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“Ready…”
Pailong shifted his weight, spun, lifted his leg high, and snapped it down a moment before he felt a burst of mana flood his body. The strength of it threw his momentum off and forced him to over-correct on the downswing before he could bounce back into guard.
He scowled. It wasn't the first time.
“Jun, you're still too early.”
Jun struggled to keep her expression placid, but irritation made her twitch, “You're not being consistent, Pailong. I can't match your timing if you don't have any.”
The two had been at it for hours. Improbably, they appeared to be getting worse on every pass. Both were aware of it.
He glared at her from the corner of his eye, bouncing on his feet to stay in motion. “I’m not changing anything, this is just how I prefer to fight. You need to stop trying to force me into the tempo you think I should be following, just because you've gotten used to it. Keep up.”
“I'm not forcing you to do anything!” Now she wasn't even pretending to be calm, her expression as acrid as her words. She crossed her arms, fanning her talismans with an irritated little snap, “I’m letting you do exactly what you want, just like you wanted, and you're practically ignoring me! How can I do anything if you won't bother to try and work with me?”
“You should be trying to work with me!” He snapped back, dropping out of his stance to round on her, “I know Dao Dan Do! I created it! I'm fighting, you're supporting, and if you stop trying to lead my moves we can start improving!”
“That's exactly what I'm talking about.” She retorted, raising her voice as she took a step towards him, “I’m fighting, you're not--that’s now how this works! You might know martial arts, but it’s clear you’ve learned nothing about fighting as a jiang-shi. You won't be improving anything without my assistance--you need me if you don't want to be disassembled by any shaman with half a brain and a sword!”
“Sorry for not being a nice, obedient corpse!” He growled, lips curled in a snarl, “You didn't give me many lessons when I was your little toy! And who needs who?”
Pailong leaned down to Jun’s level. She didn't flinch, fury etched on her face.
“I can fight on my own, Jun. But what can you do without me? How do you think you've won every fight you've been in?”
The silence between them dripped with contempt.
“You…”
“The greatest martial artist in the world,” he interrupted, abruptly straightening and turning away, “...that's why you can call yourself ‘strong’. If your family hadn't given me to you…”
Jun took a sharp breath. He snorted and walked away from her, pausing to rest his hand on the doorway. He shook his head.
“...my master would be ashamed if he could see me picking on a little girl.”
“Li Pailong, you--!!” Jun yelled and he threw the door open, storming out before she could insult him. Left alone, she was stuck, red faced and furious, mouth moving as she tried to find the words that would make him regret his outburst.
There were none, of course. The daoshi could only stand there, boiling, hands clenched so tight her fingernails dug furrows into her palms.
Pailong made it to the open living space of their ‘house’ before realizing he was trapped. He paced back and forth a moment, anger only building--no room to retreat to, no space of his own, unable to walk the streets freely, only a coffin as refuge…!
Finally, before he could reach a boiling point, he stalked out the back door, slamming it behind him. If he couldn't cool his head on the streets or in a bar he could at least wait it out on the rooftop above.
Anything was better than remaining in that damned burnt out husk the Taos called home. At least among the vents and ducts he could be alone.
They were trying. Each of them truly and honestly thought they were. It should have been easier… Pailong felt stronger fighting under his own direction, with his own instinct, and Jun was able to be more flexible when she reacted instead of planning each fight.
So why wasn't it working? How were they still fumbling through each training session, only rarely managing to sync the way they both felt they should?
Day in and out, the two remained in the place they called home and practiced. There was little else to do while Ren and Bason prepared for the Shaman Fight. Jun only occasionally left to go shopping, and the house lacked any entertainment but a couple of books and the radio. When Jun was out or asleep, Pailong could only listen to late night shows or do endless, pointless exercises.
She didn't want to abandon him when he was still adjusting to life as a jiang-shi. Sometimes she caught him gazing out the window when a family walked by, silent. When she ate, he lingered in the room, as if wanting to join her but having no reason. He didn't want maintenance and didn't return to his coffin, and she couldn't bear the thought of leaving him alone in such a state.
