Work Text:
In the night, two pairs of footsteps echoed through the darkness between streetlights. It should be undignified for the proud daughter of the great Tao family to shuffle home along a back road with the trash and stray cats, but it felt right tonight. Jun Tao gazed at her feet, hands clasped together nervously. The man behind her kept falling behind and then hurrying to catch up. Li Pailong had always matched her pace perfectly as a mindless jiang-shi, but with his ego returned it was something he needed to learn anew.
Both of them would have a lot to learn in the future. Tonight, they were silent. The fact that they still walked together was enough.
Jun had always thought of Pailong as hers. That's how it was between daoshi and jiang-shi, after all… master and property. He did her bidding, protected her, killed who she wanted. He was proof of her superiority and shamanistic talent, having such a prestigious corpse with so much strength at her disposal.
It had been many years since she'd also thought of him as her responsibility. When young, she'd fussed over keeping him clean and whole. It had been an honor to be entrusted with him! She had spent hours practicing her seals so he could move smoothly, just as he had in life. There was a time, she remembered, where Jun had strived to be a fitting partner to Li Pailong. How many years had passed since then? When did she forget that they were a pair?
Jun felt oddly calm when they finally reached her temporary dwelling. She opened the door and pulled it wide to let Pailong march in. Instead, she found him staring down at her, eyes with so much life that it startled her.
“...after you.” He said, gesturing. In return, Jun gaped at him for just long enough to be awkward before she realized what he meant and hurried inside. He closed the door behind them, like he never had as her beloved corpse. There would be more to get used to than she'd imagined, though it might not all be bad.
Alone together, Jun let out a soft sigh, shoulders slumping. Pailong hesitated but walked past her to take a seat on the regal couch, an act reserved for those with presence of mind. It put his height a little closer to hers and she could meet his eyes before shyness made her look away.
“...if… you change your mind tomorrow, I can let you go. I won't begrudge you at all.” She murmured, “I’d like for you to stay with me, but I won't force you anymore.”
“I meant what I said,” he replied, voice firm and even, “I’m not ready to pass on and we've been partners for a while now, right?”
Jun nodded and he continued, “So I'll stay. And we’ll figure it out, I suppose.” Pailong leaned back, running a hand through his hair. Afterwards, he looked at the gashes left from his rampage. “...this is going to take some getting used to. I appreciate your help.”
“Oh!” Jun gasped, “I forgot, you were injured--hold on, I'll get you patched up!”
“It’s…” Pailong’s brows knit in consternation as he flexed his hand, “...it doesn't hurt. I know it should, but I… know it shouldn't? I haven't felt pain for a long time now…”
Jun was quiet, focused on the task of repairing skin and muscle. Pailong held out his hand to let her, watching at first before averting his eyes.
“I remember… I'm starting to remember things. It's not all clear, but I know I've been at your side for a while. You've needed me for a lot of fights.” He stopped short, then grimaced, “...you get too close to your enemies for how many people have tried to kidnap you, Jun.”
“You’ve taken care of all of them…” she protested, tying off her stitches so neat it could put surgeons to shame. The salve she wiped over the wound would mend his flesh in time, and the bandage she wrapped over it would protect it until then. It'd be faster for her to use a seal, but she'd promised to leave them aside. It… felt too soon to pull them back out.
“That's not the point,” he replied, taking his hand back and testing how his fingers moved, “If I'm your bodyguard, I should be in front of you before you provoke them.”
The chiding tone made Jun squirm, and Pailong seemed to notice and leaned back with a sigh. “Ah… sorry. Everything is still jumbled… I just… I think I've wanted to say that for a while.”
What a thought that was… her Pailong, standing at attention, silently berating her for her tactics. Despite herself, it made Jun smile.
“...it's fine. Whatever you want to say, I promise I'll listen without complaint.” She pushed herself upright and dusted off her skirt, risking a glance from behind her bangs, “...as your partner…?”
Her venture was rewarded with a faint smile. Pailong nodded. “As partners. But you should get some rest. It's getting late. You must be tired from everything...”
