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“Aoyagi, come take your paper.” The teacher calls from the front.
Toya inhales sharply and nervously goes to the front of the class, ignoring how some of his classmates were already whispering about how he was going to get the highest grade again.
He wishes hopefully that he does, hopes that he’ll be able to meet his own expectations.
However, during the exam, he had to admit that there were questions he struggled with, questions where his mind went completely blank. It’s been plaguing him constantly, because if he hadn't answered them correctly, it could significantly pull down his grade. And, it's worse that this subject is one of his favorites. So if doesn't get a good grade, the disappointment he'll feel would essentially be doubled.
His hands shake in anticipation as he takes the paper from the teacher, flipping the paper around so that he doesn't look at the mark until he's at his desk.
Not even a second after he sits down, he's already being questioned about his grade. “Ne, Aoyagi-kun, what'd you get? I bet you got really high, didn't you?” One of the classmates sitting near him asks.
Toya shrugs, “I haven't checked yet.”
Mizuki who sat right in front of him turned around with excitement etched on her face. “Well, do it already! It's not like the marks will change the more you put it off, right?”
She’s right. No matter what he does, the marks have already been decided. No point in delaying the inevitable.
So, he tentatively flips the paper around.
“Oh..” The earlier classmate says as she peers at his paper.
“Ah.” Mizuki adds quietly, unsure what to say.
Toya feels his heart sink as he stares at his mark etched in red ink onto his paper. At first, he didn't believe it. His mind denies the grade he received, unable to phantom how he could possibly screw up this badly. But once his initial denial passes, he's suddenly overcome with the urge to cry, as disappointment and dissatisfaction cloud his mind.
He chokes, bringing a hand up to his mouth to quickly stifle it and tries his hardest to blink away any tears that try to escape. He doesn't succeed.
Immediately, Mizuki is next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder in hopes of comforting him. He finds momentary solace in the action, touched that she cares about him. However, it does little to soothe the growing disappointment in his stomach.
His tears wet the paper, smudging the ‘seventy-five’ that was written in big red numbers at the front of the page. He bites into his hand when he starts to hiccup, trying to control himself despite knowing how obvious it was that he was crying. But biting his hand only stifles the sounds of his distress. It doesn't make them go away. Hence, his shoulders still continue to shake every time he breathes.
“Hey hey, maybe they didn't count the marks properly or marked it wrong!” Mizuki reasons, trying to make as much light from a dark situation.
Toya nods numbly and despite knowing deep down that it’s hopeless, he still flips through the paper, mentally counting the marks in a desperate search for a miscalculation error. Unsurprisingly, the marks were counted right, and he really did get just a seventy-five on his paper. The realization, the reality of the situation, causes more tears to spill from his eyes, and snot starts to drip down his nose which he uncaringly wipes against his collar.
“Do you want to go to the restroom?” Mizuki asks, moving her hand up and down his back in what he knows is an attempt at a soothing gesture.
He shakes his head, sniffing loudly to drag his snot back up his nose. It's unhygienic, and he knows he should blow it out instead, but he doesn't care.
He can hear his classmates around him whispering, overhears muttered phrases all around him.
‘Did Aoyagi do badly?’
‘Maybe Aoyagi isn't that perfect after all.’
‘Tch, I bet it's actually a really good mark and he's just got super high expectations.’
He hears their expectations of him, thinks about his own expectations, his fathers expectations, and crumbles further. His head drops onto the table and covers it by wrapping his arms securely around his head, until no light can pass through and everything is dark.
“I think you should, Toya-kun.” Mizuki urges.
He shakes his head again but doesn't protest when he feels Mizuki tug him up and drag him out of the classroom. Probably without proper permission too. Not that he cares anymore.
They walk past a few of the other classes, turning his head away when some of the students look out of the window and see his tearful expression. He's pretty sure they walked past Akito's class too, and distantly wonders if Akito noticed him.
“I can go myself.” He mumbles shakily, releasing himself from her grip. “I know you're not comfortable being in the boy's restroom.”
Mizuki grins sheepishly, “No it's okay I can-” She glances at the door, unsure. “I mean… if you're sure...” She trails off.
He nods. He doesn't want to inconvenience her any further than he already had and pushes open the door to the boy's restroom. He makes his way over to the sink, and stares at his own reflection numbly.
