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Kuroo had been acting strange since his birthday yesterday, Kenma noticed. He had kept his distance more than usual, not speaking to Kenma on their morning walk to school, seemingly settling on what Kenma dubbed ‘longing stares from afar’. He usually saved those for pretty girls that were out of his league. It was slightly jarring to Kenma.
“I hope my soulmate is a cute girl.” He had hummed to Kenma on his birthday, as they were walking home together from school. Kuroo always waited for Kenma outside of his school, even though he was let out a half-hour before the blonde-ish setter. Kenma had simply nodded in agreement, though he didn’t really get the concept. Well, he did, kind of. He was asexual, definitely, but he wasn’t quite sure how he felt romantically towards people. He, in his opinion, thought that if he got a significant other, he would figure it out then. If he didn’t, he didn’t, and if he did, he did. It wasn’t too complicated for him.
“Kenma, pay attention to me! It’s not every day your best friend will be getting their soulmate.” Kuroo whined. Though no one knows how or why, at midnight on a person’s 16th birthday, they get writing on their wrist, almost like a tattoo. This writing, whatever it says, has something to do with your soulmate. It’s usually something like the first thing they say to you after it appears, or an inside joke you two will have, maybe a phrase they say a lot. Simply a push in the right direction, fate’s little nudge-nudge wink-wink about what future you have in store.
Kuroo would have draped himself over Kenma, as well, but Kuroo was Kuroo, and he knew what kind of a day it was today. On rare days, Kenma will tug a few times at Kuroo’s sleeve, and the black-haired boy would know he wants affection that day. Most days, some physical contact is fine, but not excessively. Today, however, was a ‘please-no-touching’ day. Kenma was glad Kuroo respected that, so much so that it was an unspoken language. In the morning, like clockwork, he would give Kenma a once over, and nod, deciphering what day it would be. Kenma appreciates that more than he would ever like Kuroo to know.
“Here.” Kenma said quietly, huffing as he handed Kuroo his birthday gift. He knows that it isn’t much, but it reminded him of his friend immediately as soon as he saw it in a little corner store near his house. It was a black cat plushie, with a grin on it’s face reminiscent of the person he gave it to. Kuroo took it in a daze, but then his face broke out into a giant smile, and he squeezed it close to his chest. He went to hug Kenma, but then he remembered what kind of a day it was - he settled on beaming at his best friend.
“Thanks, kitten, I love it.” He said happily. Kenma sighed, and for reasons he did not know, tugged on Kuroo’s sleeve a few times, signaling that it was okay to give small amounts of physical contact. Kuroo looked down in surprise.
“You sure?” He asked hesitantly, and Kenma nodded in consent. The older boy’s face lit up in a grin and he wrapped his arms around his friend. Warmth enveloped the younger boy, and he sighed contently. Today was okay for an exception.
Then again, Kuroo was always an exception.
After they got to Kenma’s house, Kenma’s mother had wished Kuroo a happy birthday, and the black haired boy had left after that. He texted Kenma a picture of his birthday cake, and Kenma had replied shortly. He also said he was going to stay up until midnight so he could see his tattoo be inked on his skin. After replying with a rare ‘good luck’, Kenma had gone to bed.
Or, at least, he was trying.
There was something that irked him about Kuroo’s getting a soulmate. He didn’t enjoy the idea of him finding some girl and sweeping her off her feet, leaving Kenma behind in the wake of their happiness. It made him nauseous just thinking about it. It confused him - he wanted Kuroo to be happy, that wasn’t the issue.
He didn’t want to lose him. He would desperately miss that stupid grin, the cheeky remarks, the silent communication that took years to perfect. He would miss the obnoxious cat puns, the stern leadership, and how much they understood each other without saying a word. Anxiety loomed over him, and he began to shake. He couldn’t lose Kuroo, he couldn’t lose his best friend, he couldn’t lose him. He loved him too much.
He loved him.
Kenma blinked in surprise at his thoughts as he curled up into a tighter ball in his blankets. He loved Kuroo? Was this what love felt like? He wrinkled his nose. He didn’t like love if it hurt this much. Robotically, Kenma got out of bed and took a sleeping pill, as these thoughts would keep him from what little rest he already got. At 11:59 am, he wondered one thing before he drifted off into sleep - ‘Does Kuroo love me too?’