“...mmn.” she made a sound of agreement, starting towards her bedroom before a thought made her freeze. The comfort of her bed awaited, but so did Pailong’s coffin, standing empty and waiting for its owner. Who was now examining the stitches on his arm. Who was normally blank-faced and silent, a stalwart protector. Who would wait in his coffin as she changed and slept and woke and was talking and looking at her and so very much a grown man--
“Is it alright if I stay here tonight?”
Pailong’s voice cut through Jun’s growing panic, which she forced back down to return to a cool and calm expression. She looked over her shoulder at him.
“How do you mean?”
“This room, out here. I… want to think about some things.”
Jun, the dignified eldest daughter of the Tao family, did not let the relief show on her face as she nodded again. “That's fine. I… I’ll just get some sleep, I think.”
“Alright.”
Pailong shifted, apparently getting comfortable on the couch (or what posture he remembered as being comfortable--it wasn't as if he could tell anymore), and closed his eyes for the moment. Jun slipped towards her room, the weight of the day’s events finally turning to weariness… but she paused. Something wasn't…
“G-good night, Pailong.” Jun said before she turned and fled. If he replied, she didn't hear.
“Uh--g…good…”
Pailong’s reply came far too late, Jun’s door already closed between them. He hadn't been expecting it and wasn't sure if it was right for him to return the sentiment. He couldn't figure out anything he should say to her. How should he address her? Was it wrong to talk about their fights? He’d forgotten to thank her for patching him up and it was too late to do so now. Should he thank her?
He couldn't feel pain but his head was still splitting. Memory and emotion and thought swirled into one, jumbled and messy and overwhelming. Pailong could… remember his life. He was a star. He was a martial arts master. He had… friends. Pupils. A family. A master. Fans. Rivals.
And it felt… distant. Pailong clenched both hands tight, but the rage he'd felt before had cooled to… what? It couldn't be apathy, he wasn't such a cold man! But it wasn't passion, either! No longing, no nostalgia… just… something else. And guilt. Crushing guilt at what he lacked.
He remembered… the man who killed him. Somewhat. It came patchwork, thoughts slipping away when he tried to focus on them. Falling. Cold. Flashes of faces, distant and vague. Water.
Then, Jun. A young face, a child. Her expression had been… What was it? How had she looked at him when she laid eyes on him?
From there, it came together again. He rarely saw her, actually… he stared ahead, she was too short, even now. But he knew her voice, and how she called to him… my Pailong, the strongest man in the world. He could remember training… fights, being stitched up. More fights. Each little flash of memory was linked by her words.
Jun talked to him about her brother’s upcoming birthday as she checked him for injury. She talked to him while trying to make a difficult decision, working out her options to his silence. She bragged about him. She berated him. She cried in front of his coffin, alone in her room. She called to him in a panic, she called to him haughtily, she called to him exhausted. Her Pailong, her dear Pailong, the strongest jiang-shi of all, invincible.
Jun opened doors for him. She leaned against his back when she was finally safe, shaking like a leaf, choking back tears. She looked so scared whenever he was injured.
Pailong’s brow furrowed. She tossed her coat onto his arms in winter. And made him get things from high shelves. He'd moved furniture for her.
Thinking about her felt like it honed his thoughts, so he focused on that. He had wanted nothing more than to tear her apart, but no longer, all because…
…Li Pailong was no longer the man he'd been.
He shifted to lay on the seat though he was too big to fit, propping his legs over the couch’s arms. He didn't need to rest, but staring at the ceiling felt right.
Li Pailong was dead. Everything he had built, gone in a moment. He could never return to it, and… that was that. His master had told him to kill his ego, and when he left his body behind, he'd understood. The man called Li Pailong no longer existed in this world and nothing he had lost could be regained.
Yet that was natural, wasn't it? If he hadn't been killed, what would have happened? He was already starting to feel the strain of age at 30, would he still be able to fight at 50? Would he be alive? Lucid? Stunts went wrong. Hits rattled the brain. The pressure of stardom tempted release in drugs and drink and sex. He could have died at any time. No one in his life was guaranteed to stay. All things were ultimately impermanent.
