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Tyler Toffoli had a secret. A tiny, eight legged, completely humiliating secret.
Tyler Toffoli was existentially paralyzed by spiders. Not the tarantula kind, oh no those were big enough to punch. No it was the teeny house spiders, the half a grain of rice sized terrors that scuttled either terrifying speed and the silent promise of doom that made his heart pound.
He had managed to keep this weakness hidden for his entire career. Which in itself was a miracle of tactical evasion, a testament to Tyler’s ability to project steely focus even while internally screaming about dust bunnies with malice. And yet somehow none of his previous teammates had ever found out this information, which thank God, he could only have imagined what Chucky would have done with that information.
Tonight , however at the team’s annual Halloween party, which for reason unknown he had agreed to let Cat host. But Tyler found himself on edge. He had heard rumours. Rumours about Macklin and Will’s costumes.
He himself was dressed as the Big Bad Wolf, all fur and ready to growl at any eight legged freaks that came near him and he had staked out a corner near the beverage table where he could survey potential threats. So far the night was running smoothly. Cat was dressed as Little Bo Peep and was being a better host than he was. People were enjoying themselves, the music was a little loud and Tyler took a drink of his punch and allowed himself a moment of peace.
And then they arrived.
Mack and Will.
The room actually quieted for a beat.
There they stood, framed in the living room entrance and Tyler froze mid-sip. He felt the specific, cold sweat that only an arachnid related panic could induce.
Mack was a Spider.
Mack had committed.
His costume was a bespoke nightmarish amalgamation of black faux fur and rigid wire that gave him eight jerky, segmented legs that stuck out four feet in every direction. His mask featured two giant, glossy red compound eyes that caught the light like they were hungry and fangs that looked ready to sink into their next victim.
And speaking of victims. Will made a convincing one. His arms, between his elbows and shoulders were bound to his body in stretchy white cobweb material, leaving his forearms and hands free, and the spiderweb continued down to his knees, forcing him to shuffle after Mack. He was tied to Mack by a single, thick strand of web, forcing him to shuffle directly behind the eight legged monstrosity, following it’s every move like a loyal, albeit trapped shadow.
Their concept, their dedication , it was genuinely impressive.
To everyone else, it was hilarious. To Tyler, it was psychological warfare. The sight of Mack’s jittering limbs, a monument to everything that Tyler feared, sent a shiver racing down his spine.
This was a tragedy waiting to happen.
An utter, inescapable tragedy.
He saw Cat reach them, heard Will ask her if she was Little Miss Muffet and knew that he was about to be beckoned over. So before that could happen he began to slowly, hopefully migrate away from the duo, hoping to blend into the crowd of slightly drunk players and guests.
But Mack saw him first. Eager to show off his commitment to the theme. He spotted Tyler’s slow escape and began to maneuver his absurd costume through the crowded living room. “Toff! Hey wait up!”
But Tyler just sped up his escape from the eight legged hug of doom. He needed air. He needed a different zip code. He needed a flamethrower.
Luckily, Mack was slowed down by his shuffling victim and Tyler was able to escape them for them moment. But only for a moment as he was snagged by Skinner.
Mack, increased his speed, forcing Will to shuffle faster and his wire legs knocking over a chair. The entire costume looked like a malfunctioning, low budget theme park ride.
Tyler realized that he couldn’t just flee. Flee would just draw attention. Fleeing would look like guilt.
But he could go make more punch.
He strode purposefully towards the kitchen, hoping the narrow doorway and island would create a tactical barrier between him and the arachnid menace.
But they were relentless.
“Tyler? Are you mad at us?” Will asked, those entirely too blue eyes looking at him innocently.
“Mad? Why would i be mad?” He asked trying his hardest not to look at the abomination trying to fit through the kitchen doorway.
“Do you hate our costumes?” Mack asked.
“Of course not. They’re uh…really great. Really creative. I’m just busy, you know being the host.”
“Ty? Seriously man?” Mack finally shuffled into the kitchen but one of his legs snagged on doorframe and Will tried his best to free him. “Is it the realism? We tried but I know it could be better.”
“No, no, it’s fantastic,” Tyler choked out, staring at the bottle of alcohol in his hand and he wished it would kick in faster.
“Then why are you avoiding us?” Will asked, finally freeing Mack and pushing into the kitchen. “Did we do something at practice?”
Mack titled his giant spider head and it dipped closer, forcing Tyler to back up until his shoulder blades hit the refrigerator.
Mack, the oblivious Spider, decided the best way to reassure Tyler was tactilely.
Tyler watched in horror as Mack stepped closer, his intentions clearly to pat Tyler on the shoulder.
Mack slowly raised one of his enormous, fuzzy front legs, a dense, wire reinforced horror show, that arched slowly over Tyler’s head like the scythe of the Grim Reaper. The fake fuzz creating static electricity that Tyler could physically feel on his scalp.
Tyler’s carefully constructed sanity snapped.
His brain screamed. It’s going to touch me. It’s going to touch me. It’s going to touch me.
With a strangled cry, Tyler made his move. He didn’t run around them, he couldn’t risk contact with the legs. Instead he dropped into a low crouch and executed a perfect slide under the legs and scrambled out the doorway.
Mack and Will stared at the empty space where Tyler had just been.
“Did he just… slide under me?” Mack asked, bewildered.
Will shifted, trying to adjust his arms. “Umm, yeah. It was actually kind of impressive.”
“See he is mad at us!” Mack hissed. “We need to find him and apologize for whatever you did!”
“I did?” Will asked incredulously. “Why do you think it was me?”
“Let’s just go find him,” Mack declared, sliding back through the doorway and Will had no choice but to shuffle along with him.
And so, the Spider and his victim, in Tyler’s eyes the world’s most terrifying and yet the least effective pursuit team, shuffled after the panicked Big Bad Wolf, who was contemplating an immediate move to Antartica, the only continent confirmed to be truly spider free, just to escape the six feet of fuzzy, plastic eyed terror that was now stalking him through his party.