He had woken up the next morning with a headache and a bedhead, though the latter was a natural occurrence. He was still processing how he loved Kuroo, so he simply went about his routine in a trance. Brush his hair, put on his uniform, put all of his schoolwork in his bag, eat a small breakfast, and play his PSP until Kuroo gets here.
He had decided to not tell Kuroo about his revelation. Well, he wouldn’t have anyway, even if he hadn’t gotten his tattoo yet. But, now his best friend has a chance at love, with some person that Kenma will be infinitely jealous of and grateful for. Because, no matter what Kenma’s feelings were, he wanted Kuroo to be happy. That’s what’s the most important.
When he saw that bedhead walk up to his house, Kenma had expected him to be bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement, glancing over Kenma quickly to know that today was also a rare physical contact day (and Kenma would confirm this with a quick tug on his sleeve), and he would gush over some pretty tattoo that was written on his wrist last night, rolling up the sleeves of his uniform to reveal it. Most likely, his tattoo was something cute or funny. Kenma hoped he would be happy.
However, his friend looked uncharacteristically tense, nervous, almost. His eyes scanned Kenma, confirming it was, in fact, a physical contact day, and a small, tight smile rose on his face. It looked forced, fake. Kenma hated it. He thought Kuroo would tell him eventually, though. He couldn’t keep whatever it was quiet for long. But, Kenma’s patience was growing thin as they walked in silence, Kuroo simply staring at him as they walked. It wasn’t obvious (to others, at least), just some long side glances that Kenma was pretending not to notice, but for him it was huge. This never happened. Kuroo always chatted up a storm on their morning walks, despite Kenma’s lack of reciprocating. He occasionally glanced at Kenma, to make sure that he was listening (Kenma always was, even if he didn’t look like it), but not for this long. Kuroo knew it made him slightly uncomfortable. There was something wrong, and Kenma was getting fed up with it.
“What, Kuro?” He asked quietly, his tone exasperated and worried as he looked up from his PSP at his friend. As soon as those words left his mouth, though, all symptoms of oddness vanished, and a genuine smile made its way onto Kuroo’s face. Worry came back, though, as Kenma spotted a tear rolling down Kuroo’s cheek. Kenma’s eyes found his friend’s confusion and concern filling the younger’s gaze. As a response, Kuroo simply held out his wrist and rolled up his sleeve, revealing his soulmate tattoo, the one he had gotten last night, and all concern vanished from Kenma’s mind. In fact, everything vanished from his mind as he tried to understand what was happening. He heard his own sharp intake of breath. He read the words on his best friend’s wrist, the words he had just said to him - ‘What, Kuro?’ in a red-gold font. But everything felt strange, like he was underwater.
He couldn’t breathe.
Kuroo was at his side in seconds, because he knew what was happening. Kenma had his first panic attack at Kuroo’s house. He forgot what caused it, but Kuroo had mimicked what his father had done to his mother, who also suffered from panic attacks. Kuroo had sat down, pulled Kenma into his lap, and rubbed circles onto his back, whispering comforting words. He always avoided whatever may have been the trigger, opting for telling Kenma about his day, distracting him. His chest, rising and falling in rhythm, synced with Kenma’s chest, and those times were always the times when he needed Kuroo the most, no matter what day it was. He needed to feel his friend, be close to him, to know that he was there.
Today was no different. Kuroo had stopped them on the sidewalk, sat down on the pavement, and pulled Kenma into his lap, his chest against Kenma’s back and his hands wrapped around his waist. They stayed like this until the blond’s breathing evened out, the warmth of Kuroo’s body making him feel safe and protected.
“Whenever you’re ready, kitten.” Kuroo murmured into his ear, and Kenma was infinitely grateful once again. Kuroo’s words had a double meaning. Whenever Kenma was ready to get up, to go to school and face the rest of the day. Whenever Kenma was ready to talk about the fact that they were soulmates, when he was more comfortable with it. His head bobbed once in acknowledgement, since he didn’t trust his voice, but his grip on Kuroo’s arms tightened. ‘I don’t want to let go’, he silently signaled to Kuroo.
“Want me to call our moms?” He asked. Kenma’s mom would understand and let Kenma stay home, and no doubt Kuroo’s mom would do the same if it meant Kenma would stabilize.