He was gone and he remained. The unlife he had now couldn't be a replacement for what he'd had, but it shouldn't be.
He could still improve his martial arts, never withering to age or falling to injury. He’d never get sick. No more white hairs or mortgages or arguments with producers. No rumors about his personal life. No stalkers.
Pailong grimaced at that. No stalkers for him. Jun had them. She had relatives who smiled in front of her and schemed behind her back, and enemies who thought the Tao family daughter was easy prey. There were kidnappers who saw a pretty young girl traveling all alone and a family that could be crueler than strangers.
For as cold as she had become, Jun relied on him. She treasured him.
So…
Pailong wanted to stay with her.
The next time she talked about her problems, he'd answer her. If someone approached her on the street, he'd scare them off. If he thought she was being foolish, he'd tell her. For as cold as she had grown to be, Jun had a gentle heart.
It'd be nice to meet that girl again.
Jun dreamt she was in a movie theater. Pailong’s greatest masterpiece was airing and she wanted to enjoy it, but the kids in the audience kept talking and making fun of him. She wanted to tell them off but every time she tried someone else shushed her, leaving her burning with rage and humiliation. Just as they approached the climax, the film suddenly cut out, leaving the screen blank. She jumped to her feet to complain, but everyone around her was already leaving, talking about what a disappointment it had all been and how pathetic Pailong was. Jun tried to argue but they wouldn't listen, no matter how she tried to explain, they just refused to understand…!
Jun awoke in her bed, frustration boiling her veins and pajamas stuck to her skin with sweat. She blinked in the faint morning light, slowly coming back to herself… and then rolled over to bury her face in her pillow.
“...how stupid. Stupid. Stupid…! Such fools! My Pailong is the best in the world!! Idiots who don't get that should shut up!”
With her complaints vented safely, Jun sighed. What time was it…? She pushed herself upright and saw the empty coffin.
“Pailong!!”
The man jumped at the cry, whipping around as Jun burst through the door. The fear on her face had him on his feet in a moment and he leapt over the couch to get to her side, already looking for whatever threat had frightened her so.
He hadn't left, was all Jun could think. He flung himself towards her in a way he'd never moved before and she lunged to meet him, gripping the edge of his tunic just to be sure he was still there. He was cold as ever, hovering over her and she sagged in relief. Pailong shifted to catch her, giving her a moment to steady herself.
Had Pailong ever touched Jun before like this? Neither could remember.
After a moment, Jun’s heart stopped trying to escape her chest and she let go of his clothes, pushing herself back upright. The moment she shifted from him, Pailong let her go, taking a step back to look her over.
“F…forgive me for the outburst…” she murmured, unable to look directly at him, “I-I didn't see you and forgot where you were…”
“Oh.” Now his response felt silly, “...my bad.”
“N-no, you're fine. I, ah--” somehow, things had gotten even MORE awkward overnight, “It’s my fault for being scatter-brained…”
“N-no, that's not…” Having finally assessed that Jun was unharmed, Pailong could assess that she was also still in her panda-patterned pajamas, hair still messy from bed. He faked a cough and looked away, a strange emotion bubbling inside him. “...ahem. W-why don't you… prepare for the day, and we'll speak of this in a bit?”
Jun finally realized her state of disarray, face burning hot as she wrapped her arms around herself like she could hide the pillow mark on her cheek and sweaty skin that way. She bit back a noise and fled to her bedroom, leaving Pailong alone to pretend nothing had happened.
She emerged again some time later, perfectly clean and composed and cool, not a hair out of place. Unsure what to do, Pailong had simply stood there, waiting for the return.
Jun brushed her bangs out of her face in a very calm and unaffected way, only betrayed by the hint of color still on her cheeks. “Forgive me for my lack of composure, Pailong… I promise it won't happen again.”
“Ah… it's fine. You don't need to be so formal with me, either…” he replied, “Did you sleep well?”
