Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was another beautiful day in Savannah Central; the city’s climate-control system surely helped with that, but the citizens would not complain. Funding that system to keep Zootopia a utopia was a tax they were more than willing to pay, contingent that the politicians running things weren’t seeking to sow the seeds of division and hate among the populace with the intent to subjugate a sizable fraction of the population.

To an out-of-towner, that might seem like an odd thing to say, but it was a distinction Zootopia lifers had to make because such a thing had actually happened not too long ago. That is to say, some mammals in power had been seeking to cause bigoted chaos -- while they succeeded to a certain extent, they didn’t get nearly as far as they had wanted. And it was all thanks to the unlikeliest of duos.

After busting open another huge case involving a trapeze artist and a toaster factory and highly illegal chocolate pudding, Chief Bogo had granted Officers Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde a sabbatical. While they planned to spend much of that away from the hustle and bustle of the city, before they made that voyage, they wanted to take some of that fine city in; they hadn’t poured all effort into making Zootopia a wonderful place to live just to never enjoy the fruits of their labor. At present, they were electing to spend some time at Pawley Park, having pleasant conversations with the mammals they had sworn to protect -- and were doing a pretty good job of protecting. Said mammals were overjoyed to meet them, and even as Nick and Judy donned their civilian duds, the citizenry would recognize them from a mile away.

It’s not every day that a cop becomes a celebrity, let alone two cops, let alone in a city the size of Zootopia. So neither the rabbit nor the fox would have ever imagined in a million years that that’s who they’d become to their city. But with a job well done in putting a mad flock of sheep in prison, celebrity had more or less been thrust upon them.

And that was totally fine by them. Judy had always sought to be someone who protected her community, so to have that community approach her and express their gratitude and tell her she was doing an amazing job? Oh, if that was the spotlight, she would never shy away from it. The only way she could truly know she was succeeding in her noble endeavor was if the mammals she vowed to help told her so, and well, here they were. As for Nick, on the one paw, he was a mammals’ mammal, that fox could get along with just about anybody and have a ball doing so. But there was also that side of him that deeply valued the positive feedback from the public he served; after spending so much of his life living as he felt forced to, joining the ZPD was a choice that he had made, and hearing strangers tell him that he’d made the right choice gave him the confidence to finally feel like he was making the world a better place by being in it.

It was the tail end of most mammals’ lunch hours when the fox and bunny had decided to sit down at a park table and play some chess, their luggage bags tucked underneath. They joked that they must have been doing an amazing job of preventing crime because none of the pieces were missing. Nick took black, Judy took white, and the battle began. Many plastic soldiers gave their lives in that war of attrition, which waged on and on between two formidable opponents without any sign of stopping.

“...Y’know…” Judy mused as she pondered her next move, “...I admit, I never would have pegged you as a good chess player.”

“...And what, pray tell, is that supposed to mean?” Nick asked jocularly as he donned his famous vulpine smirk; if he was truly offended by her remark, not a soul would be able to tell from that face. “You mean to tell me you think Mister Dumb Fox is a fox who’s dumb? Inconceivable!”

She chuckled helplessly as she moved one of her last remaining pawns. “Oh, Nick, you know I didn’t mean it like that… just that, y’know, chess doesn’t seem like much of a street hustler’s game, now does it?”

“Au contraire, Madame Lapine!” he retorted. “When you run in the streets, life is a game of chess! And I may or may not have struck some, uh, business deals, ahem… at this very table, in this very park…”

Tap, tap, tap. And his knight swallowed her pawn.

“...playing with this very chess set.”

The bunny was too impressed by his move to be annoyed about being outfoxed. “Hm. Point taken! What kind of business, Slick?”

She’d called him Slick. That was his cue to slouch in his seat, fold his arms behind his head, and look cool as a cucumber. “Why would I answer that question?”

Another chuckle from Judy, this time a small one out her nose. “Because you trust me.”

He shrugged one shoulder as his teeth peeked through his smirk. “Maybe I do… maybe I trust you to be dutiful to a fault.”

“What, you think I’d tattle on you?”

“Ah, I’d use a more sophisticated word, like… squeal.”

They both devolved into a contagious case of the giggles. When those passed in time, they just sat there for a moment, enjoying each other’s presence. They just about forgot they were playing a game.

“...Gosh, I can’t tell you why, but I’ve got a feeling that today’s gonna be a big day,” Judy mused.

“Well, duh, travel days usually are,” Nick teased.

“Heh, this is true! But… I dunno, I feel like it’s gonna be something more eventful than just you meeting my parents.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What, is this some bunny voodoo premonition thing that I don’t know about?”

“No, no, it’s… totally unscientific, totally a hunch, just… a feeling I’ve had since I woke up. Like something… well, big is gonna happen today.”

The fox waited patiently for more information, just to throw his paws up when it never came. “Well, ya gotta give me more nuts and bolts than just that!” he pressed, jovially but insistently. “‘Big’ in what way? Like, something big happening to you, to us, to… to the world, what?”

Alas, the rabbit seemed stumped by her own statement. “I… that’s just the thing, I don’t have any details that I’m, like, withholding from you or anything, I just… just an overwhelming feeling that won’t go away. I… I can see it being big in a bunch of different ways!” She shrugged. “What, do you never just get a feeling you can’t put into words? Like intuition?”

Nick’s smirk intensified to critical levels. “...I have a feeling that it’s your turn,” he remarked as he pointed a claw at the chess board.

Judy looked down and remembered that they were here to symbolically wipe each other off the map. She looked back up and gave him a determined look that could rival his own.

“You know, Nick… you sure are one of the most self-confident mammals I’ve ever met.”

“Aw, I know I am! But…” He sat back up. “...what exactly makes you say that?”

“Because you know you’re a clever fox who’s darn good at chess and won’t be convinced otherwise, even if…”

Tap, tap, tap… tap tap tap… taptaptaptap.

“...someone else just happens to be even better.”

The fox jerked forward and leaned in to take a look at the board. The rabbit had just pulled a move that never would have crossed his mind, and his king was cornered in every conceivable direction.

“Checkmate!” Judy beamed.

“How the--?”

Nick was interrupted by the obnoxious chime of the alarm on his phone, intentionally set at the most annoying volume possible so they couldn’t miss it if they tried.

“And on that bombshell, we should be headed to the station now!” he beamed as he swept his arm across the table to knock all the pieces over. He stood and hunched over to retrieve their bags. “Ight, let’s rock ‘n’ roll!”

“Hooold on there, sly one,” she scolded him playfully. “We should really set an example by at least putting the pieces back,” the bunny said as she began doing exactly that.

Oh yeah, he was supposed to be a law-abiding citizen now; sometimes he forgot, old habits and all that.

“Ah, alright, alright…” he pretended to mope as he sat back down and helped organize the pieces in their case. “Oughta put some good karma out there so that the ‘big thing’ Carrots the Clairvoyant foresaw won’t be something bad. God, I hope you weren’t forecasting a train crash.”

“Oh, Nick, don’t be so morbid!” Judy scolded again, less playfully this time.

“Hey, hey, I said I hope there isn’t a train crash, it’d be morbid if I said I wanted one!” he noted, finger in the air. “If I really wanted to be morbid, I’d make a joke that if a rabbit’s having visions of disaster, it’s a good thing we’re traveling by train and not by watership! But I’m a changed fox…” he trailed off, giving the bunny an irresistible smirk.

“Ah, I know you are, Slick,” she said with a light chuckle. “But I never did say I felt there would necessarily be a disaster.”

Whatever this ‘big thing’ was, it didn’t happen during the journey to Central Station, which was thankfully uneventful. They found their line and joined it, the mammals in line ahead of them coyly pretending not to know who they were before Nick and Judy made the first move and introduced themselves, much to their fellow citizens’ elation. But then there was the matter of those who fell in line behind them.

“Mommy, Mommy, look!”

The officers were startled for a moment, but were soon at ease when they realized it was simply a little girl exclaiming in excitement, not in alarm. A moment after that, however, they had to reset their mental images of this child as the girl and her mom turned out to not be so little.

“Natasha, don’t bother them!” the giraffe woman chided her daughter as they took their places in the line behind the fox and bunny. One could see on the mother’s face -- if they could see her face all the way up there -- that she bashfully wanted to meet the famous cops as well. “Heh, I am so sorry--!”

“Oh, no, it’s quite alright!” Judy insisted warmly. “We love meeting fans!”

“And what a fan she is! Now, Natasha, introduce yourself nicely.”

“Um -- hi, I’m Natasha. I’m your biggest fan!” the giraffe girl greeted brightly after finding her courage.

“Hi, Natasha, I’m Judy,” the rabbit said as she jumped to give the child a high-five.

“And you can call me Nick, Natasha,” the fox added as he gave her a high-five of his own. “Tell us, tell us, what do you like about us so much?”

Natasha felt like she was doing show-and-tell in school. “Uh… you two keep the city safe… and you didn’t let the predators get hurt so I can still play with all my friends… and I wanna be like you when I grow up and… you’re so cute!”

Like a switch had been flipped, Judy went from overjoyed to visibly flinching at that word. “...Oh.”

“Natasha!” the girl’s mother scolded under her breath as she craned her neck down to her daughter’s level. “What did I tell you about calling bunnies ‘cute’!?”

“No, no, ma’am, I… don’t, don’t worry, she’s just a child, she didn’t know!”

“Hey, if it makes you feel better, Carrots,” the fox piped up slyly, “don’t be so sure she was talking about you!”

Aw, heck, that got the rabbit giggling again.

“Can I ask a question?” Natasha asked. “My friends and me have a question about you two.”

“Well, of course, young lady, what can we answer for you?” Nick replied kindly.

The giraffe girl seemed anxious again, but mustered the nerve to get the bat off her shoulder. “So… uhhh… are you two just friends, or, um, do you two kiss!?”

The child had outdone herself, and now both cops were visibly uncomfortable. As were the others in line around them.

“NATASHA!” her mother repeated, louder this time. “That is not something you ask grown-ups, young lady!”

“I’m sorry…” Natasha whimpered.

“No, no, ma’am, it’s… it’s fine!” Judy insisted, coming to the little girl’s aid. “She didn’t know, and, uh… let’s just call this a teaching moment!”

“And besides,” added Nick, “we get that question from grown-ups all the time!”

The giraffe woman couldn’t help but be intrigued. “They… they do? Well, um, uh… this, uh, this is none of my business of course, but, uhhh… long as we’re on the topic, I… am kinda curious myself!”

That was not the way either officer expected this diffusion tactic to go. They were just trying to excuse the poor curious child, but the look on the mom’s face made it clear that she was anticipating an answer -- to say nothing of the wide-eyed look on Natasha’s face. And even as they snuck a glance at one another, they could see in their periphery that their neighbors in line were hanging on their next words as well. Pardon the expression, but they weren’t weaseling their way out of this one.

So a weasel weaseled them out instead.

“Tickets, please!” the mustelid railroad employee announced as he made his way down the line with an electronic scanner. “Track 11, to Podunk, Bunnyburrow, and points beyond!”

As he scanned the tickets of the mammals in front of them, the three adults forgot what they were talking about as they remembered where they were.

“Oh, yeah,” the giraffe mom murmured as she pulled her phone out. “We should probably… get those ready.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Nick nodded distantly, pulling his own phone out, “uh… good idea.”

“Do you have them both, Nick?” asked Judy.

“Yeah, I… I got ‘em.”

“Tickets, please?” asked the employee as he approached.

The fox held his phone up. “Alright, so here’s the first one…”

“...But I wanna know if they’re boyfriend and girlfriend!” Natasha protested.

“Natasha, no…” her mother chided.

“Uh…” the employee began when the scanner didn’t chime, “you might need to… turn the brightness up…”

“Alright, I can try…” Nick mumbled as he fiddled with his settings. “Sorry, heh, night-vision eyes…”

“I wanna know, I wanna know!” Natasha chanted, jumping in place.

“Natasha, I need you to act like a big girl…” said her mother.

“Wait…” the employee said to Nick, “I’m sorry, sir, is this a screenshot?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry, dude, we don’t take screenshots, it needs to be in the app with the little… floaty thing going across the screen.”

“Wait, why?”

“Security measure so mammals aren’t duplicating them…”

“Uh… okay, gimme a sec…” Nick tapped away on his screen.

“Are you two gonna get married!?” Natasha screeched as she craned her neck over the officers, effortlessly ignoring her as their minds were simply elsewhere.

“Natasha!” her mother warned through clenched teeth.

The fox groaned and rolled his eyes. “Okay, that’s not my password… or do I need the… ‘@zmail.com’ in the username part--?”

“Hold on, I… I think you forwarded it to me,” Judy muttered as she pulled out her own phone.

“WHY WON’T YOU ANSWER ME!?” Natasha moaned at the top of her lungs, getting the attention of everybody in the station except the three mammals right in front of them.

“YOUNG LADY!” her mother barked, lamenting their stature that made them stand out even more. “You are so grounded when we get to grandma’s house!”

Judy held her phone up and the weasel scanned it.

Da-ding!

She swiped to the other ticket.

Da-ding!

“Sly bunny,” remarked the fox under his breath.

“Dumb fox,” remarked the bunny under hers.

“Alright, thank you--” The employee’s words caught in his throat when he saw the names associated with the tickets pop up on his scanner’s screen. “Wait… Hopps and Wilde?”

“The very same,” Nick said with a winning smirk.

“A pleasure to meet you,” Judy added sweetly, assuming this was another fan, albeit one who thought they were just another fox and rabbit before he read their names.

But the weasel wasn’t starstruck, he was spooked. “H-hold on a second.” He turned and called down the line. “Hey, Brian!?”

Now the officers were confused. “Is… is everything alright?” asked Judy.

“Oh, yeahyeah, I just gotta… get my manager over here. BRIAN!” He hollered again, paws cupped around his mouth to project louder.

Perplexed, the duo just stood there until this mysterious Brian showed up. A few moments later, a white wolf waltzed over, looking none the wiser himself.

“What’s up, Chris?” asked the manager.

“Found our VIPs,” the weasel said, gesturing to the pair.

“VIPs?” asked Nick.

“No, no…” Judy stammered, worried for a moment they had paid more money than they needed to. “We just paid for regular coach tickets--”

“Oh, we know, you’ve done nothing wrong,” Brian insisted, then lifted the rope between the stanchions demarcating the line. “Quite the contrary, you’ve done quite a bit right! Please, follow me!”

Nick and Judy had no idea what was going on, but this seemed like good news. They left the line and followed the manager while Chris checked in the giraffes.

“Does this mean we won’t sit next to them on the train?” Natasha whined.

“Hallelujah…” the fox spat under his breath, the bunny nodding along.

The officers soon found themselves walking down the platform towards the end of their train. Brian waited until they were out of earshot of anybody else before explaining what was up.

“So… you folks know Gazelle?” the wolf asked.

Their eyes went wide.

“Of-of course we do!” answered Judy. “We’re huge fans of hers!”

“Well, she’s huge fans of you, too. So, y’know how she’s big into environmentalism?”

“Among other activisms, but yeah,” Nick nodded skeptically.

“Wouldn’t you know it, traveling by train is better for ecology and such than flying! As such, she’s been in talks with our railway to roll out…Gabooses!”

“Gabooses?” Judy winced.

“Gesundheit,” Nick quipped.

“Gazelle cabooses,” explained the wolf, “luxury private cabooses meant to encourage long-distance rail travel for those with enough money to be trendsetters. Now -- we didn’t get to talk to her directly, but her team told us that she was gonna inaugurate it herself… before she found out that rail travel cross-country is… well, kinda slow, heh. But apparently… word got around on social media that you two were traveling to Bunnyburrow for a little vacation!”

The fox and bunny exchanged glances. Yeah, they each had follower counts in the five digits these days, it wasn’t inconceivable that Gazelle heard from someone who’d heard from someone who’d seen them post about them visiting the Hopps farm for a weekend.

“So… she’s letting us ride it?” asked Nick cautiously.

“Like I said, she’s a fan of you two,” the wolf smiled. “At least that’s what her PR person insisted on the phone -- as they put it, from one celebrity to two others, Gazelle thought you two would appreciate some time out of the spotlight.”

Their faces lit up. They loved hearing from the public, but… yeah, it was gonna be a long journey in a confined space, and while the point of visiting the farm was to get away for a while, the encounter with the giraffes had them both in the mood to have some privacy sooner rather than later.

“And… there’s no strings attached?” Judy asked. “We don’t have to do anything, we just… get to ride in it?”

“That’s what her team told us,” Brian reiterated. “As long as you don’t trash the thing, it’s yours from here to Bunnyburrow Station.”

The officers shared giddy looks. “Carrots, call it a hunch, but I thiiink this might be the ‘big thing’ you saw coming today!”

They reached the end of the line of passenger cars, and sure enough, there at the end was a hot pink caboose that outwardly looked like they’d just stolen it from a railroad museum and painted it. The wolf employee produced a stepstool and helped the smaller mammals board through the rear door, where they saw just how opulent it really was. There were a half-dozen excessively-padded seats, all reclinable and adjustable for species of all sizes. TV screens, a sound system, a bookshelf, a minifridge, and if the passengers just wanted to take a nap, sun curtains on every window and a shelf of light blankets and pillows.

“This is amazing!” Judy gushed as she spun around the Gaboose.

“Didn’t realize there was a level above first class!” Nick joked as he collapsed into the first seat he saw, sinking into its cushions like quicksand -- not that he’d protest. “Oh, God, if there’s still a derailment on the horizon, this wouldn’t be the worst chair to die in!”

“Oh, don’t you get too comfy! We need to start writing Gazelle a thank-you letter before we forget!”

“Her team already told us there’s no need,” Brian said warmly. “The pleasure is hers; if anything, she says thank you.”

“Man, she really is an angel with horns, ain’t she?” the fox mused. “Benny is gonna be so jealous when we tell him!”

It felt so wrong, but the bunny couldn’t help but smile. Alright, alright, she’d put her small-town manners in her pocket this time and forgo the thank-you letter, and instead she’d just enjoy the here and now. And what a here and now it was! It almost seemed too good to be true, but she knew it was right to trust that gut feeling she’d woken up with.

The railway employee was making his way out, but not before pointing to the door at the opposite end. “And if you wanna go explore the rest of the train -- hit up the observation car or just, y’know, use the bathroom, heh heh -- that door opens from the inside, so you can go out but the other passengers can’t bug you. It’ll scan your ticket to get back in, and if there’s any trouble, just find an on-board employee, they’ll have a skeleton key. Alright! We just need to finish boarding the plebians, and we’re looking to leave on schedule! You both enjoy the ride!”

“Thank you so much!” Judy beamed as she waved at the departing wolf. “We definitely will!”

“...One minor annoyance, though,” Nick spoke up as soon as the door had clicked behind the employee. “I was gonna tell Clawhauser right now, but I’m not getting any bars in here.”

Curious, the bunny checked her own phone. Nope, no signal. “Ah, not the weirdest thing, we’re kinda underground right now, aren’t we? I’m sure we’ll get service once we’re moving.” With that, she got herself situated in a seat opposite Nick. “...Sweet cheese and crackers, this is a comfy seat!”

“I know, right!?” the fox yipped. “So, you wanna see what’s on the tube? You see a remote or anything?”

“I don’t, but… honestly, if it’s alright, I kinda just wanna doze off for a little bit. I mean, we’ve got two hundred and eleven miles ahead of us, and… hey, I love my family, but there’s a lot of bunnies in that house, a lotta young bunnies. This might be the best sleep we get all weekend!”

“Hm! Good point, good point…” Nick nodded. “...By the way, do you actually have two hundred and seventy-five siblings, or is that just an oddly specific family inside-joke?”

“You can count them yourself when you’re there,” the bunny answered with a wink in her voice. “A lot of them still live with Mom and Dad.”

“Pfft, in this economy, I’m not judging. Still less embarrassing than living in a van down by the river--”

The car suddenly jerked. They looked out the window as the station scenery slid past; they were moving. And right on cue, the media screens flickered on and the sound system crackled with life. In tandem, they showed their passengers the music video for Gazelle’s signature song:

(Ohhh-oh, ohhh-oh, oh…!)

(Ohhh-oh, ohhh-oh, oh…!)

I messed up toniiiiight, I lost anooother fiiight…

“It’s our song!” Judy squealed.

“Our song?” Nick guffawed. “I didn’t realize the Gaboose experience came with the intellectual property to this song!”

And as much as the energy of the tune made them want to get up and dance, the familiarity and comfort that it provided outweighed those urges, and by the second verse, they each had their eyes closed.

They woke up within moments of each other, jostled by the train rocking like a ship on the ocean. That was to say nothing of the sound of the wheels on the rails having gotten loud enough to render sleep a challenge. Groggy, neither of them thought about it for a bit, watching the TV screens until they were fully aroused. It was playing the “Try Everything” music video again, and was just about reaching its end. The screen faded to black and the song was extinguished. Then it came back.

Ohhh-oh, ohhh-oh, oh…!

Ohhh-oh, ohhh-oh, oh…!

I messed up toniiiiight, I lost anooother fiiight…

“...Was it just playing that on loop this whole time?” asked the fox.

“I… guess so?” the bunny surmised.

“Is there a remote to change the channel?” Nick asked as he stood from his seat -- just to immediately stumble when the Gaboose rocked him off his feet. “Mmph!”

“Nick, be careful.”

“No, this is good, maybe the remote rolled under one of these seats.” Knees on the ground, the night-visioned vulpine checked the dark crevices under each of the chairs. “Uhhh… nope. Not down here. Or is there a button on the armrests like on an airplane?”

“I… think there might not be a way of controlling it,” Judy ventured. “I think it might just be… the ambiance she chose. For the aesthetic.”

“Well, that’s stupid!” the fox scoffed as he shakily got to his feet, grabbing onto his chair for dear life to steady him. As he did, he couldn’t help but notice the train breeze by a station, a gaggle of befuddled passengers staring agape as they sped by. “Heh, but not as stupid as those poor saps not realizing this is the Express!”

“This… isn’t the Express, though,” said the rabbit. “A-at least… I don’t remember buying Express tickets, I thought that only ran during rush hour.”

Nick involuntarily fell back into his seat, wincing just a bit as he landed on his tail funny. “Well, pardon my ignorance, Judy, but I’ve never exactly needed to take a train to Bunnyburrow! Next you’re gonna tell me the train shouldn’t be going this fast.”

“It shouldn’t.” That was the most confident thing she’d said since waking up. The Express she’d taken into Zootopia wasn’t barrelling down the tracks this rapidly, she would have remembered being on the verge of motion sickness. But Judy Hopps was not one to just sit around without investigating a peculiarity. She slid out of her seat. “Lemme go-- MMPH!” She fell, then stood again. “...Lemme go ask someone.”

She got to the door that connected to the rest of the train and fiddled with the handle. Then she kept fiddling with it.

“...Nick?”

“Yes’m.”

“Alright, you’re gonna say ‘dumb bunny,’ I’m gonna say ‘sly fox,’ it’ll be very C-U-T-E, yadda yadda yadda. With that out of the way… help me open this thing, would ya?”

Carefully, Nick stood and made his way over; it was hard to break into his trademark swagger with the floor this shaky. “Tsk, tsk, tsk, don’t they teach you how to read in Bunnyburrow Public Schools?” he teased as he pointed to the instructions posted on the door. “You press the button and you pull the--”

The handle wouldn’t budge.

“...and you pull the--”

He tugged harder, it still wouldn’t budge.

“...Welp. Son of a gun. Ah, well, why work harder when you can work smarter?” the fox smirked as he pulled his phone out. “Lemme just give customer service a ring aaaaand I still have no bars out here.”

“Well, we are in the middle of nowhere right now,” the bunny reasoned, though that didn’t make her feel much better either.

Not wanting to show how stuck he felt, Nick looked forlornly out the door’s window at the door of the car ahead of them. “Is this a bad time to mention I kinda need to use the little kits’ room--?”

Funny he should say that. Because just as he did, the door to the adjacent car swung open, and a deer doe soon filled its opening. She looked panicked, like she’d just chosen flight over fight. But when she opened that door, she saw into the window of the Gaboose, and saw the famous fox and bunny staring back at her. Pardon the expression, but she looked like she was caught in a pair of headlights.

Even over the noise of the train and through the closed door, they could hear her scream at the top of her lungs as she let go of the door and ran back into the car. In the split second before the door shut itself, the officers could see she was far from the only frantic passenger. That car looked like a madhouse.

“...Nick, something isn’t right here,” Judy stated dutifully.

“Obviously,” Nick scoffed. “But… call me unimaginative, but I’m drawing a blank on what to do here!”

Judy looked around for something, anything. And she found it rather quickly, actually. It was the rear door that they’d entered from. She ran over (stumbling here and there) and read the posted instructions; yup, exactly the same, press the button and pull the handle. She did as she was told; the only reason it gave her any trouble was because of the swaying of the train.

Nick turned when he heard the increased volume from the door being opened. Judy shut it again to talk to him: “We’re not idiots. This door is opening just fine, that one is stuck.”

His jaw went slack. “Okay? What do you want me to do with this information!? Are you proposing we jump out of the train to save ourselves?”

The thought was so selfish that she cringed. “What!? No! I’m proposing we use the exit and climb the train on the outside to save everyone else! These mammals clearly need our help!”

“Yeah, that’s more like the Carrots I know. One thing though! That’s also a crazy idea!”

“Nick, we swung from a vine over a giant canyon before, remember!?”

“Yeah, but we didn’t want to! If we’re gonna play Action Heroes and climb the outside of the train, hell, why not instead of going in the opposite direction, we at least use the roof hatch!?”

Judy looked up. There was indeed a roof hatch there.

“Huh… hadn’t noticed that. Sly fox?”

“Unobservant bunny!”

“Nick, Nick, calm down, that’s a good idea too! I just don’t know… how easy it’ll be to get up there…” Indeed, the Gaboose was designed so all species could enjoy it, hence a rather high ceiling.

“OR! Again! We can work smarter than harder!” the fox gestured at the stuck door. “It might be jammed now, but do you really think we’re not smarter than an inanimate object!? And hey, for all we know, in two more minutes, we might have cell service and might be able to call the Chief!”

“We might not have two minutes, there’s an emergency happening now!”

“And what’ll that matter if we get ourselves killed in the next two minutes trying to climb the roof of a moving train, Judy!?”

…Aw, H-E-double-carrot-sticks, he was making sense. She composed herself for a moment to say the most important thing she could:

“Listen… whatever we do, we’re gonna hafta be on the same page, agree on our decisions, and work as a unit. Agreed?”

The fox pursed his lips and nodded. “Agreed. So… your gut was right about something big happening today -- what’s it telling you is the move now?”

Oh, no! Whatever will Nick and Judy do? Well, dear reader, that’s where YOU come in! Help them make a decision, and remember, your choices will affect the story!

To have them escape the Gaboose via the back door, turn to Chapter 2!

To have them try busting down the main door again, turn to Chapter 3!

And to have them bide their time in the Gaboose in hopes of a better option, turn to Chapter 4!

Remember, you and you alone are now solely responsible for if Nick, Judy, and all the passengers on the train live or die! Isn’t that fun!? But even more importantly, remember to have fun! Happy reading, critters!

Chapter Text

Judy gulped. “My gut is telling me… well, a lotta things. For one… we might be smarter than an inanimate object, but that means we’re smart enough to know that that door is not opening no matter how hard we try,” she said as she pointed to the jammed door, then to the ceiling. “That said, I don’t know how we’re getting up there, not with this train shaking like this. Even if there’s anything in here that isn’t bolted down that we can stack, I can already see it collapsing before we can undo the hatch, and we’re no good to anybody with broken arms or legs.”

“Or necks,” Nick quipped bitterly. “So… you’re saying either the back door or hope to hell we find a signal.”

“Nick… this is my part of the country,” the bunny said gravely as she gestured out the window to the vast rural emptiness rolling past them. “There’s not gonna magically be a signal. My family still has a landline at home. And they use it often.”

The fox took a deep breath through his nose as he looked about their surroundings one last time. “And we can’t do nothing.”

“That’s not why we wear the badge.”

“...I mean, we’re not in our jurisdiction, but eh, who’s counting?” He stood gingerly, paws gripping the armrest of his seat. “Alright, back door it is then.”

“Great,” Judy said as she likewise stood tepidly. “Here goes nothing--”

“Whoa, whoa, hold up just a second -- gimme a sec first.”

Her face scrunched in confusion. “...A sec for what?”

“A sec to go out behind the Gaboose by myself first.”

She scrunched her face harder. “Why would you need to--!?”

“Carrots, I told you I needed to pee!”

Judy shuddered so violently that she almost fell over. “What, so you’re just gonna whiz off the back of the train!?”

“Why not!?” Nick countered. “We’re better off with our limbs not broken, we’re better off with me not running around with pissed pants, it’s the same thing--!”

“Nick, that is disgusting--!”

“Yes, being a guy is disgusting. Your Nobull Prize for Science is in the mail. But I’ll play Action Hero with you going out the back door, contingent that I get to do this first.” Without waiting for further permission, he wobbled his way to the back and placed a paw on the exit’s door handle, but before he pulled it, he looked back at her. “...Unless you wanna join me,” he said with a faux cocky smirk.

Forgive her, but Judy found herself snorting at that. Ah, even under extraneous circumstances, Nick had the instinct to make clever remarks at every opportunity.

“I think I’ll pass,” she chuckled as she sat back down. Might as well enjoy this comfy chair for a few more minutes, right? She heard the door click as Nick stepped out -- then she heard “Try Everything” play again.

Ohhh-oh, ohhh-oh, oh…!

Oh, Nick, please be quick, the bunny thought to herself, I’m starting to not totally love this song anymore.

On the back platform, Nick didn’t let go of the door until he had another paw on the rear railing. Once he had a steady grip, he spread his feet for balance. On either side of him was a set of steps down to the rocky railbeds below, and out in front of him was a set of tracks stretching to the vacant horizon. There was nobody around for miles.

To be as careful as possible, he hooked an arm around the railing before undoing his fly -- and a good thing he did, because he almost lost his balance as the train had a particularly nasty shockwave. But in due time, he was in position to depressurize, making a point to aim away from the rails just in case; he didn’t know if this train was electrified, but he wasn’t taking any chances. Alright, here goes. Argh, how could something so uncouth feel so good…

And that’s precisely when his phone started buzzing in his pocket.

The fox’s eyes went wide. Wait, what, now he was getting a signal at the most inconvenient time conceivable!? Well, a big part of their predicament was a lack of bars rendering them dead to the modern world, he couldn’t let this opportunity slip by. He swore, if he answered and it was just someone calling to extend his nonexistent car’s extended warranty…

There was a problem, however. Nick was not an octopus. He only had two paws; his right was presently holding onto the railing of this rickety thing for dear life, and his left was holding… um… wait, what’s this story’s rating again? Well, look, it doesn’t matter; point is, that paw was also occupied holding something that wasn’t ready to be put away yet. No, seriously, he really needed to pee. And he wasn’t going to be able to fish it out with his feet.

His device kept taunting him as it buzzed in his right pocket; he probably wouldn’t have a free paw until it went to voicemail. But what was he going to do, just let this chance to contact the outside world slip him by?

What’s Nick going to do??

To have him try to grab the phone with his right paw that’s gripping the railing, turn to Chapter 9!

To have him try to grab the phone with his left paw that’s currently holding his… yeah, turn to Chapter 7!

Or, to have him wait until he’s done to grab the phone, turn to Chapter 11!

Chapter Text

Judy suddenly remembered that the police academy taught her to be a totally awesome martial artist, so she can easily kick that door open.

“Nick, I’m going to need some space,” she said as she walked back a few paces.

“Judy, what are you…???” Nick gave a face palm when he realized what Judy was going to do. “Don’t be an idiot and kick down that metal door.”

“Why? I kicked a rhino down before, this should be no different.”

“Well it is Judy, because this door is locked.” Nick went up to the door and tried to wiggle it open to no avail. “See? Locked. These fancy train engineers probably made it so that nothing can get past locked doors.”

“But there is literally no other option, kicking down the door is the one way we’ll stop this train and get down to the bottom of this.”

“I don’t believe that for a second. I’m sure there were at least two even better options you came up with in that cute little brain of yours.”

“First off, don’t call my brain cute. Secondly, I did think of either trying the backdoor or just sitting here, but I thought that the backdoor could be locked too and that sitting here would be pretty pointless. So instead, I decided the only possible way of getting out of this car was kicking that door down. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need you to make room so I can get us out of here.”

Nick sighed, “Let’s try the backdoor first.”

“Come on! I already made my decision.”

“Well, I’m making mine, and my decision is to try all other possible outcomes before damaging my foot.” Suddenly the Gaboose shook and flung Nick Wilde across the floor, landing him far away from the backdoor and closer to Judy.

“Seems destiny agrees with me. We’re kicking the door down.”

Nick shaked dust off of his shirt as he got up. “Carrots, that was not destiny, that was something we in the industry like to call ‘bumps in the road.’ I’ll be walking to the backdoor again, and you better not be–”

Without warning, Judy ran up and kicked down one of the doors. Then, without missing a beat, she ran across the gap and kicked in the next door to the next coach. The train car beyond was silent. Not a single mammal was in there before Judy busted the door open.

Nick looked unimpressed, “...Kicking the door down.”

Judy jumped in joy as she exclaimed, “Come on, Nick! Let’s go!”

The two mammals walk around the empty car, there was no noise until Judy’s phone rang. Apparently, now that they had cellular reception, someone was trying to call her. “Who on Earth is this rando? I don’t recognize this number”

“I wouldn’t answer that if I were you. There are some weird people out there, I’m sure this random caller won’t be any different. Or maybe scam calls about car insurance. Either way, don’t answer.”

“But Nick, this rando could give us info about the train! They could be a passenger who saw what happened!”

“...or we can go with that, sure.”

Judy’s grey paws gripped her phone as she hovered between the “answer” button and the “decline” button. Which one shall she choose?

OPE! Quick decision! To answer the phone, turn to Chapter 5!

To ignore it, turn to Chapter 6!

Chapter Text

Judy took a deep breath. "I think the best move now is... nothing."

Nick blinked. "Wait, really? You sure you didn't hit your head during that shaking back there?"

She sighed. "Look, we don't know enough about the situation right now. Trying to bust out right away might be jumping the gun a bit. The last thing we'd want to do is make things worse by being reckless."

After a moment to mull it over, Nick gave a shrug. "Fair enough. But what do you propose we do instead? Surely, you don't want us to do literally nothing. Not that I'd be incapable of such a feat, buuuut..."

"No... no, we do have ways of finding out more info," she mused, glancing around the Gaboose. "Oh! There's one of those observation towers in here! We can climb up and see if we can spot anything."

Nick glanced over. "I guess that's true. Alright. I'll be the one to bite the bullet. Hopefully not literally."

He stepped over and scrambled up the ladder.

Judy peered up the shaft after him. "See anything?"

"Hang on! I think I see... Oh my god!"

"What?! What is it?" she asked, panicked.

"It's...! It's...!"

"Spit it out, Nick!"

"It's the top of the train! Sorry. Had to clean the window to make sure, so it took a sec to answer."

Judy facepawed. "Dumb fox..."

"Yeah, well at least we can rule out rooftop train bandits."

"What about non-rooftop train bandits?"

"Cannot yet confirm or deny."

"Alright, you can come down now."

Nick scurried back down the ladder, hopping to the floor once he was close enough. "I'll admit, I expected something more interesting too." His eyes suddenly lit up. "Wait! There's still something else we can try!"

Judy's ears shot up in kind. "Yes?!"

He whipped out his phone. "We have totally got to take a selfie of this place! Know what's better than telling Clawhauser about the Gaboose? Showing it off to him in person."

She thumped her foot and rolled her eyes. "Is that really the most productive use of our time?"

"Hey, you made your suggestion, this is mine. At least we'll get something out of this one."

Judy huffed in annoyance as Nick pulled her in. But just as the camera went off, her face lit up. "Wait! That's it!"

"Huh?" He gave her a look of confusion. "What's it?"

"Your phone!" Judy said excitedly. "The train has Wi-Fi, right? If we can connect, we could alert Chief Bogo!"

"I guess you're right." He opened the Wi-Fi menu to check it. "Signal seems pretty weak though."

"Come on, I grew up in the country. I'm sure I've seen worse. It's worth a shot, right?"

"Once again, fair enough. Wi-Fi connectivity, here we come!" He held the phone aloft and connected to the train's network.

Or tried to.

"...Oh wow, that really is not going through."

"Is there a progress bar or something?"

"No, just the spinning dots of doom."

“Ugh, I hate those dots.”

“Don’t we all.”

"Well, it has to get through eventually!" Judy insisted.

"Statistically, yes, but the question is, do we really wanna wait for that?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe..."

Maybe what? Nick and Judy have found a new solution, but can a train's Wi-Fi network really be trusted? Or should they fall back on one of the original plans? What do you think?

To have them escape the Gaboose via the back door, turn to Chapter 2!

To have them try busting down the main door again, turn to Chapter 3!

To insist on waiting around, turn to Chapter 8!

Chapter Text

Judy let out an excited squeal as she shoved her paw in her pocket. “Nick! I’ve got reception!”

“You do?” The fox, still holding his own phone, held it high and squinted at the screen. “What did you do to gain such favor with the reception gods?”

Judy pulled her phone out of her pocket as fast as she could. It buzzed in her paw as countless notifications came flooding in all at once. “The Gaboose must interfere with the signal,” she reasoned. She stared at the screen and quickly typed in her passcode, eager to finally reunite with the outside world.

“You think so?” Nick raised his arm above Judy’s head, sticking his phone out the door and into the open air. “You don’t really think it would be that–”

Immediately, his phone began to vibrate, and a cacophony of sounds came out of the speaker as message after message came pouring in. The sudden tones caught Nick off-guard, and he balked in startlement.

What happened next only took a second. Nick’s grip on his phone loosened, and it fumbled out of his paw. Before he could catch it, it bounced off of Judy’s head, which caused her to flinch in pain. This loosened her grip of her own phone, and Nick’s collided with it a split-second later, knocking it out of her paw and sending both of them careening down to the empty space between the cars below.

Nick’s phone fell between the cars and was lost in an instant to the tracks that flashed past. Judy’s, luckily, landed on the coupler that connected the Gaboose to the rest of the train. However, it hung over the coupler on one side, and it slowly started to slide the rest of the way off.

Judy dropped to the floor and reached out her arm to grab the phone. To her despair, she was just barely too short to reach all the way, and it seemed the more she stretched, the farther the phone slid away from her. Desperate, she leaned as much of her body over the side as she dared and stretched to her absolute limit.

The tips of her fingers touched the phone, but a second later, it slipped off the edge of the coupler and crashed into the tracks below.

Judy growled in frustration, angry at herself for losing the one thing that could help her and Nick figure out what was going on. Her frustration, however, was quickly replaced with panic, as she felt the floor slip away from her.

Or, rather, felt herself slip away from the floor.

She let out an involuntary yell and flailed her arms reflexively, desperately trying to find something to hold onto. That only made things worse, and she felt panic rise inside of her as her waist, then her thighs, and then finally her feet lost contact with the floor. She screamed, closed her eyes, and shielded her face, bracing herself for the impact that was sure to come.

But it never did come.

Several seconds passed, and Judy realized she was not dead. She cracked open one eye, and was both curious and relieved to find the tracks below a fair bit further away than she had remembered.

She also suddenly realized that there was a fair bit of pressure around her left ankle. She looked up–or was it down?–and discovered the answer to her question.

Nick was staring at her, upside-down from her perspective, a panicked look on his face. He was gripping her leg firmly with both arms, hugging it like a kit with his favorite stuffed animal. He was breathing heavily, and she was positive it was not because she was too heavy for him.

“Don’t scare me like that!” he demanded. He took several steps backwards, bringing her back inside the Gaboose, and lowered her safely onto the couch before sitting down beside her. “The last thing I want is for my Carrots to be chopped!”

Judy lay on the couch, her limbs suddenly feeling too weak from the adrenaline to support her weight. She let out a forced chuckle at his pun. “Well, it’s like that stupid song said…” She flashed a smile. “Try everything?”

Nick glared at her, unamused. Then he let out a giant sigh of sudden exhaustion, and leaned back on the couch to catch his breath. “Okay, well…” He patted her knee. “You’re okay.”

“I’m okay.” Judy patted his shoulder. “And you’re okay.”

“And I’m okay.” Nick stared at the ceiling. “But our phones…”

“Not okay. Definitely not okay.”

“Right. Coroner’s recommendation: closed-casket funeral.”

They did not have to say out loud what they both were thinking: without their phones, they were completely screwed. Someone had been responsible for locking them inside the Gaboose. Others had been trying to send them messages that never got through to them until they were out in the open. It couldn’t have been a coincidence.

Which meant, whatever was going on with this train, they needed to find out about it.

Judy set her jaw and sat up on the couch. “All right.” She stood up and locked eyes with Nick. “Looks like we’ve got a case to solve.”

“Yeah…” Nick groaned. “You know, I took time out of my PTO for this trip. I was hoping to, I don’t know, relax?”

Judy rolled her eyes. “You wanna stay here? Fine. Guess I’ll just go and see what’s going on by myself.”

Nick was on his feet before she had a chance to move a muscle. “Hey, now, if you think I’m going to let you out of my sight, you’ve got another thing coming.” He shot her a sly smile. “Besides, somebody needs to save your fluffy tail if you get in trouble again.”

Judy returned his smug grin with one of her own. “You’ve already done that, which means, according to the Law of Hippodius, you’re the one who will need to be rescued next!”

Nick shook his head. “My dear Ms. Hopps, I’m actually pretty sure that you’re thinking of the Law of Zoolybius.”

She narrowed her eyes playfully. “No, the Law of Zoolybius is the one that says the raccoon is always the first one to die in horror films.”

He blinked. “Isn’t that the Law of Elenarto?” He raised a paw. “Wait a minute…” He stuck his paw in a pocket, feeling around for his phone, but froze when he remembered where his phone was at that particular moment.

Judy might have felt triumphant, if only she did not currently wear the same expression as the fox. As much as she hated to admit it, she really wanted to know which one of them was right, and the fact that they could not readily look up the answer on their phone like they usually could bugged her.

“How did society function without smartphones for so long?” Nick mumbled.

“Good question…” Judy shook her head, ridding herself of her thoughts. Random trivia did not matter right now; there were more important things to worry about. She focused on the open door at the rear of the Gaboose and waved at Nick. “Come on. We’ve got work to do.”

The fox followed her back to the door, and they set their sights on their next obstacle: the second door in front of them, which led to the next car on the train. They carefully jumped over the gap between cars, stood in front of the door, and examined it closely.

“I don’t know, Carrots,” Nick groaned, his voice barely audible above the ambient noise of the train running across the tracks below them. “It took all we had to get through the last one, I don’t know if we can get past this.”

Judy’s eyes wandered around the edges of the door. This train car was a more standard passenger car. A simple rubber weather strip lined the door, helping to shield the inside from the elements and sealing the door itself shut. There were no fancy locks, just a standard door handle.

She pressed her paw to the handle and pushed down.

“You’re just gonna try it?” Nick asked. He smirked. “It would be so funny if–”

The door cracked open.

“It wasn’t even locked?!” Judy exclaimed.

Nick blankly stared straight ahead for several seconds. “It wasn’t as funny as I thought…”

Judy pulled the door closed before anyone inside could realize they were there. She held it shut and turned to Nick. “Okay. You ready?”

The fox crouched slightly, ready to either run straight inside or retreat back into the Gaboose at a moment’s notice. “Ready,” he confirmed.

Judy held her breath, mentally counted to three, and then threw the door open.

Only one way to go now, reader. Turn to Chapter 14.

Chapter Text

“You know what, that’s not important right now. What’s important is saving everyone.”

With her can-do attitude, Judy rushed over to the next car along with her buddy Nick to find the two giraffes from earlier. They tried to go past them, but the giraffes were blocking their way.

“Even now, you are ignoring me,” Natasha says.

“It’s nothing personal, it’s just that you put me and Nick in a really uncomfortable position back there. We can’t answer stuff like that.”

“A simple yes or no could’ve worked fine, now you have put your careers in jeopardy.” Natasha smirked as she looked up to her mom. “Mother, show them the ZNN.”

“Sure thing, daughter.” On the screen in the train car, a news broadcast played. They couldn’t hear any audio, but the captions on-screen below the broadcast read “Recent Judy and Nick sighting sparks conversation around interspecies relationships, and the possibility of them being in love.” It switched to an interview with a random citizen, with its subtitles reading “Personally I think the whole thing is disgusting. A rabbit and a fox in love? Outrageous! The city should ban such things.”

Judy’s purple eyes began to create tiny droplets as she looks back at the giraffes.

The mother looks down at Judy. “You want to make the world a better place? I do too. I want to create balance in this world, and that balance does not allow for interspecies mingling. By allowing my daughter to create that scene, you have started this conversation that will soon evolve to legislation. Legislation I will allow to become law for everyone to follow, once I become mayor. The election is coming up, and my campaign stands no chance in failure once I unite all mammals for one cause.”

“I won’t let you!” Judy yelled. “This whole thing is wrong. Every mammal should have the right to love who they want to love.”

“Freedom seems ideal, but freedom will end in our own destruction,” the mother says. “Our society has always been this way, why fix an already perfect system?”

When all hope seemed to be lost, Judy remembered something important. She had a platform, and she must use it. Pulling out her phone, Judy went live on Twitch, getting ready to expose this giraffe for her lies. But Natasha kicked her phone down to the ground, cracking it.

“What are you gonna do now, bunny? Ask for subs so you can pay for a new phone?” Natasha jeered as she stuck her tongue out at her.

Her mother looked over at an exit door. Taking Judy and Nick by the collars of their shirts, she opened the door and hung them above a huge cliff.

“What is it? Join us in our mission, or DIE?” The mother hollered against the wind.

“OH GOD!!! NICK, WHAT DO WE DO?!?!?”

“WHY DO YOU THINK I WOULD KNOW WHAT TO DO!?!”

“AREN’T YOU LIKE ENEMIES WITH THE MOB OR SOMETHING? SURELY YOU HAVE BEEN IN A SIMILAR SITUATION!!!”

Nick’s tail slowly raises to the air as he screams, “I HAVE NEVER BEEN DANGLED OFF THE EDGE OF A FLUFFING CLIFF BEFORE!!! YOU WERE ON A FARM, SURELY SOMEONE TRIED TO PUSH YOU OFF THE ROOF OF A BARN BEFORE!!!”

With his tail at her nose, the mother sniffed and coughed as she dropped Nick and Judy. The two police officers quickly held onto a ladder and climbed onto the roof of the train.

“Ha, that was brilliant, Nick!” Judy high-fived Nick.

“Yeah, but now we need to find a way to stop the train!”

“That is where I’ll have to stop you,” the mother said as she got on the roof, “I gave you a choice, now you two must die.”

She hurdled towards Judy, but the rabbit quickly dodged her by sliding underneath her legs. Judy then gave a big strong rabbit kick to the butt, knocking her down.

“I won’t kill you. I just need you to stop the train.”

“Girl, I control the train! I won’t give you that power.”

“Oh, you mean the power you just dropped?” Nick said as he pointed to a device with a big red button on it.

“Give me that back, you dumb fox!” The mother launched herself towards Nick, but Judy held the giraffe tight before she could hurt her best friend.

While holding onto the aggressive giraffe, Judy looked down below the train to see that they are now above a deep body of water. “If you won’t cooperate, I will have to kick you off the train.”

“No you won’t, I have a child!”

“I know that, that is why I will make sure you stay alive. Underneath us is Lake Pumpkin, and if you swim to your left you will find a village called Patchville which is known for its annual pumpkin carving contest. I will guide Natasha over there once we reach the Bunnyburrow Station.” After telling her this, she let go of the mother and kicked her off of the train and straight into the blue water below.

“What if she decides to continue with her plan?” Nick asked.

“We will deal with that when the time comes. Now, we need to stop the train.”

“Right,” Nick said as he pressed the red button, which slowed down the train. After a few minutes, the train resumed a normal pace.

Judy and Nick climbed back into the car with Natasha in it. They found her crying on one of the chairs.

“I saw what you did to Mother, you big meanie!”

“No no, I didn’t kill her. Right now she is swimming towards Patchville, and once we get to the Bunnyburrow Station we will drive all the way out there and meet back up with Mother. What do you say?”

Natasha wiped away some of her tears. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

“That sounds like a good idea. Thank you, Judy!”

The bunny and giraffe hugged as the train chugged along towards the Bunnyburrow Station.

Turn to Chapter 17.

Chapter Text

Well, he wasn’t done, uh, expelling yet, but time was of the essence and letting go of the railing would have been utterly insane. Nick tried his best to halt the stream and put his privates away as quickly as he could -- mixed results, he got it in there but not without making a mess. Whatever, hygiene wouldn’t matter if this was an urgent matter and he missed it.

The fox reached across his body and struggled to grasp his device in the opposite pocket, but thankfully his claws came in clutch. Tenuously, he got a grip on the infernal rectangle, extracting it at a funny angle to try to see the screen and accept the call as fast as possible. It was working; faintly, he could see the backlight glimmering in his pocket, and could just make out the name being displayed.

“BOGO!?”

Nick flicked his thumb to accept the call as he yanked the phone the rest of the way out -- alas, between his panicked haste, the awkward angle, and the fact that his fingers were still covered in moisture, it was never meant to be.

The phone slipped from his paw and left itself at gravity’s will. Any attempts by Nick to grab it were hampered not only by the suddenness of the situation blindsiding him and compromising his ability to think straight, but also the sheer fact that this was all happening on the far side from his free paw; the absurdity of it all robbed him of the wherewithal to switch paws on the railing, but with how wet his left was, perhaps that wouldn’t have worked anyway. The phone bounced on the platform, then down the stairs, and ultimately came to rest on the rocks of the railbed, laying there lonelily as its owner and the Gaboose rumbled along down the tracks.

The fox stared in disbelief that this was actually happening right now. After a few long seconds, he came to terms with the fact that this was reality and not just an absurd night terror. Then he decided as long as that could not be undone, he might as well finish what he was doing.

Ohhh-oh, ohhh-oh, oh…!

Ohhh-oh, ohhh-oh, oh…!

Judy was staring into space, wondering if she would ever be able to enjoy this song again. Her trance was broken when she heard the back door opening and all the loud train noises it let in.

“That took a while,” the bunny said jocularly as she turned to face him, and she was planning on carrying that upbeat attitude on as she asked him whether he was ready to depart.

But then she saw the look on his face; the fox looked at once deeply aghast and utterly exhausted.

“...What’s wrong?”

“...So! Good news and bad news,” he announced with a bitter grin. “Good news is, turns out this stupid Gaboose is just a radio-frequency blocker and we can get a signal outside the walls--”

“WHAT!?”

Judy didn’t wait for an answer; with this new information, she hopped from her seat and bounded out the back of the trembling Gaboose, bouncing off walls and the seats as she made her way to the exit.

It was so fast that Nick could barely react in time. “Ca-Carrots, Judy, WAIT!”

He ran after her as she burst out the back door. The second she felt fresh air on her muzzle, the rabbit yanked her phone out of her pocket and clicked it on, with every intention of dialing the Chief posthaste. Alas, proactive to a fault, Judy was so quick to try to capitalize on this opportunity that she failed to assess the dangers, just as she failed to grab a hold of something.

“Whoa, whoa, WHOA--!”

The Gaboose wobbling violently beneath her, she almost immediately lost her kilter, swinging her arms wildly for balance. Thankfully, something grabbed a hold of her.

Yoink.

The fox, one arm steadfast on the doorframe, had his other reached out as far as it could go to grasp the bunny by her wrist. He had successfully saved her from falling off the back of the train, but while he froze her body’s momentum, her cellular device didn’t get the memo. Her phone flew clear out of her paw and off the Gaboose, shattering on the rocks below.

“...Anyway, the bad news is that I lost my balance and dropped my phone trying to answer it,” Nick finally concluded, his tone a stark balance between I’m glad you’re safe and maybe next time let me finish saying what I was gonna say, m’kay?

After a moment to snap back into the present, Judy regained her composure and grabbed the railing, then stayed there for a second, staring waywardly down the tracks as the corpse of her cell phone disappeared over the horizon.

“CHEESE AND CRACKERS!!” she hissed as she stormed back into the Gaboose.

Nick silently followed her back inside, thinking that that silly euphemism still felt like a real swear. Normally, he’d say this aloud for great comedic effect, but now didn’t seem the time for a witty remark.

Welp, only one way to go from here. Turn to Chapter 10.

Chapter Text

"...Maybe we should keep waiting."

Nick raised an eyebrow. "That's how you finished that sentence, huh?"

"Well, it's a viable option!" she insisted. "At least now we have something to wait for instead of just sitting around."

Something that sounded suspiciously like screams echoed from further down the train. "I can't help but feel we're maybe not doing our civic duty right now."

"No, I won't leave, I wanna try everything!"

"I wanna try even though I could fail!"

"And that song is seriously getting on my last nerves," Nick groaned. "It has solid advice, though. Shouldn't we be, you know, trying everything?"

"To be fair, it also said not to leave." She checked the phone again. Nothing. "I mean, surely this can't take that much longer."

Nick fell back onto the nearest couch with a sigh of defeat. "How am I the one advocating for doing more?"

Judy finally relented, putting the phone away again. "You're right. We agreed we needed to be equal in our decision-making. So if you want to do something else, I'll be right there with you."

He shot back up. "Finally. Okay, I think we should..."

Looks like it's time for another course of action. Or is it? The final decision is, of course, yours.

To have them escape the Gaboose via the back door, turn to Chapter 2!

To have them try busting down the main door again, turn to Chapter 3!

To keep waiting around, turn to Chapter 12!

Chapter Text

Aw, he was a fox, foxes were natural athletes, he could balance on this rickety train without needing something to hold on to! Alright, feet spread shoulder-width apart, knees bent just a little, other paw still doing its thing. Carefully, he let go of the rail and fished out his phone, masterfully maintaining his equilibrium by leaning into all of the Gaboose’s pitches and yaws. He was calm, cool, and collected, and he stayed that way until he laid eyes upon the caller ID.

“...BOGO!? GAH--!”

The shock was enough to cause him to lose concentration on his balance. The Gaboose hit another violent bump, and he was thrown from the back of the train, landing on his head. That was where his thoughts ended, and he died with his pants undone and his private parts exposed.

Five or so minutes later, Judy, who had not heard her partner screaming over the loud rumbling of the runaway train, began to worry that Nick was taking far too long. Going to the back to investigate, she couldn’t find him anywhere; she briefly wondered whether he had climbed to the roof from the back, but it soon became clear that that was just too perilous of an idea. Soon, her own phone began ringing. One paw firmly grasping the rear railing, she answered and got a long explanation from a confused Bogo as to what was happening on the train. The phone call did not, however, explain what happened to Nick, at least not immediately. But as Judy stayed on the line with the Chief, he gave her updates, and just as she feared, rural cops tracing the path of the train found the fox’s body on the side of the tracks miles behind them.

Upon hearing this, Judy just about fell off the Gaboose herself as her knees went weak, but she stayed strong and stayed on the line with Bogo; she had never heard that buffalo’s voice so soft and consoling. They stayed on the phone until the train abruptly slowed and finally halted, at which point Bunnyburrow police came rushing in and arrested Judy on the spot.

As it turns out, Nick’s rotting corpse on the side of the tracks was all that kept Judy from doing a very, very long time in jail. But that didn’t console the bunny very much. She never even got to tell that dumb fox how much she loved him.

Congratulations! You made Nick Wilde die! And he’s not coming back! You did that all by yourself! :D

Oh, what, you’re not satisfied with the ending you chose? Hey, nobody twisted your arm to make Nick let go of a railing on a runaway train, but eh, we all make mistakes. But this story’s not going anywhere; you can always flip back to the previous chapter (or the chapter before that) and make a different decision! Whatever helps you sleep at night, fox-murderer! <3

Chapter Text

“Dumb bunny, dumb DUMB bunny…” Judy was muttering now in rhythm with the still-repeating music as she paced back and forth. She gave her ears a rough tussle and then kicked at the carpet in frustration.

“There there, Carrots, don’t beat up on yourself too much,” Nick said as he closed the back door firmly, muffling the sound of the noise from the wheels. “That could have gone worse.”

“Really?” she asked rhetorically as she wobbled on her feet and grabbed for the arm of the couch. “This train is out of control, something is out there scaring the other passengers but we don’t know what, we missed a call from Bogo, and now we’ve both lost our phones. How could this be any worse?”

“Well, I almost lost my partner… I’d say that would have been way worse.”

Judy’s ears drooped. “Ah… yeah, that would have been way worse, huh.”

“Yep.” Nick made it over to her on unsteady feet and joined her in using the couch for balance. “Not much we can do about the missed call from Bogo or the phones, but maybe if we can get out of the Gaboose and to the other cars we can sort out what’s going on anyway. We are police officers, after all. Solving mysteries is what we do.”

She gave a tiny smirk. “Modern technology or not?”

“Who needs cell phones anyway? Bet we get this figured out perfectly well without them.”

“Well, now that you’ve tempted fate like that,” Judy began as she relinquished her hold on the couch and moved in the direction of the locked door, “let’s see if we can figure out what’s going on with this door first. Can’t do much of anything if we’re stuck here in Try Everything Purgatory.”

Nick followed, smug smile back on his face. “No longer a fan of the imposed earworm, I take it?”

“I’d give anything for silence right now. That’s on the other side of this door, so it better think twice about staying in our way.”

The door continued to prove as stubborn now as it did before when they originally attempted to open it. No matter how hard they yanked on the door, it refused to open.

“This is getting us nowhere,” Nick said as he tugged his tie a little looser. “Brian said we should be able to access the other train cars. It would be a fire hazard not to give us a way to get to the rest of the train. Something’s gotta be blocking the door on the other side.”

“Agreed,” Judy said, “but how do we get at it from here, is the real question.”

They let their eyes wander around the Gaboose cabin. Aside from their bags, there wasn’t much there that wasn’t bolted down or too big for either of them to lift. Didn’t seem like they’d be able to break down the door by force from here. Judy turned her mind from the furnishings to the walls of the cabin for a possible alternative way to get to the other side of the door. Her eyes wandered toward the ceiling and glanced at a high window on the side of the door. She pointed and Nick’s eyes drifted upward as well.

“Maybe we can get out through there?”

“Possible. If you stand on my shoulders, you can probably reach it. It doesn’t look like a window with a latch, though. We’ll need something to try and break it.” He gestured at their bags. “Grab your purse, we’ll use that.”

Judy raised an eyebrow. “You think hitting it with my handbag is going to break it?”

“Yeah, we’ll use the purse brick.” Judy blinked at him and he added for clarity, “You know, the brick every lady keeps in her purse for situations like this?”

She scrunched her nose. “Do you think this is some kind of a cartoon?”

He seemed a bit taken aback at first, and then gave a sheepish smirk. “So… no purse brick?”

“It’s times like this I wonder if you’ve ever conversed with another female before in your life.”

His smile dropped and he replied a little peevishly, “Okay, fine, my mistake. What do you suggest then?”

She staggered over to the far wall where there was a clear, red-lined door with the words Emergency Extinguisher across the front of it. She yanked it open, wrapped her arms around the bright red extinguisher inside that was almost as big as she was, and bodily hauled it back to Nick while fighting to keep her balance. “How about this?”

Nick made a doubtful face. “You think you can even lift that long enough to bust out the window?”

Judy stopped in front of him. “I guess we’ll find out.”

The fox held onto the fire extinguisher with one paw while giving Judy a leg up with his other. The instability of the car made balancing a challenge, but with the support of the wall, eventually Judy was able to stand on Nick’s shoulders and grasp the narrow ledge of the window. He lifted the fire extinguisher up to her, which she immediately almost dropped; she didn’t quite anticipate its weight. And neither did her partner.

“Not to be a nudge, Carrots,” Nick grunted, “but the sooner you makey with the breaky, the better. My knees aren’t going to be able to keep this up for long.”

“Didn’t realize you were suddenly an elderly mammal,” she grunted back as the base of the extinguisher met the window and glanced to the ledge. “We’ll have to remember to ask for the senior discount at the Happytown Diner next time we grab breakfast.”

Nick didn’t respond to that, only redoubled his stance as Judy attempted another round with the window. A spider crack formed in the corner as she wound back for another hit, except that this time when she attempted to bring it around, her paw slipped. She nearly lost her grip on it and in a desperate attempt to not drop it she grabbed the handle, which served the exact opposite effect. Nick lost his footing and Judy just managed to grab the ledge as the extinguisher flew from her paws in the direction of the TV, high pressure foam bursting from the nozzle. In the wake of the sounds of property damage, the most recent chorus of Try Everything finally, at long last, was silenced.

Nick picked himself back up. “Well, that’s one way to turn off the TV,” he quipped.

Judy was in no position to answer him, clinging to the ledge with her legs scrabbling for purchase. She was just about able to get her leg up to the ledge and then her elbows. A few more seconds and she was sitting on the ledge. The crack that she’d achieved spread out from the corner, but the window was still very much intact. Luckily, rabbits are known to have exceptionally strong legs. A few heel strikes and the corner busted out into an opening that was just wide enough for her to squeeze carefully through.

“Ugh, this is taking forever,” Judy complained loudly, and stuck her paw through the opening, feeling the pressure of the air blowing into the train car. “Any chance you could fit through this?”

Nick eyed the hole and then shook his head. “We foxes are scientifically half liquid, but I still don’t think I’ll get through unscathed.”

She nodded and put her hoodie up over her head. “I don’t want to risk trying to make that opening bigger; the last thing I need is to cut my leg. I'm gonna squeeze through and see what’s blocking the door. With any luck you’ll just be able to walk out once I clear it.”

Nick gave her a thumbs up and said, “Be careful,” as Judy slipped her head and shoulders through the hole.

The force of the air nearly took her breath away; her eyes watered in the pressure as she carefully wiggled her torso and then her hips through. On the outside of the Gaboose, Judy watched the scenery flying by, which just solidified her concern that the train was traveling far faster than it should have been. She could also see the platform between their car and the next one, and the door was finally visible. The issue they were having with opening it was now extremely clear: a bike lock was wrapped around the door handle.

Judy frowned deeply as she carefully dropped onto the platform. Luckily, her father had instilled in her from a young age the importance of keeping a multitool on her, and it was certainly coming in handy now. Jiggling the fish scaler in the keyhole made short work of the cheap lock and it popped open without much additional resistance. A few more seconds and the chain came unwound from the handle. She slid the door aside to find Nick leaning against the door frame.

“Fancy meeting you here. You take trains often?”

Judy smirked. “After this, I think I’ll be full up on trains for a while.”

“Now that’s a heck of a mood.” His eyes wandered to the remains of the chain lock that had kept them from opening the door. “So we have some foul play here, do we?”

“To say the very least,” Judy agreed, and gestured for him to follow her to the next car. “Let’s find one of the staff and see what’s going on here so we can get off this crazy thing.”

Turn to Chapter 14.

Chapter Text

Nick kept his right paw on the railing. And he kept his left paw down yonder until he was finished relieving himself. And his phone kept buzzing in his pocket until it didn’t buzz anymore.

But the fox didn’t sweat it. Now that he knew there was reception out here, he felt no need to rush; he could just call back when he was ready. Assuming that whoever was calling him wasn’t about to ring him again.

And after a quick series of smaller vibrations to indicate delayed texts and other notifications incoming, sure enough, it began buzzing again. Making sure he had a free paw (he would have liked some paw sanitizer, but sometimes police work isn’t the most sanitary), he pulled out his phone while steadily grasping the rear railing.

“Bogo?” Nick murmured as he saw which of his contacts was calling him. He flicked up on the screen to answer and put the phone up to his ear. “Hey, what’s crackin’, Chief--?”

“WILDE!” the buffalo barked over the line. “WHERE THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU!?”

The force of that behemoth bellowing in his ear was almost enough to make Nick lose his balance anyway. Even beyond that, the question was so perplexing that it skewed his mental equilibrium just the same. “I’m… on a train to Bunnyburrow with Hopps.” What, did he forget he granted us vacation days? Does he need us somewhere?

“So that IS you!! Wilde, what on earth has gotten into your head!?”

Unflappable as he was, a voice and tone like that could shake him. “Wh-what are you talking about?”

“I didn’t think it was actually you, but after innumerable reports that it was you and now you confirm you’re there, am I actually being forced to confront that you’d actually do something so heinous!?”

Wait, what was that about… “‘Innumerable reports’ of…?”

“THE CRIME YOU ARE CURRENTLY COMMITTING!”

Nick froze, then looked around the empty scenery and gulped. So… he wasn’t all alone out here? “W-wait, people saw me doing that!?”

“IT’S ALL OVER SOCIAL MEDIA, WILDE, WELCOME TO THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY!”

The fox could just about feel the blood drain from his body. Was there a camera on this godforsaken Gaboose? Were they being punk’d!?

“Ch-Chief, Chief!” Nick stammered. “I-I didn’t have anywhere else to go, and I had the reasonable expectation that nobody would see me!”

Bogo could be heard sputtering on the other end. “--And you say this like that makes it OKAY!? Well, perhaps I should thank you for this effortless admission of guilt!”

“Chief, I was desperate!”

“DESPERATE!?” he had rarely heard the buffalo’s voice get this bassy. “Hmph, I should have known not to repudiate your criminal history, and now you’ve corrupted Hopps as well!? You certainly are a dangerously smooth talker, Wilde…”

…Okay, now Nick was confused all over again. “...Wait, what? Chief, Carrots doesn’t have a p-- uh, a pressing need to pee.”

He actually thought he lost the signal again with how speechless he’d left his boss.

“...Y’there, big guy?”

Bogo answered with a disarmingly calm tone: “...Wilde, we may have gotten our wires crossed. Tell me, tell me, what do you think I’m talking about?”

The fox blinked as he pondered how to phrase this. “It… sounds like someone tipped you off that I, uh, technically committed a public urination misdemeanor -- b-b-but I can explain! There’s no bathroom on this godforsaken caboose and the only door to the rest of the train is locked--”

“Wilde. Wilde. Stop right there,” the Chief interrupted, not rudely but certainly firmly. “That is not what I’m talking about. Now, time is of the essence, so I’m going to be terribly blunt: do you truly have no idea why there are innumerable reports of you and Hopps hijacking a passenger train leaving the city and robbing the passengers? Which I’m watching on a social media livestream as we speak?”

Good thing Nick already relieved himself, because a revelation that jarring would have just about made him wet his pants. He didn’t answer his boss directly; instead, he grabbed the door handle and swung it open.

“CARROTS, GET OUT HERE!” he hollered. “NOW!”

“What’s going on!?” the startled bunny demanded, nevertheless coming to the door.

“I got a signal, Bogo’s calling, you need to hear this!”

“WHAT!?” Judy put some more pep in her step.

But in the three seconds it took her to get to the end of the Gaboose, their boss delivered one more line. “Hold on, Wilde, let me call you right back.”

“No, no, Chief, don’t, Judy’s here now--!” But Nick’s plea was met with the duh-dunk tone of the call being dropped.

“What is going on,” Judy repeated in the tone of a statement, ignoring that her own cell was now blowing up with missed attempts at contact.

“Bogo just told me that--!”

Bzzzzz…

His phone was ringing again, and it was once again Chief Bogo. But this time he was requesting a video call.

Surprised by this for a moment, the fox unfroze and answered. As the buffalo appeared on their screen (pixelated due to poor reception), Nick made a point to angle his self-facing camera so that both he and his partner were clearly visible to their boss; Judy did not understand why, but she trusted there was a darn good reason for it. On the other end, Bogo was trying to maintain his default stern expression, but seeing them with a much different background than he was expecting -- among other differences -- was enough to let a clear streak of bemusement slip through the cracks.

“We’re both here! Now, what were you going to say!?” Nick begged impatiently. “A-and if you can project as loud as you can, that’d be great, it’s… it’s kind of noisy out here, and we can’t get reception inside the caboose!”

“Forgive me, Chief, but what’s going on?” Judy asked, trying and failing to mask her impatience.

Bogo didn’t keep them waiting much longer. “First things first: are you two or are you two not currently aboard a passenger train that left Zootopia Central Station at two-thirty this afternoon towards Bunnyburrow and points beyond?”

“Y-yes!” the rabbit stammered. “We are! Why!?”

The buffalo opened his mouth to speak for a fraction of a second before reconsidering. “I’ll show you rather than tell you…”

With bated breath, the fox and bunny watched their boss look away from his phone and type something into his computer offscreen with his free hoof. In a moment, they could hear a faint chorus of glitchy voices -- were they screaming in terror? Bogo pressed a button on his phone and the screen switched to his forward-facing camera, which was pointing at a live feed from inside the passenger car of a train -- if the context wasn’t clear enough, it was most certainly the train they were presently on. It was difficult to make out with a screen recording another screen, and the mammal holding the camera hiding behind a set of seats, but the scene was visible through the gaps.

There was a red fox tod in a green button-down shirt, and a gray rabbit doe in a bucolic blue blouse. And they looked very, very angry, at everything and nothing all at once. And they were waving around guns. These were not ZPD-standard tranq guns -- well, technically, you could say they were forever-tranq guns. The other thing they were each holding were backpacks, unzipped wide open and overflowing with cash and wallets as the duo had them strapped over one shoulder each. They were shouting things at the passengers, things which were not intelligible to the viewer, but their hostile tone was loud and clear. But then the bunny walked down the aisle, closer to the mammal holding the camera, and their voice got louder and clearer as they drew nearer. That’s when she noticed.

“What are you doing!?”

The bunny on screen power-walked the last few steps to where she could see the cowering passenger clearly; the passenger, in turn, tried to hide the camera at first. That was, however, before they were ordered to the contrary.

“No, don’t hide that, don’t be bashful, film me!”

Surely as confused as all their viewers were, the mammal holding the camera did as told and pointed it back at the rabbit.

“Yeah!” boasted the bunny directly into the camera. “Help us spread the word! Hey, everyone! If you haven’t heard, me, Judy Hopps, and-- NICK, GET OVER HERE!”

‘Nick’ dutifully appeared at her side.

“We have given SO much to Zootopia, and you animals STILL won’t accept us!?” ‘Judy’ continued. “WELL! My Nicky-Wicky and I are in LOVE, and if YOU all refuse to let us live as we want, then WHY should WE!? Screw Zootopia!”

“And screw backwards-ass Bunnyburrow, too,” her partner snarked along, masterfully replicating the famous fox’s signature charm.

And then they started making out and it was gross.

Bogo switched back to his selfie camera to meet virtual eyes with his officers, whose expressions were each nothing short of aghast.

“To my understanding, that was a live feed,” he explained. “So seeing you and them in separate rooms confirms that’s not actually you.”

Real Nick sputtered as he tried to decide which of his many thoughts he wanted to say first. “W-w-well of course that’s not us, that guy looks nothing like me, his fur’s way too brick-colored! What, these people can’t tell foxes apart!? And Judy would never use the word screw in that context!” He paused for a beat before adding one admission: “...That did look like you though, Carrots, I’ll give them that.”

Oh, Judy knew she did, and that alarmed her. But there was no time to waste talking about it.

“We have to get in that train,” she said authoritatively. “Alright, Nick, are we climbing up to the roof this way or breaking a window in the roof compartment?”

“Wait, timeout,” her partner snapped. “I wanna put a stop to this as much as you do, but let’s look before we leap. Those guys have guns! We do not! We don’t have our tranqs, tasers, hell, we don’t even have our badges!”

Bogo spoke up. “I do want you two in there as quickly as possible, but that includes however long it takes to formulate an actual strategy instead of just running in there blind--”

“Wait…” Judy thought aloud before turning to Nick. “You don’t even have your badge on you?”

“Why would I?” Nick replied, almost pleading for reason. “We’re on vacation!”

“I carry mine with me everywhere,” the bunny answered flatly as she produced it to prove it. “Are you not proud of being a cop or someth--?”

“Hopps! Wilde!” Bogo snapped over the phone. “This is no time for bickering! Now, you do not have your police equipment with you, but as soon as I hang up with you, I’m going to contact local departments to have them send their best to intercept the train, we can probably get a few choppers out there with armed police to board the train and get you some defensive gear so you can work with them.”

“Chief, that would be perfect!” Nick beamed, his desire to be heroic no longer at odds with his desire to be smart about it.

“Y-yes, Chief,” Judy added with a note of hesitation. “But, if I may ask, what’s their ETA? A-and what should we do until then?”

And then, grainy as his visage was on the screen, the officers could see their boss become visibly conflicted. “Let me be clear: if -- and only IF -- you can manage to access the rest of the train and stop these terrorists, in a way that does not get you or any innocents killed, godspeed. You’re both smart and resourceful and I know you might figure something out. But I also know you’re mortal, not divine and you might not think of a foolproof solution. And in that event…” He trailed off as he struggled with how a good leader would phrase this. “...I know it goes against your instincts to help, but I’d rather you waited for backup instead of getting yourselves killed. You’re too valuable to this city to expend fighting an unwinnable battle.”

“CHIEF! Chief!” Judy spoke up, overcome with passion. “Respectfully, I think we’ve got this! I certainly don’t keep in shape just to not be able to climb the roof of a train when I need to--”

“It’s not the climbing of the train I’m concerned about, Hopps, it’s…” He trailed off again, puzzling about how blunt he could afford to be. “...If these two are mad enough to hijack a train while impersonating you, and you show up unarmed while they’re very armed, how much farther of a bridge is it for them to simply eliminate you?”

 That shut her up. Judy broke eye contact from the screen and looked off down the tracks, thinking that, yes, from the Chief’s point of view, that was a very reasonable thing to be concerned about.

But… she wouldn’t do that, would she? Judy was fairly confident that her opposite number would never do such a thing -- but then again, two hours ago, Judy would have also confidently said she’d never hijack a goshdarn train, and now, here they were. The bunny couldn’t tell her boss that the other bunny wasn’t a murderer, both because Judy didn’t think she could be so sure anymore, and because Bogo would surely ask why she felt so sure in the first place.

“...I understand,” Judy said, dutiful but clearly dejected. “We’ll brainstorm a safe option, and if we can’t… we’ll play it safe.”

