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A warm, sandalwood-scented candle glows an orange hue from the centre of the dinner table. Soft, string instruments play a tune from a radio from somewhere else in the room. You’re back in a kitchen you’ve become familiar with, it’s the only place you ever go on a date.
“This is amazing, Lin, you’ve really outdone yourself this time,” you hum in satisfaction after you take the first bite of the plate she placed in front of you.
You watch as she shakes her head at the praise, a smile on her lips, nonetheless, one that she covers with a glass of red wine, “You always say that whenever I cook, how am I meant to know you aren’t lying?”
“Isn’t that your job?” You tease with a waggle of your eyebrow, and Lin rolls her eyes in response. “Chief.”
Her jaw clenches at the title and, if you weren’t as perceptive as you were, you would’ve said that she enjoyed you calling her chief, however the look in her eye told you otherwise. It was complicated; Lin was complicated, but it also made you feel head over heels for the woman.
Lin did, in fact, like you calling her chief, it had her heart beating like it was trying to run away from her. But, it also reminded her that she was older, that she was the one with the power, the one in control, and that you were younger. Way younger. It made her feel as if she was taking advantage of you, that she was somehow forcing and manipulating you into being in a relationship with her. When she knew better than anyone else, that it was quite the opposite. It was you that had pursued her, it was you that made the first move, and it was you with all the power if you knew it or not.
The feeling of you taking her hand pulls her out of her thoughts, and you smile at her softly - the one that makes all her worries melt away.
“Come with me to Zaofu,” Lin proposes.
It’s a big step in your relationship and as soon as the offer hangs in the air you both realise how heavy it is. Lin swallows as she searches your face.
“As us, or as co-workers?”
The question is delivered with a bite you didn’t know was going to happen and it dampens the mood instantly, you might as well have bent the candle flame out and thrown the plate on the floor.
A beat passes and you pull your hand back to your lap, Lin’s fingers are stretched out toward you, you already know the answer.
“I’ll think about it,” you pause, the hurt evident in your voice, “let’s just finish our dinner.”
Lin’s green eyes are sad as she watches you compile another bite onto your fork, and an apology hooks itself, achingly, in the middle of her throat. She is sorry that she can’t give you the love that you deserve; sorry that the love that you so openly crave is the same that she can’t bring herself to admit that she wants too.
— — — — —
As the train passes into Zaofu territory, the metal domes become larger by the second, you find yourself putting distance between you and Lin. You agreed to join her, of course you did, which also meant you agreed to act professionally when others were around. Lin’s job was very important to her, you knew that, but whatever it was that you guys had going on was not against the rules. Lin wasn’t your boss, she didn’t even work in the same department as you. Something else was bothering her and, lately, you were losing sleep over it - tossing and turning and worrying yourself of the worst.
The train slows before coming to a stop, and Lin’s already waiting for the doors to open. Her arms crossed over her chest with that cute, serious look on her face. You join her just as the doors begin to move and the two of you are instantly greeted by her sister, Suyin.
“Lin!” She smiles warmly, with open arms. The resemblance between the two is hard to miss and, yet, Suyin’s already so different. “And you must be Lin’s assistant,” she says as her attention turns to you and you can feel the way Lin tenses up next to you.
“Uh- yes,” you stumble but quickly recover with a polite nod of your head, “you can call me Y/n.”
“Welcome to Zaofu,” you thank her with a nod of your head, “would you like a tour? My husband would be happy to show you around.”
You catch Lin’s eye, “Would that be alright?” She gives you a sharp nod in response.
The question makes her feel sick to her stomach, she hates that everyone thinks that you’re her assistant and she can’t tell if she hates the fact that you’ve melded so easily into the role more. She watches as you join Baatar who is quick to start talking animatedly about his city.
“So, what have you been up to?” Suyin asks, coming into Lin’s view and blocking you out.
An hour after dinner is the next time the two of you are next alone. After showering and changing into your sleepwear, you find yourself knocking on Lin’s door. As soon as it swings open, you can’t help the dopey smile that instantly pulls at your lips; Lin stands in front of you dressed in her white tank, the one that shows off the muscles that she hides under her uniform. She’s not surprised to see you, she knew that you’d be at her door sooner than later.
“Good evening,” you smirk, making your way into her room and tugging her towards her bed whilst she pushes the door closed.
“Good evening to you too,” she smiles as you pull her onto the bed, sitting her down in front of you with a sweet kiss to her lips.
You hug her from behind, jaw resting on her shoulder so that you could see her face.
