Archive of Our Own

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Eddie Diaz could put up with a lot. She’s the oldest of three sisters in a conservative Latin Catholic home. She’s been through it a time or two. However, there was one thing she could not help but detest: people touching her hair.

She understands how irrational the whole thing is; truly, she does. And it’s not as if she despises human touch. She will do anything for a hug from one one of her sisters. But the idea of a strange hand on her neck, fingers pulling at something she can’t see? It’s unbearable. She couldn’t stand even her own mother poking and prodding the back of her head, like it was something to be studied. The continuous tugging on her scalp when her mother braided her hair every day made Eddie want to pull it all out.

When she was younger, maybe around seven or eight, Eddie had found a pair of her mother’s sewing shears. Taking them to the bathroom, she did an experimental snip snip!  in the air in front of her. 

To her eight year old self, the idea of cutting her hair was freeing. It was a weight off her back. Literally, because for each snip, Eddie held the scissors as close to her scalp as possible, and watched each lock fall to the floor. She was determined to make it as short as possible. 

When she was done, Eddie admired her handiwork in the mirror. It was sort of wonky in some places, but she loved it– less area for someone to touch and grab on to. 

Unfortunately, as soon as she stepped out of her bathroom, her plan failed spectacularly. At first, her mother’s screaming and honest-to-God crying was more noise to her than actual sentences. Then, some moments later, Eddie could finally understand phrases.

You ruined yourself, Edmunda.

What will the community think of us?

We need to fix this somehow.

So what used to be a ploy to stop being touched, Eddie’s haircut was the start of six months of non stop scalp massages, essential oils, and weird pastes that sometimes smelled heavily of egg. 

The first day she was out with her mother after the assault on her head, women from her mother’s church group would make faces towards Eddie. 

“She was out in the woods for too long,” her mother lied to save face. “It was a lice infestation.” 

The women believed it.

There was something interesting Eddie noticed, after her mother stopped with the pastes and the oils and the massages- she stopped touching Eddie’s hair. Previously, when her hair was down, her mother would run her fingers through it. But now? Her hands stayed to herself- and away from Eddie. 

And that was fine with her. 

Eddie learned how to put her own hair in a ponytail, when it grew long enough again. No more tugs and snagging. 

No more foreign hands. 

It wasn’t until seventh grade, when she joined the softball team, that someone forced their hands into her hair again. With the older girls, it was tradition, apparently, to wear twin braids for each game. 

Eddie hadn’t had a braid in her hair since she was eight. 

For a while, she could fend them off; keep their hands far away from her newly grown out hair, but teenage girls are vicious. Three games into the season, she relented, taking down the ponytail she had tied up three times that day. 

The girls would glide their fingers through her hair and dutch braid it, easy as breathing. It felt nicer than when her mom would do it years ago. They were easier, kinder with her scalp than her mother was. 

But the strange fingers still made her skin itch. 

Her mother preened when she saw Eddie after her first game with the braids. 

“You look so pretty, mija!” She gushed. 

“I’m covered in dirt and grass stains, mami,” Eddie argued. “I’m not ‘pretty.’”

Her mom waved her off. “Yes, yes. I know that. I’m talking about how you finally did something different with your hair! It’s nice!”

Eddie rolled her eyes. “It’s something the older girls do before the game. Nothing special.”

“Nonsense, Edmunda. And look at it this way! Now that you seem to be branching out, why don’t you let your sisters play with it? Since you don’t seem to want to do it yourself?”

Eddie tried her best not to roll her eyes again. Sophia and Adriana were in this phase where their favorite game was “hair salon.” Abuela bought them a little vanity kit and everything, complete with hair clips, a brush, and a mirror. 

The next day, her mother must have said something to the girls, because before she knew it, Eddie was being bombarded at breakfast by her sisters who were just dying to do her hair before school. And with one final glare from her mother, Eddie was herded towards Sophia’s bedroom, where the play vanity lived. 

Sophia pushed her into the low-seated chair and shoved a J-14 magazine in her face, while Adriana sat on the floor in front of them. 

“Whatcha doin’, Moonie?” Adriana asked in her sweet, innocent voice. Their parents hated that Eddie used Eddie as a nickname, and tried to use anything but when talking in front of her sisters. When she was a toddler, Adri was fixated on the “-mun-” part of Eddie’s name, and thus her nickname “Moonie” was created.  