He watched her pad around silently in a burned out building and thought of nothing so much as a ghost. She was alone, only a corpse to keep her company, day after day. She woke and dressed and cooked food and cleaned and all for what? She couldn't enjoy the sunshine or go out with friends, and the only time he could safely accompany her was in the dead of night, when no girl her age should be on the streets. What could she even do?
Neither could help the other, and neither could leave, and so all there was to do was train and train, and not discuss the gulf that was growing between them by the day.
Maybe it was inevitable that things would eventually collapse.
Jun pressed her hand to her forehead and told herself she didn't care where Pailong had gone. The sun had dipped below the horizon, leaving the city in dim twilight, but he was still nowhere to be seen. He wasn't stupid, he wouldn't have wandered out where someone could recognize him. He was probably close by. And if he wasn't…
…Could she go after him, if he’d left? Chase him down? What would she say?
He was right. He could fight on his own and train his Dao Dan Do without her. Jun’s support let him go against other shamans and spirits and her mana kept him moving, but if he just wanted to hone his martial arts… surely, there was another fan of his who could take care of him. Someone who’d treat him with reverence and respect.
Someone who didn't see him as a weapon.
He didn't need Jun.
Pailong stared at the sky, unblinking. He couldn't feel the breeze, and the sky was too cloudy to hint at any stars. Jun hadn't come looking for him, and he was grateful to be left alone. Hopefully, she hadn't left without him noticing, either… who knows what might happen to her if she was on her own in the city without his protection.
He couldn't understand how to fight anymore. In life, he'd been a master of his own body. In undeath, Jun had honed him to a fine edge, able to topple foes twice his size. He should be even stronger now, but instead he was slipping ever further from his ideal of martial arts. Jun was a talented daoshi, perhaps one of the finest out there… and all he did was waste her efforts.
He didn't know how he should work with her and couldn't imagine what he'd do without her. All he could do was drag them both down.
What a pathetic partner he made.
It was dark when Tao Ren arrived home. On the rooftop, Pailong got to his feet at the sound of someone approaching, only relaxing when he recognized the pointy hair of Jun’s younger brother. If the boy noticed him watching, he gave no indication, and Bason only stared up at him a moment before following his master inside.
It gave him plenty of reason to remain outside. Ren would keep Jun company and keep her from being lonely and he could stay up here and not have to face either of them. When they both went to sleep, he could return, and… and. He'd figure it out.
Inside, Jun surged to her feet when she heard the door open, “Pailong?”
Her stomach sank when she was greeted by the scowl of her younger brother and the silence of his ghost. Ren sneered at her.
“Who? This is a terrible welcome back…”
“O-oh…” Not that she wasn't glad to see Ren, safe and sound, not in the slightest, “I'm sorry. Ren, welcome home… Are you hungry? I'll get--”
“I'm fine.” He cut her off, walking past her to set down his guandao. “Why are you calling for that guy? Isn't he skulking in some corner around here?”
“Ah, uh…” She couldn't quite look at Ren, hurrying after him to check for injuries without being obvious, “...he just stepped out for a moment. We had a small disagreement.”
“Stepped out!?” Ren snapped, turning back to stare at her, “Disagreement!? Nee-san, do you hear what you're saying? Why are you letting your jiang-shi run wild!? Call him back and don't let him speak if he’s going to disobey!”
On the roof, Pailong scowled. So much for avoiding Ren… of course sound would carry through the air ducts. Even up here, he couldn't escape the Tao.
“Ren… it's not…” Jun rubbed her arm, unable to relax. “...I know what you're saying, but…”
“But what? That guy’s your ‘friend’ now?” Ren huffed, storming to his designated chair throne to flop back into, “This is pathetic, nee-san. You got beat once and suddenly you're talking about being partners, letting your corpse rule over you… it's an embarrassment.”
Jun flinched, lowering her head. She'd noticed bruises along her brother's spine, so he was surely in pain… if he was taking that pain out on her, she could bear it. It wasn't as if anything he said was wrong, after all.