He feels pathetic as he takes in his reflection. He takes in his puffy red-rimmed eyes, the slow trail of tears that run along the curve of his face, as well as the disgusting drops of snot dripping from his nose. Immediately, he blows out the mucus into his hand and washes it away, repeatedly doing so until most of the mucus is gone and his nose is red from squeezing it too hard. He then proceeds to rub his eyes, wincing when he feels them ache from all his crying. There's also the beginnings of a small headache building up from behind his temples too. Not that he cares.
He continues staring at his image, taking in how half-dead his eyes look, how unmotivated and uncaring and distant he seems– it reminds him of his middle school days.
In his daze, he doesn't notice the restroom door being pushed open softly. Only realizes the presence of another person when they turn him around slowly to gently cup his jaw.
“You okay?”
Toya shakes his head, and the tears start to fall again. However, this time, they are quickly wiped away, in a manner that was much gentler than how he had rubbed them earlier. Through the hazy fog in his mind, he vaguely registers a head of ginger hair. At the sight, something instinctual in him tells him that this person is safe, that this person is someone he can surely rely on. So he sinks into their hold and collapses against their chest.
Their hands are removed from his face and instead, gently wrap around his waist, giving it a soft squeeze before tugging him closer gently.
“What happened?”
“I got a seventy-five.” Toya mumbles. “I'm supposed to get eighty-five, not ten marks lesser. I'm supposed to be better than this.” Toya rambles, distraught. He digs his nails deeply into the other person's back and knows he'll feel sorry for it later. But currently, he doesn't care and continues to scratch down the other person's back in an attempt to release the hurricane of emotions in his chest.
“Toya? Toya, hey. It's okay. Can you hear me? It’s okay.”
“It's not okay!” Toya exclaims loudly, removing his head from the warm chest to glare at Akito. Yes– that was the person’s name, Akito, his dear partner, who he just yelled at.
Immediately, he feels guilty. His partner didn't deserve that. “I'm sorry.”
“Don’t be, you have every right to be yelling.”
Toya disagreed. This could've easily been avoided if he had just studied more, studied harder, then he would've known how to answer those questions in the exam and got a higher mark. But no. He got distracted and now he's paying the price.
“Hey, don't beat yourself up over this partner.” Akito murmurs, gently caressing Toya's hair in hopes of calming his nerves. It helps, slightly. “You can just do better next time.”
“I– You don't get it! There is no next time! This grade is the highest percentage for the whole year and I screwed it up!” Toya argues. “And- my father! He may not care about what genre of music I'm pursuing anymore, but he still cares about my academics. What- what would he say if he saw this? He's- he's going to be so disappointed-”
He's hiccuping again. This time the hiccups come faster than he can take in breaths. If he weren't so out of it, he might've panicked further knowing that he couldn't breathe.
“Shit- Toya! Breathe!” Akito commands loudly, and starts exaggerating his breathing so that Toya can copy it and calm down. It takes a while but eventually, his breathing pattern returns to a relatively normal rate.
He slumps against Akito again, exhausted from crying, exhausted from his head aching and exhausted from his emotions.
“Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing stupid..” Akito murmurs, planting a quick kiss on his forehead. “You don't have to apologize for anything, I told you already.”
Toya sighs, slowly trying to collect himself while he silently lets Akito massage his temples to relieve his headache. It’s comfortable; warm in Akito's embrace, his partner’s presence effortlessly calms him down until he's no longer hiccuping and no longer smearing snot all over Akito's sweater.
“Feeling better?”
Toya hums quietly. He feels better, yes, but not great either. “How did you know I was here?”
“I saw you and Akiyama walking past the class and it was kinda obvious that you were crying. So I immediately asked to go to the bathroom. An saw you too, she’s worried.”
“Tell her not to worry when you go back, I- I'll be fine.”
“You sure? You alright heading back to class?”
Toya nods, “Akiyama’s with me. I'll see you after school.”
Akito sighs fondly and kisses his forehead again. “If you're sure.”
———
When Toya exits his classroom, he's not surprised to find Akito waiting for him already.
“Akito.” He greets quietly as he walks up to him.
“Hey, how're you feeling?” His partner asks, pocketing his phone to give Toya his attention.
“The same.” He answers plainly.
Akito hums to himself at his answer before abruptly grabbing Toya's hand and tugging him through the hallways. Toya lets himself get pulled along, not questioning where Akito was taking him even when they started walking down an unfamiliar street. Eventually, they're standing outside a cafe Toya hasn't been to yet. However, judging by the new flyers pasted on its windows, he assumes that the cafe just recently opened and Akito’s been thinking of bringing him here for some time already.