“Thank you.” And without any valediction, the cape buffalo hung up the call. Nick and Judy were not offended; they knew he was rushing to contact local law enforcement as soon as he could.

Despite all that exercising she boasted about, standing on this wobbly train was quite the workout in itself. Since their task was to think up a solution, Judy wordlessly turned and saw herself back into the Gaboose and sit down to ponder in a somewhat quieter environment, and Nick likewise followed her in without seeing the need for syllables and sentences, at least not yet.

“Argh, what are we gonna do?” the rabbit seethed to herself, burying her forehead into the palm of her paw. “What can we do without weapons!?”

Nick shared her conflicted feelings, but with an added layer; in addition to lamenting sitting idly by as chaos reigned right down the hallway and detesting that he was likewise drawing a complete blank on a viable solution, it was agonizing to watch Judy just about rip her own ears off in helpless frustration. But cool cucumber that he was, the fox saw no added benefit to displaying his own emotional tempest, and tried to remain calm for the both of them.

“Carrots… I know this is killing you,” he said gently. “If you can think of an idea to get in that train that won’t get us killed, I’ll do it without any sass. But if you can’t? …I know it’s gonna be hard, but you’re gonna have to forgive yourself. You can’t solve every problem by yourself.”

She looked up at him. She valued that he was saying these things, but ugh, he just didn’t know what she knew, what made this situation all the more absurd. And if she had her way, he wasn’t going to find out. Not because she didn’t trust him, she just really, really didn’t care to explain.

When Judy didn’t answer, Nick began contemplating their options himself. “Hrm… maybe we should stand out back so we can get a signal again if the Chief needs us,” he recommended as he checked his phone again; yup, back to exactly zero bars.

“Yes and no,” the bunny grumbled, “we’d have cell reception, maybe all the way out here, but if the train shakes and we fall off, is that ‘staying safe until backup arrives’?” she mused bitterly just as the Gaboose did indeed hit another violent bump.

Just to get the brain juices flowing, Nick scrolled his phone’s contact list, just in case there was a resource among them that he wasn’t thinking of. It took a while; a guy like him didn’t literally know everybody in Zootopia, but that wasn’t too gross an exaggeration. Judy wasn’t talking as she tried desperately to think of some way out of this, so Nick kept scrolling the long list of mammals he knew. And wouldn’t you know it, towards the end of the list…

“...Hold up,” he said suddenly, surprising his partner. “We… might know somebody who knows somebody who… might know somebody who can help us.”

“What, who!?”

“The only guy at the precinct who loves Gazelle more than Ben does,” he said in a tone that just about tapped his nose for him. “After all, who’s caboose are we… supposedly in? Either this thing is stolen or they’re using her likeness without permission, I’m sure she wouldn’t care for either.”

The bunny wasn’t convinced. “Nick, being a superfan doesn’t mean he has a direct line to Gazelle.”

“I didn’t say it was a direct line, I just said it was a line. Knowing everybody means you know who everybody else knows.” That tone sounded playful enough, but the urgency of the situation didn’t let that last long. “I dunno, Judy, I’m just throwing ideas out there, it’s a long shot, but it’s something.”

“Yeah, it is, but…” Feeling a sudden wave of determination, she stood from her seat -- and fell, then stood again -- and began marching for the back door. “Alright, whether we’re sitting on our paws, playing Action Hero, or trying against hope to reach fudging Gazelle herself, we should probably be out back where we’re not dead to the world.”

The fox knew she wasn’t angry at him, but that didn’t make hearing it any easier. He stood (and fell, and stood) and followed her back out again. But they didn’t exit before Judy stopped at the door, paw on the handle, and turned to face him.

“We’ve wasted enough time,” she said, sounding absolutely exhausted. “Once we go outside, we’d better know what we’re doing.”

She need say no more; Nick nodded determinedly. “Agreed. So, what’s your gut say.”

My gut is all sorts of wrong today. “It’s saying a lot of things…”

So! What are they gonna do?

To try to risk boarding the train via the roof, turn to Chapter 15!

To wait for guaranteed backup and hope you haven’t wasted too much time, turn to Chapter 19!

Or, if you really want to try something out there, to call someone who knows someone who maybe has a way of contacting Gazelle, turn to Chapter 18!

Chapter Text

"..."

He thought for a moment, then slowly lowered himself back down. "I've got nothing."

Judy sighed in frustration, going over to thunk her head against the window. "This was one of my favorite songs. Now it's driving me nuts..."

Suddenly, her head perked up. "What was that?"

"What was what?"

"I swear I just saw something fly past the window!"

"Maybe it's a bird. You know, I hear they don't just fly, but fall down and get up."

Judy almost snapped, but she reeled herself in, her frustration almost palpable through her grit teeth and tapping foot. "No! I won't give up and I won't give in! There has to be something else we can do!"

Nick shrugged. "Hey, I thought I was really close to an idea back there, but then it sorta just slipped away. How's the phone going?"

"How do you think the phone is going?"

"About the same?"

"About the same."

"Then I guess it's your turn to make a decision again, Carrots." He spread his paw out wide. "The floor's all yours. It's also Gazelle's, but I'm trying not to think about that anymore. What do ya got?"

Judy thought intently for a moment, then shot up straight along with her ears. "I've got it! I know what we can do! Let's..."

Oh man, Judy's on a roll now! What brilliant conclusion has she come to, dear reader?

To have them escape the Gaboose via the back door, turn to Chapter 2!

To have them try busting down the main door again, turn to Chapter 3!

To keep waiting, turn to Chapter 16!

Chapter Text

Finally, Nick and Judy broke through the door into the first coach car. They fell to their knees as they lost their balance, staggering to their feet as quickly as they could so as not to be vulnerable to whatever was waiting for them.

They looked up. There was nothing waiting for them. The car was empty.

“Wait… what?” was all Nick could think to say.

“Where is everybody!?” Judy wondered aloud.

“Did the Fake Us corral them into another car or something?” the fox asked as he checked the nearest lavatory just to be thorough; nope, nobody there either.

“That’s what I’m thinking had to have happened…” the bunny murmured. And yet, she didn’t feel in her heart of hearts that that was entirely accurate. She was overcome with the notion -- completely unscientifically, but nevertheless sticking with her -- that this train car hadn’t simply been evacuated. Something deep inside her was screaming at the top of its lungs: nobody had ever been here.

“Alright…” Nick said with a resigned shrug as he power-walked to the next door, only refraining from running just in case a slower pace helped him notice some clue they were overlooking. “Bottoms up, I guess. You coming?”

“I… guess I have to,” Judy answered shakily as she followed.

They arrived at the next door; whatever apprehension they had about facing the mysteries of the next car was frankly outweighed by their relief to get out of this downright unsettling one. These doors were not locked; all it took was pressing a large button at foot level to trigger the opening mechanism, walk through the plastic accordion connecting the two, and likewise kick the button for the next door. They braced themselves for ornery imposters and anguished hostages.

…Okay, this one was somehow even emptier. They couldn’t put their collective finger on it, but despite being exactly as unoccupied as the previous, this coach just seemed to be another echelon of vacant.

“What the…” Judy was too hung up on the oppressive barrenness of this car to even remember that they were looking for passengers and perpetrators.

“...I figured it out,” Nick said with a snap of his fingers. “This car doesn’t even have signs of life. The last one at least had, like, jackets and bags left over, this one doesn’t even have that.”

The bunny’s ears went down as she noticed something. “Figured… what out, exactly?”

“Why this car somehow seems even--”

“--Emptier… than the last one?” she squeaked. “So… you thought that too.”

“Well… yeah. Didn’t I… didn’t I say something?” the fox looked puzzled. “...I did, didn’t I?”

“I don’t think you did.”

“I didn’t?”

“I might be mistaken, but I… I’m pretty sure you didn’t.”

His extensive practice putting on a calm and composed countenance in the face of adversity was failing him; Nick looked like he’d seen a ghost. “Th-this is weird. Let’s keep going. They all gotta be in the next car… right?”

“I mean, I’d guess so…” Judy mumbled as they got walking. “But what, they took all their stuff with them when they got held hostage?”

“I dunno, maybe they took their stuff and jumped off the train.”

“What, you think a whole train worth of people would just take every shred of anything on here and leap off a moving train!?”

“Hey, extreme situations, extreme solutions--”

“And that we wouldn’t notice?’

“Judy, I don’t know!” Nick snapped -- then he recomposed himself. “Let’s… let’s not argue. That’s what the Fake Us want.”

“Agreed…”

They got to the next door and walked through, actually hoping there’d be a pair of imposters sticking guns in their faces when they did, just to make sense of all this. That is not what they got.

“WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SEATS!?” Nick exclaimed, his words echoing through the empty tube before them.

“This… is… weird,” Judy struggled to even say.

“Weird nothing! This is spooky, kooky, and downright insane!” The fox threw his hands in the air and turned around.

“Where are you going!?”

“Away!” he barked as he went to reopen the door they’d just come from. “I dunno what’s going on, but this is out of our hands, and we’re just gonna have to accept--!”

Nick’s words caught in his throat as he and Judy saw the Gaboose on the other side of the gap, where the previous two cars were supposed to be.

“...Did somebody drug us!?” he asked the heavens. “Or did we just stumble into the twilight zone!?”

The bunny wasn’t saying anything, nor could she; the incongruity of this all had so thoroughly wrecked her brain that she had momentarily forgotten the English language.

“Should we jump!?” the fox asked her, gesturing to the corner where a platform edge lay beyond the wall. “Is that the only way to get off this thing!? Someone tell Ozzy Oxbourne that we wish this Crazy Train would go off the rails, at least then it would stop!”

Judy remembered enough of her syllables and sentences to form a somewhat cogent answer: “No… I think if we do that, we die.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “Cynical, but reasonable, I guess. So we keep going?”

“I-I mean… this train can’t go on forever…” she said as she led him to the next door. “...Can it?”

Turn to Chapter 34.

Chapter Text

The next car over from the Gaboose was mercifully quiet once the door had closed off the sound of the rushing wind behind them. It appeared to be a bar car, with a long wooden bar off to one side and a well-ordered and well-stocked cabinet of assorted liquors and wines behind it. Small two-top booths and tables in varying sizes were lined up on the far wall across from the bar, and there was a Jukebox off in the one corner closest to the door they had just walked though.

There were some signs of an altercation scattered here and there. Apparently the chairs weren’t bolted down and a few had toppled over. One of the cabinet doors was ajar and a few of the bottles within had fallen on their sides. There was an abandoned drink that had been left on the bar top and, with the increased roughness of the ride, it had apparently tipped over and spilled its contents all over the surface. There was a slow drip over the side and the smell of the lost cosmopolitan and whatever lost bottles that had fallen out of the open cabinet wafted in the air.

Judy took a deep, savory breath in through her nose despite the caustic scent of the liquor. “Blessed silence, how I’ve missed you.”

“That makes two of us.” Nick’s nose wiggled, sniffing a little more thoughtfully than his partner and started moving his paw toward his pocket. “Nose isn’t a fan though. Something stinks.”

“Well, there’s the liquor fumes, of course, but I think it probably could smell wor—”

She cut her sentence short as Nick put a finger to his lips wordlessly, his ears perked high and aimed in the direction of the bar. He motioned with his head and his eyes and Judy nodded in response. She stepped carefully on fuzzy bunny feet toward one side of the bar, while Nick padded quietly toward the other side. The bar was far taller than either of them, and the barstools bolted into the floor were as well. It was impossible to see over the bar very easily, which made it an ideal possible hiding spot. Judy trusted Nick’s nose, and apparently it was fairly certain something -- or someone -- of interest was on the other side.

Nick approached carefully with his badge in one paw and a can of ZPD issued pepper spray in the other; Judy did the same and took up a position just at the corner of the bar on the far end. They nodded at each other and Nick made the high leap up onto the bar top as Judy rushed around the opening on the side.

“Freeze, ZPD! Put your—ARGH!”

Judy only just caught sight of a black and white and pink blur catapult itself over the bar top and directly into Nick’s face. He took the long fall back to the carpet from off the bar top and landed with a hard THUD! and an oof! Judy came back around and ran over to him, assessing the scene as she did so.

Apparently the car wasn’t as empty as they had first thought when they walked in. A single mammal—a female skunk, to be exact—was hiding behind the bar with an enormous, pink,  over-the-shoulder bag that she had swung up into Nick’s face. The momentum of that action brought her over the bar with it and now both she and the bag were on top of Nick as he lay stunned on the floor. She jumped atop the bag as she swatted at Nick’s face, which was unprotected as his arms were pinned.

“You brute!” she shouted at him. “Who do you think you are?! You think you can just bully and rob me, do you?? I won’t let you push me around, even if you are some kind of big shot!”

“Ma’am, please!” Nick shouted back at her around the pummeling, trying to duck and angle his muzzle away from her blows. “I think you have the wrong idea! Can’t we just talk about this like civilized mammals?”

And this was about the time that Judy came up to the assault in progress and took hold of one of the skunk’s wrists mid-swing.

“That’s enough!” she yelled and yanked the skunk back. “Get off of him!”

The skunk came around with her other fist aimed at Judy’s head, a punch that Judy easily avoided. While her assailant was off balance switching targets, she was able to reach back to grab her taser and bring it forward into the skunk’s thigh.

Bzzzt!

The skunk’s body convulsed from the shock a few times and then she collapsed to the floor with a muted thud. She was out cold.

“Jeez, what the heck was that all about?” Nick asked, getting to his feet and rubbing his cheek where she’d landed a hit or two. “I’ve been on the receiving end of some physical altercations. She was acting like I’d personally done her wrong.”

“You do know everyone,” Judy commented as she knelt down to check the skunk’s vital signs. “Did you?”

“Hate to backtrack on that boast of mine, but I absolutely don’t know her and I very much didn’t.”

Judy looked over the skunk. She was pretty, with unique white markings around her eyes and stripes that were more a golden color than the usual white she was used to seeing on members of her species. There was blue coloring on her eyelids and red on her lips. The bright purple jumpsuit she had on was a trendy one, with a logo on the jacket and rhinestones on the collar.

“Well, she’s out for the count but she seems stable, heart rate is steady and she’s still breathing.” Judy’s gaze wandered to the big bag beside her and she pulled it over.

“Whatcha doing there, Carrots?” Nick asked. “Isn’t it a social faux pas to go through another lady’s purse?”

“Usually I’d say yes, but she did just randomly assault you and I’m inclined to slip into police officer mode and institute a search of her possessions to make sure she’s not under the influence of something we should know about.” She unzipped the bag and added, “Also, maybe there’s a phone in here we can use.”

“Now that I can get behind.”

Nick scooted over to her as Judy started to pull items out of the purse. It appeared that this bag was specifically more of a make-up case. Every item that she set on the floor between them was more cosmetic products, from eyeshadow to fur dye and stencils, to lipstick, to mousse and hair ties. There were also a couple of changes of clothes and an enormous sunhat. And then, strangely, from the very bottom of the bag Judy hauled out a sizable brick.

She stared at it. “What the…?”

Nick pointed. “See! I told you!”

Judy set it aside, content to ignore that particular item entirely. “Okay, moving on.” She turned the bag over and gave it a little shake. “No phone.”

“Well, damn it.” Nick studied the many cosmetics products on the floor between them. “So, I have a crazy idea.”

Judy sighed. “Let’s have it.”

“We don’t know what’s going on in the cars ahead, but based on this interaction I’m willing to bet that we, or at least me, are mammalas non grata.” He held up a pack of multicolored fur extensions. “Why don’t we take advantage of this stuff and try to make ourselves up to look not like ourselves before we go on?”

“Seems like a waste of time to me, personally. Plus super weird… who’s to say we don’t get stopped by the train staff because we don’t look anything like any mammal who boarded the train?”

“C’mon, you really think they memorized every face of everybody on this train? It’s a risk I’m willing to take.” Nick picked up the huge sunhat and put it on. “I’m ready for my close up, Carrots. Come on, let’s get our faces on.”

What do you do, reader?

Option 1: Let’s get pretty! Turn to Chapter 21!

Option 2: Nick and Judy are pretty enough as it is, thank you. Turn to Chapter 87!

Chapter Text

“Okay… I can’t take this anymore,” Judy suddenly blurted out. “I cannot just wait here and do nothing when something needs to be done, that’s not who I am. I know it’s probably stupid and hasty, but… fudge, if even one mammal gets hurt when I could have stopped it, I will not be able to sleep at night. Not tonight, not ever.”

She looked exhausted just getting that out of her system. Consequently, her partner hadn’t the heart to make a clever quip; he just gave her a look that might as well have been a hug. “I had a funny feeling you’d say that. If anything, I’m shocked you didn’t say it sooner.” (Okay, he could squeeze a little quip in there, just a tiny one.)

“I’m sorry,” the bunny sighed as she thought about the suicide mission she may have been about to embark on. “It’s risky, it’s stupid, but… gosh darnit, if I don’t do what I can, then who am I?”

“I understand,” the fox simply said, chillingly sober in a way he rarely was.

“Listen -- I’ll go ahead, you stay here and wait for the reinforcements, now that we know our phones work outside the Gaboose, I’ll call you if I--”

“Wait, wait, wait, timeout,” Nick cut her off, much closer to his usual animated self. “...You really think I’m gonna let you go alone?”

Despite the urgency, Judy had to crack a smile. “Nick, I appreciate it, but I really think it’s best if only one of us goes, one of us really should stay here for when the reinforcements get here, and it wouldn’t be fair for you to get hurt just because I wanna do something stupid--”

“Miz Hopps,” the fox said with a vulpine smirk brewing, “I’m a rebel. If I’m not listening to my boss, then I’m most certainly not listening to you.”

A small part of her was frustrated to be defied, but that was far outweighed by the larger part of her that was glad he had her back whether she liked it or not. “If I had to be stuck in a tacky caboose on a speeding train to nowhere… I’m glad I’m stuck in here with you.

“And the feeling is mutual, Officer Carrots,” Nick said with a dashing nod.

Less than sixty seconds later, the duo had ascended the ladder to the observation window in the small tower-like structure that stuck up about an extra quarter of the height of the rest of the Gaboose. For maximum leverage, the bunny sat on the fox’s shoulders while grasping the ladder with her own hands as well. Judy only took her paws off when they reached the top as she tried uselessly to open any of the windows even a crack, but alas, these windows were not meant to be opened. They each pondered what could be done before Judy said something unexpected.

“Willing to sacrifice your tie?”

“My tie?”

“It’s not an essential article of clothing, is it?”

“It is for my identity! Hey, things like ties are what separate us from our savage ancestors. Next you’re gonna ask me to go running around without any pants on.”

“Pfft, don’t give me any ideas. But for real, I have a plan for it.”

That’s all he needed to hear, but he still pondered the details. “What’s the plan?” he asked as he undid his accessory.

“Brute force.”

“Hmph, why didn’t I think of that!?”

Judy grabbed Nick’s tie and began to wrap it around her fist. Then she had an even better idea. “I’m gonna need you to be as still as you can while I do this,” she instructed as she started to instead spool the tie around her foot. “And… actually?” She bit violently down on the tie at roughly its midpoint and handed him the thinner end. “Cover your eyes.”

“Oh, this oughta be good,” the fox remarked as he accepted his tie back to blindfold himself, but not before he gave it a kiss. “Goodnight, sweet prince…”

Nick protected his eyes as Judy protected her foot, and they were as ready as they’d ever be.

“Alright…” the bunny mumbled under her breath, “here goes nothin’...”

She gave it a good kick; the glass spider-cracked, but did not shatter. So she gave it another good kick. Then another. Then she gave it a bad kick.

“MMPH!”

“You alright?” asked her sightless partner.

“Got that one at a bad angle, but it’s not stopping me.” And it didn’t.

Thump, THUMP, THUMP, THUMP.

Crash. Crunch. The sound of thousands of shards of glass hitting the roof of the Gaboose like a monsoon of raindrops. A few tiny shards fell inwards, dusting the officers’ clothes and sprinkling on the floor below.

“Thank God I had eye protection,” Nick said as he felt the stray crystals of glass land in his fur, speaking loudly now that there was nothing keeping the sound out. “Is it safe to take this off now?”

“Actually, I think I need that part now.”

Nick removed his blindfold and handed it to Judy, who used it to break off as many pieces of glass as she could from the frame as well as to brush the shards away from the roof before them. She wasn’t able to completely clear away the obstacles and debris, but it was much less threatening than if she hadn’t tried to clean it up at all.

“Okay, this is gonna stink…” Judy said with a determined gulp. “You ready?”

“No. Let’s rock and roll.”

The bunny went through the hole first, with assistance from the fox lifting her through it. For her, the hard part was getting her balance on the rumbling roof as it swayed to and fro. Fortunately, her big feet gave her some leverage after using her hands to get some stability. This came at the cost, however, of being the one to take the brunt of the tiniest shards of glass still on the roof, and her hands and feet alike felt like she was trying to climb a cactus.

Nick’s issue was that he was bigger, and although a fox would easily fit through the hole in normal conditions, this shaking train did not constitute a normal condition. His struggle was not bouncing into the jagged edges of glass every time the Gaboose trembled, and he did not get through as smoothly and seamlessly as he’d like to imagine he would have if he were indeed a BAMF. Judy did what she could to help guide him out without hitting the knives that he slid between, but she was only one bunny, and his trademark green Hawaiian shirt incurred more than a few holes and tears by the time he had escaped their luxurious prison. But his shirt wasn’t what she was concerned about.

“Are you alright?” she asked worriedly as she grabbed him by the arms that had bumped the sides many more times than she would have liked. She looked at one of her paws and saw it had been speckled with spots of red when she touched him. “Goshdarnit, you’re bleeding…”

“Hey, not to worry!” Nick tried valiantly to shrug off despite large swaths of his epidermis screaming in agony at the pins and needles sensation that just wouldn’t cease. “It’s red, blends right in!”

Judy wasn’t charmed. “I don’t think it blends in with green,” she said, pointing to the similar constellations of red stains that had materialized around the rips in his shirt.

He looked down and noticed what she was referring to. “...Alright, I’m rolling with it. Green and red, merry Christmas! Besides, this shirt’s old anyway, I think I need a new color. You think purple would suit me?”

“I’m unironically elated that you’re able to keep witty bantering in the middle of a situation like this,” the bunny said flatly despite a wry smirk and a raised eyebrow to denote that she wasn’t being entirely sarcastic.

“What can I say? Clever quips in the face of danger are how I stay sane. I’m ‘coping’ as the kids say!”

“Then I hope you never stop,” the bunny said with a more earnest smile as she turned and led the fox down the roof.

The roof was a roof. It was gently arched and had a chimney-like structure sticking up in their way, but other than the shaking of the train, there were no other extra obstacles to overcome up here. It wasn’t covered in glue or banana peels or ninjas, it was just a roof. Whoever locked them in the Gaboose either didn’t think they would get this far, or they didn’t care because they thought that a curved roof on a shaking train was enough of an insurmountable challenge as it was. And to the credit of these mysterious ne’er-do-wells, it was a tough task -- oh, and also the roof was made of metal and it had been baking in the sun, I forgot to mention that, oops lol.

But the dutiful officers pushed through the pains of the scalding surface on their paw pads and the millions of tiny glass fragments buried in their fur as they army-crawled down the length of the Gaboose to its end next to the adjacent car. (They’d each like me to lie and tell you that they badassly walked across the roof like it was nothing, but I must maintain my journalistic integrity.) Then they got to their destination, and that’s when things really became a challenge.

“Okie dokie…” Nick began, struggling to sound cool when he had to project over the noise. “...How we getting down there?”

“Very carefully,” Judy retorted as she wondered the same thing, glaring at the gap below as though she could simply bully it into submission. “...I have an idea.”

She didn’t waste time explaining, she just did it. She spun around to stick her legs over the edge and pushed off with her arms, falling towards the opposite passenger car.

To Nick, all he saw was one of his favorite people descending into the deathly crevasse between the two. “JUDY--!!”

But he spoke too soon. He hardly got her name out before he saw what she had in mind. She specifically pushed off the other car with her lapine legs to safely launch her onto the platform of the Gaboose under the canopy. It was a rough landing, but it was a better one than landing on the rails below.

When she was done groaning in pain, she called up to him. “Alright… you ready to try?”

Peering over the ledge and down at the platform immediately beneath him, the fox wanted to be relieved that she was safe, but was more than a bit perplexed by that question. “...I’m not a bunny, Carrots! Did you forget!?”

“...No!” Indeed, she hadn’t forgotten her favorite fox was a fox, she’d just forgotten that not every mammal had legs like hers and couldn’t all pull off a move like that. But there was a way to use his vulpine attributes to their advantage. “...I have a more fox-friendly idea, but you’re not gonna like it.”

“Then why would you propose it!?”

“Because I’m sure it’ll work! Listen: turn around, start climbing down feet-first.”

If anybody else had instructed him to do that, he wouldn’t have trusted them. But this was Judy, and Nick trusted her with his life -- and maybe that was still foolish, but eh, there wasn’t much better to trust in a moment like that.

The fox did as he was told; he spun himself around until his feet were sticking out over the gap, then his legs, and he pushed off gently until his waist was over the edge and his lower body went vertical.

“Alright, now slide down and hang down from the roof by your hands,” Judy continued.

“ARE YOU NUTS!?”

“No, I’m Carrots,” the bunny replied without missing a beat; she’d been saving that comeback for months and lamented that the opportunity to use it finally arose as they were fighting for their lives and freedom -- and the lives and freedom of so many others. “You’re safer coming down than hanging onto the roof, just come on, I’ve got you!”

Energy having been thoroughly matched, the fox felt helpless but to go along with the plan. Gripping the edge of the roof for dear life, he slowly pushed his torso off until that too went vertical.

Consequently, this lowered the rest of his body as well. Judy knew what she had to do; Nick wouldn’t like it, but it was easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

“...YEEOUCH!”

The poor fox yelped as he felt the rabbit jump up and yank down on his big fluffy tail while pulling him inward towards the safety of the Gaboose’s platform. This landing hurt Judy more than the first one, but she knew she wasn’t the one hurting worst.

“Oh my God, that hurt!” Nick writhed as he grasped his tail.

“I’m sure it does,” Judy said apologetically, but firmly, “but it probably hurt less than getting run over by a speeding train.”

“...Well ain’t you just a barrel of sunshine?” Nick scoffed as he grabbed the railing and stood.

The hard part was done -- the physically hard part, it should be clarified, because whatever awaited them was probably going to be immensely taxing in a much more emotional and cerebral manner. But as that screaming doe had proven earlier, the door to the next car wasn’t locked. Literally the only thing holding them back was fear of the unknown laying behind that door -- and for one of them, that meant fearing the unknown things that a known variable would thrown at them. Judy reached over the gap for the handle.

“Wait, hold on,” Nick spoke up.

“What? Why?” asked Judy.

The fox had his key card that Brian had provided for reentering the Gaboose and was tapping it against the magnetic reader strip that ran up and down the door frame so mammals of any stature could reach it. The strip was lighting up as the indicator on a hotel room door handle would, and a beep could faintly be heard above the noise of the train. He tried multiple times to open the door, which should have been possible if the light and the chime were anything to go by, but no matter how much he messed with the handle, the lever just wouldn’t budge all the way.

“You’re seriously messing with that now?” the bunny asked in disbelief.

“Yes! It’s pissing me off, what’s even keeping it stuck!? There’s not a padlock on it or anything!” He paused to groan and heave as he pulled uselessly on the latch again. “...Besides, all our stuff is in there.”

…M’kay, that was kind of a good point. “Hold on…” Judy took the few steps over to the door and grabbed the handle along with Nick, who picked up what she was putting down and tapped the key card one more time. With their might combined…

Thump.

…they got it open. Kind of. The bolt had come out of its bore hole and they’d gotten the door to open inward, but hardly an inch or so. They couldn’t even see past the doorframe into the cabin. But they could clearly see what the holdup had been.

“GUM!?” Nick barked when he saw the half-hardened putty-like substance stretching out of the bore hole.

“Ewww…” Judy winced. “Well… whatever works, I guess. And it worked.”

“But now we know it wasn’t just an incompetent railroad worker, gum doesn’t get shoved in a lock by accident,” the furious fox observed. “Somebody wanted us stuck in there.”

“...That’s a very good point,” the bunny agreed as she considered it. And as disgusting as it was (morally and hygienically), that gum was a sign that they needed to kick this into high gear. “Let’s do this.”

And so they did.

There’s only one way to go from here, reader. Turn to Chapter 33.

Chapter Text

"Let's... do nothing!" Judy decided. "Wait, what? NO! Why would I say that?!"

"You see? It's not just me!"

"Wait!" Judy held up a paw. "I think the train is slowing down!"

Nick paused. "Hey, you're right."

"Do you think the ZPD is stopping it?"

"I have no idea. Maybe the situation resolved itself.”

Judy thought for a moment. "Maybe us not being able to come up with ideas is our instincts telling us we need to stay put. That that's the best decision."

"You really think so?" Nick asked.

"No, but I have no idea how else to rationalize this."

He nodded. "Fair enough. But I do have another idea. An actual one this time."

"Shoot."

"What if we were to just... pretend none of this ever happened?"

"I... I don't follow."

"Like, if we were to pick some other option right now, then we'll just pretend we went with that from the beginning. Then the train will still be moving and we'll have the chance to do something other than nothing."

Judy’s head tilted very slowly to the left. "Nick, are you okay?"

"Clearly I'm not! Please just choose something!"

It's okay to make bad choices, dear reader. So let's just pretend this never happened, okay?

To have them escape the Gaboose via the back door, turn to Chapter 2!

To have them try busting down the main door again, turn to Chapter 3!

To keep waiting around, turn to Chapter 20!

Chapter Text

The train arrived at Bunnyburrow. The station was overflowing with mammals of all shapes and sizes, while Judy and Nick were guiding the huge giraffe child over to Judy’s parents.

“Hey Mom and Dad! Me and Nick need to take a little road trip before we can go back home.”

“How come? We planned out a whole dinner for you two and everything,” Bonnie said. “And also… how come you are with this giraffe? Oh wait, this was the one on the news!”

“Oh no… it reached over here too?” Judy said, thinking about all the questions her siblings would now ask her and Nick.

“Of course,” Stu said, “your uncle Bob was watching that Ben Sheepiro person on EweTube, and he was talking about the problem about interspecies relationships. It was funny, because Bob was convinced that you two were actually dating. I mean, you two are just friends… right?”

Frozen in fear of the uncomfortable conversations she most likely would have with her family that night , she struggled to think of a reply. In fact, she was so busy in her own mind that she wasn’t really paying attention to Stu. She couldn’t even answer the question, because she didn’t even know herself. I mean, she and Nick get along pretty well, and over the months they had gotten pretty close. But was he just a close friend… or was he something more than that?

“Earth to Judy?” Stu waved his paw in front of Judy, who suddenly snapped out of her intrusive daydreams and focused fully on her dad.

“Uh, yeah. Me and Nick are just friends, nothing really going on,” Judy laughed nervously. “But this giraffe here, Natasha, me and Nick need to reunite with her mother. Some… stuff happened, and now her mother is in Patchville, so we just need to take a one hour drive over there and we’ll be right back by dinner.”

“Alright Judy. We’ll ask Gideon if you can borrow his van. He is just stocking some pies at a store about 15 minutes from here, so if he agrees you two won’t have to wait very long.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Anything to help you, dear.” Bonnie pulled out her phone to text Gideon.

–a few moments pass–

As Judy defeated yet another person on the mobile game Clash Roarayle, Gideon parked at the parking lot of the Bunnyburrow Station.

Judy ran over to Gideon and gave him a hug. “Thanks so much!”

“No problem! There should be enough room in there for you, Nick, and that giraffe.” Gideon said as he took out a box from his van and hid it behind his back. “Good luck on your lil’ mission, Judy. I’ll see you later for dinner, I hope you like what I made for dessert.”

“I’m sure it’s amazing. See you later, Gideon.”

Gideon walked over to Stu and Bonnie as the cops and the giraffe kid prepared to leave in Stu’s old truck. Judy sat in the driver’s seat as Nick sat beside her in the passenger’s seat, with Natasha sitting with all of the pies at the back. Judy fired up the engine and began the drive over to Patchville.

Exhausted from all of that swimming, the middle-aged giraffe woman laid on her back on the sandy beach. Cold water rushed up to her hooved toes, and dropped back down as if the lake were respirating. Her eyes slowly opened, seeing an old bunny looking right at her.

“Howdy there, partner,” the old man said, “aren’t ya that lady from TV?”

“Huh? Oh, yes. My name is Sasha Longneck, and I need transportation to Zootopia.” The woman reached for a handshake.

“Sure thing. Which part a’ Zootopia are ya lookin’ for?”

“Tundratown.”

Judy parked the van right outside of an iHop.

“We got a little bit left to go, so let's head out for some lunch!”

The three mammals headed inside and were greeted by an overtired and thoroughly stressed teenage rabbit employee. “Welcome to iHop. How may we serve you today?”

“We’re just looking for a table for three.”

He sighed, not knowing what else he was expecting. “Right this way.”

Judy looked at the young bunny and asked, “Everything alright?”

“Oh, yeah,” he replied, “just dealt with a difficult customer wanting a refund after he ate everything. Kinda hard to deal with that stuff on top of everything going on in my life and the world as a whole, like that whole interspecies… oh wait… you’re Judy Hopps, aren’t you?”

“Yes I am!”

“No way! I'm a big fan of yours. You inspired me to chase my dreams of being a firefighter. I know how tough it must be for you to be out in public and all, I’ll tell my coworkers to watch out for you so no one causes you any trouble.” He gestured over to a table with a window overlooking the parking lot. “Here is your table. Your waiter will be ready in a moment.”

As the employee left them, Natasha started to get a bit squirmy. “Judy, I need to use the bathroom.”

“That’s okay, you can go.”

The giraffe took off, leaving Judy and Nick alone together.

Judy looked around to make sure no one was listening, and then asked Nick, “Do you love me?”

Nick was playing around with a bottle of ketchup, reading the nutrition facts on the back. “Um, what do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, Nick.”

“Well.. uhh.. I mean… kinda?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, I think you’re cute and all. And sometimes I think about if we started a relationship like that. But the thing is, I’m bad at that kinda stuff. The last girlfriend I had… I blew it. Ruined such a good relationship just because of a slip up. And you’re a good friend, Judy, and I don’t want to ruin it by asking you out or anything. So just to ensure I don’t lose you, I won’t act on any romantic feelings I occasionally have for you.”

Judy wiped some sudden tears from her purple eyes and placed her paw on Nick’s. “Thanks for telling me that. I really appreciate it.”

Nick looked at her. “What about you? Do you love me?”

Judy froze. She still didn’t know the answer herself.

“I’m… not too sure.”

Mr. Foxworth woke up in his cold, wooden fishing shack. He lived on the second floor, with a window overlooking the empty street outside. The winter fog still swept the little part of Tundratown he lived in, making it hard to see anyone or anything. But he could still make out the headlights of a truck leaving the area, and it seemed like it dropped off a silhouette of a giraffe. It must be Sasha… again.

Mr. Foxworth opened the door, letting her in. “What can I do for you today?”

“I need Sam Stripes’ number.”

“Huh, Stripes, eh? What is this about?”

“It’s about Nick and Judy. They have my daughter, and I’m worried they’ll turn her against me. If that happens, Stripes might just lose in his campaign. I need him to win, he is the only chance that the legislation gets put in place.”

The arctic fox scratched at the back of his neck. “Uh… Judy and Nick. Didn’t they die while fighting Bellwether in that space station thing?”

“What? No. That must’ve been one of your dreams again.”

“Oh right, it probably was. Sorry about that.” Mr. Foxworth walked to the back of his fishing shack and started boiling a cup of coffee. “The phone book should be on the table beside me.”

Sasha flipped through the phone book, scanning through all the S names.

“So, how come you don’t have this information saved on your phone?”

The giraffe grabbed a piece of scrap paper from the table and wrote down Sam’s number. “Because my phone is at the bottom of a lake. That stupid bunny cop kicked me off the train.”

“Huh, how inconvenient,” Mr. Foxworth said with a sarcastic tone in his voice. He took a sip of his coffee as Sasha went over to the landline phone beside the fridge.

“Woah, iHop was such a cool restaurant!” Natasha said. “Thanks Judy for letting me have the chocolate milkshake. My mom would never! I think she is wrong about you being mean and stuff.”

“Thanks, Natasha,” Judy said as she turned on the van.

About ten minutes of car karaoke later, Judy found that they were approaching a fork in the road. “Uh, Nick, what direction does the map say to go in the fork in the road?”

Nick pulled out the map and scratched the fur on his chin. This was Nick’s first time ever reading a map! He’d never needed one in Zootopia, he had the whole city memorized. He sat there stumped, did the map say to go left or to go right?

To turn left, turn to Chapter 25.
To turn right, turn to Chapter 30.

Chapter Text

Nick and Judy were still thinking about what to do. Charging all-in wasn’t a safe option even if Judy wanted to so badly, but it’d be a death sentence if they weren’t prepared. Still, they were having their ideas in their heads of how to approach this, since the backup would take too long and mammals were already in danger. They had so much to do… and so little time.

Then, anyone close to them could hear a light popping on Nick’s head. “Wait, if we have a signal here, why don’t we call Vol? Maybe he has an idea on who to ask in order to contact Gazelle.”

“That… might work. I hope he can tell his buddy to tell Gazelle, then he could contact her,” Judy agreed. “Music related, it’d make sense.”

“I think he can do this kind of job very well, we can try.” Nick pulled out his phone and called for his blue-furred fellow officer, Vol Jimenez. Searching the number and then pressing the call button. It didn’t take long to pick up. “Yo, buddy.”

“Nick?!”A nervous voice came from the phone. “I heard from the news what’s happening. I refuse to believe the reports. Please, fill me with the situation!”

“Are you doubting us? Tschk, and we trust you so well, that hurts.” Nick tried to calm his buddy with a joke.

“I-I’m not doubting you! I just want to know what’s happening, I know you wouldn’t hijack a train!”

“I’ll fill you with the details, just calm down. I can tell you they aren’t us.” He started relaying everything that had happened so far to Vol, and how they were in the Gazelle caboose and needed a way to get to the impostors fast. “Would you be able to call your bear buddy who works on the radio? What’s his name again, Shane Cavey? Maybe he could find a way to contact Gazelle; I’m sure he has radio contacts or something.”

Vol could only shake his head at the news he received, it practically could be heard on the phone. “Uh… yeah, sure. I can call him, I’m sure he’ll be able to contact Gazelle. By the way, you really didn’t find anything to be used to get out of there?”

“That’s why we called you, silly,” Judy answered now. “She’ll probably know what to use or what she has to take down those baddies. It’s her private caboose after all!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll try to contact the cuddly buddy bear,” Vol said after trying to look for more options. Of course he liked to talk to his friend Shane, but he wanted to make sure every resource was used.

“We can count on you… but you had to call him ‘cuddly bear’?” Nick answered, not annoyed, but more like questioning.

Vol only chuckled. “Well, meet him and you’ll find out why. I’ll call back if I can to say what happened.”The call disconnected.

Nick looked at his phone, raising an eyebrow. “Sometimes he’s so weird… and not talking only about his colors, you know…” He shrugged and smiled. “But he’s a friend, I hope he can help us.”

“At least he’ll try, that’s for sure… Meanwhile, we have to look for ourselves now. Keep looking for an exit.” And with that, both started looking for any other way out. They were impatient inside, they wanted to bring justice now… but they still needed to think it through.

Vol also looked at the phone and smiled. “I knew they were just fake… I mean, that ‘Nick’ wasn't as handsome as the real Nick is…” He shook his head. “Focus, Vol! There’s a task to do!”

Then he started scrolling through his phone and found the contact “Shane Cavey”, but before pressing the call button he stopped and pondered more ideas.

“Wait, I don’t know if Gazelle is gonna be reachable after I call my buddy. What if I try to hashtag Gazelle on social media?” He put his paw on the lower part of his jaw. “What should I do? If I go on social media, maybe she can see it faster or maybe it just doesn’t go through… But telling Shane to tell her manager is more likely to work, even if it takes longer? Would her manager even answer him? Would she or any of her team see my message in a social post?”

Time was of the essence; Nick and Judy were counting on him. He needed to make a decision, and fast!

Option A: Vol calls Shane to try and contact Gazelle’s management to alert her. Chapter 26!

Option B: Vol tries to contact Gazelle via social media. Chapter 27!

Chapter Text

“...Alright, fine,” Judy said, sounding like she was healing the words up involuntarily. “We’ll wait for backup.”

“I think that’s the wise decision,” Nick murmured apologetically. “...Maybe not the fun, action-movie decision, but… the real-world one. Besides, we already got lucky messing around on a moving train once… no way we get lucky twice, right?”

“I guess so…” the bunny muttered as she walked back inside. “C’mon, no sense standing out here where we can’t hear anything and might fall off the next time we hit a bump…”

Concerned, the fox did follow her in, if only so it would be quieter and he could ask what was going on in your head. “Are you alright, Carrots?”

She looked ever so slightly offended by that question. “I don’t think it’d be appropriate to say I was alright even if I was,” she answered as she gestured with both arms to the opposite door leading to the rest of the train, invoking the utter chaos on just the other side.

And he was just a bit offended that she was just a bit offended. “Judy, c’mon, I’m just trying to… y’know, express that I give a damn about you! I know you, I know that just sitting back and waiting isn’t gonna sit well with you.”

But, avoiding eye contact, Judy just sighed. “And, hey, I appreciate the concern. But -- argh, you’re right. This isn’t a movie, this is reality, we have to just sit here and wait and hope they don’t take too long.”

Hey, you know Judy, too; everyone knows Judy Hopps, she’s freaking famous! So it wouldn’t surprise you to hear that Nick was spot on, sitting and biding her time helplessly as she waited for someone to help her help others… that just felt like a personal failure, a mark upon her character and who she sought to be.

Though it should be said, speaking of things that were personal, it wasn’t just internal turmoil eating her up. There was something very external stressing her out just the same. Other Judy -- one of two things was about to happen, either Other Judy would successfully cause a great amount of harm to a great number of mammals, or Other Judy would not do that only because Real Judy had forcibly stopped her. Neither of those options seemed appealing. The bunny didn’t want to dwell on the question of what could have ever made her opposite number do something so insane, but for lack of anything else to do but think, think about it she did. Even “Try Everything” playing on loop was beginning to sound like white noise.

It felt like hours; it probably wasn’t, but it felt like it. They couldn’t tell you how long it actually took because they’d both resolved to keep their eyes off any time-telling device, lest they lose their minds and their patience even more. But eventually, all that waiting finally paid off.

It began when the ambient noise started to get louder. While they’d already each tuned out “Try Everything” in their heads, it soon clicked with them that it was so loud that they couldn’t actually hear the music anymore over the racket. And said racket sounded like more than just a train.

They made their way to the back of the Gaboose and looked out its rear windows; they couldn’t see too well from that angle, but they could certainly see something was there. Without hesitation, they opened the door and stepped out onto the back balcony. Not a moment too soon.

A SWAT team was descending from a helicopter hovering overhead, a quartet of cops climbing down a rope ladder to nowhere. Immediately recognizing that the cavalry had arrived, Nick and Judy did their part by reaching for the bottom of the rope ladder and holding it to the Gaboose’s guardrail, doing what they could to help the cops get their footing safely onto the platform. I say “doing what they could to help” because these four were all much, much bigger than the fox and the rabbit. There was a horse, a bull, a ram, and last off the ladder was a sow. None of them said a word until the pig was aboard.

“Hopps and Wilde, ZPD?” she asked, though she appeared confident of the answer.

“Yes, Officer,” Judy affirmed, Nick nodding along.

“Alicia Hamilton, Cornfield County PD,” she said as she gestured for her cohorts to give something up. “We didn’t have SWAT gear in your sizes, but we got you what we could: weapons, helmets, rudimentary armor -- your Chief Bogo gave us your measurements and we were as resourceful as we could be as quickly as we could be.”

The rural department had indeed been resourceful, but their resources were indeed rudimentary. Instead of bulletproof vests, lead aprons from a dentist’s office; instead of SWAT helmets, a baseball helmet for Nick and a softball helmet for Judy. But one thing they didn’t need to substitute were the weapons. The officers handed their big-city colleagues each a taser, a tranq gun, and… well…

“Hey, just so we’re clear…” Judy spoke up hesitantly, afraid this was a stupid question. “...Are these lethals?”

All four County officers raised an eyebrow. “Of course it is, you’re in the country,” said Hamilton. “And reports are that they have them too.”

The bunny chuckled nervously as she clipped the gun’s holster. “Oh, oh, I-I figured, hey, I’m a country girl myself!” Cheese and crackers, I hope I don’t need to use this… I barely want to use the other two. “B-but, uh… hey. Thanks for coming to back us up.”

“Hey yourself,” the pig said in a straightforward tone that sounded flippant at first, before it didn’t. “You’re the reason I’m this department’s first female SWAT officer… about time I returned the favor.”

The bunny was at a loss for words. Her efforts had directly led to this mammal being in a position to help her, Nick, and so many others when they needed it most. Judy wanted to be proud, but it felt uncouth to even remotely make this about herself. So she simply gave a nod with a pursed, tight-lipped smile, a dutiful and professional smile that conveyed that joy was inappropriate at the moment but that she was nevertheless pleased.

With that, she turned to her similarly speechless partner, just about done getting his gear on.

“You feeling alright, Nick? You haven’t made a wisecrack since they got here.”

He took a deep breath through his nose as he looked off at nothing in particular with an expression so serious that it seemed unfitting of this particular fox’s face. “I wanted to, but I’m not wasting time. Let’s do this.”

Judy simply gave him the same nod she’d given Alicia, and hoped that ‘doing this’ wouldn’t entail what she worried it would.

“So that door is locked?” the bull bellowed as he pointed at the opposite entryway that had vexed them so.

“It is, yeah,” Nick affirmed.

The SWAT team readied their battering ram. Clearing the aisle for him, the ram got a running start and battered the door with his horns repeatedly. It took five or six tries, but he eventually got it to bend and break enough that you could see light forming in a gap. The actual lock was still engaged, though, so the ram turned it over to the horse, who ran up to the door just to turn around, plant his front hooved hands, and kick the bejesus out of the door. Whatever was keeping that thing shut, it didn’t matter, because it had failed and the cops had succeeded.

The next door into the last passenger car was not locked at all. The SWAT team led the Zootopian officers in, and the party started.

“POLICE, EVERYBODY ON THE GROUND!” the bull boomed. And yet he nearly blew his vocal cords out for nothing; most of these civilians were already on the ground, hiding from the train robbers.

“WHERE ARE THEY!?” Hamilton demanded, and the passengers all pointed forward towards the next car. The six of them hurried in there, and the cycle repeated, this cabin’s passengers directing them to the next car ahead still. The mammals in the next car did exactly the same. There were only so many more cars on this train.

As they ran through the shaking train, Nick and Judy couldn’t help but catch glimpses of the innocent civilians huddled on the floor and cowering for their lives. And these civilians saw them too -- many of them looked desperately confused to see another Hopps and Wilde after they thought they’d just been mugged by them. Others looked relieved, as though they’d figured the bandits couldn’t have been the real ones and were as happy as circumstances would allow that they’d been vindicated. A scant few found the courage to express genuine joy at the sight of the bona fide bunny and fox, and fewer still were possessed to crack a laugh at the eccentric armor they were sporting.

And there was at least one mammal aboard that train who felt all these things at once.

“MOMMY!” a high-pitched voice squealed. “IT’S THEM!”

In fairness, the giraffes didn’t have much of the luxury of putting their whole bodies on the floor, long necks of theirs sticking out into the aisle if they did. This gave young Natasha and her mom a good vantage point to see that the young girl was right.

“Natasha!” her mother scolded in a harsh whisper. “Keep your voice down!”

“But I knew that wasn’t the real them!”

Nick and Judy both wanted to thank this child for keeping the faith, but alas, they simply did not have time.

Onto the next coach. Hamilton radioed their commander to inquire if there was any new intel on the hijackers’ whereabouts, but alas, the mammals on the other end were just as clueless. They knew they must be getting close to the attackers, so the SWAT members with the heaviest armor went in first, with Hopps and Wilde following behind.

“SWAT TEAM, EVERYBODY ON THE GROUND!” Hamilton hollered, her voice projecting over the rumble of the train. The passengers obeyed, leaving no criminals to be seen.

Perhaps the pig had bellowed a bit too loud, and perhaps the cops, between their adrenaline and the unorthodox situation derailing their own train of thought, had become falsely confident that the areas that they passed were clear.

“WHERE ARE THEY?”

Someone tried to speak up. “She’s in the--!”

‘She’ interrupted the scene. Bursting out of a bathroom, the rabbit who looked just like Judy grabbed the trailing cop from behind, one arm putting Judy in a headlock and the other holding a pistol to her head.

“Anybody moves a muscle, I’m killing her!” barked the bunny who even sounded just like Officer Hopps.

Nick and the SWAT team had already spun around and pointed their own weapons at her by the time she’d finished their sentence, so that action was grandfathered in before the warning. Now the tension reached a new echelon. Any gameplan was out the window, and they had to deal with this impromptu. For the SWAT team, while it was by no means easy, this was their specialty, and they knew how to stay composed and professional under such intense pressure. For Nick, however, while he’d certainly been in perilous situations in his time as a ZPD officer, this was not only a new level of danger, but a new level of personal. The fox was very tempted to defy the gumwoman solely on principle; how dare she threaten to take away his favorite bunny in the world?

And said bunny could see that in her favorite fox’s eyes. If anyone else were holding a gun to her head, Judy would be elated -- or elated as she could be in the circumstances -- to see that he cared that passionately about keeping her safe. But oh, how he didn’t know how this dilemma was even more personal for her than it was for him. She knew what he wanted to do, and if things had been different, she would have no problem with him throwing caution to the wind, breaking proper protocol, and risking it to save her and to save a lot of other mammals. But as for taking a shot at this particular culprit? That might beget a situation where, even if Judy survived, cleaning up afterwards might be a fate worse than death.

“What do you want!?” Hamilton hollered at the rabbit with the pistol. The SWAT team were ready to take a shot too, but this was the suspect’s one and only shot at getting out of this alive if she answered in a way that wasn’t completely insane.

“You want these people to live!?” the bandit bunny spat. “Turn your guns on yourselves! Leave us alone and make like you were never here, and these people might just get home!”

Yeah, no, that wasn’t happening. Judy didn’t even know whether her sister really thought that they’d actually do that to save these passengers, but she couldn’t dwell on it. In a fraction of a second, Nick and the SWAT team were going to unload on the perpetrator -- and between the violent shaking of the train and the high likelihood that Jolene wouldn’t hesitate to use her own sister as a shield, Judy knew it was probable that she’d get hit as well.

Dozens upon dozens of questions flooded Judy’s mind in the form of instantaneous inklings. Her sister had clearly done wrong and deserved punishment, but had she done enough to warrant death? Had Jolene killed anybody? Was Jolene even serious about threatening Judy? Was her sister losing her mind and desperately needed help? Could she be helped? Was Jolene the victim of a circumstance where she couldn’t receive help for mental illness amid the scant resources of Bunnyburrow? Was it possible that this was all an elaborate act of suicide-by-cop and this is exactly how Jolene wanted this to end? If not that, then what was she trying to accomplish by doing this? Did it even matter at this point? Where should forgiveness stop? Should forgiveness stop? Was “evil” a real tangible thing or just a concept we attribute to those who go sinfully astray? What would the social fallout be if Jolene died, or if Judy herself died, or if they both died, or if they both somehow survived and had to explain themselves? And perhaps most relevantly, regarding that part of her that held dear the small-town value of treasuring and protecting family above all things -- was that a virtue Judy should hold on to, or a foolish old-fashioned adage that she should have left behind in Bunnyburrow?

Time was moving in slow motion, yet still not moving slowly enough. Judy’s eyes were fixed on the fox’s. She had never seen his eyes so wild; the closest had been when he pretended to get hit with a Nighthowler and turn savage, but this time, Nick clearly wasn’t faking it. This predator was thirsty for the blood of one very specific specimen of prey.

To tell them not to shoot and spare her sister, at the risk of letting Jolene feel like she’s in control, turn to Chapter 22.

To let them do as they will, and to deal with the risks and ramifications of what will come from that, turn to Chapter 23.

Don’t even think about it. You need to make a decision now. The choice is yours.

Chapter Text

Nick and Judy continued to do absolutely nothing, lying supine across the couches and staring blankly up at the ceiling.

"Anything else happen?" Nick asked.

"Nope," Judy replied.

"What about the phone?"

Judy humored him by checking it. "Nope."

"Okay, cool. Just making sure."

"Mmm."

Welp, you reap what you sow. Wanna keep sowing?

To have them escape the Gaboose via the back door, turn to Chapter 2!

To have them try busting down the main door again, turn to Chapter 3!

To keep waiting around, turn to Chapter 24!

Chapter Text

“I don’t even know how to use any of this stuff,” Judy said, opening up another compact and looking at it with just as much confusion as the last few. “Are you sure we have to do this?”

“Oh hush, it’ll spoil the fun. Besides, it has its—”

“Humiliations?” Judy finished, cocking her brow.

Nick pursed his lips. “Well, maybe, but I was more thinking ‘practicality’.”

Nick reached down and shuffled through the contents. The garment was a green summer frock, the collar and short-sleeves decorated with a delicate lace that resembled patterns similar to doilies. Judy really didn’t think it was to her tastes, especially considering it was at least two sizes too big for her.

“I guess a little make-up wouldn’t hurt to hedge our bets against getting jumped again,” she relented, and picked up a cosmetic stick labeled Marking Marker - for all your marking markup needs! “Can you pass me a mirror?”

It was 1:25 in the afternoon when the passengers of the next car all turned their heads to the bang of the door opening from the south end. Some of the mammals took a sigh and went back to their trivial occupations of reading or chatting with each other, while others stared at the newcomer. In the doorway stood a tan-furred vixen donning a bright green summer frock and two lace gloves covering her paws. On her head was a wide-brimmed hat decorated with a small, fake bouquet of begonias pinned to the wide bow that covered the hat’s rim. Hanging off one of her wrists was a red leather purse with a shining bronze buckle. The fox glanced towards a random saiga sitting nearby, the afternoon light contrasting dark piercing eyeshadow and mascara with the hot-pink of her lipstick. The fox winked at the saiga. The saiga immediately adjusted his newspaper.

It was only after a few seconds where the fox posed against the frame that she began to carefully stride her way down the train car. She donned a delightful grin, making sure that every step was perfectly calculated as she occasionally waved to one or two of the passengers looking up at her with wide bewilderment. The fox’s tail swayed, the pattern as graceful as dancing to smooth jazz in a nighttime cabaret. At some point during the stride, she looked over to a wide-eyed warthog and blew him a kiss before winking and continuing on her way. The warthog grinned at his friend, who promptly slapped the boar out of his idiotic trance. But the truth remained and every mammal in the car knew it. The fox was an enigma, but was clearly one of refined class… 

Judy, in her minimal disguise of a trenchcoat and thick black stripes marked across her cheeks, walked from the next car and glared daggers at Nick, glad that she didn’t have a temper to strangle him as she leaned against one of the poles and scanned the area. She briefly gazed over at Nick, who immediately began to chat with a moose and made the extra effort to let his tail be playful as he sat down. Nick glanced at Judy and gave her a thumbs up. Judy sighed and returned the gesture.

“Why hello there, good sir,” “Nick” began, dragging out a high-pitched southern drawl as he took the moose’s hoof.

The moose nodded once. “Greetings, ma’am.”

“How are you holding up on this rather unorthodox train ride?”

“I could do without the careening and the threat of violence, that’s for sure.” He shrugged. “At least the view's pretty nice if you want to daydream. But, honestly, it’s a shame that we can’t use our phones.” 

“Oh, for certain. Truth be told, I was rather disappointed myself. You would think that we would at least be allowed some entertainment if anything else is unavailable. But sadly…” Nick leaned back and placed a gloved paw over his forehead. “My poor aching heart cannot endure this lengthened time of perpetual boredom.”

The moose chuckled at Nick’s over-emphasis. “You don’t really travel much, do you?”

“Oh, heavens, no! It’s been years since I’ve been anywhere outside Zootopia. The stress is just too much for my poor, fragile constitution.”

He looked sympathetic. “You poor thing. You must be just beside yourself with all that’s been going on with these ruffians.”

Nick nodded and feigned distress with a sniffle. He put a handkerchief to his eye. “It’s beyond me why anyone would behave so dreadfully. I grew up with my share of ruffians, believe me, but my brothers back on the farm have nothing on this!”

He raised an eyebrow. “You lived on a farm?”

“Why yes, of course! My parents were exceptional cheesemongers. Me and my litter made sure to collaborate with the cheesemaking. Quite a process, that, pressing the cheese and weighing the cheese and cutting the cheese.” The moose laughed at the extra accent Nick put on that word. “That’s where I’m heading, in fact,” Nick continued. “There’s a new barn going up to expand the operation and I need to be there to oversee the final details.”

“Sounds like a very interesting operation.”

“It is. But enough about me. Where were you heading when everything went sideways?”

The moose looked distraught. “Ah, I was supposed to get off on the first stop after the bridge, by the bay. I had a job interview there. But now I don’t even know where we are and because those crazy ne’er-do-wells Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps took everyone’s phones, I can’t even let them know why I’m not there. What a way to lose a job opportunity…”

Nick’s ears pinned back. “Did you say Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps?”

“Yeah? I’d think I’d remember their names, they kept shouting them enough.” He made a face that scrunched his snout. “Ridiculous, waving those guns around and all that posing for selfies and social media nonsense. Did they make you take a photo with them, too?”

“Ah, no… can’t say that they did.”

“That’s a surprise. I’d think they would have definitely taken a picture with a pretty lady like you.” He put his hoof to his head. “Oh, I’m dreadfully sorry, how rude of me! I’ve been so distraught, I’m not thinking straight. I didn’t even ask your name.”

“Skye” raised a gloved fist to her mouth and cleared her throat. “Well—”

Five minutes earlier…

“I’m Skye Winter, a Southern belle with big aspirations and a dream of seeing the world. I’ve wanted to for years.”, Nick said, doing his best to keep the accent consistent. He let out a deep sigh, “I remember it just like it was yesterday. Or three days ago, depending on who you ask. Mama sitting in her rocking chair, reading to me about the one hundred and one places I could visit to them when I grow up and move out of the house. And I looked towards the blooming magnolias, and squinted as the rays of light between the petals blinded me for a few seconds and I vowed that I’d get there. And maybe, just maybe, there would be so many opportunities ahead of me in one of these places.”

Judy stared at him with a dumbfounded expression. “Ooookay…”

“What about you, hun?”

Judy blinked in surprise. “Huh? Oh, I’m… Judy.”

“C’mon, Carrots,” Nick stressed, changing back to his normal accent, “Put more character into it. Give it hard realism, emotional passion! Weren't you big into theatre—”

“—as a kid. And besides, I thought I would be the one donning the dress?”

“Nah,” Nick said with a smug grin, “it’s more creative this way.” He let out a sharp cough and reverted back to the Southern belle accent. “So, sugar, what do you think?”

Judy considered the possibilities. Nick had a point regarding realism — it was very easy for people to get caught up in being thespians and over-exaggerating themselves into archetypes — but his point regarding passion also stood out. It needed to make sense, and the only real way to do that was through commitment. Judy pursed her lips as she continued to go through some of the ideas popping into mind until something stood out. Like a moth to a flame, the idea settled onto her and began to grow…

“Okay,” she said, nodding to herself. “Okay. Time for character backstories,” Judy said, clapping her hands once. She took a deep breath. “So—”

Five minutes later…

“The name’s Jack,” “Jack” said, dropping her voice down to a lower register and adding a little grit to her words. “Jack, uh… Savage.” 

“You don’t happen to have anything to eat on you, do you?” the porcupine next to her asked. His nose was twitching and he held his middle urgently. “I haven’t had anything to eat since before the train left the station. I’m just starving!”

“Oh, no, I don’t. My, uh… travel bag is in another car.”

His face fell. “Mine too. Now we’re stuck here without any food or water or phones…” He trailed off and looked down at his paws. He made grasping motions with his fingers. “I wish I could text my wife and find out if she’s all right…”

“Jack” put her paw on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. You were separated?”

“Yeah.” He reached up and swiped at his eyes quickly. “I just wanted to stretch my legs for a few minutes, so I took a walk to the bar car. I was just on the way back when that crazy monster of a fox came in waving his gun around and corralled us all in here with you all.”

“Terrible luck, terrible luck,” “Jack” said and shook her head. She thought back to the bar car. She didn’t remember seeing a phone there, so she asked, “Did you leave your phone at the bar, or did you drop it in the confusion?”

“What? No, the fox took it. You know, with everyone else’s.” He looked at her oddly.

“Oh! Uh, right, of course!” “Jack” knocked his fist against his head. “I’ve been processing all the craziness so slow, brain’s not quite putting everything together right.”

The porcupine seemed to accept that explanation and nodded. “Yeah, I’ve heard that can happen. I wonder what fun trauma response I have to look forward to when we get out of this. When we… if we…”

He started to sniffle hard and then promptly broke down into quiet sobs. “Jack” patted his shoulder comfortingly, and turned to find Nick. Her eyes locked squarely with his and she jerked her head toward the far end of the car, where the bathroom stalls were. He gave her a slight nod and then crowed at the mammals he was talking with.

“Lord save me, I’d better go freshen myself up a bit. A lady must always look her very best, even in the most trying of circumstances!”

Nick stood and fluttered his eyes at the rest of the group, giving a dramatic wave and then sashayed away just as Judy walked up next to him. They continued in the same direction and stopped at the end of the car where the bathroom doors were.

“So, what did you find out from your group?” Judy whispered, looking over her shoulder to make sure that they didn’t have any stray eyes on them.

“A lot of trauma, that’s for sure,” Nick said. He kept his voice low and shed the falsetto he’d been using in his disguise. “The moose said there’s a fox and a rabbit that ran in with guns brandished and basically posed for pictures and social media posts as they called themselves Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps.”

“The porcupine I was talking to said the fox was really tall and that they took all the passengers’ cell phones when they corralled them into this car.” Judy’s face turned stony serious. “Someone’s trying to make us look like villains.”

“That’s what it sounds like,” he agreed and tapped his chin. “But who would want to do something crazy like that?”

ONLY ONE WAY TO GO, TO CHAPTER 33!

Chapter Text

“WAIT, DON’T SHOOT!”

We will never know exactly why Officer Judy Hopps decided to say that; we can only, as we did in the last chapter, put forward very confident conjecture. But her true thoughts will remain a mystery, as while the SWAT team and Officer Wilde heeded her warning, the bunny with a gun to the officer’s head had had quite enough of her littermate always being the main character and extinguished Judy’s consciousness.

BANG!

And one immeasurably slim fraction of a second later:

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG! BANG BANG BANG! BANG! BANG!

The SWAT team unloaded into Jolene Hopps until they were sure she had joined her sister in wherever it is where we go when we die. Nick, however, did not partake, as the sight of what had become of his partner took much longer to process than the mere milliseconds the SWATs needed.

“You stay here, we’ll get the other one!” Hamilton instructed as she led her crew down the rest of the train to find the fraudulent fox. There were no words of condolence as they left him there to contemplate the grim sight before him; this was largely out of professionalism, having no time to spare sorries when there were threats to eliminate, and not only being used to such carnage in their line of work but assuming Nick was as well. But that was not the only reason for their clinical coldness; forgive them, but none of them learned until the dust had long settled just how much that bunny meant to him.

And Nick was still shellshocked from his loss when investigators verified that the imposter rabbit was, in fact, Judy’s own littermate sister. This did not help expedite his healing process. Already tormented by thoughts of what he could have done better to protect her, now he had to scratch his head about how that happened. The fake fox was proven to be some struggling actor with a near-barren résumé, but the fake bunny was her sister? Was this something so big and deep-seated that there was never anything he could have done to prevent this? It was enough to make him regret ever wishing he’d had a brother in his childhood. Yet that befuddlement eventually faded, and it was soon back to struggling with survivor’s guilt that left the nocturnal mammal unable to sleep at any time about the clock.

These feelings were only amplified when he saw all the tributes to Judy that she’d never get to see. All but the most jaded of mammals regarded her as a hero, and in ways that transcended the heroism she and Nick had accomplished with the Nighthowler Crisis; this time, she gave her life to save those of all the innocent passengers on the train, all of whom may have been traumatized but all of whom were alive to feel such trauma. In Zootopia, they renamed Central Station after her about a half-decade later, as well as a park here and an elementary school there; in Bunnyburrow, they went as far as building a statue to her and placing it in their town square. It would be a fool’s errand to argue that her efforts and sacrifices had been in vain.

But that didn’t make Nick feel any better. He quit the ZPD soon after; he just didn’t have the spark anymore, and few thought less of him for it. He found work as a real estate agent, and proved quite successful at it -- true, he felt a bit unclean falling back into a ‘hustler’ role after all the personal growth he’d gone through, but it was a job that played to his strengths in which he excelled with minimal effort and, more importantly, it greatly reduced the risk of having to witness such carnage ever again.

Even this, however, did not grant him a total reprieve from his grief. Every home he sold was a home he was a reminder that he was never going to share a home with someone he deeply cared about. But as each anniversary of the hijacking passed and the story of Judy’s heroics was regaled about the city again, the fox forced himself to look on the bright side that everyone else was happy, and therefore the raw amount of happiness had increased. And he told himself over and over again -- hoping that someday he’d believe it -- that this had, technically, been a happy ending.

Chapter Text

She couldn’t be the hero, but she didn’t have to be the victim. Judy kept her mouth shut, and shut her eyes as well. Then she waited.

The shots rang out, and she felt violent twitches from the body that was restraining her. Then its grip loosened, and finally it fell away from her.

Judy opened her eyes and looked down. She didn’t like what she saw, but she couldn’t look away.

“You two stay here!” Hamilton directed. “Keep these civilians safe. We’re gonna go get that fox!” The SWAT team took off down the train, where they would indeed get that fox.

But the fox that stayed back went over to the bunny and hugged her, seeming perhaps even more relieved than she was to see she’d been unharmed. “Oh, thank God you’re safe…” Nick sighed as he embraced her.

Judy stood there as emotionless as a zombie; she had to consciously tell herself to return his hug. “Thanks, Nick…” she murmured.

“I am so sorry that it came to this, Carrots,” said the fox, not because he knew who the deceased perpetrator was, but simply because he knew well that his partner in justice was never fond of conflict being resolved by tragedy. “...Who the hell was that!? Did you get any info about her before… um, that?”

Actually, upon second thought, it would stand to reason that he’d be more relieved than she was, as she knew this was far from over for them. “...I don’t know,” she lied.

They never did make it to the Hopps farm.

Back under operator control, the train pulled into the next station to evacuate all passengers and let local investigators piece together what had happened, no small part of which was interviewing railroad employees, customers, and the real Hopps and Wilde themselves. Much to Nick’s concern, Judy had maintained the same thousand-yard stare into the ether the entire time, but just assumed she was badly shaken and understandably so. In reality, she was dissociating as the only way she could think of to avoid a panic attack as she knew any coming minute she’d be asked if she knew anything about the assailants, and in a much more legally-binding way than when Nick had asked her the same thing.

But she was wrong. Before the local authorities even got around to formally questioning her, social media had solved many of the mysteries for them, and her imposter, currently undergoing autopsy at the nearest morgue, was soon confirmed to have been one Jolene Lavender Hopps of Bunnyburrow.

When the news broke amid the cleanup, everyone got quiet and tried -- and failed -- to not make it obvious that they were peeking at Judy out of the corners of their eyes to gauge her reaction. But she was still disconnected from it all, knowing there would be even more to come of this. And while a part of Nick was offended that she’d lied to him, he couldn’t be materially mad at her considering the circumstances, as he’d probably have lied as well in the moment. And he, too, understood the fallout from this was just beginning.

It took months, but eventually investigators came up with a motive for the terrorists. Fake Nick had been an aspiring actor named Eddie Redding who had grown disenchanted with entertainment as he found that the powers-that-be simply were not interested in letting him escape the pigeonhole he was placed in due to his unique physique. Jaded and radicalized, this left him available to accept the role of a lifetime as he played Nick Wilde opposite a Judy Hopps played by Jolene.

It would seem Jolene’s M.O. was, plain and simple, jealousy. With as many Hopps kits as there had been, Judy hadn’t been the only one to receive their parents’ wisdom to abandon lofty dreams in favor of something more humble and realistic. And of the many that got that talking-to, Jolene was one of the many who had appeared to obey them. That was until she didn’t, eventually having tried her hand at assorted exploits in recent years: she’d tried getting into flight school, enrolled in community college expressly to try to join their soccer team, and even took a stab at getting internet famous by making short-form videos documenting days in the life of a large rural rabbit clan. All of these ventures however were met with very limited success, if one could even charitably call it that, and they didn’t seem to be providing Jolene with enough fulfillment to keep at it anyway. And the beginning of this chain of adventures and endeavors coincided more than a little with Judy being accepted into the Zootopia Police Academy and moving to the big city.

But amid the many investigators from many different departments ranging from Zootopia to Bunnyburrow, two individuals barred from participating were Judy Hopps and, by extension, her partner Nick Wilde. Fair enough, it would have been the definition of a conflict of interest had they been put on the case. But the bunny had to wonder about what the far-reaching implications of her relations to the culprit would be. As it turned out, time would vindicate her anxiety.

The ZPD ultimately decided it was for the best if Judy Hopps no longer served with them. Chief Bogo was as upset as she’d ever seen him when he informed her. He explained that while there was the element that her being related to a terrorist -- nay, her being the motivation for that terrorist -- could alarm the public and make it seem irresponsible to retain her, the buffalo told her candidly that the people he had to answer to had a much blunter rationale. The fact of the matter was that the Hopps family was very large; if one of them had been disturbed enough by sheer bitterness to hijack a train and endanger countless lives, it was not statistically absurd to think that another one of them might also act out in unhinged envy. Even if it were nowhere near to the extreme that Jolene had taken it to, any and all dangerous and antisocial behavior one of the hundreds of Hoppses might engage in as a direct of Judy’s success was something they’d want to nip in the proverbial bud, and if that meant taking Judy’s dreams away so her brothers and sisters and cousins need not feel jealous that they never got to have their own, then so be it. Yes, it was flagrantly unfair, but the mammals at City Hall found this to be such a grim circumstance that they saw fit that any semblance of fairness be suspended.

Nick offered to resign in protest, but Judy insisted he didn’t. He complied while Judy instead turned to other jurisdictions that might take her crime-fighting services on account of her resume. It took the better part of a year, but she did find a department in another city that was willing to hire her and take Officer Wilde aboard as well. There, they hoped, they could put all this behind them.

At this point, you may understandably be asking where there is exactly. Unfortunately, Nick and Judy would rather I not tell you, and I am inclined to respect their wishes. This is because Judy has since decided to cut contact with her family and she would strongly prefer they not know where to find her. It was not a decision she made lightly, but as the weeks and months went on and the fallout of Jolene’s crime and passing hit the herd hard, it eventually became clear that it would be the pragmatic decision.

For one thing, let’s just say that the ones who compelled Chief Bogo to fire her weren’t entirely off-base in their reasoning. Judy found out quickly that Jolene was far from the only Hopps sibling who harbored animosity towards her on account of her success; none of them went as far as to condone Jolene’s actions, but there were an alarming fraction who would not condemn her actions either. Then there were the ones who didn’t hate Judy for her success but vocally believed that she, as a Hopps, should have orchestrated a way to resolve that situation without their sister being killed. Would it have been nearly impossible to do such a thing? Oh, absolutely, but if this was the same bunny who cracked the Nighthowler case, surely she could have found a way. And then there were the ones who rebuked Jolene and didn’t blame Judy for being unable to save her, but used this as an opportunity to say, hey Judy, you didn’t have to go all the way to Zootopia to become a cop, we have police here, you could have served your own community instead of a city full of strangers and then oh hey I dunno maybe you would have been around to see the warning signs in Jolene and stopped her from acting out before she ever could have -- y’know, just a thought. All in all, that left a relatively small faction of her family that had absolutely no problem with her, and on top of that and all the other factions arguing with each other about her, she eventually decided the best thing she could do to ease the conflict in her family was to remove herself from the equation altogether.

But what killed her the most about that was cutting her parents out with all her siblings. Saints to the end, Stu and Bonnie never ever had a negative word to say about Judy or the actions she had taken -- but they didn’t say many positive words about it either. This was one of those things that Judy understood -- they’d lost a child, after all -- but her understanding didn’t make her feel better. She could see in their eyes that while they didn’t fault her for letting Jolene get herself killed, they were looking at her as the individual who had directly led to them burying their disgraced daughter -- not because of any choice Judy had made or any moral failing on her part, but just because of who she was. It felt as though they regarded her as some tragic being who was always destined to bring tragedy upon the family through no fault of her own, as if that was just the place in the world that God had chosen her to occupy. Judy liked to believe she was a strong woman, but she knew she wasn’t strong enough to look her mother and father in the eye anymore.

Chapter Text

Judy's ears suddenly shot up. "Hey! The phone's Wi-Fi finally connect—"

The train came to an abrupt stop, throwing them both to the floor.

CRASH!

TUSK officers burst in through every possible entrance. All doors were broken down. All windows were crashed through. One officer even came down through the observation tower.

"On the ground! Now!" one literally boarish cop ordered. "You're under arrest!"

"But we're already on the—!" Nick tried to protest before being shoved down even harder by a merciless hoof.

"U-Under arrest?" Judy stammered. "For what?!"

"Does this look familiar to you?" one of the boars asked, tossing a duffel bag in front of them.

A duffel bag loaded with jewels and other valuables of dubious origin.

"Uh... noooooo?" Nick said, and got shoved down again. Any harder and he'd go straight through the floor.

"You have the right to remain silent!" the head boar ordered. "And you know the rest!"

They certainly did. After all, they'd recited those lines enough times to have them memorized. They just never thought they'd be on this end of it.

Still, there remained one beacon of hope. One of those rights, though omitted, might just carry them through.

"N-Nick!" Judy said. "We need to make another decision. Quickly!"

"I think it's too late to pretend this never happened, Carrots."

