sight of food. He could do nothing but stare dumbly at his boyfriend, his face now inches away from his own.
“Are you okay with this?” Junseo asked, “Or is it uncomfortable?”
Xinlong gulped, before nodding, faintly.
“Use your words, Xinlong-ah.” Junseo cooed, clearly teasing, seemingly having caught on to the effect he has on Xinlong.
Xinlong stared, dazed. “Ye—yeah, this is okay, hyung.” He replied, voice strained, coming out almost strangled.
He was having a very hard time doing anything now that his boyfriend was straddling him. The closeness was getting to his head, leaving him all dizzy.
His eyes darted away from his boyfriend’s face, he felt like he would explode if he looked at him any longer.
“Okay. Take it easy then.” Junseo whispered, breath hot against his ear. “And don’t look away.”
Xinlong listened and looked up, going cross-eyed as he did so. Junseo’s face was inches away again, just like before they shifted.
“Also, don’t just leave your hands there Xinlong-ah.” Junseo murmured, “You can put them to good use by putting them on my waist—”
He took both his hands from where they were hanging in the air awkwardly, and guided them to his waist. “Like this.”
Xinlong tentatively put his hands on his boyfriend’s waist, like he wasn’t sure whether he was allowed to or not, before setting them comfortably with a grip on his waist.
“Good boy.” Junseo purred.
The praise went straight to Xinlong’s head, leaving him completely flustered. If his boyfriend kept this up, he would be a dead man before ever getting to experience his first kiss.
“Hyung!” He whined. “Stop teasing, please.”
Even under the dim, almost nonexistent, light shining from the curtains, Junseo could see Xinlong’s face was completely crimson.
Finally deciding to take pity on Xinlong’s poor soul, he caved. “Alright, hyung won’t tease you anymore.” Junseo said softly, extreme fondness evident in his voice.
Xinlong nodded, visibly less tense and more relaxed than before. After all, Junseo wasn’t just teasing for no reason, he wanted his boyfriend to be as comfortable as possible. And if that meant he had to stall, then so be it.
It might come across as being a bit silly to be taking a first kiss this seriously, but it seemed to be a very serious matter for Xinlong, so he only wanted to reciprocate and treat it as such.
“Don’t overthink and just follow along, Xinlong-ah.”
At this, Junseo cupped his face and leaned in, their lips finally touching but only ever so slightly, leaving room in case Xinlong wanted to back out.
However, Xinlong almost immediately responded to the kiss by desperately chasing Junseo’s lips with his own, catching him off guard. He hadn’t expected Xinlong to reciprocate so fast, and with such fervor too, but the feeling was not unwelcomed.
Junseo recovered from the initial shock quickly, melting into the kiss. Xinlong’s hand travelled up to his neck, pulling him in closer. They fell into a soft rhythm, their lips in a tender, yet almost urgent dance.
Xinlong felt enchanted, like a fisherman being called to sea by a siren. Except, the siren in question was his own boyfriend and he was beyond saving.
Junseo’s soft lips against his own was captivating—hypnotizing even—the taste of cherry chapstick overwhelming all his senses, intoxicating him and reeling him in. He couldn’t get enough.
His hyung seemed to share the sentiment, not once breaking away, not even for air. The want from both sides was extremely evident, almost akin to hunger, but something softer, something more…them.
They continued like this, breaths mingling, hearts hammering, every touch electrified. Junseo's hands were now clutching onto Xinlong’s hair, tugging softly, yet carefully enough to not hurt him. Their lips were still locked in a long, soft yet also passionate kiss, enough to make them forget the world around them.
Soon enough however, the moment broke and they had to break away for air, physically not able to keep going any longer. They reluctantly pulled apart.
Junseo’s eyes fluttered open first, vision still blurry around the edges. His hands fell to his side, chest heaving while he fought to catch his breath.
Xinlong looked to be in an even worse state than him. Pupils were blown wide, staggering for a second as he reached out, gripping onto Junseo’s shirt for support. Shaky exhales left his body, his forehead settling on Junseo’s shoulder as he tried to come back from the high of it all.
Junseo was still a little disoriented as well, the world coming back to him in bits and pieces.
A comfortable silence fell between them.
Xinlong seemed to recover first, picking his forehead up from where it was resting Junseo’s shoulder, finally feeling grounded enough to meet his hyung’s eyes. The giddiness that had fixed itself in between his ribcage felt more intense than ever before.
As their eyes met, Xinlong’s breath hitched, a look of pure and unfiltered affection passed between them. A sudden warmth swelled in Junseo’s chest, Xinlong still looked so bleary eyed and dazed. The sight was so extremely endearing.
Xinlong was the first to break the silence, “Hyung?” A breathless question dripping past his lips.
Junseo’s hand rose in response, gently cupping Xinlong’s face. “Yes, Long-ah?” He replied, the pad of his thumb softly caressed his cheek. A sort of reassurance.
Xinlong looked a bit hesitant, like he was still unsure if everything was real—like he couldn’t believe everything that had transpired.
Still, he brought their foreheads together, Junseo’s warm skin against his own seemingly being the only confirmation he needed.
“Was that..” A pause, “okay?” Xinlong asked tentatively. Eyes wide with expectancy.
Junseo looked at him, pure adornment sparkling in his eyes. The fact that Xinlong was still worried, despite probably giving him one of the best kisses of his life, endeared him.
Junseo broke into a bright smile, “It was more than okay Xinlong-ah.” he replied, briskly. He never thought his heart could feel this full of love. That was, until he met Xinlong.
Seeing Junseo smiling so brightly, Xinlong’s entire world lit up. He felt at ease now with his hyung’s reassurance, his face preening with delight.
Tucking a stray hair from Junseo’s face behind his ear. Xinlong felt the sudden, and overwhelming, urge to kiss him again. This time, with him initiating it.
So, cupping his hyung’s face, he did just that. Their lips locking into a kiss that felt like home.