“You okay with eating here?” Akito asks.
Toya nods wordlessly, too busy realising just how considerate Akito is whenever it comes to him. He never forces Toya to do anything he doesn’t want to and always asks if he's alright with it. He's very glad to have such a wonderful partner.
When they're seated down with menus propped up in front of them, Toya finds that he's unable to decide what he wants. Not that he doesn't like the food options, but rather because he isn't in the particular mood to eat much anyway. Akito's obviously against Toya skipping a meal and orders for him instead. And because Akito knows him so well, Toya’s lunch doesn't taste sweet and yet is still managed to be packed with flavour. There's also a cup of black coffee that came with it, since it's common knowledge that it's Toya's favorite drink.
He’s grateful for how Akito’s obviously trying his best to cheer him up with a good meal. On any other day, it would've worked. Akito even goes as far as paying for the bill in an attempt to further brighten his mood. Sourcing from Akito’s own words he had said: ‘you're already having a bad enough day, the least I can do is pay for the bill.’
Of course he had protested against Akito paying for the entire bill. It's not like the food was cheap either. But his partner wouldn't even let the cashier take his money while offering his entire wallet's worth.
He can't help but feel guilty when he notices Akito's now empty wallet, while his own still looks so full.
“Stop looking like that.” Akito scolds fondly. “I wanted to do this for you, don't feel guilty about it.”
“Still, I want to make it up to you.”
Akito waves him off, “Nah, there's no need. I really wanted to do this for you. If you repay me back then what was the point of it all you know?”
He knows. He gets where Akito's coming from, but still.
“Toya…” Akito murmurs when he obviously still looks guilty. “You're honestly too nice. I just wanted to make you happier okay? I don't want you to pay me back.”
Akito then takes a hold of his hand, squeezing it gently. Toya looks down at their intertwined hands briefly before caving in.
“Fine, I won't pay you back. Sometimes I think you're the one that's too nice.”
Akito laughs, “Many would disagree with you there.”
“Well that's because you don't treat them like how you treat me. If they knew this side of you, I'm sure everyone would agree with me.” Toya replies.
“No way. I'd ruin my reputation like that. Do you know how insufferable some people would be if I treated them like I do with you?” Akito grumbles.
His partner’s grumpiness manages to force a laugh past Toya’s throat. They both know very well who ‘some people’ are.
“And anyway, you're special. Of course I'm gonna treat you differently from everyone else.”
He smiles. His partner can be so sweet when he wants to. It always manages to make something warm bloom in his chest.
——
Somehow, Akito convinced him to go to his house for the rest of the day. He had wanted to head home immediately and start bridging the gaps in his understanding of the subject, but he suspects that Akito knew he was thinking of doing that. So he's now trying to occupy as much of Toya's time as possible.
And although Toya tags along willingly, that doesn't mean he doesn't protest along the way.
“I should be studying.” Toya says again, when Akito's house comes into view.
“You've said that five times already Toya, I get it.” Akito replies, sounding more fondly exasperated than annoyed like Toya had hoped he'd be. He may or may not be purposefully trying to annoy Akito enough so that he'll get what he wants; to go home. It's a method that has been proven to work since the last time he used it, it had ended up with Toya getting exactly what he wanted. Where Toya had successfully angered Akito enough for his partner to leave him.
“And I know what you're doing. It's not going to work.” Akito adds.
“Do what?” He says, trying to act innocent.
His partner knows him better than that and rolls his eyes. “Oh nothing at all.” Akito replies sarcastically. So sarcastic that even Toya's usual obliviousness is aware of it.
They make it to Akito's room, where he places his bag by the door while Akito announces that he's going to shower. Toya nods, and waits patiently for Akito to exit the room.
The moment the door clicks shut, Toya's immediately taking out the relevant materials for the subject, textbooks, note books, worksheets, everything. He can't afford to have any gaps in his knowledge, he needs to make up for it by studying as soon as possible. So when he takes the next test for the same subject, he will get a grade that's better than the eighty-five he originally wanted. He will make up for the drop in his grade.
He picks up a pen and forces himself to do the work, forces himself to sit and do a few questions that are relatively simple. But try as he might, he can't make himself answer them. For the majority of the time he spends sitting on the chair, he's just staring at the questions, fruitlessly reading them over and over again when they don't properly register.
He finds himself growing increasingly frustrated.
Why can't I do this..? What's wrong with me?
He reads it again. Nothing comes to his mind. He simply just.. can't do it.
