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Lily, Lily, Lily, the name that goes through Haewon’s head at least 10 times a day. Consuming her mind and body, she can’t get rid of these thoughts. She gets reminded of Lily wherever she is. One turn, she sees something and immediately thinks, “Lily would love this” or “this looks like Lily”. Worst problem of all, she has a hard time telling others about how she feels. She can’t just tell Jinsol or Yoona, it sounds easy but it’s not.
It was especially bad today. Whilst they were practicing a new song, Haewon’s gaze kept going back to Lily. She was wearing baggy joggers and a really tight tank top that kept lifting up. And Lily was so sweaty, her shirt clung tightly to her stomach, outlining the details.
“Haewon, were you listening to me?” Jiwoo called out, making Haewon snap her neck to her direction. Trying to act normal.
“Sorry Jiwoo, I zoned out for a bit. What were you saying” she assured her,
Jiwoo gave her a weird look, “sure.. You sure were zoning out and not just staring at Lily... But back to what I was saying..”.
Yeah Jiwoo clocked her.
-
Months passed, and Haewon’s head was still occupied with Lily. She tried to see other people, maybe that way she would forget about her long longing for her best friend. But they were all the same, and most importantly they weren’t Lily. Their complaints were that Haewon was too needy. And she was so confused by that.
Isn't it normal to be needy? Or was Lily way too kind?
Whenever Haewon asked Lily for a favor, Lily never declined. She just smiled and nodded, not a hint of hesitation evident on her face.
But.. What if Lily also disliked that? And she just never told her? Suddenly, Haewon felt like a huge burden. That’s why it was easier for her to hide how she felt, she didn’t want to let down anyone. Not her friends, the members, not even her own Mother. She didn’t want to ruin her calm and collected reputation.
-
Haewon woke up in the middle of the night, all because the damn mosquitos wouldn’t leave her alone. Plus why do they keep coming for her? Her blood wasn’t that sweet and she drank bitter ass coffee.
Looking across the room, Haewon sighed seeing Kyujin sleeping under a mosquito net. She really was always prepared for everything.
Getting out of bed and walking to the hallway, dim light was coming out of the living room. Who could be awake at this hour? Walking in, she is greeted by a sleepy Lily watching the TV.
“Lily? Why are you not asleep?” she asks startling Lily.
“Oh it’s you Haewonnie”, Lily moves over to give space for Haewon to sit.
“Are you having problems with falling asleep?” Haewon says, watching Lily under the warm glow. Trailing Lily’s features as though she will forget them the next day.
“I guess you could say that..” Lily laughs, though there wasn’t any amusement in her voice. Then she scoots closer to Haewon, “but Haewon are you also facing the same problem?”
“Uhm, I guess you could say that. Maybe it’s the coffee” Haewon lies. It’s obviously not the caffeine.
Lily looks into her eyes, trying to read her and she frowns.
“Haewon, I know you well enough to know you’re lying. Why would you lie?” Lily calls her out and interlaces their fingers together. “You know you can tell me everything right? That’s what I’m here for, we’re friends and I deeply care for you” she reassures.
Haewon gulps, trying not to crumble under Lily’s gaze that’s picking her apart. As though she can read her mind. Haewon tries to back away, the closeness making her nervous. But Lily just leans closer, her eyes pleading.
“My mind is a mess, and that’s why I can’t sleep. And sorry for lying to you Lily” Haewon finally replies, fidgeting with her fingers.
Lily, sensing Haewon’s anxiousness, gets up and gets on her knees in front of Haewon. Confusing her Haewon, Lily just got on her knees for me.
“I forgive you, but I would like to know what’s going on in that pretty head of yours” Lily says trying to convince Haewon to open up. It’s these rare vulnerable moments that Lily tries to not mess up. One wrong sentence uttered and Haewon will close herself up.
Haewon laughs at the compliment, trying to cover up the fact that she really liked it, “Well” she starts, “there’s this one person that never leaves my mind.” She looks down at Lily, seeing if she’s actually listening.
Lily smiles and nods for Haewon to continue, Haewon blushes at the attention and looks away.
“And it’s every day that I think of them and I can’t do anything about it,” Haewon says.
“Is that why you kept meeting up with random people?” Lily asks, making Haewon nod shyly.
“But why didn’t they last? I’m sure there were some good ones” Lily continues and sits next to her, their knees touching.
Haewon didn't answer immediately, she sat still and looked down at their joined hands.
