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Language:
English
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Published:
2025-11-05
Words:
858
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
10
Kudos:
67
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A Most Vexing Triangle

Summary:

Abaddon accidentally meets Bill Cipher after Esther’s summoning circle goes a little sideways. The universe, predictably, regrets it. Bill wants chaos. But what does Abaddon want?

Notes:

has someone else already done this? man idk.
buttt i just had to get this outta my head, kind of how most of my fanfics appear.
yes, i will work on the other 3 haunted hotel fics i have loll

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The sigils shouldn’t have turned blue.

Esther knew that. Blue meant something had gone wrong... blue meant someone on the other end of the summoning circle had picked up the call.

The candles guttered. The floorboards groaned. Abaddon leaned against the wall, arms crossed, unimpressed as ever.

“If this be another of your accidents-”

“-It’s fine,” Esther interrupted, flipping through the grimoire. “I followed the directions exactly. Salt, sigils, sulfur, goat hair, weird Latin bit-”

“Hircine hair? Truly?

Before she could retort, the air tore open.

A jagged crack of neon light split the circle, and out popped something that looked like the unholy offspring of a traffic sign and a top hat.

“HAHA! REALITY! SMELLS LIKE REGRET AND DEATH! I LOVE IT HERE!”

Abaddon's eyes narrowed.

"...What in the nine realms is that."

Esther shrugged. "Thought you were the professional here."

The triangle twirled in place, his bowtie spinning like a sawblade.

“Name’s Bill Cipher, dream demon, deal-maker, chaos incarnate, yadda yadda yadda- who’s the little Renaissance fair reject?”

Abaddon straightened, shadows crawling at his feet.

“I am Abaddon, High Prince of the Black Realm, Gatekeeper of Inferno’s fifth threshold-

“-Blah blah blah, yeah yeah, spooky titles, love the drama! You got a LinkedIn?”

"Thou art testing mine patience, paper sprite.”

“PAPER SPRITE?!” Bill gasped, clutching himself dramatically. “I’ll have you know I’ve ended civilizations, buddy! You think you’re scary just because you’ve got that ‘possessed orphan’ aesthetic going for you?”

Abaddon scoffed.

"Watch it, triangle. I have blended creatures mightier than you."

"Say what now? Blended?"

Esther sighed from the corner. “He’s serious. Don’t ask.”

Bill floated closer, his energy buzzing like an angry wasp nest.

“Tell you what, Beelzebaby... let’s make a deal. You help me corrupt this realm, I’ll throw in a free mortal soul and a lifetime supply of nightmares. Sound fun?”

Abaddon tilted his head, almost considering. Esther caught his gaze and shot him a look. Then-

"Hmm. Tempting."

(pause)

"But I already own a hotel. Has ghosts. Free continental breakfast."

Esther smirked..

Bill rolled his one eye.

"Hey now, I can sense the untapped potential, kiddo! You're a demon, arentcha?"

Bill extended a little gloved hand, which promptly phased through Abaddon’s chest and came out holding an old key.

“Hey, neat heart-lock! You keeping something spicy in there?”

Abaddon tilted his head. .

“You are a triangle that steals, and yet you mock me.”

“Oh, we’re gonna get along just fine.”

The yellow glow reflected in Abaddon’s pale eyes. Bill zipped around him like a fly.

“Listen, gloomy, lemme make you an offer. You and me? Team up. Think about it! A chaos entity with centuries of power and an immortal brat with a killer fashion sense. We could unmake this dull little mud-ball of a reality. Turn the oceans into root beer, the sky into static. Rule everything.”

Abaddon blinked slowly.

“You talk much, little omen.”

“That’s a compliment, right?”

“No. You are a drawing that never learned shame.”

Bill snorted.

“You’re adorable when you try to insult me. Come on, don’t you ever get bored? Stuck in this rundown haunted hotel, babysitting witches and hormonal mortals? Don’t you want to stretch your claws a little?”

“This house is my dominion. It creaks for me. It hides for me. I have no wish for other realms.”

“Buddy, you’re thinking too small! I could give you the multiverse! Infinite planes, infinite blenders-”

Abaddon’s eyes finally flickered with interest.

“Infinite… blenders, you say.”

Bill perked up, sensing weakness.

“Oh-ho! Now we’re talking. Industrial-grade! They can shred matter, sound, souls... whatever you want, kid!”

Abaddon smirks, but then-

“I have been suggested power before. It was... overrated.”

Bill’s eye narrowed.

“You’re turning down power?”

“I am turning down you.”

Esther snorted before she could stop herself.

Bill threw up his little hands.

“You’re impossible! Both of you! Do you have any idea how many cults I’ve crushed to get this far?!”

Abaddon blinked, unamused.

“I am familiar with crushed cults. Usually under my heel.”

Esther clapped her hands once.

“Okay! Meeting over. Triangular thing, back through the hole you came from before you melt the wallpaper again.”

Bill turned to her, exasperated.

“You’re no fun, you know that? Fine! You two enjoy your haunted IKEA. When you get bored of playing house, you know where to find me.”

The floor suddenly opens into a glowing portal of pure nonsense, screaming faces and melting clocks spinning inside.

"You’re gonna regret this, kid! I know the devil personally!”

“So do I.”

Bill spun once, gave an exaggerated bow, and vanished in a burst of static that smelled faintly of burnt sugar.

The portal snapped shut like a jaw. The room was quiet again, save for Esther frantically fanning her smoking book.

Abaddon brushed a speck of ash off his coat sleeve.

He then promptly turned to Esther.

"Why didn't you intervene?"

Esther smirked.

"Maybe I know you well enough to know you'd decline."

"Hm..."

Abaddon stared at the space where Bill had been. His eyes glowed faintly in thought.

“He had charm,” he said finally.

"I mean, I guess. Sure is possible he'd come in handy."

Notes:

might flesh out if i have the time and ambition, and if people like it i guess