"Not that! I mean the right to an attorney! We need lawyers if we're gonna get out of this!"

"Or we could defend ourselves."

"What? Nick! That's literally never a good idea!”

"But it is an option."

It is indeed. Now that you've fluffed around and found out, we're afraid that's no longer one of the choices. How are Nick and Judy going to get out of THIS predicament?

To lawyer up, turn to Chapter 28!

To have Nick and Judy defend themselves, turn to Chapter 29!

Chapter Text

The bright yellow taxi stopped in front of one of the smaller buildings in Savanna Central. After she exited the vehicle, she carefully skirted around the foot traffic until she reached the door of a yellow building. Her paw knocked on the door, and a charismatic zebra opened the door.

“Why hello, Sasha! Welcome to the office for the Mammal Protection Party of Zootopia! So glad you could make it here today, if you come with me we can discuss all the things. Yes, all the things.”

They walked down a hallway full of offices; in each one, volunteers worked on creating billboards and arranging meetings for Sammy Stripes. Finally they reached the zebra’s office, with a huge framed photo of him shaking hands with Gazelle above his desk.

“So, about getting justice for your daughter…” Sammy Stripes said as he locked the door, “have you come to any conclusions on how to save them from that evil cop duo?”

“Not really, I thought you would have those ideas.”

He paced around the office, his eyes darting around to search for ideas. “You know, there is one good way to stop someone you really don’t like.”

“Which is…?”

The zebra sat down at his computer, typing away until he eventually reached the Dark Web. He rotated the monitor towards Sasha, showing her the website AssassinForHire Dot Com.

“You’re not actually being serious, are you?”

“Oh I am! This website is legit, I use it all the time to scare anyone from finding out about my rather… troubling past. Let’s just say that I didn’t have the cleanest mouth on those old Cat of Duty lobbies, and if anything I said got clipped and was discovered by the press, then I’ll be gone! But with the threat that I can easily send my good old trusty assassin Dark Claw to hunt them down, then no one would dare share those clips.”

“Well, I don’t know how killing two people the public thinks are heroes will do your campaign any good.”

“I thought we were trying to make them look bad.”

“You misunderstood this entire thing. That little stunt me and Natasha pulled was to spark discussion and fear about the possibility of interspecies marriage. This was never about damaging the reputation of Nick and Judy.”

“Well, I was kinda hoping it would…”

“Why?”

Sammy Stripes whispered, “Because Nick Wilde is a fox. A predator. My end goal is to drive them out, it would be easier to do that if mammals had negative feelings towards them, y’know. I guess mammals already do, but if we make an easy enemy of Nick, then my plan can really start going.”

“I wasn’t aware that was a part of your campaign.”

“It always was, I just never talked about it. No one would vote for me if I talked about all the ‘bad’ stuff I was going to do.” He rotated the monitor back toward himself as he picked his tone back up. “So, are we going to go forward with this whole thing or not?”

Sasha looked out the window. She saw kits of all different species playing together without a care about what was going on in the adult world. She reluctantly sighed. “Sure, let’s do it.”

Judy parked the van outside of “Pumpkin Cafe,” a local favourite with the Patchville residents. The trio exited the vehicle and walked down the cobblestone street until they met the waterfront. Lots of boats were tied up to wooden docks as families spent their weekend at the sandy beach. But through all the mammals near here, there was no sight of Natasha’s mother.

Judy walked up to an old bunny who was unloading some fish off of his boat. “Hey there, sir! Have you seen a giraffe woman anywhere near here? Natasha here has lost her mother and we are trying to find her.”

The old bunny coughed as he looked at her. “My! If it isn’t the world famous Judy Hopps! Sorry ma’am, but I haven’t seen a giraffe anywhere here. Trust me, I would’ve made note of it if I did, we don’t have any giraffes here and we don’t get many giraffe tourists either. I do wish you luck on finding this young girl’s mother.”

“Thank you so much for your information,” Judy said. She joined back up with Nick and Natasha, “He hasn’t seen Natasha’s mother anywhere. She must’ve washed up somewhere else.”

Nick perked his nose up in the air, his eyes shivering at a sight that haunted him. “Uhh Judy, we gotta go.”

Judy paced behind a display of vases. “You’re right Nick, we need–”

CRACK! SHATTER!

The vase in front of Judy breaked. Nick grabbed her and Natasha and ran amid the running and screaming townsfolk. While she ran, Judy looked up at the top of a building and noticed a sniper glare. They all hid behind a barrel.

Nick whispered, “Judy, what on Earth are we supposed to do? Someone is up there trying to kill us, and they possibly have a very good view of the entire town.”

Judy rubbed her furry chin. “Well… in these situations we only have two options. Either we fight or we run.”

To run, turn to Chapter 57.

To fight, turn to Chapter 62.

Chapter Text

After some time thinking, the blue fox decided to call his buddy Shane. Considering both options, he could at least rely on someone related to music to contact a singer… or at least try. As soon as he got the idea of the call, he searched for the phone number of Shane the DJ bear. Didn’t waste a second pressing the green button.

“Come on… I need you with this…” The ringing kept on going, still no answer, making him exasperated. “He’s not answering for now it seems…” Disappointed, he stopped the call for now.

But he wouldn’t stop there, no sir. Vol straight up went to talk to Bogo, time was of the essence and he went quickly to his Chief, maybe he knew what else to do. He still had the idea to call Shane, but if he didn’t answer now, probably he was busy, so he needed another resort.

After knocking on the door, it was opened.

“What do you want now?” By the tone of voice, Bogo wasn’t precisely happy.

“Chief, you might be aware of what’s happening,” Vol started, expression serious, but trying to keep it together.

“The damned hijacked train? Or do you mean a certain fox getting here just to tell me that?” Normally, the buffalo wasn’t mean to the fox, but the situation got him stressed.

Taken aback, still Vol decided to ask. “Tell me you know any resort to contact Gazelle? After all, we need her to stop this hijacking.”

“If I knew, I wouldn’t be here cross-armed to begin with!” His bad mood just got even worse. “I need answers, not questions! Try to find a solution to this instead of wasting the time asking me!”

“W-Well, I have to see all options, sir, just that--” He tried his best to keep being in his best behavior, but the attitude Bogo had wasn’t helping.

“I cannot give you MORE options, Jimenez, I’m already figuring out what’s going on here. Go ask somewhere else, I need to focus!” Bogo kept on murmuring and looking through the papers, the nervousness was clear.

Now the fox was bewildered by all the times the voice raised to him, but decided not to pressure the buffalo more. “I’ll… just be going now.” He got down from the chair and took his leave. Bogo didn’t even attempt to stop him.

Vol sighed and pulled out his phone again, no message from his buddy, but still could call someone else…

“Maybe Finnick has some contact with her?” Even if they didn’t talk too much to each other, they could get in contact for anything important.

The rings came and a gruff voice appeared. “Calling me for something? Let’s see what you got for me now.”

“Not even a ‘hello’? We can talk a bit sometimes.”

“Your tone of voice tells me you’re in some stress and wanting solutions. What is it?” Finnick wasn’t good at having patience for chitty-chatty.

“Alright.” Vol sighed again and told what happened and why he called the fennec, making him know the involvement of Nick, since the fox was important to Finnick even if he didn’t want to admit it. “Do you have any contact with Gazelle or someone close to her?”

Finnick answered someone else. “YOU SHUT UP OR I’LL BITE YOUR FACE OFF!!!” Then turned to the phone again. “You said about Gazelle? Must say, sorry, kid, I don’t have any contact with her or her team.” As expected, the fox just sighed. “I wish you all the luck, you’ll need it.”

After closing the call, he looked at the phone, disappointed. Nothing was going his way and it was getting frustrating. He just went to the lockers for a moment, when no one was watching or hearing and did something not expected from him…

“Rubbish, [REDACTED], son of a $%!@, hecking (this was too much of a bad word to even soften it), why nothing goes right when you try to help?!” While he said all those bad words, he shook his arms in the air and stomped the ground. After all the wrong feelings were gone, he breathed deep and calmly. “Come on, Shane… I need you! I’ll pay you in cuddles, please!”

And just like magic, he received the call from, precisely, the same bear. The fox answered the call. “Hey, hey, Vol, you called me, buddy?”

“Seriously, by just saying the word ‘cuddles’?” He was surprised but didn’t waste a second replying. “Yes! Yes, I need you for something!”

“Are you having a bad day? Need a bear hug?” The ursid said with certain happiness in his voice.

“I wouldn’t mind one right now…” Vol muttered under his breath, but shook his head and regained focus again. “Thanks for the offer, but not now! I need you to get in contact with Gazelle or anyone close, the train that is being hijacked has the Gaboose and my companions Nick and Judy are inside. They want to take action but they cannot get out of there for now.”

Shane mumbled a moment before answering. “I can get in contact with her manager or her publicist, but I’m not sure how long it’ll take.”

“J-Just do it, those criminals are a danger! We need all the help we can get!” Vol answered desperately.

“Fine, but you owe me a drink or two, zorrito.” The bear answered with even more happiness in his voice.

“T-Thanks, Shane, I really owe you a big one!” Finally, he saw light in the darkness. “I’ll tell them both.” After a farewell, he called Nick.

On their side, Nick and Judy were waiting and thinking of some plan against those perpetrators. For now, they had little resources to face them, not even mentioning getting out without getting shot the moment their muzzles show up. Still, they wanted to take the matter on their own paws, arrest those hijackers.

“I got a good one: We go straight to them and hit them with all we got!” Judy said, confident, smiling, ready for action.

“You forgot something… You might be fast, but I can’t dodge their bullets as you do. Even so, who says you’re gonna dodge every bullet?” Nick tried to make sense in the plan. “I still think it’s better to sneak up on them, I’m sure we could.” His smirk returned to his face.

Judy sighed deeply. “The moment we open the door, we’re easy to notice, that won’t work.” Still kept on looking around to see for a tool or anything they could use as MacBeaver used to do in his show.

“I get very good ideas, shame you don’t want to use them. I’m so misunderstood.” Nick complained, more playful than serious.

The bunny walked around, checking every corner while the fox just laid down, relaxing. “You know, I could use some help.” Frustrated at his laziness, she scolded him.

“Nothing will appear magically and we checked everything, so let’s relax for a bit until we get a call.” He put a toothpick, that he grabbed previously, in his maw and played with it. He vaguely thought about using that little stick made of wood, but it’d be of no use, so he entertained himself.

“Well, maybe we’ll find something that could help us, don’t you think?” Judy groaned and kept on moving stuff and opening boxes to find even a minimal way to get out of there.

He got up and stretched himself, groaning as well. “Sometimes you’re unbearable, you know that?” He remarked the middle of the word, since they talked about Shane with his buddy.

Judy almost faceplanted from the joke, but decided to ignore it for now. Nick went to help by looking in some other parts, inside the boxes again. He found something that made him smile wide from just thinking about it.

“Hey, Carrots, look what I found.” Judy turned around and then he pulled up a plush of a hare with black stripes on his head. “This is a perfect definition of Jack in the box.”

“Oh. My. God… Nick, I swear, if you do one more of those jokes…” The facepaw was so audible that it was doubtful someone didn’t hear it. Her frustration was rising.

After the joke, Nick put the plush again inside and closed the box, then went to look on the make-up table. Even if they looked for anything there, nothing was actually useful for the time being nor the situation. But instead of searching, the fox thought he could mess with the bunny a bit more, after all, he already knew they’d find nothing. He searched through everything it had, but the joke didn’t come to his head, they weren’t useful for his plans. He had to admit that the cream for paws was actually nice, probably for the dancers, but he used it to try. For him, they felt soft… of course he has to take care of his beauty sometimes, right?

Nick’s phone started ringing and tried to pull it out, but his now soft paws were also slippery and couldn’t catch the phone. He tried and tried to no avail. Then, decided to use a little technique he knows to drag it out, he grabbed the phone and…

“Is it Vol?!” Judy made Nick jump with the sudden screamy question, catching him with his guard down and making him drop the phone, breaking the screen.

Nick looked at it and glared daggers at the bunny. “You’ll pay for a new one, Carrots!” He grabbed it again and, when trying to unlock the screen, the phone wasn’t detecting his fingers. “Damn it, why now?”

Judy looked at the ground embarrassed. “Sorry! I didn’t think I'd catch you off guard!” She looked at the phone. “Don’t worry, I’ll pay to repair this one.”

“You better, your fault!” He sighed and thought about the situation. “Now he doesn’t know he can’t call me, hopefully he’ll try with you.”

“Hopefully…” She still felt guilty, but what’s done is done, so now they had to wait for the call on her phone, which didn’t take long. After two more calls on Nick, her phone rang and it was obvious who it was. “Perfect, now you can communicate with us.”

“What happened? Is Nick okay?” Certain tone of worry appeared in Vol’s voice.

“Yeah, he’s totally fine, he just… had a small problem with his phone and cannot answer it.”

“Accident you made, Carrots!” Nick screamed. “Don’t you try to hide it!”

“I told you I’m sorry!” She sighed. “But yeah, his phone can’t be answered, so you’ll have to call me.

Hearing the other fox was okay, his counterpart sighed relieved. “Alright. I called Shane and he’ll try getting in touch with Gazelle, the problem is, it can take long, don’t know how much so…”

“We’re still stuck in this situation for quite a while.” Judy said and Vol affirmed it was like that and she sighed. “So close and so far… We find nothing that could be of help, and even so, we don’t have a plan.”

“I have it, you just don’t accept it!” Nick kept on shouting, of course he couldn’t shut up and had to make himself get noticed.

Judy hushed him. “Stop screaming, you’re making my ears hurt and they’ll know we’re here.”

“That’s what you get for making me break my phone. You’re lucky I’m not that Vol-atile to take my revenge.”

With that joke, it made it. Vol facepawed hard and groaned, but he swore he heard an impact on something. “Hey, you both okay?”

“I am, Nick is gonna be knocked out for quite a while.” She covered the phone. “Sorry, it was a reflex action!”

Nick was unconscious now, the blow was too hard, the bunny didn’t control her strength and it ended in a bad situation… for him.

“A-Anyway, how long ago it was?” She kept asking, but as soon as she said those words, a lot of noise was coming from outside.

Of course, Vol also heard it and smiled. “So… reinforcements already went to you.” Also sighed relieved. “I’m gonna give him a good hug…”

“What did you say?” For a moment, the fox thought he ended the call.

Vol got nervous and shaking. “N-Nothing, nothing! You heard badly!” Then holds the phone out of his ear. “I-I’ll see you later, bye!” And close the call quickly.

“Huh?” Judy tilted her head with a confused face. “I don’t think I was mistaken but… one of his antics I guess.” She shrugged and put her phone away.

The train came to a stop and around there were GazTanks and GazCopters around it, the private security of Gazelle coming down, weapons in paws, ready to take action if they didn’t cooperate.

“Drop the weapon, come out arms up!” One of the guards said.

Despite the initial reluctance, first came out the fake Nick. “Whatever, just take me, I don’t care.” Didn’t put much of a resistance and got cuffed while wearing an expression of indifference.

“You won’t take me alive! I have something to do!” Fake Judy screamed, but got pounced on by a buck in a dark suit and stripes on the back of his head, who put the paws of the fake Judy on her back and arrested her.

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against-”

“I KNOW ALREADY, SHUT UP!” She screamed as got lifted up to get carried.

“Good, remember them.” Escorted, they took her and her companion up in the helicopter.

Some other guard opened the door of the Gaboose as commanded by Gazelle. There they found an unconscious Nick and a surprised Judy, who looked at them.

“You’re safe now, we arrested them but…” The guard looked at Nick. “Is he gonna be okay?

Judy bit her lip but managed to answer. “Yeah, it just was a bad hit on his head, nothing big. I checked him and he’s fine.”

“You sure? We can check him if-”

“Completely sure! I’ll take care of my partner.” Judy was a little bit nervous, but she had to get away from that situation and not be judged by them for hitting him.

Even if the guards still had some doubts about her reaction, they had to leave to keep their boss safe. Once alone, Nick started waking up after everything left. No more helicopters, nor tanks, nor guards, everyone left.

“H-Huh? W-What… happened?” He shook his head, still dazed.

Well, what DID happen?

To tell him the honest truth about Gazelle and the soldiers, turn to Chapter 31.

To lie to him and tell him she did it all on her own, turn to Chapter 32.

Chapter Text

After some thought, Vol decided to put a post in oX to try and get in touch with Gazelle. After all, he thought it was the best idea, since he believed Shane would be way too busy to take his call. And so, he started typing.

“Guys, the #trainhijacking is done by some kind of fake Judy and fake Nick! They’re not the real ones! #JusticeForNickWilde #JusticeForJudyHopps”

Now that he sent the hashtags, he hoped for the best result. Of course, he’d have to wait at least some minutes to reach the population, but he thought that could help raise awareness. Or even reach Gazelle, why not?

In the cabin, Nick and Judy were looking for something to use in case they needed to fight against their copies (bad copies, at least that’s what Nick thought), but it seemed all was in vain, due to the big guns those criminals had with them. The policemammals only had the sleep dart alongside the shock gun, so it’d be a suicide mission. Judy still didn’t want to stop, they wanted to act, even while waiting on their partner. The fox, on the other paw, went on his phone and scrolled through some searches: “How to open a door without a key.”, “How to kill time.”, “What’s the difference between real and fake.” -- okay, that one was out of pure boredom after scrolling for a time.

“This is unbearable… How much more time will we have to wait?” Nick broke the silence, throwing his arms in the air.

Judy just sighed. “Then come and help me find something, that’ll keep you busy instead of complaining.”

“At this point, I think we’ll find nothing else, we’ve been through so many things here and nothing popped up, not even a small weapon to help us.” Nick got up and stretched his arms and legs, doing some exercise. “Guess I’ll prepare my muscles.”

“You are just complaining…” She still didn’t lose hope (except in her partner) and kept on trying to find things that could help.

Before starting, Nick got the phone out once again in a place where he found a little bit of data to take a look in oX and see something funny… when he saw the hashtag #trainhijacking…

“If he wanted to get in contact with Gazelle, this is the worst possible way…” The fox said and Judy, curious, went closer to see what her partner meant.

As Nick showed her, she tilted her head. “Maybe he had another plan in mind? After all, this would make mammals aware of the situation.” She tried to make sense of all of it.

“Well, yeah, not a bad idea… except for the fact that…” He scrolled down on commentaries and Judy opened her eyes wide.

“Oh, sweet cheese and crackers…”

Vol finally pulled out the phone to check out about his post in oX. His surprise was big when he saw roughly 20 notifications of messages from other users… but far from positive, they were mostly not believing him. He started reading some of them: “Who are you to say they’re not the real ones? You don’t know them!”, “You’re a terrible liar, you just want to call for attention.”, “You guys forgot to say he’s a freak? I mean, look at his fur, sure he paints it to try and look cool.”, “A freak and a liar, you have no proof!”

They were discouraging comments, even some painful… but still, this time it wasn’t about him, it was about his friends, so he decided to suck it up and answer most of them. “Guys, I’m telling you, you want proof? I’ll show you proof with pictures!”

He posted a screenshot of the live video from the fake Judy and Nick and then a photo of real Nick and Judy.

“Look at the differences: Fake Nick is shorter and dresses with actually matching colors! Then, if you see fake Judy, she’s skinnier, real Judy has wider hips!” Also, as a bonus, he answered his own post. “And also, I’m their friend if you didn’t notice.” And posted a photo of them three, with their arms on each other.

“A freak… My fur isn’t natural… Tschk… Such pieces of %&$!” (forgot to mention he’s foul-mouthed, didn’t I?), “...and I have to protect them… They better behave if I’m around…”

Even if he was fuming from those comments, he forgot one thing: oX’s users are mostly anonymous, he’d have a hard time finding each one of them. And he forgot another rule of social media: Don’t let people get to you with such stupid words. But time was of essence and he had to do something.

The answers to his post came up again. Even if they were more positive than before, even saying he was right, there were still some bad apples in there: “What photoshopped picture, who’d say the other photo isn’t modified?”, “Agreed, plus I don’t see the differences, he’s just calling for attention now.”

“Holy mother of…” Vol felt the urge to shout any bad word, but he was at the ZPD and Bogo didn’t like other officers using bad words, so he had to stop himself. “How can they be so… brainless?!” For him, saying such a word took a lot of effort. He started to lose arguments towards the non-believers there, but luckily, some other users joined in his defense.

“Yeah, this guy is kind of right, I don’t see Photoshop anywhere.”, “How can you not see the differences? You’re all really dumb! $%!”, “Want some money…”, alright, that wasn’t a comment to support, but still, he found some senseful comments that made him have his hopes back. For now, his mission was done, he warned everyone and now there are mammals that know the hijackers are impostors, it’d be the turn for Nick and Judy now.

Back in the Gaboose, despite having an uncomfortable position, Nick could see the subsequent comments on the post. He didn’t think much of the negative comments, he knew better than anyone those who bark the most, don’t bite in real life. The problem now would be getting out of that place.

“Well, Carrots, one thing is done, now... How will we get out of here?”

Judy just sighed. “I looked everywhere for something, but there’s nothing useful in the box, nothing useful at the makeup table… Nothing at all…” Defeated, she looked down.

Nick scratched his chin. “Alright, guess I’ll have to try some of my tricks with the lock.” But before he could get closer, he heard some stomping and pulled the bunny with him. The noise was strong, a hit against the door, making it fall down. Before them, there was a rhino, who clearly tackled the separation between the cops and the passengers. “...well, this works.”

Both looked at the rhino in disbelief. “I hope you’re the real ones. No more fakes, please!” He warned with his deep voice.

“I swear on our badge, we’re the real ones, Mr…”

“Bruno Horner. I knew you guys couldn’t do this.” Said the rhino proudly and smiling.

“Say it for yourself, you big dumby!” A voice coming from the passengers’ place made the big mammal turn.

“You say that again and I’ll stomp you!”

“Now, now… No need to fight, guys.” Judy tried to calm things down. “We need to get to the criminals.”

The same voice came back. “Then arrest yourselves.”

“Oh, for kitsune’s sake!” Nick thought and decided to hit the small, raspy voice with facts. “Let me teach you like in school, genius: If we are the criminals, how were we there and threatening you at the same time?” Asked as he walked over the place the voice was coming from.

The mammal that was in discord was a mink. “To make us believe you aren’t those guys but you actually are?”

Nick almost facepalmed. “But how? We cannot be stuck in one of the cabooses and be there hijacking. Think about it for a moment.”

“I see… This is all a conspiracy. The ZPD is in, even the city hall! They’re hijacking this transport to-”

“Ah, shut up already!” Another voice came up, it was from a hyena. “You’re just babbling nonsense. No one cares if you think it’s a conspiracy, you’re just crazy.”

“You actually don’t think there’s a conspiracy?” Now it was a goat who talked. “There has to be some conspiracy there.”

“No, there isn’t.” The hyena answered.

“There could be.”

“THERE ISN’T. PERIOD.”

After some confrontation, Judy raised her voice. “Please, calm down everyone, we’re here to take those criminals down! Just let us go there and we’ll stop the train.” Even if it was amusing for Nick to hear the conspiracy theorists talking, they had two mammals to take down ASAP.

“Like I’d trust you, coppah.” Said the mink once again.

“The majority here trusts you.” The rhino glared at the small mammal. “Go there, take them down!”

“Uh… Thanks then, Bruno was it? I’ll remember to give a gift when this is over.” Nick replied, half-smiling and proceeding to keep going.

The rhino acknowledged and nodded while they walked away. In the aisle between one gaboose and the other, they stopped for a moment.

“Hey, Carrots?” She turned around. “We’ll have to protect each other, I don’t know what kind of mammals we’ll find, but better be prepared in case someone wants to hurt us.”

The bunny sighed. “Yeah, but it seems the majority of people are going to believe in us. That gives me hope.” She smiled naturally.

“Always an optimistic bunny, how cute- oof!” He received a hit from her elbow on the stomach.

“Say that again, I dare you, I double dare you!” Judy gave him a long, deep stare, of course she wouldn’t let that word slide.

He recovered rather quickly and spoke again. “Duly noted: Do not anger the bunny.” His smile returned and they decided to keep going to the next gaboose. They didn't know what they would find in there, but they were at least one step closer to finding this fake Judy and Nick.

There’s only one place to go now! Turn to Chapter 33!

Chapter Text

10:18 AM

Zootopian Central Courthouse - Defendant Lobby No. 3

"Carrots... I'm starting to have second thoughts about this," Nick whispered, straightening out the nice suit he'd been forced to put on for the occasion.

Not that he was going to complain about the dark lavender blazer his partner was wearing. "Nick, I told you, defending ourselves would've been a terrible decision."

"Well, yeah, of course. Not arguing the need for actual professional representation. It's just... I'm not entirely sure these guys qualify," he admitted. "I mean, one of them's been bordering on a full nervous breakdown since we got here."

"Stiff upper lip, stiff upper lip," muttered their nearby defense attorney. The pudgy badger in a blue suit was thankfully oblivious to this conversation. If nothing else, he'd dressed up nicely for the occasion himself, helped by the fact that he was the fancy kind of badger from across the pond, not the local 'mug you in an alley' type.

"Don't judge him by appearances, Nick. He seemed very confident talking to us back in the detention center," Judy assured.

"It's kind of here where confidence matters, Carrots. This was just the best we could afford. Though I admit, I'd feel a little better about it if our other lawyer wasn't passed out drunk on the couch."

The black-jacketed opossum who had somehow gotten away with jeans was lying flat on her back, feet stuck in the air, tongue lolling out of her mouth. A fly landed on her open eye.

But as soon as Nick spoke, she popped right up, smiling excitedly. "Not drunk! Just dead for a minute. It's relaxing. More mammals should try it."

Nick was quiet for a moment. "I feel like that's worse, but okay."

Judy cleared her throat, wanting to get off on the right foot again. "Mr. Badge, Ms. O'Possum, I just wanted to thank you again for taking our case. We're really counting on you for this one."

Doing his best to hide his nerves from his clients, Eric Badge suddenly stood up straight and smiled. "Of course, Officer Hopps. We wouldn't dream of letting civil servants of your caliber be so wrongfully accused."

"Already been accused. Mainly just trying to avoid the convicted part," Nick pointed out. "But hey, I'm sure your investigation uncovered a bunch of evidence to help us out, right?"

"Erm..." The confident facade was quickly faltering. "The thing is, we didn't exactly get to investigate the crime scene much. At all, really. The police and TUSK were very protective over that train."

"Ah..."

"But don't worry!" Delilah O'Possum chimed in. "We're like pros at flying by the seat of our pants! You've got nothing to fret about!"

"Uh-huh." Nick wasn't the type to fret, but he also wasn't the type to pretend to be impressed.

"You did say you two encountered some strange happenings aboard the train, right?" Eric asked.

"We did," Judy confirmed. "But we already know what that was about now."

"Mmm. The arresting officers made it very clear," Nick added.

"Even so," Eric insisted. "Your testimony on the matter could be useful."

"Well, I guess if you're that desperate for leads, we did take a selfie while it was all going down." Nick shrugged, handing over his phone. "About the best look you're gonna get at the crime scene."

Nick's Selfie added to the Court Record

"And there was also that strange thing I saw flying past the window at one point," Judy suggested. "I'll write up a little note about what I saw too."

Judy's Sighting added to the Court Record

Eric looked it over. "Interesting. Presumably, the prosecution will present some evidence we'll be able to examine too. Not the smallest amount I've ever started with."

Judy let out a relieved breath. "That's good to hear, at least."

"Hey, here’s an idea.” Nick raised a claw. “Aren't there video cameras everywhere these days? Just trace us from the station going into the Gaboose, and show that the impostors were nowhere near us. Open and shut, this trial should take like five minutes, right?"

Eric winced. "...Actually, no. That was the first thing we inquired about, but apparently the entire rolling stock is from the 1970s and they still haven't gotten around to adding security cameras to the train cars. Turns out rail travel in whatever country we’re in is severely underfunded."

Judy’s eyes widened. "...Oh my god."

Delilah nodded. "Yeah, that's what Rick said too when we found out."

A bailiff signaled to them from the nearby door. "The trial is about to begin."

"Righty-o. Come along, everyone." Eric started towards the door.

"Rick really is one of the best," Delilah said, sensing their less-than-assured demeanors. "You two will be just fine!"

“I’ll choose to not totally disbelieve that,” Nick replied with a thumbs-up.

For now, that would have to do.

10:30 AM

Zootopian Central Courthouse - Courtroom No. 1

Eric knew they were in trouble when the first thing Delilah said upon entering the courtroom was "Oh no..."

She was looking up at the judge's podium, and he followed her gaze. (Oh no…)

There she was. Judge Janet Hopkins, also known as 'Hang 'em up Hopkins', or 'that crotchety old bitch'. The hunched-over kangaroo seemed to hate not only the defense but pretty much everyone in the courtroom. No jury was in attendance for these proceedings because no one ever wanted to sit that close to her and her gavel. The only exception was her infant son. A hole had been cut in her robes for the sole purpose of allowing the tyke to hang out of her pouch, wielding a toy gavel of his own.

"Guilty!" he giggled, hitting it against the bench.

According to legend, that had been his first word.

"Now now, settle down," Hopkins gently scolded. "Let Mommy do her work. Give it another couple minutes for that, okay?"

The prosecutor, a familiar raccoon in a black suit and gold glasses, tried not to laugh. He really did. Kind of. A little. Maybe? Not really. In fact, he put quite a lot of effort into laughing at how screwed they were, leaning on a wooden cane with a handle shaped like a gold revolver grip. Despite that gaudy design, he actually did need it for ambulatory reasons and not just as a fashion statement.

Hopkins banged her gavel. "Prosecutor VanDal! If you can’t show this court some decorum, I’ll declare the defendants guilty right now!"

"Wait, what?!" Eric said in surprise. "He's the prosecution!"

"Exactly! If he can't do his job, I'll do it for him! Now don't argue with me, unless you want a guilty verdict too!"

"Oh sweet law and justice..." Judy muttered.

Prosecutor Kyle VanDal, not wanting a boring trial, actually collected himself. "Of course, Your Honor."

"Good. Now then, please give your opening statement."

Kyle cleared his throat. "Ever since I was a kit, I've always wanted to solve a mystery on a train. One could say the 'train mystery' is a rite of passage for any dedicated crime-solver, so it would not be hyperbole to suggest I've been waiting my entire career for a case like this."

He glared, slamming his cane into the floor. "Instead, I get a load more steaming than the locomotive. A disoriented express. A mediocre-at-best train robbery. Frankly, I'm only still here out of spite. I had better things to do today, you know."

A pervasive silence fell over the courtroom.

(Was that... his opening statement then?)

"Wow, Kyle's phoning it in even harder than usual," Delilah remarked. "Hopefully, that's good for us."

"He could've taken the easy win back there and chose not to, so I wouldn't underestimate the power of spite."

Hopkins glared. “I’m going to need a bit more than that, prosecutor.”

Kyle sighed, but agreed to put a modicum of effort into it. One modicum exactly. “The defendants, Nicholas P. Wilde and Judith L. Hopps, robbed the train they were invited on at so-and-so time, got on a special caboose that I have too much dignity left to name, came back, robbed everyone, yadda yadda, first witness. Detective, tell them what happened."

He leaned back against the wall and promptly zoned out.

(I think it's safe to say that's the best we're going to get.)

Judge Hopkins seemed to agree, waving a paw. "Fine. The first witness may come to the stand then."

A stocky wolverine in a military jacket, camo pants, and combat boots marched up to the witness stand, giving a salute. "Detective Sigrid MacTalon, Your Honor. Head of the ZPD's Homicide Task Force!"

Hopkins tilted her head. "Then why are you investigating a train robbery?"

"Uh..." Detective MacTalon lifted the shades over her eyes, looking to Kyle, who just shrugged in response. "I'm not rightly sure, Your Honor. But I investigated it thoroughly!"

"Eh, good enough for me. You may proceed."

(Am I the only one who's going to be professional about this at all?)

Witness
Testimony

-- A Wilde and Hopping Robbery --

"The whole thing went down at about 3:00 PM, on a regular trip from Zootopia to Bunnyburrow."

"The defendants were known to be passengers inside the train's 'Gaboose' after boarding."

"And the other passengers can testify that these are the same two mammals who then started robbing them."

"They went from one end of the train to the other and back, stealing their valuables along the way."

"But the train was stopped and they were caught before they could make a clean getaway."

Judge Hopkins listened to the testimony, nodding along, then lifted her gavel. "Yep, I'd say that sounds pretty conclusive. This court hereby finds the defendants—"

Hold it!

"Y-Your Honor!" Eric cut in. "I believe you're forgetting something here."

"Hmm? Oh right, you want to cross-examine that, don't you? Fine, but make it quick. Joey needs to get home for his nappies."

"Guilty!" Joey cheered.

"No, no, not yet. Shush."

(So I’m competing with the infant now?)

Cross
Examination

-- A Wilde and Hopping Robbery --

"The whole thing went down at about 3:00 PM, on a regular trip from Zootopia to Bunnyburrow."

Hold it!

“I’m told there were no security cameras onboard the train.” (To our detriment.) “So how are you sure when exactly the robbery occurred?”

“From the witnesses mostly,” MacTalon replied. “The perps were moving quickly enough that they weren’t able to account for everyone’s smartphones. One guy was even wearing a wristwatch, if you can believe it.”

“Incidentally, at least one witness managed to make a call into a local radio station,” Kyle added. “He was able to report everything before having to leave the line.”

“Doesn’t that sound strange though?” Eric asked. “The defendants are two of the most recognizable mammals in Zootopia! Why would they risk being identified like that?”

“Hmph. There wasn’t much they could do about that, regardless.” Kyle smiled darkly. “Not unless they killed every witness onboard the train.”

Several gasps erupted from around the courtroom.

(Hey, we’ve got enough actual crimes on our plate without bringing up hypothetical ones!) “I… see your point.”

“I’m glad. Detective, please continue.”

"The defendants were known to be passengers inside the train's 'Gaboose' after boarding."

Hold it!

"How exactly did they leave the Gaboose?" Eric asked. "We were told the door outside was locked, as the staff of the train can doubtlessly testify."

Kyle sighed, finally bothering to stand up again. "Only the door out to the passenger cars was locked. The back door, leading up to the roof, was not. I assert that the defendants simply left through the back, climbed up and around to the other side, and then dropped down to the remaining cars."

"That's absurd!" Eric shouted, slamming his paws on the bench. "Even for a pair of trained officers, you can't seriously expect us to believe they did something as reckless as crossing the roof of a moving train!"

Kyle stared silently back. "...Detective. Play the clip."

"Play the clip?"

"Play the clip."

MacTalon wheeled in a television, equipped with a VCR. “And I thought the train was outdated,” Delilah muttered.

Ignoring her, the wolverine slipped the tape inside.

After a few moments, the TV lit up, showing what appeared to be footage from a local traffic cam. On it was a train track suspended above the ground, soon occupied by a lone subway car moving at unnatural speeds down the track. For being such low-quality footage, it pretty clearly showed Judy Hopps clinging to the rooftop.

And Nick Wilde driving it from the inside while wrestling with a sheep.

Followed by Judy doing a swinging kick from the top of the train to knock said sheep into a railroad switch.

Mercifully, it ended there.

(Oh bugger.)

Kyle cleared his throat. "As the court can see, not only are the defendants more than capable of pulling this off, it wouldn't even be their first train robbery. Honestly, it's a wonder it took this long to bring them to trial."

"Wait a minute!" Judy suddenly spoke up from the defendant's chair. (Not plural. She and Nick seemed to share it.) "We were only doing that to save the city! The circumstances were totally different!"

"Indeed they were," Kyle replied. "For one, neither of you were technically officers at the time, isn't that right?"

"M-Ms. Hopps, please!" Eric cut in. "Don't speak out of turn. We can handle this."

"And it was just getting good too," Hopkins said, shaking her head. "Oh well. Detective, you may continue."

"And the other passengers can testify that these are the same two mammals who then started robbing them."

Hold it!

"How certain are you about that?" Eric pressed. "Can you really be sure that it was the same two mammals?"

"Pretty sure," MacTalon confirmed. "We've got a LOT of witnesses. One of them, a little girl, even talked to them before they boarded.”

For some reason, Nick and Judy looked a bit nervous about that comment. Thankfully not enough to cause another outburst though.

Eric grunted in frustration, conceding the point. But one thing stuck out to him. (This can’t have been a coincidence. If these impostors were so convincing, this had to have been a deliberate frame job against Nick and Judy specifically.)

Good to know, but not immediately helpful. “Hmm. What next?”

"They went from one end of the train to the other and back, stealing their valuables along the way."

Hold it!

"If that's true, there's one question I have to ask then," Eric pointed out. "Where exactly are these valuables? You claim that our clients are the culprits, yet they were caught empty-pawed when you found them. How do you explain that?"

"Pretty easily actually."

"I thought as much! So then—" Eric did a double-take. "Wait, what was that?"

"Like I said, they did have a getaway plan," MacTalon explained, smirking a bit at his reaction. "They loaded up a duffel bag with the stolen goods, then tossed it overboard. I imagine the next step was to make the jump themselves and then track down the bag. We just stopped the train and caught them before they had the chance."

"So the bag in question is...?"

"Right here," Kyle said, lifting a duffel bag with the end of his cane. "The police are going over the contents as we speak, but spoiler alert, they very much fall into the category of 'valuables'."

Duffel Bag added to the Court Record

“That’s… very thorough of them.”

“I wasn’t kidding when I boasted as much!” MacTalon said. “Now, where was I?”

“But the train was stopped and they were caught before they could make their getaway.”

Hold it!

“And yet the defendants were found back in the Gaboose. So are you suggesting they locked themselves back into their room instead of jumping off?”

“It might not have been the original plan, but yeah, pretty much,” MacTalon said.

“The train was already being stopped,” Kyle explained. “They would have certainly been caught had they jumped off then. Their only recourse at that point was to hide and play innocent. I mean, really, what sounds more plausible? That, or the idea that two trained officers of the law heard all of this going down and just sat in there and did nothing about it?”

Nick and Judy started looking especially guilty right now. A dangerous reaction in front of this judge.

“Guilty!”

Or her son.

“Uh…” (Well, I can’t exactly say their actions were the most responsible, but that doesn’t make them criminals!)

And just like that, they’d already gone through the whole testimony again, with little to show for it but even more damning evidence against their clients.

"Please tell me you have something here!" Judy seemed to plead from across the room.

“C’mon, Rick. There’s gotta be some weak spot here, right?” Delilah urged. “Those suspiciously incompetent officers are counting on us!”

“Hey!”

Eric paused. (Actually, I feel like there IS something here to object to. But what? I'll need to choose carefully.)

It’s time to pass your bar exam, readers! Which lawyerly piece of evidence might counter this testimony?

To present Judy’s Sighting, turn to Chapter 36!

To present Nick’s Selfie, turn to Chapter 41!

To present the Duffel Bag, turn to Chapter 45!

Chapter Text

“Well, that wasn’t smart…” Nick said, a buzzer sounding as the bars in front of him and Judy slid open.

“Alright, let’s go.” The pig guard behind the two said, ushering them forward into the cold, concrete cell block.

“Oh how could this happen…” Judy lamented, nearly dropping the linen her and her companion were carrying. “Now we’re stuck in here!? What did I do to deserve this!?”

“Hey, cheer up, Carrots! It might not be all bad! Maybe there’s some mammal making Pruno. Oh, look at the fancy tattoo on that guy over there.”

“Nick, that’s an anti predator hate symbol. Wait! What if Bellwether is in here?! Oh no, oh no no no no no!”

“Here we are!” The pig guard said, the trio stopping at a cell. Nick and Judy stepping inside. “Enjoy your new home.”

The cell door shut, leaving the fox and bunny in the room. Sunlight poured in through the bars on the window; the only furniture in the room was a metal chair, desk, and double set of beds. Nick hopped up to the top bunk and tested how soft it was, while Judy sat down on the bottom bunk and put her head in her paws.

“How can this be happening?” The rabbit said. “We need to get out of here or… find some way to prove our innocence… or….”

“Get out of here? Well I know just how to do that.” Nick said, jumping down to stand in front of the rabbit. “We get a poster, and a geologist hammer….”

“Nick…”

“You know I once heard a story of a guy who used a cow bone to take out his cellmate! Not sure where he got the bone though… maybe he worked in the prison morgue.”

“Nick…”

“Do you think they have taco night? Or maybe extra desert on Fridays? Or…”

“Nick! Just stop it! Just… stop talking!”

The rabbit jumped up and flailed her arms in anger before collapsing back down on the bed.

“Nick, this is a complete disaster! We’ve gone from police officers to inmates! Oh… what are my parents gonna think? We’re now going to be living out our lives in here instead of being out there, making the world a better place. And those… imposters are still running loose!”

“Yeah, that’s pretty sus…”

The rabbit glared at the fox, who just shrugged.

“Hey… maybe we could make the world a better place from in here. Like… making license plates or being some sort of advocate. An example of what not to do!”

There was a pause as Judy scoffed and Nick rubbed his chin.

“Or….” The fox continued, speaking softer. “I’m a clever fox, and you’re a sly bunny. I bet, with a little bit of planning and luck…”

He lowered his voice to a whisper.

“We bust out of here!”

“Nick, that would just make everything worse! Worse than the situation we’re already in!”

“Come on, carrots, it wouldn’t be the first time we used less than reputable methods. Remember when we got Mr. Big to threaten Weaselton during the Nighthowler case? Don’t you wanna get out of here and catch those imposters?”

The rabbit sighed again, before a thought crossed her mind. Maybe if they got out of here, they could catch those imposters and clear their names!

“Okay, Slick… do you have a plan?” Judy asked, finally giving a slight smile.

“Uh… I’m working on one. The way I see it, there’s two options here. one, we try to sneak out, Splinter Cell style. Shimmying along walls… dodging cameras, distracting guards…”

The fox jumped around the cell, acting out what he was saying in real time.

“But alternatively… I mean, we’re pretty clever, right? I mean come on, we solved the Nighthowler case, of course we’re clever.”

“You wouldn’t know it from looking at us.” Judy said, gesturing to the prison walls around them.

“Ok, well… current events notwithstanding. But the point is, I bet we could take on those guards in a fair fight. Even if they’re a little bigger than us. Remember that article in the paper last month about budget cuts to the correctional system? Besides, everyone loves a good prison riot.”

“Oh sweet cheese and crackers….” The bunny said. “Okay, I’m in. Let’s do it.”

“Alright Carrots, how do you want to play this?”

IF NICK & JUDY DECIDE TO STEALTHILY BREAK OUT, GO TO CHAPTER 42

IF NICK & JUDY DECIDE TO AGGRESSIVELY BREAK OUT, GO TO CHAPTER 51.

Chapter Text

“Right.”

“Right?”

“Right.”

“Right!”

“Right. Right.”

“Right, right, right?”

“Right, right.”

With everything made clear, Judy steered the van in the direction Nick pointed. In the back seat, Natasha made a comment about how Nick should write right right on the right side of the map, but that was only followed up by dead silence as Nick looked over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow in confusion.

The silence quickly turned awkward, which Judy decided to end by turning on the car radio. Without even needing to look at the display, she dialed right into one of her favorite stations: 89.3, WBBC, Bunnyburrow Country Radio.

“Do you guys like country music?” she asked her two companions.

“I don’t know,” Natasha responded. “My mom doesn’t let me listen to it much.”

When Nick remained silent, Judy took a second to glance in his direction. He was staring at her with a look that told her all she needed to know: No, he didn’t like country music, did he look like a fox who enjoyed country music?

She looked back to the road and allowed herself a smirk. “Well, let’s change that.” She threw her paw back to the dial on the radio and cranked it a full turn to the right.

For the next two hours, the inside of the car was filled with the sounds of song after song playing at full blast through the radio, along with Judy singing along to every single one of them at the top of her lungs. In the back seat, Natasha quickly grew to enjoy the songs, and even cheerily hummed along to one or two of them when they came up on repeat.

Nick, however, lay his seat as flat as he could, covered his face with the map, and spent most of the time trying to tune out the cacophony that overwhelmed his ears. The road was a straight line with no turn-offs, so he knew he would not be needed until they reached Patchville, and there was nothing he wanted more than to knock himself out for a few hours and end his suffering.

Unfortunately, no matter how much he tried, he was unable to fall asleep. The noise was too loud, and the road was too bumpy. So the poor fox resigned himself to his fate: spending hours on end, trapped in another fox’s van, surrounded by girls singing country music without a care in the world. All he could do was hope that the road would come to an end before he went crazy.

Whoever heard his prayers answered them, because at long last, the end of the road came into view. It was perfect timing, too; Judy turned off the radio just as the final song faded out and an advertisement for Saginaw Cheese came on. (Cheese, it’s good!)

Judy perked up as the skyline of Patchville appeared in front of them. “And here we are!” she exclaimed excitedly. “You know, I’ve never been to Patchville before, but I’ve heard all about it! They’ve got a 30-foot-big ball of twine! And a statue of the Tri-Burrows’ first female bunny sheriff, Kate Buckner! And a massive wall of ice that stretches up into the sky with no end in–hey, what’s going on?”

The van slowly came to a stop in front of the ice wall. The road ended right at the base of the wall, which stretched out endlessly in both directions. Just as Judy has said, it shot out of the ground and rose so high it disappeared into the clouds above–almost leaving the impression that they had reached the edge of the world.

“Hey, that doesn’t look like Patchville,” Natasha remarked.

“No, it sure doesn’t.” Judy’s words barely escaped her gritted teeth, and when she turned to glare at Nick, her voice grew even darker. “Nick? You didn’t happen to give me the wrong directions, did you?”

Nick’s face turned pale underneath his red fur. He slowly looked down at the map in his lap and ran a finger along the path they had taken. “I… Uh…”

Judy’s eyes fell down, and a sharp growl sounded from the back of her throat. “Nick!”

“I’ll get this fixed,” Nick started. “I just have to–”

Without saying another word, Judy reached over, snatched the map with one paw, and then dropped it back in Nick’s lap.

This time, however, it was facing the right way.

Nick blinked. “Oh.” He turned to Judy and offered an apologetic smile. “Can you believe I’ve never read a map before?”

If Natasha wasn’t in the back seat, Judy would have strangled the fox right then and there. As it was, she had to satisfy herself with simply digging her claws into the steering wheel and gritting her teeth so hard they almost broke.

Nick, trying to avoid meeting her gaze, suddenly found himself very interested in the map. “Oh, hey, look at that! This is the big wall of Tundratown! What do you know, we’re all the way back in Zootopia! Can you believe…” One more look at Judy, however, shut him up immediately.

Judy was so infuriated, there was a good chance that she might have been able to step outside the van, walk up to the ice wall, and melt it with just her gaze alone. They had spent hours driving in the wrong direction. Natasha’s mother could be anywhere by now–and she could have done anything in all this time, too! This was worse than a waste of time; knowing her luck, Judy might have just been an involuntary participant in the end of the world itself.

She couldn’t hold herself back anymore. She closed her eyes, threw back her head, and belted out the loudest scream she had ever let out in her life. In all of history, no rabbit had ever made a sound like Judy made that day, and no rabbit ever would again. And poor Nick and Natasha had to hear it–every excruciating second of it–without any way of escape.

Finally, however, the scream came to an end. Suddenly out of breath, Judy took a few deep gulps of oxygen, then rested her head on the steering wheel and let out one final exasperated sigh. With her anger properly vented, she focused back on the job at hand. With a newfound calmness, she slowly reached for the gear shift and put the van in reverse. “Well, I suppose there’s only one thing left for us to do: turn around.”

Nick eyed her warily. “Turn around?”

“Yep. This is what we call a dead end.”

Chapter Text

Judy took a deep breath. “Oh, Nick, it was…”

She squealed in excitement. “The most amazing thing I've ever seen! I don't know how Vol did it, but he sent in the cavalry–actually, it was even better than the cavalry, it was Gazelle! Her private army! I didn't even know she had a private army! Nick, you should have seen it! First there was–oh yeah, and then there were–ah, and I can't forget the–Oh, I don't even know how to describe it, but it was amazing! Honestly, if I hadn't spent my whole life working so hard to become a cop, seeing what I saw might be enough to convince me to join Gazelle's personal army! There were tanks, and animals in camouflage, and cars with giant wheels, and a giraffe wearing sunglasses, and they all came speeding in from out of nowhere and stopped the train! Frankly, I can't believe it actually worked, but it did! And you want to know the biggest surprise of all? That's a silly question, of course you do, I can see it in your face, you can't wait to hear. Well, get this: the one responsible for all of this? My sister! My littermate, Jolene! She did everything! She impersonated me, she locked us in the Gaboose, she hired some second-rate fox actor to pretend to be you, and she wanted to get revenge on me for being so awesome! But Gazelle stopped her! Gazelle! Stopped! My! Sister! Took her and that strongly unattractive fox right off to jail! And now we can finally get to Bunnyburrow and start our vacation!”

Nick stayed quiet as Judy recovered her breath. Eventually, he crossed his arms and snorted. “Carrots…” He crossed his arms and snorted. “That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.”

Judy blinked. “What?”

“Your sister? Really? That's the best you could come up with? I don't know how long I was knocked out but surely it was long enough for you to think up something else.”

“Nick, it really was–”

“And Gazelle? Gazelle? You want me to believe that your favorite pop star just happens to have a private army? And that even though the best cops in the world couldn't stop this train, she could, without any issue whatsoever?”

“Hey, I was just as surprised as–”

“What else have you been lying to me about?”

“Nothing!”

“Oh yeah? Was it really your lifelong dream to become a police officer? Or how about wanting me to be your partner?” He gasped. “Did you hate those brownies I cooked for Francine's wedding?”

Judy's eyes widened in terror. “No, don't say things like that! Those were the best brownies I've ever eaten in my life!”

“Liar!” Nick turned his nose up and refused to look at her any longer. “I can't trust a single word you ever say again!” His voice dropped to a mumble. “‘My littermate Jolene’, seriously…”

Judy touched his arm lightly. “Nick, every word I said was the truth.”

Nick pulled away from her touch. “I can't believe you would lie to me like this.”

“I'm not lying!”

“Nope. You can't fool me. I refuse to be a prawn in this game of yours.”

Judy blinked. “Um…” She cleared her throat. “Nick, a prawn is a type of shrimp.”

Nick finally looked back at her, though it was a glare. “Yeah, right. You can't play chess with a crustacean!”

Judy groaned. “Look, I'll prove it.” She flicked out her phone, hit the redial button on the screen, and set it to speakerphone. The second it picked up, she spoke into it, “Hey, Vol, tell Nick what you did to save the train.”

“Oh, is Nick awake again?”

Nick leered at Judy as he spoke up. “Yes, I'm awake again. Thanks for asking.” He waved his paw at the bunny. “Carrots was just telling me all about how Gazelle saved the day.”

“She did?” Vol's voice raised in excitement. “Like, she personally showed up? Oh, I wish I could have been there to see that!”

A triumphant smile crossed Nick's face. “Yeah, that's what I thought.”

Judy rolled her eyes. “Vol, just tell Nick you called Gazelle, okay?”

“But I didn't call Gazelle,” Vol countered.

“Ha!” The fox sneered at Judy. “I'm surprised at you, Carrots. How low you can go sometimes.”

“But,” Vol quickly added, “I did call Shane, and he called Gazelle’s record label, who called her management team, and they called Gazelle, and she sent her personal army there to stop the train. It's all over the news! And the crazy part: apparently, Judy's sister was the one responsible for everything!”

Nick suddenly fell quiet at that. Judy lowered her phone and looked into her partner’s brilliant green eyes. “There. Now do you believe me?”

Nick once again stared at her for several long, uncomfortable seconds. When he finally spoke again, his voice was much quieter. “I'm sorry.” He turned to the door behind him. “But I can't stand the thought of even being in the same room as you anymore!”

Judy blinked. “What?”

“It's bad enough to lie to me, but to get Vol involved as well? That's going too far! Goodbye, Carrots!”

The door slammed shut behind him, leaving Judy in a stunned silence, wondering what exactly had just happened.

From her paw, Vol’s muffled voice spoke up. “I wouldn't worry too much, Judy. Nick will see everything on the evening news soon enough.”

“I'm not worried about that,” Judy responded. “I'm still wondering how he got this far in life not knowing the difference between a pawn and a prawn.”

THE END

Chapter Text

Judy took a deep breath. “Oh, Nick, it was…”

She pointed at the door behind Nick. “It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen! While I was on the phone with Vol, an elephant came through that door and knocked you out! He tried to get me, too, but I was too quick! I tackled him into the ground–right where I’m standing right now! I pinned him down and demanded he tell me everything! He resisted at first, but I threatened him with a super-secret technique that I learned at the academy to inflict maximum pain on elephants, and he spilled his guts like a whining wolf cub! He told me that he was impersonating us this whole time, using sock puppets to convince the train that we were the bad guys, and his ultimate plan was to use all of this as a smear campaign against the ZPD so he could lower their stock values and swoop in and buy it up himself, then stage another train robbery where you and I would save the day, which would raise the value of his stocks and leave him five thousand dollars richer than when he started! And Nick, you won’t believe this, but as soon as he finished blabbing away his plan, I showed him my carrot pen, and played back the recording. It took so long, we actually finally made it all the way to Bunnyburrow. My seventh cousin four times removed Sven was on the train platform and just so happened to look at me right as the train pulled into the station, and the instant he saw me waving my carrot pen, he called in ZBI, and they came to take him away. Nick, you just missed them! I mean, if you had woken up two minutes earlier, you would have seen them! Anyway, they took him away, and took my carrot pen as evidence, but I’ll never forget the words they said to me. They said, ‘Judy Hopps, the world owes you a great debt, and if you ever need anything, the ZBI will be nearby’. Isn’t that the coolest catchphrase ever? The ZBI will be nearby! We should come up with a ZPD slogan just like that, like ‘The ZPD will keep you free’. Do you think that works? We can work on that later. Hey, speaking of later, I’m sure a lot of people are going to ask us a lot of questions, and since you were knocked out for most of that time, I think it’s best you let me answer everything. Don’t even bother answering phone calls, or texts, or write a report for Chief Bogo, I’ll take care of all of that. You just worry about enjoying your vacation in Bunnyburrow, okay? I’ll take care of everything else myself. You can trust me, right?”

Nick cocked an eyebrow at her last question. “You want me to trust you…” His eyes narrowed. “After telling me all of that?”

Judy grinned and nodded enthusiastically. “Of course! Would I lie to you?”

The fox was quiet for several long, uncomfortable seconds, and Judy held her breath the whole time while she waited for a response. Eventually, however, he simply shrugged and stood back up on his feet. 

“Sounds legit.” He walked to the door and pushed it open. “Come on, let’s go start that vacation you were talking about.”

THE END

Chapter Text

The speedometer on the train console had just hit 100 miles per hour. Oswyn had been the engineer for this route for more than twenty-five years at this point, but this was the first time he’d ever seen the gauge pointing to that particular number on the dial. Outside the scenery was flying by and given the amount of time that this trip typically took, they would be arriving at the Bunnyburrow station within the hour. Although arriving probably wasn’t the best way to describe it. Crashing would perhaps be a bit more apt a description.

The badger glanced aside at the rabbit doe beside him. She had dull gray fur with dark markings on the tips of her ears; though considerably shorter than him, she still looked solidly built beneath the dark blue tracksuit she wore and he had no doubt she could bust his nose in with little effort. Or just shoot him, of course; she was studying the claws of the one paw that was holding a gun. The other was set demurely on the console right between him and the controls that he would normally use to reduce the train’s speed, including the brake. She looked up just before he brought his eyes back to the windshield in front of him.

“Hey, hey, hey, eyes on the track, Ozzy,” she said and gestured at him with the gun. “I saw you peepin’. Don’t go getting any funny ideas, you hear me?”

He did, though not that well at the moment; he’d taken the opportunity earlier to turn down the volume on his hearing aids to cut the rather pitched and shrill quality of her voice.

“Yes, ma’am,” he answered evenly. “Haven’t been funny a day in my life and have no intention of starting now.”

She blinked. “Well, good! Keep it that way.”

No, he most certainly wouldn’t be doing anything funny right now. This was supposed to be his last train ride. After more than two decades shuttling mammals back and forth from Zootopia, he was finally retiring. No chance he’d do anything to go get himself killed before finally getting the sweet sweet pension he’d been working all these years for.

Having his train get hijacked was not on Oswyn’s final-week-of-work bingo card. He’d never found himself in any such position before in all his tenure and wasn’t exactly the kind of mammal who might be described as a hero. As such, when this Judy Hopps character beside him barged in with her fox cohort Nicholas and threatened to shoot his face in unless he ramped up the speed to frankly irresponsible levels, he complied with little fuss. At least he would have time to take advantage of an opening eventually if he kept clear of getting himself shot. The two of them weren’t exactly chummy, from what he could tell.

So for now, face forward, hearing aids at the lowest possible setting, and nose clean.

There was a particular knock at the door to the console cabin behind them. She glanced at the door and then jabbed her gun into Oswyn’s back. “Now, remember, I don’t want to see any sudden moves. If you do something I don’t like, you’re gonna taste lead.”

The engineer did not even bother turning around to face her. He simply calmly nodded and continued examining the instruments in front of him. The speedometer now read 102, and you know that wasn’t in metric. “That won’t be necessary, Ms. Hopps. With how close I am to retiring, I have no interest in causing any problems.”

“Good.” The bunny pulled her pistol back and turned to open the door of the cabin. On the other side stood her partner in this crime, an unusually tall fox with the dopiest brown eyes on the planet. He had a bag in one paw and his other held a similarly sized gun in the other. She eyed the bulging bag and said, “What did you get on this batch?”

He slipped into the cabin and shut the door behind him.

“Oh, lots of great stuff!” he said, and crouched on the floor as he opened the sack to show what he’d collected. “A bunch of wallets and purses, a bear-sized pearl necklace, two laptops, tons of cell phones…”

“What??” Her voice turned shrill and she pinched the bridge of her nose. “Were you listening to me at all? I said don’t take cell phones. We need social media to start blowing up fast, every Bleat counts!”

He wrinkled his nose right back at her. “I thought you said take everything of any value that isn’t nailed down! Do you know how much a Ramsung goes for on the resale market?”

She gave an annoyed huff and turned away from him with a testy, “Whatever.”

“Listen, if you want me to do something the way you want it, you’re gonna need to stop changing your mind every other…” The fox paused mid-sentence, his attention caught by something in the window next to him. “Wait a minute…” He stared at the window for several seconds. “Does this outfit make me look fat?”

The bunny blinked in confusion. “Does this…?” She glanced at the window and immediately realized that the fox was not looking through it, but was using it as a makeshift mirror to admire himself. She narrowed her eyes. “No, it does not make you look fat! That’s just the curved glass!”

“Are you sure?” The fox turned his body and struck a pose. His jacket did not even come down to the top of his sweatpants, which clung to his body so tightly that some of his fox fur poked through the fabric. The shirt underneath stretched against his every movement, often riding up and exposing his two-toned stomach. “Bah, I wish they had sizes for taller foxes like me,” he lamented sadly. “And wearing clothes for teenage wolves like everyone says I should? Pfft… simply undignified.”

The rabbit rolled her eyes. He was always doing nonsense like this, it was starting to get irksome. At least she wouldn’t have to put up with it for too much longer. She attempted to keep her tone patient as she reminded him, “As soon as we finish this job, you’ll be able to afford a tailor.”

The fox turned to her and his eyes lit up with excitement. “A tailor?” he repeated. A smile spread across his face from ear to ear. “Oh, to actually have clothes that would fit! Custom made to my unique and striking frame!” He raised his arm to the ceiling and proudly proclaimed, “Not in a hundred years had I dreamt of such luxuries as this, but were it not for fortuitous happenstance!”

He held his pose for several seconds after finishing, and she stared at him with contempt. “Did… did you just steal that from Shakesbear?”

“It’s not stealing, it’s an homage!” The fox finally lowered his arm and turned back to the bunny, flashing her a sly smile that vaguely resembled that of the fox he was impersonating. “And besides, we’re already stealing tons of other stuff, so what does a little artistic plagiarism matter?”

“Yeah, speaking of…” The bunny paced over to the door to the trailing car and threw it open. The many passengers inside stopped whatever they were doing and turned their attention to her. “Remember, everyone, I don’t want to hear any of you calling the cops! Don’t think just because Nicholas and I are in here, doesn’t mean we can’t hear all of you out there!”

One of the hippos called from the back. “How would we call the police? You guys stole all our phones!”

She froze. “Uh…” She pointed her finger directly at the hippo. “Okay, everyone, if something goes wrong, he’ll be the first to go! Don’t any of you call the police!” She slammed the door shut, but a split second later, she remembered one more thing and threw it back open. “Because we are the police!”

She closed the door again, and the fox clapped his paws together slowly. “Well done, Jolene! That should keep them quiet!”

The bunny allowed herself a smile. “Yeah, I think that will do the job just…” Her smile dropped. “Ned…” She glared at him. “What did you just call me?”

His eyes widened. “You…” He crossed his arms and snorted. “I prefer to be called ‘Eddie’, I remind you, and I ask you to respect my identity as an artist.”

Jolene’s breath turned shallow as she realized that both of them had just blurted out the other’s real names. She turned her attention to Oswyn, who had been standing at his console the whole time without facing either of them. “Hey, Ozzy, you didn’t hear anything!”

The engineer did not even acknowledge that he heard her. He simply kept staring at his instruments, occasionally glancing out the window or flicking a switch.

“Hey, badger!” Jolene stomped over to him and grabbed his shoulder. “I told you, no funny business, or else I’ll–”

As she turned Oswyn around, he seemed genuinely confused by her actions. “What?” he stuttered. When he realized that Jolene was talking to him, he held a finger up. “Hold, please.” He pressed his other paw to his ear and turned his hearing aid back up. “Sorry about that. I forgot to turn this back on. Now, what were you saying, ma’am?”

Jolene stared at Oswyn, studying his face to see if he was bluffing or if he really didn’t hear any of what they had just said. Before she could make up her mind, however, he turned down his hearing aid and resumed staring at the console in front of him.

“Whatever,” she mumbled. She turned her attention back to the fox she called Ned. “Okay, listen up. Our plan will only work as long as my sister doesn’t find out any of this. So you need to put those Cattlebridge skills to good use or else we risk–”

“Zoolliard.”

Jolene blinked. “What?”

“I went to Zoolliard, not Cattlebridge.”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t care if you went to Pranceton, just make sure you don’t slip up again.” She lifted her pistol and aimed it straight up. “Or else I might be tempted to use this on you.”

Ned waved a paw through the air dismissively. “Oh, come on, that’s not even loaded.”

Jolene’s eyes widened. “Ned, you–” She glanced over at the badger, who once again did not react to their conversation, and then glared daggers at the freakishly tall fox. “Shut. Up.” She pointed her gun at the door leading to the trailing car. “Okay, now we move on to Phase 2 of our plan. No screw-ups this time, got it?”

Ned tapped his paw to his forehead in a lazy salute. “Aye-aye, ma’am.” He turned on his heel and started walking to the door. “One Phase 2, coming right up.”

Jolene’s mouth contorted into a small, sinister smile. “Good.” As Ned opened up the door and walked back into the other car, she turned her attention to the scenery still flying past outside the window. “Oh, Judy, if only you knew what was about to come next.” She crossed her arms and contented herself to wait for what happened next. “And if only you knew that I was behind it all.”

Beside her, Oswyn continued driving the train, peacefully oblivious to the rabbit’s muttering.

The speedometer was holding at 103.

All readers, please proceed to Chapter 35.

Chapter Text

They were bathed in a bright white light. They both harbored the same morbid thought as they stepped into the next coach, but neither dared to say it at first. It was only after they looked out the windows did Nick find the courage to get the bat off his shoulder:

“...Did we die!?”

There was nothing beyond the panes of glass. There was only the same blinding white they had just stepped through to enter this car, and it came through every window from every direction.

“Okay, new hypothesis,” Nick quipped skittishly, “we died and just stepped into The Light, and now we’re in purgatory until our surviving loved ones pray for our souls so we can ascend into heaven free of sin! Heh, heh heh…”

By all means, that sounded like a joke, and Judy didn’t know Nick to be even remotely religious, but she’d known him for long enough to pick up on subtle hints that he wasn’t being quite one hundred percent sardonic. Of course, a bizarre situation like this could probably get anyone speaking out of character. And with the information that they had at their disposal, empirically arguing that they weren’t presently in purgatory wasn’t exactly an easy case to make.

“No… no, this can’t be right,” she half-murmured as she thought aloud, examining the windows and the ether beyond. “Even if that wasn’t preposterous, there wasn’t, like… some gap in our recent memory where we could have been transported to some other plane of existence… at least not in mine. Do you have a linear idea in your head of how we got here, Nick?”

When he didn’t answer, she turned to face him.

“Nick, why are you on the ground?”

“Waiting,” the fox said as he lay supine on the floor, eyes wide open towards the ceiling. “If we’re dead, there’s nothing else to do other than wait.”

The bunny was speechless. “W-well we can’t do nothing!”

“Well, what else is there to do to get out of purgatory!?” he retorted without an iota of irony to be detected in his voice. “Maybe we can speed this up if we prove our morality?”

“N-Nick--”

“Maybe I should convert to Islam like Finnick almost did in prison before he got bored of it. Hey, five minutes ago, I didn’t know there was a heaven, who am I to say which one’s the real one? I should probably hedge my bets--”

“Nick.”

“Yes, habibi?”

“Look me in the eye.”

He did.

“...Is this some advanced sarcasm, or do you actually think we’re dead and in the afterlife?”

He blinked at her for a few moments before answering.

“Look me in the eye,” he echoed.

She did.

“Carrots, I don’t freaking know,” he said with the most earnestness she’d ever heard from him. “I’ve been in a lot of stressful situations in my time, but facing the unraveling of reality hasn’t been one of them. Forgive me, but my courage and bravery stop here. This is a problem beyond my comprehension and I am not going to try to comprehend it.”

The rabbit took a deep breath; such a sentiment was very difficult to refute. She looked around the barren coach, which was exactly as vacant of fixtures or furniture as the previous one. Judy had to admit, the desire to throw her paws up and accept defeat at the hands of whatever the H-E-double-carrot-sticks was going on was a strong one -- but even that strong feeling was outweighed by her urge to get the H-E-double-carrot-sticks out of this place.

“Okay… your feelings are valid, Nick,” she began gingerly, “but I… hrm… I wanna keep moving. Even if I can’t find a solution… I wanna see how deep this goes. And I’d rather not go alone.”

They were each silent for a bit, the fox sitting with those words and the bunny waiting patiently for his response.

“...Will you join me?” Judy asked after a time.

And Nick rose slowly from the floor, sitting up laboriously as though he’d just awoken from a long coma. “Well, if I really do need to prove my righteousness to escape purgatory, letting you go alone would probably be a mark against me.”

She extended a paw to help him get up. “I appreciate it. So… anything left to see in this one, or are we good to move along?”

“Let’s see what the next one holds. Insh’allah we get to the bottom of this.”

She blinked. “Um… are you serious about keeping up the, uh…?”

“I am serious about hedging my bets, Carrots. Hey, you know any other religions I should try? What about Shintoism? Ooh, no no, Baha’i!”

They made their way to the end of the car and entered the next without hesitation. As soon as they did, they’d wished they’d hesitated. This one did not have the blinding light pouring in through the windows -- because it had no windows. And it was several seconds after they’d realized that when it dawned upon them that they could hardly see the far end of the car.

“哦，不…” said the rabbit, “這不太好…”

“Sárgarépa!” exclaimed the fox. “Miért szólsz nyelveken!?”

“尼克，你在說什麼…!?”

“Várjunk csak, mit is mondok!?”

It was only now that they realized they had lost the ability to speak a common language.

“為什麼會這樣出來啊!?” asked 朱迪 as she looked helplessly about for an answer that wasn’t there. “我用英文思考，為什麼會這樣呢!?”

“Te sem érted egy szót sem abból, amit mondok, ugye?” stuttered Miklós as he continued to lose his composure. “Szeretlek és meztelenül akarlak látni, értetted ebből bármit is!?”

Communication had failed them -- or so it seemed. Thinking quickly, the 兔子 abandoned speech as a medium and turned instead to gestures, pointing to the distant door to convey they should just get to the next car as soon as they could.

The róka nodded.

They took off walking briskly towards the door. Then they realized it wasn’t getting closer much faster, so they began running. Then it seemed like the train had begun climbing a hill, and they really kicked their cardio into high gear as they struggled to scamper up the incline.

The door did eventually come close to them, but by that point it felt like the train was rocketing directly upward into space. Thankfully, the floor had begun disintegrating, affording them footholds to climb the vertical distance towards the door. It was the single most exhausting thing either of them had ever done, and despite not sharing a common tongue, they each independently had the notion that if they really were dead, it wasn’t out of the question that they’d still feel such physical agony; after all, that’s what The Bad Place was all about. If there was pain in hell, why shouldn’t there be pain here? Who’s to say that wasn’t where they were already?

Almost there. The door was right above them, completely horizontal. This meant that the handle to actually open it was not in reach from the floor they were climbing. One of them was going to have to jump for it.

The spring-legged lapine took her chance. She bent her knees and leapt with all the might she could away from the floor and reached for the door handle a few feet behind her and above the abyss below, reaching for the tiny twig of brass.

She had it.

But now she was stuck. For one thing, she lacked any leverage to turn the handle with; secondly, and perhaps more importantly, even if she could turn it, the door opened outwards -- which in this position was upwards. She most certainly didn’t have enough leverage to open it against gravity. She was going to need his help.

After some quick pantomiming to explain the situation, she reached out her paw for the fox to grab her and get up there somehow to jimmy it open. How this would work, neither of them knew, but they were positive that it was their only way out of this place. And both of them were acutely aware that somewhere along the line, everything behind them -- below them -- had disappeared.

“Itt semmi sem lesz!” the vulpine cried out to pep himself up as he prepared to leap. “Az iszlám a fény!”

Just as she had, he jumped up and outward, towards her waiting hand. He reached.

But his paws could not find hers.

“狐狸!”

“NYUSZIIIIII!”

And she watched him fall. She watched him fall and fall and fall until she couldn’t see him anymore. Shortly after that, she couldn’t hear him scream anymore either.

She didn’t cry; she wanted to, she felt like she could, but she couldn’t. She was simply too crushed to shed a tear. She was disheartened past the point of weeping.

She put her free paw back on the small handle and thought. There was no way she was going to be able to get this thing open. And even if she did, what could be awaiting her on the other side? Things had only gotten worse and worse since they’d left the Gaboose; on what grounds dare she assume what was next would be better?

He hadn’t even wanted to come here. He’d wanted to stay in the last car, but she’d goaded him into joining her in whatever lay ahead. And now he was wherever down there was. She felt so selfish.

Well… he didn’t want to follow her into here, but he did anyway, for her. She didn’t want to go down there, but it seemed only right that she should return the favor. After all, she would hate for him to have to go alone.

She let go. It was all she could do.

Turn to Chapter 67.

Chapter Text

...And with that, let's direct traffic:

If you came from Chapter 27, turn now to Chapter 37.

If you came from Chapter 87, turn now to Chapter 38.

If you came from Chapter 21, turn now to Chapter 39.

And if you came from Chapter 15, turn now to Chapter 40.

If you get lost... well, remind me never to take a road trip with you.

Chapter Text

Objection!

“Your Honor!” Eric exclaimed. “There's evidence that the defendants couldn't have been the ones to rob the train!”

“Guilty?” Joey said, tilting his head in confusion.

“Probably, dearest,” Hopkins cooed, scratching between his ears before acknowledging Eric. “What evidence are you speaking of, Mr. Badge?”

“While they were waiting in the Gaboose, Ms. Hopps observed something strange flying past her window.”

“Oh?” Kyle asked. “We have reports of a UFO now, do we?”

“Laugh it up while you can, but this flying object isn’t so unknown.” Eric crossed his arms and smirked. “In fact, we just got done talking about it.”

Take that!

“I assert that it was none other than the duffel bag you presented to the court! The very same bag that was used by the perpetrators and thrown overboard! And if that is what she saw, it overturns the prosecution’s entire case!”

Delilah suddenly grew nervous. “Uh… Rick?”

“I see!” Kyle said, standing up in surprise. “Golly, that would be bad for me! Now, who did you say was responsible for bringing us this information? I really must thank them personally for opening my eyes!”

Eric pointed confidently back, only to realize where he had gone wrong. “It was… Ms. Judy Hopps…”

Hopkins narrowed her eyes. “So your evidence to exonerate the defendants is… the word of the defendants?”

Even Judy herself was currently shooting him a “What the hell?” look. She was thankfully too polite to put the actual words to it.

Eric started to sweat. “Uh… When you put it that way, it does kinda sound like hearsay, huh?”

Kyle smiled. “Well, I’ll say what I hear: a guilty verdict.”

Hopkins nodded, raising her gavel. “Yes, now hear me say it!”

GUILTY

(I’ll say, is it getting hot in here?)

Alright, that one could’ve gone better. Seems this judge isn’t the type to settle for a simple penalty. Luckily, you can save scum all the same, like any true lawyer! Or you can accept the consequences of your actions. Hey, it’s not like YOU’RE the one going to jail!

To force your biggest smile, turn back to Chapter 28!

To cry because it’s all over, turn to Chapter 29!

Chapter Text

They opened the door slowly to scan the place. All mammals seemed to be silent and scared, not surprising due to the situation they’re in. The fox and the bunny had to find a solution, and quickly! Who knows what those criminals would be up to.

“Nick, we have to find those two as fast as possible, this is not right.” Judy said, with some sadness in her voice upon seeing the passenger.

“That’s a good idea… but you forgot they’re fluffing ARMED, Carrots! We have to find another way around it.” Nick crossed his arms while answering, thinking but also stern about the idea of the bunny.

“Language! There are kids here!” A voice came from one of the passengers, presumably a mom.

The fox turned around. “Excuse me, ma’am!” He turns around again. “As I was saying, we have to find another solution.”

The bunny sighed. “Alright… but we’ll stop them, if not your way, my way.” The decision was made in Judy’s head, no matter what would happen, she was ready to arrest.