“Don’t ask her that,” Sophia chided. “She doesn’t know what she wants. It’s bor-ing.”

Eddie rolled her eyes, but restrained herself from a retort. Who knew what Sophia would tell their mother?

Overall it was… fine. 

While Sophia “worked,” Eddie just sat there. She was uncomfortable for sure, but there was no small voice screaming run. Instead of feeling like ants were crawling up her spine, there was only a slight buzz beneath her skin. 

Though it took longer than Eddie had wanted, Sophia was incredibly proud of her final product. Instead of her normal ponytail, Eddie was now sporting a pair of spiky buns with butterfly clips down each side of her head. 

So, completely impractical. 

“Soooooo…” Sophia asked after the big reveal. “What do you think?”

“It’s… uh,” Eddie stumbled over her words, trying to find something nice to say. The weight distribution on the back of her head felt completely off, and she wasn’t looking forward to feeling each individual clip on her scalp all day. 

“You hate it,” Sophia said sadly. Adriana looked like she wanted to cry.

Eddie held her hands up to placate her sisters. “No, no! I don’t hate it! It’s just… new.”

“New?” Adriana questioned.

Eddie nodded. “Yeah, Adri. New. I just need to get used to it. That’s all.” 

Of course, Eddie never tried to get used to it. She braved her mother’s coos, and the bus, and first period before she could run to the bathroom to take everything out. When the clips were out and she was back in her regular pony, she breathed a sigh of relief. The clips weren’t tugging at her scalp anymore, and the weight distribution was back to normal.

Knowing her mother would be disappointed that she took down her sisters’ (Sophia’s) handiwork, Eddie prayed to whatever was out there for the existence of school sports. She came home that day with the white lie, it’s easier to play softball in a ponytail. 

For months after, Eddie used that excuse. Her sisters were sad the first few days, sure, but how could she tell them the truth? That would break their hearts even more. 

By her junior year of High School, Sophia and Adriana had moved interests, and Eddie was free from their grasps. Gone were the days of butterfly clips and spiky buns. She was free.

But then senior year arrived, and Shaun had moved back to town. 

And asked Eddie to Prom. 

When the girls found out, they squealed, begging for Eddie to let them do her hair again. Eddie said yes. 

She needed to impress Shaun. Needed to show him she could be a good girlfriend.

The afternoon of Prom came. Armed with every single hair tool imaginable, Sophia took charge, and Eddie hated it. 

The stiffness, the tension, the smell of the overuse of hairspray; the sheer amount of pins and clips in her hair. Adriana thought she looked so cool, and Sophia was ecstatic about how it was turning out.

And Eddie could only grimace. 

Beauty is pain, or whatever, and she needed this. 

So while Sophia was using frankly, a bit too much heat on her already fairly straight hair, Eddie said nothing.

(Though, if Eddie enjoyed Shaun taking down her hair after Prom, well, she wouldn’t say anything.)

~~~

On the day Eddie found out she was pregnant, barely out of high school, she couldn’t decide if it was a blessing or a curse. She wasn’t even twenty years older, and definitely not married. She cried when she told her mother, and cried even harder when her father told her and Shaun in no uncertain terms that they would get married before Eddie started to show. 

When the wedding came around, they were down to the wire. The dress her mother had picked out was close to not fitting. Eddie was lucky, she guessed, that she started to show late in the game, but that garnered comments from her family. “You’re lucky that you don’t look pregnant on your wedding day, Edmunda,” they would say, and that made her feel incredibly gross all the way around. 

Sophia did her hair that day. She saw how uncomfortable Eddie already was, and went for the quick and easy route: soft curls and a handful of hairpins. Eddie couldn’t have been more grateful

The wedding was fine. 

The rest of the pregnancy was fine. 

Shaun was an absolute godsend through the entire thing. On days she felt off, and wanted to stay in bed, before he went to work, Shaun would braid back her hair so it was one less thing she needed to worry about. It was a simple three-strand, an easy thing he learned from being an older cousin, but it worked. It helped her feel more like a human being and less like a boulder. 

The first time Shaun had touched her hair, Eddie felt something she had never felt before. With her mom, it felt like ants were crawling up her spine at every pull. With her sisters, it was less like ants and more an unpleasant sizzle under her skin.

But with Shaun? It was calming. There were no ants, no sizzles. Just peace. 

The downside of her barely showing most of her pregnancy was that she gained all of that weight in a very short amount of time, and she hated it. 

And when she finally gave birth?

You have a son, they said.

He was stuck in the birth canal, they said.

You were out for longer than we would have liked, they said. 

But it was fine. She was fine. She had to be, after all. 

When she was healthy enough to finally hold her son, Christopher, Shaun tied her messy, sweaty hair back, and clasped a silver chain around her neck. Holding it between two fingers, she read the inscription. 

Behold Saint Christopher 

Protect us. 

A Saint Christopher Medallion, for their son, Christopher. 

“Shaun,” Eddie whispered, choking out his name. “Thank you.”