For a moment, irritation flashed over her face at the memory of her dream, quickly smashed back down. “I slept well enough. I feel much better, physically. And… ah. How was your… night?”
“It was good,” he said, truthfully, “I needed to think things over, but I understand what I want to do, now.”
He hesitated before continuing, “...I did step out for a bit…”
“Eh!?” That caught her by surprise, leaving her staring at Pailong, “Y-you--by yourself!? Out into the city!? W-what if someone saw you!”
“It's fine, I went before sunrise,” he said, though he couldn't meet her eyes. He really should've stayed the entire night to protect her, but the novelty of choosing to walk away had proved too tempting, “I just wanted to get some exercise and clear my head, or… something.”
There was no point in it, being dead… he couldn't build muscles or stamina, but jogging along the city streets in the dim light before dawn, alone but for his motions and foot steps on the pavement… had felt good. And he'd kept his head down and moved fast when he glimpsed that one paperboy. The man couldn't have gotten a good look at him. Surely.
“That--that’s still reckless!” Jun stepped forward, looking up at him, “What if someone recognized you? Or you got damaged? What if you'd gotten hit by a car!”
His expression betrayed a hint of guilt, so she pushed even closer, “What if someone attacked you!? Shamans are gathering in this town…! What if someone came here while you were gone, and--”
While she'd wanted him to regret his actions, she wasn't expecting the way his gaze immediately snapped to meet hers, nor how hot it burned. She couldn't help it--she flinched.
Pailong’s mind flooded with images of what could have been. Dangerous shamans could have hunted Jun down. Or ordinary robbers, armed with knives to carve up any defenseless young women, asleep in their beds. Or--there could have been an earthquake, and furniture could have fallen over onto Jun in her bed, pinning her there, helpless, crying out in pain while he was--
Jun’s reaction snapped him out of it, but it still took a moment to register that he was the one frightening her. He had to force himself to look away, trying desperately to relax the tension that had seized him. He didn't want to frighten Jun anymore than he already had.
“P-Pailong--” she began, but he cut her off.
“I'm sorry, Jun. I shouldn't have left you alone.” His voice was tight, “I'm your spirit partner… so from now on, I'll be sure to stay at your side!”
Jun squirmed at the way he said that, the fierceness in his eyes, glaring as he was off to the side. It was terrifying to be pinned under that look, but when he directed it elsewhere…
“N-no, I'm sorry for…” Jun trailed off, then shook her head tight. They could go back and forth like this for hours, but it was no way to build a proper relationship! If she truly wanted to get to know Pailong, she couldn't be this way. Gently, she touched his chest to get his attention.
Once she had it, she offered him a weak smile.
“...no. I mean to say, it's alright. I know you’re strong enough to handle yourself… and I'm not so weak that I can't take care of myself without you. I'd prefer if you didn't go out without me, but I'm glad you were able to clear your mind.”
“Jun…”
He relaxed and she dipped her head, smiling a little more. Yes… this was the way she wanted to speak to him. Not harshly, not whining, but as equals.
“For now, I'll make something to eat and you can tell me what's on your mind. Ren is away, so we have time to talk to each other.”
She turned, making her way towards their kitchen, and was reassured by the footsteps behind her. His pace was more even this time, more sure of the stride he needed to match hers.
As she put on an apron, Pailong took up position, leaning against a nearby wall to watch her, feeling more comfortable on his feet than he'd expected. The fear and hesitation that had marked her over the last night seemed to have finally melted away.
The two remained in that comfortable silence for some time before he broke it, “...the world's changed a lot in the time I've been away. I’d like to start learning about what I missed. If that's alright.”
Jun smiled, placing a pan on the stove and lighting it, “...that's fine, then. What would you like to know?”
“Anything is fine.”
“Well, then… let's see.”
And she thought about him, as he did about her… about who Pailong was, and where he'd come from, and what he cared about. She thought about this man who had chosen to stay with her and apologized to her, and was standing at her side even now, committed to her protection. And she took a deep breath.
“...so, the Soviet Union collapsed--”