Work Text:
Lain sat down infront of a paper and a pen. She began writing a thoughtful note,
"Hello papa, I hope this letter finds you well. First of all, thank you for caring for me even when nobody else wanted to. Thank you for the attention you've given me in the short time I've spent under your care. I just wanted to say....."
She wrote endlessly, pouring out the emotion she has cultivated within her being for her caretaker. Her father was just an ordinary scientist, a man with a family before Lain came into the picture. The bond wasn't anything special and it might've felt artificial at times, but it was a real connection nonetheless. One of the few bonds Lain has ever forged with another human being that wasn't on The Wired.
Maybe Lain just wanted to write something for someone, to show she truly did feel even when she's not biologically made. It was hard for someone like her to make relationships with other people, but she still craved for love and validation to those willing to give her. Nothing has changed though, and she still continues being an existence with the only purpose to observe.
The pen was laid down, dried ink rested on the ball of the pen. Lain didn't know what to do with the paper, she couldn't send it in fear of making her presence known, but she wanted to give it to someone. A sharp pain erupts in her body, particularly at the heart area. 'This is what loneliness feels like,' Lain remembers.
She stared at the paper before her, sondering about her parents and the people she was close with. If she was given another chance at life, she would've probably rejected it. She knows her existence would cause pain and distress onto others, and she doesn't want that to be her only doing. The feeling of misery and isolation could be dismissed and repressed, even when it ruins her soul, or lack thereof.
All she wanted was to be loved, but it's proven time and time again that it was difficult to do so, or so Lain thinks. Before her deletion, there was never a response back whenever she tried reaching out in the real world, but thousands on The Wired would immediately come to her aid if she even thought about wanting company. Even when socialising on The Wired feels static and hollow, it still fills a hole within Lain's heart just enough for her to feel content. Lain wasn't sure if she really did have a heart, but sometimes she could feel it beating.
Lain took ahold of the paper and crumpled it into a shape that resembles a ball, immediately burning it with her hand after.
It was silly of her to think about wanting love.