Seeing he couldn’t change her mind, he nodded. “Okay, stubborn bunny, we have a deal.” They shook paws, smiling.

Now it was time for one of the hard parts: Going between the crowd, hoping all of them saw the post taking the blame off them. While probably the majority was fine, they couldn’t hope all of them would, so they’d have to be careful.
They started walking through the aisle, a lot of eyes on them, but no one dared to make a move… except a giraffe girl.

“Mommy, mommy! These are the real Nick and Judy! I told you! Look, they’re together now”

“Natasha, hush… Just keep playing the silent game with me, it’s gonna be fine.” The mom tried to calm her down.

Judy dared to approach them, curious. “You don’t have to be afraid, we aren’t them, we aren’t gonna hurt any of you.”

“But you’re here, but also there… I don’t understand.” A raccoon said. This is a paradox!”

Nick sighed. “Look, buddy, there’s no paradox, you probably saw the post, those two are different from us.”

“They look like you! There’s no one else that looks like you, therefore, they’re you!” The raccoon kept on babbling things.

“Sir… Look again at the photo of the post and then at us who are right here. It’s easy to tell the differences.” Judy now tried to calm the passenger down.

That same passenger pulled out the phone and went again to the Ox’s post. He kept looking up and down, making sure he saw the differences. Still…

“They ARE you!” He then showed his phone to Nick and Judy.

“Seriously? Where do I start with this?” Nick cleared his throat to begin. “First: He’s not as handsome as me.” Judy rolled her eyes. “Second: He’s pretty much taller than his partner. And third: I wouldn’t use a sentence like ‘paws up everyone’... It’s so cheesy, typical bad guys from cops shows. Come on, man.”

“Then what would you say?” The raccoon asked.

“...Let’s leave it aside for now. We have to stop those two before this train gets in an accident.” Nick answered, dismissing the whole conversation.

The raccoon still wasn’t convinced. “You look the same…” He mumbled.

“I might be a bit blind, but even I can tell the differences.” An elder mole retorted.

The raccoon didn’t like that. “Hush, old man, no one believes your insanity.”

“YOUR insanity, son, almost everyone else believes the ones right here are the real ones.” The mole didn’t move, just answered, holding his cane, licking his lips because of dryness.

Still, the raccoon was upset. “I’m not your son, you old fa-”

“There are kids here!” The giraffe mom practically screamed.

“Everyone calm down. Just sit down and we’ll solve this and arrest the hijackers, it’s a promise.” Judy now tried to put down the flames from such fights.

Even if the only one unconvinced still was in the same line of thoughts, Nick and Judy decided to come out with a plan to burst in against their foes. Once everyone was silent, it was their moment to think about it.

“Alright, Nick, we just have to be quick, as we go in, we take them down by a coordinated attack and we save the day. What do you think?” The positivism from the bunny came up as she explained.

“Good plan…” Judy smiled, but it was short-lived. “...if you want to straight up meet Death. “They have big guns, going directly will put more holes in us than cheese.” Nick countered.

“Gruyere or emmental?” A mouse passenger asked out of the blue.

Nick rolled his eyes. “Dunno, dun care.”

“The criminal wasn’t even this bad mannered.” The rodent replied.

“I’ll pick you up and throw you with them. How’s that sound, buddy?” The fox smirked, looking at the passenger, who retaliated.

“Forget I said anything!”

Nick chuckled under his breath. “As expected.” He took a breath and kept his conversation with Judy. “Now, after being interrupted, I want to propose my plan, which thankfully for us, is better than yours.”

Judy rolled her eyes: “Sure... Let’s hear it, maybe I can laugh a bit about it.” She crossed her arms, ready to listen.

“Well… We can make them talk with some… persuasion.” He proceeded to use his smile and half-closed eyes. “Some talking with a beautiful face is gonna make them fall into our trap to catch them.”

“Excuse me, what?” She stifled a laugh at that move from the fox. “And that’s your best choice? Simply silly. They’re armed, as you said. The moment you start talking, they’ll silence you.”

“Bunny of little trust… I can charm them easily, didn’t I charm you?” Now he smirked down at her.

“Barely.”

Nick put his paw on his chest, feigning offense. “Oof, now that hurts more than bullets.”

Judy rolled her eyes once again. “Can we focus on this? Each second that passes we’re close to you know what.” She looked around, signalling Nick with her eyes what she meant.

“Of course, the best moment of all: When we arrest them.” He winked, the message was taken. “But still, how will we approach? I’d love to do both of our plans, but they cannot coexist in this case. The moment you try to go full force, they’ll see a threat on you and my talking won’t work.”

“Again, they’re armed, words won’t do anything to them if they want to incriminate us.” Judy argued. “If we’re fast, we can take them down.”

“If we are fast, you said it. If they’re a bunny and a fox as well, they’ll have the same speed reaction as us. Not gonna work.”

Some discussion came up between both of them, between the looks of the passengers. They didn’t know how to interrupt them, since they were clearly focused on the best option to approach.

“Should we… help them decide?” The giraffe mom said, now concerned.

The raccoon moved in his seat. “Helping the criminals? You’re out of your mind, lady.”

“For the last f…” A coyote was about to say something, but Natasha’s mom’s stare made him drop the word. “...damned time. These aren’t the criminals.” He sighed. “Whatever. We can help them, after all, they’ll also need help.”

The mole now spoke up. “Young mammals nowadays…”

“What ya said, old man?!” The raccoon now felt offended at that remark.

The same old mammal licked his own lips, supporting himself on his cane. “If you are gonna get in their argument, do it now. All I hear is complaining.”

“I mean... he has a point.” The mouse answered. “We have to help them, even if they’re a bit rude.” Still didn’t forget how the fox answered.

“We aren’t clear either about the best solution, maybe it’s true that talking could be enough.” The coyote said.

“But I want action! Bang, ka-pow, yeehaw! And then love! Muah, kiss, kiss between those two!” Natasha answered, jumping on her seat and making gestures with her hooves like if she was punching and then hugging herself and making fake kissing noises.

“We’ll talk about this later, young one.” The mom scolded her and turned to the rest of the passengers. “I rather avoid violence, better not let anyone get hurt.”

The raccoon sighed and decided to also put his part in this. “Alright, seems there’s no way out of this… I vote for talking it out and then… Attack them by surprise!” His laughter was quasi maniacal.

Nick and Judy then stopped arguing and turned to the raccoon. “Wait... what did you say?”

Now he was surprised by the question. “Uh… First talk then attack?”

The bunny and the fox looked at each other and smiled knowingly. This left the passenger dumbfounded, he didn’t understand anything.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Judy asked.

“Clearly yes, Carrots.” They crossed their arms together. “Let’s do it.”

As they both went close to the door, Judy turned a moment. “Oh, and thanks for the idea, we’ll save you all thanks to that.” She showed a smile.

“We forgive you for such accusations of us being the criminals.” Nick smirked and turned.

The raccoon was still shocked, didn’t move from his seat while the rest of the passengers nodded at each other and got up, moving close to the cops. Nick and Judy felt that and turned around to see a bunch of mammals waiting and looking at them.

“We’re gonna help with your plan, you may be cops, but you’re still a bunny and a fox.” The coyote decided to speak up and everyone nodded. Natasha also wanted to be in, but her mom put her on her seat. She puffed her cheeks, crossed her arms, annoyed. All she wanted was some fun!

“Uuh… Thank you?” Judy managed to say. “You don’t have to, we know self-defense.”

“I know, but I won’t stand that those two can hurt the innocent cops you are. Let us help you before facing the criminals.” The rhino showed a smile, fully trusting them.

“I’m not… exactly sure.” Then she turned to Nick. “Can we talk in private for a moment?”

Nick shrugged and nodded, following her a bit aside. “Say, Carrots, we don’t have much time, what do you need now?”

Judy rubbed her arm. “I know these mammals are going to protect us from the harm of those criminals, but… Maybe it’s too much to put them in danger like this. I know they want to help but… Those fake versions of us have big weapons and I really don’t want anyone getting in danger.”

“If I’m completely honest, while they’re civilians, we aren’t in a much better situation. They could help a bit, they’re many… I think we can allow them to give us a paw.” The fox just started thinking, pros and cons about taking all the mammals, including Bruno with them or not.

“I’m… just not sure… What if they get shot because of our fault? I would never forgive myself for that.” She sighed, while also thinking how to get in the last caboose, trying to avoid most of the danger.

What a dilemma… It’s your turn to help them!

Should Nick and Judy accept the passenger’s help? Turn to Chapter 46.

Better not make them get involved and continue just them both? Turn to Chapter 58.

Chapter Text

“And then you two came through that door, and I saved you!”

Judy and Nick listened in stunned silence as Natasha brought them up to speed. They could hardly believe what they were hearing. The train was being terrorized by another bunny and fox, who were pretending to be them and looked exactly like them–although, apparently, the fox was so tall, Natasha felt dwarfed when he stood beside her, despite being a young giraffe.

Finally, it felt like they were getting answers to some of their questions. They must have been locked inside the Gaboose by the imposters, who had probably made their way to the front of the train by now, robbing everyone they could along the way.

However, it only raised even more questions. Why were the imposters doing this? Were they trying to frame Judy and Nick, or just smear their public image? What were they trying to gain from it? And what was their endgame?

With Natasha finally out of things to say, the car fell unusually quiet. The dozens of animals around them stared at the two officers, wondering what they would say or do next. However, neither of them said or did anything for a long while, each of them simply standing still and contemplating what they had just heard.

Finally, Judy shot Nick a worried look. “What do you think, Slick?”

Nick placed a paw on his chin and thought out loud. “Well, first of all, I think we can safely say this was all planned out. Whoever they are, they know things that ordinary citizens can’t. They knew we’d be on this train, staying in the Gaboose. They knew we’d be off-duty, too. And they knew how to lock us inside.”

“And they’re going to a lot of trouble to make sure that everyone thinks they’re us,” Judy added. “Every time they robbed somebody, they said our names. They even let a few mammals keep their phones long enough to livestream the robberies to social media.” She let out a sigh. “I’ve got to be honest, Nick, this feels pretty serious. I’m not sure who we’re up against.”

“Neither do I.” A sly smile spread across Nick’s face. “And I think there’s only one way to find out. What do you say we head up to the front of the train and take a look for ourselves?”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? They’re armed. They could have hostages. And every single mammal between here and there, thinks we’re behind it. They might trample us, or throw us off the train, before we can explain ourselves.”

Nick shrugged. “Better than standing around here and doing nothing, right?”

Judy wanted to agree. In fact, she was itching to rush to the front of the train and apprehend the fiends herself; when she first became a police officer, she might have done so without a second thought. But her years of experience had taught her to be a little more cautious these days. There were dozens, if not hundreds, of innocent civilians on this train. The perpetrators’ motives were still unknown, and so were their capabilities. It was completely possible they would simply snatch up everyone’s valuables and jump off the train for a quick payday, or equally possible they would make it their mission to destroy this train and everyone on board. There was no way to know for sure, and Judy felt uncomfortable rushing head-on into an unknown situation like this…

Nick studied her face, and his smile grew wider. “I’ll treat you to fro-yo after we’re done,” he offered.

That made up her mind immediately. “Done.”

She turned to face the door that would lead them further up the train. She could see a few bags of potato chips lining the wall on the other side of the tiny window in the door, which indicated that the following car was the food car. That gave her a small hint of relief; it meant that there would not be many, if any, passengers inside the car right now for them to worry about. Plus, if she was honest with herself, she could use a quick snack.

Judy took a deep breath to calm her nerves, then clenched her paws into fists and set her jaw. “Okay, let’s go!”

Nick fell into step behind her. “Right behind you, Officer Hopps!”

“I want to come, too!”

Judy and Nick both whirled their heads to Natasha, just in time to see the young giraffe’s mother grab her shoulder and abruptly pull her backwards. “No, Natasha,” she sternly rebuked. “It’s far too dangerous for you to go with them.”

“But I want to help!” Natasha looked up at her mother with big eyes and a quivering lower lip. “I can tell everyone else on the train that this Nick and Judy are real!” She turned back to them and folded her hooves in front of her. “Can I come with you? Please?”

Natasha wants to go with them. What do Nick and Judy say?

Option 1: Yes, she will be a big help -- turn to Chapter 70.

Option 2: Let’s scout out first, then decide -- turn to Chapter 68.

Option 3: No, it’s far too risky -- turn to Chapter 59.

Chapter Text

“Well, we can’t let them get away with smearing our good names,” Nick said, and turned his head up to indicate the bathroom door they were next to. “Let’s get these disguises off and keep moving toward the engine car.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Judy agreed, and grasped the handle of the door to slide it open. It jiggled a little but it didn’t open. “Huh, it’s stuck.”

“Stuck, or locked?”

“It doesn’t say occupied.” Judy put both paws to the handle, put her feet up on the jamb, and threw all her weight into pulling it, to no avail. With an exasperated grunt, she put her ear to the door. “Wait… I think there is someone in there. Sounds like… breathing. Or… maybe more like hyperventilating?”

Nick knocked on the door. “Hey, is anyone in there? We need to use the facilities.”

There was a pitched yelp and thunk noise. Judy and Nick gave each other a nod. He gave the handle a more than firm tug once, twice, and the rickety lock came free from the jamb. The fox left the door open behind them to semi-block prying eyes from the car they had just walked through. Within the bathroom stall was a young silver fox in maybe his early twenties, sitting under the sink. He was shaking and holding his paws over his head; one of them held his cellphone and he waved it at them in panic.

“I’m sorry, please don’t shoot me!” he said, his voice pitched and breathless. His chest was heaving and he looked about five seconds from passing out.

“Whoa, hold on there, take it easy,” Judy said, and crouched beside him. “No one’s going to shoot you.”

His eyes went wide with some surprise and almost relief. “Oh… oh, you’re not… oh, that’s… good…” But the adrenaline was clearly already working on him so he was still spiraling fast.

“Deep breaths, kid,” Nick added with a glance behind the door. “Don’t go passing out on us.”

The young todd nodded and took a few deep, steadying breaths. Judy knelt next to him and modelled the deep breathing rhythm with him and eventually the deep breaths seemed to be helping.

“Sorry about that,” he said eventually with one last deep breath and a rueful face. “I panicked… I thought you were those two hijackers.”

“Well, we definitely aren’t,” Judy confirmed. Hoping she might get this young fox to help fill in the gaps in their understanding of what had happened—and maybe let them use his phone—she asked, “What’s your name?”

“Billy.”

“You feeling a little better now, Billy?”

He nodded.

“Uhh, Carrots?” Nick said with another glance behind the door. “Starting to get looks. Think we can, uhh… talk more in the closet? All squeeze in? Maybe?”

“Ah, pellets.” She stepped over Billy. “Sorry, let’s just… maybe I can…”

She jumped up to the sink and sat on the edge of it with her legs dangling over. Nick took up his seat on the throne, while Billy scooched under the sink.

“…Cozy,” Nick commented wryly as he pulled off the scarf and started to shimmy the long dress over his head. “Definitely didn’t have ‘sharing a bathroom’ on my vacation bingo board for this trip.”

Billy cocked his head in confusion and a little alarm as his new bathroom buddies started disrobing. “Uhhh… uhhhhhhhh… uhhhhhhh…” The hyperventilating started again. “Who are you?? Why the heck are you stripping??”

“I’m Officer Judy Hopps and this is my partner Officer Wilde. We’re–”

The hyperventilating started all over.

“Crepes, not again.”

“Listen kid, we’re not the hijackers,” Nick said crossly. “That’s why we were wearing disguises to begin with, so we could get through the passenger car. Already got jumped once by a crazy skunk who thought we were gonna rob her.”

“Ohhh.” He peered at them, squinting his eyes. “You know, now I can see that. Whoever that jill is though is a dead ringer for you,” he said to Judy. He pointed at Nick. “And you’re way too short to be that other todd that was running around collecting phones and purses.”

“Gee, thanks,” he said sarcastically.

“No, it’s not a criticism. He’s, like, freakishly tall.”

“Was that when you locked yourself in here?” Judy asked.

“Yeah, I ducked in when his back was turned and locked the door.” He rubbed his neck sheepishly. “Shucks, I feel real bad about calling that radio station about all this now…”

“You did WHAT?” they both hissed in disbelief. He shrank under their intense stares.

“You can’t blame me! They were the ones stomping around and claiming to be you and posting it on social media! I was just trying to get some help!”

“Argh, what a mess,” Nick fumed and threw the fuzzy pink bracelets on the floor in aggravation.

“Listen, Billy,” Judy said as she took off the hat and started to rub the stripes off her face with the help of some water from the tap. “We need your help. The two mammals that have taken over the train are pretending to be someones they aren’t. We need to stop them and stop this train before anything worse happens. Does your phone work, by any chance?”

“I mean, it did,” he said, holding it up to show a black screen. “But it’s kinda out of juice now.”

Nick sighed. “Of course it is.”

Judy groaned also. “Moldy cheese, what are the chances…?”

“Can you give us an idea of what’s ahead?” Nick asked. “Do you know how many cars there are between us and the engine?”

“The next car is a sightseeing car. All the chairs face toward these huge windows, with little tables and desks in between them. That was where I was sitting when they busted in and started sending everyone back into this other car here. Pretty sure the baggage car is after that and then the engine car.”

“Okay, that’s at least encouraging. We’re almost there.”

“Yeah, but you’re seriously going to need to be careful. Both of those imposters have guns and did not look like they would hesitate to use them either. They were waving them all over the place.”

“Well, we have two more cars to come up with a plan for that.” Nick carefully stood up and inched his way toward Billy. “Hate to do this, kid, but I have to commandeer that phone. We need to contact our Chief about all this and it’s the only cellphone left not in the paws of the hijackers.”

Billy hugged the phone to his chest. “But I told you it’s dead.”

“We’ll find a way to get it some juice. Hand it over.”

“Nick, don’t take his cell,” Judy argued. “We need to just go and stop the hijackers; we don’t have time to wait for a phone to charge.”

“I think it would be best to let someone on the outside know what’s actually happening here,” he made a general motion at the door. “Or do you really think we should let the rest of the country think we’re the ones doing all this?”

Take Billy’s phone? Chapter 44.

Don’t take Billy’s phone? Chapter 68.

Chapter Text

Honestly, nevermind the imposters hijacking the train; as Nick and Judy entered the rearmost coach car, they were more afraid of the passengers who thoroughly believed they were actually committing these crimes. The majority of these mammals may not have had deadly weapons, but there were a heck of a lot more of them, many of whom were bigger than them.

The hard part had been stepping across the gap between cars; as expected, the door to this car did not put up any sort of fight. When they entered, they could hardly see anybody; the only immediate tell that the car wasn’t abandoned were the backs of large species poking out from behind the seats as they all ducked and hid. But as the fox and bunny opened the door, the noise of the world outside came in with them, which got some mammals’ ears perking up, though none found the courage to look up just yet. It was only when they heard the sliding door clunk shut, confirming that their ears weren’t playing tricks on them, that an ibex found the will to stand up just enough to peek over the peak of the seats. And what he saw got him standing all the way upright soon enough.

“NO!” he bellowed as he pointed at the suspected officers, other passengers rising to look at what he was hooting and hollering at. “HOW did they get in through the back door!? HOW!? I do NOT, I do NOT consent to this reality!!”

“Whoa whoa, whoa, hold on there, slugger!” Nick implored him sternly, paws up to signal the ibex and everyone else coming out of the woodwork to slow their roll. “We don’t consent to this reality either! We’re not who you think we are! …Which, uh, which is to say, we are--”

“I KNEW IT!”

“--but the mammals you think are us, are not us.”

For a moment there, the passengers were too confused to be afraid of or angry at them.

Judy took the verbal baton. “Let us explain--”

“You freaking better explain!!” a jaguar barked at them.

“Ma’am, you’re gonna need to let us talk, then,” the rabbit said as calmly as she could in this situation. “We saw on social media, there’s two mammals hijacking the train who’re impersonating us. They are imposters. We don’t know what their motives are, but we are the real Hopps and Wilde!”

“And we’ve got our IDs to prove it!” the fox declared as he flashed his driver’s license.

“Why not your police badges if you’re supposed to be the real McCoys!?” a raccoon challenged him.

“Because we’re on vacation! Who brings their work badges on vacation, what kind of narcissists do you think we are--!?”

Yoink.

“HEY!”

“Lemme see that…” a hippo woman grumbled as she swiped Nick’s license out of his hand; she scrutinized it and scrutinized him, eyes switching back and forth between the piece of plastic and the mammal it represented. “...This says you’re four feet tall. You don’t look that tall.”

Suffice it to say, that was the last thing Nick was expecting her to observe. And now everyone including Judy was observing him, trying to decide if there was indeed a damning discrepancy. Nick, standing there and feeling all these eyes upon him, tried to play it cool after being called out like this, and he mostly succeeded, but not as well as he usually would.

“...Okay, so I rounded up a little bit. I’m a guy, that’s what we do, sue me. A-and hey, can you really discern a couple inches from all the way up there--!?”

“What the lady means…” a chamois spoke up sternly, “is that the fox who robbed us was visibly a lot taller than you, short stuff. Probably a lot closer to that number than you are.”

“And!? Your point is!? If you think he’s the real me, then who am I supposed to be!?”

“An impersonator they hired to lull us into a false sense of security,” a wolverine answered promptly.

“So now you accept that there’s a Fake Me and you think the Fake Me is me!?”

“How do we know if you didn’t just steal his ID, fox?”

“Because I look like the guy in the photo!” Nick protested, pointing at the license far out of his reach before looking around the cabin at all the passengers -- notably, none of them were of the vulpine persuasion. “What, do all red foxes just look alike to you people!?”

The utter lack of a reply from any one of them answered that question tellingly enough.

“Well, I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt,” a lemur spoke up, “she looks exactly like the rabbit who robbed us. Different clothes, sure, but if you can organize a heist, you can figure out how to change your wardrobe at some point to gaslight your victims.”

Judy had already been fuming on Nick’s behalf that these passengers genuinely lacked the ability to tell foxes apart; now she was even more furious for the opposite reason. These mammals were right, she did look exactly like her opposite number, and that was no coincidence. It was the last thing she wanted to be reminded of, but here they were. That did, however, give her an idea for how to win these people over.

“Okay, now I’m confused,” Nick continued uselessly. “Do you people think we’re imposters, or imposters of the imposters, or what? Hey, we’re flattered you think we’re smart enough to be playing twelve-dimensional chess with your heads, but I assure you, it’s not that complicated--!”

“Hold on, Nick…” Judy spoke up as she unlocked her phone, realizing her partner’s ranting and raving wasn’t going to wrap up anytime soon. “I think I know how to prove we’re not the criminals here…”

With that, she turned her device around to show its screen to the passengers, who crowded around the small rectangle. On it were images of a very similar bunny and a not-so-similar fox barking orders to terrified passengers in another car of the train, as seen from the video camera of one of those terrified passengers.

“...Because the criminals are in there,” Judy said, pointing to the far door to the next coach car. “This is a livestream.”

And before anybody could protest, the sounds of screaming that just about matched the ones on the video feed came from the other side of that door, faintly audible over the rumbling of the train.

By and large, the mammals before them saw that and understood that they were looking at the bona-fide Nick and Judy. Not all of them, though.

“Yeah, well…!” the lemur stammered furiously. “Maybe you and them are different people, but I still think you’re doppelgangers hired to lull us into a false sense of security--!”

“Look at my license, dude!” Nick demanded as he held said document out again. “That’s clearly me in the photo, not that lanky-looking son of a--!”

“Fine, so you are the real you and you hired these imposters to commit crimes just for you two to show up for real and confuse everybody, so nobody will think you’re in on it--!”

“Cheese and tap-dancing crackers, that is not what’s going on here!” the bunny snapped. “That is not what’s going on here! There’s a fox and a bunny who don’t like us -- or anybody if they’re committing acts of terrorism for fluff’s sakes -- and they’re trying to defame us by hijacking a goshdarn train!”

“And trying to embarrass us by making out like teenagers where the world can see them,” the fox added, “don’t forget that.”

“That too. But what else do you need us to prove?” She pointed to the far door again. “They could come through those doors at any second, do you want to waste time arguing, or do you want to help us beat them!?”

“I… actually don’t think they’re coming back here yet,” the ibex from earlier spoke up. “They were going back-to-front all the way, that’s why it surprised us so much when you popped out of the back door, like what the hell?”

The bunny was losing her patience. “W-well, even if they’re not coming back yet, they’re coming back eventually! So tell us exactly what we need to do to convince you that we’re ourselves -- and that we’re not trying to deceive you -- and we’ll do it! Whatever it takes to hurry up and take down these hijackers!”

“Oh, you know what you can do to convince us?” scoffed a river otter. “Go and take down the hijackers. Prove you’re good by doing good, then we’ll believe you! If you’re really heroes, you wouldn’t be so hung up on whether we believe you or not.”

The passengers in the car murmured in agreement.

“We did do good to earn your trust, for years before this!” Judy protested.

“And your opinions of us kinda matter when we don’t know if one or all of you is gonna attack us or something!” Nick added.

“Well…” a ram spoke up, “...I did wanna attack you, but I didn’t wanna be the first one to do it because I didn’t wanna be… that guy…”

The passengers in the car murmured in agreement.

The officers turned to one another, exchanging frustrated expressions. Welp, the mammals they were sworn to serve and protect had named their price; if Hopps and Wilde wanted to clear their names, they had to solve this dilemma first. They just had to figure out how first. But while two heads may have been better than one, it didn’t look like they were going to get any more heads than that to brainstorm with them.

No matter. This is what their training was for.

“Alright. Nick. Without thinking,” Judy began. “...What’s your first instinct for what we should do?”

“My first instinct is to just bumrush these dimestore train-robbers and to figure it out as we go along,” he answered confidently. “Use our resources, improvise. Wise? Maybe not, but hey, we survived Bellwether, I’m liking our chances.”

Any other situation and his confidence would have enchanted her as much as it would have inspired her. But this wasn’t any other situation. Part of it was the fact that, yes, the danger threat here seemed much higher than other situations they’d been in; even the ones that were extremely perilous hadn’t seemed that way when they entered them, they just turned out to be as they’d gone along. So if this seemed crazy from the jump, then based on prior data, it would probably end up being crazier than they could ever foresee. But that wasn’t her only source of hesitation.

“...I have faith in our abilities too, but I’m thinking the best thing to do would be to evacuate the passengers first, then take these fakes on,” she answered, matching his no-nonsense tone. “I don’t want any innocents getting hurt if they don’t have too.”

She meant every word of that, and the stern, stony look on her face made that unquestionable. That said, there was absolutely more to it than that. If she could get all these civilians off the train before they could find out who the Fake Judy was to her, she’d prioritize that. The best decisions are rarely made for just one reason.

Nick looked around the shuttering cabin. “Okay, sounds cute, but how do you propose we actually do that!? Just have everyone tuck and roll off the train?”

Judy looked around, didn’t find what she was looking for, and addressed the passengers again. “Excuse me! Does anybody know if there’s an emergency brake in this car?”

The bunny could hardly make out a word as all the animals began clamoring in horror and protest at that question.

“Whoa, whoa, slow down,” the fox implored them, “one at a time!”

“You told us that if we hit the emergency brake, you’d start getting violent!” a porcupine shot back at them. And most of the mammals in that cabin muttered something in affirmation.

“No, we didn’t,” Judy stressed, “because those two are not us!!”

This statement got several of the passengers clamming up as they got to thinking.

Others, however, remained resolute. “Aw, you’re just pretending to forget because the other Hopps and Wilde you’re in cahoots with want you to pull it to give them an excuse to start blasting!” a horse bellowed at them.

“NO WE ARE NOT!!”

“The real Hopps wouldn’t get this angry,” sneered an aardvark.

“Guys, shut up,” a springbok spoke up, “I’m starting to think they actually don’t know what’s going on here--”

“Oh, don’t you tell me to shut up!”

“THEN DON’T BE SAYING STUPID CRAP OUT LOUD AND NOBODY’D WANNA TELL YOU TO SHUT UP!!”

And if the train wasn’t loud enough, it got even louder as the maddening crowd got madder still, the believers and the skeptics verbally going at each other’s throats and getting close to the point of doing so physically as well. The officers looked at one another again.

“Well, that’s important information,” Nick remarked. “If these creeps are crazy enough to hold up a train, I don’t think they’d be bluffing about killing people.”

Again, any other case, and Judy would agree without hesitation. But she still wasn’t so sure about this situation. The bunny would never forgive herself if she endangered innocent lives, but surely Jolene wasn’t inclined to actually commit indiscriminate murder just to spite her, would she? Well, then again, Judy never thought her sister would commit terrorism just to spite her, yet here they were.

“...The way they were talking, though…” Judy began tepidly, “...if they had to threaten these mammals not to pull an emergency brake, that means there is one in here. Probably. It’d be weird if they said that and there wasn’t.”

“You’re still thinking about pulling it?”

“I mean, if the train crashes, that’d be a lot more casualties than if the fakes actually sought to hurt people on a train that was stopped,” she thought out loud. “...Argh, but then we’d be directly responsible for it--”

“So it’s the Trolley Problem.”

She winced at him. “What?”

“The Trolley Problem. Our options are to risk a bunch of people getting hurt with our paws clean or saving most of them but being directly responsible for the ones who get hurt anyway.”

“...Aw, fiddlesticks,” the bunny grumbled when she realized the fox was spot on.

“Time’s ticking, Carrots,” Nick reminded her. “I cast my vote, but we gotta be on the same page. We doing it my way or your way?”

BOOM! You just got Trolley Problem’d! So! What’s it gonna be?

To pull the emergency brake and hope the bandits are bluffing, turn to Chapter 43!

Or to soldier on and hope you stop the criminals before the train potentially crashes and kills everyone in a mushroom cloud, turn to Chapter 44!

Chapter Text

Objection!

“Your Honor!” Eric exclaimed. “There's evidence that the defendants couldn't have been the ones to rob the train!”

“Guilty?” Joey said, tilting his head in confusion.

“Probably, dearest,” Hopkins cooed, scratching between his ears before acknowledging Eric. “What evidence are you speaking of, Mr. Badge?”

“This!” Eric held up Nick's cellphone, showing the picture he'd taken with Judy.

Hopkins rolled her eyes. “I have no interest in you youngins’ ‘social media.’”

“The only thing viral about this photo is how ill it will make Prosecutor VanDal!” Eric assured.

Kyle glanced over at him lazily. “What are you on about?”

“Look at the timestamp!” Eric insisted.

The bailiff brought the cellphone to Hopkins. Joey reached for it eagerly, hoping to play games. When it was refused, he banged his gavel in frustration. “Guilty!”

Hopkins patted him placatingly. “3:10 PM. What's so exciting about that?”

“Simple!” Eric replied, slamming his desk. “That timestamp is right in the middle of the train robbery! Yet this picture clearly shows our clients alone in their train car!”

“Gah!” MacTalon ducked beneath the witness stand. “Enemy fire!”

Hopkins hummed in thought. “That does seem odd…”

Objection!

Kyle gave an overly dramatic groan as he got off the wall and stood up straight. But as he did, he suddenly looked startled, jumping back and staring at the floor. “Aaah!”

“Are you alright?” Hopkins asked.

“Yes, Your Honor,” Kyle replied, dusting himself off. “This case is just so far beneath me, I almost stepped in it.”

(He put more effort into that gag than anything else so far.)

“Anyway, the answer to this one is obvious. Frankly, I shouldn't have to point this out to everyone, but since the guy with glasses is apparently the only one not too blind to read between the lines, have you considered that this supposed ‘evidence’ is a fabrication? And not even a particularly clever one.”

“What do you mean?” Eric challenged.

“Witnesses saw the defendants in the… ugh. Was hoping I wouldn't have to say it…” Kyle pinched the bridge of his nose. “...in the Gaboose. Once they were on the other side of the door, they easily could have slipped back in to take the selfie as a really stupid attempt at an alibi, before slipping back out and continuing the robbery.”

“A perfect explanation!” Hopkins said giddily, raising her gavel. “This court hereby finds the defendants—”

Objection!

“That's mere conjecture!” Eric argued.

“Can you please chill, lady?” Delilah asked, clutching her tail.

“We really need to have a word with the mayor about her…” Judy whispered to Nick.

“Yeah, as much as I’m enjoying this bit, it is just a possibility,” Kyle agreed. “At this point, you're even starting to freak me out.”

Now it was Hopkins who groaned dramatically. “Fiiiiiine. Where do we go from here, then?”

“Might I suggest that we have the defendants speak for themselves?” Eric offered. “We've yet to hear their version of events.”

“Works for me,” Kyle said with a shrug. “Detective, you’re dismissed.”

MacTalon didn’t budge.

“Sorry, I meant DIIIS-MISSED!”

“Sir, yes, sir!” MacTalon promptly left the stand.

“If you all insist…” Hopkins said glumly. “Something had better come of this, Mr. Badge, and I'm declaring the defendants guilty.”

“You mean or you'll declare us guilty, right?” Nick asked as he and Judy made their way to the witness stand.

“I said what I said.”

As they came to the stand, Judy did her best to stand up straight and look professional. Nick didn't, folding his arms and looking generally bored.

"Names and occupations?" Kyle prompted. “Like anyone in this room doesn’t know already…”

Judy snapped into a sharp salute. "Judith Laverne Hopps! Officer of the ZPD, Precinct 1!"

"Is she okay?" Delilah asked.

"Carrots goes professional when she's nervous," Nick replied. "Anyway, Nick Wilde. I'm a donut muncher too."

"Donut!" Joey cheered.

"Later, dear," Hopkins soothed.

"Guilty!"

"Soon, sweetie."

Eric cleared his throat. "Officers, could you please explain the events of the incident, from your perspective?"

Nick shrugged. "I mean, we could, but shockingly little happened from our end."

"Didn't you hear what was going on?"

"We heard something, yeah. But then we just sorta... kept not investigating it."

"This already isn't helping your case and they haven't even started," Kyle noted.

(He’s not wrong.) "Er, yes, perhaps it would be best if you just begin your testimony now."

Witness
Testimony

-- Wilde and Waiting --

Judy: “It started when we heard a commotion further up in the train. We tried to check, but the door to our car was locked.”

Judy: “So we decided to stay put and try to contact Chief Bogo over the train's Wi-Fi.”

Nick: “But the Wi-Fi sucked. And since that wasn’t going anywhere, neither did we.”

Nick: “It took way longer than expected though, and nothing else really interesting happened. At least... not for us. “

Judy: “Eventually, the train stopped, TUSK busted in, and violently arrested us both.”

Nick: “Oh yeah! I guess THAT part was pretty interesting!”

"About as suspiciously non-descript as expected," Kyle said, leaning back against the wall. "Good luck getting anything useful when even your own clients won't tell you jack."

"Hey, we told you everything we did," Nick insisted. "Not our fault that happened to be a fat load of nothing."

"It was kind of our fault…" Judy admitted.

"Shh! Carrots, don't show weakness. Prosecutors are like sharks hunting for blood.”

"At least sharks know better than to stop moving." Kyle glanced across the room. "But on the subject of accomplishing nothing, I believe it's time for your cross-examination."

"If you all want to move things along so badly, you could just let me declare my verdict," Hopkins grumbled. "But fine. Have at it, defense."

(I'm really going to have to take this one apart. There has to be SOMETHING in there we can use.)

Cross
Examination

-- Wilde and Waiting --

Judy: “It started when we heard a commotion further up in the train. We tried to check, but the door to our car was locked.”

Hold it!

"What sort of commotion did you hear?" Eric asked.

"Loud voices," Judy recalled. "A definite ruckus."

"Also known as a fracas," Nick quipped.

“Oh! Oh! A kerfuffle!” Delilah yelled. “Yes! Finally, an excuse to say it myself!”

(Am I expected to offer a synonym of my own?)

"We couldn't exactly hear what was being said," Judy continued. "Maybe it was that the train was too loud, or maybe the door was too thick."

"Or maybe our heads weren't screwed on just right," Nick suggested.

Judy ignored him. "But we couldn't make out what they were saying."

"I imagine it was something along the lines of 'Please stop robbing us'," Kyle offered. "But that's just my guess."

Judy: “So we decided to stay put and try to contact Chief Bogo over the train's Wi-Fi.”

Hold it!

"It really took that long to connect?"

"Out in the boonies?" Nick replied. "I'm surprised it got there at all."

"I can relate on that front," Delilah admitted. "Easily the best part about moving to the city."

"Honestly, you all make way too big a deal out of it," Judy huffed, her foot thumping.

Nick smirked. "Considering it's pretty much why we're here, I'd say it's warranted in this case, Carrots."

"So the Wi-Fi wasn't working," Eric said, trying to get back on track. "Surely, you must've thought to try something else then?"

"Oh yeah!" Nick nodded. "That's when I had the idea to take that selfie you showed earlier!"

(...Glad we cleared that up.)

Nick: “But the Wi-Fi sucked. And since that wasn't going anywhere, neither did we.”

Hold it!

"Why didn't you try anything else?" Eric asked.

Both of them looked embarrassed.

"We... we don't know," Nick replied.

"Sunk cost fallacy?" Judy guessed. "After waiting for so long to connect... I guess we just didn't want to risk losing that connection."

(Bugger. That is not a good answer.)

Objection!

"The defendants are sus!" Kyle proclaimed.

Hopkins glared at him. "Prosecutor VanDal! No more meme references, or I'll declare the defendants guilty!"

"Sorry, Your Honor!" Kyle said with a shit-eating grin. “I just needed to vent.”

Hopkins raised her gavel.

“P-Please continue your testimony!” Eric said quickly.

Nick: “It took way longer than expected though, and nothing else really interesting happened. At least... not for us. “

Hold it!

"You're sure you have nothing else to report?" Eric pressed, a bit desperately.

"Sorry, but we were seriously off our game that day, for reasons I can't begin to explain. Nothing comes to mind."

He seemed pretty sure about that, but Judy was less so, looking away and muttering to herself in thought.

Pardon me!

"Eep!" She jolted, her ears standing up straight. "W-What is it?"

"Ms. Hopps, do you remember anything else?"

"Oh!" Judy brightened. "That's right! I did remember something."

"Oh right," Nick recalled. "Could be nothing, still."

Eric smiled, giving a nod. “Yes, I seem to remember something as well. You saw something fly by the windows, right?”

Kyle’s eyes narrowed, just a smidge. “What?”

Now Eric finally got excited. "Did you get a good look at it?"

"Well... no." Her ears drooped. "It was just a flash. Could've been a bird."

"Don't be ridiculous, defendant." Hopkins shook her head. "Birds are just a myth."

There was a beat of silence, unrelated to anything from the defense for once. (I really have to question her qualifications. After the trial.)

"Well, whatever it was, it sounds as fleeting as the defense's case," Kyle said, smirking. "Unless you can explain what exactly it was you think she saw?"

(Given the circumstances, I might just be able to!) Eric nodded. "Very well, Prosecutor VanDal. I'll take you up on that challenge. I believe what the defendant saw was…”

Take that!

"It's the very same duffel bag you were showing off earlier!"

Sadly, Kyle was not caught off-guard. He nodded agreeably. "I see. Congrats on picking the only piece of evidence that even remotely made sense, but I’m still going to have to argue against it. After all, it’s coming from the defendant’s own testimony!” He raised his paw into a finger gun, and fired it.

Eric reeled back from the blow. “Urk! O-Okay, that is true, but…”

“But nothing! It isn’t any different now than if you hypothetically presented this earlier!”

He slammed his desk with both paws. “Yes, but now I’m feeling pretty confident it’s the right thing to focus on!”

Kyle growled. “Fine, I’ll bite. Presumably, you think something can be done with this bag to prove your clients' innocence. So, what do you have in mind?"

Eric pondered it for a moment. "The defense would like to..."



What WOULD the defense like to? We have the right evidence this time, but how can it be used to help Nick and Judy? Choose wisely!

To search the bag’s contents, turn to Chapter 47!

To dust the bag for fingerprints, turn to Chapter 48!

To give the bag a big ol' sniff, turn to Chapter 49!

Chapter Text

Over the next few weeks, the fox and bunny managed to get into the swing of the prison routines. Working in the prison kitchen, chatting with mammals in the yard, and watching EVERYTHING. Where the guards were during certain time periods, how the building was laid out, what vents and service doors led where, and how they could acquire the tools they needed.

A chisel smuggled from the woodworking shop…

The discovery of previously abandoned areas of the prison complex…

Signing up for the janitorial position…

A screwdriver swiped from a maintenance worker…

It all culminated one evening, with a female pig guard lying slumped back in her chair, a warm cup in front of her that had been made with chamomile tea instead of her normal black tea.

Sitting in the empty staff room, the pig was none the wiser as Nick and Judy entered. Pushing a mop bucket and wearing vests labeled “prisoner sanitation detail.”

The rabbit began her routine of dragging the wet mop across the tile. Inching closer to the guard, a paw outstretched…

“Ah, allow me.” Nick whispered. “Sly fox.”

With a flick of his wrist, the guard’s flashlight was off her belt and in Nick’s paw, the fox ensconcing the item in his tail.

“I think that’s it for tonight.” Judy whispered. “Let go put our gear back in the sanitation room.”

Slinking out of the staff room, the pair stored their vests and mop bucket in the maintenance room, before hurrying back to their cell.

“Lights out!” One of the guards shouted, the two former officers resigned to their beds for about an hour, both of them then getting up and silently rising from their covers.

Pulling the cell toilet away from the wall, they revealed a chiseled-out hole that led to a small crawlspace.

“It’s a good thing we’re both small mammals.” Nick noted, squeezing through the gap, and covering it behind them.

Like a wild fox and bunny going through a warren, the two worked their way through the crawlspace. Moonlight barely shining in through a dirty window on the ceiling, covered by a metal grate. The two came to a service ladder and dropped down to the prison’s sub basement. It was an assortment of dusty and decaying hallways, overed in cobwebs and stains, drenched by darkness.

“I still don’t know why we couldn’t rely on your night vision.” Judy asked, Nick removing the flashlight from his tail and clicking it on.

“I told you, that works in night light, not in complete darkness! Besides, this is a lot better than my original plan of sneaking through the sewer system.”

“We already did that back during the Nighthowler case.”

“Well, this time we better not have to jump off a cliff into a lake far below.”

With only a glowing beam to guide them, the two navigated the dark underbelly of the prison.

“Hmm… I wonder if this place is on any of the prison maps.” Judy thought out loud. “I wonder when the last mammal was down here.”

“It would help if we knew where we were going.” Nick said. “Look around for… aha!”

The fox pointed to a door that had “10/7” on it in faded paint.

“10/7? What does that… wait, hang on…” Judy said, straining her eyes. “Are those other doors?”

Nick spun the flashlight to get a better view of their surroundings. They were in some sort of junction or hub area, with 4 doors leading in different directions.

“Let’s see…” Judy said… “there’s the 10/7 door… that one over there has what… It looks like a water droplet.”

“Exit to the rainforest district maybe?” Nick hypothesized.

“…. and the one to our right… has… uh…. some sort of spiked… cylinder on it. What is that supposed to represent?”

“What about this other one? I can’t even tell what that’s supposed to be, it’s so worn off.”

“Come on Slick, the way out has gotta be behind one of these doors. Let’s just pick one.”

TO GO THROUGH THE DOOR LABELED 10/7, GO TO CHAPTER 52.

TO GO THROUGH THE DOOR WITH THE WORN SYMBOL, GO TO CHAPTER 53.

TO GO THROUGH THE DOOR WITH THE SPIKY CYLINDER, GO TO CHAPTER 54.

TO GO THROUGH THE DOOR LABELED WITH THE DROPLET SYMBOL, GO TO CHAPTER 55.

Chapter Text

After a deep breath, Judy answered: “I don’t know what’s beyond those doors,” she said as she pointed towards the exit to the next car, “but we have a chance to de-escalate the conflict right now. I don’t see why we should gamble.”

“So you wanna pull it?” Nick asked, expecting a yes.

“If we can find the ‘it’...”

While Judy looked around for the emergency brake, Nick side-eyed the crowd of passengers. While many were still focused on butting heads with one another, there were still a fair number with their eyes fixed firmly on the fox and bunny, awaiting their next move. Some watched distrustfully, others did so out of sheer curiosity, and still others just needed something to take their minds off of the fact that they were stuck on a hijacked vehicle hurtling down the tracks at speeds which God had not intended for mammals to move.

“...Just try not to make it too obvious what you’re looking for, alright, Carrots?” Nick asked in a near-murmur. “We still don’t have a majority of these people’s trust.”

“And here I was just about to ask if you could use your silver tongue to get some information from these people about where exactly ‘it’ is,” Judy answered without even looking at him, eyes preoccupied with finding that infernal brake as soon as possible.

“I appreciate the compliment, but silver as my tongue may be, my steel-trap mind thinks it unwise to use it right now.”

“Aw, they’ll trust us enough once we save them…” the bunny grumbled determinedly.

The manufacturer of this coach car had had two choices when designing it: they could put the emergency brake in a high-visibility spot for easy access in, y’know, an emergency, or they could hide it somewhere to deter people from pulling it accidentally or as a joke. Evidently they had chosen the latter, because Officer Hopps couldn’t find this stupid thing anywhere. Maybe it was at the other end of the car--?

Ope, nope, there it was. It was on the freaking ceiling. Random acts of delinquency must have seriously been a concern when these cars were made because there was no other reason why they’d logically put it in such an inaccessible spot. Honestly, this was borderline hostile placement to put it where ninety percent of mammals couldn’t reach it, shame on them. But at least now she’d found it, and that was the first half of the battle.

“Nick… I’m gonna need your help…” Judy muttered quietly, making a point not to stare at the red oblong pull-cord handle dangling above them. “It’s on the darn roof.”

“Hm?” He misunderstood why she said that like it was a surprise. “Yeah, where else were you looking?”

“Not on the roof.”

“...Okay,” said the fox who had pulled many emergency brakes on public vehicles as a mischievous kit and prior to this moment had always just passively assumed everyone had. “You need help getting up there?”

“Please. I’m thinking… throw me upwards while I jump for extra leverage?”

“Like a diving board?”

“Exactly. But we’ve gotta do it quick or these people are gonna freak out.”

So they did it. Right on the same wavelength, they got into quick formation without a word needed between them. The bigger fox put out his paws for the smaller rabbit to stand and crouch upon, and with a closed-lip heave, he threw her up as she launched herself from her heels. Between the spring in her lapine step and his experience throwing his fennec friend over tall walls and fences to escape law enforcement, they had enough force to get Judy all the way up to a ceiling designed to accommodate all but the most mega of megafauna.

Do not, however, misread that as them actually succeeding. And they didn’t even do anything wrong, it was just… you know who else can jump good? Kangaroos.

“GAH!” the rabbit grunted as she was tackled mid-air, her and the assailant both crashing into the steel door before collapsing to the ground.

“JUDY!” Nick yelped in concern as he ran over to his partner, who was untangling herself from the arms of the kangaroo that had hopped clear over the fox’s head.

“I won’t let you do that!” the kangaroo passenger protested through groans of pain. “I don’t even think you are the robbers, but I definitely think the robbers weren’t lying about getting violent if we pulled the brake!”

The cops didn’t have a second to counter that argument before a chorus of voices made their own, some agreeing with the kangaroo, others still skeptical that this Hopps and Wilde were the genuine articles, and some just remarking that it was really cool how the passenger had just snatched her out of the air like that.

“Okay, look at this way!” Judy projected. “If those two really are such a danger, then me and Wilde going after them won’t be much help to you if they manage to get the better of us! We’re trying to do what we can with the resources we have, while we can!”

“Remember, people, we didn’t exactly bring our tranqs and tasers with us on our civilian trip,” Nick chimed in. “I mean, would you rather try jumping off the train while it’s still moving!?”

“YES!”

All eyes searched for the owner of the voice, who soon made himself easier to identify by sticking his hooved fist in the air. The buck stood resolutely while fearlessly returning the gaze of the cops he so adamantly defied.

“If you wanna call those psychos’ bluff, more power to you,” he scoffed, “but first let me -- and everybody else who doesn’t -- get the hell off a’ this thing before you find out. This ain’t nothin’ about distrusting you, it’s about distrusting them, and I’m asking you two to be adults about it and respect that.”

Murmurs broke out once more as the crowd weighed the pros and cons of what the deer was proposing. For their part, Nick and Judy shared a glance; the bunny seemed to be growing upset by how little progress they were making, but the fox, wearing a look of deeply unimpressed skepticism, had the mind that if this stubborn buck didn’t want to call the imposters’ bluffs, then perhaps they should call his bluff instead.

“Alright,” Officer Wilde said calmly to the deer, “...would you like to go first?”

The buck was visibly surprised for a split second that the cops were that quick to accept his idea, a bounce of the eyebrows betraying his subverted expectations, but that fleeting feeling passed and he resumed his confident projection. “Sure. Just lemme grab my stuff.”

He collected his luggage and led the officers and a gaggle of onlookers to the rear door near the Gaboose; Judy had the mind to instruct some passengers to act as lookouts in the event that the poseurs returned. The officers followed the defiant passenger out the doors and across the gap to the platform of the locked Gaboose; those who couldn’t find space to see through the doorway crowded by the windows to bear witness. The buck faced to the right of the direction of travel, towards the edge of the railbed that didn’t have another set of tracks upon it, and began swinging his luggage bag like a pendulum to gain momentum before tossing it.

“This’ll be easy…” he muttered smugly, barely audible over the roar of the train, then added more loudly: “Tuck and roll, and we’ll all be fine!”

He released his bag, which flew through the air and vanished behind the Gaboose before it could be seen landing. And just as he’d promised, the daring deer backed up as far as he could on the platform, gave himself a running start, and leapt out, curling himself into a ball in midair.

And then one of his gigantic antlers dug into the railbed gravel and snapped as the momentum carried the rest of his body away from it.

“AAAAARGH!”

Even with the door wide open, you could hear gasps, cries, and screams in reaction from within the coach. A moose even threw up; one had to imagine he’d be sensitive to antler-related mishaps.

“Okay, well…” Nick murmured to himself as much as anybody as he and Judy shuffled themselves back inside, “scratch that idea--”

“Wait.”

“Oh, what now!?” demanded an exasperated Judy.

This new voice was a leopard; she stepped into the aisle to make her presence known. “That guy had the right idea, he just executed it wrong. And the coat rack on his head didn’t help.”

“Excuse you!?” asked the moose who was still wiping puke out of his beard.

“Yes, excuse me!” the leopard lady said forwardly as she pushed her way through the crowd to the exit door, her own suitcase in hand. “Let me show you how to do this…”

The cycle began anew: the challenger went to the deck of the Gaboose, the cops watched over them, and everyone else got the best view they could afford. The leopard stepped back, strided forward, threw her belongings, leapt in a way that would make her primitive ancestors proud, and --

“AAAHHHHHHH!!!”

-- oh. Oh my God. That was a bad landing. Legs are not supposed to bend like that.

The screams in the cabin were worse than the last round; this time it sounded like they’d all just witnessed an assassination. At least one baby was crying.

“Okay, this isn’t working!” Judy announced commandingly as she stepped back in with Nick and closed the door behind them. “I know it’ll be risky, but it’ll be the least risky thing we can do, so unless you wanna end up like them, will you all let me pull the break now?”

“Well… wait,” Nick of all people spoke up.

“What’s there to wait for!?” asked Judy, her patience long ago having been worn down to nothing. “Time is ticking and you saw how badly those two got hurt!”

“Bingo: they got hurt, but did they get killed?” posed the fox, his usual smug slyness absent as he seemed to be taking no joy in arguing this case. “They’re hurt, but they’re alive, and if these people are right that Bizzaro Us aren’t screwing around, that might be better than a bullet to the brain.”

The passengers began discussing this quandary amongst themselves. And the bunny, desperate as she was to make a decision quickly, found herself burning daylight as she had absolutely no idea what to say to that.

“Life over limb,” Nick summarized, “that’s what I heard them say when I pretended to be a lifeguard.”

“When did you pretend to be a fudging lifeguard!?”

“When I was a teenage boy who realized that the dumpy community pool in my crummy neighborhood wouldn’t notice if I pretended to be a lifeguard, put out a tip jar and told people they weren’t paying me squat, and spent a summer getting paid sitting on my ass and watching babes in bikinis walk by. Hey! Hey. Don’t give me that look, Carrots, I’m still a guy. And to cover my ass, I talked to some of the real lifeguards there to figure out what I’d need to do if I ever needed to play the part, and that was one thing they said: life over limb, better to injure someone while saving them than to fish their dead body out of the water because you were too careful. Now what’s it gonna be, Carrots? We gonna pull the brake and see what happens, or do what we can to put these people in guaranteed lesser danger?”

Well, after a monologue like that, they really don’t have time to putz around, now do they!? Alright, critters; what’s it gonna be?

To pull the brake anyway and hope the imposters were just bluffing about their violent threat, turn to Chapter 56!

Or to trade some likely breaks and bruises for a zero percent chance of dying in a firefight and/or train crash, turn to Chapter 66!

Chapter Text

The following things were true: regardless of the risks that their inaction might hurt everybody, Judy knew she would never feel peace again if her actions hurt anybody innocent; Judy had a sense of confidence that she could still diffuse this situation if she and Nick put their crafty heads together; and that the part of this crisis that made it so personally terrifying for her might prove to also be a unique opportunity.

“Let me ask one last thing?” she asked her partner.

“Go for it,” Nick nodded.

“Alright! So…” the rabbit projected to the crowd in the train, “...do we know if the hijackers have actually hurt or killed anybody yet, or if they’ve only threatened to?”

A nonbeliever hidden in the crowd dissented: “You ARE the hijackers, you--!”

“NO WE ARE NOT!!”

The voices all died again; nobody on that train even realized a bunny could yell that loud.

“...You heard the lady,” the fox spoke up, “anybody gonna have the manners to answer her!?”

“...No,” a deep voice said meekly.

“No what!?” Judy demanded. “Who was that!?”

“No… we don’t think they’ve hurt anyone yet.” A hippo bashfully stuck his head into the aisle to face her. “...We think.”

Judy turned to Nick and took a deep breath through her nose. “Let’s go. We can try reasoning with them.”

“I’ve got the tongue for it!” the fox smirked, then gestured for the bunny to make her way to the next car. “Ladies first.”

“Actually… about that. Sir? Mister, uh, Hippo? -Potamus?”

The passenger stuck their head out again to see what the rabbit officer wanted.

“You believe in us… can you help us?”

The passengers in the next car weren’t as surprised by their back door swinging open as the ones in the previous had been; after all, there was something beyond that door other than a locked-off caboose presumably abandoned by its occupants while they went buccaneering. But they were just as surprised as their counterparts when they saw the fox and bunny enter, wearing different clothes and coming from the opposite direction than they had last been seen going in. And then there was the fact that they were being carried in the arms of a hippopotamus, now that really threw them all for a loop.

“THE HIJACKERS ARE FAKES, THESE ARE THE REAL ONES!” the officers’ bulky chauffeur hollered to the crowd, speedrunning the exposition that took so long in the previous car as he likewise speed-ran down the aisle. “WE CAN TELL BY THEIR BODY LANGUAGE THAT THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON ANY BETTER THAN WE DO, THEY’RE NOT SCREWING WITH US, I’M HELPING THEM GO FACE THE FAKE HOPPS AND WILDE, NOBODY ATTACK THEM OR ME!”

And wouldn’t you know it, that strategy worked with the utmost efficiency. Nobody asked any questions. Nick and Judy said nothing; they didn’t have to. If there were any skeptics in the cabin, they didn’t have the nerve to contradict a hippo rushing through the train, let alone to attack the behemoth with two trained cops in his arms. They hardly would have had time to do so anyway, as they breezed right through to the next car in approximately twelve seconds.

Then on to the next car, which still did not harbor the hijackers, just more confused and disoriented riders. “THE HIJACKERS ARE FAKES, THESE ARE THE REAL ONES…!”

Twelve more seconds later, it was the moment of truth. This was the last passenger car. The suspects had nowhere else to be. Push was coming to shove. But before the hippo shoved the door open, he stood in the gap between the cars and hesitated.

“...Do you need me for this one too?” he asked anxiously above the roar of the train.

“It’d be nice, but we ain’t gonna force ya if you feel endangered,” answered the fox.

“You’ve done more than we could have asked for already,” said the rabbit. “We’re cops, we can take it from here by ourselves if need be.”

“...Yeah, I’d prefer that,” their carrier said with a hasty nod, gently putting them down amid the shaking platforms before disappearing wordlessly into the previous car.

“A shame, never even got his name,” Nick tutted. “I shall call him Aloysius. You ready, Carrots?”

“As I’ll ever be…” Judy sighed. Wasting no more time, they swung the final door open and rushed in.

Then they stopped.

“...Wait, where are they!?” Nick asked the crowd, who included no Fake Nicks nor Fake Judys and who were just as puzzled by the real ones’ presence as all the other passengers had been.

Well, one wasn’t shocked.

“I TOLD YOU THOSE ARE THE REAL ONES!” shrieked a young girl. With her stature, plus the stature of her mother, it wasn’t hard for the fox and bunny to locate her in the crowd.

“Natasha, HUSH!” the older giraffe warned her daughter worriedly.

Independently, Nick and Judy both had a lightbulb moment: oh, yeah, duh, of course the mammals who needed extra legroom -- or neckroom -- would have ponied up to pay for first class seats.

“Natasha!” Judy echoed as a kneejerk reaction, then thought better of it. “W-wait, first things first. Are the hijackers not here!?”

Nobody said anything, instead giving the cops looks of confusion as, again, they thought these two were the hijackers, and now they were all focusing their mental energy on the subtle differences in these two’s appearances from those of the fox and rabbit who’d been terrorizing them.

“What, did they rob you of your tongues, too!?” Nick challenged them. “We get it, it’s shocking, you thought they were us but we are us and they are cheap knock-offs of us, so now that you know it’s the real us, talk and give us something to work with here!”

“I-I-I know I’m just surprised that that kid was right!” stammered a kangaroo. “She was saying the whole time you’re not the real ones, you’re not the real ones--!”

“And we just assumed she was just in disbelief that you two would do something like that, just like the rest of us!” a cow finished.

“N-no,” the fox explained, “we were literally standing in front of her in line for the train!”

“And, what, you people didn’t listen to her because she’s a child!?” the rabbit steamed indignantly.

“God no, why would we listen to a child?” a wolverine scoffed. “Kids suck! When I was a kid, I lied about my old neighbor looking in my bedroom window because I was bored!”

“When I was a kid, I bit a counselor at summer camp because I wanted to see how he’d react,” a beaver chimed in.

“When I was a kid, I burned my family’s house down when I tried microwaving a car battery!” tossed in a leopard.

Nick and Judy were taken so thoroughly aback by these retorts that they briefly forgot that they were on a mission to stop borderline terrorists.

“W-we’re getting off-topic!” Judy spoke up. “That little giraffe girl is telling the truth! And you all should have believed her!”

“And I wanna know why you, Miz Giraffe Lady, didn’t notice that that other fox looks nothing like me when you saw me up close earlier!” Nick demanded.

But Miz Giraffe Lady was unfazed. “Well, forgive me that from up here, it’s hard to tell the details between you two,” she scoffed right back at him.

“Actually…” noted a diminutive prairie dog off to the cops’ side, “...from down here, yeah, the other Nick Wilde was, like… a lot taller than you… It’s kinda disappointing, actually.”

“Disappointing?” the fox sneered. “Is that the word we’re using??”

“Okay, enough!” the bunny hollered. “Where’s my sis-- uh, m-my silly imposter, where is she!?” Cheese and crackers, that was a close one.

“They went that way!” Natasha cried as she pointed towards the front of the train.

“Messing with the engineer, we’re pretty sure,” a coyote elaborated. “They mentioned they gotta check in every few minutes to make sure he doesn’t feel safe slowing this thing down.”

The officers nodded. “Good, fewer civilians to get caught in the crossfire if they take their frustration out on us,” said Judy.

“Can I come with!?” begged the giraffe girl.

“No you may not!” her mother scolded before addressing the cops. “...And forgive her for ending a sentence in a preposition, that’s a bad habit she gets from her father, he’s from Chiclawgo.”

“Wouldn’t even have noticed,” answered Judy.

“Now if you’ll excuse us, we have some heroing to do!” added Nick, despite my autocorrect trying to drop the G. No, this was no time to shoot opioids, they had a trainful of mammals to save. The fox and bunny ran down the aisle and out the doors to the next car, with many of the passengers behind them silently cheering them on.

They got to the next gap between doors and expected the next one to be in some way reinforced to keep passengers out of the operator’s compartment. Then they remembered a feature of the long-distance train that they’d forgotten.

“Oh yeah,” Nick murmured. “Café car. One more before the engine, I guess.”

“Argh, all that adrenaline for nothing,” Judy tutted before grabbing the door handle anyway. “Alright, let’s hurry through this one, we don’t have much time to spare--”

And just as they were doing precisely that and rushing in, they stopped in their tracks. There, staring back at them with expressions just as surprised, were the imposters. Also wide-eyed with bewilderment were the dozen or so railroad employees, huddled behind the snack bar counter on the receiving end of the real guns the fake officers held. Among these hostage staff members were Chris the weasel and Brian the wolf, whose countenances blended the vain relief that they were right about these hijackers not matching the Hopps and Wilde they’d seen earlier, and the hopelessness of the fact these real ones seemed dreadfully ill-equipped to actually stop the menaces between them.

It surely couldn’t have been more than a Mississippi second or two, but in the moment, it felt like time had frozen. Nick and Judy had not expected to encounter their opposite numbers for another car; Eddie and Jolene had not expected Nick and Judy to escape the Gaboose; and all the employees sure as hell weren’t expecting to be seeing double all of a sudden.

But this eternity could not last forever. Synapses fired all around, and after all parties recognized then accepted this bold new reality, they knew that the others would react to these new stimuli as well.

QUICKTIME EVENT! How are Nick and Judy gonna handle this?

To fight first and ask questions later, despite limited resources, turn to Chapter 50!

Or to talk it out and see if you can’t glean another way to diffuse this situation, turn to Chapter 71!

Chapter Text

Objection!

“Your Honor!” Eric exclaimed. “There's evidence that the defendants couldn't have been the ones to rob the train!”

“Guilty?” Joey said, tilting his head in confusion. 

“Probably, dearest,” Hopkins cooed, scratching between his ears before acknowledging Eric. “What evidence are you speaking of, Mr. Badge?”

“Why, the duffel bag of course! The one allegedly used by the defendants!”

“Really?” Kyle asked. “And how does the duffel bag contradict the detective’s testimony?”

He flinched. “Well… it doesn’t technically, but it’s worth taking a closer look at, don’t you think?”

MacTalon crossed her arms and huffed. “Wow, okay, just go ahead and ignore what I’m saying. Not like I had anything better to do today than come in and testify about this.”

(By the sound of things, you really didn’t.)

“You should learn to stop and smell the roses, defense,” Kyle said, shaking his head. “Especially when you’re careening over a precipice.”

“Seriously, Rick, one thing at a time here, okay?” added Delilah. “Think of the sloths in the gallery.”

Hopkins frowned. “Well, if the defense is so eager to jump ahead, maybe this will speed things up.”

GUILTY

Eric sheepishly put a paw to the back of his head. “A-Actually, can we maybe slow things down a bit?”

Don’t worry, getting ahead of the game is an important part of being a lawyer too! Still, it’s going to take a miracle to get Nick and Judy out of this jam.

If you believe in miracles, turn back to Chapter 28!

If the miracle never happen, turn to Chapter 29!

“Yeah…” said a sloth from the gallery. “Think… of us…” 

Chapter Text

Finally, Nick and Judy reached a conclusion… They’ll use the civilians’ help to try and take down the criminals. The problem is that they won’t want them to get hurt, so they’ll have to think of a strategy to avoid such a situation. First, they’d have to talk to each other and think about what they’ll do once they’re inside, then communicate with the rest of the mammals.

“Nick, this is going to be risky, but probably is better than heading only us alone and unarmed… Still, I don’t like putting them in danger.” Judy sighed, putting her paw on her chest.

“I know, but they still offered to help, we’re their only hope… and they’re our only hope.” Quickly he glanced at the raccoon, who didn’t see the fox, and lowered his head. “And also, I’m cooking some good strategy in my head, just let me add the condiments.” He flashed a smile at his own reference.

Judy raised an eyebrow. “Really?” Then shook her head about the sentence of her partner. “Well, don’t take long, we’re running out of time… and track.” Suddenly, she got an idea. “What if I get in and try to talk to them? I can buy you some time.”

“Carrots… They won’t fall for that, the moment you get inside alone, they’ll suspect me by proxy. Let alone what they can do to you with those guns…” Nick was really concerned about the bunny’s safety, there’s no way he’d let her look like dead meat by entering there.

The expression in his face said everything Judy needed to know. “Alright, I won’t go alone… But please, think of a plan, fast.”

“Thinking of a plan requires some time, even a little… I’ll talk to them and propose what I have in mind. Meanwhile, think of a way to distract those two criminals.” The fox commented, ready to take on his new plan.

Upon Nick’s call, surprisingly almost every mammal went right up to him. Then he lowered his voice and everyone just lowered their heads so they kept their talk a secret…
Meanwhile, Eddie and Jolene were still in control of the head of the train, but not hearing noise made them think what was happening.

“This is extremely silent…” Jolene thought out loud, “and I don’t like it one bit. I’m gonna check our hostages out.” As she was heading to the door, the tall fox stopped her. “Get out of my way.”

“This is the moment they’re looking for! The moment you walk outside this cabin alone, they’ll ambush you! Just like in the films!” Eddie said, trying to make sense of it.

Jolene facepalmed and sighed frustrated. “It’s not a movie, you idiot! They won't do anything, they’re too scared to attack me.”

“You’ll be alone there, of course they can ambush you!”

Jolene growled. “Outta. My. Way.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you!” The fox snorted and let the path free, turning his attention to the driver once again.

The bunny, even upset at her partner, decided to check the hostages to see what was going on and why it was all that eerily silent. As she opened the door, she saw Nick and Judy with the other mammals, who started going onto their seats so they couldn’t be punished by her.

“So… Here we have a fake Nick and a fake Judy, how wonderful.“ Jolene said, smiling, with a hint of mocking in her voice.

“As far as I’m aware... I’m still the real Nick. And my partner is no other than the Carrots we all love. Maybe you should start wearing glasses, lady.” The fox looked unimpressed to the bunny in front of them.

Jolene snorted. “We’ve been in all the media by now, they all saw what we did. I just got tired of this city mistreating us preys, so it was time to take some revenge.” She pointed the gun again, first at Nick and Judy, and then at the passengers.

“She lacks any logic… I wouldn’t be the same as Bellwether…” Judy thought to herself, but decided to confront the criminal directly. “That’s not true at all, we’ve been treated better than you think. You don’t have the slightest idea, so stop pretending you are me.”

“Besides…” Nick quickly got into the conversation. “You have been discovered by a certain mammal we know. Take a look at oX and you’ll see what I mean.” He smirked, fully confident she wouldn't harm anyone.

“Tschk, good try, fox, but ain’t letting myself fall for that one.” Jolene replied as put her weapon on her shoulder. “You just want me to let my guard down.”

“It’s true!” Natasha said. “We all know here you’re the fake ones!”

A coyote got up. “You just wanted to incriminate these two. Drop the act already, no one believes you.”

The crowd started yelling to make the criminal feel the pressure and know she’ll have to reveal herself. She was holding on, still wanting to be fake Judy for more time… but it was no use, they were getting to her. Sadly for Jolene, Nick was right, now they knew, but she didn’t say the last word.

The bunny shot on the roof and everyone went silent. “Shut up, you idiots! Alright, it was fun but… it’s time to say who I am…” She put her left paw on her hip and put the weapon on her shoulder again. “I’m Jolene Hopps, sister of Judy Hopps.”

While Nick and the passengers were shocked, Judy’s face was more of a doubtful one. “Huh? Who’s… Jolene now? I don’t quite remember.”

The bunny facepawed hard. “You serious? From your litter? Older than you? Somewhat cheerful when you lived there?” Still Judy shook her head and Jolene sighed. “I stole one small carrot from your plate at dinner on April 15th when we were 4 years old…”

“Oh… Oh!” Now it came to her. ”The one that took my precious carrot that I wanted so much…” Judy felt a bit hurt from the past, for a moment forgetting the criminal was her own sister.

Nick looked at his partner with wide eyes, totally frozen. “How… could she remember something like that? What the…?” He knew a lot from her, but this was really something new and incredibly unreal.

Jolene just sighed from the fact she had to be that specific. “Whatever… We’re here to put an end to your career, Judy. After all, your stupid stunt made us feel worthless.”

Judy couldn’t shake her astonishment now that she regained her senses. “What are you talking about? I didn’t say anything like that!”

“Not what you said, but what you’ve done.” She looked straight to her sister. “You fulfilled your dreams while a lot of us had to live up to our parents’ expectations. They never supported us, they always thought everything outside carrot farming was dangerous so we gave up on our dreams…” She looked aside for a brief moment, just to glare at Judy afterwards. “But you had to do this, you had to be the favorite of mom and dad and fulfill your dreams… And now they support almost everything you do, when they didn’t care about us who actually listened to them… This is not fair.” She lifted the weapon again. “And because it’s not fair, I want to stop this stupid dream of yours, to make you feel how we feel.”

Judy tried to make sense of all of it, but couldn’t find why her own sister was this cruel. “Just… why? We’re family…”

“Same family you left because of your dream? Now you talk about family?” She chuckled mockingly. “You left us, you’re the favorite of our parents, you made them cheer you while we were left behind… but that will happen no more, and I’ll make sure of it.” She raised her gun to the passengers.

Judy just couldn’t believe her eyes nor ears, her own sister just tried to deceive her, even aiming at innocent victims… She couldn’t take this. “If you want to end my career… just shoot me instead, but leave them out of this.” In a crazy attempt, she tried to distract Jolene, just to save the others. Nick was just dumbfounded.

“Kill you?” Jolene said and laughed wickedly. “Nah, that’s too easy, I want you to experience the pain we suffered over getting our dreams crushed… and I know how to do that.” She was getting ready to shoot the zebra mom, who cowered in fear.

Nick had to act now, and he knew how. “So, let me get this straight: You blame Carrots because you did nothing but follow what your parents wanted instead of fighting for your dreams. If you ask me, that’s pretty sad, like come on.” He played his best card now.

Jolene got upset at that remark and aimed at the fox. “Shut up, you low life. Just because my sister helped you, you can be a cop, but surely you wouldn’t even be able to do more than just being a street fox.”

“Uhm…” Nick crossed his arms, like thinking. “You know, what you said could be hurtful… if it wasn’t because I earned more money than you ever could, and didn’t even have to hijack a train!” He smirked. “Who’s worse now?”

Her paw started to shake in anger. “You piece of…” She then pulled down the gun. “You think you’re so smart, huh? That you have everything under control… Well, breaking news: You’re all gonna die, because this train ain’t stopping, and I won’t make him stop it. Check mate, fox.”

As victorious as she sounded, Nick wasn’t scared at all, he still played the cool guy. “What a shame, I still have my bucket list! Guess I’ll kick the bucket instead.”

“No one else has to die, sister! Stop this, please… I’ll.. I’ll go back to the farm and work selling carrots for the rest of my life, anything you want, but please, let the innocents live!” she cried out desperately.

Jolene just enjoyed seeing her so broken down, she was smiling, totally out of her mind. Judy’s suffering was her joy. “That’s right, that’s the desperation we got, savour it.”

“Too bad for you, that’s not gonna happen.” Nick again talked to Jolene. “Whatever your plan was, it’s over, and I’ll tell you why: You’ll let your guard down, I’ll take the moment to tackle you down and we’re gonna arrest you and save the day. How’s that sound, lady?” He snapped his fingers and pointed to the criminal bunny.

She just laughed out loud. “Oh boy, that’s a good one!” Then she looked at the fox. “And how will you do that? You’re in no position to attack me, I can see your moves.”

“Oh, really? Guess you saw many foxes already! I’m happy for you… but still, I’m a seer and I know what’s gonna happen, so… Bad luck!” Nick commented, smiling widely, looking straight to the bunny.

Quickly, she tried to grab her gun to aim at the fox… but didn’t find it in her paws. “What the…?”

“Gotitgotitgotitgotit!” The raccoon said, running back to his seat. “You won’t hurt us now!”

“You damned stupid ring-tailed, motherfluffer… GIVE THAT BACK!” With all the insults, the giraffe mom abandoned her fear and covered her daughter’s ears. Before Jolene could start chasing the raccoon, she was tackled by an orange flurry, hitting the floor, “Let me go, you idiot!”

“No way, lady.” He tied his tie aroundher wrists and Judy helped after recovering from the shock. “Time to go for the other one!”

The bunny nodded and turned to the rhino. “Keep her down, please.” The big mammal nodded and kept the criminal on the floor. “Please, give us the weapon.” She said to the raccoon.

The procyon kept the gun into his paws, closely and holding it tightly. “Nuh-uh, I still don’t trust you!”

“We’re the real ones, that is dangerous, please-”

Nick interrupted. “As long as you don’t harm others, it’s fine.” Judy glared daggers at him. “Trust me on this, Carrots, better to earn his trust like this.” Even if she didn’t like the idea, the raccoon didn’t seem to want to let the weapon go, so she had no other option but to trust Nick.

“GET OFF ME, YOU PIECE OF…” Jolene screamed as she was being pushed down, strong enough to keep the hold, but not too much to suffocate her.

“That’s it!” The giraffe mom got up and walked over the criminal bunny. “You’re gonna shut up and listen to what I have to say about your language!” Now she got in her ‘scolding mom’ attitude and started teaching Jolene a lesson. Every time the bunny tried to speak up, she was interrupted by the giraffe. For sure this would be a lesson to remember for her…

Nick and Judy were getting ready to enter into the driver’s cabin when there was a sudden movement from using the brakes. A lot of mammals fell down, but harmless. Luckily enough, the rhino kept on his place, keeping the bunny down, and the giraffe mom and Natasha also managed to keep balance… but the fox and the bunny didn’t expect it so he fell chest-down and she fell on her butt.

“Dang it…” He tried his best to not anger Natasha’s mom with harsh words. “Are you okay, Carrots?” He rubbed his chest and got up slowly.