“Dinner was amazing,” you begin, “it was like nothing I’d ever tasted before.”
“If you’re lucky, I might be able to get the recipe for you.” You hum happily in response and she can feel the vibration of it against her skin.
“What’s on your mind?” You ask, and it shocks her because she didn’t notice that her face had fallen and she realises that something has in fact been bugging her.
She lets out a defeated sigh, her body slumping with it and your fingers are carding through the back of her hair in a soothing manner, “I never said that you were my assistant, Suyin just assumed, I should’ve said something,” she mumbles in regret.
You smile empathetically at the way she’s tearing herself up at it, “It’s okay, Lin, I don’t mind, really, plus it makes more sense as to why I’m with you. Don't worry, everything’s going to be just fine.”
Your hand smooths down the back of her neck, igniting a gentle warmth which spreads through her tense muscles, and her eyes flutter close in response. You press a gentle kiss to her jaw.
The door suddenly swings open.
Lin jumps to her feet instantly, and you’re taking your hands off of her as fast as you can.
Suyin stands in the doorway.
A beat of still silence passes, your heart beating quickly in your chest.
“Y/n, you’re excused.” You hear Lin order and you look up at her before moving, her anger is almost tangible. You leave the bed as swiftly as you can and then out through the door, giving Suyin a polite smile as she swaps places with you. The slamming of the metal door causes you to jump at the loud noise.
“Do you ever knock?” You hear Lin’s muffled shout from behind the walls, and you find yourself gritting your teeth - it was only the first night and your plan had already gone to shit. Shit.
— — — — —
The next few days were quiet, though they consisted of following Lin around, you hadn’t actually spent any time with her. You didn’t knock on her door the following nights after Suyin had walked in because, like an oyster, Lin had closed up, and she didn’t need to tell you either. From the way she had acted the morning after, keeping words short and professional and barely glancing your way, you knew not to come searching for her.
You mentally kicked yourself, you knew it was going to end up like this. You never should have come. You should have gone with your gut in the first place and stayed home, but you had a feeling that it was going to be different this time. Of course you and Lin had your hardships, like any relationship did, but you shouldn’t have to feel like this - alone by your girlfriend’s side. Because that’s what she was to you, you just hoped that she thought of you as the same.
The time apart, and the reason for it, was taking its toll on Lin too. It was eating her alive. She eyed Suyin from the corner of her eye; she hadn’t mentioned it, no indication to whether she had even seen it or not, but there was no way she could have missed it. You were quite literally wrapped around her. What did she think of her? Did she think badly? Like she was some kind of corruptor? Fuck, she couldn’t take it anymore.
“The other night-” Lin suddenly began causing her sister to turn to her. “I-” she sighed, “I want to ask what you thought.” She searched her eyes.
“Of you and Y/n?” Lin nodded her head. “You’re together?” Lin nodded her head again. Suyin shrugged her shoulders.
“Honestly,” Lin urged, pleadingly.
“She’s your assistant-”
“-She isn’t.”
“She’s not?”
Lin shook her head, “She doesn’t even work in the same department.”
“Then, what?”
“You don’t think it’s weird?” Lin mumbles and her sister looks at her blankly. “That she’s younger?”
“Do you?”
The question makes her pause for a moment.
Suyin starts again, a hand on her hip, “You’re both adults, it’s not as if she’s only just turned twenty, she’s been an adult for a while, you’re overthinking, Lin, always chasing your own tail, just let yourself breathe, stop for a minute and think about what you want and not what others will think cause honestly no one’s going to bat an eye.” She gives Lin a tight-lipped smile, a knowing look in her eyes, and gives her a light pat on the shoulder, “I’ll see you at dinner,” she says before leaving Lin alone.
A few hours later, at the dinner table, you, wordlessly, take your place next to Lin. What you don’t expect is for Lin to lean over, so close that her breath tickles the shell of your ear. You eye everyone else at the table, conscious about how close she is.
“We should talk later,” she whispers, and anxiety instantly causes your heart to stutter and for your stomach to drop.
But then, even more surprisingly, you feel her take your hand from underneath the table - her fingers curling against your own - before placing it on top. For all to see. You turn your head then, a questioning look on your face and your eyebrows furrowed, and she’s looking back with a content look on her face before giving you a small smile and mouthing the word ‘later’.
God, you should be mad, so mad, but the spreading warmth in your chest is hard to miss. She really needed to work on her communication, but how could you stay mad? Especially when she was trying. You nod your head and return the smile. You were right, this time was different, and for the rest of the dinner Lin’s hand could be found resting on your knee or behind the small of your back.