“...it's… I understand how strange it must sound, and I won't ask you to agree with me, but…”
“But?”
She sighed, shifting away from him, “...I don't want to dominate Pailong just because we argued.”
She could feel Ren’s judgemental gaze. High on the roof above, Pailong lifted his head.
“He… might not do everything I want, but I can already tell that he's stronger than he was before. And even without me forcing him, he still listens to me.”
Ren scoffed.
“I'm not saying you're wrong, I just think that for Pailong and I, the Tao way isn't necessarily the best one. We just need some time to figure out our own path. That's all.”
“...this is stupid. You sound like an idiot.”
On the roof, Pailong twitched at the insult. If it wasn't so childish, it might have angered him.
“The dead are tools. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“...well…”
Jun hesitated, and Pailong strained, waiting to hear her next words.
“...it's alright if you think that way right now. I promise, one day, I'll show you what Pailong and I can do.”
Pailong leaned back against stained concrete and stared into the sky. Down in the building below, Ren clicked his tongue loudly, pushing himself up from the chair.
“Whatever. If you aren't gonna listen to me, I'm sure our parents will put you in line. Do whatever you want. Bason.”
The young shaman swept towards his room, his spirit trailing behind with only a brief glance at Jun. She didn't try to follow them, looking down instead. For as harsh as Ren’s words were, she knew what he was trying to warn her about. They both knew the price of straying from the Clan’s ideals.
“...one day…” she murmured, though there was no one in the room to hear her.
Above, the wind rustled unfelt through Pailong’s hair. It shifted the clouds, just enough to let a slip of moonlight fall to earth. The skies hadn't cleared, but they would. If not now, in time.
It wouldn't stay cloudy forever.
Jun was peeling potatoes when the door opened again. After her mistake with Ren, she didn't call out immediately, only craned her neck to see if it was the one she was waiting for.
Pailong entered the house and closed the door behind him quietly. He stood a little less proud than usual, perhaps.
“...I'm back, Jun.”
“Welcome back, Pailong.” Jun set down her knife, but stopped, not looking his way.
He hesitated, but joined her in the kitchen. Neither spoke for a while, and finally she picked up her knife again, focusing on the potatoes.
“Where were you?” She asked, then winced at the accusatory tone.
Pailong bristled momentarily, but pushed the feeling away. It was normal for her to wonder. “...not far.”
She stiffened and he realized he was being too vague. She must worry. “The roof. There's a ladder in the back. I didn't go anywhere in particular.”
Jun’s shoulders relaxed. So he hadn't been doing anything risky… she had assumed so, but the confirmation was a relief.
“...that's good. To know, I mean.”
The soft shk of potato peels dropping into the sink was the only sound.
An apology sat on Pailong’s tongue and he kept it trapped behind his teeth. It was better to pretend nothing happened. He could return to skulking in a corner, and tomorrow… he'd try to match her pace better. Just before he could leave, Jun spoke instead.
“...I’m sorry, Pailong.”
Her voice was small. If he hadn't been paying attention, he could have missed it.
“I keep…” she struggled to speak, setting her knife down again to rest a hand on her forehead, “...expecting you to act the way I want you to, exactly how I imagine. Even now. Even though I know that's now how it is...”
“...”
“You're right. Without you, I can't… I need your strength, but I don't want to go back to how things were before.
“...I can't be upset when you act on your own. That's the whole point of you being free, right? So I'll do my best to match you, instead of trying to force you to adapt to my pace. I'll reach your level instead of dragging you down to mine. I won't become something that holds you back.”
Jun gripped the edge of the sink. Her face felt too hot to look at him.
“...I shouldn't have yelled.” Pailong said, at last. He looked away, “I know it's different. You're trying to change.”
“It's not easy,” she said, her smile bitter.
“...it's not.” He agreed. “...but I would rather we fight and then apologize, if it means I can remain the way I am.”