Kenma’s comfort object was a little unusual. A comfort item was typically some sort of object that a person uses to reduce stress and anxiety. Some people have stress balls. Some people have silly putty. Kenma had Kuroo as his object, and Kuroo took pride in that. Not that he liked to see his best friend in that state, but he liked that he could help Kenma out of his attacks, and that he could be there for him like no one else could. A small nod once again from the smaller boy confirmed that contacting their parents would be best. Without moving too much, Kuroo texted both of their moms, and Kenma’s mom said that she would pick them up, no questions asked. Kuroo’s mom alerted the schools of their absences. Satisfied, Kuroo put his phone away and his arms were once again around the blond.
“I don’t understand.” Kenma said quietly in Kuroo’s arms, and Kuroo shushed him quietly, but not in a mean, teasing way. It was in a fond manner.
“We can talk about it when we get home and you’re in pjs.” Kuroo said softly, knowing that Kenma probably wasn’t fully ready to face it yet. He might not be for a while, but that was okay.
Kuroo would wait.
When Kenma came to, he was in his bed, a familiar black cat plushie in his arms. He had heard the door nudge open silently, and a pair of light footsteps walk in that he knew all too well.
“Kuro.” He stated softly, and the footsteps, which were about to leave the room, paused, turning back around and kneeling at the bedside. Kenma peaked out from under his covers and saw his best friend, concern swimming in his eyes.
“You got some good rest, kitten.” Kuroo said quietly, his words careful but kind. Thoughts danced on the tip of Kenma’s tongue, but nothing came out. Every bone in his body was screaming at him, to not ruin everything, but he knew Kuroo deserved an answer.
“Kuro, I-”
“Don’t, Kenma.” He said sternly, cutting him off. Kenma was a little ashamed that he was grateful for words to not leave his mouth. “I know you care about me, at least in some way. That’s all I need, I promise.” He said, smiling, but Kenma knew better. His eyes were sad.
He was just as scared as Kenma was.
“It’s not green.” Kenma said quietly, bringing up his wrist from below the covers. Green tattoos meant platonic soulmates, and it was possible for two soulmates to have one green tattoo and one of a different color. He knew that was probably what Kuroo was worried about, among other things. He had felt his tattoo earlier, but he hadn’t looked at it properly yet. A small smile made its way onto Kenma’s face as he looked at it - ‘Whenever you’re ready, kitten,’ was inked on him in a bright red. It didn’t match Kenma’s personality, sure, but it matched Kuroo’s perfectly. Kuroo seemed to be speechless, simply staring at the words on Kenma’s pale skin.
“You know where I stand on terms of… sexuality,” Kenma managed to get out. “But I wasn’t sure about romantically, until now.” Unspoken words flowed from Kenma to Kuroo, words that they both needed to hear. Kenma took a shaky breath and forced himself to look directly into Kuroo’s eyes.
“I love you.” He said simply, softly, as he looked into Kuroo’s eyes. He was beaming internally when he saw all concern in his soulmate’s eyes melt away and a smile replace it instead. Kenma pulled off half of the covers and held out his hands. Kuroo got the message immediately and climbed into the bed, wrapping his arms around Kenma as they embraced, getting tangled in each other in the best way possible.
“I love you, too.” Kuroo whispered into Kenma’s ear, and they could both hear the grin on his face. That was all they needed.
Epilogue
It was a stressful day at work for Kuroo. There was altogether too much paperwork for one man to handle sitting prettily on his desk that morning, and he had finally finished about an hour ago, as he stepped into his apartment later than usual. He had texted Kenma that he would be working late tonight, and he always felt bad when he did so. As soon as Kenma finished high school, he moved into Kuroo’s apartment. His college was near there, as was Kuroo’s new workplace. It was perfect. But, they were both busy. Sometimes, they didn’t have meals together, since the other was sleeping or cramming. He sighed as he took off his shoes, guilt washing over him as he walked into the kitchen. He mapped out the rest of his evening as eating a quick dinner and playing with Kenma’s hair for a bit until he fell asleep, but that plan quickly went out the window when he saw the kitchen.
Kenma, in all his tiny glory, was sitting at the table, tears in his eyes as he stared at the piece of paper in his hands. Kuroo was at his side in a flash.
“What’s wrong, kitten?” He asked worriedly, and Kenma shook his head with a small, rare smile as the tears flowed down his cheeks silently.
“It’s being published.” Kenma said, his voice shaky and in awe. Kuroo’s eyes lit up as he wiped away the happy tears from his soulmate’s face. It had finally happened.