~~~

Choosing to become an army medic was definitely not on the top of her list of career paths. She’s not even sure how she got there in the first place. 

Well, that’s a lie. She knows exactly how she got there. Shaun was off for the day, so he took Chris and told Eddie to “do something for herself.” So she went and did the shopping. Living on a single salary was hard enough, but when the single salary wasn’t a college graduate was even worse. 

She was outside of the store, doing the math to make sure she wouldn’t go over budget when she realized she was staying outside of the Army Recruitment offices. 

Eddie wasn’t going to join. Why would she? She had an infant son at home and he only just got off breastfeeding. She couldn’t do it. 

But she could. The recruiter gave her the options. It’s been done before. 

Before the man gave her the paperwork to officially sign herself over to the government, she pushed it back and apologized. “I need to talk to my husband,” she said. 

Shaun tried to fight her at first, but quickly realized he wasn’t going anywhere with it. 

“Why you, Eddie?” He asked. “Why not me?”

“Because a boy needs his father,” she argued. 

“What about his milestones?” He fought. “You should be there for those.” 

“It doesn’t matter what I need, Shaun. It’s about what’s best for Chris.”

She shipped off to basic three weeks later, after a fight with her parents that left her in tears. 

~

The army was fine. A lot of things were just fine these days. She liked the structure, and it felt good to push herself. Even the medic training was interesting (maybe she could use it after she’s discharged). 

What pissed Eddie off, however, were the hair regulations; bobby pins and hair gel- the bane of her existence. It took longer than she cared to admit to to put her hair up in a way that looked acceptable. She almost used a knife right then and there, but knowing her parents were already horrified over her career was enough to put her off (for now.)  

They didn’t need another thing to grip about. 

She missed her kid, of course she did, and Shaun tried his best to call, but army hours were hell, even though she was still in Virginia. 

When Eddie was handed her deployment notice, with it came a couple days of leave. 

She called Shaun immediately. 

“How long do you have?” He asked. 

“Until I’m home?” Eddie clarified, “two weeks. But I’ll only be the weekend.”

Shaun’s face fell, and he let out a huff. 

Eddie sighed. “I’m sorry, Shaun, but we knew about this before I left.” 

“But what about your son? Seeing his mother for only a weekend? What happens if you don’t make it back?”

Eddie took a breath, regaining her composure. “I don’t want to pick a fight. Not now. I’ll see you in two weeks.” 

Shaun mumbled an apology. “I’m sorry. See you in two weeks.” And with that, he hung up, not allowing Eddie to say goodbye. 

Eddie brought her hand to her head, stopping when she felt her stiff hairline. She couldn’t take her hair down for a few more hours, which was stressing her out even more . She wanted to scream, fidget, run her hands through her hair. Anything to relieve the tension, the electricity coursing through her veins. 

After dinner, she slipped away to her room, grateful that the others were still out, doing their own things. Eddie was able to decompress a lot faster that way. By the time she had put herself back together properly, her roommates had returned, and it was time to start getting ready for bed. 

She had never been more thankful for a shower in her life. This was the first time she had felt so broken - well, not quite broken, she wasn’t exactly sure what to call it - since before she arrived at basic, and she needed the gel out. 

The water wasn’t hot, but warmer than usual due to the early shower, but she relished in it anyway. Eddie scrubbed at her roots with the bar of soap she had to loosen the gel. With each pass of her fingers she felt the tension ease, and her eyes welled up. Here Eddie Diaz was, having a breakdown over her hair again. 

Her time was running out, so she quickly rinsed the soap out and scrubbed at her body like her life depended on it. 

