Chapter Text
The Teachers You Have Crushes On ;0
Kanae: Tengen, don’t you think the name of this gc is a little
Kanae: Um
Shinobu: Inappropriate?
Sanemi: really?
Sanemi: I was kinda thinking fuckign weird
Tengen: perhaps
Tengen: but who are we to deny the truth??
Obanai: there has to be a law against this
Obanai: like this feels perverse
Sanemi: we need to change the name
Tengen: do you even have a better name?
Obanai: dude
Obanai: anything would be better than the bullshit you decided on
Kyojuro: hey now
Kyojuro: watch your language
Giyuu: guys
Giyuu: Karl is asking whether we grilled meat or rice bowls on the first night
Sanemi: who the fuck is karl?
Shinobu: do we need to be concerned about you being too trusting of strangers?
Shinobu: again?
Giyuu: no?
Giyuu: it’s just kokushibou
Tengen: omg you’re in contact with that guy??
Obanai: you have nicknames for each other???
Sanemi: you have friends?
Kanae: Sanemi.
Sanemi: sorry
Sanemi: i take that back
Shinobu: ew
Giyuu: we just hang out occasionally
Giyuu: like every thursday
Obanai: wait
Obanai: lets go back to the fact that you are in regular contact with KOKUSHIBO?
Obanai: MUZAN’S PERSONAL SECRETARY?
Giyuu: why’s it so weird
Shinobu: because it’s you and him
Kanae: yeah, i just never would have thought you two would get along so well…
Sanemi: to the point of nicknames?
Sanemi: yeah no
Tengen: guys wait
Tengen: I kinda see it
Tengen: like aren’t they just the same person in like
Tengen: different fonts?
Kyojuro: no no i see it too
Gyomei: I’m proud of you for making friends giyuu
Gyomei: you’re bringing tears to my eyes
Obanai: ok well lets not be dramatic
Giyuu: yeah
Giyuu: we only started hanging out like 3 months ago
Giyuu: maybe
Sanemi: 3 months??
Sanemi: and you’re just now telling us you two know each other?
Sanemi: you guys already have nicknames for each other
Sanemi: and you never even hang out with any of us like that
Shinobu: careful Sanemi
Shinobu: you’re starting to sound jealous
Sanemi: first i’m not jealous
Sanemi: second go fuck yourself
Tengen: hmmm idk dude…
Tengen: sounding kinda jealousssssss
Sanemi: you especially can fuck off
Giyuu: so
Giyuu: grilled meat or rice?
Obanai: well
Tengen: obanai does not have a big enough appetite to have a valid opinion
Obanai: go fuck yourself?
Kyojuro: by that logic Mitsuri and I have the strongest votes
Mitsuri: OOH
Mitsuri: I WATN GRILELD MEAT
Kyojuro: ME TOO
Obanai: yeah grilled meat sounds great
Obanai: like that’s what i was gonna say
Sanemi: hey
Sanemi: do you ever have your own opinion
Kanae: grilled meat does sound really good right now
Sanemi: i mean grilled meat would be great but like i’m just saying you know
Tengen: oh dude get a grip
Tengen: she’s taken yknnow
Sanemi: is that true
Kanae: NO
Kanae: I mean
Kanae: almost
Kanae: i’m trying?
Shinobu: how come I don’t know about this?
Kanae: uh….
Giyuu: i’ll tell him grilled meat
–
Is Muzan actually part of the mafia?
Karl: Gary says they want grilled meat.
Akaza: dude
Akaza: who is gary?
Akaza: and why are you karl???
Douma: its the bromance of the century!
Akaza: i don’t want anything to do with this
Gyutaro: do you ever want anything to do with us?
Akaza: no
Karl: They said they want grilled meat.
Akaza: yeah
Akaza: you mentioned
Kaigaku: dude who tf is gary?
Gyutaro: idk like his situationship at kimetsu?
Karl: What is a situationship?
Gyutaro: nvm
Karl: Gary’s real name is Giyuu, and we meet every Thursday.
Akaza: why
Kaigaku: oh the really strict pe teacher
Douma: oh you know him too?
Kaigaku: i have to
Kaigaku: i’m the one sitting in on parent teacher meetings
Akaza: isn’t he the stuck up one?
Akaza: he doesn’t talk much
Karl: Do not speak ill of him. He’s just shy.
Akaza: right… i’m sure
Douma: also
Douma: if koko was in a situationship with anyone itd be muzan
Akaza: you have got to stop talking about our boss like this
Akaza: or speculating about his personal life at least
Gyutaro: yeah… like what’s up with the name of this chat??
Douma: i mean havent you seen him?
Douma: does he not just exude mafia boss energy?
Gyutaro: no wait you’re right
Akaza: for your sake i hope he never finds this chat
Akaza: if he really is a mafia boss then you’d definitely be silenced
Douma: aw youre so mean
Kaigaku: hey
Kaigaku: question
Kaigaku: what are we even doing on this retreat?
Douma: we get in touch with nature and god!