She mumbled. “Yeah, I’m fine… I wonder what happened.” As she got up, Nick tried to open the door, but was locked from inside.

“Alright, this requires my skills…” He cracked the knuckles and pulled out a claw, started rummaging on the lock and, after some work, he heard a ‘clack’. “Perfect, time to do our job.”

Judy nodded and put on her serious face, then pulled the knob down and opened suddenly. “ZPD, put your paws up!” She simulated a gun with her fingers, but there was no tall fox at all, only the driver, who was sitting on the floor, paw on his head.

“Really, Carrots? Finger guns? So scary…” Nick took the advantage of mocking her now. She responded with a hit with her elbow on his stomach, making him wince in pain and grunt. “A mature… response… Ouch…”

“Keep mocking and being sarcastic and you’ll learn another lesson.” Judy gave the stink eye to Nick as turned to the badger, she got close and kneeled. “Are you okay?”

“For the most part…” Then he opened his eyes wide. “Wait, sorry! Didn’t mean to stop! Don’t kill me!” He was frightened, purely in fear from seeing Judy.

Nick got closer, paws on his back. “Relax, buddy, we’re not going to hurtyou, we’ll take you to the hospital.” He kneeled down as well. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Oswyn, you should know that!” The badger looked at Nick up and down, and he realized something. “Wait… Aren’t you taller? Am I seeing wrong?” He rubbed his eyes.

The fox shook his head. “Nope, this is the real Nick, not your kidnapper. You’re safe now.”

They helped the badger on his feet until the ambulance came. Now the train had stopped completely and both cops tried to make sure everyone was safe. It’d look like it, except for someone: Jolene. Her face basically was a really tired one, and not because of lack of sleep, but from listening to the scolding over and over again, drilling into her brain. With her eyes, she was practically saying “help me”. Even if Judy wasn’t a bad mammal, she let out a chuckle, now that everything was over and she wasn’t a threat anymore. As for the raccoon, Nick could take the weapon of his paws after some talking and persuasion, of course, his street skills came up to help with it.

“Nick, where do you think he could have gone?” Judy asked, not sure where the tall fox went.

“Actually… good question.” They went back to the pilot cabin and looked where the opened window was. They saw no trace of the other criminal and there wasn’t any chance he was close, since even the helicopter arrived. “Absolutely nothing from him. It’s like he disappeared into thin air.”

The bunny sighed. “We can only know his looks by what my sister tells us. And I don’t know if she’ll be up to do that.”

“Unless there’s another officer who interrogates her… she won’t reveal anything to help you.” The fox shrugged as kept his eyes on Jolene.

Soon enough, after other cops came into the scene and took the criminal away, Vol appeared as well, searching for Nick and Judy. “Guys!” He waved as went over to them.

“Well, well, look who it is.” Nick smiled softly. “Was about time.”

“Hey! I helped clear your name!” The blue fox snorted, frustrated. “Not even some respect for your helper.”

Judy kind of loved their interactions and she chuckled. “Thank you, I appreciate the help you gave, you did so well!”

Vol smiled widely and looked at Nick mockingly. “See? Someone actually appreciates it.” As he turned around, his companion gave him a slap on the back of the blue fox’s head. “Ow!”

“That’s for saying that I have no fashion sense.” Nick smiled mockingly, passing close to Vol.

“I didn’t say you dress badly!” He rubbed the back of his head when he received another, but smaller this time, blow on the back of his head. “Double ow!”

“And that’s for saying that about my hips.” She kind of smiled as well, half-serious though, she didn’t really like bad comments about her body.

Vol kept on rubbing the back of his head. “Alright, alright! I’m sorry I said that! I’ll invite you to dinner… How’s that sound?”

Nick and Judy looked at each other, grinned and looked at the blue fox again. “Alright, that works for me!” The fox said.

Vol was kind of expecting that from his companions, but still couldn’t hide his frustration, since this time, the bill was on him and, oh boy, does he know that they can take advantage of a free meal and get the most expensive things to try. The blue fox would have to measure his words better from now on…

Days passed and the interrogation of Jolene was so repetitive, since she was answering the same thing: “His name’s Ned, search for him!” But the only Neds in the ZPD database weren’t foxes, let alone abnormally tall ones, and the description she gave about the appearance didn’t help either, so they were without any proof. Apart from that, the incident with the predators was still in everyone’s minds, and they didn’t forget some discrimination they faced. Looking for a tall fox out of many would make the flame of discord light up again. City Hall didn’t want that situation again, so, knowing the criminal fox wasn’t the mastermind of the plan and didn’t personally do any harm, they decided to not chase him.

“Nothing at all, even worse than with the NightHowler case. No leads and nothing to work on.” Judy reviewed sometimes, but the result was the same.

“And your sister is not really cooperating. You think you can persuade her?” He looked at her, half-smiling, seeing the reaction.

Judy raised her eyebrow. “Really? I told you she hates me! No way she’ll reveal more.” She crossed her arms and resumed thinking about the case, to find who helped Jolene.

As they were crossing the main hall of the ZPD, they stopped for a moment in the restaurant, and the TV was on. There they were announcing a new film based on the hijacking of the train, which made them stop on their tracks for a moment and keep looking at the TV. They couldn’t help but noticed that the filmmakers had found another uncommonly tall fox to play the vulpine hijacker, one who looked stunningly like how they remembered the real one in the livestreams on social media no less; according to the advertisement, this was an up-and-coming actor who went by Eddie Redmond.

That made Nick think for a moment. “You think your sister misremembered the names and maybe that fox is the one we’re looking for?”

Judy scoffed. “Nah, it’d be too much of a coincidence, and I don’t believe any hopeful actor would throw their career away by hijacking a train, so…”

“Trust my gut, it’s telling me we have to suspect him.” Now his stomach growled. “Well, not this part, it wanted to make me look bad.”

The bunny rolled her eyes. “Well, we’ll try to ask him some questions, if that clears your mind.”

The fox pulled out his phone, he knew some of the cast of the film and Judy, seeing his action, remained there, waiting as she kept looking at Nick calling a lot of numbers and asking for Eddie. One of the actors forwarded Eddie’s number and the tall fox answered.

“Hello, I’ve been called to answer some things for you, how can I help?”

“From fox to fox, tell me about the hijacking. You did a role there of a criminal, and supposedly it looks like you. Take in account I’m not wanting to discriminate, they are just normal questions.” He hoped his charm would have an effect.

Eddie chuckled. “Me? Nah, I’m just an actor playing his role. What do you think? I crushed it, eh?”

Nick rolled his eyes, but didn’t lose his smile. “Didn’t watch it, probably will do. Seems you’ve got nothing to do with it. Alright, toodles!”He closed the call, and as Judy was about to tell him ‘I told you so’, he looked at her. “He’s the one.”

“Wha- How? You just said…” Judy was dumbfounded.

“Typical criminal attitude, Mrs. Hopps. He said ‘I’m just an actor playing his role’ as an excuse, many do that with their job when they get questioned.” He puts on his sunglasses. “I told you.”

Judy couldn’t shake his daze away. “Then we have to arrest him, right?”

“Nope.” He emphasized the ‘p’ sound.

“But-”

Nick interrupted. “Even if he’s guilty, we have no proof he was there, he’s an actor, he can play his role of innocent mammal and we could end up in another mayhem in Zootopia. Better not, we have nothing on him to arrest that guy.”

“Then why did you put the sunglasses on?” She tilted her head.

Nick just smiled. “To look cool when I tell you ‘I told you so’.”

Judy sighed, frustrated, unable to give a come back to Nick neither able to do her job arresting the criminal, but in the end, he was right: They had nothing to arrest him for.

In the end, the film was a success and even got a sequel planned after getting a lot of money in the theatres, Eddie got a lot of fame due to his role and did many more films after that. Jolene was kept in jail for quite some time and the cops kept working together. While the arrest of her sister was an emotional rollercoaster to her, overall after seeing the disappointment in her parents’ eyes upon hearing what Jolene did from Judy’s mouth, she had to keep moving forward, alongside his fox companion. Nothing would stop them, not even a crazy bunny.

Chapter Text

"The defense would like to search the bag!" 

"For what?" Hopkins demanded. "How on earth does that prove anything?"

"Simple," Eric replied, paws on his hips with a smile. "We compare it to what was stolen. After all that work, I doubt that they'd leave all that loot behind."

"Which only makes sense if these really were impostors, and not the defendants who would just reclaim it later," Kyle summarized. "Is that what you're getting at?"

"It is!" Eric confirmed.

"Well, that's a hell of a claim to make about two mammals you know nothing about and who probably don't even exist, but sure. The prosecution will not object to the defense making a fool of itself. Detective! Let's get that comparison."

"Sir!" MacTalon saluted him, collecting the duffel bag and starting to rifle through its contents.

"Let's see... 11 phones, 13 expensive purses, one cheap purse made to look expensive... real diamond ring, fake diamond ring that's more valuable than the real diamond ring... Wait... Sir! There are a few things missing, sir!"

Kyle paused. "What's missing?"

"A laptop, a signed copy of Gazelle's new CD, and a ruby tiara worth about twenty grand!"

He adjusted his glasses, frowning deeply. "Are you kidding me? The defense might actually be onto something with this?"

"Er, so it seems!" MacTalon had to admit. "The duffel bag was firmly zipped up, so it's unlikely any of those items could have fallen from it during its aerial flight."

Eric grinned. "Which proves conclusively that our clients have been framed—aah!" He flinched back from another stray shot.

"Not so fast! It proves no such thing." The raccoon blew his fingertip before rehosltering it. "You might recall that the train was shaking violently during the entire robbery. We don't know when the bag was zipped. Is it not conceivable that the defendants fumbled some of the items while traveling between the cars? They could've fallen off then, crushed beneath the wheels or just lost out in the wilderness."

(Which I'm sure is a great comfort to the owner of that tiara.)

"Hey!" Delilah slammed her paws down, leaning across the desk. "We're not talking about Schrödinger's Evidence here! You can't just say what might have happened to it!"

"I... literally can," Kyle replied. "Unless you can prove what actually happened to it, I can claim whatever the heck I want, because you can't disprove me."

(Unfortunately, he's right. Without proof, this doesn't mean much.)

"How about we move on to something more... productive?" Kyle suggested. "Something that, if picked apart, could actually be useful.”

(Is he throwing us a bone? He must really be desperate to make this more interesting.)

"What are you suggesting, Prosecutor?" Hopkins asked testily.

"Simple. The main reason we suspect these two is because of the witnesses, so let's call one forward!"

Judy perked up. "Yeah! That should help actually! Like that white wolf we spoke to, Brian! He'd totally be able to tell the difference!"

"Don't forget the ticket guy, Chris," Nick reminded her. "He only brought Brian over because he recognized us."

Eric nodded. "Alright. If you think the testimony of the train employees might help, the defense accepts the prosecution's proposal!"

Kyle smirked in response, instantly telling him he'd made a mistake. "Very well. Let's bring my star witness to the stand!"

A young giraffe girl, who was still taller than either defendant, was led to the stand. She took her spot directly between the two of them, grinning in delight. She wore a colorful sweater, of a size large and very very tall.

“Witness, please state your name and current obsession,” Kyle requested.

“Hello!” the giraffe girl greeted with a cheery wave. “Natasha Longneck! And I love, love, LOVE Nick and Judy!”

"N-Natasha?!" Judy gasped, ears standing up straight in a clear sign of alarm.

“Ooooh, is this your wedding?! AM I THE GUEST OF HONOR?!”

Objection!

Nick glared at the prosecutor. "Do you have literally anyone else?"

"I have an entire train full," Kyle casually replied. "But this girl claims to be your biggest fan. Who better to verify your identities to the court?"

Eric blanched. "How about someone who has a better idea why she's even here?"

"All the witnesses say the same thing," Kyle countered. "If even this one, who is highly biased towards the defendants, proves that they’re guilty, I think that's wraps for you and naps for Joey, right?"

"Guilty!" Joey agreed.

"Alright then, let's hear what she has to say!" Eric insisted. "However reliable you think she is, we still need a formal testimony!"

"You guys are using a lot of big words," Natasha said, her attention still mostly focused on the fox and bunny trying to awkwardly scoot away. "But you just want me to talk about what I saw, right?"

"That's right," Hopkins confirmed. "Just tell us everything you can."

"Um, do we have to stay on the stand?" Nick asked.

"Yes," Kyle replied.

"Why?"

"Because it's funny."

"Can't argue with that." Hopkins nodded. "Witness, you may begin when ready."

Witness
Testimony

-- WILDEHOPPS 4EVER OMG!! --

"I can't believe I saw the real Nick and Judy!"

"They were holding paws and prancing down the aisle together!"

"Oooh! I bet it'll be just like that when they get married!"

"Anyway, a bunch of mammals gave them stuff! Mommy did too!"

"They were all screaming in excitement! I had to join in!"

"And then... and then! THEY KISSED! EEEEEEEEE!"

Kyle's head was on the bench, laughing helplessly as his fist pounded the wood. This one was so bad that even Judge Hopkins was snickering.

Natasha looked around in confusion. "Did I say something funny?"

Eric shook his head. "Don't mind them. I think your testimony contains something very important." (Even if I'll have to dig for it.)

Kyle, thankfully, had to contain his snark to avoid being mean to a child. Even he wasn't that much of a dick. "Well, I'm sure you won't mind showing us, then?"

Eric nodded. "It'd be my pleasure."

Nick and Judy shared a concerned look.

So did Delilah. "Oh god, you're still pressing everything, aren't you?"

His face set into grim determination. "Desperate times call for desperate measures, I'm afraid. Our clients will thank us for it later."

"I'm not so sure about that..."

Cross
Examination

-- WILDEHOPPS 4EVER OMG!! --

"I can't believe I saw the real Nick and Judy!"

Hold it!

"Well, that's what we're trying to determine, actually," Eric explained. "Are you entirely certain it was them?"

"Of course!" Natasha almost looked offended. "I'm their biggest fan! I've always wanted to meet my heroes in person!" she said, oblivious to her heroes trying to distance themselves as much as possible.

"Then isn't it possible you could've been fooled if they just looked like Nick and Judy?"

Objection!

"I think the witness's idolization of the defendants has been made clear," Kyle said. "Unless you're accusing her of being a... fake fan?"

Natasha gasped.

"No, no!" Eric said quickly. "I didn't mean it like that! Um, let's just move on!" (That is one landmine I don’t want to step on.)

"They were holding paws and prancing down the aisle together!"

Hold it!

"Don't you find that odd?" Eric suggested. "As a fan, surely you know what their normal behavior is like. Didn't you find that level of affection out of character?"

"I just thought it was their way of going public!" Natasha replied. "I knew they were secretly together! My mommy bought all the merch of them together for me!"

"Merch?!" Judy exclaimed.

"Those bootleg merch sites will sell anything these days..." Nick muttered.

Natasha squinted at Eric suspiciously. "You don't ship them with someone else, do you?"

"Erm... I can't say I've ever thought about it," Eric admitted. "Let's just... move on."

"Rick, you can't just keep backing down like that!" Delilah scolded.

"I can't help it! Fangirls are a dangerous breed!"

"I don't know," Kyle said. "I'm getting some enjoyment from this."

"You stay out of it!"

"Oooh! I bet it'll be just like that when they get married!"

Hold it!

That time was Judy. "We are not getting married!"

Nick smirked. "Ouch. Two minutes in the penalty box for roughhousing, Carrots."

She whirled on him. "If you don't take this seriously, we'll both end up in the penalty box!"

"Wouldn't be my first time. Probably."

"Ugh, I can't believe you right now!"

"Whaaat? It wouldn't be all bad, would it? Living together, sharing our schedules, embracing change."

"...Are you talking about prison or marriage?"

"I dunno. What are you talking about?"

"AAAAH! Can you just focus on getting us out of this mess?!"

"Sure, Carrots. I'll even take you to a nice restaurant after we're off the hook."

"How nice?"

"To be honest, I'm thinkin' Arby's."

"Awwwww!" Natasha gushed. "I'm getting to see a real WildeHopps lovers' spat right in front of me!"

"Let's move on, shall we?" Hopkins suggested.

(I didn't even get to say anything...)

"Anyway, a bunch of mammals gave them stuff! Mommy did too!"

Hold it!

"What exactly did your mum give?"

"Her pretty tiara!" Natasha replied excitedly. “I think Mommy liked to be a grown-up princess! She was really sad to give it away.”

(...She’ll be sadder to learn it’s one of the items unaccounted for.) "I see. I presume you might recognize it if you saw it?"

"I dunno. Maybe if it was on Ms. Judy’s head! She’s prettier than Mommy anyway!”

(Ouch. Someone’s getting grounded.)

Judy pulled her ears down over her eyes with a groan.

"This is beautiful," Kyle said, leaning over his bench with a grin. "What you two have."

"Stop!" Judy yelled.

(Maybe the fake Judy is wearing it now? However much that helps us...) "Just... move on. Sure."

"They were all screaming in excitement! I had to join in!"

Hold it!

"...Excitement, was it?"

"Oh yes! There were some going 'Please stop!', because they couldn't take the cuteness! And also 'Why are you doing this?', which I wanted to know too! There had to be some reason they wanted to go public with their romance!"

"This girl's really good at fitting everything into her own little world," Delilah remarked. "I'm almost impressed."

"Oh! Let me try some," Kyle cut in. "Did anyone yell 'Don't kill me'?"

"Uh-huh!" Natasha nodded. "His heart must've been about to explode from joy!"

"How about 'I have a family'?"

"An old lady who wanted to set their kids up for playdates!"

"'I thought you were the good guys'?"

"Because now they're the great guys!"

"Wow. That is impressive."

"Thanks!"

(I'm glad you two are enjoying this so much.)

"And then... and then! THEH KISSED! EEEEEEEEE!"

Hold it!

Hold it!

"Yeah, no, we're not going into that," Nick said, cutting Eric off.

Eric cleared his throat. "Apologies, Your Honor, but I need a moment with my clients."

“Take your time,” she agreed immediately. Apparently, she was just as amused by the whole ordeal as Kyle was.

He turned to whisper to Nick and Judy as they briefly came over to his bench. "Look, nothing else has come out of this testimony, and this might be our last chance to actually get anything valuable. I've got an odd feeling, and I need you to trust me!"

"But do we need the details though?" Judy asked. "On this? Surely, they can't be that important!"

"Do you want us to be able to understand what's going on?" Eric asked.

Judy looked away. "Well, yeah..."

"Then yes. They're important."

She sighed. "Alright, fine. But if this doesn't go anywhere, I might have to rabbit punch you."

"I wouldn't underestimate her," Nick warned. "She's a terror in the boxing ring."

(So was I, but this isn't the time to flex, as the kits would say.) "Very well. I accept your terms."

The defendants returned to the witness stand, and begrudgingly gave Natasha the floor. "So..." Nick said, forcing a smile. "What was... the kiss... like?"

Kyle was already falling over himself laughing again.

Natasha's eyes widened. "It was incredible! After you took Mommy's tiara, you placed it all romantically on Judy's head! Then you spun her around and planted a big wet one right on her lips!"

Judy's eye twitched. "Anything... else?"

"It went on for a whole minute! It got all slobbery and messy too! I even got some on my sweater! Now I'm never washing it again!"

(I think your mum might have some words about that.)

"So..." Kyle said, leaning back against the wall with his patented shit-eating grin. "As we heard, the kiss was 'incredible'. Did you have an equally incredible revelation after hearing about it? Or shall I put your case down for good?" He almost lazily pointed his finger gun at him again, aiming right between the eyes.

"I'm pretty curious about that myself," Hopkins said, already raising her gavel preemptively.

"Guilty!" Joey cheered.

"Incredible? Yes, I suppose you could call it that." Eric suddenly stood up straight. "There was one moment in there that I think we need to analyze further." He pointed back across the courtroom. "And that one moment will clear up everything!"

What do you think, readers? Is the defense full of it? Or was there actually something meaningful in all that romantic drivel? It's make or break time!

To present the tiara, turn to Chapter 63!

To present the spin, turn to Chapter 64!

To present the slobber, turn to Chapter 65!

Chapter Text

“Mr. VanDal, there’s just one thing I’d like to confirm,” Eric began. “According to your witnesses, were the perpetrators wearing gloves during the robbery?”

Kyle quirked his head, as if unsure he’d heard him right. “They were not, reportedly. What are you getting at?”

“It’s simple.” A confident smirk spread across his lips as he pointed valiantly at his opponent. “The defense requests that the contents of the bag be examined for fingerprints! There should be one particular set touching every piece of their ill-gotten gains. And if those fingerprints don’t match the fingerprints of Officers Hopps and Wilde, that would be proof positive they’re not the perpetrators!” 

No triumphant music played to match this revelation. In fact, no sound resulted from this at all. The entire courtroom had gone dead silent.

“.........” Kyle leaned back against the wall.

“.........” Nick and Judy looked at each other in confusion.

“.........” Even Delilah was raising an eyebrow.

“...Defense.” Judge Hopkins was the one to finally break the silence. “I believe I speak on behalf of everyone when I ask this, but… what the hell are ‘fingerprints’?”

Eric was suddenly just as confused. “Huh?”

“That thing you kept saying, that you seemed really confident about. What are those?” Hopkins pressed.

“Are you okay, Rick?” Delilah asked. “Are you thinking of pawprints? Because they’d just be a fox and a bunny regardless, right? That wouldn’t help.”

“Um… Y-Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Eric said, furrowing his brow. (Why did I say that? It made so much sense at the time.)

“Defense,” Hopkins said again, apparently not about to let this one go. “Did you just reference something that doesn’t exist and try to use it as evidence? I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was speaking to a CatGPT lawyer.”

Gasps sounded from all around him, looking at the badger with suspicion.

“I-I can assure you, I’m quite human, Your Honor!”

“You’re quite what?!”

“Wait! No!” He began to hyperventilate, cupping his head in his hands—no, no, in his paws, his PAWS! What the bloody hell was a hand?!

(What’s going on? Why do I keep saying these things?! I know who I am! My name is Eric Badge. I’m a defense attorney. And I will keep a stiff. Upper! LIP!)

“...Rick?”

“Yes, Delilah?” He turned to the comforting face of his friend and partner.

Only to reel back in shock at the gaping black-eyed opossum looking back at him, suddenly in far more detail than he had ever seen. A level of detail his mind was unable to comprehend.

He screamed. 

Eric Badge had seen beyond the veil. 

And the veil had claimed him.



Wow, Nick and Judy might’ve actually gotten off easy on that one! And I bet you thought that answer made sense! Now nothing makes sense. But you can change even THIS fate. 

To make a great revival, turn back to Chapter 41! 

To choose death, turn to Chapter 29!

Chapter Text

“The defense would like to analyze the bag!” Eric proclaimed. "Particularly its olfactory readouts!"

"You... wanna sniff it up?" Delilah asked.

"Well yes, but that doesn't sound as impressive."

"It isn't original either," Kyle said. "Do you really think the police neglected to do something so rudimentary? Several of their sniffer dogs were put on the bag, to no avail. The scents were far too saturated inside that stuffy train to pick out the perpetrators."

Eric smiled. "Ah, but those aren't the only scents we're able to analyze. The defense would like to bring in a specialist!"

Hopkins shrugged. "Sure, I'm curious enough to see where this is going."

A small polecat scurried up to the stand, wearing a green sweater with the image of a strange bear on it. "Millie Muskerson reporting for duty! I hear you've got a thing for me to sniff?"

Kyle hooked the duffel bag on his cane and held it out to her. "Here. Knock yourself out."

"Unless that's a gym bag, I don't think that's likely," Delilah remarked.

Millie quickly put her nose to the task, sniffing all around and inside the bag. The rest of the court waited in suspense.

"Well, Millie?" Eric asked confidently. "What can your super sniffer tell us?"

Finally, her head reemerged. "Hmmmm... definitely picking up a lot of fear. Sorrow too."

"I think we could've guessed that," Kyle said, rolling his eyes. "What can you smell aside from emotions?"

"Uh..." Her head poked back in and sniffed around a bit more. "Not sure. The scents are too saturated to pick out the perpetrators."

(...Oh.)

Millie's head shot up. "Oh, wow! I'm suddenly smelling a lot of anger!"

Hopkins was glaring daggers at the defense. "I'll give you one thing. Your assistant's nose is certainly accurate."

GUILTY

(Okay, but are we truly considering the bag's feelings?)

A sniff and a miss! The real question is, how are YOU feeling about this turn of events?

If you want to shout that you're fine, turn back to Chapter 41!

If you want to take a leave of absence, turn to Chapter 29!

Chapter Text

God, it’s a good thing you chose fight, because that’s what the imposters chose. True, this didn’t help Nick and Judy materialize defense weapons out of thin air, but it did keep them on their toes when the bandits reached for their own weapons -- quite literally with regards to the toes part.

The split second that their brains registered that they were getting guns drawn on them, the cops each responded differently. Nick played it safe, leaping forward and somersaulting to cover at the end of the snack bar counter. A conservative move to be sure, but a good thing he did, because it inspired Fake Nick to impulsively rush forward towards him. Bedeviled by her partner’s rash decision, this left Fake Judy without a clear shot of Real Judy. And this opened the window for the bunny cop to do what bunnies do best and leap out of the way of danger. As she did, Real Judy’s long lapine ears brushed something sticking out of the wall that her periphery hadn’t yet clocked. This is where she got her next idea from, and not a moment too late.

“GET OUT OF MY WAY!” Fake Judy barked at Fake Nick.

“Huh?” asked Fake Nick, looking back at his partner for a clue as to what he was doing wrong. This was all the time Real Judy needed.

With his high center of gravity, the fraudulent fox fell floppily when a forceful flurry of foam flew into the back of his turned head. He dropped his gun in the process, and by the time the bunny bandit could register what just happened, she likewise was knocked to the ground by a spray of fire extinguisher foam. She too dropped her pistol, which thankfully landed as harmlessly as her partner’s had.

As Eddie staggered to his feet and Jolene rubbed the foam out of her eyes, Nick ran out from his cover to confiscate the guns before the bandits could retrieve them. Alas, Jolene’s gun hadn’t fallen far from her, and by the time Nick got close enough to reach it, the bunny’s prey instincts could sense there was a predator closing in on her. It was her turn to use her lucky rabbit’s foot.

THUMP.

“GAH!” the poor fox yelped as he took a blow to the eye, falling backwards before he could reach the pistols.

Judy scowled. Holding up a trainful of mammals with a deadly weapon was one thing, but nobody messed with her dumb fox, not even her own sister.

She sprinted forward to tackle her imposter, and just before it seemed like Jolene could notice, Judy ran up the base of the snack counter, attacking at an angle that Jolene would surely find difficult to defend against. Her running on the wall ever so briefly looked like something out of the Japanese action cartoons that their siblings Adrian, Alec, Amber, Arthur, Bailey, Bradley, Brandon, Brendan, Carter, Casey With a C, Cooper, Denny, Derrick, Dylan, Elton, Esther, Girl Frances, Boy Francis, Georgie, Grant, Griffin, Hayden, Haylee, Hugh, Irene, Irwin, Jace, Jill, Jordan, Justus, Kasey with a K, Kerry, Kurtis, Lee, Lola, Madge, Mae, Mason, Mick, Milo, Nelson, Nina, Ollie, Oona, Orson, Parker, Polly, Preston, Quentin, Quinn, Quinton, Randy, Rhett, Ross, Ryanne, Samson, Scott, Shelby, Skyler, Sunshine, Taylor, Theo, Tilly, Titus, Tyler, Ulf, Ulysses, Valerie, Van, Vick, Wade, Wayne, Big Wille, Little Willie, Medium Willie, Winona, Wyatt, Xander, Xanthippe, Yancey, Yvette, Yvonne, Zane, Zelda, and Zooey used to love so much when they were growing up. And because this looked so familiar, and set off such a bell in the back of her head, Jolene recognized it -- and responded in kind.

THUNK.

“ARGH!” Judy yelped in pain as her sister head-butted her squarely in the nose. Jolene was also aching as she fell to the ground, but didn’t verbalize it nearly as much. Both enemies neutralized, the rabbit bandit staggered to her feet once more and reached for the pistols, just to see her partner snatch them before she could grab them.

Jolene gasped with elation for her accomplice’s quick thinking. Then that air slid right back out of her gaping mouth when the towering tod slid the guns across the snack bar counter to the huddled employees.

“...What the fresh heck was THAT!?”

Eddie scoffed. “Such an unbalanced conflict? There’d be no tension in such a scene, that’d be no fun.”

“NED, YOU STUPID DRAMA QUEEN, WE DON’T WANT A FAIR FIGHT, WE WANT TO--! AAARGH!”

Judy would rarely subject another bunny to such pain, but seeing her sister’s ears pinned back in anger, she saw an opportunity and took it, giving them a good yank. Unfortunately, she couldn’t get Jolene to topple backwards, and the evil sister had enough composure to swing her body around and give Judy a swift roundhouse kick to the side of the head. Again, rabbit legs, don’t mess with ‘em. The bunny cop wasn’t knocked unconscious or anything, but she was most assuredly knocked down.

The tumble knocked loose Judy’s grip on her sister, but it was enough to make Jolene lose her own balance for a second. She was, however, able to balance herself and get her body straight, head raising all the way. And then, with another sharp jolt of pain, her head kept rising until her feet were off the ground.

“ZPD!” the fox cop barked as he held her up by the ears, glaring at her with a shiner brewing in one eye. “You have the right to remain si--!!”

“HEY!” Ned bellowed as he grabbed Jolene’s feet, the lanky fox yanking the bunny away from his opponent. “Let go of my accomplice-slash-love-interest!!”

“WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!?” Nick hollered.

“DO YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW!?” Jolene challenged, palpable agony in her voice as she was being pulled apart.

Judy sat up. Oh no. There were two things she didn’t want to happen. She didn’t want Nick finding out her relation to the suspect, number one. But also, she would rather not have to explain to their parents that Judy had stood by while a pair of foxes ripped her sister in two like a plushie.

“WAIT!”

The tods stopped their tug-of-war and regarded Judy. And Jolene just looked confused.

“L-let’s make this fair! You fox boys fight each other, leave us bunny girls at it!”

Said fox boys didn’t waste time with words; they each let go of the lapine bandit, letting her fall face-first into the floor like a cartoon character.

“Oh-- oh no, I’m running away!” Judy lamented as she did exactly that, her fear clearly inauthentic but heard nevertheless. “I’m running away from you, Fake Me!”

Jolene hopped to her feet -- pun retroactively intended -- and chased off after her sister down the hallway, out of the café nook and towards the lavatories. This left Nick and Eddie rather dumbfounded.

“What just happened?” asked Nick.

“Beats me. But! This gives the perfect opportunity to display just how much a Stage Combat class…” -- and he paused to dramatically cartwheel over the café counter, making all the employees scream as he landed amongst them, just to pop back up with a pair of utensils, sliding one down the counter to Nick before jumping up onto the counter himself -- “...can teach you about real combat! En garde!!”

Nick blinked at the object he’d just been gifted. “What… what is this, a bread knife?”

“Ah, but scoff not at it, plebeian! It is not the shape of the sword that makes it dangerous, but the skill of the swordsman!” And to demonstrate his point, the thespian tod slashed the fox cop across the arm with the humpy-shaped blade.

“OW!” Nick spat. “That… stung slightly!”

“Still just a bread knife?” Eddie asked with a bounce of the eyebrow.

Aight, bet. Nick grabbed the knife and got into a defensive position. “Get down from there, you coward, you already have a reach advantage!”

Like a lovable rogue, the perp leapt off the counter and onto the floor, still having roughly a foot or more of a stature over his opponent. “You’re right, it’ll be more fun this way!”

And they started swashbuckling. They were both very evenly matched. So evenly matched, in fact, that it seems kind of pointless to break down the duel. Like, for real, they just clacked their knives together over and over inconclusively. The staff huddled behind the counter didn’t dare say a word, but the boredom was actually helping them calm their nerves.

“So…” Clink! “Uh…” Clink! “You’re name’s Ned?” Nick asked. Clink.

“That’s my nom de guerre!” Clink! “But if you wanna know my nom de jure…” Clink! “...you must defeat me!” Clink.

Uhhh let’s let these boys be and go check in on the girls. Over by the lavatories, Judy stood before one with her arm propping it open a smidge. Her trap worked perfectly; Jolene tackled her into the bathroom, the door closing behind them. Judy pushed her sister off of her and got up to lock the door to give them some privacy. It was time for answers.

“Jolene, what is going on with you!? Why are you doing this!?”

Unfortunately, her sister was not a caricature cartoon villain who would stop what she was doing to exposit about her plans and her motivation for them in excruciating detail. Jolene responded, but not with words.

THUMP.

Judy grunted from the active force of her sister’s punch to the eye and the passive force of her head snapping back and hitting the door behind her. Okay, bad start, but Judy couldn’t just skip straight to fisticuffs. For one, that wasn’t how a good Zootopia Police Officer did it, and moreover, gosh darnit, that was her sister in that unrecognizable body before her.

“It’s me, your sister--!”

THUMP.

Aaand now Judy had two black eyes. At least they matched, and they matched the one Nick got, too. Gosh, she could already hear that fox quipping that they looked like raccoons wearing masks. But no, no thinking about that stupid sexy fox, think about the present. One more time, and more to the point:

“Whatever this is, I can help you get out of it with lowered charges--! GWAHHHahhhh…!”

And as Judy fell to her knees, this author learned that women also don’t enjoy the feeling of being kicked at full force square between the legs.

“STOP RUINING MY LIFE BY BEING IN IT!” Jolene screamed at the top of her lungs as her sister collapsed. As far as the bandit bunny was concerned, that was all the information the cop needed or deserved. She grabbed Judy under the armpits and dragged her over to the toilet and shoved her sister’s head in the bowl, pinning her elbow into the back of Judy’s neck to make sure she couldn’t get her face out of the water.

With the splash of moisture and the sudden inability to breathe, Judy was forced to accept this reality. Jolene, her sister, her littermate, was actually trying to kill her. Jolene was literally and unambiguously trying to make her stop breathing and become dead. Any love Jolene had for her was either absent or deceased itself. It would stand to reason then that Judy ought not waste her time trying to play nice and giving her sister the family discount when it comes to punitive police procedures. Alright, Jolene, you wanna play ball, we can play ball.

Still struggling for air and unable to even see her target, Officer Hopps put all her confidence into her own competence and simply hoped her aim was true. And by golly, that bunny was talented.

The pressure on her neck went away as soon as she felt the ball of her foot make contact with Jolene’s throat. Judy stood from the toilet and turned to see her sister writhing in pain, paws grasping her neck and begging for air that wouldn’t come. Mercilessly, Judy grabbed her sister by the ears once again, exacerbating her pain as she dragged Jolene to the same toilet she just tried to drown her in. Judy, however, was more inclined to raise the seat and rest Jolene’s head on the rim of the bowl. She would wait until her suspect could breathe again to start the interrogation.

“...Why are you doing this?” the rabbit cop asked flatly as soon as it seemed like Jolene’s respiratory system was working again.

The bandit bunny coughed. “If you’re gonna try to kill me, just get it over with already,” she seethed, “otherwise you’re just wasting my time.”

“I’m not gonna kill you, Jolene, I’m not you,” Judy spat. “Now explain yourself.”

“What’s there to explain!?” her sister wheezed.

“Why are you doing this!?”

“Why does anybody do anything!?”

“Not just anybody hijacks a train! While impersonating their sister, no less!”

And to drive her point home, she initiated her process by slamming the toilet seat down on the terrorist’s head.

“AAARGH!”

“Don’t want that to happen again? Talk.”

Judging by her eyes, if Jolene was afraid, it still paled in quantity to her anger, the only thing Judy could see in them. “...Why don’t you explain to me why you get to be Mom and Dad and everybody else’s favorite when you’re the one who disobeyed them!?”

The officer had to admit, she hadn’t been expecting an answer like that. Involuntarily raised eyebrows betrayed her surprise as she otherwise maintained her poker face. “Elaborate.”

After some heavy breathing, Jolene found the words she wanted. “So you’re the most successful one in the family when you’re too stupid to even understand what I mean--!?

Judy slammed the seat down again.

“AAARGH, aaah-argh…!”

“So you’re jealous? Am I drawing the right conclusions, or am I too stupid?”

“WHY SHOULDN’T I BE!?” Jolene roared so forcefully that she had to pause to have another coughing fit. “I had dreams too, Judith! I could have been a singer, I could have been a pilot, I could have been a professional cornhole player… but I didn’t even try to pursue them because Mom and Dad said not to, and out of hundreds of kits, I wanted to be one of their favorites! Then you go and break the rules and succeed, and now you’re the only one they ever talk about! SO WHAT DID I GIVE UP ON MY DREAMS FOR, JUDITH!? -- ACK, ACK, ACK!”

Judy… didn’t have a snappy comeback. She’d never thought about that. And now that she was confronted with it… yeah, that all made a scary amount of sense. She didn’t agree with Jolene’s extreme reaction to it, but Judy could absolutely understand how such bitterness might arise. “So… you feel like I robbed you of what you were owed.”

“Oh, there’s hundreds of us back home, Judith, you think I’m the only one in our family who feels jaded about how famous and successful you are!? I’m not even the only one in our litter who has a bone to pick with you…” Jolene paused to breathe heavily.  “…I’m just the only one who cared to do something about it.”

Mathematically, that checked out -- and apparently, with all those hundreds of siblings, Judy shouldn’t have been surprised either that at least one of them would turn out to be twisted enough to commit terrorism out of spite. Furious as she was at her sister, Judy couldn’t help but also feel so fudging stupid and naive. In her memory, every single Hopps bunny had been cheering for her as her train exited the station on the day she left her hometown. Perhaps she really had been so focused on her own excitement to notice that there were more than a few dissenting faces in that crowd.

“Explain exactly what this is meant to accomplish, then,” Judy demanded.

“Mom and Dad will stop putting you on a pedestal above the rest of us!!” Jolene answered without even having to think about it. “How are me or any of the other five-hundred-and-whatever of us supposed to feel when it’s accepted as fact in our extended family that you’re just objectively a level above us!? Are we supposed to just take it on the chin that you’re better than us!?”

And whether or not it was Judy’s fault, per se, the fact of the matter was that you could draw a very direct line between her chasing her dreams and her sister now endangering dozens of mammals just to give her a symbolic middle finger. There was a very real possibility that many, many innocent lives would be ruined or lost all because Judy Hopps did not follow Stu and Bonnie’s wishes to simply settle. This epiphany wasn’t enough to get the bunny cop to immediately and irrevocably wish she’d never tried, though the thought did cross her mind. It did, however, strengthen her resolve that this conflict was her responsibility and hers alone to resolve.

“...W-well…” Judy struggled as the guilt ate at her vocal cords, “...I’m… sorry to hear that you all felt that way. I really am, I couldn't imagine. But… at the end of the day, we’re adults now, Jolene. Nobody twisted your arm to care about what Mom and Dad thought and made you do what they told you to do.”

“Oh, oh, you’re right, Judith,” her sister mocked her, “I’m sorry I wanted to feel loved by my parents as an adult, that was so immature of me, you’re right, you’re right. Forgive me for my sins.”

Without realizing it, Judy let go of her sister’s neck. The family discount on excessive police force was back on. She was not forgiving Jolene for the extremes she;d taken, but there was a piece of the bunny cop deep down that couldn’t separate these evil deeds from her own actions. Maybe Judy should have been more present in her siblings’ lives as adults so that they knew she didn’t think she was better than them. Maybe inspiring hatred in the jealous was merely the non-negotiable price of success. Or maybe something like this was always going to happen and Jolene would have found something else to act out violently against. But what’s done was done and now she had to clean up this mess, legally and emotionally -- if it was possible to do both, which she still wasn’t sure of.

“So… you really think that doing this is going to make Mom and Dad love the rest of you more?”

“No, it’ll make them love you less!” Jolene spat. “How else do you think they’d feel when they see you hijacked a train and eloped with a gigantic fox!?”

…Judy didn’t feel quite as conflicted all of a sudden. Honestly, between the mental anguish of all these people’s safety and the fact that her sister was behind all of this… Judy had genuinely forgotten for a few minutes there that, duh, this was fundamentally a frame job. Jolene didn’t just want their extended family to stop exalting her, she actively wanted them all to be deeply and publicly ashamed of her blackened image. Well… that recontextualizes everything.

“And will that make you happy?” Judy challenged.

“Me and a lot of other bunnies,” Jolene said as confidently as if you’d just asked her the sum of two plus two. “Why do you think we encouraged all the passengers to livestream it!? So there’d be plenty of evidence for everyone back home to see.”

Judy had a bizarre idea, but dismissed it just as quickly. “You really think they’d see you and think it was me? Say what you will about Mom and Dad, but they never did have trouble telling all their kits apart.”

“When you were still around, they were,” Jolene seethed, “but you wanna know what their last words to me were before I left to do this? ‘Be safe in the city… Jordan.’”

The rabbit cop blinked. No, that had to be poppycock. Horsefeathers! How could Stu and Bonnie mistake Jolene for Jordan? Jordan had a prosthetic leg from the tractor incident! Or had their parents, between their advancing age and their favoritism of one child, really started getting their progeny mixed up?

There was one way to find out. Maybe that stupid idea wasn’t so stupid after all. She wondered what the cell reception was like out here.

To go through with the unorthodox idea, turn to--! Actually, no, I’m not giving you a choice lol.

Judy dug in her pocket. “Well, then… let’s remind them who’s who.”

Her sister winced. “Wh-what the heck are you doing?”

“Welllll, since you’re gonna see me as a goody-two-shoes no matter what, and your only way to get back to me is to commit an act of terrorism…”

And with the swift thumb of a seasoned millennial, Officer Hopps clicked her phone on, unlocked it, and started a call on MuzzleTime.

“...I’M TELLING MOM!”

“WHAT!?”

Judy need not explain; the jingle of the call being placed and awaiting its answer was all the proof her sister needed to know that she wasn’t fooling around. And once again, both bunnies put their lapine legs to good use -- Judy took off running, and Jolene took off chasing.

Back by the café, the hostage train staff were playing tiddlywinks with ketchup packets and a cardboard tray behind the counter, utterly disinterested in Nick and N’Eddie’s anticlimactic sparring.

“So…” Nick asked between clinks, “...seen any good movies lately?”

The vertically-gifted vulpine huffed. “Hmph!” Clink. “I’m boycotting the film industry--” Clink. “--until they stop typecasting me--” Clink. “--as a freak!” Clink. “I’m too tall to play a vulpine everyman--” Clink. “--and yet too short to play a leading man--” Clink. “--in a story not specifically about foxes!” Clink. “You think I’d be doing this if my career was promising!?” Clink.

“Well, hey, man--” Clink. “--why didn’t you just, like…” Clink. “...become a basketball player or something?” Clink.

“Oh, like anybody watches small-mammal-league basketball!?” Clink. “Call me a narcissist if you will, but I got into acting to feel seen.” Clink.

“I’d say you’re pretty easy to see as it is…” remarked Nick, who had to crane his neck up to look at Eddie despite Nick himself being on the tall side for a red fox. No, for real, you ever notice that Nick is taller than Gideon? I swear to God, compare them both to when they’re standing next to Judy, Nick is a lot taller than her than Gideon is. That’s probably why everyone could see Eddie in the livestreams and buy that it was actually Nick--

“MAKE WAY!”

The tods stopped their duel when they heard Judy hollering. Seeing her sprint down the corridor, they each squeezed against the wall to make way for her -- just to have to do it again as Jolene raced by. Judy frantically opened the door to the next car and slammed it shut behind her, barely deterring her sister from her pursuit. As soon as they came by, they were gone.

“...So are you two actually an item, or are you just telling the world that to embarrass us?” Nick asked his adversary.

“We’re still trying to figure that out amongst ourselves, actually.”

“Pfft,” the less-tall fox went with an eyeroll, “I know that feeling.”

--IllI--

“Judy?” Bonnie asked as she could be seen fumbling the phone on her end. “Judy, why are we being told that you’re sticking up a train with your fox friend!?”

“So about that, Mom--!” Judy huffed as she ran; fit as she was, she was nevertheless pushing the limits of how fast she could hoof it. “That’s actually--!”

“Stu? STU!” Bonnie shouted past her microphone. “It’s Judy! I have her on the phone!”

“JUDY!?” Stu’s face appeared alongside his wife’s before their daughter could get another word in. “Judy, what on earth has gotten into you--!?”

“Mom, Dad, that’s not me, THAT’S JOLENE!” And to prove it, Judy pointed her phone so that Jolene would be clearly visible behind her. Her sister had been fast approaching, but when Jolene realized that their parents could see them, she panicked and covered her face -- and subsequently tripped on the leg of a passenger which she couldn’t see.

“Oh my gosh, that is Jolene!” gasped their mom.

“Wait, that’s Jolene? I would have thought that was Joelle…” said their dad.

“Yeah, I just wanted to let you know that that wasn’t me on social media and-- GET THE DOOR FOR ME!”

“Wait, what!?”

“Not you, Mom…”

The passengers understood the assignment and grabbed the next door for Judy so she wouldn’t have to stop and fiddle with it as Jolene was back up and figuratively hot on her literal tail. And she needed it, because she still had to stand in the perilous gap and open the next car’s door. As for the passengers, they kept the door open for Jolene too; forgive them, as they didn’t realize she was no longer armed.

“Oh my gosh, I feel so nauseous…” Bonnie groaned.

“So they were right when they told us our daughter was hijacking a train but wrong about which one!?” asked Stu. “That’s not much easier to hear!”

“I know, Dad, but I’m just letting you know that Jolene tried to frame me so you’d stop loving me-- DOOR!”

Once again, the passengers opened the door for Judy out of a sense of duty, and kept it open for Jolene out of fear. And as the bunnies ran off further down the train, the onlookers had to wonder where exactly they were going.

“Oh, we could never stop loving our children even if they… uh… held up a train…” Bonnie murmured.

“Oh, yes we could,” Stu argued. “I certainly could; you could too, Bon. Jolene? Jolene, do you hear that!? We’re very disappointed and angry at you!”

“Here that, Sis!?” Judy mocked as she approached the end of the last public coach.

“I’LL KILL YOU!” was all Jolene replied. “I’LL PULL YOUR EARS APART AND SCALP YOU!” Jeez, chill, Jolene, this fic is rated T for Teen.

Now came the tricky part. “Wanna get an up-close look so you know it’s her?” Judy asked their parents.

“What do you mean!?” begged Bonnie.

Through the final doors and into the perilous gap, Judy was back at that infernal Gaboose. She reached for the door handle, knowing it would be hard to open thanks to the gum in the bolt. But she didn’t turn it just yet.

“Say hi to Mom and Dad, Jo!” Judy beamed as she stood before the entrance.

Jolene rushed out of the final car looking like she’d just been pelted by a Nighthowler. Paws out in front of her, she dove across the gap to tackle Judy, strangle her, throw her limp body onto the tracks below to be run over by the Gaboose, splattering her all over the tracks and leaving her brains and entrails to be devoured by vultures. (Man, thank God that AO3 doesn’t enforce ratings.) It was just what Judy needed.

The bunny cop only pulled down on the handle when she ducked out of her sister’s line of trajectory; the rabbits may have been small, but with all the speed their legs had built up, Jolene hit that door like a bullet.

It burst open and Jolene tumbled inside. Judy stood again and yanked the door shut. And just to make sure, she tried to open it again. It wouldn’t budge.

The sounds of Jolene screaming and pounding on the door were just about as loud as the rumbling of the train itself. But Judy calmly ignored it as she went back into the last coach car and closed the door behind her, legs collapsing as she sat criss-cross applesauce on the floor.

“Judy?”

It was her mom; MuzzleTime was still on.

“I’ll explain… everything, later,” Officer Hopps sighed in exhaustion. “Love you guys.”

“Uh, we… love you too, Judy,” said her perplexed father.

“Stay safe, dear…” said her morose mother, “...if… that’s even an option.”

“Bye.”

Judy hung up. She just sat there for a few moments on the floor of the rocking train, letting her adrenaline levels simmer down, the passengers staring at her, wondering what she’d do next but none of them brave enough to ask. The one who finally did speak to her was the fox who came running into the cabin from the far end.

“Judy!” he hollered. “Wh-where is she!? Where’s the fake!?”

“There,” Judy pointed. “The Gaboose. Door’s locked.”

“Oh, thank God for Chekhoof’s Gun!” the fox sighed. “Are you alright!?”

“I will be…” she murmured as she forced herself to her feet. “...Wait, where’s the fox robber!?”

“Oh, he’s right here,” Nick said plainly as he gestured behind him; sure enough, N’Eddie was following him, the tall tod’s wrists tied in front of him with someone’s charging cable. “He saw his boss was going off-script and just surrendered on the spot. Something-something about how an actor needs a director.”

“And I don’t do enough recreational drugs to be an improv actor!” the thespian snorted indignantly. “If the government of whatever country this is doesn’t care to subsidize the arts, then I’m content to let them feed, house, and clothe me at taxpayer expense. Hmph!”

Nick just rolled his eyes. “Hey, go tell the driver it’s safe to slow down now, will ya?”

“Now that’s the direction an actor needs!” Eddie beamed as he turned and made his way back to the front of the train.

“...Not to judge, but that guy is weird,” Judy found herself compelled to remark.

“Tell me about it…” Nick replied as almost a kneejerk quip. “...Actually, no, wait, tell me about the bunny! Who was that? What was her deal? How’d she get herself to look exactly like you!?”

…Oh. Judy turned her head and stared at a wall as she pondered what to say.

Alright, now HERE’S a compelling quandary! Should she explain the truth that that was Judy’s sister and all the bizarre dynamics that that entails!? Or should she… not do that?

To tell the truth, turn to Chapter 73!

To keep it a family secret, turn to Chapter 78!

Chapter Text

“Back in your cells!” A guard screamed as shivs and makeshift weapons clashed against riot shields. Prisoners threw containers of bright red liquid that hampered any officer they struck.

“Make way for Big Ed!” Someone shouted.

The mob of prisoners parted to reveal a large rhinoceros, who got down on all fours and sprinted forward. Crashing into the line of guards and sending them flying like bowling pins.

“That did it! YES!” Judy said, punching Nick in the shoulder.

“OW!”

“Come on! They can’t hold us in here!” A prisoner yelled, as the inmates began to march out of the cell block, chanting.

“Invasives won’t replace us! Invasives won’t replace us! Invasives won’t replace us!”

Nick and Judy paused momentarily, wincing ever so slightly.

“You know, maybe riling up that anti-invasives gang and getting them to cause a riot wasn’t such a good idea….” Nick whispered to his bunny companion.

“I told you that, but there wasn’t anyone else who was willing to help us! Remember Jerry? That guy just wouldn’t stop talking about his plants in the prison greenhouse!”

“Well, at least he gave us those spicy peppers.” Nick said, gesturing to smeared red material on the floor and the incapacitated officers.

“Come on, the armory is up ahead.”

Scampering after the other inmates, the pair found their way into the “guards only” area.

Corrections officers had been dispatched and were lying unconscious -- or worse -- on the ground. Doors and barricades had been smashed in, and inmates were actively raiding the prison armory. Passing out riot shields, shotguns, pistols, and semiautomatic rifles.

Nick and Judy walked up to one of the weapon racks, almost silently agreeing to choose non-lethal tools, even though they had the training and knowledge to use the more deadly ones. They didn’t want anybody to die, they just wanted to let themselves live.

Both mammals picked up an appropriately-sized pump-action shotgun that fired small bean bags, along with putting on a protective vest and combat harness. They wouldn’t kill mammals, but they would certainly hurt them.

“Ohhh! Carrots, look at this! Riot foam grenades!” Nick said, holding up a paw sized cylinder that widened slightly at the bottom before tapering again, its shape bearing similarity to a gourd. “Remember when Bogo said we were going to be getting these? We never got to use them!”

“I think I prefer something of a different flavor.” Judy scoffed, opting for a bandolier of tear gas grenades and a single-barreled launcher to fire them. The rabbit also grabbed a trusty paw held taser, while Nick picked up what looked like a large flashlight.

“Ohh, net launcher! This place has the good stuff!”

“Ugh, are you ready Nick?”

“I’m more than ready! Let’s go!”

Shotguns ready, Nick and Judy left the armory, meeting back up with the rest of the unruly inmates, the mammals having taken position next to a set of metal doors leading to the next cell block.

“Everyone ready?” A pig yelled, armed with a rifle.

The others responded with whoops, howls, and barks.

“Then let’s go!”

The mammals burst through the metal doors into another cell block. They were greeted by over a dozen guards armed with rifles, shotguns, and all manner of weapons.

The prisoners immediately began taking fire from the guards, racing to hide behind concrete pillars or anything that could be used to conceal themselves.

As the prisoners fired back with their own guns, guards with riot shields and batons raced forward to batter the rioters at close range. Nick raised his shotgun and fired at the oncoming mammals, their shields blocking the bullets.

A goat drew close to him, baton raised. The fleet footed Wilde using his foxy speed to dive under the strike, before hitting the goat in the stomach with a bean bag round.

Meanwhile, Judy advanced forward, taking out two guards with her weapon, bounding atop the head of a pig guard and delivering a powerful bunny kick to his face. Another guard, a badger, charged the rabbit and knocked her back with his riot shield. As the former Officer Hopps readied herself for another strike, a bean bag round hit the badger in the back.

The guard spun around to confront Nick, distracted long enough for Judy to bring him down with a kick to the leg. Both mammals pummeled him with bean bag rounds till he finally stopped moving.

“Badgers are usually very aggressive.” Nick said. “That’s why they make such good guards. Or… that could just be a speciesist stereotype.”

The prisoners began to gain ground against the defending guards, helped in no small part by Nick and Judy’s impeccable aim. Another prisoner in the group ranted about finding keys and ascending from darkness, describing the stolen rifle he was wielding as a paw made of iron. His comrades paid no mind, especially as another group of inmates burst into the cell block from a hallway to the left of the guards, trapping them in a pincer maneuver and overpowering them.

The mob of mammals cheered, stomping over the guards and pushing down a hallway that led to the right, joined by the newly arrived prisoners.

“Hey, thanks for the help there!” Nick said to a wolf who was passing by. “You’re from Cell Block B, right?”

“Yeah, I came from block B!” The wolf said. “We’re going for the prison garage!”

“Huh, I thought you’d have more mammals with you.”

“One of the guards we grabbed said there’s a medical helicopter on the roof! My cellmate was a pilot, and some guys decided they were going to try and use that to escape! Take your pick of where you wanna go! I’m headed for the garage!”

TO MAKE A BREAK FOR THE HELICOPTER, GO TO CHAPTER 60.

TO MAKE A BREAK FOR THE GARAGE, GO TO CHAPTER 61.

Chapter Text

Judy threw open the door labeled 10/7, both mammals being taken aback by what was inside. The door led to a cozy looking bar with a warm atmosphere and fully stocked shelf.

A female rabbit with brown fur and a dark blue shirt was standing behind the bar, cleaning a glass with a towel. She looked up to see Nick and Judy standing there, completely confused at the sight before them.

“Huh, we were always wondering where that door led too.”

Judy fumbled with her words, but Nick managed to quickly regain his composure, striding into the bar and shutting the door behind him.

“Well hello, don’t mind the orange uniforms, they’re supposed to be white coveralls, but uh… there was an accident in the washing machine.”

“Right….” The brown furred rabbit said.

“Could you please direct me and my fluffy friend here to the exit? Oh, and would you happen to have an extra shirt or something we could borrow?”

“There might be an old jacket or hat in the lost and found, by the exit door.” The rabbit said, pointing towards another door that had a sign written in it saying “Come back soon!”

“Trisha! Another round over here!” A voice at a table in the corner yelled.

“Coming right up!”

Nick and Judy hurried over to the exit, finding a cardboard box filled with old clothes. Judy quickly fished out a dull green jacket and lavender colored baseball cap, quickly putting them on. Nick opted for a brown trenchcoat and set of sunglasses.

Both mammals strode out of the bar, onto a busy Zootopian street. Almost immediately blending in with the crowds of mammals.

ESCAPE SUCCESSFUL!

Chapter Text

Judy threw open the door with the strange worn out symbol on it, revealing another hallway reminiscent of the one they were currently in.

“Come on, let’s go.” The rabbit said, both mammals stepping through the doorway and starting to explore.

The hallways were like a maze, with pathways branching off in all directions.

“Why aren’t any of these labeled?” Judy asked.

“Maybe they wore off?” Nick hypothesized, before pointing off towards the right. “What if we try this way?”

“Nah.” Judy said, shaking her head. “Come on, let’s just go back. We can’t waste our time wandering around here.”

The fox and bunny spun around, retracing their steps. Finding their way back to the entrance, only to be met with a concrete wall.

“Shouldn’t the entrance be right here?” Judy asked.

“No, we took a left turn when we first entered. Uh… I think?”

The pair pressed further, only to be met with more corridors, corners, and cold walls.

“What the…. This doesn’t make any sense…” Judy continued, scratching the side of her head.

“Hey, look! There’s light over there!”

The pair’s eyes lit up, running over to the glow being cast around a corner. Rounding it, they stopped in their tracks. Stretching before them was a network of hallways, with yellow wallpaper and dirty brown floor. The ceiling was made of tiled fiberglass, with square fluorescent lights positioned regularly.

“Uh…. Carrots…. I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore…” Nick said, both mammals’ ears pinning down in the back of their heads, as they looked at the endless liminal space of decrepit wallpaper and buzzing lights.

LOST IN THE BACKROOMS: GAME OVER

Chapter Text

Judy threw open the door with the strange spiky symbol on it. The room on the other side was full of pinecones. Before the two mammals could react, the mass of strobili came rushing out like an avalanche, rushing the two escapees under the weight of dozens of pinecones. 

DEAD. GAME OVER

Chapter Text

Judy opened the door with the water droplet symbol on it, revealing a room filled with pipework and valves.

“Must be the pump room…” Judy hypothesized. “Come on, maybe there’s an exit door! We might be able to get out!”

The rabbit jogged ahead, forcing Nick to increase his pace to keep up, and keep the flashlight beam on her.

The pair came to a room with a concrete trough dug into the floor, through which a stream of water flowed.

“This must be the outflow from… I don’t know, either the sewers or some other source.” Judy hypothesized. “If we can turn off the water… we might be able to get out!”

“I thought we weren’t going through the sewers this time.” Nick said, Judy running over to a worn sign on the wall, rushing dirt off part of it.

“Let’s see… hmmm… automatic fail safe… no… main valve … aha! There! Nick… help me with this.”

The fox and bunny gripped a large red valve that jutted from a metal construct embedded in the wall. The mechanism creaked as a gate slid across the water flow, which slowly decreased.

Light peered into the room through the trough’s exit, broken up by a metal grate.

“Darn it… wait!” Judy said. “Do you still have that screwdriver?!”

“Uh, Carrots, you should know by now, I always come prepared!”

From his person, the fox retrieved the tool, resulting in a playful punch from Judy which elicited a short “Ow!”

The fox managed to remove the screws holding the grate in place, both mammals moving it off to the side, looking ahead towards freedom.

“There! Come on!” Judy said. “Now let’s get out of-“

There was a dull noise of ringing bells and mechanical movement. Nick and Judy both looked back to see that the gate was automatically retracting, sending a wave of water at them.

Before the two could react, they were caught in the wave and forced through the pipe. Being spat out of a drain and into a lake. Pushed underwater, they held their breaths as they struggled in the current. Judy reached the surface first, gasping for air, frantically looking around for her companion before seeing him breach the surface of the water nearby.

Cough, cough!“Carrot cake, I…” cough! “...said I didn’t want to fall into water this time!” Nick lamented.

Cough! “Wait… we’re out! Haha! We’re out!” Judy cheered, looking behind her, back towards the towering prison walls above them. She spun around and saw that the pair were in a small river, bordered by woodlands.

“Come on, Slick! Let’s get out of here!”

The rabbit pointed to the shore, the two mammals swimming to it, and scampering off through the underbrush.

ESCAPE SUCCESSFUL!

Chapter Text

“...That brake is for emergencies, and this is an emergency,” the rabbit reasoned. “And heaven forbid this backfires… well, it’ll be a lot easier to explain that decision than having civilians jump off a moving train.”

“Playing the PR game. Cynical, but pragmatic,” the fox conceded with a firm, solemn nod. “Alright… let’s do this. Any of you big dudes wanna help us out?”

A plurality of passengers still protested, but it was clear by this point that Nick and Judy would not be deterred; as such, nobody made any attempt to impede them this time beyond volleying harsh if useless words. A few large mammals stepped forward to help the diminutive officers reach the lofty lever, and with white knuckles and clenched teeth, they pulled it.

The train shook violently as the brakes engaged, and the air was polluted with the deafening sounds of screeching and hissing. But after a very long moment, the coach steadied itself, and the train finally began slowing down.

…And it slowed down, like… really slowly. The rate of deceleration was alarmingly unalarming. Here everybody was bracing themselves for a sudden and dramatic stop, but instead it seemed like this vehicle seemed to be taking its sweet time brushing off its speed. It truly gave a new second meaning to the phrase “grinding to a halt.” Amid all the chaos and anxiety brewing in that cabin, there was still space for the officers and civilians alike to find themselves just plain annoyed by the lack of urgency this inanimate object was showing in the face of their panic.

“How is it taking so long to stop!?” Judy wondered aloud from the shoulders of a horse. “Did we not pull it right!?”

“Uh… no, no, this seems about right,” a passenger peeped meekly; it was a bespectacled beaver, and as politely as I can say this, between his effortlessly awkward body language and his fashion-oblivious manner of dress, one would get the impression from this rodent that he never met a computer screen he didn’t like. “They just… take that long, trains are big and have a lot of, y’know… inertia, as it were…”

“Oh, COME on!” Judy snapped at the world at large. “What’s the point of an emergency brake if it doesn’t brake in EMERGENCIES!?”

But while it may have seemed it on the outside, her frustration was not rooted in mere impatience. She feared what the imposters were doing. Regardless of whether their threats of violence were empty or sincere, it was now clear to everyone on this train that it was applying its brakes, and whatever the bandits were doing… well, they were surely doing something. And the question of what that something was drove her insane.

“We’re wasting time,” said Nick, sat atop the shoulders of a polar bear. He turned to address the crowd. “Alright, everybody, we’re gonna go to the other cars to see what’s up; you all evacuate when it’s safe, just don’t trample each other as you do.”

“Very well-put, Nick,” Judy said as they each shimmied down their living ladders, whom she then addressed: “Try to keep the crowds in order if you can, alright?”

“Uh… sure?” said the polar bear, while the horse simply nodded tepidly.

“Actually, wait,” Nick spoke up. “I have a better idea for what to make of them.”

When the bear and the horse stepped into the next car, the large mammals certainly did get the crowd’s attention.

“Everybody, we don’t have time to explain, but the hijackers are imposters,” the horse bellowed.

“We have the real Nick and Judy right here, they already proved themselves to us in the last car,” boomed the bear.

With that established by two big animals nobody would mess with, the fox and bunny stepped around them  and took in the scene. The chaos was very similar to that of the previous coach, but with the added drama of a throng of passengers knowing that the train slowing down meant that the two assailants -- whoever they really were, it didn’t matter -- had a very grim promise to fulfill.

“The train is stopping!!” one unplaceable voice called above the rest. “The robbers said--!”

“That they’d shoot you if anybody pulled the break, we know!” Judy retorted promptly. “But we pulled it anyway so you can all escape! Even if they aren’t bluffing, they can’t get everyone! But we think they are--”

That’s about when the door at the opposite end burst open. A barrage of mammals big and small rushed in, screaming, crying, fleeing. An eagle eye could see in the gap between cars that the crowd was pushing and shoving to exit that one and enter this one, clogging the vestibule and increasing the panic in the air. At some point, a llama tried pushing past a yak, and the sheer force of all those bodies ripped the rubber walls connecting the coaches. The llama fell between the tracks, as did many others who scrambled into the small gap and could not find room.

“W-wait!” Judy gasped. “What’s going on--!?”

Then the gunshots could be heard. And the horse and the polar bear who had helped the fox and bunny were helpless but to defer to their fight-or-flight mechanisms -- both of them choosing flight. As did all the other passengers in that car.

Disposing of Nick and Judy’s trampled bodies was a disgusting and bothersome task, but for Jolene and Eddie, it was worth it. If the entire point of this operation was to destroy the officers’ reputations, leaving their remains there for investigators to find would have completely undermined the entire point of the mission. Thankfully the tod was huge for his species and was able to carry them in the bags they’d brought.

Their plan had worked better than intended. Not only would the public think that Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde killed a bunch of people directly with a gun, but the ensuing chaos causing a stampede that greatly boosted the casualty count, therefore indirectly killing them, would have marred their legacies even more than the bitter bunny and her new boyfriend could have imagined. And they even made off with enough loot to cover the cost of all the weapons that could eliminate even megafauna -- plus the cost of the railroad employee uniforms that they needed to get into the offices, arrange to have Gazelle’s Gaboose added to the train, and ultimately sneak aboard as staff. It would have been nice to have come away more in the black instead of merely breaking even, but hey, at least this spared them from having to explain away where they suddenly got a bunch of money from.

It wasn’t perfect, and authorities highly suspected that it wasn’t the real Hopps and Wilde who had done this -- especially with how visually different “Nick” looked in the livestream archives -- but after torching the train for good measure to neutralize any DNA they may have left behind, Eddie and Jolene successfully evaded ever being attached to the crime. As far as the public was concerned, either the real Nick and Judy had actually done all that, or they had pissed someone off enough that they would frame them for the murder of dozens, which, in essence, was just as bad and rendered them virtually as culpable anyway. As such, the imposters never lost a wink of sleep over what they did, since the public consensus was that, yes, none of this would have happened if that overachieving bitch Judy hadn’t made her entire rest of her family look like losers by comparison and if that heel-turning douchebag Nick hadn’t set an impossible standard for the rest of his species to live up to. Really, Eddie and Jolene were the victims here, weren’t they?

And if you’re wondering, the rest of their lives turned out freaking great. The pair eventually got married, citing the deceased officers’ bravery as an interspecies couple as their inspiration to be out and proud about their relationship -- which a lot of people found weird because Nick and Judy had never to their knowledge been an item, but everyone quietly assumed that Jolene knew something about her sister that wasn’t public information. Eddie may have been an actor by trade, if not a particularly successful one, but when it came time to turn on the waterworks at that wedding, it was Jolene who should have gotten an award. See, Judy? It should have been your sister who got the role in the elementary school play instead of you.

Everyone lived happily ever after, except for all those who’d suffered life-altering injuries and/or unspeakable psychological trauma after barely surviving the train incident, and all the people who had lost friends and family on that train, and also everybody who was dead. But that fox and bun couple were so gosh-darn happy that you really could argue that the aggregate amount of joy in the world had indeed gone up overall, and that’s what’s important, isn’t it?

Chapter Text

“We run!”

The sprinted down the street, zigzagging to avoid the sniper’s shots. For their troubles, this led to half a dozen innocent civilians catching these strays instead. Some of them died! But Nick and Judy didn’t have to feel too guilty about getting innocent bystanders killed for too long; this sniper was a professional and was able to get them before too long. It wasn’t cinematic, but it wasn’t supposed to be; it was meant to be a quick job done expeditiously, and that’s what it had been.

“Cowards…” the assailant scoffed under their breath as they exited the scene, disgusted that the so-called heroes would run away.

…So it turned out one of the innocents killed was a young giraffe girl named Natasha; wouldn’t you know it, that long neck made her a sizable hitbox. When Sasha found out that Sammy Stripes’ hired gun had murdered her daughter, she understandably went stark raving mad. Sasha demanded Sammy take her to meet this assassin so she could tell them off to their masked face. Stricken with guilt, Sammy obliged. That was when Sasha pulled her own gun out and eliminated Sammy and his sloppy assassin before turning the gun on herself.

Life in Zootopia sucked after that. Chief Bogo suffered a fatal heart attack from the stress. Clawhouser also suffered a fatal heart attack from being morbidly obese. In addition, Gazelle overdosed after turning to hard drugs to numb the guilt of her Gaboose being used for evil. Plus, Bellwether was shanked in prison, Mr. Big died in a mafia-related shootout while his pregnant daughter Fru-Fru was stepped on by a hippo who wasn’t paying much attention, Duke was electrocuted when he urinated on an electrified tram rail, the entire Hopps clan died in a fire when Bonnie overconfidently tried cooking too many things at once to serve a holiday meal to a family of hundreds, and Finnick succumbed to testicular cancer that he could have very easily survived if he hadn’t been too insecure to let a doctor examine him down there. Remember to get checked, guys.

But it got even worse. One day, a snake came to Zootopia, and some teenage elephant thought it would be funny to cut his head off and use his decapitated corpse as a jump rope. When news of this broke, the Reptile Nation declared war on Zootopia and dropped a nuclear warhead on the city, killing most and hopelessly deforming the scant few survivors. And it’s all your fault because you chose this.

THE END.

Chapter Text

After giving it some thought, and looking at the passengers, they decided not to involve them in case anyone gets hurt. They had to do it themselves with the tools they had, without guns, nor armor… absolutely nothing but their brains to figure out how to stop them.

“As much as we appreciate your help… we rather not put you all at risk, this is something the cops shall do.” Judy decided to speak up to everyone.

“Even acting tough, I’m not gonna believe you’re the good ones!” The raccoon screamed from the back.

Nick just shrugged. “If you wanna face them both, be my guest. I’m not responsible for your high chance of death if you do that.”

The raccoon decided to sit down quietly while the rest of passengers protested from not being included, they really wanted to help and stop the criminals… but Judy had his mind settled.

“I’m really sorry, I don’t want any harm towards you. We’ll keep you safe.” Judy tried to calm them all down.

They kept on screaming and protesting until the wolf called them all over and they all got silent. They started talking in a low voice and there were some nods. Judy and Nick didn’t understand, they just kept their eyes on them wondering what they had in mind.

After a moment of talking, they all turned around.

“We accept that fact, but still we want to help a bit, so just give us a signal and we’ll be ready to do what needs to be done.” The rest just nodded in agreement.

Judy sighed happily that they talked and understood. “Alright, but probably we won’t make you do anything that puts you all in danger.”

“Don’t worry ma’am, we won’t intend to do more than we can do, we all have families.” The giraffe mom said.

“I don’t! But I won’t sacrifice myself either!” The raccoon commented from afar, still with his distrust on the real Nick and Judy.

Nick lowered his voice. “That’s… pretty sad actually…” Then he raised his head to look at Judy. “Let’s go stop those two, partner.” And gave a smile of his own.

“Yeah, let’s.” Judy nodded and his will overcame her, turning quickly as the fox did.

“Those two… are very good youngsters.” The mole commented with nostalgia in his voice and licking his own lips. “That reminds me of my childhood. It was one day in 1945 when…”

Multiple groans could be heard in the whole cart, some hid, some covered their ears. Seemed like it wasn’t the first time the old man talked about his past. And even so, if an old mammal started with their rantings… said mammal could stay talking about the same thing over... and over… and over again… Only one mammal stood close to the mole: The giraffe girl.

The mom called her attention. “Natasha, come here, don’t bother him.” She said in a low voice.

“Why? I think he’s interesting, mommy. I wanna listen!” She really looked excited and turned her gaze to the mole.

Again, some more groans could be heard and some of the mammals used their headphones to not hear the rants. But what could the zebra mom do? Her daughter liked it, so she just had to deal with it, much to her dismay. Still, embarrassment got to her really quick and hid in her seat. Her daughter was paying full attention to the old man, nodding occasionally and carefully listening to each word.

Nick and Judy avoided it just in time and got in the car of the criminals real quick, closing afterwards. Of course, fake Nick and Judy turned around and aimed their weapons, fake Judy smiling wickedly and the driver cowered while taking the steering wheel.

“Well, well… Look who we have here. But if it isn’t our impostors?” Jolene said, confidence in her voice.

“As far as I know… we’re still… us, you know. Maybe you need glasses.” Nick casually said, shrugging.

“Freeze! Drop the act, they already know. Everyone already knows that you’re fake!” She tried to reach for her gun… but forgot they didn’t bring any police stuff, so they had to improvise.

Jolene laughed. “Oh yeah, with what you’re gonna stop me now? I have the high ground here, surrender!” She kept aiming her gun to Judy.

“And she dares to do a film reference… the nerve…” Eddie commented, knowing where it came from.

Jolene turned. “What did you say?!”

“Nothing!” He held his free paw up.

“Good… Now…” The bunny looked back at both cops. “This is easier than expected, you cannot even defend yourselves. We just could keep going in this criminal spree, kill you here so there’s no more messing with identities.” She aimed at Judy. “You could start saying your last words.”

The bunny cop looked at her side and spotted something that could help… but she’d have to get her sister distracted. She looked at Nick, who looked back at her, she did a light gesture with her head and the fox nodded.

“You know…” He started. “It wasn’t too bad of an act, but you’re starting to have difficulties keeping the act, making you unbelievable. So you won’t incriminate Carrots anymore.” He shook his head. “Such a shame.”

Offended, Jolene changed her objective, aiming him. “What do you know about acting, dumbass? I made everyone believe it, you know nothing.”

“Where did I go wrong?!” Eddie screamed, like he's having a crisis. “I learnt a lot about you, I studied the role, this cannot be!”

“You idiot…” Jolene turned to his partner. “Don’t let them make you fall for it, focus!”

Nick saw the opportunity and turned to the tall fox. “You forgot my coolness, my charm, my attitude… If you wanted to be me, you should have been my stalker.” He smirked, but thought twice for a moment. “...yeah, don’t be a stalker, please.”

Eddie lowered his guard. “B-But I did it so well, this cannot be!”

“Focus, dumbass!” Now Jolene growled. “Don’t let them get to you!”

Nick turned his focus to her and said in his mind: ‘That’s my line!’. Then spoke up. “You also had an error of attitude… and focus.”

The criminal bunny aimed up to him. “I’m gonna shut you up forever!”

“Try me, but next time, don’t forget your environment.”

Just as he finished, Judy kicked the fidget spinner from the floor and sent it flying to Jolene’s face, with successful result. She stumbled and lost the grip on the weapon, Nick went fast to Eddie and tried to grab his weapon. Judy went close to try and grab it, but Jolene didn’t budge.