Normally after her shower, Eddie would either tie her hair back into a ponytail or a half-assed braid, but tonight she needed to feel the weight of it loose down the back of her neck. 

She ignored her roommates for the rest of night, hoping the next would be less eventful.

~~~

Shaun didn’t pick her up from the airport, citing that he didn’t want Christopher breathing in the air, and as much as Eddie wanted to pick a fight, it wasn’t worth it. Instead, it was only her mother and Adriana waiting for her on the other side of the gate. 

“Eddie!” Her little sister squealed, running towards her, unaware of their mother warning her not to cause a scene. 

Eddie opened her arms for the bundle of joy hurdling her direction. “Mi princesa!”

Adri giggled, “I’m not a princess anymore, Eddie. I’m an explorer looking for lost treasure!”

Eddie smiled softly, glad that even at twelve years old, her little sister hasn’t lost her spark. “Well then, mi exploradora. Let’s get to the car and you can tell me about all of your adventures over dinner.”

Eddie didn’t ignore the look that crossed over her mother’s face. 

“Eddie, are you sure-”

“Yes, mamá. It’s Sophia’s senior year. I want to spend as much time with her before I go back-”

“You act like it’s not your own fault Edmunda.”

Eddie was fuming, but she couldn’t break composure in front of Adri, who was mindlessly swinging the arm she had attached herself to. 

“We are not doing this here.”

The entire evening was a tense affair, and she couldn’t tell who was worse off- her husband, who she had called once she had gotten in the car; her mother, who hadn't spoken a word to her since the airport; or Sophia, who was old enough to know exactly what was going on. 

Eddie knew that Shaun was having issues with her parents. He would bring it up in some passive-aggressive comment during a few of their phone calls, but she had no idea what to do about it. 

After dinner, Sophia had gone straight up to her room. Hoping Adriana would keep Shaun occupied before it was time to leave, Eddie followed her upstairs. 

Eddie knocked on the door. “Sofí? It’s me. Can I come in?”

She took Sophia grunt as permission to open the door. Eddie was surprised to see that she was only sitting on her bed. She expected her to be under the covers (at least, that’s what Eddie normally did after a dinner like this.)

“I’m sorry,” Eddie said when Sophia looked up. 

Her sister snorted. “You? Sorry? Right.”

Eddie plopped down gracelessly, jiggling the bed. “Yeah, Soph, I’m sorry. I know dinner was tough-“

“Tough? Everyone at that table is mad at you. I’m mad at you, and I don’t want to be.” 

Sophia broke down in Eddie’s arms, and all she could do was hold her while she cried. 

“I know, Sofí. I would be here if I could. I want to be here when you get your first acceptance letter, your Senior Prom, your graduation. I want to, but-“

“You have to go prove yourself on the other side of the world.”

Eddie was shocked. “Sophia, it’s not-“

“I know what it is,” Sophia argued. “I know you tried to hide from me, but I’m not stupid Eddie. I know we’re only two years apart, but I can see how much shit mom and dad put on you. I just wish you were able to prove yourself here instead of over there.”

“Me too, Sophia. Me too.”

~

Because she went straight to her parents house instead of home, Eddie still felt like airplane funk. And probably smelled like it too. It’s been over a day since she’s showered and she couldn’t wait to stand under a hot, reliable spray and use bath products that weren't in danger of getting stolen. 

Shaun was still awake when she got home from her parents house, so with a quick kiss, she made her way to the bathroom to clean up.

When she was done, feeling cleaner than she had in months, she called Shaun in, and gave him her best “baby cow eyes.”

“What?” He asked, a bit of ice seeping into his tone.

Instead of looking him directly in his eyes, Eddie turned back to the mirror. “Could you… braid it back for me? Please? Feels nice when you do it.”

In their reflection, Eddie noticed the ice melt, and with it came a small smile on Shaun’s face?

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Eddie handed Shaun the wide-tooth comb she was using to detangle. He used to part her hair, and when he started to braid he stopped. 

“Can I do something different?” Her husband asked abruptly. 

She shrugged. “As long as I can sleep with it, sure.”

Shaun smiled and let go of the parts he had made, instead started at the top of her head. She missed the feeling of other people’s hands on her scalp. At the beginning of basic, Eddie had struggled putting her hair up, but waved off her roommates when they offered to help. Though she loved how it felt, she rarely allowed people to touch her hair. It only felt right when Shaun or her sisters touched it. She liked to keep her bubble small. 

When Shaun was done, it ended up being a loose french braid. Eddie ran her hand down its length, impressed by how uniform it was. 

“When did you learn how to do this?” She asked. 

Shaun shrugged. “ When Sophia brings Adriana over to see Chris, Adri lets me practice sometimes.”

“Practice for what?”

“When you’re home, in case you wanted to try something different with your hair.”

It was at that moment Eddie felt like she had been hit by a train. Shaun, whose skills, in Eddie’s opinion, were perfectly adequate for what she could tolerate, started practicing in case she wanted more. 

She could cry. 

And, she did.

Eddie dove into her husband’s arms with tears in her eyes. As she made contact, Eddie could feel Shaun tense. 

“Are you okay, Eddie?” He asked tentatively. 

Eddie unclenched her hands from where they found purchase in his shirt and stepped back. Hastily rubbing her eyes, she responded with a quick, “Nope, I’m fine. All good here.”

Clearly she didn’t fool him, because the next thing she knew, Shaun’s large hands were around hers, slowly bringing them away from her eyes. 

“No, baby. You’re not,” he said, adjusting Eddie’s face so he could look her in the eye. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

Eddie looked down and wrung her hands together, a nervous tick she’d developed. She took a deep breath. 

“It’s just, nobody has ever done something like that before,” she quietly explained. Shaun’s face morphed into that of confusion. “Sure, Soph and Adri did a lot to my hair in school, but that was because they wanted to; mom wanted them to. But you?” 

Eddie hyped herself up, and resumed her place in Shaun’s orbit, taking his hands in her own. “You decided to teach yourself, in case I wanted something. You did something for me.” 

Shaun’s strong arms wrapped around Eddie, pulling her close. 

“You’re worth the effort, Eddie. Always.”