He lets out a sound of frustration, and shoves everything off the small table in a brief fit of rage. All his materials fall to the ground with a loud clatter, and he finds that he doesn't care.
‘He doesn't care.’
That feeling again. That feeling of being unbothered by everything. He hates it. It makes him feel worse because he knows that he should care, but he just doesn't; can't. So as his new go-to response, he drops his head onto the table again, wrapping his arms around his head in a way that’s reminiscent of his position when he had realised that it was hopeless to get a better grade.
The door is pushed open abruptly, causing Toya to take a peek at who it is. Of course, it's Akito standing there, with his hair still dripping and not even a towel around his shoulders to catch the water. He sees Akito's eyes widen slightly at the mess before he turns away, hiding his face back within his arms.
There's a rustling next to him not a moment later, and it's only out of pure curiosity that Toya takes another peek.
Akito's next to him, slowly picking up the books and papers he had pushed aside earlier, compiling them into a neat stack that he puts into Toya's bag. He handles the entire thing delicately, carefully slotting them into his bag and making sure that none of the papers are bent in the process.
Toya watches him quietly, only speaking up when Akito makes his way back over to him.
“You didn't need to do that.” He says as he shifts, creating enough space so that Akito could sit next to him.
Akito hums in response, more focused on dragging Toya's body closer to him instead. He lets himself get dragged and moved about until he eventually ends up with his legs kicked over Akito's lap, sitting sideways with an arm wrapped around his side.
“What happened?”
Toya shrugs, “I wanted to practice some questions to bridge the gap in my understanding while you showered.” It's now that his voice starts to choke up. Again. “But I- I just can't do it. For most of the time that I sat here, I just stared at the questions– I couldn't even make sense of it even when I kept reading it over and over again! There has to be something wrong with me!”
The entire time he rants, Akito never interrupts. He just listens to Toya quietly, trying his best to soothe him while he gets increasingly more overwhelmed the more he talks.
It's only when Toya stops talking then does Akito deem it appropriate enough to reply.
“Feel better?” He asks, for the second time this day.
Toya nods, admittedly feeling lighter now that everything was now in the open. He also took note of how Akito had prompted Toya to talk more should he have needed to. It reminds him again of how considerate his partner can actually be. He appreciates the thoughtfulness, but he's now far too drained to talk more even if had more things to say.
“You know, I get it.” Akito starts. “I get that you wanna get better immediately, but we both know how it isn't good for you from how I tend to overwork myself when trying to improve my singing.”
Toya nods. He can see the parallels, can see what Akito's trying to get at.
“So, you should know that you can't just force yourself to do something when your body just doesn't want to, Toya.” He pauses to push the hair out of Toya's eyes. “Today hasn't been the greatest day for you either. Your body wants to rest, not be forced to work even more. I would know, I have personal experience here.”
He understands where Akito's coming from. He does. It's just that he feels particularly stubborn right now. “But-”
Akito ‘shh’s at him to cut him off, “Nuh uh. I don't want to hear it. Whenever I overwork my voice, you're always there to tell me to take a break. So now I'm telling you that you have to let your mind rest. Exams are over, Toya. The next ones aren’t for another six months. You can take a break.”
He still feels stubborn, still wants to fight but, with the way Akito's looking at him now.. pleading for Toya to listen, he relents. It's the least he can do in return for how Akito has treated him the entire day. Plus, whenever Toya tells Akito to take a break, Akito always listens. It's only fair to his partner if Toya listens too, even if he doesn't like it.
Akito sighs in relief when he notices the fight leave Toya, “Good.” He murmurs, leaning onto Toya's head, pressing his nose against the other’s hair.
It's so comfortable like this. Akito’s always so warm and inviting, it's easy for Toya to sink further against him and just stay there.
They stay like that while time passes by in a blur, something cliche that he thought only happened in fiction. Apparently it's true though since Akito's previously dripping hair was now half-dry, a testament to how long he's lost track of the time.
Eventually though, his partner got antsy and moved them to his bed, maneuvering Toya carefully so that Akito's front was pressed against Toya's back, with his arm casually slung over his torso, reaching up to hold Toya's hands.
Only when they're like this, does Toya allow everything to fall away. It’s only when the two of them are tucked away in their little corner of the world, where Toya knows it's safe, does he allow himself to relax properly.
Toya yawns as the day's exhaustion finally catches up to him, earning a lighthearted laugh from the person behind him.
“Sleep partner. You deserve it.”