Nick growled and groaned, trying to pull the gun from the other fox. “Give it to me, it’s over!”

Eddie regained his senses after the little breakdown and his eyes changed, frowned and looked serious. “No, this won’t be over… I’ll reign supreme!”

“...What?” Nick said and got a kick on the stomach, close to the groin, then got a hit on the side with the butt of the weapon, making him dizzy, fall and groan. “D-Don’t shoot.”

Eddie kept his gun aimed at the fox, but wasn’t pulling the trigger. “Keep down and I’ll keep you alive, you’re a formidable opponent.”

Nick was getting increasingly confused by the tall fox’s attitude. Meanwhile, Judy was struggling, Jolene seemed to have a lot of strength and wasn’t letting the gun go. It was a bunny fight.

“Let go!” Jolene screamed.

“No! I’ll stop you, no matter the cost!” She kept pulling strongly, but their strengths were equal.

Jolene looked to the side. “Even at the cost of your partner’s life?”

“What?!” Judy looked at Nick, he was being aimed barely centimetres from Eddie. A shot would be fatal. “Nick!”

“You better stop pulling this weapon… or I’ll tell him to shoot your dear partner.”

Now she was in a pickle, she had to choose between trying to stop the fake Judy or risk it and have the fox get shot and most probably dead. There was no time to waste, it was her time to save her partner or risk it…

Help her make a choice, quick!

To stop fighting Jolene and surrender to her words, turn to Chapter 72.

To keep on fighting for the weapon to snatch it out of Jolene’s paws, turn to Chapter 79.

Chapter Text

Judy shook her head. “I’m sorry, Natasha, but your mother’s right: it’s too dangerous for you to come with us.”

Tears began to form in Natasha’s eyes. “But–”

“Nice try, kid, but you’re looking at a master emotional manipulator.” Nick leaned down until he was eye level with her and shot her a smirk. “Don’t think your crocodile tears will work on me.”

In an instant, Natasha’s face contorted from sad to annoyed. She snorted and crossed her arms, then stuck her tongue out at Nick when he chuckled at her response. “You meanie,” she grumbled. Her glare shifted to Judy. “You both meanies.”

“It’s for your own good,” Judy assured her. She offered the young giraffe a soft smile. “You’ve already helped us a lot, Natasha. Thanks to you, Officer Wilde and I finally have an idea of who we’re dealing with. We might even be able to stop this train and save the day–and we couldn’t have done it without you!”

Natasha narrowed her eyes defiantly, but it was obvious to everyone in the train car that the bunny’s words had touched her deeply. “You’re just saying that,” she mumbled under her breath.

“It’s true.” Judy gestured to Nick. “Do you really think we would have a chance of making it to the front of the train if everyone thought we were the bad guys?”

Natasha’s expression began to soften. “No,” she quietly admitted.

“And if you didn’t stop everyone from attacking us, what do you think would have happened?” Nick chimed in.

“Well, everyone here was planning on ripping you two to shreds.” Natasha raised an arm and waved it at the crowd of animals around them, all of whom tried to shrink away the more she talked. “They said they wanted to rip you into tiny pieces and throw those pieces out the windows a little at a time–except for your tails, which they were going to launch into space on a rocket ship headed straight into the Sun. Oh, and they were also going to take your underwear and put it up for auction on eBray and use the winnings to take a cruise to Cancoon, and if there was any money leftover they were going to create some crypto memecoin named WildeHoppsCoin–”

Judy and Nick raised their paws at the same time to get her to stop talking, but Natasha’s mother was faster. With one swift motion, she covered the giraffe girl’s mouth with one hoof and pulled her close in a tight grasp with the other, locking her in place and preventing her from making any further sounds or movements. After a few seconds of struggling, Natasha finally gave up, and resigned herself to her new position.

Natasha’s mother gave the two of them an apologetic look, before nodding her head to the door. “You’d both better get going.”

Nick gave a firm nod. “Understood, ma’am.” He turned to the door and placed his paw on the handle. “Would you like me to bring back sour cream and onion, or cheddar cheese?”

Judy rolled her eyes and pushed past him. “I don’t think anyone’s hungry right now, Nick.”

A voice called out from behind them. “Well, actually–”

“Nobody. Is. Hungry. Right. Now.” Judy grabbed the handle herself and pushed it down, opening the door between cars. “Come on, Nick, we’ve got a train to save.”

Nick glanced over his shoulder and smiled at the animals they were leaving behind. “Not to worry, everyone: Officer Hopps and I are off to save the day! We can all eat after we’re done–a big buffet, where all can eat, drink, and be–”

Judy grabbed him by his tie and dragged him into the next car before he had a chance to finish.

As the two entered the next car, they were both surprised at how empty it was. They had both expected the food car to be full of, well, food, but aside from a single shelf full of potato chips and a mini-fridge that only had a few bottles of water, the only other thing in sight was a single table beside one of the giant windows, and there weren’t even chairs or a bench next to it.

“And they wonder why train travel is dying,” Nick grumbled. “Seriously, who wants to travel to Bunnyburrow on an empty stomach?”

Judy continued walking ahead, toward the door on the opposite side of the car, though she at least let go of Nick’s tie. “That’s exactly what we were doing,” she pointed out.

“Yeah, but we were in the Gaboose.” Nick’s voice turned slightly dramatic. “Will nobody think of the peasants?”

“No, we let the peasants starve to death,” Judy replied flatly. She reached the door and grabbed the handle. “What good would it do the peasants to have such things as food and oxygen? What’s next, will we need to start giving them…”

Her voice trailed away as she peeked through the window and into the following car. Her eyes widened as she saw two figures moving in her direction, their features darkened by the dim lighting.

She hurriedly backed away from the door and turned back to Nick. “Hide,” she silently mouthed.

She quickly realized, however, that there was nowhere to hide. The door would open up in just a few seconds–far too short a time to rush back to the previous car–and the food car was devoid of any hiding spots except for underneath the table–

“Dibs!”

And unfortunately for her, Nick had beaten her to it, and was now hiding underneath it as best he could. Even so, it would be incredibly easy to see him if someone knew where to look, but it was still far better than being out in the open.

Just like he had left her…

She shot him a look and groaned, “Thanks a lot.”

And then the door opened.

All she could do was stand there and hope she didn’t look as stupid as she felt. Her only solace was that the person currently entering the car had his head turned around. “Yeah, yeah, I’m on it,” he assured whoever was behind him. “What, like I can’t find one bag of cheese puffs?”

The door closed behind him and he turned his attention back ahead of him. He took another few steps before finally seeing Judy standing here, which caused him to come to a sudden stop. “Hey, what are you doing here? I thought we told all of you to…” His eyes widened with recognition as he eyed Judy from ear to tail. “Oh, chutes and ladders…”

Judy took a moment to size up the fox herself–and “sizing him up” was definitely the right way of putting it. Just as Natasha had described him, he bore a striking resemblance to Nick: red fur, green eyes, black on the tip of his tail, and a certain cocky sway in his walk. His voice was similar to Nick’s as well, though not nearly as dead-on a copy as his physical features. However, there was one thing that made him stand out…

Or rather, stand tall–about seven feet tall. Well, okay, maybe not seven feet, but he was still very, very, very, very, very, very–

The fox suddenly scrambled, shaking her out of her trance. He dug into his pocket, retrieved something shiny, and tried to point it at her, but he lost his grip on it almost immediately and fumbled with both paws for several seconds trying to grab it again. Judy felt her heart skip a beat at first, but when he regained his control over the object, she felt a mixture of relief and irritation as she realized it was only a hairbrush.

“Stay back, Officer Hopps! I know how to use this thing!”

Judy fought the urge to groan. “What are you going to do, groom me to death? Yeah, I’m really scared.”

“You should be!” The fox took a threatening step towards her, quite literally towering over her now. “You have no idea who you’re messing with!”

“Actually, I do.” Judy casually flicked a thumb behind her, towards the car she and Nick had just come from. “Had some very helpful animals fill me in on all the deets.”

The fox hesitated, clearly trying to decide if she was bluffing or not. “What did they tell you about me, exactly?” he asked.

“That you were taller than any fox naturally should be.”

“Oh, that’s just mean!” The fox huffed and lowered his hairbrush, nearly throwing it on the floor in a rage. “I’m not that tall! You can see that for yourself!”

“I mean…” Judy craned her neck so far she nearly fell backwards. “When I heard you were tall, I expected something around my Uncle Andre’s height. But you are freakishly tall. Like, I think I saw something like you in a circus that visited Bunnyburrow when I was seven years old: Milton and Simeon’s Cretaceous Creatures.”

“It was the Cavernous Creatures!” the fox shot back. He placed his paws on his hips and growled at her. “If you’re going to bring up that stupid circus, at least get the name right! And I’ll have you know that I thoroughly enjoyed my time there, thank you very much! They paid me enough to go to Zoolliard and get an acting degree. And, I’ll have you know, I graduated with honors, so I’d say those years in the circus really paid off.” He closed his eyes and his face beamed with pride.

He held the pose for so long, Judy saw Nick crawl out from underneath his table and slink behind the fox. He came to a stop behind the fox and shot Judy a curious look, wondering whether she wanted him to neutralize the fox or continue on to the next car without her.

Her eyes shifted between Nick and the fox for a moment, before she decided, “Go on.”

The fox opened his eyes and looked down on her once again. The smuggest of grins crossed his face, and his eyelids dropped; good grief, he even smiled like Nick. “Well, if you insist.” He cleared his throat and closed his eyes again. “I was voted Most Likely to EGOAT by my peers at Zoolliard. And for my role in our school performance of My Fair Feline, the Gnu York Apologist called my performance ‘sublimely worthy of standing out in a crowd’.”

He further went on to mention a review of another performance, but Nick did not hear any of it. Without making a sound, he moved to the back door, opened it up, and quickly entered the next car. He took extra care to close the door silently behind him before turning around and taking a good look at this new car he had entered.

Unfortunately for him, however, the first thing he saw was a rabbit standing in front of him. Her arms were crossed and her foot was thumping impatiently on the ground. Much like the fox in the other car resembled him, this bunny bore a striking resemblance to Judy–though Nick never would have mistaken the two himself. This bunny’s fur was a darker shade of gray, and her eyes were blue instead of purple.

And, even more uncharacteristic of Judy, when she spoke, her voice had a certain harshness to it that made his skin crawl.

“Well?” she demanded. “Did you maybe find the cheese puffs in all that time you were in there?”

How she did not immediately realize he was not the other fox was beyond him; Nick was at least half his size, probably even less. However, he decided to take advantage of the situation while he could. Thinking fast as he usually did, he bonked his paw on his forehead and let out an exasperated sigh. “Oh, I knew I forgot something!”

The rabbit growled–quite loudly–and stomped her foot in frustration. “Ned, you had one job!” She started walking forwards. “Do I have to do everything myself?”

Nick quickly intercepted her, blocking her off before she could reach the door. “That’s okay, I’ll go get it! I mean, it’s the least I could do for you after…” He desperately hoped that he wouldn’t have to finish that sentence.

The rabbit thrust her paw into Nick’s sternum and forced him against the door. “I’ve had it up to here with your mistakes, fox!” She leaned forwards and snarled at him loudly. “One more and I will throw you off this train. Got it?”

Nick was surprised at the rabbit’s strength–and if he was honest, even a little scared. He genuinely believed she not only was capable of tossing him out the nearby window if she desired, but that she absolutely would if he did or said something she didn’t like. He whimpered and nodded in compliance, not even having to fake it this time.

“Good.” The rabbit let go of him and turned back to the door, but after a moment of contemplation, she let out a defeated sigh. “Forget it,” she mumbled. “We’ve got more important things to worry about.”

After taking a second or two to regain his composure, Nick stood up straight and nodded dutifully. “You’re absolutely right, we do. What would you like me to do now?”

The rabbit nodded her head towards the back of the car. “Well, all the hostages are cooperating, and according to that stupid engineer we should be reaching Bunnyburrow in about twenty minutes. I think now’s as good a time as any to move forward with Phase 7 of our plan.”

Nick nodded knowingly. “Right. Phase 7.”

The rabbit stared at him. “You forgot, didn’t you?”

“No, I remember! But just in case I remember correctly, would you mind giving me a refresher?”

The rabbit groaned loudly. “I thought you actor types were supposed to remember instructions,” she grumbled. However, after rolling her eyes, she relented. “It’s very simple: we lead the hostages to the back of the train. Once we’re there, we push one or two of them onto the tracks and rush into the Gaboose. My sister and that boyfriend of hers will be caught up in all the commotion, and the hostages will take care of them for us while we slip away unnoticed with all their stuff. Got it?”

There were several things that the rabbit had just said that should have caught Nick off-guard, but the one that surprised him the most was the one that escaped his lips before he could stop himself. “Wait. You’re Carrots’ sister?”

“No, her name is Judy, not Carrots, what are you, some kind of…”

The rabbit’s eyes widened in realization, much like the fox’s had in the other car a few minutes prior.

At the same time, the door between the cars flew open, and the freakishly tall fox appeared. “Jolene! We’ve got a problem! Your sister–”

Time seemed to come to a stop. Ned and Nick and Jolene and Judy all stared at each other from their respective standing spots, all of them taking in the scene around them.

And Nick and Judy were suddenly faced with a choice of what to do next:

Option 1: Fight them! Turn to Chapter 74.

Option 2: Mock them! Turn to Chapter 75.

Chapter Text

“I can’t think of a better way to get out of here than a helicopter!” Nick said. “Unless someone has teleportation powers.”

“Which way did they go?” Judy asked, the wolf pointing down the hallway to the left.

“They were cutting through the hospital. If you hurry you might be able to catch up!”

The mammal took off, while Nick and Judy darted down the hallway, following signs on the wall till they reached the prison hospital.

Being greeted by three mammals, a cheetah, a snow leopard, and a pig. The latter of which was currently hunched over a doorway in front of them.

“Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps.” The bunny said, bounding up to the other 3 prisoners. “What’s the problem?”

“We can’t get through into the guard’s only area.” The snow leopard said. “And there’s not enough of us to bash through it.”

“Darn, nope not working.” The pig said, backing away. Revealing the lock on the door was scratched and stuffed with metal thin implements.

“It looks like you’ve missed the easiest way through.” Nick put forward, the other prisoners raising their eyebrows, before the fox pointed to the thin vertical window built into the door. “If we could get rid of that glass, I think a small mammal could get through.”

Nick turned to his bunny companion, who nodded in agreement.

The snow leopard bashed the window with the butt of a shotgun he was carrying. After a few strikes, it cracked. After a few more strikes, it shattered. And The glass was cleared away.

“Be careful Carrots.” Nick said.

Judy leapt up and through the window above the door. A few clicks later, and the way was cleared.

“Guess it pays to be a small mammal.” The snow leopard said.

The 5 prisoners moved through the restricted area, finding their way to a stairwell, and emerging into the light atop the prison roof. A small walkway leading across the gravel ground to a helicopter pad, atop which sat a bright red helicopter with “Zootopia Med” written on the side in white.

But before the prisoners could celebrate, Judy’s ears perked up as a large whirr became audible.

A black hawk helicopter hovered low over the roof between the prisoners and their escape vehicle. A TUSK team of 5 mammals dropped from the aircraft, weapons ready. The helicopter lifted back into the sky as the TUSK unit opened fire.

The prisoners took cover behind ductwork and machinery on the rooftop. Nick and Judy looking at each other, both fox and rabbit wondering the same question.

“How are we gonna get out of this?”

TO HAVE NICK DRAW HIS NET LAUNCHER, GO TO CHAPTER 76.

TO HAVE JUDY DRAW HER TASER, GO TO CHAPTER 77.

Chapter Text

“Car seems a bit more feasible,” Judy said, gesturing to the pair of canines.

Nick and Judy joined the wolf and the other prisoners in moving through the shattered building. Alarms blared, while shouts and gunfire could be heard in other areas of the complex. The mob crashed through a hastily assembled barricade, fighting off a few more guards before managing to reach the prison garage.

The room contained a few armored transport vans, which mammals began to examine, while another mammal ran over and clicked a button on the wall. A sliding garage door slowly started to open.

“These things aren’t exactly as fast as our old cruiser,” Nick noted, gesturing to the vans.

“They’re not as glamorous as Flash’s car either,” Judy replied.

“They’re more like Finnck’s van.”

Bullets flew into the garage, gunning down several prisoners, forcing the rest to duck for cover.

Several police vehicles occupied the parking lot outside the garage, officers with weapons drawn shooting at the escaping mammals, including a five mammal TUSK squad.

From where they were crouched behind a heavy metal tool chest, Nick and Judy shared a look, both fox and rabbit wondering the same question.

“How are we gonna get out of this?”

TO HAVE JUDY DRAW HER TEAR GAS LAUNCHER, GO TO CHAPTER 82.

TO HAVE NICK DRAW HIS RIOT FOAM GRENADES, GO TO CHAPTER 83.

Chapter Text

“...So let's fight!” Judy exclaimed. “Stay here and comfort Natasha, I need to get up onto that building.”

“Stay safe,” Nick said.

“I will, don’t worry,” Judy promised.

She ran up a nearby fire escape, and once on the roof opposite from the sniper she ran towards him as she dodged bullets. As she reached near the edge of the roof, she grabbed her phone and called the ZPD.

“Clawhauser, this is Officer Judy Hopps. I’m in Patchville and an assassin is trying to kill me and Nick. Bring reinforcements now!”

“On it, Judy!” Clawhauser said, “I just need you to stay on the phone.”

Judy jumped off the edge of the roof and made her way over to the other roof, kicking the assassin mid-air.

“Judy! What's happening!?!”

“Defending myself. What’s the ETA?”

“About 30 minutes.”

Judy noticed that the assassin was loading up his sniper. She quickly kicked the gun out of his hands and onto the street below. The two mammals fought it out for about 20 minutes until Judy kicked him onto the ground and fell toward him. Once they landed on the group, Judy pinned down the assassin and waited for her fellow ZPD officers to show up to the scene. Soon enough, ZPD vehicles pulled up, parking right near her.

Panicked, the assassin wiggled his hand out of Judy’s grip, reached for his pistol, and shot her in the stomach. Judy let him go as she held onto the gun wound, and after a few seconds, she fainted on the hard cobblestone road.

“Today, famed officer Judy Hopps is in the hospital after she was shot by an assassin, which many people are calling a hate crime. This comes after a debate among the people of Zootopia of whether interspecies marriage should be legalized,” a news anchor said.

Sam Stripes paced around his office as he paid more attention to the news broadcast on his computer monitor. Now they were out interviewing civilians.

A beaver on the screen said, “Y’know, this whole thing goes to show how much hate can destroy. I hope more people will wake up and not vote for Sam Stripes.”

The news broadcast cut to a bunch of images showing social media posts with the tag #HateKills. Many posts were critiquing Sam’s division of mammals in his campaign.

Sam sat on his chair, sulking in his defeat. “I’m going to lose to that damn horse, am I?”

Judy opened her lavender eyes. In front of her was her trusted partner Nick and her parents right beside him.

“How are you feeling, Jude?” Stu asked.

“Great actually. How long was I out?”

“Just for a few days. We decided to postpone that dinner until you got back, and since you are now recovered we’ll have that tonight,” Bonnie said.

“That would be lovely. It’ll be nice to see the family again after… all of this.” Judy looked at Nick. “How is Natasha?”

“She is with her mom now,” Nick said. “She is with a therapist trying to heal from whatever caused her to be some cold hearted loser.”

Stu and Bonnie’s old truck rolled into their driveway. Judy exited the truck, breathing the fresh air as she looked around at all the hills surrounding their peaceful farm. She and Nick walk into the house, and not even moments later Cotton jumped up and hugged Judy.

“AUNTIE JUDY!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!” Cotton exclaimed.

“Cotton! Indoor voice,” Bonnie shouted.

“Sorry, Grandma…” Cotton said.

Judy and Nick walked around the house with Cotton tightly by Judy’s side, greeting many family members that Judy hasn’t seen in months. Just around the time Judy had caught up with half of her family members, dinner was already ready and everything was called down into the middle room.

The table was long and was filled with many types of food collected right in their farm. As Judy was eating her veggie soup, one of her cousins asked her a question she thought she had escaped.

“Hey, so are you and Nick dating?”

Judy looked at Nick, who was sitting beside her. She turned her focus to her cousin, closed her eyes, breathed, and began to answer the one question she couldn't figure out.

The End!

Chapter Text

"It's the tiara!" Eric declared. "The one the perpetrators stole from Natasha's mother!"

Kyle frowned in confusion. "And how does that prove anything?"

"Don't you remember what the witness said? If the thieves really stole that tiara, and were acting every bit as lovey-dovey as the witness claims, then it's quite possible that the 'Judy' she saw is still wearing it!"

Silence.

"Whyyyy?" Kyle stressed.

Eric faltered. "W-Well, it would be a really nice romantic gesture, don't you think?"

"No. That's ridiculous," he said bluntly.

"But—"

"No, he's right," Judy chimed in. "Come on, Mr. Badge, at least try to take this seriously!"

"Yeah! Miss Judy's standing right here and I can see she's not wearing the tiara!" Natasha added. "Did you lose it somewhere? Oh! I can get you something else!" She dug around in her pocket and produced a beautiful diamond ring... pop. "Here! This should be small enough to fit—oops!" The candy ring tumbled from her hooves and fell to the floor.

"I got it!" Nick said, getting down on one knee to grab the ring and hold it back up.

Natasha gasped. The giraffe had stepped back in surprise, leaving Nick holding the ring to the equally shocked Judy. "OH MY GOSH IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING!"

"Ow!" Judy winced, her sensitive ears ringing.

"Judy?" Nick asked in concern.

She tapped her ears, flinching. "Yes?"

"OHMYGOSHSHESAIDYES!"

"Ow! What?!"

"What?!" Nick also yelled.

(This took a turn. I have to do something!)

Objection!

"Overruled," Hopkins said, slamming her gavel down. "I've waited my whole life to witness a courtroom proposal and you're not going to ruin this for me. Thankfully, I'm legally ordained for just such an occasion."

"Guilty?" Joey asked.

"No, Joey. Something even more beautiful." Hopkins wiped a tear from her eye. "By the power vested in me, I now declare the defendants, Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps..."

MARRIED

A rain of confetti rained down over the courtroom, a substantial amount more than usual. Kyle didn't even look mad he'd technically lost, just laughing his ass off across the room.

And even though he'd technically won, Eric wasn't feeling like much of a winner right now. Especially with the downright murderous glares his defendants were now shooting him.

"Get him!" Nick yelled.

The sounds of celebration completely drowned out B&O being chased from the courthouse by their own rabid clients.

(Can't we all just live happily ever after?)

Well, I'm sure some of you might consider this a happy ending. Shame they ended up getting arrested again for assaulting their defense lawyers. It seems the WildeHopps train is one that won't be leaving this particular station.

To accept these ends, turn to Chapter 29!

To justify the means, turn back to Chapter 47!

Chapter Text

"...You mentioned a spin," Eric said, turning to Natasha. "If Nick and Judy were to perform it again, would you recognize it?"

"Huh?" both defendants asked.

"Probably!" Natasha agreed. "Let's give it a shot!"

"Hold on! Don't we get a say in this?" Nick protested.

"Nope! Spin her around! Spin for love!"

"Sorry, Carrots..." Nick reluctantly grabbed Judy and attempted a romantic twirl.

That ended with him dropping her to the floor. "Oof! Um, let's try that again."

(I sense a montage coming on...)

"Ow!" Judy yelled as she was spun into the witness stand.

"My foot!" Judy cried just before he stepped on the other one too.

"AAAAAH!" Judy screamed as Nick somehow launched her into the ceiling.

"Sorry! You're lighter than you look, Carrots!"

"Mr. Badge," Kyle interrupted, watching these repeated attempts with awe. "Is this seriously supposed to prove that the robbers weren't Hopps and Wilde?"

"Oh, no," Eric clarified, shaking his head. "This was so obviously a wrong answer that it was clearly only chosen to get something funny out of it."

Hopkins gave a nod. "Fair enough."

GUILTY

"Urk!" Eric flinched, as Judy was accidentally spun into the wall next to them. "Can I at least get an accolade for that?"

Awarded!
Spun out at the Finish Line

"Thanks..."

Sometimes, failure can be its own reward. Especially when you don't have to stick to it!

To let it go, and move on, turn to Chapter 29!

To make like a dragon and never yield, turn back to Chapter 47!

Chapter Text

"The witness claims she hasn't washed her jumper," Eric said slowly. "Which means the slobber in question should still be on it, correct?"

"Oh, absolutely!" Natasha said proudly, pointing to a noticeable stain near the bottom of her sweater. “I have their love mark right here!”

"Then the path forward becomes simple! All that must be done is to analyze that stain and compare the DNA to that of my clients!"

Kyle's finger gun exploded in his face and he reeled back, clutching his sizzling wrist. "Wait, what?! It can't seriously be that easy!"

"And yet it is!" Eric challenged. "I demand that the jumper be analyzed at once!"

"No way!" Natasha cried. "You can't have my romance sweater!"

That took some of the wind out of his sails. "Y-You can have it back after we're done, I promise." (The things I do for my clients.)

With some reluctance, Natasha surrendered her sweater. Underneath it was, perhaps unsurprisingly, a t-shirt of Nick and Judy surrounded by a giant heart.

The results came back about ten minutes later, in the form of a female mouse in a lab coat taking the stand. "I can't believe you made me analyze this, but... I can confirm that the DNA doesn't belong to either of the defendants."

"You can't be serious!" Kyle's fist slammed into his bench. "Did I just lose because of a little girl's romantic fantasies?!"

"Don't get too broken up about it," Delilah taunted. "You were right, after all."

"What are you talking about?" he hissed.

"You're the one who summoned this witness, remember?" Eric joined in. "Who better to verify their identities to the court? I believe that's how you put it?" He pointed sharply at him. "And now, Nick and Judy's biggest fan has just proven their innocence!"

Kyle glared daggers at him. "Grrrrr... GRRRRRR...!"

And then he was calm again. "What, you thought I was going to break down? Over this case? Hmph. I may not have a victory, but I still have standards. In fact..." He stood up straight. "I think I'm done here."

Judge Hopkins narrowed her eyes. "Prosecutor VanDal, I have not yet adjourned the court!"

"I didn't say the court. Just me. See ya." Kyle gave a two-fingered salute and headed for the door.

Hopkins was so flustered, she almost couldn't muster a response. "I-I will hold you in contempt!"

"Whatever. This shit isn't even canon."

And then he was gone, the doors slamming shut behind him.

Hopkins pointed her gavel at the bailiffs, then at the doors. They nodded and ran off, to the sound of a brief scuffle before the doors closed again. "Well, as much as I'd prefer to actually convict someone today, I suppose the police will have to find some other suspects. For now, let's get this over with. I hereby find the defendants..."

GUILTY

“Your Honor!”

“Alright, fine!”

NOT GUILTY

Confetti rained down over the courtroom.

Judy hopped up and down in joy, giving a high-four to Nick on one of her ascents. Natasha cheered too, though she didn't fully understand why.

Eric crossed his arms in satisfaction, while Delilah gave a toothy grin.

The prosecution's bench remained empty.

And Judge Hopkins looked down bitterly as Joey celebrated anyway. "Guilty!"

"Eh, I'm not gonna break it to him. Court is adjourned." She brought her gavel down.

SLAM

11:14 AM

Zootopian Central Courthouse - Defendant Lobby No. 3

"Oh sweet truth and justice..." Judy muttered as she flopped onto a bench in the lobby. "Thank goodness that's over."

"Gotta disagree," Nick replied. "We still have no idea who tried to frame us."

"DNA stuff is pretty advanced," Delilah said. "I reckon they'll catch ‘em off of that sample."

Eric nodded. "Indeed. Now, what lesson did we learn from this?" he asked them pointedly, tapping a foot like a disappointed parent.

Nick raised a claw. "When cops hear something suspicious, they should probably go check it out."

Judy joined in, still facedown on the bench. "And not just sit around waiting and doing eff all."

Nick's eyebrows shot up. "Whoa, Carrots! Language!"

"What? It stands for fig."

(And so, this completely unnecessary case came to a close. I didn't think 'an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure' could apply to the legal world, but here we are. It was a bit of a shame that we couldn't bring the real criminals to the stand ourselves, but it turns out that's how it's normally supposed to go? That can't be right.)

(Regardless, I hope these two have learned their lesson. Delilah and I are going back to our own adventures. Tally-ho!)

End

Some Time Later

Just as Eric had said, the forensics team was presently at work trying to suss out the real culprits as expeditiously as possible.

The lab mouse from earlier was scarfing down some Cheez-Its as she waited for the analysis program to do its thing. While the technology was much faster than it had been even a few decades ago, it still wasn’t instant. All this to say, when the computer presented a pop-up of new information, not only did it catch her off guard, but its contents just about made her choke on a cracker. “Motherfu—!”

After finally swallowing, she had to adjust her goggles and read it aloud just to make sure her brain was parsing it correctly.

“One of the culprits was a direct blood relative?!”

…BUT NOT THE END

Welcome to the end of this particular line, everyone! Was this your first route? Your last? Honestly, probably one of those two.

This has been Jack and Zerk, bringing you a lot of sitting around, followed by some courtroom “drama”. In the reasonable chance you had no idea who any of those guys were, but want to see more of them, check out our joint fic, “Badge & O’Possum: Ace Attorneys”!

In the meantime, feel free to jump back to the beginning and pursue that last mystery that you may or may not already know the answer to! Just try to be a bit more proactive this time around.

Chapter Text

This was gonna suck.

“...Alright, everybody,” Judy addressed the passengers, “...we think the… less-dangerous option is to evacuate in-motion.”

Many were shocked and appalled.

“Yeah, yeah, it’ll be rough,” Nick spoke up to cosign, “but you’re better off hurt than dead.”

“Well, what if we don’t want to!?” hollered… somebody, it doesn’t really matter who.

“Fine,” the bunny retorted with an adamant shrug. “Don’t, then.”

“We’re not your parents, we’re just off-duty cops,” the fox added.

That shut him up, whoever that guy was. Or maybe it was a woman?

Look, who cares, enough time had been wasted, and what mattered now was that for those who wanted to take the risk -- which was probably about eighty percent of them -- the two officers were going to do what they could to assist them on their way off, as close to safely as possible. They also worked to get these mammals off as efficiently as they could. Many of them got to the precipice and got cold feet; Nick and Judy would kindly but firmly tell them that they were holding up the line and they needed to either jump or get out of the way; some found the courage to do it when given this ultimatum, others did indeed turn back, but many still were frozen in terror. For those still not moving, the cops would help make their minds up for them by taking their luggage and jettisoning it off the train, after which virtually all of the hesitators finally leapt so as not to be separated from their precious stuff.

They tried to be as smart about it as possible. Many opted to use their seat cushions to break their fall, with varying results. Small children would be cradled in their parents’ arms; older kids would wrap themselves in soft blankets or coats. And it seemed no two passengers had the same philosophy on how to land, and whether hitting the ground on their feet, their knees, their elbows, their shoulderblades, their butts, or their bellies, what worked for one person wouldn’t necessarily work for another. There was much weeping and gnashing of teeth, but after about ten minutes, they had managed to deboard everybody who was willing to do so. Everyone else stayed in their seats, gambling that whatever was to become of this train was the better alternative.

A job well done, Nick and Judy took a breather and gave each other a reassured look that they had done something good. Then they remembered that there were still, like, three or four cars worth of passengers on this train.

This was gonna suck even harder.

Sure enough, when the fox and bunny entered the next cabin, the mammals therein reacted with about as much confusion and hostility as the ones in the previous coach had. They cut the head off that one fast, though:

“We’re not the hijackers!” Judy screamed at the top of her lungs before anybody could even accuse them of being so. “They are imposters trying to frame us, which is why they’re broadcasting it on social media, and if you check their livestreams, you’ll notice that they’re in a different spot than we are right now, and yeah the bunny looks like me but that’s just because she’s my sister, meanwhile that fox looks like he had Marfan’s syndrome or something and looks nothing like Nick, and they’re not even wearing the same clothes as us! So I don’t wanna hear anybody accuse us of being THEM!”

“YEAH!” Nick cheered her on, “I-- wait, what was that about your sister!?”

“We were locked in the Gazelle caboose for over an hour, now we’re here, we just evacuated the last car by having people jump off, yeah a lot of you are gonna get hurt but it’s probably better than what might happen if this train crashes or if my sister and that fox are actually willing to shoot you! It’s your prerogative!”

“J-Judy, I know we’re pressed for time at the moment, but I’d still really like some elucidation about the sister thing--”

“If you wanna take the leap, we’ll help you, if not, stay out of the way of those who do!”

Once again they ushered the brave and willing off the train. There was more weeping, more gnashing of teeth, more fractured antlers and sprained tails. One hiccough, however, was that these standard coaches had no such platform to jump on; the doors between them were designed to open as close to one another as possible with the accordion-like material forming a tunnel between them. They had to ferry the escapees through the previous car to the Gaboose to get people to jump from there.

Third verse, same as the first two. Well, almost; at Nick’s behest, he told Judy to instead implore people to leave their belongings to speed up the evacuation process, just like they tell you to do during an airplane safety demonstration (Judy, country girl that she was, had never actually traveled on an airplane and genuinely didn’t know that was something they told passengers to do in case of emergency). They tried to save time this go-around by ripping off the rubbery accordion thing between cars, but after struggling to make a hole in it, they realized it didn’t get them close enough to the edge to make a safe jump lest someone fall between the cars and get shredded to a gory mess. Teeming with frustration, Nick and Judy brought the passengers all the way back to the Gaboose, the entire time fretting that not only were they running out of time before the hijackers did something, but they were running out of cars until they would ultimately encounter the hijackers themselves.

Going into the fourth car, the fox and bunny would have bet on their lives that their luck was going to run out and that they’d finally face their opposite numbers; when they saw just another car of perplexed and perturbed passengers, Nick and Judy weren’t relieved so much as they were genuinely confused. When were they going to run into these guys? If it turned out that the hijackers had themselves hopped off safely while the train staff was none the wiser, they were gonna be pissed.

They were certainly getting their exercise running through four mostly-empty cars up to whatever remained; they still didn’t actually know how many coaches there were on this train. Between huffs and puffs, they found the words to pose the question to one another as they ran: how much time had elapsed already? And also, how much ground had they covered? Like, physically, how far had the train traveled at this point? Between the time they’d been asleep, the time spent escaping the Gaboose, the time convincing the passengers to disembark and the time it took to actually help them do that… yeah, it was two hundred and eleven miles to Bunnyburrow, but with the speed this train was going, that distance could be covered pretty fast. And while Bunnyburrow was neither the first stop on this route nor the last, knowing that Judy’s sister was involved in this -- Nick still had fifty questions about that, but it’d have to wait -- call it an educated guess that there would be a connection there.

Okay, next car. More passengers? No! Staff! This was the café car, and the railroad employees were huddled behind the counter, hiding from assailants who were still nowhere to be found. Nick and Judy gave them the same explanation about what was going on and what the plan was, but spared a second to ask where the heck the imposters were.

“They’re in the driver’s compartment!” they echoed, pointing down the train to the next door -- the final door, apparently.

“You guys need to get out of here,” said Nick strongly, “we’ll deal with them.”

“Are you armed!?” an employee asked. “Because they are!”

“No, but we’ll figure something out,” Judy said, projecting more confidence than she actually had at that moment.

“W-well, we can’t just abandon ship like that!” said another. “We want to, but it’s not ethical!”

“Man, screw ethics, I’m going!” And about half the employees took off towards the end of the train to make a fateful leap of faith from the Gaboose.

“So you said they’re holed up in the driver’s compartment?” asked Nick. “Is it locked? Will we need a key?”

Rather than speak, several employees fished out their sets of keys and handed them to the fox and bunny, the relevant key singled out on their rings. The officers each took one and went to meet whatever was in there.

Imagine their surprise when they unlocked the door, barged in with no plan other than guerilla improvisation, and all they saw was an old European badger at the helm, his calm expression betrayed by how badly his hands were shaking as they held the acceleration lever.

“Wh-where are they!?” Judy blurted out.

Imagine their further surprise when the operator wasn’t surprised at all. “Ah… you must be the real Hopps and Wilde.”

“Wait, you know already!?” Nick asked skeptically. “Are you in on this too!?”

“Huh!? Oh, nonononono…” the badger answered, struggling to remain composed in the face of such an accusation. “I simply… couldn’t help but overhear those two bicker like a married couple.”

“Okay -- what exactly is preventing you from slowing this train down?” the bunny demanded.

“A promise that any attempts to do so would result in a bullet being delivered directly into my brain, as well as the brains of many of my passengers.”

“W-well they’re not here right now, so slow down!” the fox ordered.

The driver’s conflicted expression made it clear that he wanted to, he really did -- but he didn’t.

“Are you deaf!?” Nick barked, uncharacteristically impatient. “Slow down! If that draws them out, we’ll get them!”

But the badger just blinked at his paw on the handle. “It-it’s not you I distrust, Officers -- it’s them.”

“Well, where are they!?” Judy demanded.

“...In the lavatory,” the old driver said mournfully. “Waiting for you.”

He pointed to the back of the compartment; there was a single private restroom for the operator. Its door was closed, and a closer inspection would show that its latch read “OCCUPIED”.

Nick saw a hole in this story; he spun around to face the lavatory fully. “Then why haven’t they jumped out at us by now--!?”

Judy, however, saw no such inconsistency. In her head, this was the exact moment her sister and that lanky tod were going to pop out and ambush them. And proactive as she was, she sprinted towards the door and leapt. Hey, remember that kick she used in the movie to knock out the rhino in the training montage? Yeah, that’s how she kicked that door open in one fell swoop.

She thought the adrenaline was blinding her. She looked around the small space, looking for where Jolene and that fox could be hiding. But by the time Nick had ran over and arrived, Judy had regained enough composure to see that, no, they weren’t in here.

But the driver likely hadn’t been lying to them; the poor old badger probably just didn’t know about the jagged gaping hole where the window used to be.

“THEY DID ESCAPE!” the bunny hollered in frustration.

“CHIEF!” the fox barked. “They’re gone, you can slow the train down!”

But the operator still didn’t. “I… They must be somewhere else.”

“No, dude, the window’s broken, they clearly escaped!” Nick continued while a catatonic Judy was speechless that the perpetrators had gotten away.

“I-I don’t believe that,” the driver stuttered.

“What do you--!? Judy, back me up here!”

Judy turned to face the driver, but couldn’t see his face -- not for issues of vision, but of concentration. She saw past him through the windshield. They’d passed a lot of farms and country roads, but the ones she could see looked far more familiar than the rest. And there, in the distance, she could faintly make out the Bunnyburrow train station -- sitting right at the far side of a sharp bend in the tracks.

“S-sir!” Judy stammered. “We’re coming up on a curve before town! You have to slow down or we’re gonna crash!”

“Th-that’s what they want you to think.”

“WHY WOULD THEY WANT US TO THINK THAT!?”

“So that I’ll slow down and they can have an excuse to kill us…” the badger moped, his tone reminiscent of a eulogy.

The town was fast approaching, and one could start to make out a crowd waiting on the station’s platform. Nick could see it too.

“It’s right there, man, just hit the brakes!”

“I have to go down with my ship…” the driver murmured. “I can’t endanger my passengers like that.”

Judy was losing her mind. “You’re going to endanger everyone if you don’t slow down--!”

“Judy.”

She turned and saw Nick at the rear door, ready to run for it.

“This is useless, we’re no good to anybody dead, let’s get ourselves off and get the rest of us to follow!”

The poor bunny just wanted this bad dream to be over with already.

The duo sprinted as fast as they could through the cars, hollering at the remaining passengers that a major derailment was imminent and that they’d best follow them if they wanted to live. They both felt so cowardly saving themselves instead of doing more to save them, but they’d already done as much as they could and were simply spent on bravery. They’d rather live with the guilt than die meaninglessly.

They got out of the final car and onto the Gaboose’s platform. Judy hopped into Nick’s arms and they jumped into the great unknown. The landing was rough, but not mortal; they were badly bruised, but nothing was broken. A few last-minute passengers followed them off, and the officers watched a trail of mammals fall from the train as it barrelled on into the distance, until it came to roll like a barrel instead as it hit the curve. The screams they heard as the locomotive and its coaches piled into the Bunnyburrow station building would echo in their ears for the rest of their lives.

The investigation concluded that Officers Hopps and Wilde had done all they could, and if anything had gone above and beyond to save as many passengers as they could. That didn’t make them feel much better when there were still dozens of holdouts injured or killed on the train, but compare that to the exactly zero fatalities among the ones the duo had inspired to jump off the train, and they did still get a sliver of solace knowing that they’d save most of the mammals at risk and that it could have been so, so much worse.

Most, but not all, of the people on the train platform saw the runaway train and got out of the way; this included most, but not all, of Judy’s family waiting for her at the station. Half a dozen of her siblings suffered severe injuries, but none died; others were not so lucky. This included many inside the stationhouse who did not see it coming and several in the vicinity struck by flying debris. Again, lamentable, but one need remember that the list of casualties could have easily been much, much longer.

The toughest part, logistically speaking, was officially confirming that the hijackers were not actually Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde. Even when it became fairly obvious to authorities, officially certifying the fact beyond the shadow of a doubt was a challenge. It was less of a headache for Nick, as cross-referencing footage of the vulpine hijacker with him showed the two weren’t as physically similar as initially thought; Judy, however, was a much more difficult task because she did resemble the lapine criminal so much. What it ultimately boiled down to was getting dozens of members of the Hopps clan and other Bunnyburrow denizens to observe the footage under police observation and affirming that the terrorist was not Judy but was indeed their neighbor, their cousin, their sister, their daughter, Jolene -- as much as they didn’t want to admit it. The next few holiday family get-togethers were rather tense after that. Investigators tried valiantly to search the wreckage for DNA samples to corroborate this, just for thoroughness’s sake, but that fire and those explosions did a good job of obliterating any such evidence.

The two framed officers did eventually have their names cleared and were able to return to work, but from that point forward, they were encouraged to split up and work with other partners, and to stay out of the public spotlight in general. It wasn’t fair to them, but the best motive the ZPD could come up with for Jolene and the mysterious fox was simple jealousy, so if that could happen once, who’s to say it wouldn’t happen again -- after all, with how vast that family was, it wasn’t statistically absurd to assume Jolene wasn’t the only one who’d be liable to act out in such a violent way. We could go into the details of how Nick and Judy’s policing careers unfolded after that, but all that matters is that, while it certainly wasn’t as enjoyable or fulfilling as before, they at least had one another after their shifts. And in time, they were able to forgive themselves for not doing even more that day -- and Judy forgave herself for the sin of being her sister’s sister.

As for said sister and the fox she ran with? I will not lie, we don’t know their fate for certain and anything I can tell you is ultimately conjecture. But hey, we love conjecture, now don’t we? Don’t quote me on this, but rumor has it that Jolene and that tall tod actually collected a good haul during their plunder and fled the country with it. Word on the street is that they’re currently vegging out on a beach somewhere in Cuba right now, and that the locals are trying to break the language barrier so they can beg them to knock it off with the PDAs.

Chapter Text

Cherry Pie 🍒🥧
(Just like Gramma used to make!)

1.5 Hours

Ingredients:
- Dough
- Flour
- Salt
- Sugar
- Shortening
- Cornstarch
- Cherry juice
- Cinnamon
- Nutmeg
- Almond extract
- Love
And of course… cherries!

…Hello?

You’ll want to begin by putting a large saucepan on the stove; we’ll be boiling the filling first! Start with mixing the sugar and cornstarch; light brown sugar can be used in a pinch, but dark brown is too overpowering. The cornstarch is needed to thicken the mixture so the filling won’t be runny when sliced open.

W-wait, Judy!? Is that you!?

Then, slowly add the cherry juice, stirring it in until the mixture is smooth. Bring this to a boil, and cook until thickened; this should take about two minutes. Don’t forget to keep stirring as you cook it!

Nick! There you are! I… or, wait… where is “there”? Heck, where is “here”?

Next, remove the saucepan from the heat. It’s time to add the cherries! It’s okay if the cherries are frozen if they’re out of season; they work just as well as fresh cherries! Don’t worry, throw them right in!

I was gonna say, I can’t see you, but then I realized… I can’t see me, either.

Cherries are sweet and delicious, but you can enhance the flavor further with some spice friends! Add cinnamon and nutmeg to give a hearty warmth to your pie filling.

I… gosh, I can’t either. What happened!? I-I mean… I’m sure you don’t know either, but, like… wh-what’s the last thing you remember?

But now it’s time for the secret ingredient to really give your pie a kick! Did you know that cherries are what’s known as a stone fruit? These come from a family of trees with the same name, and a cousin of cherries is almonds! Throw some almond extract in with the spices; you’ll be surprised by how cherries and almonds taste similar enough to compliment each other, but different enough to not be redundant!

Last thing I remember? Uh… pretty sure it was me falling at terminal velocity for so long that I passed out from the G-forces, aaand then I woke up here. What about you?

Stir all your ingredients together. This is a great time to make a point to add a little love to your pie! Don’t just treat the pie like you’re making it for a loved one -- treat it like it IS a loved one! Nurture the ingredients as you mix them together as you’d nurture your own child, giving them words of encouragement that they will make a lot of people very happy.

Um… pretty much the same, but I don’t think it was the G-forces that knocked me out so much as… screaming for so long that I ran out of breath. B-but that doesn’t matter. Do you have any idea where we are? Like, a guess even?

It’s time for the dough! Get a large bowl and mix all-purpose flour with salt as you add shortening until the mixture has a crumbly texture. Add cold water by the tablespoon and gently toss the mixture with a fork until it begins shaping itself into a ball.

Did we, like… ACTUALLY die this time? Like, are we ghosts? Are we loose subconsciouses unbridled from our corporeal beings?

Take the ball and divide it almost in half, but a bit unevenly, so one is a bit bigger than the other. Resist the urge to squeeze these balls!

Normally I’d say that sounds dramatic, but… gosh, your guess is as good as mine at this point.

The larger dough ball will be the bottom crust. Lay it out on a lightly-floured surface and get your rolling pin. Be certain to apply pressure so it flattens evenly and there are no lumps.

Do you hear somebody talking?

When thoroughly flattened, apply the dough to a 9-inch pie plate. Trim the edges so it fits evenly.

Talking?

Pour in the filling, and spread it out so it fills the dough evenly. This is another great opportunity to put a little of yourself into your dish! Try breathing into the hole with your mouth to put a bit of your soul into the pastry.Spitting into the mix can also ensure a part of you will always be in this pie on a chemical level. Maybe tell the pie a secret to bond with it!

Okay, not so much talking, but like… words are just running through my mind like an epiphany or something.

Now it’s time to prepare the top layer of dough! It begins the same as the bottom layer, rolling it out on a floured surface until perfectly flat. Don’t be bashful about applying pressure; crush those lumps like he crushed your dreams.

Phew, I thought it was just me. But… also, NOT phew, because… um…

But now we get to the fun part! With a pizza cutter, slice the dough into strips about half an inch wide. Arrange these in a grid pattern atop the pie, with space in between each strip for the pie to breathe. The trick to weaving the dough strips together is to go one by one, folding one over another at every intersection. Don’t be intimidated, you can do this!

“Because, um,” what?

But if this seems too hard or like too much work, that’s okay, don’t beat yourself up about it! A regular layer of dough can be used all the same; that slob probably won’t even notice what the pie looks like as he’s shoving it down his gullet. Just be sure to remember to add holes to the top layer so that steam can escape.

…I think we’re in a cherry pie recipe.

We’re ready to bake! Have the oven preheated to 450°F; if you forgot to preheat the oven, that’s okay, this will all be over soon! Pop the pie in the oven and cook at first for ten minutes. Then -- and this is the trick! -- lower the temperature to 375°F. For best results, don’t open the oven as you do this. Keep cooking until golden brown; you can expect this to take 45 to 50 minutes.

Wait, what!?

Let the pie cool on a wire rack, and congratulations! Your cherry pie is ready to serve!

…Oh my God, we are.

Cut open a slice and serve it on your nicest dish, one fit for a last meal. He’ll be waiting in the living room watching TV, sitting on the same couch he sat on with her. Give him that warm slice of pie with an even warmer smile! Don’t forget to bring your rolling pin!

Hmph, I would have preferred apple pie.

If he asks why you’re standing there watching him eat, tell him you’re just eager to see what he thinks of it! Watch the look on his face as the flavors dance on his tongue; you’ll see surprise wash over him as he gets the nuttiness of that almond extract! Like most people, he likely isn’t aware that cherries and almonds are related stone fruits, so he would never see it coming that you preyed upon his tree nut allergy!

Don’t you mean… blueberry pie? Heh. Heh…. um…

But if the stupid son of a bitch doesn’t know what almonds taste like from a lifetime of not eating them, that’s alright! If he swallows the bite instead of spitting it out, relish in his expression as he begins choking on the pits you never removed from the cherries!

Really? I enjoy blueberries in front of you ONCE years ago and you still think they’re my favorite food now, always, and forever? C’mon, I don’t assume you genuinely would rather eat carrots than any other food on the planet.

There’s also a good chance that, even if he does recognize the taste of almonds, he may instinctively swallow the bite anyway out of shock! Imagine the look on his face as he asphyxiates while also going through anaphylactic shock! It’ll be the most romantic look he’s given you in years.

Hey, I’m just trying to add some humor to a… weird situation. And… I mean, you’d be right, carrots ARE my favorite food.

You may also stab him in the eye with his EpiPen, but this is optional and some may find it counterproductive. Once he’s completely incapacitated, begin beating him about the head with your rolling pin whenever you’re ready! You can beat hard, soft, fast, or slow to taste. With him now completely lacking control in the situation, this is when you can finally ask him who the hell is Kim?

I thought carrots had a really high glycemic index or something and were actually really bad for you guys?

Who the hell is Kim?

Well, Finnick’s favorite drink is whiskey, do you think that just because it’s his favorite that he’s under any impressions that it’s not unhealthy for him?

Who the hell is Kim?

Okay, point taken, but… yeah, forgive me, but I am REALLY not in the mood for chuckles right now. Like… how do we get out of this? DO we get out of this? Is this just our lives now? Or our AFTERlives?

Who the hell is Kim?

I… I haven’t the foggiest.

Who the hell is Kim?

God, I KNEW I shoulda tried converting to Buddhism instead of Islam, but the only thing I know about Nirvana is that he was lying about not having a gun.

Who the hell is Kim?

Well, uh… at least we’re in this together? And have each other for company?

Who the hell is Kim?

Yeah, and I’m sure Natalia or Natasha or whatever that giraffe girl’s name was would get a kick out of this and write really age-inappropriate fanfiction about us kissing while we’re shapeless beings of light who exist outside of time. Hmph.

Who the hell is Kim?

I’m just trying to make the best of this, Nick.

Who the HELL is Kim?

…Man, now I REALLY could go for some apple pie. I miss having a mouth.

If your blows reach his brain and red stuff comes out, be sure to collect this to make another cherry pie with a special twist to serve to the police when they show up! In the meantime, take pride in a job well done, having done to your husband what your grandma wanted to your grandpa but never found the courage to go through with.

And a stomach.

You’ve truly made a treat that would make your ancestors proud, and absolve you of the innate sin of descending from one of the eleven children Gramma couldn’t possibly have wanted!

Turn to Chapter 69.

Chapter Text

Before Judy had a chance to respond, Nick grabbed for Billy’s phone.

Judy, however, was faster. Just as Nick wrapped his fingers around the phone, she swatted her paw at his. A moment later, the phone dropped to the floor.

“God, you’re worse than my mother!” she huffed. “We don’t have any time to charge it anyway. We need to get to the engine and stop these two lunatics before the train derails. At this point, we’re on our own.”

Nick looked back down at Billy, who just shrugged. He gave an aggravated sigh.

“Fine, point taken. Let’s get moving.”

“Billy, you just stay here,” Judy said. “This is arguably the safest room on the train right now. We’ll be back once this whole situation gets worked out.”

“Good luck,” he said. “And be careful. Like I said, they’re both armed.”

“Right.” Nick and Judy nodded at each other and opened the door back into the passenger car. They slipped immediately out through the train car door and fought the rushing wind to get to the next car forward, the one that Billy said was the sightseeing car. They pulled the door open.

Nick poked his head into the car and looked around. The car was mostly empty, save a few rows of seats that were facing the gigantic windows that flanked the sides of the car. Nobody was inside right now.

The feeling of Judy’s paws on his ears interrupted him. A second later, the bunny spread his ears apart, lay her muzzle on his forehead, and took a quick look around of her own. “Okay, the coast is clear,” she whispered. With one final smirk, she withdrew her head back and gave Nick an encouraging pat on his shoulder–which also served as a gentle push.

Nick stumbled into the car. Under different circumstances, he might have appreciated the scenery that flew past outside the windows. The sun was beginning to set, bathing the countryside in beautiful shades of gold and orange.

Unfortunately, Nick didn’t have the luxury of admiring the view. Time was of the essence. He set his focus on the next car forward, which according to Billy was the baggage car.

“Such a shame that we don’t have time to really admire the view,” Judy commented as she came up behind him, looking out at the sky and scenery flying past the windows. “This really would have been a nice way to wind down the trip.”

“Well, let’s keep that in mind for the trip back after we bag these two imposters and send them off to jail,” Nick replied.

Judy cracked her knuckles. “Sounds like a good plan to me.”

They covered the length of the sightseeing car in just a minute. With no mammals to dodge or obstacles to navigate, it didn’t take long to get to the other side.

“Okay,” Nick said before pulling the door open. “Let’s make a game plan before we get through the baggage car. If I were these guys, I’d be using it as a buffer to keep from getting snuck up on.”

Judy nodded. “It’s bound to be an absolute mess in there now with how fast the train has been going. I wouldn’t be surprised if there are bags and duffels and suitcases everywhere.”

“So let’s do this. We all know I’m the one with the most emotional baggage I can stand to unload, so I’ll go in first and assess the situation.”

Judy looked skeptical. “You think you can clear a path through that baggage while you’re there or are you just gonna add to it?”

Nick put his paw to his chest. “Ouch. I’m genuinely hurt, Carrots.”

She smirked. “I mean, you’re the one who set that up for me. You have no one to blame here but yourself.”

“Touché.”

“But I don’t disagree with you anyway. One of us should stay back while the other scouts out the car and gets an idea of what to expect, then come back with more information we can use to get to the engine car. If we both get ambushed, then it’s game over.”

“Exactly.” Nick put his paw on the door handle. “Okay, stay here out of sight for now. I’ll be back in about five minutes once I get a good look around the baggage car.”

“Carefully.”

“Yes, I’ll be careful. If I’m not back then you can be a hero bun and come rescue me or call in the cavalry. Whichever you decide.” He stooped and locked eyes with hers, a stony expression on his face. “But seriously, come save me, I don’t want to be a hostage to some freakish abomination fox, be the rabbit you were always meant to be.”

Judy rolled her eyes, but still smiled. “I’ll take care of it, come what may.”

“We got this.” They fist bumped and Nick added a salute. “See you on the other side, Carrots.”

She returned the salute. “Good luck and Godspeed, Slick.”

Nick yanked the door open as Judy ducked out of sight. From here, at least for now, he was on his own.

He carefully stepped over a fallen duffel bag–pausing for a moment to wonder who in their right mind would travel with five bowling balls–and leaned against a tall crate for support while he recovered his balance. He eyed the proverbial mine field that still stood between him and the door to the engine car ahead, trying to mentally plan out his route. There were a few suitcases, a big brown box, several purses for mammals of all sizes, and even a stuffed bunny that almost reminded him of Judy–except for the stake that was shoved straight through the toy rabbit’s ears. That was the final obstacle in his way, lying right at the threshold of the door, almost as if it was warning him what awaited him on the other side.

He shrugged. “Meh,” he murmured, and then he raised his foot to start walking again.

The door at the end suddenly opened, and before he could react, someone strolled into the car. His eyes widened at the sight: it was a red fox, one that looked almost identical to him, except this one was so monstrously huge he could put Goliath to shame. He practically had to duck his head in order to enter the car properly, though his head was currently turned around as he called to someone behind him.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m on it. What do you think I am, dumb or something?”

He turned back around. His eyes landed on Nick immediately. He froze. “Uh-oh spaghetti-o.”

Nick had to fight off a snort. “That’s it? That’s the best you’ve got? You’re up here terrorizing the train, tarnishing my good name, and all you can say when I catch you is ‘Uh-oh spaghetti-o’?”

The other fox’s face grew pale underneath his red fur. “You…know about that?”

“Of course I know about that! I know about everything.” Nick smirked and crossed his arms confidently. “Yep. Everything.” He nodded his head. “Every single little detail. I haven’t missed a single thing. I know all about you and your plan.”

“So…” The fox gulped. “You know about how me and Jolene are gonna crash this train and kill everyone on it?”

Nick blinked. “Uh…yes?”

“And that we’re doing it to frame you and Jolene’s sister as revenge for stealing Jolene’s spotlight?”

“Wait, sister?”

“And that we’re going to take all the money we stole and use it to run away to Pawaii where we’ll get married and live happily ever after once this is all over?” The fox gasped and threw his paws over his mouth. “Oh, wait, I haven’t told Jolene that part yet…” His eyes widened. “But you figured it out already?!”

Nick struggled to say anything at all in response to that. All he could do for several seconds was stutter as his mind worked in vain to fully understand all that had just been told to him.

Finally, however, he managed to regain his composure enough to take a step forward. “Okay, listen up, pal. Here’s how this is gonna go: I’m going to arrest you, and you’re going to help me arrest Jolene. Nobody’s gonna die today, okay? Now, if you can just raise your paws where I can see them–” He bit his tongue, fighting off a joke about how impossible to miss they would be anyway. “And I’ll recite your rights just as soon as I grab my cuffs and…”

He reached down to his belt, but felt nothing. He quickly brushed his paw against his other side, but there was nothing there either. Somehow, the eccentric fox’s words had caught him so off-guard, he forgot for a second he was still wearing his civilian clothes. No officer uniform. No pawcuffs.

And no way to protect himself against the monstrous paws that slugged him right in the chest.

Nick’s police training kicked in. Acting on instinct rather than thought, he caught his balance and lunged back at the other fox. Even though the fox was freakishly tall–probably worthy of an entry in Yipley’s Believe It or Not–he clearly did not have the kind of skills Nick had. He was only able to meet Nick’s controlled attacks with clumsy punches and pushes. After a few seconds, he changed tactics and threw his arms around Nick, who struggled to get free.

The tussle only lasted for a brief moment. It ended when the other fox tripped over his own tail. Startled, he flung his paws through the air, desperately trying to grab something to correct his balance. The only thing he managed to grab was Nick’s tie, and unfortunately for both of them, that was not enough.

The next thing Nick knew, he was stumbling forward against his will, pulled by the freakishly large fox towards the far corner of the train car. The fox’s two left feet refused to recover, and despite Nick’s best efforts, there was nothing he could do except watch what happened next.

The other fox somehow managed to trip over his tail again, and this time, he practically threw the two of them through the air with his flinching. Nick was briefly aware of a doorknob flying past his snout, before his head connected firmly with something solid. It wasn’t a strong enough blow to render him unconscious, but it still hurt like his 4th-grade P.E. class and temporarily knocked out his vision.

After blinking a few times, however, his vision did not return. He waved a paw in front of his face, and to his horror, he could not see it. He waved it again, this time frantically, and still he could not see.

He did encounter resistance, and a sharp moan sounded somewhere underneath him. “Hey, watch it!” the other fox groaned. “I know we’re locked in a closet together, but there’s no need to get all pawsy about it!”

Nick paused. “We’re…?”

He twisted his body in the direction he thought would be down—or at least, down-ish—and squinted through the darkness. Sure enough, a crack of light indicated the bottom of the closet door. Relief rushed through him as he realized he was not blind after all. He was just locked in a closet with this freak of nature fiend.

He was… locked in a closet… with this freak of nature fiend…

The other fox’s tail brushed against his face. “So,” he asked in a much quieter voice. “My name’s Eddie, but Jolene calls me Ned. What’s yours, handsome?”

If you understand that free will is an illusion, turn to CHAPTER 70.
If you still believe that free will is real, no it isn’t, turn to CHAPTER 70 anyway.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Judy thumped her foot impatiently on the floor, glancing at the clock on the wall next to her. Nick was supposed to have been back one minute ago. It was only a minute, but that was still a minute too long. It should have been a simple scout ahead. The fact that he wasn’t back yet meant that something must have happened.

She wasn’t waiting any longer to find out.

She leapt forward, turning the handle of the door before barging in. The next room was a complete mess. Bags of all sizes were strewn about everywhere, some with their contents completely spilled out all over the cabin. There were so many things that Judy couldn’t even list them all: A mountain of jackets, some audio equipment, children’s toys…

A soft squeak beneath her feet caused her to jump back. She looked down to see a stuffed bunny that looked eerily like her–with the only difference being the stake that was driven through the stuffed bunny’s ears. Judy grimaced, hoping that wasn’t an omen of things to come.

She gently pushed the stuffed bunny aside with her feet before continuing on forward. There were probably thousands of items in the cabin, but there was still no sign of Nick.

“Nick?” she whispered as softly as she could, hoping that he was just hiding in one of the piles of bags. No response. She wasn’t sure if the mess was evidence of a struggle, or if it was just because of the train.

She opened her mouth to call out for Nick again, but she stopped herself short. Her ears perked up. Someone was coming from the opposite end of the car, and fast. Judy quickly dove into one of the piles of clothes nearby. She barely managed to get behind a large brown piece of luggage as the door at the other end burst open.

“Ned! Ned, where the hell are you?! You’d better not be sleeping in here somewhere!” 

Judy remained silent, not moving an inch. The footsteps began to get closer.

“Ned, if I find you napping in one of these piles, I swear, I’m going to stick a fork so far up your ass that you won’t be sitting for a week!”

Wait, this voice…Judy thought. That harsh tone, those crass choice of words, they were all very familiar. Her brow furrowed as she tried to figure out who it was. But before she could, the footsteps stopped right beside her. Judy could see a pair of rabbit legs, but nothing more because of the oversized scarf that was covering her head. Thankfully, the unknown bunny was facing away from her, pulling apart one of the piles of clothes nearby. 

Judy quietly slipped out from her hiding spot before the other bunny moved over to her pile. But as she stepped out, her foot caught on the edge of a displaced box, which had been holding up a pile of cardboard boxes. The entire pile came crashing down, and Judy barely managed to dodge out of the way.

The other bunny’s ears flicked, instantly swiveling towards her. The other bunny’s head followed a moment later. When both bunnies’ gazes met, both their eyes widened instantly.

“AHHHHH!!” They both yelled simultaneously. The mystery bunny standing in front of Judy was one she knew all too well.

“Jolene?! Jolene, is that you?” Judy gasped.

“So, you finally decided to show up, huh?” Jolene replied. “Well, it’s about time–”

“I can’t believe it! I didn’t know you got tickets to the Gaboose too! How did you even get one? Wait, are you here alone? Did anyone else from our family come along?”

Jolene blinked, incredulous. It was a good couple of seconds before she finally answered: “...You’re joking, right?”

“Oh my gosh, you’re right! This is no time for that! Sis, you need to get out of here! The train has been hijacked–though I guess you already know that by now. I don’t know what the hijackers want, but there’s two of them, and they could be right around here. We’re all in a lot of danger right now.”

“Oh, you definitely are. And it’s about time that I–”

“We’ll have to catch up later, Sis. I’d text you, but my phone kinda fell off the train. It’s a long story. Hey, would you still happen to have your phon–”

“THAT’S IT!” Jolene yelled, louder than Judy ever expected. “You’re doing it again! You always do this! You won’t even let me finish a single sentence!”

Judy blinked, taking a small step backwards.

“Jolene…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cut you off, but I really don’t have time to do this right now. I need to find the hijackers and–”

“–You’re looking at her!” Jolene fired back.

Judy blinked again.

“Jo, this isn’t the time for jokes. People’s lives are at stake here! There’s a couple of mammals impersonating me and my friend Nick. I don’t know who they are, but they’re probably a fox and bunny like myself. And it’s not like…you…look like me…” she trailed off.

“So it finally got through your thick skull, eh?” the other grey bunny finished for her, looking quite amused all of a sudden. “What a country we live in, where all your dreams can come true as long as you work hard–even if you’re as dumb as a rock…”  

Now that Judy was able to take a good look at her, the stark truth hit her like the train she was standing in. “But…but you can’t be! You would never!” She immediately retorted. She tried taking a step towards Jolene, but she stopped short as her sister–her own flesh and blood–pulled out something from behind her that made Judy’s blood run cold.

It was a gun.

“Oh, you don’t know how long I’ve waited for this.” Jolene’s amused smirk curled up into a grin. “That’s right, that’s the face I wanted to see. What do you have to say now, sister?”

There was nothing Judy could say. She took a step backwards, her eyes still trained on the weapon in her sister’s paws. She wanted to believe that it was a realistic prop, but her senses were telling her this was the real deal.

“Why?! Why are you doing this?” Judy finally managed to yell out.

“You mean it isn’t obvious? Are you really that stupid? God, they really let any two-bit hare-for-brains join the force, now don’t they?” Jolene took a step forward, making Judy retreat further back. 

“I don’t get it; we were never enemies, Sis! I hardly even see you at all! What did I ever do to you?”

“It’s you! You’re the reason my life is like this! You’re the reason everything is like this! You and your ‘never give up’ attitude, taking insane risks, making stupid decisions…it makes me sick!” Jolene looked like she was physically about to retch. “You can mess up, bumble your way through life, and somehow still get away with everything!”

“Sure, I make lots of mistakes, but what does that have to do with you?!” Judy immediately fired back.

“It’s not what you did to me! It’s what you did to everyone!” she hissed. Judy still had no idea what Jolene was talking about, but there was a bitter iciness in her sister’s voice that made it clear beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was being serious about this. 

“Sis…what are you talking about?” Judy asked slowly. 

“Because of you–” Jolene thrusted the gun towards her, as if to accentuate the point. “–Bunnies don’t just ‘settle’ anymore. Why would they, when little ol’ Judy Hopps managed to become the first ever rabbit cop in Zootopia? When a simple farming bunny managed to crack the biggest conspiracy in years? Now everyone thinks that they can do crazy dangerous things. And when they do, you know what happens to them?”

As she said the last sentence, there was a sudden crack in Jolene’s voice. Saying it seemed to be physically painful for her. Jolene gritted her teeth.

“...They don’t come back.”

Oh no. No no. There was a sinking feeling in the pit of Judy’s stomach.

“Jolene…do you mean that…no, it couldn’t…who was it?”

Her sister didn’t answer, though from the look on her face, Judy could narrow down the number of candidates to a select few.

“It doesn’t matter! He had so many hopes and dreams. There were so many things he wanted to do–that he promised me he’d do! But he wanted to follow in your footsteps to ‘show that bunnies can do much more than what folks think we can’. I told him not to do it. I told him it was dangerous! And do you know what he said to me? ‘Don’t worry, Jo. If your sister can do it, so can I! It’ll just be for a couple of months, and then I’ll be right back with you.’”

Jolene’s breathing began to grow heavy.

“That was the last thing I ever heard him say. Now he’s gone. All because he believed in you.”

“Jolene…” Judy whispered. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you were going through this. I never wanted to get anybody hurt. I didn’t become a cop because I wanted to prove bunnies could do dangerous things. I did it because–”

“–You wanted to make the world a better place? Spare me the sob story. That self-righteousness is what I hate about you the most!” Jolene hissed, the anger returning to her in full force. “Sorry isn’t going to bring him back! No matter what I do for the rest of my life, I’ll never be able to see him again!”

She suddenly paused, her diatribe interrupted by the catching of her words in her throat.

“Every time I close my eyes, I can still see him there…and then I wake up and remember that he’s never coming back.”

She clenched her fists now.

“I can’t bring him back, but there’s still one thing I can do. I’m going to make sure no one else is ever stupid enough to listen to you again!”

“So that’s it, huh?” Judy replied, in a tone that was far calmer than what she was actually feeling. “You’re going to kill me now to get revenge for him?”

Jolene paused, hanging her head for a moment with her eyes closed. And then, she laughed. It was a low, slow, guttural laugh, like something that would have come from a Saturday morning cartoon villain. Judy would probably have made fun of her sister for that, if it wasn’t for the lethal weapon that was still pointed at her face.

“No, Sis. I’m not going to kill you. If I wanted that, do you think I would have gone through all this trouble to orchestrate this whole thing? No, killing you wouldn’t change anything at all,” Jolene said. “I’m going to let you live, so that you take the fall for this whole thing. Once I’m done ruining your reputation, everyone will stop looking up to you as a role model. That should kill off any more reckless stunts; no bunny is ever going to do anything stupid like you, ever again.”

A chill ran up Judy’s spine as the realisation finally hit her. It was surprisingly sound reasoning, considering how ludicrous the entire hijacking plan was. 

“So that’s why you impersonated me and Nick…”

“It was a lot easier than expected, I’ll tell you that much; the people on this train are a lot stupider than I gave them credit for. But you know, things would be a lot easier if a certain moronic oversized fox would be here right about now!” Jolene shouted at the top of her voice into the cabin.

The bags did not answer.

“Goddamn it, I swear I’m gonna kill that fox…” Jolene grumbled, before she stomped her feet on the ground, her teeth gritted. With her gun still trained on Judy, she turned her head around behind her, towards the front of the train.

“Ned! I’m giving you three seconds to get in here, wherever the hell you are, or so help me I’m going to put a new hole in your head–”

The instant Jolene’s eyes traveled away, Judy instantly reacted. She lunged forward, kicking the gun straight out of Jolene’s paws. The gun sailed through the air, bouncing off the wall of the cabin before neatly dropping right into a pile of children’s toys.

“Gah! Damn it!” she hissed, taking a step back.

“That’s enough, Jolene! Just stop, please! We can talk about this!” Judy pleaded, though she still kept her guard up, just in case her sister had another weapon up her sleeve.

Now disarmed, Jolene took a step back. She likely knew she couldn’t take Judy in a head-on fight, not when Judy was far better trained than her. She immediately turned tail and ran towards the front of the train. Judy immediately gave chase, but a sudden rumble from the train caused her to stumble and trip over an old blanket on the ground. She quickly picked herself up, but Jolene was already too far away.

She thought about retrieving the gun that she’d kicked away earlier, but that probably wasn’t necessary, since her sister was already unarmed. And carrying a weapon would likely make it less likely for Judy to be able to get through to her.

She decided to continue pursuing her sister towards the front of the train. As she passed a closet on her left, she suddenly heard the sounds of muffled knocking coming from inside.

Judy knew she didn’t have time to waste, but the banging on the inside of the closet was starting to get louder…

Should Judy stop to open the closet?

Option 1: Ignore it, Jolene needs to be stopped! Chapter 80!

Option 2: It could be important, open the closet door! Chapter 84!

Chapter Text

“WAIT!” Judy said sharply, paws up to implore them to hear her out. “W-wait, we can talk this out!”

The robbers each raised an eyebrow as they raised their pistols; they were on the offense, but they were listening.

Nick followed Judy’s lead; he had faith in his silver tongue. “Listen… we don’t know you, we don’t know why you’re doing this or what you want from it… but we wanna know. So, we insist: just tell us what’s up--”

BANG.

BANG.

And as the officer’s bodies fell limply to the floor, their thoughts and consciousness pouring out of the gushing wounds in their former foreheads, the fox bandit was simply confused.

“You really weren’t interested in hearing them out, were you?” he asked; he was emotionally prepared for a moment like this, as they’d anticipated it likely would, but he hadn’t expected it to be so sudden and anticlimactic.

“God, she’s always been so annoying!” the rascally rabbit grumbled as she glared at her lifeless littermate. “‘Nyeh, let’s be nice and talk this out,’ this ain’t a movie!”

“I mean, I would have joined you if I knew you were ready to go for it.”

“Spur-of-the-moment decision. The world can’t see us and them in the same place or the ruse is ruined.”

Despite the rumbling of the train, Eddie and Jolene could hear a sharp whimper of fear from behind the snack bar.

“And that reminds me…” the bunny said as she walked around the end of the counter. “Can’t have any eyewitnesses.”

The fox joined her in going behind the café barricade and unloading their ammo into the staff, the only other mammals who concretely knew that the terrorists were not Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps. Their original plans spoiled, they had to improvise. The duo found some garbage bags and stuffed the cops’ corpses inside; it wouldn’t completely erase evidence that the real ones weren’t the culprits, but it would make proving it this much harder to prove. They also used this opportunity to drag the body of the smallest employee, the weasel, to the front of the train and show the badger operator what would become of him if he dared slow down, ever.

Garbage bags in hand, the large fox tucked and rolled as he jumped from the moving train, as did the bunny shortly afterwards, but only after she ignited an emergency bomb that she’d readied specifically for a situation like this, made of common household items you can also learn to use for terroristic purposes by visiting your local library. The café car exploded shortly after she jumped; fortunately for our villains, the ensuing derailment of all the other cars did not result in them getting crushed as they swiftly got clear of the blast zone.

Not everyone aboard the train died, but enough did for it to make international news. While a formal investigation did find some signs that the hijackers may not have actually been Hopps and Wilde, there was not nearly enough of it to posthumously clear their names, most notably the absence of the perpetrators’ bodies to see exactly who they were. Any survivors who claimed there were two foxes and two rabbits could not be legally regarded as reliable sources as a consequence of the brain damage they all suffered in the wreck. The fact of the matter is that the families of the victims wanted answers, so the official conclusion was that the act was committed by Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde.

Zootopia freaked out. The police department scrubbed any press about them from existence that they could get their paws on. It was not law, but it was understood that nobody was to speak of them ever again. But speak of them many did, as conspiracy theories arose in every logical direction. Some said that Hopps and Wilde had been framed by mammals in league with Bellwether, while others posited that it really was the famous duo and that this had always been their endgame after joining the police and gaining the powers that come with that. There was also the troubling phenomenon of, as often happens after acts of mass murders, teenagers and young adults deifying Hopps and Wilde for their brazen boldness and frank attractive bodies; one high-profile story saw a fifteen-year-old vixen expelled from school after her teacher caught her doodling risqué Nick Wilde fanart in her notebook in Health class. I didn’t know where else to put that, I just wanted to mention that.

