Chapter Text
Chapter 1 - Love is a Wonderful Feeling.
Butters loved Kenny.
He loved him wholeheartedly.
He was the only person who actually cared and looked out for Butters. Always.
Ever since they met in elementary school Leopold saw him as his light. He did not care how dirty he was, how reckless with himself, how vulgar he was.
He was his savior from the gloom.
The gloom called South Park.
South Park was big, uncontrollable, and seemed like the darkest place on Earth. The more they grew, the darker the sky got. Summer once was a time to go out till the late sunset, having fun on the playgrounds, playing games all together. Now there was none of it. Winter was always harsh, but Butters remembers having at least some colours in the Christmas decoration lights. Now, there was none of it. It was dark all around the year. It was almost black and white for 365 days a year.
Desperate.
Depressing.
Misery.
Agony.
Pain.
This is what South Park was now, want it or not.
Wanted Butters that or not.
He was a naive kid, his angelic looks brought him a bunch of trouble in this shithole of a city. His baby-blue eyes were sparkly, he was adventurous, he wanted to provide the sunshine. He was a bit of a crybaby, he loved cats and dogs, and even rats no matter how scared he was of them. He loved the sun, he loved snow, he loved yellow leaves, he loved freshly blooming flowers. He loved beaches, he loved swamps, he loved forests. His heart was simply too big for his body. He was made for love.
“He wasn’t made for this city”, someone would say.
And they would be oh so wrong.
South Park wasn’t just a city. South Park was like a dread that climbed into your soul. A state.
Everyone had a little bit of South Park in them, no matter what facade they built up. No matter how shiny your eyes are, no matter how big your heart was.
“This city got into you, Leo,” - Kenny said with a little chuckle.
And Butters’ eyes opened.
He was 12 and his best friend, Kenny, was finishing his second cigarette. He shouldn’t be here this late at night. He shouldn’t hangout with Kenny. He shouldn’t come home smelling like cigarettes. Because it was all punishable. Everything was punishable, he learned. He was a menace, the worst child in this world, a demon. He did not deserve love. He only deserved the slap on his cheek, being locked down in a pitch black room. He didn’t deserve human treatment.
This is what he learned.
“Is it bad?” - he whispered, hugging his legs on the cold staircase. He felt defeated. Empty. It was so cold inside he didn’t notice the negative temperature of the outside world.
“No, Leo, it’s not,” - Kenny answered simply, looking up at the pitch black sky and exhaling the smoke. “Being yourself can never make you bad. I could never judge you for that.”
And it meant the world to Butters.
Every single smile, every single sneak out meeting at night, every skipped class. Everything.
Kenny made Butters’ world better. He provided the shine of a single star in the night sky. He protected him always. He stood up for him physically, he would get hit for him, he would argue with his father by himself and get thrown around. He was hugging him when he felt like the worst thing in the world, he would help him sneak out to the light from his room, he would provide warmth.
Kenny was his savior.
And Butters was nothing.
He couldn’t save Kenny. He couldn’t protect him from his parents. He couldn’t take a fight for him, because Kenny was a natural hero. He was made to be a hero.
And Butters was his biggest fan. No matter how deeply in guilt and doom he was because he wasn’t able to protect.
He was no hero.
No matter how hard he tried.
No matter how hard he screamed.
No matter how hard he ran.
Loud bang took it all.
Took his light.
Took Kenny away in front of him.
Butters jumped on his bed, breathing heavy. His heart was exploding. He was a crying mess.
The bang, the dread, the grief. It was all too real for a dream. As much as Butters dreamed of Kenny, he never died this loudly in his dream. Leopold saw blood in front of his eyes. His room began to shake in front of him and he fell onto the floor, squeezing the shirt where his heart was.
He couldn’t breathe, all his exhales were loud sobs.
His brain melted, the freeze reaction locking him up in one position.
South Park can take Kenny away from him at any point.
This city wasn’t in favour of anyone.
This city was a definition of loss.
Of grief.
Of death.
Butters cannot let this happen, not to Kenny.
He had to save Kenny.
No matter what.
He had a plan. He looked at himself in the mirror in his dark room.
His eyes were dark. His expression was unreadable, but it was everything but happy. He felt empty once again.
Is this how South Park looks?
“Kenny, if I ever did something wrong…” - he said in a soft voice, rolling his limbs together, making himself small, “would you be mad at me?”
Kenny exhales the smoke, his eyes go up to the sky again. “No, buttercup,” - he says with his usual flat voice. “You could never do anything wrong. I will always be here for you no matter what.”
No matter what.
Always here for you.
Forever.
Butters takes the drag as well, feeling his throat and lungs inflaming. He wants to cough so bad.
But Kenny looks at him, his eyes full of worry.
But cough never comes out. Leo passes the stolen cigarette back.
Kenny only laughs, rubbing his face with his free hand, “Maybe I am a bad influence, after all.”
“Don’t ever say that.” Butters blurs out, taking it too seriously, up to his big heart.
Little does Kenny know how Butters was still alive because he was there.
Always.
And Forever.
“Do you want to skip chemistry together tomorrow?” - Kenny asks after a short while of only wind talking.
“Yes,” - Butters says without a single thought. He will go anywhere with Kenny.
“Buttercup,” - Kenny laughs a bit, putting out the cigarette with his shoe. Leopold is observing every single second of it. “Tomorrow is Saturday.”
School was not important to him any more.
His parents and their ridiculous punishments that once destroyed him meant nothing to him.
The crimes happening in their neighbourhood did not matter.
Nothing mattered.
It only enraged him.
Deep down, the soup full of black goop was brewing inside of him.
It was noticeable in his eyes, in the mirror.
They were deep and dark like the ocean.
Ocean of forlornness.
With a thunderstorm called rage.
This city was a gloom.
A hell on earth.
It took everything away from every single person who would breathe in the foggy, shitty smelling air.
Butters didn’t want it to happen.
He didn’t want his light away from him.
The only thing that pumps his heart and feels warm.
Always
And
Forever