“I feel the same,” she admitted, slowly relaxing, “I know we’ll become stronger like this. Or... no, that's not right--”
Jun suddenly swung to look at Pailong, the look on her face so much more vulnerable than he would have thought. He stared, surprised.
“I want to continue to talk to you like this. I want to be able to look you in the eye and learn more about you, just because. Not only so we can become stronger.”
“Jun..."
“I want to be more like that boy and his samurai,” she admitted, running a hand over her arm shyly, “...I want to be your equal. Your partner. I want to understand you.”
He didn't know how to reply, watching her avoid eye contact. Ren’s words came to mind, the way they'd echoed through the vents… the way he talked about Pailong, the way he avoided using his name. So easily, he could still hear Jun speaking the same way, cold and calm as she ordered him into battle.
He remembered the way she'd looked at him when he asked to stay her jiang-shi.
He clapped one hand onto her head, ruffling her hair. It was the very last thing Jun had expected him to do and it prompted her to let out an undignified squeak, reaching up to try and stop him.
“Tomorrow, let’s forget about training. We'll do something else instead.”
“H-huh? But--” Pailong was surprisingly unbudgeable... She couldn't stop him from messing up her carefully arranged hairstyle.
“We won't fall behind from missing one day,” he said, finally cracking a smile, “Having this body made me forget you need to take breaks if you want to improve. We can talk, instead. I still barely know you, either.”
“Pailong…” Oh, it was hopeless now. Her hair clips had slipped… she was a mess and he was grinning at her…
“Unless you'd rather do something else?”
“I…” at last she was able to peel his hand away, holding it in both of hers. What an absurd thing to do… and she couldn't help but smile a tiny bit, too. “...no, I'd like that. It's getting boring, doing the same thing all the time.”
“It is.”
He took his hand back and she tried to fix her hair, eventually abandoning the attempt and letting it fall to her shoulders.
“I still have to make dinner,” she said, looking back at the neglected, half-peeled potatoes, “...I know Ren prefers we have meals by ourselves..."
…threw a fit when Pailong acted too little like a jiang-shi and relaxed in his presence…
“...but why not sit for a little while? While I cook? You can put on music, if you'd like.”
He pulled out a chair and did so as she returned to work. After a glance at the radio, he shook his head and sighed.
“...that's okay. To be honest, all this new music sounds the same to me. It’s all so… vapid.”
“...ah…” Jun hummed, focused on her work, “...you sound like an old man right now.”
“Huh??” Pailong sputtered, “W-what do you mean, old man? I'm not that much older than you, it's just…”
“Should we search for an oldies station, maybe?” she teased, waving her paring knife as emphasis.
“Oldies!?” He cried, “Jun, at least call it ‘classics’, please!”
Jun giggled, lifting a hand to hide her smile, and Pailong was struck by a certainty that they'd find a way to make it all work. Even if it was hard, even if she made mistakes and he was impatient, and even if the whole Tao family looked down on them both.
“...Let me help you with that.” He stood, shifting to join her. She looked up, blinking at him.
“Ah, there's no need…”
“I know. But I’d like to give you a hand. I'm not great, but I can do a little bit of cooking.”
She pursed her lips, looking him over and lingering on his pale hands. At home, jiang-shi did work in the kitchen, and she was very careful in how she treated his body to keep him clean and non-toxic…
“Wash your hands very well, first… can you chop onions?”
He nodded, “I think I remember how to, more or less. I'm sure it'll be easy when they can't make me cry.”
That made Jun smile, and she shifted to the cutting board to finish preparing the potatoes while he scrubbed his hands. The sight of Li Pailong, kung-fu superstar, bent double a slightly rusty sink and almost dropping a bar of soap, was something incredible.
It would work out, she thought. Somehow, it would. Even if he got frustrated, even if she kept failing, even if her father and mother and Ren looked down on her for her choice. They would make it work.
Without any more words, side by side, Jun and Pailong moved through the kitchen. Somehow, they never got in each other's way.
That night, dinner came together a little faster than usual. Beyond the windows, unnoticed by anyone, the moon shone bright.