Akaza: no.
Karl: We meet with teachers from Kimetsu Academy to discuss plans for the upcoming school year. This year, we’re hoping for more collaborative events between both of our schools.
Kaigaku: right
Kaigaku: and we’re staying at a luxury hotel with an onsen because?
Douma: because muzan has cash to burn
Gyutaro: don’t question it
Gyutaro: it’s like looking the gift horse in the ass
Gyutaro: like a colonoscopy
Kaigaku: oh i dont think thats right
Akaza: please don’t ever speak again
Douma: that was egregious even by my standards
Tamayo: Right because you have standards
Douma: she only ever comes online to be mean to me :(
Akaza: makes this shitshow worth it
Akaza: it’s also cause she’s friends with your ex
Douma: hey now
Douma: we split amicably
Akaza: right cause you’re a psychopath
Douma: i’m not a psychopath
Douma: i’m just a little gay
Kaigaku: i don’t think they correlate…
—
The Teachers You Have Crushes On ;0
Tengen: kanae
Tengen: are you sure you’re going to be ok around your psychotic ex?
Kanae: he’s not a psychopath
Kanae: he’s just a little gay
Shinobu: he was definitely a psychopath
Giyuu: Karl told me that he says if he had to survive on human flesh as his only source of nutrition then he’d only eat women because they would be more nutritious than men
Sanemi: right so you did not have to tell us that
Giyuu: i thought it would add to the discussion
Obanai: that’s definitely psychotic and also not gay
Obanai: very heterosexual if anything
Kanae: yeah he was a weird guy
Shinobu: that’s putting it really really lightly
Gyomei: Should we be worried?
Kanae: not at all!
Kanae: we split up on good terms
Kanae: last time we spoke he told me he was trying to pursue someone else
Giyuu: oh good for him
Kanae: though he was trying to go after a married man…
Giyuu: oh nevermind
Shinobu: kanae
Shinobu: sweetie
Shinobu: i’ve always been concerned for your taste in men
Shinobu: should i be concerned about the man you’re trying to date now?
Kanae: oh don’t worry
Kanae: it’s not a man
Shinobu: WHAT
Sanemi: HUH
Kyojuro: it’s not sanemi???
Obanai: still could be
Obanai: he’s more dog than man
Sanemi: go fuck yourself
Mitsuri: OMG WAIT WHO IS IT??
Mitsuri: Do we know her???
Mitsuri: Ooohhh this is so excitinggggg
Kanae: …no…
Kanae: you don’t know her…
Tengen: ok why are you being super cryptic all of a sudden
Sanemi: yeah you know we of all people cannot judge you for being gay
Misturi: YEAH!
Mitsuri: We’re all at least a little fruity!
Obanai: well
Kanae: no it’s not that
Kanae: i just don’t want to reveal who she is yet… because she just got out of a rough relationship
Kanae: what if it doesn’t work out yknow?? Hahahaha….
Shinobu: you
Shinobu: you’re being really weird about this
Gyomei: I think we do know this girl
Gyomei: That’s why she won’t tell us
Kanae: Gyomei
Kanae: i love you like an older brother
Kanae: do not do this to me PLEEASE
Gyomei: You only prove my point
Giyuu: what a coincidence
Giyuu: my sister just got out of a rough relationship too
Kanae: HHAHAHAAH WHAT A FUNNY COINCIDENCE
Kanae: no not that being in a toxic relationship is funny
Kanae: just that they have similar situations is funny
Tengen: no i don’t think that’s funny either…
Shinobu: Kanae
Shinobu: you know you can tell me anything
Shinobu: who are you interested in?
Kanae: fine…
Kanae: i’ll tell you at the retreat
Tengen: damn
Kyojuro: you mean you’re telling all of us right?
Mitsuri: PLESASSEEE
Mitsuri: there hasn’t been any interesting romance here lately
Obanai: yeah sanegiyuu has hit a dry spell
Sanemi: excuse me
Giyuu: is that referring to me??
Tengen: GUY THEY AREN’T SUPPOSED TO KNOW
Obanai: uhhh
Obanai: i didn’t say anything
Mitsuri: aside from them the rest of us have no love interests or are already in relationships
Sanemi: yeah tengen never shuts the fuck up about his wives
Obanai: are
Obanai: Mitsuri umm
Obanai: are you in a relationship??
Sanemi: oh get a grip dude
Mitsuri: i’m just saying that this is great…
Mitsuri: uhhh
Shinobu: gossip?
Mitsuri: well that sounds a little…
Kyojuro: well if we’re being honest this is just gossip
Kanae: fine i’ll tell you all
Kanae: i just have to ask her if it’s ok first
Gyomei: As would be wise
Giyuu: don’t feel pressured to tell us
Giyuu: tanjiro says it took genya a while to admit he liked muichiro
Sanemi: he what
Giyuu: uhh
Giyuu: you didn’t hear that from me
Obanai: oh maybe they’re regaining their passion for each other again
Sanemi: stop being a freak