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“It’s just fanservice,” Matthew tells him, the first time he proposes the idea.
It’s not ludicrous; they both knew coming into this industry that skinship would be expected of them. The more that fans ship them, the better it is for their popularity, and by extension, their longevity.
It begins with light touches whenever they are aware they are being recorded. On variety shows, in behind-the-scenes videos, during fansigns. Wherever there is a potential for fans to see their dynamic, Matthew brings on his A-game. And Taerae follows the other’s cues.
In the beginning, Matthew is always the one who starts the act of skinship. Every time, just before he touches Taerae, he pauses, silently asking if Taerae’s okay with this. Every time, Taerae reassures him that he wants to do this too.
Taerae starts instigating it too after a while, relishing in his closeness with Matthew, as he caresses his face, or sits on his lap, or leans in for a kiss just to break away right before their lips meet. Matthew is always up for it, indulging Taerae’s attempts at closeness.
He’s not being selfish, Taerae tells himself. It’s just fanservice.
Taerae doesn’t know what the website with the white and red layout is that he catches Matthew reading from a few times. Upon being asked, Matthew tells him it’s an online archive, where fans read and write stories about them. He even shows Taerae a page that is full of stories written about the two of them. Their ‘ship’, Matthew calls it.
Based on what the other tells him, Taerae understands that having people write more fics about them is a good thing, and that they should do more fanservice to encourage this.
He had heard of (and maybe even checked out) stories written in Korean earlier. But it makes him happy that fans all over the world are invested in his relationship with Matthew.
No. Taerae got ahead of himself just now. It’s not a relationship. It’s just fanservice.
Eventually, the touches turn more and more risque. Every time they inch closer to each other’s lips, only to back away at the last few centimetres, it gets harder for Taerae to convince himself that it’s just fanservice.
“For the fans,” Matthew whispers as he snuggles into Taerae’s neck, holding him from the back in front of their practice room mirror.
Taerae doesn’t argue that nobody is recording them right now. No fans will get to see this. He simply slackens in Matthew’s hold and lets the other mouth around his neck.
Matthew is careful to be gentle enough not to leave any marks that would be awkward to explain to their team, much less cause speculation among fans. But if it’s just fanservice, wouldn’t speculation be better?
Taerae doesn’t question Matthew’s methods.
Taerae knows that he’s not the only one Matthew does fanservice with. He knows that Matthew and Gunwook are very popular together; fans are really invested in their dynamic, maybe more than they are with Matthew and Taerae.
Taerae also knows that because of the history they share from before Boys Planet, Matthew and Hanbin are quite popular too. Taerae doesn’t have anything like that with Matthew; their interactions from back then were very limited. They only got to know each other better after the show ended and they got ready to debut.
Is it just fanservice with the rest of them too, Taerae wonders sometimes. Or is it just fanservice only when it comes to him?
They are in the privacy of Taerae’s room.
Taerae had invited Matthew earlier to watch a movie that had recently been released. He made the excuse that nobody else would be interested in this except for them, though he had heard Gyuvin and Gunwook mention it excitedly just hours earlier.
Matthew told him he’d be able to come, but only after his workout. True enough, he is here in his spare workout clothes that he probably put on after showering at the gym. They are both wearing black tank tops, though Matthew’s fills his torso out much more than Taerae’s, he notes.
Taerae loads the movie while Matthew nestles next to Taerae on the bed, which Taerae just realises is far too small to accommodate both of them unless they are pressed up against each other.
Goosebumps erupt on Taerae’s arm when it makes contact with Matthew’s. For the next few minutes, he can’t concentrate on the movie at all, his attention diverted to the point where their bodies touch.
“Taerae-ya?” Matthew asks.
“Hmm?” Taerae replies, unable to form a coherent thought because their arms are still touching.
“Wanna practice?”
Practice what? They already practised their singing and dancing for many hours today, surely Matthew doesn’t want to do it again in their free time.
He turns, brows furrowed, only to see that Matthew is looking down at his lips.
Oh.
That practice.
Taerae can’t close his laptop and put it away safely on his nightstand fast enough, before Matthew pulls him closer. Taerae gives in easily and lets Matthew pull him onto his lap. He can feel firm muscles beneath him. Today must have been leg day, then.
Matthew tastes like the lip balm he must have put on after showering, and he acts like he’s starving. Taerae’s no better, wanting more and more. Matthew gives it to him easily.
They pause only after it becomes difficult to breathe, panting into each other’s mouths, still unwilling to completely let go. Matthew is flushed red, and Taerae imagines he doesn’t look much different.
“Is it?” Taerae challenges.
“Is it what?”
“Is it still just fanservice?”
Matthew stops to think over it for a second. Coming to a conclusion, he smiles against Taerae’s lips.
“No. No, it’s not.”