~~~

Whoever wanted to join the Army in hopes to be stationed in Afghanistan, clearly had no idea what they were getting into. 

Frankly, in Eddie’s no-so-humble-opinion, it was ass. 

Living in El Paso, Eddie thought she knew what a dry summer felt like. Blazing sun, laying in her yard, clad in only her sports bra and the shortest shorts she could find, and still feel like she was melting. 

But Afghanistan was something else entirely. 

It was nasty. 

The sun was unbearable. The uniform was itchy. And the dust. Eddie had seen dust storms before, but never upwards of two, three times a week. 

Being a combat medic, out there in the middle of everything there would be times where she wouldn’t see base for days at a time. Her showers would include finding a relatively secluded area away from everyone and hoping the limited water she had would wash the desert that her head had become. 

It was times like these where Eddie envied the men in her squad. Out in the desert, they had it easy. The uniform haircut was a blessing. 

Whenever she made it back to base, as soon as debrief was over, Eddie made a beeline to the showers. They weren’t great, but anything was better than a water bottle for three days straight. 

During her first video call home, Eddie complained at length about how hard it was to wash the sand out of her hair. No matter what she did, she could feel the lingering grit under her nails. It was driving her crazy. 

She received her first care package around a month into her 12-month deployment. Inside were standards: drawings from Adriana, a four-page essay from Sophia, and…

A scalp brush.

Attached was a note that said,

Maybe this will do better than your nails.

Shaun

The thoughtfulness from her husband was overwhelming. And the difference it made.

The first time she used it was after a four day stint in the middle of nowhere. There was sand in places she didn’t even know existed. And for the first time since she was deployed, Eddie felt clean. 

Overall, in terms of medic duties during her deployment, she considered herself lucky. Surprisingly, nothing too crazy had happened out in the field. Sure, she had to deal with some pretty gnarly things in the tents at base, but the worst thing she had to fix in the desert was an open gash on the forehead of a guy who tripped on a rock. 

She only cried once, truly, during her deployment. And that was when she spent her son’s birthday on an entirely different continent, 8,000 miles away. Eddie kept herself together during the call, but as soon as she hung up, she felt her body crack at the seams. 

