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Alec would positively flip out. Magnus knew that much. He knew there would be arguments and probably a fight, but all these foreboding events didn’t make him falter to do this. Because this was good. This was perfect. It would give them some amazing memories he absolutely longed to experience, all of them.
Magnus was standing in the middle of the room, a bit tired from using magic all morning. He tended to get melancholic when being in this mood, so he sat down on the large bright couch in front of the panoramic view, extending his legs, feeling the textured fabric under his fingers. He looked around and sighed contently.
He had seen his partner off this morning, pretending to have once again an external meeting with a client. He finished getting the kids ready all the while thinking about…well, chairs, to be honest. He dropped Rafe and Max off, taking a few minutes to chat with Luke who was just about to leave for the department and watching his sons from the corner of his eyes. Max already crawled to Ling, a young werewolf girl who was his favorite daycare teacher, Rafe and one of his new friends were already talking animatedly and standing in their rubber boots by the door to the garden, ready to bolt outside as soon as Jocelyn would turn the key.
Magnus stretched languidly on the sofa, still taking in his work. He listened to the ticking of the kitchen clock hanging in the corner of the dining area behind him. A large wooden table would allow them to have cozy evenings among themselves as well as hosting their extended family and friends. The family room where he just sat had a lot of space for the kids to play if it was raining.
The first thing he had accomplished this morning was the finishing touches to the kids’ bedroom and the multiple guest rooms on the second floor. His and Alec’s bedroom on the other end of the hall had already been complete.
The best parts of the house were the outdoor areas though. Since this was a beach house it wasn’t terribly surprising. And since it was located in a nook of a beautiful nature reserve at one of the most wonderful and secluded coastlines in Spain it wasn’t even less surprising. Tessa had suggested this area after being so kind to enquire some possibilities for him.
Magnus had always had a special connection to many parts of Europe. The continent held so much history in every sense of the word including his own, a part of him would always belong here, just like another would always belong to Indonesia. One day he would show his children that particular part of himself, but for now he was looking forward to introduce them to not only Europe, but also to their wonderful brand new beach house. A place where his family could relax and have fun apart from their busy lives in New York.
He eventually got up, sliding open the door to the patio. A light breeze was blowing, the wind chimes that hung in a corner making soft clinking noises. He took his time walking to the dune near the house, trudging to the top, breathing in and smelling the salty air. Magnus closed his eyes, listening to the steady waves of the ocean in front of him, welcoming the calmness that settled deep down in the pit of his stomach.
For at least two life-spans he had undergone a difficult relationship with the sea and water in general. Even as a child who hadn’t been able to fathom what he really was and had been confused and often enough sad, he had never been of anxious character. But the moment his father had held his head under water, those iron hands holding his slight shoulders down, he had gotten a glimpse of deep and utter fear for the first time in his life. Not because he had thought he would die. He had already held a diffuse sense that this wouldn’t be his moment to die. It had rather been the fear of eternal loneliness surrounded by complete darkness that had made his heart race, his fingers tingle with electricity and eventually his magic burst out of his body.
He opened his eyes and through his blurry vision Magnus allowed himself a moment of pretending to watch Alec sitting on the shore beside their sons holding out one hand. Max was digging in the sand and Rafael was busy looking for shells and putting them in Alec’s hand for him to keep. They were waiting for Magnus to join them so they could go for a walk in the beautiful afternoon sun before dinner. Rafe’s face was full of joy, he had loved the beach from the first moment they stepped through the portal. They would teach him to swim very soon and one of them would sit with Max on the shore watching, the little warlock shrieking with delight whenever a wave would roll over his stubby legs.
Magnus knew gratitude. He had been thankful to people in his life who had done something good to him again and again: Tessa, Ragnor, Clary, Alec, even the Silent Brothers who took him in. He had also thanked fate more than one time for things that had happened to him. However, this second kind of gratitude always carried a sense of shame with it. A deeply ingrained understanding that he actually didn’t deserve good things and received those just because fate was inattentive for a tiny second.
He turned to the house, still sensing the rolling ocean in his back and looking up at the wooden home he had created for his family.
And suddenly, while standing there, feeling the chilled sand under his feet and allowing himself a peek into the future, the contracting gurgles for breath he could still feel in his throat as well as the frantic gripping at his father’s hands that his tense fingers still remembered, faded behind him as if they were equally drowned in the sea. He finally let himself acknowledge something the people who had truly loved him over the centuries had always tried to make him see: Terrible things had happened to him. Things, that had hurt the human part of his soul in unspeakable ways. But he had made it through, because he had and would always see a light just as he had seen the sunbeams dancing on the surface hundreds of years ago. Just as he had seen the bright unmistakable love in Alec’s eyes when they were both ready to die.
He deserved happiness. He deserved this peace although he knew that unfortunately every peace was a fragile construct. He deserved this life-span with Alec. And Max. And Rafe. And this crazy family of Shadowhunters, Warlocks, Vampires and Werewolves. He deserved to feel at home. Just for once to feel that he completely belonged. He deserved to be loved and to be able to love back.
He swallowed against the lump in his throat and took a step forward.