Kenma had found his passion for writing in his last two years of high school, and it quickly became a passion of his. Whenever he wasn’t in school, at volleyball club, or with Kuroo, he was writing. And he was amazing at it, too - Kuroo had badgered him into letting him read some of what he’s wrote. For the last year and a half, Kenma had poured his very soul (pun intended) into his newest book - Colors of My Soul. It was fantasy/adventure about a world where people were born with different colors dictated by a high ruler. That color determined a person’s class, job, and basically, one’s future. The protagonist, however, was born with no color. She was exiled, but was determined to prove that she had color within her, and that a person’s value should not be dictated by their color. It was a masterpiece, as far as Kuroo was concerned, and had pushed for him to get it published. After all this rejection, all this effort and time, it was going to be published.
“Kenma, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you, kitten.” Kuroo had said as they embraced in their tiny college apartment, struggling to pay bills each month. But, they were happy.
Soon after the book was released, it got popular fast. The book had become a bestseller in a matter of months, and Kenma had never felt so overwhelmed. People wanted him to do book signings, go to events, and he didn’t know what to do. Kuroo, however, was his guardian angel.
“We can do some events,” Kuroo had said to Kenma’s publisher, who was hanging on his every word. “But I want to be there, and if Kenma feels overwhelmed or uncomfortable, he has the right to fall back and take a breather, see how he feels. He’s not used to a lot of social interaction.” They had also started a YouTube account to explain all of this, and opted for live Q and A sessions weekly instead of meet-and-greets. The fans were extremely understanding, they found, and were satisfied with that and a few book signings here and there. Kenma adored them all.
“Do you have a soulmate?” Kenma read one day as he was streaming another live Q and A. He winced slightly, knowing that he and Kuroo hadn’t make their relationship public in the slightest - in fact, they didn’t know Kuroo existed, period. He didn’t have a problem with telling them, it’s just that he hadn’t talked to Kuroo about it yet.
“I do, but I haven’t talked to them about telling you guys. I want to make sure it’s okay with them before I do anything.” Kenma said cautiously, watching the live comments box go wild in a matter of seconds.
>>GreenColoredSoul
AWWWWWW OK BB ASK THEM SOON PLS PLS PLS
>>HiyokoxMiramiismyotp
I BET THEY’RE HOT AF
>>ColorsofmyBlog
As long as you both are happy!
Responses like these flooded the chat, and Kenma smiled shyly when he heard his phone vibrate, the familiar little tune tinkling out of it signalling that it was a text from Kuroo. Of course, he always watched the live shows.
Tetsu <3: I’m literally in the other room I can come in if that’s alright
Me: if you’re ok with it
Tetsu <3: I want to meet your fans <333333
“They said they want to meet you guys, they’re coming in.” Kenma said with a small smile as he read his phone. The door opened and Kuroo entered, looking effortlessly handsome as he walked in. He was off-camera, so no one could see him yet, but Kenma smiled encouragingly and gave a little nod, a final bit of silent communication. With that, his soulmate pulled up a chair and sat down, grinning boyishly at the camera as he waved.
“Hey, guys, nice to meet you all! If you ever want funny stories about Kenma, hit me up.” He said with a wink, and the chat exploded.
“‘HE’S HOT, GO KENMA!’ I like them, Kenma. They think I’m hot.” Kuroo read with a shit-eating grin. Kenma then regretted all of his life decisions.
“Now, I, for one, am tired, and it’s time for our regularly scheduled nap, so we’ll make a Q and A video for the channel regarding us on the channel sometime soon. I promise, you haven’t seen the last of me!” Kuroo said charismatically after answering a few quick questions, as he could see Kenma was getting a little uncomfortable. With some quick sign-offs, they ended the stream.
“Sorry, was that too quick?” Kuroo asked, holding Kenma’s hand. Kenma shook his head and smiled as he looked around them. They had moved into a new apartment, thanks to the money he got from his bestseller. They could pay the bills without worry. Kuroo’s eyes had crinkles from smiling constantly instead of from his eyebrows creasing in worry. Kenma was smiling more often, happy days far outnumbering the bad ones. He thought back to the days where they could barely pay the bills, just two poor college students against the world. Kenma smiled softly, thinking about how far they’ve come.
“No, this is perfect.” Kenma sighed as he squeezed Kuroo’s hand, a smile on their faces. This was perfect. They were perfect.