As for Jolene and Eddie, they weren’t fooling around about the part where they were madly in love. The fox had a thing for bunnies after watching Space Jam as a kit, and the bunny had a thing for guys who were basketball-player tall, also as a result of watching Space Jam as a kit. It was the perfect match. Between the money they’d stolen and what they’d gotten from pawning their victims’ stuff, they were able to buy a houseboat, and lived off the grid in international waters, only coming to shore to plunder seaside cities for more supplies, a skill they soon became rather adept at. Rebels to the end, they were also able to defy nature and conceive a baby, who God hated for being an abomination. And they all died happily ever after. The end.

…Hey, nobody twisted your arm to choose talking about feelings over violence, anybody who’s ever read a history book knows that violence is literally always the answer. But if instead of picking up a history book you’d rather go back and make a different choice, I can’t stop you, I’m not a cop. Just don’t track mud on the carpet.

Chapter Text

After seeing her partner in such a situation, she decided to let go of the gun, she couldn’t risk her own partner’s life. She knew this situation could give them problems, since Jolene just said that she wouldn’t order Eddie to shoot, but at this point, Judy couldn’t trust her. Still, Nick was more valuable and the other decision wasn’t a sure bet.

“Alright, okay, I won’t fight for the weapon anymore, just… spare his life.” Judy said and looked worriedly to her partner.

When Jolene got control of the situation, she moved her head slightly to Eddie, signalling to let Nick go. The fox didn’t waste a second to get up and walk back a bit. Now they were at the beginning, no weapons, facing them again, their first plan failed… and didn’t have many more ideas that could work.

“How precious…” Jolene said mockingly. “You care more about that fox than the innocents. Is he so important to let others die instead?”

Judy looked at Nick and he looked at her, then she looked again at her sister. “I won’t let innocents die.. neither my partner. Just give it up.”

Jolene couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Seriously? I’m the one holding a gun and you tell me that I should surrender? Hilarious.” Even so, she kept her weapon pointing straight at Judy.

“Don’t do this… We’re family, we can talk about this. Let the innocents out of this.” Judy pleaded, not able to think of any plan.

“Family… hah! The same family you left behind. The same family that, with your decisions, made the parents care more about you. Now we’re family, right? Bullcrap!” Jolene frowned angrily, she was fuming now that her sister tried to reason with the ‘family’ topic.

Now Nick, watching everything, decided to intervene. “You know… this is pretty sad actually. You didn’t do anything to get the love of your parents and all you keep doing is blaming your sister. Such a sad attitude.” He shook his head from side to side accompanied by a click of his tongue.

Jolene now aimed at the fox. “You better watch your mouth, I didn’t kill you before, I can do it now if you disrespect me again.”

“Me disrespecting you? Hah, you disrespect yourself, missy.” After such a situation he was in, it seemed impossible for him to return to his usual joking tone… but there it was.

The bunny lowered his weapon a bit. “Alright, fox, enlighten me on how I’m disrespecting myself.”

“Let’s see…” He started and smiled. “Blaming Carrots about your problems? Check. Hijacking a train because of revenge against your sister? Check. Death threats on officers and innocents? Check… mate. Come on, missy, this is just pathetic, you should work on yourself first.”

Jolene then pulled up the weapon and aimed at Nick again, this time almost pulling the trigger. “Not a damn word more or you’ll have as many holes as a cheese.”

Judy lowered her voice. “Nick, don’t push her buttons, certainly she’s not bluffing!”

“Come on, Carrots, I’m gonna be fine, trust me.” Nick nodded and looked at them both. “Such a shame I don’t have anything to defend myself with… Not even.. What’s this thing used to open doors and crates forcefully?” Both criminals tilted their heads. “Yeah.. this thing that is… Has partially a bird name, you know?”

“What the crap are you talking about?” Jolene sharply asked.

Nick turned to the other fox. “You have to know what I’m talking about.”

Eddie shook his head. “Not the slightest idea, mate.” He put a weird Australian accent out of nowhere.

“Yeah, come on! It’s so good to open doors, crates, break crystals… A good melee weapon!” Nick waved his arms, emphasizing it.

“Shut up, just shut up!” Jolene yelled, she was close to completely pulling the trigger. “This is just nonsense, out of the blue, doesn’t add to anything and I’m frankly tired of you.” She turned to Judy. “How could you even handle him at work? He’s annoying.”

The bunny cop got surprised by the question, but decided to answer to keep the game on. “I don’t even know myself at some points.”

“Ouch, I know you don’t think that about me.” Nick tried to look charming, even winking.

Still, Judy was unfazed, looking for any solution, subtly. “Seriously? Just in the middle of this situation you start with this? You’re impossible…”

“Oh, you like me like this, don’t you?” He threw a kiss to Judy. “I can make you fall for my looks and you know it.” The fox was still smirking widely.

His partner just rolled her eyes, momentarily out of the stress situation. She still was figuring out a plan now that the other one didn’t work as intended, now it was time to think again, and quickly, because the train was getting closer and closer to the end of the line. Even so, for some reason, she thought Nick was having an idea, but couldn’t identify what the fox meant at this precise moment.

“Come on, guys, anyone has to know what I mean! It’s even good to knock mammals out!” Nick kept on trying to find an answer to the question. “Part of this object's name is the name of a bird, come one!” He faked frustration by throwing his arms in the air.

Judy sighed, she knew from the start, but couldn’t figure out her partner’s brain. “It’s a crowbar… but why would you need a crowbar?”

“As stated, Carrots, it’s a good weapon, with it, these two could be knocked out!” Nick kept on playing a character.

Jolene let out a laugh. “Okay, that’s a good one. How do you intend to reach us with a melee weapon when we have these guns? Try to even get close now.” She aimed again at the fox.

“I would just need my speed and you won’t see me coming.” Nick said with full confidence, crossing his arms.

“Try if you dare.” Jolene replied, not taking his eyes off the fox.

Nick sighed and smiled. “I warned you.” And, after that, Eddie fell unconscious, surprisingly, and dropping the gun.

“How the hell?” The criminal bunny turned at her partner, but returned her gaze to Nick. “How did you do that?”

“I said it, I warned you.” Like if nothing happened, the fox answered with the same sentence.

Jolene quickly readied the weapon and, when she was about to shoot, everything went black in her eyes. She fell unconscious as well. From behind, a figure appeared: It was Ozwyn!

“You won’t mess up with my retirement!” The badger was holding a crowbar that was installed close to the driver in case they needed it. “Thanks for reminding me, young one.” He said to Nick.

The fox snapped his fingers and pointed his finger to Ozzie. “No problem, it’s our job.” And a smirk also appeared on his face.

Without time to lose, they grabbed some ropes and anything that could keep the criminals under control until the reinforcements reached them. Ozwyn also got ordered to help against those criminals, he handed ropes he found and even a cloth to keep them muffled and arrested. The badger’s retirement was secure… or so they thought.

“Crap, the train!” Ozzie went running to the emergency brake and pulled hard, what made the vehicle start stopping almost reaching the end of the line. The front touched the end, it was close… too close for comfort. “Just in time… Uff, good thing I remembered it!” He gave a hearty laugh.

Nick and Judy looked at each other, what the badger did just now made them upset, how could he be so relaxed after nearly dying? But even being a bit upset, they decided to drop it, since Ozzie saved their lives.

After Judy’s call, since Nick’s phone broke in the struggle with Eddie, the reinforcements arrived and took them in custody. Bogo also appeared and went to the bunny-fox couple.

“Why is there a mess everywhere you go?” The buffalo asked in an accusatory tone.

Nick raised an eyebrow. “Chief, we’re not guilty that criminals just want us this badly.” He used his trademark smile to emphasize his joking mood.

“...and yet, you’re in everything huge that happens in this city…” Bogo then put his hoof on his forehead and sighed. “Explain what happened if you may.”

Judy put her paws on her back. “Those criminals that our coworkers took away decided to hijack this train with the intention of crashing it and killing multiple mammals, including us as you noticed. They disguised themselves as us and wanted the media to blame it on Nick and me. We went through…” She coughed lightly. “...troubles, but managed to reach the head of the train to get to them, even unarmed.” She then pointed at the badger. “He’s a key witness and our savior, I must add. When we were facing the criminals, we didn’t have a way to counter them, but Ozwyn here, with a little help from Nick, grabbed a crowbar and hit them on their heads, knocking them unconscious.” She finished.

“What? Little help? I helped plenty! Come on, Carrots.” Half joking, the fox answered at the dismissal from the bunny.

Judy smiled lightly seeing that she got to Nick, then looked again to her boss and chief. “And that’s basically what happened.”

Bogo listened to all of it. “So you’re telling me that you coincidentally got into this train, had problems getting to the criminals and put yourselves in danger because you didn’t have a gun… but also saved a lot of mammals and arrested the two terrorists with the help of a civilian. Is that right?”

“Well, apart from forgetting that we’re the heroes of thousands of mammals, I think that’s kind of accurate.” Nick answered, still wanting some reaction from the buffalo.

Bogo just groaned at the fox’s attitude. “Whatever, just question Ozwyn, we’ll gather other witnesses’ testimony.” As soon as he finished, he went to the other parts of the train, where other officers and paramedics were taking care of the passengers.

Nick and Judy got Ozwyn to the ZPD to tell all that happened with the criminals. The badger sat comfortably, since now he’d get his money for retirement, all that he wanted after that last day of working. “I’ll tell you all you need to know.”

Judy prepared her notebook. “Alright. Tell us how they got in and what happened inside.”

Ozwyn started telling how Jolene and Eddie sneaked up in the train and where he was, with some old tale from his youth and how he got the job… Usual elderly stuff, you know. He mentioned he was spooked at their weapons, the same weapons he got aimed at and made his life flash before his very own eyes. Still, he knew he had to follow orders or he’d be dead by now, not able to enjoy his life to the fullest, and knowing how his family would react.

“What made you have the courage to attack those two?” Nick asked, really curious about the badger’s motive.

“You know, I couldn’t let them have it their way, but I have no way to attack them. I guess I shall thank you for that, officer Wilde.” Ozwyn managed to smile a little.

The fox looked at his companion. “See? At least someone appreciates me. You have to learn a lesson or two.” Smiles mockingly.

Judy rolled her eyes. “For once…” She looked again at the badger. “Thanks for all of this, we’ll make sure they’ll pay for all of this.”

“But of course! Even getting more money from this, it’s kind of dreamy.” The badger said a bit out loud.

“I would… highly recommend not saying that, someone might misunderstand and would think you hired them or something.” Nick suggested, tone kind of serious, he knew a thing or two about keeping silent about some things.

“Alright, officer!” Ozwyn made the police salute and that made the bunny and the fox look at each other questioningly.

Nick and Judy accompanied the badger towards the exit when Judy was called by Bogo. She didn’t hesitate, if the buffalo called her, it was important. The bunny went upstairs to meet with certain grumpy buffalo and clarify some stuff.

“Sit down, miss Hopps.” And, with that order, she complied. “I couldn’t help but notice that one of the criminals’ surname is Hopps… She seems to have some hatred towards her sister. If they disguised themselves as you, then I have to assume the criminal is your sister?” He looked at her straight in her eyes.

Judy opened her eyes wide. “Y-Yeah, she’s my sister or.. at least she was.” She looked to the side and then back to him. “But she took the wrong way and even almost killed us both so…” She sighed and muttered under her breath. “Why did she do it…”

Bogo nodded and turned to the papers again. “Look, Hoops, I understand the situation and I won’t judge your family because of this… but we must hide her surname at all costs or you’ll have a problem. And not only you… your family could be threatened.” The buffalo’s eyes were stern, he wasn’t bluffing.

“What if someone leaks the information? Plus, I have to tell my parents…” Judy felt embarrassed, but she knew she’d have to endure this.

“Tell it just to them, alright? But keep it in private. And if someone leaks it, we’ll take measures against it.” Bogo took off his glasses, his face was even more imposing right now.

The bunny nodded, she trusted her chief. “I understand and I trust you. I’ll keep silent about it to the rest of the world.” She got down from the chair. “If you’ll excuse me, Chief… I’ll get back to my partner.”

Bogo plainly nodded and kept on reading the documents. Judy closed the door behind her and sighed deeply. She knew anyone could see the resemblance between them, and some journalists are really nosy, if they wanted to find something, they would find it, no matter the cost. At least, she trusted that Bogo had a plan for the situation, but couldn’t help it just got to her… until some words came into her mind.

Don’t let them see that they got to you.

Judy started feeling better, recomposed herself and went back to Nick, who was patiently waiting on his phone. As soon as the bunny got closer, he turned around and smiled at her.

“Well, well, look who comes back to her prince in red and blue.” Of course, he wanted to make the environment a bit more happy than it was, after all, he noticed that something was wrong with Judy.

The bunny rolled her eyes once again. “I don't see a prince like that, I only see a fox with lots of ego.” She said in a high-pitched voice, also joking about him.

“You need glasses, ma’am, you cannot see the reality!”

Nick and Judy’s antics came up again as they walked by to their respective homes. After such a day, they needed some rest and they’d find it in their beds, among a beautiful night they enjoyed until they parted ways.

The next morning, Judy put on the TV while cooking her own breakfast. Exclusive news appeared on it, after some political talk and also sports. They say it was brand new, so she listened carefully to what the anchor was saying.

“Hello again, Zootopia! We come back with some juicy information about the hijacking of the last day. The criminals confessed what they wanted to do and they’ll be in jail for quite some time. The prosecutor got solid proof of what they did and they’ll serve a long sentence. We have some mammals from the hijacking that got interviewed.” Then some mammals started appearing on TV, the first one being Natasha, accompanied by her mother.

“They were amazing! I met them at the station and they’re cool, really cool! I still wanted them to kiss-” She got interrupted by her mom.

“We’re thankful for what those officers did. I cannot imagine what could have happened…” Natasha’s mom had some shaking on her hooves.

Then a raccoon appeared. “They… were kind of nice and helped a lot… even if I was rude at the beginning and not trusting them…” He turned to the camera. “I’m sorry.”

“Another one that appeared was the old mole. “Oh yeah, those youngsters got a lot of energies and they’re smart, reminds me of when I young and-”

The signal cut off again to the anchor while Judy was wearing a smile. “They’re all thankful for the efforts of the officers Hopps and Wilde.They saved a lot of lives and we all must thank them.” He said and then moved to the next topic. “Now, we have more news! The driver of the train named Ozwyn received the medal of the city for being a hero.” And a video showed the badger getting the prize, surprising Judy. She then called Nick.

“You saw it, right?” The bunny asked, and she heard a deep sigh. “A bit unfair to us, isn’t it?”

Nick then started talking. “I guess it is what it is, but he helped us… and still, feels unfair…” The price to keep the city safe I guess.”

“Come on, don’t tell me you’re in for the money.” Judy asked, half serious. “Helping others is important!”

“I cannot deny that…” Nick sighed, but happily now. “Your positivism is really rubbing on me.” He recovered his usual mocking tone.

“At least it’ll upgrade you.” Judy chuckled at her own sentence. She heard the same from the other line.

“Okay, that’s a good one. It deserves some points… or maybe a dinner for just us? I can pay.” The fox casually said, asking out.

The bunny thought for a moment and made a decision. “I’ll take your offer! Tell me the best place there could be.”

“I know some, just follow me tonight, it’ll be fancy.”

Judy got in the same tone as Nick. “Uhh! I like it!” She answered.

The day passed and everything returned to normal, like the hijacking never happened or that Jolene is Judy’s sister. Nick knew it and Judy’s parents would have to know as well. It was a tough moment but she did it privately.

The day didn’t end so well for the bunny Jolene and the tall fox Eddie. He was acting all the time and Jolene was getting tired of it. They couldn’t fulfill their plan, but at least they got something else: A long stay in prison and a good bump on their heads.

Chapter Text

“...I can answer that, but… promise you won’t freak out,” Judy said sheepishly.

Nick couldn’t help but scoff. “Carrots, Carrots, Carrots. How many wacky hijinks have we been through? I’m not gonna freak out, pfft.”

Well, hard to argue with that. “...M’kay. Soooo. That was… that was my sister--”

“WHAT!?”

“NICK, you promised you wouldn’t freak out!”

“Hey, I wasn’t lying, I just overestimated my abilities! So forgive me for my sins! But… okay, you know I have a million questions -- how do you want to answer them?”

She could see behind him that after that little outburst, many of the passengers were staring at her and also eagerly awaiting to hear an explanation for what the heck had just happened. Deep breath in, deep breath out.

“Maybe I should put it this way…” the bunny began. “...When you and I first met, and you told me not-so-nicely not to try to, y’know, rise above my station in life as the daughter of carrot farmers?”

“I said I was sorry--”

“No, no, I know you are, I’m not mad about it, I just mean to say… the reason that hurt so much was because you were not at all the first person to say that to me. The first ones were my parents -- or, uh… our parents,” she corrected herself as she gestured to the door leading to the makeshift holding pen. “Well, long story short… she listened to them. And she was really, really not happy that I succeeded after disobeying our parents while she wasted her life being nothing like our parents thought was best.”

That sure was something, alright. The fox sat with that for a moment before he answered. “Wasted to the point of… being willing to throw her life away out of spite?”

And that, in turn, was a very poignant way of putting it. “I guess all the more reason to be grateful that I’ve had enough go right that I… that I can’t even fathom that level of desperation. But… argh, I can’t help but think, goshdarnit, we wouldn’t even have been in this situation if I had listened to them too, and then all these mammals would never have been in danger--”

“Hey. Hey…” Nick cut her off as he put his paws on her shoulders. “Don’t think about that. Don’t think about the what if, think about the what is -- and what is, is okay. Everyone is safe, this situation is resolved, and… um… and I can’t think of a grammatically-correct third thing, but you is a hero to all these people.”

She couldn’t help it; she had to smirk just a little. “You really think so?”

“Hey, you can ask them yourself, they’re right here!” He turned and gestured to the crowd. “Whaddaya think!?”

And everyone clapped. And everyone cheered.

…Well, okay, most of them did.

“Hey, let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves!” someone spoke up anxiously. “We still need to stop this crazy train!”

And just as he said that, and others began chiming in to agree, everyone felt a weird sort of anti-lurch. The train didn’t stop on a dime or anything, but it was now going much slower all of a sudden, and seemed to be quickly decelerating to a much saner speed. By the time N’Eddie returned from the front of the train, the cabin wasn’t shaking any more violently than it normally would.

“Alright,” the improbably tall fox announced as he returned, “I let the driver know it’s safe to resume normal speed without us shooting him in the vital organs with a gun.”

“Well, uh… g-good to know!” Judy stammered, not entirely sure what to make of that oddly graphic assurance.

“Hey Stretch, we got another role for ya,” said Nick. “Guard the Gaboose just in case Little Miss Sunshine escapes, and we can probably finagle you a lighter sentence. Sound like a plan?”

“Well, since ‘the gigantic brute’ is the only role I can land, I’m certainly experienced in characters like that!” N’Eddie declared with melancholic pride, walking past the cops and stepping out the back of the car to keep an eye on his erstwhile cohort.

“...That guy is weird,” Judy felt possessed to remark.

“Yeah, guys who look like Slenderman often are,” Nick quipped. “I swear to God, if I didn’t smell the fox pheromones on him, I’d think he was a maned wolf.”

The bunny didn’t answer that, instead opting to change the subject by giving her favorite fox the biggest hug she could. “Thanks for your help, Nick. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“And I’m grateful that I’m an only child!” he was compelled to remark as he hugged her back.

“...Nick, would you like to say grace, please?”

The fox found himself slackjawed as the unexpected request stopped the forkful of food inches in front of his mouth. He looked down the table as more bunnies than his public-school education enabled him to count stared patiently at him, seated at the far end of the long rectangle, nominally sat as the guest of honor and to give him more legroom as a larger mammal but possibly also to put as much space as possibly between him and the younger bunnies who still weren’t acclimated to the vulpine persuasion.

“...Is she serious?” he asked Judy via the side of his mouth while he kept his eyes aimed vaguely at Bonnie.

“Yeah, just go along with it,” Judy answered with a mix of reassurance and impatience, wanting to get an inevitably awkward moment over with as expeditiously as possible.

“Uhhh, suuure…” he said as he put his fork down and folded his paws in front of him. “Ummm… O Lord, uh…  rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for grub? Whatever and ever, amen. Heh! Heh, heh…”

His trademark confidence was nowhere to be found as countless eyes blinked blankly at him; some were offended, but most of the Hoppses just didn’t get it.

“I-I’m sorry,” he explained, “I, uh… we didn’t say grace at dinner growing up.”

“YOU’RE JEWISH!?” screamed one of the younger siblings who had not yet developed an inside voice. “So you don’t get to have Christmas!?”

“Zachary!” Bonnie scolded her son, harshly dinging a spoon against a porcelain plate as she did. “Just because someone doesn’t say grace at mealtime doesn’t mean they’re Jewish… but, uh--”

“I’m not,” Nick cut her off. “And yes, Zach, we still had Christmas.”

“Oh! Alright, just checking, heh…”

“Well, son,” Stu spoke up, “if you didn’t grow up saying grace, it’s never too late to teach ya! Here, I’ll show you how we do it in the Hopps House! ‘In the name of the--’”

“Wait!” Zachary protested. “Why did he get to have Christmas if he didn’t say boring grace before dinner!? You always said we had to do it so Santa knows we believe in him!”

“Now Zachary, don’t interrupt your father during prayer…!”

As a theological argument broke out at the far end of the table, Nick breathed a sigh of relief as the heat was finally off him. He turned to Judy. “Would you believe me if I said dealing with a train hijacking was less stressful than being put on the spot like that?”

“Oh, don’t be such a drama queen!” the bunny chuckled. “Otherwise, I’ll think they took the wrong fox to jail!”

But fear not; this story isn’t going to get that wacky. Jolene and Ned-slash-Eddie were apprehended after the County Sheriff’s office was contacted, the two removed from the train while it was still out in the middle of farmland. Once law and rail authorities alike gave it the green, the train got chugging along again, back en route to Bunnyburrow and points beyond. By the time it reached the station, word had spread that the hijackers were imposters and that the real Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps were not only innocent but actively heroes on that train, and the crowd at the platform greeted them with celebration.

…That said, the identities of the criminals were not yet made public at that time, partially because it was standard procedure to determine beyond a reasonable doubt that they were responsible before announcing them, but also because Judy had asked the local police as a favor between cops if they could take their time releasing the suspects’ identities so that she could enjoy her holiday dinner with her family with as little drama as possible. Thankfully Jolene had told their parents that she wouldn’t be joining them that night anyway -- some vague allusion to spending it with a boyfriend’s family instead -- so her absence was not at all conspicuous. Truly Nick and especially Judy had something to be thankful for on the holiday tomorrow.

But for now, it was just a regular family dinner on a Wednesday night, and while it might have been dull on the surface, after the day the officers had had, dull felt like paradise.

“Y’know, if I didn’t know better…” Nick told Judy in a hushed voice, careful with his words so as not to give too much away to any eavesdroppers, “I’d think you’d had that whole thing arranged just to make a long weekend on the farm feel like a relaxing getaway after all that insanity!”

“Ah, but alas, Bunny isn’t that clever,” the rabbit replied with a soft giggle in her voice. “How’s the succotash?”

“I must say, despite the name, this ‘otash does not suck!” he quipped, his famous swagger back as though it had never left. “And contrary to what cartoons cats would have me believe, this dish does not induce sufferin’--”

“Winona!” Bonnie scolded one of her teenage children. “No phones at the dinner table!”

But Winona was undeterred. “Mahhhm, I’m reading oX posts from people who were on the train! Don’t you wanna know what they said!?”

“Oh, I do!” Stu beamed.

Bonnie answered that with a death glare that would be considered assault with a deadly weapon in several states.

“B-but, uh, y-your mother’s right!” he stammered. “Social media will still be there after dinner, and besides, why would you wanna hear anybody’s stories about it besides Jude the Dude’s--?”

“Well then, why didn’t she tell us that the Fake Judy was Jolene?” Winona said defiantly. “That’s what people heard her say on the train.”

All eyes once again turned to the end of the table. Nick dropped his fork, and Judy nearly choked on a corn kernel.

“Uhhh…” the fox said, “...I have diarrhea. May I be excused? Thank you!”

And he scurried off to the bathroom, leaving Judy to face her family drama alone. In fairness, she could still probably explain it better than he could.

“So… um… about that!” she began with a nervous chuckle.

AN END.

Chapter Text

Time seemed to freeze. The two foxes in the middle looked at each other, then around the other vulpine to their respective bunny partners, then they turned around to the corresponding sister. As if on cue, all four mammals sprung into action at once. Two bunnies tackled each other to the ground, all the while two foxes raced towards the front of the train.

“Mom was right! The big city isn’t good for you!” Jolene yelled.

“Why are you doing this?!” Judy demanded to know. Nick could only hear the struggling, but he was confident that his partner’s excellent police training would kick in and she could deal with her sister.

The red fox himself shuffled to reach the front before his freakishly tall doppelgänger had the chance to do so. The bigger of the two vulpines had longer legs, however. He caught up quickly and overtook the comparatively small tod. Nick thought this was how Finnick must have to feel next to him, he would make sure to apologise for silly names such as ‘Big Guy’ the next time he saw his good buddy.

Finally, two foxes rushed into the frontmost room on the whole train. “Stop the train!” the real police officer bellowed out frantically. The other vulpine didn’t say anything. He merely stepped closer behind the older badger in the driver’s seat and ogled all the control elements. “Slow down, for fluff’s sake!” Nick repeated. He flailed his arms around wildly, but neither of the two other mammals showed any reaction whatsoever.

“Jolene didn’t let me stay here for long,” the taller fox murmured with surprising excitement and awe.

“Why would you wanna stay here?” Nick questioned. “Are you kidding?” the other fox retorted, appalled.

“Excuse me, Ozzy,” Ned spoke up a little louder, likewise not soliciting any response. The shorter fox approached the badger and leaned forward, into the mustelid’s field of view.

The member of the railway didn’t budge, his eyes merely flittered to the side briefly, then back to the tracks. Nick waved a hand in front of him, the badger reached up to his ears and turned a knob on his hearing aid.

“What does this lever do?” a fox asked. It was not the one working at the ZPD. The badger looked at what the taller tod was referring to.

“Oh, that?” he asked in nonchalant surprise. “Well that’s the air conditioning for the footplate.”

“Hey!” Nick interrupted. “Slow down the train already, we have to stop!”

“Why did you call it a footplate?” the other fox asked. “I thought they call it a cab or something.”

The badger chuckled lightly. “Oh, I’m terribly sorry, pardon me. I guess I was swimming through old memories.” The taller fox tilted his head, he needed to lean down to even talk to the mammal in the driver seat without raising his voice. The badger took this as a prompt to continue talking. “You see, I’ve been with this railway for many years. When I was a young boy, I would stay at the signalbox for hours, watching the big steam trains going by. Eventually they hired me as a firemammal. Worked my way up to a proud driver, but by then they already replaced most engines with diesels.” The badger was obviously swimming in a lot of nostalgia, and he let out a bittersweet sigh.

“Railway? Driver?” Ned asked with further confusion. “Do you mean a railroad and engineer? I mean, I know everything there is to know about acting, but that doesn’t mean I’m a stranger to railroading either!” The badger merely shrugged and turned his gaze back to the front.

“Listen, pal,” Nick tried again. “If you don’t stop the train right now, I’ll pull the emergency brakes!”

The badger turned to face the significantly shorter fox. “I’ve been told to keep driving. Not worth risking my life over on my last day on the job,” the driver insisted. “If you pull the emergency brakes, I’ll just bypass them and keep driving, young lad.”

“Wait, you can do that?” the biggest mammal in the vehicle chimed in in awe. He was about to ask a follow-up question when the door opposite the windshield burst open once more.

“...follow my dream!”

“...never try, you’ll never fail!”

“...leave Cotton out of this! I’m her favourite aunt!”

“...stupid! Adventure Crazy! Dragging the Hopps name through the mud like that fat baker fox!”

Two bunnies practically rolled into the cab. They were pulling on each other’s ears, clawing at their sister’s fur, snarling and squeaking… Then their wrestling took them out of the cab again and back into the engine room.

“Stop! The! Train! Now!” Nick tried and failed to cause a reduction in speed.

“How can you just bypass the emergency brakes?” Ned asked curiously. “Isn’t that like, some critical safety feature?”

The badger shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s very important, but nobody wants to be stuck in a burning train in the middle of a tunnel, do they?”

The tallest fox lit up at the realisation. “I never thought about that. Years in acting school and they don’t even teach about these things…”

“I’ll try every lever here until I find the brakes,” Nick threatened.

Two bunnies briefly burst into the cab again. They kept tumbling around, now without words. This physical altercation resembled one of two siblings, because they were.

“These are the brakes,” Ned pointed at a lever on the left side. The badger looked at the taller fox for a second, then he turned to his other side to look at the police officer with a grin.

“Well then use it!” he instructed incredulously. Upon getting no reaction, the red fox himself pulled the lever. The train’s engines became a bit louder, a handful of blue rectangles on one of the screens appeared. There was a change in speed, certainly, though it was not in the direction Nick intended. The train sped up further. The fox returned the lever to the original position as Ned laughed.

The badger let out a chuckle too. “Good one,” he complimented.

A bunny got hurled back against the console beside the foxes. Another bunny quickly followed, reaching for the ears of her opponent. The two Hopps sisters wrangled each other aside again.

“How far is it until Bunnyburrow anyways?” Nick asked, maybe they wouldn’t need to slow down right away.

“Mile marker says we’re at two-oh-five point seven,” the old badger pointed out. “Bunnyburrow’s at two eleven point zero.”

The taller fox looked around the cab some more. “Hey, how come the headlight’s only turned on in the front?” he asked. “Shouldn’t the rear light up red?”

The badger turned around to the back wall of the cab to the law-breaking vulpine. He found the fox had already switched the lever to the pictogram depicting three little white dots on top and two red ones on the bottom, rather than just three on top. Immediately a yellow warning light lit up on the train’s equivalent of a dashboard. “No, would you mind turning that back?” the badger requested politely.

“No, hold on, Ozzy, I think you forgot the rear lights this whole time!” accused Ned.

“I have not,” the seemingly indifferent badger called out.

“Turn that back or I’ll have to stop the train to fix that,” he called out.

“Yes!” Nick cheered.

“What? No, that’s ridiculous!” the tallest mammal around insisted. “I have watched many trains at the station, they all have red lights on the back.”

“Unless they are shunting, then it’s white lights on both sides,” the badger corrected.

“What? Why?” Ned asked.

“When switching around, do you really think I’d change the lights around every time?” came the professional’s retort. “The frequent change in direction means mammals outside have to be wary, even if I already passed them once. I might just come back on the next track over.” The gigantic fox nodded in understanding.

“Mom never loved you anyways!” Jolene accused as the door got flung open again.

Judy gasped loudly. “You…!” she started slowly, teeth bared. “...have officially taken it too far!” The first bunny to join the ZPD let out what could only be described as a warcry before lunging at her sister in rage. “I’ll put you in cuffs, your arms and legs, then I’ll tie your ears up in a tight knot and cuff them too!”

“HEY!” Nick yelled loudly, finally getting the attention of another mammal.

Two bunnies, one fox, and one badger looked at the first fox police officer. “Can we please slow down? Right now? We are about to miss our stop.”

Judy stood up to look out the window. “Hey, I know this barn over there,” she mentioned.

Jolene looked up too. “We’re already passing the fields that belong to Haresons,” she mentioned.

Judy shoved her aside and to the ground again. “We’re almost at the station!”

“You know what, I didn’t want to do this, but you left me no choice,” the badger spoke up, addressing Ned. He got up from his seat for the first time since departing Zootopia and strolled to the back wall at a leisurely pace. “I’d suggest holding on to something, deadmammal’s switch is about to kick in,” he mentioned in a casual manner while he flicked the little switch the tall fox had changed back to the position it had initially been in.

“Wait, that’s the wrong lights! I know that’s not right!” Ned protested.

A loud beeping interrupted him. The next second, there was a noisy sound of escaping air, and finally the train slowed down. Rapidly. Jolene, still laying on her back, slid forwards until she bumped up against the base of the cab’s control elements.

“Finally…” Judy murmured under her breath.

“Hallelujah,” commented Nick.

“You have to turn the lights on on the back!” Ned kept insisting.

The train came to a halt. Judy glanced out the window to find they stopped perfectly at the platform of Bunnyburrow’s station.

“Oh crud, we’re so busted, aren’t we?” Jolene asked Ned.

“Yes, you are,” Judy confirmed, restraining her sister.

“Hold on, change the lights back!” Ned commanded before doing the requested action himself.

The old badger sighed once more. He reached up to his ears, considering shutting off his hearing aid again, then he thought better of it. “I’ve not worked in the industry for close to half a century, just for some foamer to ruin my last day because of some stupid rubbish,” he complained. “Listen foxy, I’ll show you why the rear end signals aren’t turned on in the cab directly but rather in the last carriage.” He flicked a switch beside one of the levers to the left side. The yellow indicator light turned blue and the typical beeping indicated that doors opened up, allowing passengers to board and disembark.

Nick let out a heavy sigh of relief, the whole situation was over. At least some passengers knew he and Judy were not to blame for anything. Upon exiting the train, everyone would see two pairs of foxes and bunnies.

Five mammals stepped out of the train. The platform was nearly packed full with reporters and curious locals, everyone had their phones out and recorded videos or took photos. “Hey, I didn’t sign up for this,” Nick complained. “I thought it’s just a train’s worth of mammals wanting autographs, not a whole town!”

Judy was leading her sister through the crowd and towards a waiting police cruiser from the local department. Nick tightly restrained Ned, though the badger requested him to loosen his grip temporarily. “All right, Ozzy, now show me why you’re wrong,” the freakishly tall fox requested.

“Okay, you talking signal mast,” the badger said with irritation. It seemed the tod had gotten through his cool and indifferent attitude a little. “The headlamps are all right, we both agree on that,” he said.

“And the red rear lights are correct now, I fixed them for you,” Ned interrupted. Nick looked at the two with his arms crossed. Oswyn led the tallest fox he had ever seen towards the rear of the locomotive. A bright red light illuminated the front of the first coach. “I… But why?” stammered the criminal fox.

“Don’t think your half-knowledge is more reliable than the experience from a seasoned driver, you muppet!” the badger scolded. “These carriages are too old, they don’t take the red signal through. So the red light here makes the train think this is the end and I lose oversight over the doors. For all I know, they got broken through and passengers are falling onto the tracks! That was the yellow indicator light. I can’t drive like that in good conscience.”

“We good now?” Nick asked, waiting for his supposed doppelgänger to allow himself to get restrained and lead out.

“No, we’re not good!” the taller fox complained. “What sort of station is this? Where are the signals? Where are the other tracks? There’s no way Bunnyburrow has only one platform and not even a single switch! What sort of hick town is this?!”

The badger could only chuckle as Nick grabbed the other fox’s arms and held them tightly behind his back. Reporters shot a lot of photos with camera flashes turned on. Two foxes practically swam through the crowd, one of them quickly found himself in the back of a police cruiser. “You absolute idiot!” was all that could be heard from Jolene before the door closed again.

Nick dusted off his hands in a show of confidence. “Another one in the books, It’s almost too easy.” His half-lidded smile was received very well by the makeshift audience. Judy shook her head, unamused.

Before she could reply, however, a young giraffe ran up to her from behind. “You are heroes!” the girl cried out happily.

“Hey there, Natasha, right?” Judy greeted softly and with a proud smile.”

The giraffe was ecstatic about her favourite police officer remembering her name. “Yes! You stopped the train, you saved everyone! We would have derailed and exploded! I can’t believe I was there for that!”

The girl’s mother approached too. She could only nod in agreement to her daughter’s words. Locals and news reporters alike were cheering and clapping. “Hey, it’s no biggie,” Nick tried to downplay the accomplishment. “It was actually quite simple, really.”

“Oh, so you’re not too tired to stay and chat for a while?” the older giraffe asked.

“The train arrived early, we have a few minutes,” Judy offered.

“Perfect!” celebrated the young girl.

“Oh, this is so exciting, don’t you think, Natasha?”

The child nodded emphatically. “Yes! You can finally answer my question!”

Nick and Judy exchanged glances, they were a little taken aback.

Then it dawned on them…

“We, uhm,” the fox stammered. “We should probably get our luggage and get going…” Judy excused.

“No! I want to know if you’re married or not!”

This scream came not from Natasha, but actually from her mother!

Judy and Nick exchanged another glance, then they started running.

The end

Chapter Text

Nick’s eyelids drooped as he smirked at Ned. “Well, well, well, the freak has decided to join us.”

Ned glared at him. “Freak?”

“Ah, at least his ears work fine.”

Ned sputtered a few times, struggling to formulate an effective comeback. “I beg your pardon, but I will have you know I am an award-winning actor! Animals come from miles around to watch me perform in my–”

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Nick called out in an over-the-top shout. He craned his neck, held a paw over his eyes to shield the pretend sun, and squinted as hard as he could. “I couldn’t hear you from way up there!”

Judy’s head poked around Ned’s tail. “Not helping, Nick,” she murmured sharply.

“Trust me, Carrots, there is no helping a fox that tall.” Nick returned his gaze back to Ned and grinned. “So what unpardonable sin did you commit to get you thrown out of Giantsville, anyway? Did you knock your head against the ceiling one too many times? Or did they want to keep you away so all the newborns would stop crying every time they saw you?”

Ned’s face started to turn red–even redder than usual underneath his fur. Behind him, Judy could only stare at Nick in disbelief; this was going way too far, even for him, but she had an outlandishly-large fox in her path and couldn’t run up to him and make him stop.

Even Jolene, still standing right next to Nick, dropped her jaw at the meanness of his words. “Wow…” The corner of her mouth turned up ever so slightly. “I’ve got to remember some of these for later,” she whispered.

Unfortunately for her, Nick heard her loud and clear. His eyes shifted in her direction and his mischievous grin spread all the wider. “Oh, don’t think you’re getting out of this scot-free, young missy.”

Jolene’s eyes lit up with fury instantly. “Young missy?!”

“Yep. You’re the youngest one here, aren’t you? And that makes you the most naive, too. Not just naive, but stupid. Absolutely, completely, without question, stupid. Trying to frame your own sister for a crime like this? Thinking that anyone with eyes and a brain would mistake Andre the Giant over here for me? Puh-leeze. Nobody’s that dumb, except for you. I guess you and Judy are related after all, because I can’t think of anyone else who could possibly be as dumb as you.”

What happened next was a blur to all four of them. Jolene, fed up with Nick’s foul words, lunged at him with a scream that sounded more like a lion than a rabbit. Judy, having known her littermate so well since their childhoods, predicted Jolene’s move and tried to jump towards them to intercept her. Ned, still in Judy’s way, remained in Judy’s way, and despite his genuinely grotesquely tall personage, he was thrust into the commotion just as things came to a boil.

For the next several seconds, the entrance to the train car was filled with the sight of four animal bodies rolling on top of each other, each of them trying to gain an advantage against the others. In spite of their short stature, both bunnies were able to hold their own against both foxes quite well. And despite their lack of professional training, the two train hijackers put up a surprisingly good fight against the two veteran cops. This kept all of them roughly even with each other, even as the seconds dragged into minutes and each of them grew gradually more and more exhausted.

Even with their strength failing, however, the bunnies and foxes showed no signs of relenting. Ned kept grabbing Nick’s tail or Judy’s ears with his ginormous paws–although, sometimes, he accidentally grabbed Jolene and had to apologetically let her go. Nick mostly stayed on the defense, deflecting Ned and Jolene’s attacks and acting as a shield to the much smaller Judy. Jolene seemed not to care whether she hurt Nick, Judy, or even Ned; she just kept lashing out with her claws and buck teeth at anyone she could reach, which was usually all three of them at once. Judy, the only one of the group who at least tried to break up the fight, gave up on that almost instantly and instead focused all her energy on knocking out Ned.

And, with one well-placed kick from her powerful hind legs, she succeeded.

Or at least, she thought she did.

It was only after everyone stopped moving the dust settled that she realized that she had, in fact, succeeded in knocking somebody unconscious, but it was the wrong fox. Nick now lay flat on his belly. His tongue hung from his mouth, his eyes stared straight ahead with a silly expression, and he let out a long moan of pain.

Then, for what felt like an eternity, all four of them were silent. Judy stared at Nick in horror at what she had just done. Nick continued staring straight ahead, examining the newfound stars floating in front of his head. Jolene and Ned stared at Judy, completely dumbfounded that she had knocked her best friend unconscious like that.

Finally, Jolene broke the silence. “Wow, Judy.” She shook her head disapprovingly. “That was really uncalled for.”

Judy fought the urge to roll her eyes. “Oh, right, like I meant to do that.”

“Didn’t you?”

“No! Well… yes. But I was aiming for you! But I missed!” She pointed a finger at Ned. “I didn’t think it was possible to miss a target as big as you!”

It was only after she finished speaking that she realized just what she had said. Her eyes opened wide and she threw her paw in front of her mouth, but the damage was done. Ned’s jaw dropped, and though it was hard to tell from her vastly inferior altitude, Judy thought she saw a tear start to form in the enormous fox’s eye.

Jolene shook her head. “Judy, I’m surprised at you. Ned and I only hijacked a train, locked you two up in the caboose, stole everyone’s belongings, framed you for it, and planned on killing you for petty revenge–but we never hurt anyone’s feelings!” She patted Ned’s arm reassuringly. “And now look at what you’ve done. You ought to apologize to Ned!”

Judy blinked. “Really? You want me to apologize?” She scoffed, not bothering to hide her vexation. “I’ve been fighting for my life for the past two hours! I’ve sacrificed my cell phone to the train track gods, I’ve had to dress up as a boy, I’ve knocked my best friend out cold, and you expect me to apologize?”

Jolene started to speak, but her eyes flickered over Judy’s shoulder, and she quickly snapped her mouth shut.

Judy didn’t notice. “I’m not apologizing for anything! In fact, I don’t think I’ve done enough!” She turned to Ned. “Hey, freak! What’s it like telling jokes? Or would you not know because they would always fly over everyone’s heads? And let me guess, you were always in the back of the class growing up, weren’t you–because anyone sitting behind you would have been marked ‘absent’ by the teacher, right? Oh, wait, I know: You should have been a meteorologist, because your head is stuck in the clouds!”

She was just about to mention that he was so tall that the giraffes two cars back probably looked up to see him, but a noise behind her cut her off before she could say that out loud. To her surprise, when she turned around, she found those very giraffes standing right there–as well as all the other animals from that car.

Standing front and center was Natasha. The young giraffe was glaring at her. In fact, all of them were glaring at her.

Clearly, they did not approve of her jokes.

She quickly tried to save face, forcing a grin and gesturing wildly at Jolene and Ned. “Hey, look, everybody! I found the imposters!” A weak groan sounded from the floor. “And oh no, look what they’ve done to Nick! But we can worry about him later! Right now I need your help!” She pointed at one of the wolves. “You, find something I can use to tie them up.” She moved to a rhino. “You keep an eye on them while I go up to the front of the train and stop it.” She glanced at an antelope near the back. “You need to find the first aid kit so I can treat Nick.” She finally turned her attention to Natasha and gave the giraffe girl a broad smile. “And Natasha, you have the most important job of all: telling everyone on the train that Officer Hopps and Officer Wilde stopped the bad guys. Can you do that for me?” Without waiting for a response, she stood tall and clapped her paws together. “All right, everyone knows your assignments, so let’s go!”

Nobody moved an inch.

Judy blinked in confusion. “Uh, guys?” She raised a paw. “I said, let’s go!”

Natasha crossed her arms and let out a disapproving sigh. “You’re not the real Judy Hopps.”

“What?” Judy lowered her arm and looked at her. “Yes I am. We just talked a few minutes ago, don’t you remember?”

“The Judy Hopps I talked to was a nice bunny. She would never hurt anybody with her words!” Natasha’s attention turned to Jolene. “Would you, Officer Hopps?”

Judy allowed herself a chuckle. “Oh, come on, you don’t really think she’s the real Officer Hopps, do–”

“You’re so clever, Natasha!”

Jolene’s voice cut off Judy, and in an instant, it seemed the younger rabbit completely changed personalities. She offered the giraffe girl a sweet smile, and quickly walked up to her and gave her head a gentle pat. Then, to Judy’s absolute horror, she even gave Natasha a hug–and Natasha hugged her back!

“It’s true, Natasha. This is my sister, Jolene.” The real Jolene looked down at Nick, who let out another moan as he struggled to regain consciousness. “And that horrible fox is Ned!”

“Hey!” the real Ned snorted.

Jolene ignored him and turned back to Natasha. “They’re responsible for everything! They’re the real bad guys!”

“They’re the bad guys!” one of the elephants in the back trumpeted. “Get them!”

Faster than she could react, every animal in front of her ran at Judy full speed. Everything happened so fast, she struggled to comprehend it all, and she was so dumbstruck she couldn’t even deny it–not that it would have done much good anyway.

Unfortunately for Nick, right now was the moment he finally managed to wake up. Just as a lion and a zebra lifted him off the ground, he shook his head and tried to take a look around him. He was met with the confusing scene of numerous animals grabbing him and Judy and hauling them away. “Hey, what’s going on here?”

Judy started to answer, but the sudden sound of wind entering the train car drowned out her voice. Someone had opened one of the windows, and without needing instruction, the crowd rapidly moved her and Nick towards it.

And then, just as soon as it started, it ended. First Nick, then Judy, flew out the window, colliding with the ground hard at over a hundred miles an hour. The faint sound of cheers echoed through the barren land, and then a few seconds later, all was silent.

In hindsight, maybe Nick and Judy shouldn’t have said all those mean things after all.

THE END

Chapter Text

“Don’t worry, I got this!” Nick said, retrieving the flashlight shaped object from his person. He aimed it at the tusk team, and clicked a small button on the device. 

The front popped off and a net flew through the air, enveloping two of the TUSK officers and bringing them to the ground. A third mammal tripping over his fallen comrades. Now outnumbering the enemy, the prisoners quickly dispatched the last two officers, and the mammal who had tripped. 

“Huh, not bad slick.” Judy complimented. 

“Hey, sly fox!”

The 5 prisoners hurried over to the medical helicopter. The snow leopard getting into the pilot’s seat and starting up the vehicle. The rest of the mammals climbing into the transport compartment. 

The engine whirring loudly, the aircraft lifted into the sky. The sounds of ringing alarms and gunfire slowly fading. 

“Hey, where are we going?” Judy asked. 

“I got some contacts in Deerbrooke county.” The pilot said. “We can hide out there for a bit.” 

As the prison disappeared into the horizon, Nick and Judy looked at the landscape through the window. Unable to help but wonder what fate awaited them, but grateful that they had managed to escape. 

ESCAPE SUCCESSFUL! 

Chapter Text

Judy dropped to all fours and bounded along behind ductwork, flanking the TUSK unit, before charging them at full speed.

Striking a boar in the leg and bringing him down, before drawing her taser, activating it, and plunging it down on the boar’s neck.

A tiger tried to bash the rabbit with his rifle, but with her superior agility, she jumped out of the way. The tiger only managed to strike his friend unconscious. With the tiger distracted, Judy plunged her taser into him, before looping around and striking a third mammal.

The last two TUSK troopers leveled their weapons at the rabbit, but the other prisoners shot them in the back. All five mammals were now out of action, on the roof of the prison.

“Wow, great work, Carrots.” Nick said.

“Remember, I was top of my class at the academy!”

The five prisoners hurried over to the medical helicopter, the snow leopard getting into the pilot’s seat and starting up the vehicle, the rest of the mammals climbing into the transport compartment.

The engine whirring loudly, the aircraft lifted into the sky. The sounds of ringing alarms and gunfire slowly fading.

“Hey, where are we going?” Judy asked.

“I got some contacts in Deerbrooke county,” the pilot said. “We can hide out there for a bit.”

As the prison disappeared into the horizon, Nick and Judy looked at the landscape through the window. They were unable to help but wonder what fate awaited them, but grateful that they had managed to escape.

ESCAPE SUCCESSFUL!

Chapter Text

“...I don’t know.”

Nick winced in disbelief. “You don’t know?”

“I-I mean…” Judy stuttered as she searched for a feasible explanation. “...We were fighting, we didn’t exactly have a moment to just, like… talk.”

The fox pondered that for a moment. “...Alright, y’know what? That makes sense. Guess I was just… I dunno, disappointed? I wanted a story.”

The bunny sighed in relief. “I, uh… heh, I get that. But, uh… this isn’t a movie, y’know?”

“Yeah, yeah, I understand… so she’s locked up in there?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Alrighty then…”

And without warning, Nick swung open the door and stepped out, stayed outside for a moment as the door closed behind him, and stepped back in.

“BYE, BITCH!”

“W-w-wait, what did you do!?”

Judy hopped to her feet and opened the door to look out the back. The Gaboose had been disconnected from the rest of the train and was now falling back on the tracks.

“NICK, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?”

“Hey, I know you don’t like me using the ‘B’ word, but I’d argue she’s earned it--!”

“NO, I mean WHY DID YOU UNHOOK THE GABOOSE!?”

“Because that psycho tried to kill us!” he retorted firmly. “I’m not risking her escaping just like we did--”

He stopped as they each noticed something in their periphery. The loose Gaboose was not scrubbing off speed fast enough, and the track had now hit a moderate curve. Still carrying too much momentum, the coach wobbled as it tried to keep its balance on the rails, until it didn’t. It derailed, turned over, and flipped several times perpendicular to the railbed.

And then it exploded.

“NOOOOO!!” Judy wailed at the top of her lungs as she watched her sister die horribly.

“What!?” Nick challenged, not at all getting what the problem was. “Are you upset because our stuff was in there--?”

“Nick, that was my sister in there!!” the bunny hollered as she began sobbing uncontrollably.

“WHAT!? Th-the fake you, who you just said you didn’t know!?”

“YES!!” Judy wept.

“Th-th-then why did you say you didn’t know her!?!?”

“Because I didn’t want you to know and I had the reasonable fudging expectation that you wouldn’t kill her!” she buried her head into his stomach and started pounding her fists into his chest. “KILLER, KILLER, KILLER!”

“Um, liar, liar, LIAR!” Nick retorted unapologetically. “I wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t been too embarrassed to just tell me!”

“You shouldn’t have done it anyway!!”

“How was I supposed to know it would flip over and blow up like a frickin’ race car!?”

They kept arguing inconclusively until the train, now back under the power of the operator, came to a stop. Local authorities boarded the train. They arrested Fake Nick on the spot, but had trouble locating Fake Judy. Then they finally made it to the end of the train, where they saw a bunny doe who looked exactly like the one in the social media posts crying as she weakly socked a fox tod who looked much, much more like the real Nick Wilde than the other fox they found did. To them, the solution seemed clear: this was the rabbit hijacker, who had been caught and cornered by Officer Wilde and was sad about it, hence her trying to punch her way out of arrest. And considering that this came right as emergency services were radioing in that they’d found the burned-out husk of a caboose back down the tracks with the charred remains of a bunny who resembled Judy Hopps, it seemed a logical conclusion that the fox’s virulent expression was because he was pissed off that this imposter had killed his partner and friend and maybe-or-maybe-not love interest.

They arrested her on the spot; her ranting and raving about how this wasn’t right and things weren’t fair only strengthened the local cops’ resolve that this was the lunatic who had done a terrorism. And Nick actually did not say a word to stop and correct them. Don’t think he didn’t care for Judy, he cared for her deeply, but he was still annoyed that she was calling him a murderer when the whole thing could have been avoided if she just hadn’t bashfully withheld information from him. No, he didn’t think that she deserved to be falsely charged for someone else’s actions, but he did think that a little payback might do her good, and besides, an extremely basic and barebones investigation would determine soon enough that Judy was not Jolene.

Alas, city boy that he was, Nick underestimated how little small-town justice cared for due process. The bunny’s trial was rushed through the courts, all the while Judy protested for her innocence -- which did succeed in avoiding her jail time, but landed her in the loony bin instead. As of this writing, she is currently wasting away in an insane asylum that should have been shut down decades ago but was bought by a private owner for profit. Nick tries to visit her, but she hasn’t been capable of comprehensible speech for months at this point. Disgusted with the perversion of the justice system, Nick quit the police in protest and went back to his hustling ways, and he is now an OnlyFans billionaire.

Chapter Text

Judy looked at her partner, then at Jolene, then at the weapon… She had a plan, she couldn’t trust her own sister would let them go so easily, after all, Jolene wanted them dead if she couldn’t frame them at this point. But now, Judy took the decision to keep fighting to get the gun out of her sister’s paws. The bunny cop without her attire relaxed her arms a bit and then pulled the weapon hard. Jolene tripped and fell onto Judy, not expecting such a move, and still, Jolene was holding the weapon and struggling in the fight. Judy put her finger on the trigger, she was aiming towards the tall fox, but her sister noticed it and kept preventing Judy to shoot.

“So this is how it is…” Jolene then spoke up and looked at the tall fox. “Ned, shoot him now!”

“Spare him, please! You don’t have to hear her!” Judy pleaded, screaming.

“My name’s Eddie!” The fox answered in frustration, only to be met with a gaze of Jolene. “Alright, alright, I’ll do it.”

Nick, for once, had fear in his eyes, he couldn’t dodge the shot from such a little distance, he didn’t have time and the weapon was big enough to make sure he’d be dead. “P-Please… No, I’ll let you go, I’ll do whatever you want, please!” He totally lost his cool, he was seeing the end of his road, he was helpless and not even his silver tongue would help him now. “I-I know people, spare me!”

“I don’t really want to mess with her, she’s scary, you know.” Eddie pointed at Jolene, who practically growled seeing her partner wasn’t doing his job.

“It’s an order, shoot him NOW!”

Eddie aimed again at Nick, shocked on the ground, he tried to get up and time slowed down. Judy saw the finger of Eddie pulling the trigger, she let go of the weapon of Jolene and pushed her away. Nick tried to get up quickly, just as the shot was fired from the barrel. Judy ran, and ran, and ran for dear life, tears in her eyes, rushing to her partner. The fox got a bit up… but his abdomen met the shot and was quickly pushed down again, with a huge groan of pain.

“NICK!” The bunny screamed and got closer to the fox, who coughed once and weakly. “Nonononono, please, no, hold on!” She pressed the wound with a cloth from her pocket. He was bleeding, his body was limp, but he still was breathing.

“C... Carrots…” His gaze met hers, painful eyes against a horrified gaze. She was trying to hold him from bleeding, but it was almost useless, a cloth cannot cover much more than what it did.

“Keep your strength, just keep with me, please, don’t leave me!” Judy couldn’t contain her tears, a bad decision made this happen. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

Nick shakingly lifted his right arm and put his paw on her cheek. “I… love… you…” And then he dropped it, starting to close his eyes.

“Nick, Nick! Keep with me, please!” She called the emergency services and tried to inform them as quickly as possible. “Come as fast as you can, need life support!” After a confirmation, she put the phone away. “I won’t let you die, I’ll try everything to save you!”

The fox’s eyes were now closed, still breathing, but really weak. Judy’s soul was being crushed by such a situation, she couldn’t believe her sister wasn’t bluffing and that would do such a wicked thing… and now, that same bunny was satisfied.

Eddie pointed the gun at Judy. “Her too?”

Jolene just held the gun, but put it on her shoulder. “Nah, no need, it’s better to keep her shattered like this.” Then she walked up to the window. “But if we want to keep doing crimes and getting more money while we can bring down this idealized society, we have to get out now. Oswald!”

The badger shakily turned his head. “Y-Yes, ma’am?”

“Stop the train now, or you know what will happen.” Jolene loaded her weapon.

“O-Of course, right now!” Ozzy pulled the lever and the train was slowly stopping until it came to a halt.

“Perfect.” Jolene then used her weapon to shatter the glass. “Come on, Ned, let’s go.”

“Name’s Eddie!” He screamed again when both jumped out the train, running far before the cops could get to them.

Oswyn tried to also stop the bleeding and help Nick with the things he had at paw and his knowledge.

The services came and rushed towards the badly injured fox, his breathing was lowering each second and his heart rate went dangerously down. Judy couldn’t hold herself and tears flowed on her cheeks while they were in the ambulance, occasionally using the defibrillator to keep him alive. Nick was losing the battle, Judy was shattered, that’s the scene that Jolene and Eddie left before leaving the place

The news anchor appeared on TV. “Hello, I’m Fabienne Growley to ZNN. A huge wave of criminality started spreading through Zootopia since the hijackers of the train left the crime scene in which two officers were, and they couldn’t stop the criminals. We have our correspondent in the place. What’s the situation, Quilda?”

A female porcupine appeared on the screen. “Thanks, Fabienne. I’m in Savanna Central, where some riots started. I’ll try to get someone for the interview…” She started looking around and approached a beaver. “Hey, can you answer some questions, please?”

The male beaver turned around. “I guess, but be quick, I have to build a protection for this house next to me.”

The porcupine didn’t waste a second. “Why are the mammals rioting now?”

“From hearsay, I know a lot of mammals are disappointed in the police, they started rioting because they think they need to be stronger to face the dangers.”

“Any reason this happened?” Quilda asked and gave the microphone, but a group of masked mammals came into the scene, they all were different heights and shapes.

“If ZPD’s finest officers cannot stop some lowly terrorists, then why should we leave our safety in their arms? We’re taking the law of the jungle, only the strongest survives.” Then, they returned the microphone. “For now… you’re safe.” They said before disappearing.

Quilda turned to the camera. “You heard it, Fabienne, they’re really upset about the situation. I shall just leave from here if you allow me, I have to protect myself…” The voice was fading off as the camera cut the transmission.

The snow leopard got confused, but still nodded. “Go find somewhere to hide.” She cleared her throat. “On the same page, sadly we have to announce the passing of one of the finest officers… The fox cop known as Nicholas Wilde passed away during the hijacking. We don’t know much about it, but our condolences go to his family and friends.” Then, after a really long pause, she kept talking. “On to other issues…”

Some days have passed since the fateful day of the hijacking and the passing of Nick. Judy was still on the job, but it wasn’t the same, not even his fox friend Vol could help her, she was devastated. She had her mind occupied by many thoughts, but she took the decision and went to Bogo. Her partner, seeing the bunny like this, went with her silently. Judy knocked on the door and the chief allowed them to go in.

“Chief Bogo.” She plainly said, her face serious with hints of sadness.

“Officer Hopps, to what do I owe your visit?” Bogo asked, confused, after all, she had her assignments already, there’d be no real reason other than…

Judy took her badge from her chest and put it on the table at the astonishment of the fox and the buffalo. “I resign… and I’m not coming back this time…”

“W-Wait, Judy, don’t do this, we have some mammals to stop and others to help, think about it!” The blue fox pleaded.

She just sighed and turned to him, practically like a robot. “I gave it a second and a third thought… and I’m sure of this decision.”

“Hopps… Just why? That's all I wanna know. You fought to the very end for this job, you risked a lot… Why now?”

Judy took some air and decided to throw all the stuff in her mind. “Because of a bad decision I made, the city is on fire… again. Because of a bad decision, my… sister and another terrorist are on the loose. And because of a bad decision, my partner… is dead.” She finished, plainly again.

“B-But we’re together in this as well, Judy, we can do this!” Vol tried to appeal to her heart, but seemed to no avail.

She turned again to the fox. “We are… or more alike, we were partners, but I cannot risk anyone’s lives anymore. I cannot let anyone die because of me, that’s why I’m resigning. If I make a bad decision… I’d rather be the only one suffering from it.”

“B-But…” The fox again pleaded, but Bogo lifted his hoof to shut him up.

“And this IS a bad decision. You’re gonna risk other mammals’ lives. There are terrorists on the loose and riots everywhere, we NEED you, Hoops!”

Judy just sighed. “Zootopia doesn’t need me, you don’t need me… All this mess and the previous mess… I caused it, and I’m done making mistakes and destroying Zootopia… I cannot undo this. I’m sorry.” With that, she got off the chair and started slowly walking towards the door.

“Hopps… The ZPD did their best with you. Don’t leave us now, we really need your skills. We need your help. You’re our finest officer.” Bogo also kind of pleaded on his own way.

“...who made a bad decision and got another finest officer-” She stopped halfway. “I cannot do it, I’m sorry.”

The fox wanted to go to her, but the buffalo shook his head as Vol saw him. There was no point.

Judy took her belongings in silence, not even a greet of Clawhauser lifted her mood, he just saw her going with sad steps, even crushing his poor soul. She took the train to BunnyBurrow, avoiding any conflict within the city. She got in and left Zootopia once and for all. Upon returning to her hometown, Judy got instantly hugged by her parents, but she was unresponsive at such an act of warm love, Judy just wanted to be at her home and be a carrot farmer, what Nick told her to be the first time they met.

Zootopia was a chaos, the officers had their paws and hooves full, it was tiring. Vol got assigned a new partner and he occasionally visited Judy when the situation let him rest. The bunny accepted the life of a carrot farmer while going to a therapist, thanks to her parents, to try and feel better mentally. Jolene was successful and, with Eddie by her side, they spread terror and chaos. She successfully shattered her own sister and made Judy have the job Jolene had, making her suffer the fact that her dreams got crushed. Gazelle couldn’t unite mammals for now with her songs even though she tried her hardest, but eventually had to hide from the public eye. Shane kept on putting on music and giving news, but it was becoming increasingly difficult even for him to have a normal peaceful life…

Judy kept on blaming herself all the time for the decision she made. Nick was right all along: She was just a dumb bunny…

Chapter Text

Judy shook her head. The closet was not important. Right now, the most important thing was catching up with Jolene. And since her sister had also gotten the Hopps family speed genes, that wasn’t going to be the simplest of tasks. They were just about equally matched in terms of sheer footpower, but Judy did have one advantage: Jolene had to stop to open the doors between cars, which then closed so slowly and lethargically that Judy could slip through before they shut again. Over the course of the last few coaches, Judy found herself inching closer, little by little. 

The scene in the penultimate car was absolutely chaotic. Dozens of mammals, packed against each other against their will like sardines, yelped and recoiled in shock as a gray blur shot through the car, zigzagging between countless legs and other appendages with blinding speed. A second later, the cacophony of noises doubled down, as a second gray blur – nearly identical to the first – followed closely behind. As one anonymous passenger put it:

“...Wait, hold up, there’s TWO of them now!?”

Jolene’s eyes darted around in desperation, searching for anything she could use to widen the gap between her and her goody-two-shoes sister. Her paw shot out and grabbed up a cane that was leaning against a chair and hurled it behind her at Judy. It missed striking her outright, but the bounce on the floor did cause the bunny cop to stumble slightly. Jolene gained a few extra feet of breathing room as she made it to the door and powered through it.

Finally, the promised land: the engine car. Once Jolene was in there, she could shut and lock the door behind her to keep that usurping sister of hers out. She didn’t waste time looking back as she burst out of the car full of hostages, across the gap through the rubber accordion tunnel, and swung the final door open into the operator’s compartment. In the same swift motion, she spun and shoved the door shut, engaging the lock and buying herself some time to breathe.

“Boo.”

“AAAHHHH!” Jolene just about hit the ceiling as she jumped at the sound of her sister behind her. “HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE!?”

“Well, if rabbits’ feet are lucky, I’ve got two of ‘em,” the officer quipped with a smirk that would make Nick proud. “And they seem to be just a smidge faster than yours.”

Cornered, Jolene glared as she caught her breath and found the words she wanted: “Alright… you’re locked in here with me now, are you happy? What’s your next step?”

“Hey, hey…” Judy said as tenderly as she could given the tense situation. “I just wanna talk things out.”

“Oh, what’s there to talk about, you dumb bunny!?” the bandit spat.

“Tell me how I can fix this -- how we can fix this,” Judy said as diplomatically as she could. “You’re hurt because of the domino effect my success caused… so tell me what you’d like to see happen to make things better.”

But her sister was unmoved. “What I’d like? What I’d like is for my original plan to go off without a hitch and you get your reputation destroyed, but -- call it a hunch -- I don’t think you’re gonna be eager to just go along with that, now are ya?”

Okay, maybe Judy had walked right into that one, but she soldiered on: “...No, that’s one thing I will not be helping with,” she said slowly and calmly, “not after how hard I’ve worked to get to where I am, I’m not throwing all that--”

“Oh, will you shut up about how hard you’ve worked!?” Jolene said as sharply as she’d said anything thus far. “Y’know what? Sure, you did work hard to get where you are. Well I don’t care! I could care less about how hard you’ve worked, what I care about is how you treat other people! I’d rather be a lazy person who cares about watching others succeed in life, than someone psychotically career-driven like you! You can say all you want that you became a cop to help people, but if you really did, you would have stopped for five seconds to think about the consequences your success would have on the people you left behind!”

Judy could not lie, Jolene was beginning to test her patience. But she was determined to talk this out like two emotionally-mature women; she just had to keep her cadence measured and her tone respectful. “Now, Jolene… your feelings are valid--”

“And will you knock it off with that slow, calm talk!? In your head, you probably think you sound confident, but really, you’re just sound condescending! Like you think you’re the ‘real’ adult in this conversation!”

“Jolene--”

“You bitch.”

…Yeah, alright, that broke her. Officer Hopps could no longer maintain her professional demeanor. Well, if Jolene thought the only way this conversation could be genuine was for it to be unhinged, okay, Judy could do unhinged.

“Alright, Jolene, you wound-up hussy, I was going easy on you! Because the fact of the matter is I have you dead to rights and I feel sorry for you because you’re my own flesh and blood. But I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that in a family the size of ours, there’s gonna be one or two of you who’s gonna turn out like you. C’mon, you really wanna go on about how I treat other people when you’re directly threatening lives like this!? And we wouldn’t even be having this conversation if your half-baked plan was even remotely as airtight as you seemed to think it was!”

Jolene narrowed her eyes. “What did you just say to me?”

Judy smirked meanly at her sister. “I said that your oh-so-amazing master plan was half-baked.” Her grin turned slightly sinister. “Just like your life in general.”

Jolene let out a primal scream, and the next thing Judy knew, her sister was flying through the air, lunging at her with full fury. Judy barely had time to brace herself for impact, and when the two of them collided, it sent them falling to the floor. Jolene did not hold back, immediately slashing at Judy’s face with her claws, and trying to dig her buck teeth into her shoulder. Judy’s police training immediately kicked in, and she managed to dodge most of the more vicious attacks, though only just. She focused most of her attention on defense, rather than offense; despite everything that was happening, Jolene was still her sister, and she didn't want to hurt her.

Jolene, clearly, felt otherwise. When she was unable to get close to Judy’s face, she swiped one of her paws to the back of Judy’s head and grabbed one of her ears. She yanked it hard, jerking Judy’s head back and causing the bunny to let out a cry of pain. A satisfied smile crossed her face, and she took advantage of Judy’s sudden distraction by grabbing her other ear with her other paw.

“Stop pulling my ears, stop pulling my ears, stop pulling my ears, never pull a bunny’s ears!” The words left Judy’s mouth faster than she could think them; she must have spouted that exact phrase to Nick more times than she had thought.

Her sister must have been confused why Judy would tell her – a fellow bunny – not to pull a bunny’s ears, because her paws froze mid-pull. Judy saw her opportunity and whirled around, freeing her ears from Jolene’s grasp and throwing herself against her sister’s body, knocking her flat against the floor of the car.

This was about the time that the engine car door opened again and Nick and Ned calmly walked in on the calamity still in progress. They both stopped just within the compartment seeing the escalating fight. Nick stared at the two bunnies brawling on the floor and said,  “Holy cow, what did we miss while we were locked in that closet?”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” the improbably statured fox tsk-tsked, “don’t you know you’re supposed to show rather than tell your exposition?”

Nick raised an eyebrow. “This… this isn’t a fictional narrative here, Brando.”

“But it is a narrative!” the thespian said with a raised finger. “All the world’s a stage, after all.”

The two bunnies were on the ground now, their bodies locked in an uncomfortable position as they wrestled, trying to overpower each other. Neither of them seemed to gain an advantage, but with how furiously they exchanged blows, it looked like the fight might continue forever.

Nick was uninterested in letting it last that long. Deciding that enough was enough, he puffed his chest, took a deep breath, and called out as loudly as he possibly could, “Carrots!”

Both bunnies turned their heads at the sound of a voice that wasn’t theirs. They turned to see Nick jogging up to them, followed by Ned.

“Nick! Oh thank goodness you’re safe!” Judy said in relief.

“Ned! Where the hell have you been?!” Jolene yelled. “Get over here and do something productive for once in your miserable life, you freak!”

The two foxes exchanged glances, before looking at the battered and bruised bunnies in front of them.

“No no, I think we’re good,” Nick replied.

“NED!” Jolene yelled.

“What?! I didn’t say it, he did!” Ned protested, pointing at the (comparatively) shorter fox beside him.

“Why are the two of you together, anyway? Where have you been?” Judy asked, still struggling to stop Jolene’s paw from scratching her face.

“Well, it’s a really long story, but we kinda ended up stuck in a closet together.”

The two bunnies paused mid-scuffle just to stare at the two foxes like they had lost their marbles.

“What the hell were you doing in a closet together? Making out?!” Jolene barked.

“Eww, gross!” Nick stuck his tongue out in disgust, before turning to Ned. “No offense, bud, you’re just not my type.”

“None taken.” Ned shrugged non-committally. 

Judy opened her mouth to say something, but decided against it. She shook her head. “Nick, help me get her off!”

Nick shot her a smirk at that.

“NICK!”

“Alright, alright, just cool it down, both of you. I’m sure we can sort things out in a nice, non-violent way.” Nick held his paws out, before walking over to them. 

“Seems a bit too late for that,” Ned mumbled, following suit.

The two foxes circled around, trying to find a way to untangle the two bunnies from each other.

“Okay, let’s see…we pull this arm from under here, remove this knee from this neck…” Nick mumbled.

A few seconds and one game of Reverse Twister later, the two bunnies were finally separated, though they both looked the worse for wear.

“Alrighty, sooo…” Nick began, “while we were in there, Stretch here gave me the CliffNotes version of what’s going on: his name is Eddie, but she calls him ‘Ned’ because it’s alliterative with ‘Nick’ and also because she doesn’t respect his self-identity, he’s an aspiring actor who can’t book professional work besides embarrassing roles for freakish characters because he’s several standard deviations taller than a fox is expected to be, but he was convinced to do this on the premise that playing me would be the performance of a lifetime…”

“That’s right!” N’Eddie beamed.

“...And the director of this performance…” Nick slowly and deliberately pointed at the fraudulent Judy. “...Man, I was gonna sing the country song to mock you, but it dawns upon me I don’t know any of the words besides, y’know, the title.”

“And also it’s her sister,” the vulpine thespian blurted out.

“Yeah, I was getting to that.”

Jolene looked none too pleased to be introduced so unceremoniously, but drawing a blank on any snappy comebacks, she settled on a dirty glare at the officer fox to speak for her. This left a gap open for Judy to say something.

“I… was hoping you wouldn’t find out this way,” she confessed bashfully. “...Or, ever, to be honest.”

“Jeez, Carrots, I knew I was gonna meet more of your family on this trip, but I didn’t think it’d be like this--”

Before Nick could finish, there was a sudden high-pitched screech that rang through the entire train. All four of them instinctively covered their ears, the foxes falling to the ground while the bunnies barely managed to stay on their feet.

“What’s happening?!” Nick yelled. “What was that sound?”

“Oh, that’s the sound of a shredded wheel,” Ned said matter-of-factly. “Train wheels aren’t meant to go this fast for this long. The wheels are all going to start failing spectacularly all the way down the line before too long.”

The other three all shouted some form of “WHAT!?” more or less in unison.

“How do you know that!?” Jolene demanded.

“Because trains are cool,” the lanky fox shrugged with a smirk. “What, am I not allowed to have hobbies outside of acting?”

“W-wait,” Judy stammered, “does that mean you know a lot about trains!? A-a-and that you’re acting so calm because you know this isn’t as big of a deal as it sounds like?”

“Not a big deal? Pshaw, everyone on this train is in unspeakable peril, plus anybody on the ground in the immediate area!”

“W-well,” Nick spoke up, “are you calm about it because with all your train nerding you know how to fix this!?”

“Oh, heavens, no!” Ned scoffed playfully. “I entered this project fully prepared to die for my art, and if anything, the idea that it might incorporate an historic rail accident…? Ooh, I’m giddy just thinking about it! What can I say? I love drama!”

The other fox and the two bunnies were speechless for a second.

“With my doctorate degree from the School of Hard Knocks,” Nick remarked, “I formally diagnose you with Histrionic Personality Disorder.”

“O-okay, well,” Jolene stuttered as she hopped to her feet -- stumbling a bit as the floor shook beneath her, but she got her balance after a second, “hooray for you that you’re at peace with this, Ned, but I wanna live, so as your director, I’m saying let’s am-scray!”

“Wait, hold on!” Judy hollered before her sister could make it more than a few steps towards the exit. “We have to stop this thing!”

“Are you touched in the head!? If everyone on this train dies, including you, and they find your bodies without ours, they’ll think for sure you two really did it and you won’t be alive to defend yourselves!” The bandit bunny was about to begin sprinting away again, but had a sudden thought to include one more remark before she did: “Guess my plan isn’t so half-baked now, huh Judith?”

Judy had no answer.

Taking her silence as affirmation, Jolene sneered, unlocking the cabin door and yanking it open. 

“We’re outta here. Come on, Ned!”

Nick gave Judy a side eye, keeping his mouth shut. Despite the imminent danger, there was only one thought that crossed his mind. Thank God I’m an only child.

Without further hesitation, Jolene disappeared behind the ginormous figure of Ned as the monstrously large fox made his way to the doorway. He paused just long enough to turn around and shoot an apologetic look at the two officers. “I just wanted to tell you both: good luck. We’re all counting on you.” 

And then the door closed, leaving the two of them alone.

Judy blinked at the closed door. “Wait a minute…” She turned to Nick in disbelief. “Did he just quote Airplane? To us?! Now, of all times?!”