“They all told me that I’m too much and had too many needs” she whispers so quietly that Lily almost didn’t catch it.
Lily, hearing the reason, unlaced their fingers and hugged Haewon tight. Pressing Haewon’s head to her chest.
“You’re never too much Haewonnie. And it’s completely fine to be needy” Lily caresses her head softly like she would break. And she does. Haewon’s arms immediately brought Lily closer, gripping her waist, starting to cry.
“Is it too much to just want someone like her?” Haewon sniffles,
Her, Lily got a small hint, though it’s barely much.
“And it hurts me the most that I’ll never have her” she continues, gripping Lily’s shirt tighter.
Lily has got to take the chance, “and who is this person that’s so out of reach?” she asks softly, as to not scare Haewon away.
Haewon stills, and looks up at Lily. Her eyes shiny, tears still running down her cheeks. She looks so fine to Lily, even though she’s in a messy state. Instead it makes her cuter.
But that look, oh that look. Even Lily could tell. It was the look of longing, and Haewon was in love with her no doubt.
Though she’s kind of not surprised, okay she was kind of surprised. All those ways that Haewon looked at her, complimented her, always wanting her attention. It made sense now.
“Haewon do you love me?” Lily asks, cupping Haewon’s face and stroking it gently.
Haewon nods, too scared to use her voice.
Well, seeing that Haewon feels the same way. Lily wasn’t afraid to let her true feelings out, with consent of course.
“See Haewonnie, I never gave up loving you.” Lily takes a breath, “Can I?” she asks, thumb brushing against Haewon’s lower lip, making Haewon shiver. She’s sure she’s red as hell right now, and she didn’t completely process everything. But fuck it, she needs Lily bad and she needs her now.
Haewon pushed Lily against the couch and kissed her, pressing her front against Lily’s. Trying to feel every tremble of her body.The TV quickly switched off by Haewon. Lily whimpered against her lips, and this excited Haewon. She feels so hot, but she can’t stop just yet. Haewon then broke off the kiss and started to pepper kisses against Lily’s neck, earning her a cute whine.
Haewon chuckled softly against her skin, goosebumps appearing all over Lily’s body. Lily’s sure her face is the shade of crimson. Wanting to feel Haewon’s lips again, Lily tangled her fingers into Haewon’s hair and pushed her back up for another kiss.
This time it was painful, with Haewon nipping on her bottom lip. She groaned against her mouth and pulled Haewon onto her lap. Lily didn’t know Haewon had this side, but since she wants to play that way, she’ll reciprocate it. One of her hands squeezed Haewon’s waist, making Haewon let out a gasp. And then she pushed her shirt up to feel her abs. She has been holding back for decades to just feel it. Solid yet soft, just like Haewon.
Her other hand tilted Haewon’s head for more access and pushed her tongue in. Feeling the absolute need to feel every inside of her. But before Lily could go any further with her sneaky hand. The light turned on, and she pushed Haewon off in panic.
Standing near the entrance to the room was Kyujin in her soft pajamas. Rubbing her eyes in confusion.
“What were you guys doing?” she asks, taking in their appearances.
Lily’s collar was messed up, her lips red. Sitting on the floor across her was Haewon with messy hair and her shirt half way off, her face obviously red. And it was definitely not helping since they were taking way too long to catch their breaths.
“Oh we were just watching a scary movie, so we got scared when you entered” Lily tries,
“The television is off,” Kyujin points at it. Lily you dumbass.
“Don’t worry Kyujin we weren’t really doing anything,” Haewon adds, “but why are you awake?” she asks.
Kyujin’s face contorts, “right! I woke up because there was someone banging on the wall” she huffs out. “And now I know the reason as to why” she finishes, turns the lights back off and heads back into the room.
After a minute of silence and Kyujin’s snores being heard again, Lily turned to Haewon with a smile.
“Want to continue where we left off?” she asks,
Haewon lets out a laugh and runs her fingers through her hair, trying to fix it.
“Of course, anything for you.”
-
The next day, after they had finished rehearsal. Jiwoo approached Lily,
“I heard through the grapevyne that you got a thing for Haewon,” she says with a smirk.
Lily gasps, “who told you that?”.
Jiwoo shrugs nonchalantly, “just the grapevyne”, she replies and walks off.
But then she turns again and adds, “you did a great job at leading her by the way”. And with that Jiwoo ran off, not waiting for a response. Leaving Lily embarrassed, she’s gonna get Kyujin’s ass for this.