“It appears he did, yes,” Nick nodded. “Me saying he had HPD wasn’t just a clever quip, Carrots, I meant that. But enough beating around the bush, we’ve got a job to do!”

“You’re right, let’s get on it!”

The two instantly nodded, and then began running in opposite directions. After a moment, they realised the other wasn’t following them, and they skidded to a stop.

“Wait, where are you going?!” They both yelled simultaneously.

“Going to get them, of course!” Judy was the first to answer.

“What!?” asked the fox. “Carrots, you maniac, I meant stopping the train!”

“And let the hijackers get away scot-free!?” Judy shot back without missing a beat. “After all the damage they’ve caused!?”

Nick was incredulous. “What’s the point of capturing them if we all die!?”

Judy was unshaken. “What’s the point of living if they’ve got all of these ignorant mammals convinced that we did it? The ZPD already botched the Nighthowler case before we figured it out for them, you think they won’t mess up a second time?”

The fox’s ears went flat. “...Holy crap, that is grim.”

“This whole situation is grim, Nick,” Judy retorted darkly. “But we need a decision now.”

“I know we do! Uh… c-can we split up and do both?”

“Or should we put our heads together and focus on one or the other?”

Well, well, well. Time for one final decision, dear reader. And let us not sugarcoat things, this is very much a life-or-death situation. Choose wisely.

To focus on capturing the culprits, turn to Chapter 81.

To focus on stopping the train, turn to Chapter 85.

And to split the duo up and have them try to do both solo, turn to Chapter 88.

Chapter Text

There was no time to think about this. Judy ran. This was the epitome of personal.

“Wait!” Nick hollered as he followed her. He wasn’t satisfied with this decision, but he wasn’t going to let her go alone.

The hijackers had a big head start, and between the lanky fox’s long legs and the rabbit’s quick feet, it might have been insurmountable had all things been equal. But the chaos of the situation wound up working in the officers’ favor.

The train shook even more violently than before as they made their way through the cars, struggling to enter one before their imposters moved onto the next. All the while, terrified passengers grew even more harried as they thought they were seeing double. Judy had the mind that she could use that to their advantage, if she could just close the gap enough to be able to get the passengers’ attention and instruct them to tackle the fakes before they disappeared again.

But they didn’t need to. By the third car, after a particularly rough tumble, Nick and Judy entered the coach to see that Ned and Jolene had tripped and fallen -- badly. By the looks of things, the overgrown fox’s bones must have been stretched to the point of fragility, because he was clutching a clearly-broken leg as he screamed in agony in the aisle. The bad bunny, however, was utterly silent, as her still body and large gash on her forehead next to a bloodied seat armrest painted a picture of her own injury.

“Oh, my God…” Nick murmured at the sight.

Judy, meanwhile, was speechless. She’d wanted her sister neutralized, but not like this. A quick check of Jolene’s nose and wrist confirmed she was beating blood and breathing, but she was definitely out for the count. And despite all that had happened, Officer Hopps couldn’t help but feel horrible seeing her flesh and blood like this. Everything was just going so, so very wrong.

“We need to go back and stop the train!” Nick pleaded with her.

She wasted no breath agreeing. Hopping to her feet, she took off with him back to the engine car. The shaking of the train was getting worse by the second. They only slowed down when they reached the perilous crossing between cars, being careful to cross the gap as the floor beneath their feet rocked back and forth.

Back and forth, back and forth.

And forth, and forth, and forth…

Those who were lucky didn’t die until they were at the hospital. Most, however, didn’t make it that far. The fatal bend that finally caused the derailment existed because it followed the curvature of a riverbank, so when the train toppled, it landed in the water. If the exploding glass from the windows didn’t take you out, hitting your head during the tumble and landing unconscious in the pooling water would have done the trick.

And that was it. A lengthy study of the accident scene did eventually conclude that the hijackers were not the real Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps, but that information didn’t make anybody feel any better. Nothing was resolved, nobody got closure, nobody grew as a person or learned anything; people were just dead. It was a stark reminder for the denizens of Zootopia that for the two famous cops who many said deserved to have a movie made about them, sometimes lives end meaninglessly in a way that would not make a very compelling story. But such is life. The only ones who benefitted from this were dozens of faceless YouTube documentarians who now had fodder for one more quick video to net them a few more dollars.

That’s it. Go away.

…No, seriously, no long dramatic epilogue or anything, they died and didn’t get to see what happened afterwards, so why should you? Listen, I understand the decision to go chase the criminals, but the train was already actively crashing, what did you think was gonna happen?

Okay… listen. You can take that ending as it is, or… you can see what’s behind Door #2. What’s behind Door #2? Well, it’s a mulligan; this ending never happened and you get an entirely different one. It could be better, it could be worse, I don’t know your values or what you consider a satisfying ending. So, it’s up to you: do you want to double down on the choice you made, or do you want to walk away?

For an alternate ending you may or may not prefer, turn to Chapter 86.

To accept the choice you’ve already made as final, close your browser and go for a walk outside or something.

Chapter Text

“Time to make good use of this!” Judy said, retrieving the grenade launcher from her back, loading in a tear gas round. Peeking out over the top of the tool chest, she fired at the TUSK squad.

The round exploded in a white cloud, which was quickly joined by others like it as the rabbit shot more tear gas grenades.

Officers nearby hunched over, covering their eyes and trying to get away from the clouds. Nick and other prisoners opened fire as the ZPD and TUSK mammals attempted to flee.

The parking lot was soon littered with dead or incapacitated officers, the way to freedom being completely cleared.

“So that’s why you were top of your class at the academy,” Nick said, smirking.

“Come on, let’s take one of the cruisers,” Judy said. “We can tune into the police radio to avoid other officers.”

The tear gas clouds dissipating, the fox and bunny climbed into one of the ZPD cruisers in the parking lot, adjusting the seating to fit mammals of their sizes.

“Man, I hope none of those officers were mammals we knew,” Nick said, sitting in the driver’s seat. “Hey do you think this technically makes us responsible for-“

“Ah, let’s not think about that!” Judy stammered.

With a silent acknowledgment, Nick started up the cruiser and navigated out of the parking lot. They crashed through a gateway in the chain-link fence around the prison, passing by a panicked wildcat in a guard booth.

Turning onto the main road, the cruiser picked up speed. The broken prison fading from view, pillars of smoke were still rising from within. The fox and bunny stayed silent, quietly mulling over all that had transpired as the adrenaline from their breakout wore off. They were still incapable of grasping the fact that they had gone from distinguished police officers, to wrongfully accused, to escaped prisoners.

“Alright….” Judy said, finally speaking up. “Where to…”

ESCAPE SUCCESSFUL!

Chapter Text

“Oh! Oh! Now is the perfect time!” Nick said excitedly, pulling out one of the gourd shaped riot foam grenades.

The fox activated the weapon and threw it, where it landed between two TUSK officers. The grenade exploded, throwing a tan colored foam liquid in all directions, quickly expanding and hardening, becoming stuck to the ground, vehicles, and mammals.

The TUSK officers attempted to flail and get the substance off, their bodies restrained by the hardened foam. Caught out of cover, Judy quickly incapacitated both mammals with bean bag rounds.

Nick rolled another grenade under a police cruiser, where it burst and showered two ZPD officers. Another grenade coated the side of a police van and a TUSK trooper nearby.

The officers incapacitated, the prisoners charged forward, opening fire with their rifles and shotguns, dispatching the immobilized enemies with ease.

One mammal, a bear, managed to use his strength to shake off the foam, the material dropping off his body in chunks. But this took so long to accomplish, that by the time he had freed himself, some of the other prisoners already had their weapons trained on him. The bear met a grisly end.

“Haha! Oh, that was awesome!” Nick cheered. “That worked better than I ever thought it would! It’s like evil cake frosting!”

“Now I see why you were so excited about using those things,” Judy said.

“Right?! Hey, come on! Why don’t we take one of the cruisers? You can drive a stick shift right? Unless you want this charming fox to be your chauffeur.”

Judy rolled her eyes as Nick tried to clean some of the hardened riot foam off the mirror of a cruiser. The fox and bunny climbed inside the ZPD vehicle, adjusting the seating to fit mammals of their sizes.

“Man, I hope none of those officers were mammals we knew.” Nick said, sitting in the driver’s seat. “Hey do you think this technically makes us responsible for-“

“Ah, let’s not think about that!” Judy stammered.

With a silent acknowledgment, Nick started up the cruiser and navigated out of the parking lot, crashing through a gateway in the chain-link fence around the prison, passing by a panicked wildcat in a guard booth.

Turning onto the main road, the cruiser picked up speed. The broken prison fading from view, pillars of smoke were still rising from within. The fox and bunny stayed silent, quietly mulling over all that had transpired as the adrenaline from their breakout wore off. They were still incapable of grasping the fact that they had gone from distinguished police officers, to wrongfully accused, to escaped prisoners.

“Alright….” Judy said, finally speaking up. “Where to…”

ESCAPE SUCCESSFUL!

Chapter Text

Judy shot one last look at her sister, barely catching a glimpse of the bunny before the door to the following car closed behind her.

She groaned. “Fiddlesticks.” Every fiber of her being wanted to continue the chase, but the noises from the closet were growing more and more intense, and her instincts told her somebody needed her help. She couldn’t just ignore them–and besides, there wasn’t anywhere for her sister to run, anyway.

She grabbed the handle to the closet, swung the door open wide, and…

Dropped her jaw at the sight in front of her.

Nick was there, and he wasn’t alone. Another fox–a gargantuan, insanely humungous leviathan of a fox–was crammed up against the walls of the closet. One of his shoulders popped into the open as the door freed him from his cramped prison, which gave Judy an uninhibited view of what was going on. The two foxes’ faces were pressed together, their lips touching in a heated kiss. Nick’s arms were hanging from the freak’s neck, and the other fox’s tail curled up between Nick’s feet and looked like it had started to rise up his legs just before Judy opened the door.

Both of their eyes were wide open now, and were staring at her with a mixture of shock and embarrassment. However, they otherwise remained frozen in the exact same position they had been in just a moment ago, before Judy had caught them.

For several long, uncomfortable seconds, the three of them stared at each other, none of them moving an inch. Finally, however, the ginormous fox pulled his lips away from Nick and shot Judy a sly smile–one that reminded her way too much of the fox he had just been kissing. “Hey. You wanna join in?”

Judy ignored him and turned her attention to Nick. She crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow, curious what he could possibly say to explain this situation he had found himself in.

Nick cleared his throat and shot her a forced grin. “Hey, Carrots. I wasn’t expecting you to show up this soon!”

“Clearly,” Judy agreed.

“Yeah, well, funny story. This here is Eddie–”

“Ned!” The other fox extended a paw that looked better suited for a mountain lion. “Pleased to meet you, Judy! Jolene’s told me all about you!”

Judy blinked. “‘Pleased to meet…’” A thousand questions overwhelmed her brain all at once, and she shook her head at the sudden headache that overcame her. She turned her attention back to Nick. “Isn’t that the fox that’s been impersonating you this whole time?”

“Yeah! Isn’t that hilarious? I mean, look at us! We look nothing alike!” Nick pressed his head against Ned’s neck, trying to offer Judy a clean comparison. “I get the feeling a lot of people are going to feel pretty stupid once this is all over.”

“I’m feeling pretty stupid right now,” Judy groaned under her breath. Then she asked the most obvious question next, and she did so in a much louder voice: “What are you doing kissing him?!”

“Oh, that.” Nick side-eyed Ned and gave a mischievous smile. “We got in a bit of a scuffle, and ended up locked in here together. It was too cramped to fight anymore, so we started talking instead. Turns out, Ned’s just a big softy, and he never meant to hurt us. Jolene put him up to it.” His eyes widened. “Oh, right! Jolene! Judy, it’s your sister! She’s the one–”

“I know, I know, I just saw her.” Judy pointed at the door where Jolene had disappeared. “She’s off that way. And you know what?” She turned on her heel and started to walk away. “I’m going to go stop her now. Don’t bother coming with me, Nick. In fact, don’t bother partnering up with me ever again!”

“Wait, Carrots!” Nick huffed a few times as he wiggled free from the confined closet, then the sound of rapid footsteps followed as he ran up to Judy and fell into step behind her. “This doesn’t mean anything! The two of us were stuck in the closet–”

“An excellent metaphor,” Ned called.

“And we figured there wasn’t anything better to do to pass the time. That’s all there was to it.”

Judy didn’t really care whether Nick was telling the truth or not. Truthfully, she was not the least bit bothered by what she had just seen. All she cared about was the fact that she could have caught Jolene by now if she hadn’t been distracted by the two kissing foxes. Now that Jolene had a head start, she could have done any number of things to compromise the train, and time was rapidly running out before it would be too late to stop her.

However, saying all of that to Nick would waste precious time. With no better way of explaining herself, she stopped in her tracks, grabbed the fox by his tie, yanked his head down to her level, and pressed her lips against his.

She meant for it to last only a second or two–a silent way to communicate to the fox that she still cared about him despite what she needed to focus her attention on. However, the moment the kiss began, her mind suddenly went completely blank. The freakish size of Ned became little more than a distant fascination. The urgency of catching Jolene felt like a faraway memory. The train itself seemed to disappear around her, leaving just her and Nick standing together alone. The small giraffe…what was her name? Who cared anymore? She was kissing Nick Wilde.

And Nick Wilde was a darned good kisser.

It took the fox a few seconds to recover from the shock, but once he did, he leaned deeply into the kiss. He cupped his paw against Judy’s cheek with one paw, and began stroking her ears down the length of her back with the other. In turn, she rubbed her paw against the fox’s neck, while still gripping his tie tightly to silently forbid him from daring to pull away.

It did not take long for the kiss to become much more heated. Their lips parted, allowing their tongues to explore the inside of each other’s mouths. Judy grasped tufts of Nick’s fur. Nick pulled the bunny close, allowing their bodies to press together. Quiet moans of pleasure sounded from both of their throats, which slowly grew more intense as time went on.

Time must have gone on for quite some time, because the next thing Judy knew, the door behind her opened back up. Some trigger in the back of her mind warned her that it was probably Jolene, and she should really break off from the kiss to check and see, but Nick had just given her tail a sharp squeeze and at the moment that felt way more important. After a few seconds of silence, she did manage to open her eyes and glance at the door.

Yep. It was Jolene. Her sister was standing there and staring at them making out in the middle of the car, probably with the exact same expression she had made when she caught Nick and Ned making out in the closet.

Judy smiled. “Hi, Sis.” Then she turned back to Nick, ready to kiss him again.

“What the fire truck is going on here?!”

Jolene’s scream finally brought Judy back to reality. She jerked her head back from Nick so quickly that she almost choked on his saliva. She quickly sized up Jolene, trying to see if her sister was armed with anything that might hurt them.

To her relief, however, Jolene was completely defenseless. In fact, Jolene was wearing less than before; she had stripped off her plaid jacket and jeans, in favor of a form-fitting tank top and shorts.

Ned seemed to have finally freed himself of the closet. He walked up behind them and waved at Jolene jovially. “Heya, Jolene! What are you doing here? I thought you were going to blow up the engine like had–”

“Yeah, well…” Jolene groaned as an unpleasant memory entered her mind. “Turns out that badger engineer knows a thing or two about disarming bombs, and…” She shook her head. “Forget it. Our plan is in shambles anyway.” She turned her attention to Judy. “You win, Sis. I hope you’re happy. You saved the day. You took down the bad guys. You got the dashing mate. It all worked out perfectly for you.” She let out a sigh. “As usual,” she finished in a murmur.

Judy raised an eyebrow. “That’s it? You’re giving up? Just like that?”

Jolene slowly nodded her head. “Yeah. I’ve got nothing left. My plans failed. I failed. I’m a failure, and I’ll always be a failure.”

Judy wanted so bad to be mad at her sister. After all, she had impersonated her, nearly gotten her and everyone else on the train killed, and did a lot of other bad things that she was sure she didn’t even know about. But right now, she could only look at Jolene with pity. The bunny was reduced to just a poor, bitter shell of the sister she once knew–so driven by vengeance, and yet so broken by failure. She just didn’t have the heart to chastise her. But at the same time, she didn’t exactly want to help her feel better, either.

Ned, however, seemed to. The enormous fox rushed past her and Nick, knelt down in front of Jolene, and gave her a big hug, practically causing her to disappear inside his grasp.

“You’re not a failure, Jolene,” he assured her. “Not to me!”

Jolene’s arms flailed as Ned lifted her off the ground. “Put me down, you buffoon!” she demanded. “I don’t need your pity! I don’t want your pity!”

Ned held her out in front of her, gripping her tightly. “It’s not pity,” he replied.

She glared at him and stopped moving. “Then what is it?”

His lips against hers answered her question.

Judy and Nick both stared in disbelief at the sight in front of them. Jolene struggled against Ned, but to no avail. She tried to call out, but the sound was severely muffled. She tried to flail her arms again, but it made no difference. Ned simply kept kissing her, and refused to back down, even when she tried punching his nose with her paws.

Judy was beginning to wonder if she would have to break up the kiss herself, but just as she was about to consider it, Jolene stopped struggling. Her paws, still bashing Ned’s nose, came to rest on his cheeks, and her lips broke into a wide grin as she returned the kiss. A loud hum sounded from the bunny–the happiest sound Judy had heard from her sister in her entire life.

The next thing any of them knew, Jolene threw her entire weight against Ned’s face, knocking him off-balance and forcing him to the ground. All the while, she kept her lips pressed firmly against his, and once they reached the floor, she lovingly rubbed her body against his chest, silently coaxing him to continue. Ned, for his part, did not back down in the least, and seemed perfectly content accepting his fate as Jolene’s make-out partner for the foreseeable future.

Nick turned to Judy and wiggled his eyebrows. “So. Where were we?”

Judy turned to him and smirked. “You know, something about seeing a fox the size of Goliath making out with my sister definitely puts me in the mood to kiss you,” she responded sarcastically.

Ned broke off his kiss with Jolene and turned his attention to her. “Hey, there’s always room for one more,” he offered.

Judy stared at him. “That’s my sister!”

“Never stopped me before,” Ned shrugged. “I remember this one time when Sally and I were twelve–”

“Shut up!” all three other mammals shouted in unison. Ned’s eyelids drooped dreamily at the memory, but thankfully, he refrained from continuing.

Nick sighed. “Yep. Mood’s ruined.”

“And it might never come back again,” Judy added.

Jolene, still straddling Ned’s chest, shrugged at the two of them. “Speak for yourselves.” She turned back to Ned and playfully patted his nose with one of her fingers. “Hey Eddie Boy, please tell me your mouth isn’t the only thing about you that’s big.” Without waiting for an answer, she pressed her lips back to his, this time making more liberal use of her tongue.

Judy and Nick stared at them for a few seconds, neither of them quite sure what to do at this point. Finally, however, Nick looked at his bunny partner and shrugged. “Might as well?”

She narrowed her eyes playfully in return. “Come here, you dumb fox.” She grabbed his tie, leaned backwards, and led the two of them to the floor.

On the other side of the car, the door opened up, and a young giraffe peeked her head inside to see if it was all clear. However, nothing could ever have prepared her for the sight of two bunny sisters making out with two foxes, all of them lost in their own passion for each other.

Natasha recoiled in disgust. “Gross!” She slammed the door shut and started running away. “Mom! The bad guys are giving Nick and Judy cooties!”

Anyway, the moral of the story is that love conquers all.

Chapter Text

“Let’s stop the train!”

“Let’s stop my sister!”

The two of them yelled at the same time, before immediately glaring at each other stubbornly. Then, without hesitation, they started defending their respective choices.

“This train could crash any moment!”

“Jolene and Ned are going to hurt passengers!”

“Everyone on this train is going to get hurt if we don’t stop it!”

“The train’s been going for hours, it can hold out another few minutes!”

“Jolene’s plan isn’t even that good!”

“I know, right? Ned looks nothing like you!”

“I’m glad you said it, because I would have felt bad admitting it out loud.”

“Is it a fox thing?”

“Yeah, it’s a fox thing. Don’t tell anyone.”

“Not a soul. We should go stop them!”

“We should stop the train!”

“I said it first!”

“We’re closer to this door.”

Judy finally had no comeback prepared for that. She opened her mouth to protest once again, but the logic of Nick’s argument prevented her from saying anything. Knowing she was beat, she let out a sigh and trudged over to the door to join him.

Nick shot her a cheeky smile. “No need to be a sore loser, Carrots.”

“Rub it in a bit more and see what happens,” she warned him with a grumble. With their last-minute quips out of the way, she pushed the door open, revealing the next car to them both.

For the first time today, however, it was not a train car that awaited them on the other side. Instead, it was an enclosed cabin–about half the length and height of a standard car–connected to the train engine. The cabin was completely empty, except for the instrument panel that controlled the train, in front of which stood an elderly badger, who seemed laser-focused on his task.

Judy stepped inside the cabin and called to the badger. “Excuse me, sir?”

The badger did not react in the slightest. He simply kept staring at his instrument panel. The only indication that he was even awake at all was the fact that his paw was gripping one of the levers so tightly that his knuckles were beginning to turn white.

Judy stepped closer to the badger, cleared her throat, and called all the louder. “Sir? I can see you’re extremely busy right now, and I’m very sorry to interrupt you, but this is urgent.”

The badger did not respond.

Nick stepped inside the cabin, closed the adjoining door behind him, and decided to take a different approach. He dug into his pocket, ran up to the badger, and flashed his police badge in front of the badger’s face so close it almost touched his nose. “Police, paws where I can see them!”

The badger was so startled, he practically jumped away from his position, lost his balance, and landed hard on his back. He took a second or two to regain his senses, but after blinking a few times, he looked up at the form of Judy standing over him. His eyes widened, and he waved his paws frantically. “Oh, please, Ms. Hopps, I’m just a week away from retirement!”

“Why would you say that out loud?!” Nick sharply whispered.

Judy ignored him. She offered a paw to the badger and gave him a kind smile. “I’m not going to hurt you. I just need your help.”

The badger frantically gripped her paw, pulled himself up so sharply he nearly dragged her down, and quickly ran back to his previous position. “Yes, yes, yes, I know. Keep the train going no matter what, just like you said.”

“Change of plans, pal,” Nick spoke up. “You need to stop the train right now, before something bad happens.”

“No, I can’t do that.” The badger glanced behind him just long enough to spot Judy, pointed at her, and returned back to his position. “She told me not to slow down the train for even a second, and not to listen to anyone who tells me to stop–not even her.” He reached a paw up to his ear, fiddled around with a hearing aid lodged inside, and let out a sigh of relief once he was finished. “Ah, sweet silence. Can’t listen if I can’t hear them speak.”

Judy exchanged glances with Nick. Obviously, the poor badger thought that Judy was Jolene–or that Jolene was Judy? In any case, Judy’s sister had told the badger to keep the train at top speed, and he was determined to keep it that way. In fact, now that his hearing aid had been shut off, he seemed completely happy; he tended to the switches and levers with a cheery smile on his face, and Judy’s sensitive rabbit ears even picked up the faint hint of a merry tune he hummed beneath the loud roar of the train engine.

Nick huffed and crossed his arms. “Well, I sure hope you enjoy listening to silence, because if this train crashes, that’s all you’re going to hear for the rest of eternity!”

“It’s no good, Nick, he can’t hear us.” Judy considered forcing the badger’s hearing aid back on herself, but she had a feeling he wasn’t interested in listening to her–and even if he was, it would be an uphill battle convincing him to stop the train after Jolene had spent the entire trip threatening him to keep it going.

Besides, they were running out of time. The train was beginning to noticeably vibrate from the loss of a wheel somewhere on one of the cars, and it wouldn’t be long now before it derailed–and at the speeds they were going, that was not going to end well.

She shook her head and let out a defeated sigh. “I don’t suppose you know how to stop a train, Slick?”

“Well, there was this one glitch, but it got patched out after Vanoss made a video about it, and–”

“This train, Nick.”

“Not a clue.” He looked at her expectantly. “Do you?”

Judy studied the instrument panel as well as she could from her current position behind the badger. She grew up on a farm, so she was used to working with all kinds of giant machines like tractors and combine harvesters. As such, a few of the switches and gauges on the dashboard did seem familiar to her, but they were vastly outnumbered by the many others that she did not recognize.

“I could make an educated guess…” She turned back to Nick and gave him a worried look. “But if I guess wrong, I don’t know what could happen.”

Nick peeked over her shoulder and took a glimpse at the instrument panel. His eyes immediately gravitated toward one lever in particular, which he pointed to with a finger. “What about that one?”

Judy turned back around. Her eyes landed on the lever Nick indicated.

Emergency Stop.

She had no idea how she had missed that, but right now, she was just glad Nick had seen it at all. “That’ll work,” she confirmed.

The lever was located on the bottom row of the panel, underneath the badger’s right arm, so Nick quickly walked up behind the badger and wrapped his arms around him. Knowing full well the badger would not be able to hear him, Nick grumbled, “Sorry, Pops, but you’re getting an early retirement.”

The badger, who had been laser-focused on his task, was startled by the fox grabbing him and heaving him to the side. He let out a scream and flailed his arms, desperately trying to free himself from Nick’s grasp. Nick seemed to struggle to keep the badger contained, and barely managed to drag him far enough away for Judy to squeeze in front of the control panel and grab the emergency stop lever.

Judy gave a tug on the lever, but it stayed put. She tried again, harder this time, but it still did not move. She grabbed it firmly with both paws and pulled on it with all her strength, but still it did not budge an inch.

A sharp vibration rocked the cabin, which she guessed was from another wheel falling off one of the train cars somewhere behind them again. In desperation, she hopped off the ground, pressed her giant rabbit feet against the bottom panel, and pulled against the lever with every ounce of strength in her body.

Nothing happened.

“Anytime you’re ready, Carrots,” Nick called in a strained voice behind her.

The badger’s fingers grazed one of Judy’s ears before Nick managed to reel him back once again. Judy had to look “up” from her current position to give him an upside-down glare. “You’re welcome to come over here and give me a helping paw whenever you want!” she snapped back.

“I’m a bit preoccupied at the moment.” Nick was now all but lifting the badger in the air to keep him from running back to his post. “Stop playing around and stop the train already!”

“What do you think I’m trying to do, shoot pool?!” Judy jerked against the lever over and over, timing her words with her desperate yanks. “This! Thing! Isn’t! Working!!!”

“Well, have you turned off the safety switch yet?!” Nick yelled at her.

Judy paused. In a small voice, she repeated, “The safety switch?”

The badger nearly got free, and Nick had to resort to tackling him to the floor and lying on top of him. “You know? The big yellow switch you need to turn off first?”

Judy looked down at her feet. Sure enough, right beside the lever between her legs, there was a switch with a long yellow toggle.

“Oh.” Judy reached over and flicked the switch downwards. She let out a chuckle. “You know, this is actually kind of funny. I never would have–”

“CARROTS!”

“Right! Stopping the train now!”

Judy gripped the lever once again with both paws, dug her feet into the panel, and pulled as hard as she could. This time, though she still encountered quite a bit of resistance, the lever moved.

And as the lever moved, the train began to slow down. For the first time today, Judy felt a tiny hint of relief.

A sudden lurch, however, made her relief disappear immediately.

The lever fell to the halfway point immediately, nearly knocking Judy to the ground. At the same time, gravity seemed to shift inside the cabin, a bit more forward and to the left than before. An unbearably loud screech filled the air, like the sound of a thousand nails scraping against a thousand chalkboards, all coming from the engine’s front-left wheel.

Or, at least, where the front-left wheel used to be.

Though Nick was caught just as off-guard by the sudden movement as Judy, he somehow managed to keep his grip on the badger, who was now desperately trying to return to the control panel. “You dumb bunny, you’ve doomed us!” he screamed.

Nick wrestled with the badger, somehow still holding him down. “Hey, first of all, Gramps, I’m the only one who gets to call her a dumb bunny. Second of all, the good news is that the train is slowing down.” He glanced at Judy, a worried look painted all over his face. “Just… you know, not in a controlled manner. We’re gonna derail any moment, and when we do–”

Judy didn’t let him finish. She focused back on the lever and pulled hard on it again. Though it took nearly all her strength, she was able to keep pulling it down, and she could feel the train slow down more and more with every budge.

The train lurched again, this time much more violently. It was hard to tell whether they had hit a bump on the tracks or if the engine had completely derailed. All Judy knew was that she wasn’t dead yet, and she continued pulling down on the lever as hard as she could. She could feel her knuckles screaming in pain against the strain. Her exhaustion began to overtake her from the effort, but she held on as hard as she could.

Another lurch finally wrenched her away from the lever, and she was only barely able to prevent herself from bashing straight into the instrument panel. This time, Nick and the badger were flung forwards as well, both of them slamming hard into the wall beside Judy. The badger, barely phased, quickly freed himself from Nick’s grasp and ran back to his previous position; for some inexplicable reason, he seemed to actually want to get the train going back up to speed, even in its crippled state.

Judy couldn’t allow that. She stood back on her feet, reached around the badger’s shoulders, and grabbed the emergency stop lever once again. The badger pressed his body against hers and tried shoving her away, but she held on tight. He tried again, this time shoving his shoulder into her sternum to try and knock the air out of her. She continued to hold firm, and even used the energy from his shove to pull the lever even harder, which slowed the train down a bit more.

The world suddenly skewed to the right, and the ear-piercing shriek doubled in intensity. The train now felt like it was traveling on a poorly-maintained gravel road, as most of the engine’s wheels were now completely gone. It was slowing down faster and faster, but even at these speeds, a derailment could still prove fatal to many of the passengers inside–not to mention all three occupants inside the engine.

Judy pulled on the lever again, but the badger continued trying to knock her off, and she found herself making little to no progress. One more shove, and she lost her grip entirely. She fell to the ground and watched helplessly as the badger began returning the lever to its original position.

She tried to get back up, but the last of her strength was gone, and all she could do was lie there and watch. Her mind filled with images of all the passengers on the train–passengers who were counting on her to save their lives. She had failed them. They were going to die. Jolene was going to get away with her plan. The world would think that she and Nick were responsible for all of this…

Nick…

The fox jumped in front of her, threw his arms past the badger, and grabbed the emergency stop lever. Before either Judy or the badger could react, he pulled back as hard as he could, an animalistic groan escaping from his throat as he put his full effort into it.

The train slowed down once again, faster than ever before. The badger tried to push Nick back just as he had Judy, but the fox was immovable, and his firm grip brought the lever closer and closer to its lowest position. The screech outside grew quieter. The bumps underneath the train grew more muted. The scenery flew past the windows slower and slower, and after a few more seconds, even the desperate pleas from the badger faded away as he finally realized that there was nothing more he could do.

Judy finally allowed herself to relax. She rested her head against the floor, spread out her limbs, and let out a giant sigh of relief. “Well, Slick, you wanted excitement.”

Nick snickered. “I don’t suppose it’s too late to say that I would have enjoyed a bit more than what we–”

CRASH!

The sound drowned out whatever else he might have said. At the exact same moment, Judy flew off the floor and straight into the instrument panel, her head bashing firmly against one of the flat displays. For a split second, she worried that she was a goner, but she somehow managed to remain conscious through it all. She landed in a heap on the floor again, her paw shooting up to her head to try and stop the newfound pain she felt there, but otherwise, all was quiet.

All… was… quiet…

She cracked open one eye and looked around. Gravity had once again shifted to one side, but this time, there was no movement. The scenery outside the window was dead still. The screeching tires were silent. The only sound she could hear over the pounding inside her head was a protesting hiss from the engine, but that was it.

The train had derailed. But they were alive. Everyone was alive. Everyone was safe.

They had done it.

She looked over to the fox and the badger lying next to her. Both of them were holding their heads very similar to the way she was holding hers, but otherwise they seemed okay. Nick even shot her a guilty look as he stood back up on his feet. “I guess I deserved that.”

“Maybe a little,” she admitted. She slowly rose to her own feet, taking a few extra seconds to find her balance. “As God as my witness, I am never taking a train again,” she wheezed.

“What if you have to go visit your family in Bunnyburrow for Kitsmas and you can’t find a car?” Nick quipped.

“I’ll walk,” she replied flatly. She turned her attention to the badger. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

The badger finally stood up beside them. He still had a paw on his head, but otherwise seemed okay–except for the dirty look he shot the two officers. “Well, I hope you’re both satisfied. I was doing everything I could to get that child with ligma to Bunnyburrow in record time, and you’ve just ensured that they’re doomed to die from their disease!”

Judy blinked. “Did you just say…?”

Nick blinked, too. “Do you want to tell him, or shall I?”

The badger, however, did not give either of them a chance to explain. Instead, he ran over to the rear cabin door, threw it open, and hopped off the train. “That child with ligma needs help! You stay here! I’m going to find a phone and call the police!”

“We are the police!” Judy called after him. However, either the badger still had his hearing aid turned off, or he just didn’t care, because he walked away and quickly disappeared from view.

Judy stared in the spot where he disappeared for a few seconds, before slowly turning her attention back to Nick. “Ligma. Jolene told him to keep the train at full speed… because of ligma.”

The corners of Nick’s mouth curled slightly. “Ligma–”

“Don’t you dare finish that.”

Nick snapped his mouth shut, knowing better than to test Judy’s patience right now. He slowly stood up and rubbed his head one last time, wincing slightly at a newly-formed bump he found. “I need a vacation from my vacation,” he groaned.

Judy smirked. “Yeah, Jolene sure found a creative way to ruin it.” Her smirk faded. “Jolene…”

She and Nick turned in unison to stare at the open doorway. Even though it felt like a lot of time had passed since they made the decision to stop chasing Jolene and Ned in favor of stopping the train, in reality it had only been a minute or two. That meant that there was still a chance, however unlikely, that Judy’s sister and her monstrously-large fox partner were still on the train, somewhere several cars back…

Without needing to exchange any more words, Judy ran through the door and into the previous car, Nick chasing her close behind. It seemed that the train’s derailment had triggered an emergency response in the cars to open up all their doors, which meant it only took a few seconds for the two of them to fly through the first three cars. The fourth car had several animals in it, in various stages of recovering from the crash, which slowed them down slightly as they had to weave their way past a whole sea of confused and annoyed expressions.

The fifth car had even more mammals, which slowed Judy and Nick down to a near-crawl as they desperately tried to shove their way through.Natasha was in this car. Her face brightened up at the sight of the two police officers, happy that they were both okay. Then she started waving at the rear door. “Hurry!” she called. “The fake yous went that way just a minute ago!”

Judy silently nodded in thanks, then leaped over the last few mammals and rolled into the doorway. Knowing time was of the essence, she left Nick behind and ran with all her might through the last few cars, tactfully dodging each obstacle in her way with trained precision, and finally made it to the Gaboose. The door was closed.

Judy grinned in satisfaction as she rested her paw on the door handle. “Nowhere to run, Jolene!” she called. She allowed herself a second or two of satisfaction as she let her announcement drag out unnecessarily. “I’ve been looking forward to saying these words for a while now. Jolene Hopps, you’re under arrest!”

She planted her feet firmly in place and threw open the door, ready for whatever might come next. For the next several seconds, however, nothing came next. Judy simply stood there, staring into the Gaboose in anticipation. But there was no one inside. It was just as empty as when she and Nick had first left it, what felt like an eternity ago. In fact, it seemed to have fared quite well in the crash; a desk lamp was still in place, and even some expensive-looking plates mounted on the wall appeared to be in pristine condition.

The sound of Nick’s throat clearing behind her brought her out of her trance. “You know…” The fox’s paw appeared in her vision, and a finger pointed in the direction outside the train. “I’m not an expert or anything, but…”

Judy turned to her right. Two sets of footprints were visible in the mud, leading away from the train: the unmistakable trail of a rabbit running as fast as possible, and a ginormous creature running alongside the rabbit that might have been fox prints if not for the fact that they could probably be filled up with water and turned into swimming pools.

Nick lowered his paw and crossed his arms thoughtfully. “I’m surprised we didn’t feel an earthquake when Ned ran away.”

Judy groaned as she slapped a paw to her face. “We must have just missed them.” She let out a defeated sigh. “I can’t believe it, I just can’t believe it.”

“Yeah, that’s rough. Quite unfortunate, really. We were so close, but I guess we just weren’t close enough.” Nick shrugged. “Oh well. At least our job is done.”

Judy narrowed her eyes playfully and grinned. “What do you mean? Our job is just getting started!”

“But we stopped the train–”

“But we didn’t stop Jolene and Ned! They’re getting away as we speak.” Judy waved an arm in the direction of the footprints. “We need to catch them and bring them to justice!”

A tired look swept over Nick’s face like a wave. “Isn’t it enough that we saved the day and lived to tell everyone about it?”

Judy did not seem to hear him. Her smile spread further across her face, and she started hopping from one foot to the other in anticipation. “If we hurry, we can catch them before dinner. And if not, it will become an epic chase across the wilderness that might take days or even months before we can bring them to justice!”

Nick sighed. “I specifically requested today off,” he lamented.

Judy laughed. “Come on, Slick. We’ll have a day off some other time.”

“You promise?”

“Next time, we’ll go to Pawaii.”

Nick’s eyelids lowered. “Pawaii,” he said dreamily. “I like the sound of that.”

Judy grabbed him by his tie. “You know I love you, right?”

“Sometimes I wonder.”

With that, the bunny and fox jumped off the train and started chasing the footprints in the mud–wherever they might lead.

THE END

Chapter Text

Smoke billowed over the Zootopia skyline as the distant sound of klaxons and sirens pierced the normal hustling soundtrack that Zootopia was known for.

The Gazelle Express lay spread across two whole city blocks, its once beautiful cabs now a mangled heap of twisted metal.

As responders arrived on the scene and began to assist those in need, a fox in a tattered ZPD uniform managed to push the remains of a broken door off his body. His arms ached in protest, but Nick managed to get the door up and over the remains of a row of seats, wincing as it tumbled down onto the street.

The vulpine took a minute to assess his surroundings, a dull pain on his forehead caused him to reach up, and a warm, thick liquid oozed from a gash above his brow.

His adrenaline numbed the pain for now; he was alive and would heal, but Judy was nowhere in sight.

Nick’s heart raced as he looked around. His emerald eyes scanned his immediate area. He felt a surge of anger as he watched several of the tactically-clad mammals who had caused all this start to try and limp away, having just narrowly survived the train wreck. Their escape was short-lived as several ZPD vehicles came screeching to a halt, several officers exiting the vehicles, their weapons drawn.

Nick let out a sigh, but was still panicked as he started to jump from one pile of wreckage to another. Desperately looking for his bunny partner.

“Judy!” The fox called out, hoping to hear her sweet voice in return. “Carrots come on!”

Nothing….

With every passing second, the fox grew more and more desperate in his search. He would occasionally come across another mammal in need and would do his best to help them, but his desperation was soon getting the better of him as he began to claw and toss debris.

“Wilde over here!”

Nick turned to see a rhino in a ZPD uniform pulling a large bench away and tossing it aside; the smallest of gray paws sat at an awkward angle just beneath the debris.

Nick hurried over, cutting his uniform on the jagged edges of some railing, but he couldn't care less about his own safety.

His heart was racing before suddenly stopping and falling into the pit of his stomach.

“Oh, Carrots…”

*Beep*

” Get me the head of surgery now!”

*Beep*

”I am not losing her.”

*Beep*

”Every bone in her body is broken… It's a miracle we have any brain activity at all…”

*Beep*

“Officer Wilde, I am afraid she may never…”

*Beep*

“Mr. and Mrs. Hopps, I know this may sound unethical, but it's the best chance she has to not only come out of her coma but also have any chance of a normal life….she may even be able to return to the force.”

“A normal life?! You call all… this normal?!

*Beep*

“We got it. Her parents signed the consent this morning.”

“Excellent, prep her for surgery.”

“Yes, Dr. Rose.”

*Beep*

Voices and beeps.

That's all that filled Judy's thoughts these past few weeks. The whole world was dark and bright at the same time. She used to wake up with this numb pain but soon this odd cold emptiness filled her body. As the conversations grew more serious, she realized less and less of her body felt… there. She was secretly grateful because less of her body would ache in pain, which allowed her to rest more easily. Soon, though, her mind became restless; she wanted to wake up, to see her surroundings.

Dreams would come and go; most of the time, they were flashbacks.

Her days at the academy…

Her first big case…

Nick on his graduation day…

The crime-fighting duo boarding a train…

That would be where the nightmares began. There were the sounds of screams and screeching, followed by an explosion and metal colliding with cement and… civilians. The nightmares, however, wouldn’t last long as Judy would hear a sweet-sounding voice commenting about the doe’s dreams, and soon they were replaced by beautiful music, which would then allow her to dream of better things.

After some time of living in this dream-like void, rays of light would appear, muffled and blue, as if through a TV monitor. They would be flashes of an industrial-looking hallway, then the parking garage at the ZPD, and finally a cage filled with computers. Then one day, the little flashes became a brilliant light, and Judy was awake.

“There we go,” Came the familiar, sweet-sounding voice from her dreams. “Nice and easy, Judy.”

Judy blinked, only it wasn’t blinking, more like static as her vision filled with what appeared to be a feed from a visor. As she slowly looked around, information about what she was looking at scrolled through the screen. She noticed two mammals in lab coats, and when she got a closer look at them, she was given a brief description next to a picture of the mammal.

There was a Dr. Salt, the porcupine, who was an inventor and professor at a local college. His light green eyes looked at Judy through a pair of spectacles.

Then there was a small brown bunny, Dr. Trisha Rose, whose info was strange as it listed her favorite dinosaurs and that she had a minor in bagpipes.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” said the ravishingly beautiful brown bunny who put her paws in her lab coat.

Judy raised a brow, or at least thought she did when she tried to move her head, though she felt like it was bolted against the chair, which was strange.

“Release all safety clamps,” Dr. Rose said firmly.

“Trisha! You can’t be serious!” Dr. Salt barked as he gave the bunny in the lab coat beside him a questioning look.

Trisha looked back at her peer, a wicked smirk on her lips.

“I wanna see what that cute body of hers can do.” She then looked back at Judy and studied her. “And I think she does, too.”

Dr. Salt rolled his eyes before turning and typing away at a computer. Seconds later, a series of loud drilling noises filled Judy’s senses as something close to her head released itself.

Judy nearly fell forward, which was odd; shouldn't she be in a hospital bed? Wasn't she just in some kind of horrific accident, and now she is standing in a strange room with two mammals she didn’t know about to walk?

What should have happened was Judy falling face-first out of whatever bed she was laying in. Instead, what happened was two metal legs stepped forward, righted themselves, and made Judy stand up straight. The doe put her paws out to stop herself from falling forward, only to see a pair of armor-like gauntlets reach out. The weight was a bit much, and she started to fall forward right on top of Dr. Rose.

There was a loud yet muffled thump as Judy landed on top of the brown bunny, who had been forced onto the floor, which fortunately was covered in safety padding. Judy kept both arms on either side of Dr. Rose lest she crush the smaller bunny. To Judy’s surprise, however, Trisha did not look frightened; if anything, she was biting her lower lip and giving Judy a hungry look.

“Why Officer Hopps, we aren’t at those types of tests yet,” The bunny with bright blue eyes said before giving Judy a wink.

“I am so sorry, I just…wha…what has happened to me?” Judy asked, panic starting to set in as she slowly lifted herself up.

Her body, if one could even call it that, was odd; there was the slightest delay as she told her limbs what to do before they would respond. With some effort, she managed to right herself, and when she reached out to Dr. Rose, she saw a metal paw in front of her.

Dr. Rose took the paw and brushed herself off before giving Judy a caring smile.

“Judy, I want you to remain calm, which is going to be very hard to do,” The doe began in a soft tone. “The important thing to know is you are alive, so is Officer Wilde, and that you have been given a second chance to not just live but be the greatest crime-fighting asset to the city of Zootopia.”

Dr. Rose then nodded to the side, which made Judy turn her head slightly. A large mirror had been set up nearby, and as Judy looked, she felt her jaw fall open. While her mouth and face were hers, the rest of her body was not. She was clad in what appeared to be light blue armor. It was bulky and awkward, but it made the bunny look like a tank.

“Wh….what happened to me?”

Dr. Rose and Dr. Salt exchanged worried looks before they went into detail about the events that had led the poor officer to this room. They told her how she was barely alive when she was rushed to the hospital, how her body had been failing, and that the only way to save her was to perform a radical new surgery that was still in its theoretical phase. It had, however, been a success, and now Judy was part machine, part bunny, all crime fighter.

“We could have, however, gone with a sleeker design, I feel,” Dr. Rose said as she came up and stood next to the robo bun that towered over her. She stared at Judy in the mirror before her lips curled. “Maybe in the sequel.”

“What?” Judy asked as she looked away from the mirror and back at the doe standing before her.

“Don’t worry about it,” Dr. Rose chuckled before turning to look directly at Judy. “For now, Officer Hopps, we have a city to clean up.”

“Maybe in the sequel?” Nick laughed as he looked up from the script currently in his paws. His bright green eyes went to the bunny in a blue shirt and khaki shorts sitting on the bartop beside him.

“Oh yeah, this is totally a three-parter plus reboot series,” Trisha said happily as she rocked back and forth on the bar. She then looked at Judy, who was currently sipping a bright orange drink, a series of blueberries sprinkled on top. “What do you think, sweetie?”

“You made me into Robobun,” Judy chuckled as she smacked her lips. “What's not to like?”

“Wait! What's this about Robobun running off with Dr. Rose?” Nick barked in amusement as he flipped through the many pages of the script.

“Oh yeah, that's in part 2 where we run off together and sell jellies and jams at a roadside stand,” Trisha said proudly. “Then Nick shows up and says the city needs Judy, and she gets to say-”

Trisha suddenly jumped up onto the bar, standing tall and facing away from the fox and bunny duo before dramatically turning her head to look at them, her brow furrowed in a serious look.

“You son of a gun, I’m in.”

Nick and Judy exchanged looks before bursting out into laughter, raising their glasses at Trisha and toasting the goofy barkeep who took a bow.

“Seriously, Trisha, where did you get all these ideas?” Nick asked as he flipped back to the front of the huge stack of papers.

“Oh, I only did the Robobun bit, some far more talented writers wrote the rest,” Trisha admitted as she plopped back down between her favorite bunny and 4th favorite fox. “Here, go back to the start, but this time, instead of going on the roof, pick the route that sends you two through the main car.”

With that, the three settled in, went back, and picked another route to see just where everyone’s favorite fox and bunny crime fighters would end up instead.

Chapter Text

Judy put the bag back down and shook her head. “No. We need to investigate this properly, and this would just slow us down.”

Nick let out a loud, disappointed groan. “Aw, but I was looking forward to that.” He batted his eyelashes and puckered his lips. “I would have made such a great lady!” His last sentence was spoken with an exaggerated high-pitched voice that scared Judy with how genuine it sounded.

“Maybe some other time.”

Judy double-checked to make sure the skunk was still breathing. She was, and even seemed to be peacefully asleep were it not for the bump that was steadily growing on the top of her head. Judy felt a little bad, but there was no time to wait for her to wake up so she could apologize. 

Nick leaned his head down to examine the skunk for a second. “Sleep well, unknown assailant,” he whispered. He stood back straight and lifted a paw to gesture toward the door. “Now then, shall we?”

There was no point in putting it off. The two of them left the skunk lying on the floor and crossed over to the other side of the car. Judy paused at the door with her paw on the handle and looked at Nick. “Ready?”

“Ready,” the fox replied with a firm nod.

Judy pushed the door open tentatively, with Nick close behind her. The first thing they saw was a large elephant, and then another. As the door swung open wider, they realized that there were a whole lot of mammals of all sizes inside. Way more than what either of them had expected. The assortment of mammals were scattered around the car, some pacing around frantically, others sitting around and looking frustrated. None of them seemed to notice the pair entering the car just yet.

“Woah, that’s a lot of mammals,” Nick whistled under his breath. “I don’t think we’re taking them on, not all at once.”

“They don’t look like they’re the ones responsible–I mean, look how scared they are,” Judy whispered back to Nick. “Whatever’s happening, we need to help them.”

“Okay, so how do you want to do this?”

Judy cleared her throat and took a step forward.

“Hi everyone! Officer Judy Hopps, ZPD. Is everything okay here?” she asked, a wide, reassuring smile on her face.

Every head in the train car turned in unison towards her. Everyone stared at both the bunny and the fox for a full second. 

And then everyone let out a loud collective scream.

“Ahhhh! It’s them!”

“Don’t hurt us, please!”

“I’m too pretty to die!”

Everyone immediately began backing away from the pair, moving themselves backwards towards the far end of the car.

“Did…I say something wrong?” Judy asked Nick, genuinely confused.

“Clearly they’re horrified by our appearances. I told you we should have put on the makeup.” Nick smirked.

Judy rolled her eyes and returned her attention to the panicking passengers.

“Please, everyone, calm down! We’re here to help! Can you at least tell us what’s going on?” she yelled. The passengers continued screaming.

“Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!”

“They’re going to kill us! Oh, God, no!”

“Spare me, please! I have a wife and two kids! Kill someone else instead!”

“Hey hey, relax!” Nick called out. “Look, we’re not even armed! We can’t hurt you even if we wanted to!”

Everyone suddenly froze. They turned towards the two, scrutinizing them from top to bottom. Finally, one of the passengers–a wolf–spoke up.

“They’re not armed! They can’t hurt us!”

“Yes! That’s what we’ve been saying!” Nick threw his arms up into the air. “Now, can someone finally tell us what the heck is going–”

“Quick! Get them while they’re unarmed!”

“...What?” Nick and Judy both uttered out loud together. There wasn’t much time to think though, because suddenly, a tiger and a leopard began charging at them. The drastic turn of events left the two rooted to the spot for a good two seconds, before the reality of the situation clicked.

“Nick, dive!” Judy yelled. The two dived in opposite directions just before the felines could pounce on them. The one chasing Judy was quick to recover, charging at her once more. This time, Judy ducked and dropped her ears just as a pair of paws reached out and grabbed the air above her head. She then spun and delivered a kick straight to the leopard’s abdomen, causing him to buckle over in pain.

“What happened to ‘look how scared they are’, Carrots?!” Nick yelped, scrambling from side to side to avoid the tiger that was trying to grab him. All of a sudden, Nick felt his back impact against something solid. He glanced behind him, just as the tiger thrusted a paw straight at him.

Nick ducked away at the last moment, and the tiger’s paw connected with a tall metal pole. The feline squealed in pain, stumbling backwards. He managed to take a couple of steps before tripping over a conveniently placed outstretched fox leg. The tiger went straight down, crashing into a pile of bags, groaning in defeat.

“I don’t think that was necessary, Nick…” Judy said, jogging up to him. Nick grinned in response.

“Probably not. But do I get points for style?”

Judy didn’t get a chance to answer, because the rest of the mammals–who had just seen everything that had just transpired–began charging at them, led by a large elephant. The fox and the rabbit exchanged brief glances, before turning around and making a break for it. But at that moment, they saw the leopard from earlier getting in front of the doorway that they had come in from. With their nearest escape route blocked, and a rushing stampede quickly closing in behind them, there was nowhere left to run.

“Wait!”

The voice cried out from somewhere behind the animals in front of them, and a second later, a yellow blur ran in front of them. The wall of angry mammals came to an abrupt halt mere feet away from trampling Nick and Judy, stopped in their tracks by the third figure that had suddenly appeared in front of them.

A young giraffe stood between the two of them and their assailants, spreading her arms wide to protect them from harm. Despite being so young, the look in the giraffe’s eyes was shockingly intense, and she managed to stare down the many mammals that stood in front of her despite so many of them being several times her size.

Judy recognized her immediately. It was the same giraffe girl that she had interacted with when she had first boarded the train. 

“Natasha!”

A second voice called out. A second later, Natasha’s mother appeared in the front of the crowd. She towered over all the other animals, and when she looked down at the three of them, the anger on her face looked like it could wipe the smile off a hyena.

“Step aside, Natasha.” She glared at the two mammals behind her daughter. “Let the adults take care of this.”

The little giraffe defiantly shook her head and only stretched her arms out all the more. “No! I won’t let you hurt them! They’re the real ones!”

Judy and Nick both stared at the scene unfolding in front of them, too confused to do or say anything. Natasha took an assertive step forward, and as if by magic, all the other mammals stepped backwards in unison.

All except her mother. She reached down and tried to grab her daughter’s shoulder with a hoof. “You’re not thinking clearly, Natasha.”

Natasha shrugged it off and raised her voice. “No, you’re not! This is the real Judy and the real Nick!” She stared at her mother with pleading eyes. “Don’t you remember, Mommy? When we first got on the train? They were so nice to us!”

The older giraffe scoffed at that. “Yes, and that only made it all the worse when they…” Her voice faded away as she stared at Judy and Nick. The intensity of her expression slowly began to soften as she studied the two of them. “Oh my…” Her eyes widened. “It’s true! You really are…”

Judy gave a nervous smile and waved bashfully. Nick was a bit more straightforward. He stood straight, adjusted his tie, and adopted his usual smug smile. “The one and only.” He waved to the dozens of animals that surrounded them. “I’ll be signing autographs after all this is over,” he announced. “Today was supposed to be my day off, but I’ll be happy to make an exception for all of my loyal fans–”

“They’re the real ones!” Natasha yelled again.

At that, finally, the animals began to back away. Most of them breathed sighs of relief. Others kept a watchful gaze on the two of them, not quite trusting their own eyes. A few mumbled to themselves about how foolish they felt for almost attacking “the real ones”.

Judy gave Natasha a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

“I knew you were real!” Natasha seemed so pleased with herself; a broad smile spread across her face, and she clapped her two front hooves together in satisfaction. “I knew you could never rob us!”

“Rob us?” Judy and Nick both said it at the same time, completely caught off-guard by her sudden revelation.

Natasha’s mother patted her daughter’s shoulder, trying to calm her down. She leaned her long neck down to better talk to the two officers. “Yes, I’m afraid so. Two animals that looked just like you came through here a few minutes ago. They demanded we hand over everything of value and then made their way to the front of the train.”

“They were really scary,” Natasha chimed in. “Not like you two! That’s how I knew they weren’t real!” She beamed with an innocent grin. “They were only pretending to be you to make you look bad!”

Judy and Nick looked at each other, a newfound fear in both of their eyes. Who exactly was it they were dealing with?

FIND OUT BY PROCEEDING TO THE NEXT CHAPTER HERE! CHAPTER 33! YOU DON’T HAVE A CHOICE! FREE WILL IS AN ILLUSION! TURN THE PAGE NOW!

Chapter Text

Judy and Nick looked at each other and each broke into a little smirk.

“Both?” he asked.

“Both,” she agreed with a solemn nod.

“Yeah, both. Both is good.” Leaning out of the obvious meme reference, Nick added, “A little divide and conquer is the way to go here.”

Judy started heading off in the direction the two bandits went. “I’ll round up my sister—”

“Whoa there, Carrots, hold up.” Nick grabbed her arm. “I think you’re too close to all that to not make reckless decisions. And I think I have a bit of a rapport going with Neddy that I might just be able to get him to either come around or trip up.”

Judy’s ears fell. “So you’re counting on me to fix the whole train derailing situation?”

“Well, as I recall, the last time we needed a train fixed, you were the one with the miracle touch.” Nick winked. “Besides… I know when I’m counting on you, you never let me down.”

Her eyes glistened for a split second and then her face turned stony serious. She put out her paw. “Okay, partner… let’s catch the bad guys and bring this train to a safe and non-explodey stop.”

He grasped her paw. “Wilde and Hopps Dream Team, and… BREAK!”

Nick turned and ran out of the engine car. Judy paused and took a deep breath, but another squeal jolted her to the task at hand. “Okay… just have to slow a speeding train down without crashing it. No problem. Totally got this.”

She turned to address herself to the controls and immediately leapt back in surprise.

“Hello there, miss.”

“AHHHHHH!”

Sitting in the corner next to the control panel—very calmly, Judy thought, considering how incredibly tied up he was—was a bespectacled badger in conductor overalls and hat.

Judy looked around the compartment. “Have… have you been there the entire time?”

He blinked at her.

She hurried over. “Hello? Do you hear me?”

“Sorry, miss, I can’t hear a word you’re saying. The other rabbit lady decided to truss me up while my hearing aids were off and I haven’t heard anything since.”

Judy set about untying him, one eye on the controls and the other on what she was doing. “Are you the driver? Can you—?” She stopped, again seeing his incredibly blank stare. “Right, can’t hear a word I’m saying. Hang on…”

She got his paws free first and he fiddled with turning his hearing aids back on while she worked on his feet. They managed to finish what they were doing at just about the same time as the wheels gave another urgent squeal.

The badger conductor winced. “Now that doesn’t sound too good.”

“To say the very least.” Judy squinted at the name tag on his shirt. “Mr. Oswyn, sir, I need your help. The fox bandit said the wheels are shredding from the stress of going so fast for so long. How can we get this train slowed down and stopped safely without it derailing?”

He rose to his feet slowly and looked over the controls. He calmly tapped at one of the dials, and attempted to pull back on a lever that was apparently no longer there. There was only a gaping hole in the console.

“Well now, isn’t that a kick in the pants?” he asked generally to the air.

“What is??” Judy asked, with more than a little apprehension in her voice.

“They went and broke off the speed controls,” Oswyn said evenly, and pointed at the hole. “Can’t slow the engine back down without it.”

“So that’s it? We’re just up a creek with no paddle?”

“Not necessarily.” Oswyn looked out the window. “The track is still straight for a little ways. If we can decouple the engine car from the rest of the train before it gets to the hard bend into Podunk, then the rest of the train will slow on its own. The engine car will jump the track, probably, but there might be time to evacuate that area before it does. Property damage will be considerable, but few casualties.”

“Lives are the most important thing to save,” Judy agreed. Hope leapt into her chest. “Okay, that sounds like a solid kind of plan I can get behind.”

Oswyn went to a small supply closet and opened it. Inside was a bunch of assorted tools and a small metal lunchbox.

“Ah, forgot about that in all the hubbub.” He pulled out the lunchbox and an enormous pipe wrench that looked like it was almost as big as Judy. He set it on the ground and tipped the handle toward her. “I’m gonna use the radio in here to call the Podunk Railroad Authority about the situation. They’ll start clearing the areas around the track ahead. You’re gonna take this out through that door there and decouple the engine car.”

“Me??” Judy squeaked with obvious alarm. “What about you?”

“There’s a mechanism on the control panel that needs to be disengaged after you disconnect the two twist-lock hook clips that fasten the cars together. They’re steel and heavy duty, under lots of pressure. You need to open and unhook both before it can be activated to detach the coupler. Then the train cars will be free of the engine.”

Judy’s ears drooped lower than ever. “But how will you get out of the engine when it gets detached then?”

He shook his head. “Won’t be able to do that, I’m afraid. Once the engine car loses all that load it’s going to shoot on ahead far too fast to jump from. Not that I have the knees anymore to make that jump anyhow.”

“But then… then you’ll still be here when…”

“Most likely will, yeah.” He patted her shoulder. “It’s okay, miss. Truth be told, I was hoping that I’d go out on the rails. No other place in the world I’d rather be. It’ll be okay.”

He spun her around and gave her a light nudge toward the car door. “Now get to it. We’re running out of track to work with.”

Judy’s ears went ramrod straight. She wiped at her quickly moistening eyes and swung the big wrench over her shoulder like a baseball bat. She turned back briefly to give Oswyn a solemn and grateful nod, then muscled open the door and stepped through. The door closed behind her.

Oswyn gave a weary sigh and headed back to the control panel. He opened the metal lunchbox to the watercress sandwich he’d packed that morning. He held it in one hand while picking up the radio to call into the Podunk Railroad Authority with the other.

They’d just have to deal with hearing his message through bites. It would be a shame to go out on an empty stomach.

Judy didn’t realize how hard she’d have to fight to keep her balance on the moving train with one paw holding onto the enormous wrench Mr. Oswyn gave her. In the back of her mind, the urgency propelled her to keep moving, though she was far from sure-footed with each step she took. The gap between the cars had never looked wider than when she was shouldering half her body weight.

She managed the jump, just, and thunked the wrench down next to her as she regarded the coupling. She saw the two twist-lock hook clips the conductor told her about and her heart sank. They had to be wider than her entire arm. She shook her head hard and smacked her cheeks.

Rabbit up, Judy! she commanded herself, and grasped the wrench in her paws again. She eased it into position around the first lock, planted her feet, and set her shoulder under the handle. She poured all her strength into her legs and pushed the tool-turned-lever with all her might.

But even with her spring-powered lapine leg muscles, there wasn’t a lot of movement to indicate that the catch was coming undone. It took two more big pushes before they gave way even a little, and by then Judy was panting with exhaustion. There was just no way she would get one unhooked anytime soon, nevermind both.

She gave the contraption a hard look. It was thick, but also… kinda rusty. Actually, the chain that it was attached to was far less thick, and was even rustier. And being pulled tight by the engine car. What serendipity it was that this country’s passenger rail fleet was in such a ghastly state of disrepair.

Time to work outside of the box. Judy gripped the wrench and swung it around her shoulder. In her mind, that old-timey public-domain earworm started to play:

IIIII’ve been workin’ on the raaaaailrooooooad…

Nick sprinted through the cars ahead as fast as he could with the increasingly violent movement underfoot. His years on the Happytown High School track and field team did little to prepare him for this. Whatever was going on with the train’s stability seemed to be getting worse. He sent good vibes behind him to his partner and her hopefully successful mission.

Catching up to them was tricky with the train cars becoming so unstable. Getting through the baggage car and the other empty passenger car, he had inanimate objects to get around, debris which had fallen everywhere. Nick wondered if they had been shaken out onto the floor or if Ned and Jolene had toppled them purposely in their wake as they made their way through. Eventually, he was able to get past the empty cars and back to the one that they had corralled all the other passengers into.

Which was apparently where Jolene and Ned still were.

“I said get out of the way!” Nick heard Jolene’s shrill voice shouting as he muscled open the car door. She was swinging the gun in her paws around wildly at the panicking passengers around her who were in the aisle but unable to quickly vacate it as all the seats were already occupied. Ned was pulling up the rear with the bag of loot, gun in paw but not really looking as worked up as Jolene. If Nick had to describe him at that moment, he might call him ‘lackadaisical.’ The fox officer smiled.

This was a cold reading he could use to his advantage.

“Ah, the ‘one last hurdle to freedom’ trope,” Nick commented, as he sauntered casually toward the other fox. “Though, I think that’s usually reserved for the protagonists, isn’t it?”

Ned’s ears swiveled at him and the gun in his paws followed suit. “Excuse me? We are the protagonists of this whole shebang, pal!”

“Mmm, that’s arguable, though I can see your viewpoint. We’re all the main characters of our own stories.” He cocked his head with a smirk. “But you know, if I may say so, Neddy, I’m kinda disappointed in you. This is a pretty flat ending to your little tale.”

Behind him, Jolene was staring incredulously that Ned was conversing rather than shooting their newly arrived foe. She said shrilly, “Less talking and more shooting, Ned, you dolt!”

“‘Flat’?” Ned repeated, apparently having not heard her comment at all. He narrowed his eyes. “Male and female anti-heroes ride off into the sunset is hardly an unused ending! It’s downright romantic in a certain light.”

“Only if the chemistry is there, which—” Nick looked over at the incensed Jolene. “—I’m willing to say doesn’t exist in the audience’s eyes.”

Ned’s grip tightened on his gun as Jolene entreated him again to “Just shoot him!”

“This is the ending of the story we’ve been working toward. It’s the best option of all the possible outcomes.”

“Have you considered maybe the old standby ‘Heel-Face Turn’? Audiences are all about the character development in a last-minute Change of Heart from the lovable rogue of a baddie. You’d get bonus points for helping the heroes win the day!” He indicated the increasingly enraged Jolene. “And not for nothing, but a Mistreatment-Induced Betrayal trope would be super satisfying right about now.”

“Are you seriously chatting right now about stupid storytelling garbage?!” the bunny shouted, her voice shriller still and beyond livid. “Why isn’t he dead yet??”

Ned blinked a few times. It definitely looked like the wheels were turning behind those fairly non-emotive eyes. Jolene looked back and forth from Ned to Nick in disbelief, as did the mammals looking on all around them waiting to see how this was about to end up.

SCREEEEEEEEEEECH!!

The whole car suddenly lurched hard, making several standing passengers wobble dangerously -- including both Jolene and Ned. Nick gave a mental Attagirl, Carrots in his partner’s general direction and then sprang into action. In a flash, Nick was in motion, zipping straight past Ned and lunging right at Jolene. He grabbed the gun and twisted her arm hard to the side. From the sudden pain, the surprise attack, and her lost balance, he wrestled the gun away from her in less than a minute.

He and Ned had a bit of a Mexicat standoff for a moment, standing with guns aimed at each other. Nick let it sink ever so slightly.

“I think you have it in you to be the hero of this story, pal.” He nodded at Jolene. “Let’s put the real villain away together. What do you say?”

Ned opened his mouth a few times, struggling to decide which path to take; oh, how he wished this story were less of a movie and more of a choose-your-own-adventure novel where he could take as long as he needed to make up his mind. And then Jolene decided to open her mouth and make the decision very easy for him.

“I can’t believe how stupid you are!” she all but screamed at him. “This is so simple a child could figure it out! You shoot him and get your stupid lazy ass over here right now and help me, you idiot!”

The uncertainty in Ned’s face solidified in an instant. He did move toward her, but only the arm holding his gun. The rest of him moved with absolute conviction next to Nick.

“I’ve always been a sucker for a good redemption arc,” he said simply by way of explanation.

Nick smiled and nodded. “It’ll definitely make for a good next chapter in your story, buddy.”

Jolene’s infuriated face blanked for a moment and then redoubled in both anger and conviction. She turned on her heels and started to bolt. Yeah, there were two guns aimed at her, but with how goody-two-shoes those two dolts were being, she put her money on neither of them having the guts to actually fire at her, especially considering the innocent bystanders nearby.

She really should have given those innocent bystanders more thought. She had taken maybe half a dozen steps when she was met with a veritable wall of mammals. She looked up into multiple angry faces that ranged from ferrets to deer to wolves. She shrank beneath them just before she heard someone call out “DOG PILE!”

And that was the last thing she remembered hearing before everything cut to black.

Judy swore she would never take solid ground for granted ever again.

Once the lock chains had been broken, the conductor did exactly as he said he would and decoupled the train from the engine car. The car sped off, crashing some few miles ahead when the train track curved and its speed was too great to negotiate the turn. The area around the track, though sparsely populated with only a few homes and crops, was demolished, as was the engine car. But because he’d called the situation in ahead, there was enough time to clear any civilians out before that happened. The Railroad Authority and the ZPD would soon jointly plan a commemoration for Oswyn the conductor, who did not escape the engine before it crashed. He would be counted among the heroes of this whole escapade.

As, grudgingly, would Ned the hijacker. According to Nick, he was able to convert him just in time to help subdue Jolene with the help of a few of the girthier passengers. By the time the passenger cars stopped completely, she was struggling to breathe under the weight of multiple mammals.

And now both she and Ned were being led away by the ZPD. They finally caught up to the train once it stopped moving. Since Ned was suddenly into being cooperative, he corroborated the story Nick and Judy told Chief Bogo, who was relieved he didn’t have to arrest two of his best officers.

“Well, that’s my statement done,” Nick said as he came up beside her with their bags. “You finished with yours?”

“Yeah, Chief took care of it,” she answered and accepted her bag from him. “He also wanted me to know that if we give him this much paperwork to do while on vacation, we’re never allowed to take paid leave to Bunnyburrow ever again.”

Nick made a face. “That’s rude. It’s not like we asked to get stuck on a hijacked train and battle evil doppelgangers while picking our way circuitously to the engine car for an epic showdown.”

“I’m sure he’s just cranky,” she said with a pat on his shoulder. “Don’t let him get to you. We cracked the case, saved the day, and still have our whole vacation ahead of us. We crushed it.”

A horn honked and Judy looked over in the direction of the sound to see her parents waving excitedly from her father’s beat up truck. Her ears sank. “I don’t know how I’m going to break it to my parents about Jolene.”

Nick hoisted up his bag. “Nothing that can’t wait until after we get some well-deserved downtime, I’d say.”

“You’re probably right.” Judy picked up her bag and they started walking toward the Hopps pickup. After a few beats, she added, “I’ll pay you twenty bucks.”

Nick laughed hard and tousled her ears. “Absolutely no chance in hell, Carrots. No chance in heaven nor hell.”

Chapter Text

WARNING! This nonfiction section contains mild spoilers for the many paths of the story, as well as anti-spoilers for things that were going to happen but never did. You can read this whenever you’re ready, but we recommend saving it for when you feel satisfied with how much you’ve already read. Thanks!

You made it! You survived your adventure! Or, y’know, maybe you didn’t, but that’s okay too! But now, as promised, we’re going to break down who wrote what chapters. Now I’m gonna struggle with what order to list people in so as not to piss anyone off, so for the sake of fairness, I’m gonna go in increasing order of complicated-ness to explain!

Well, for starters, if you made it through their subsection, you already know that the dynamic duo of The Artist Formerly Known as Berserker88 (now PurpleZerk) & JackofMinds handled 4, 8, 12, 16, 20, 24, 28, 36, 41, 45, 47, 48, 49, 63, 64, and 65. And if you failed their subsection and went to jail, you may have recognized Alex Boehm’s trademark gratuitous violence in 29, 42, 51-55, 60, 61, 76, 77, 82, and 83. The fuzzy blue fox himself Vol contributed chapters 18, 26, 27, 31, 32, 37, 46, 58, 71, 72, and 79. We were blessed with Ben’s encyclopedic knowledge of choo-choo trains for chapter 74 (in addition to a lot of consulting about how exactly these machinated beasts operate), while BlueLighthouse and his famous bunny Trisha made a cameo for 86.

…Okay, those were the easy ones. The rest were a big gaggle of collaboration. For starters, QuillCheese & Epsizet commandeered 3, 6, 17, 25, and 62, but Ep also cowrote chapter 21 with Pandora, who solo’d 10, 14, 39, and 88 (which was the canonical Good Ending by the way) in addition to collabing on many more with the likes of Skul, who solo’d 5, 30-32, 38, 57, 59, 75, 84, and 85, and with Anillio who personally took chapter 70 but collab’d in many more which I will exhaustively and annoyingly list in a moment. Doba (OMG that’s me! 🐻) helped too, soloing 1, 2, 7, 9, 11, 13, 15, 19, 22, 23, 34, 40, 43, 44, 50, 56, 66, 67, 69, 71, 73, 78, and 81, in addition to scripting 35.

The collabs not yet listed are as follows:

• 33: Pandora, Skul & Doba

• 68: Pandora & Skul

• 80: Pandora & Skul & Ani & also Doba (jeez, guys, chill)

• 87: Skul & Ani

And the Radio Clip in chapter 35 featured the voice talents of Doba, Skul, Jack, Pandora, and Cerealheed, who tried to decline an author credit but we bullied him into accepting it. We’d also like to acknowledge TomTheRacoon for helping us set up the flowchart we used to organize the story paths (draw.io, cannot recommend enough) as well as DrewIt, our connection at ZNN who was gracious enough to help set us up with a Feature article to drop right as we were ready to publish this.

Wow, there was probably a more efficient and straightforward way of doing that, but I just spent an hour typing that all out so I ain’t erasing it. And now, on a lighter note, how about some trivia!?

TRIVIA, WOO HOO YAY!

• The very first premise of how to set up the story was to have the very first decision to be a three-way choice: Yes WildeHopps, No WildeHopps, and Maybe WildeHopps. This would then lead to three entirely different adventures writing the fox and bunny accordingly. This was quickly abandoned not just because it was too complicated, but because we were trying to divide the writers between factions and found out quickly that most of us were in the Ambivalent to WildeHopps camp.
• Another scrapped idea was that Jolene and Eddie/Ned were actively trying to crash the train into Bunnyburrow Station as revenge against its small-mindedness and to REALLY eviscerate Nick and Judy’s (probably posthumous) reputations. We decided that would be better as a “different authors choose how extreme they are” thing rather than a hard tenet of the canon.
• There is a canon! There are also things that are specifically meant to be different depending on the writer’s choices. You can read the Fic Bible here to see what we were working with.
• Other ideas tossed out included:
  • Eddie/Ned being a relative of Gideon Grey’s or someone who Nick burned in the past
  • Gazelle being aboard the train or planning to greet the Gaboose at Bunnyburrow Station
  • Nick and Judy not originally being on the train, but boarding it as the hijacking is in progress because, y’know, they’re cops
  • The train traveling in the opposite direction towards the city
  • And a straight up bomb being somewhere on the train
  • We also nearly had a fourth option at the end of the first chapter to try to escape the Gaboose via an escape hatch in the roof before Ben pointed out that cabooses didn’t actually have those.

• Jolene was originally just thrown out as a placeholder “J” name. We quickly decided we liked it and that it suited the Hoppses’ country character.
• The idea of Eddie/Ned being an extremely tall fox who couldn’t cut it as an actor despite his talent because his distracting stature restricted the roles he could land, now turning to crime out of nihilistic frustration, was borrowed from Dobanochi’s L’EDgendary, which starred the Disney version of Robin Hood whose background was that he was a formally trained and highly adept actor who nevertheless couldn’t book squat on stage nor screen because he was several standard deviations taller than even a leading man of his species should be, hence why he decided to try to be a hero in real life since nobody would let him play one in a movie. (Does that all sound really random? Go look up art of Robin and Nick together, you’ll notice that nine times out of ten, Robin is towering over Nick. Then go back to the original movie and realize that he was always super lanky.) Hey, admit it, it would make sense that Robin Hood would have had acting training: his talent for playing characters in disguise, his silver tongue, his Hollywood-good looks, and the way every heterosexual female absolutely drools over him. That said, Eddie/Ned is not himself supposed to be Robin Hood, though they’d probably bond over their common backgrounds. We never finalized an exact height for Eddie, and indeed different writers here seemed to interpret that question differently, but if it helps you to picture him, imagine the top of Nick’s head going up to maybe Eddie’s nipples.

Alright, I think I’m out of nonsense to spew at you. Thanks again for reading, and if you liked what you saw, check out all the authors of this piece to see what other wonders we might have for you! Toodles!