No one bothered her for a few hours. 

~~~

The first thing Shaun said to her when she got home, after a hello and a quick kiss was, “The doctors are worried that Christopher isn’t hitting his milestones.”

And wasn’t that a punch to the gut. 

“What do you mean?” She asked. 

Shaun sighed. “He’s almost a year and a half, and he’s barely crawling, and not even sitting. There’s something wrong, Eddie, and your parents wouldn’t let me figure it out.”

And there was. 

At just under 18 months, Christopher Diaz was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, when he should have been nearly four months prior. 

“It’s all my fault,” Eddie cried into her pillow as soon as their son had gone down for his nap. “I should have- there must have been something I-”

Shaun crawled into the bed behind her, and kissed the back of her shuddering form. 

“There’s nothing you could have done differently, baby,” Shaun whispered into her neck. That should have been reassuring, but all it did was make Eddie cry harder. 

“What are we-,” Eddie sobbed, unable to form a complete thought. 

“We do what we always did, love him, and do what’s best.”

~~~

Turns out, doing what’s best for a child with needs as complex as Christopher’s was expensive. It was impossible to keep up with the fees; medication, physical and occupational therapy, plus the plethora of surgeries in the past, present, and future.

Two and a half years in, and Eddie couldn’t bear to look at another bill. 

Three years in, and Eddie was going to do what she promised herself she would never do again. 

“I’m reenlisting,” she announced one night during dinner. 

Now, Eddie wouldn’t call her and Shaun the most functional couple in the world. They had their issues. But never did he raise his voice like he did that night. 

“What the hell, Eddie?” Shaun snarled, dropping his fork. 

“It’s the only way!” She reasoned. “Pay’s about the same, but the insurance is better than that shit the office gave you.”

“Not by much!” 

Eddie’s chair screeched across the hardwood as she stood. “I need to do this.”

“What you need to do, Edmunda,” he said in a low voice, “is be home with your son.”

Eddie’s eyes welled with tears. “No. You don’t get to do that.”

“Do what?”

She couldn’t reply. The sound of her name, her full name on his lips was nothing like she had ever heard before. 

Shaun’s arms flew into the air, and Eddie flinched. He didn’t notice. “You don’t get to run away from this.”

“I’m not running away!” She said, almost in a scream. “I’m doing what’s best for this family!”

Shaun left the table with such force that his chair fell over with a sharp thud! Christopher, who, in theory, was supposed to be asleep, started screaming. Instead of acknowledging Eddie, Shaun left to attend to Christopher. 

It took almost a week before they could have a conversation that was more than a few words long. 

It was during one of Eddie’s “everything” showers, where she took her time, methodically going through each step of her routine. 

She had just gotten in when she heard the bathroom door open. Closing her eyes, she could hear the rustle of shucked clothing, the clink of the shower curtain against the rod, and a short breeze of cool air before the warmth she had longed for returned.

There was a quiet snick from the cap of the shampoo bottle.

“I’m sorry,” Shaun whispered, massaging the shampoo into Eddie’s scalp. She hummed, but didn’t say anything. She allowed herself to get lost in her husband’s hands.

“I’m scared,” he said, moving his hands down to the tips of her hair. “You survived the first one, but what if you’re not so lucky this time?”

“I have to. For you. For Chris.”

Shaun didn’t say anything more while under the spray. Eddie didn’t either, not until they were done, and he was braiding her hair back, like he normally did for her before bed. 

“I think I want to cut it, before my next tour,” she said, disrupting the silence. She felt the hands in her hair still.

“Yeah?” was all he said, as he tied off the braid. 

Eddie clutched the tail and tugged a bit. “There was so much sand, the last time,” she explained. 

“Yeah, baby. It’s the desert,” Shaun snorted lightly. 

Eddie rolled her eyes, knowing he could see her in the mirror. “But in the field, washing off with two water bottles and half a prayer? I don’t know… should I?

Shaun wrapped his arms around Eddie and used her head as a perch for his own. 

“Will it make you feel better if you did?”

Eddie thought for a moment, and beyond practicality? It had been years since the “unfortunate incident” (as her mother liked to call it,) and frankly, it was time. 

“Yeah, I think it would.”

And that is how, two days before her redeployment, Eddie ended up in front of their bathroom mirror, with Shaun eying the shears in his hand like they had personally offended him. 

“Why am I doing this for you again?” He asked. 

“Because you love me?” Eddie offered with a gleam in her eye. 

“It’s more along the lines of, ‘I like to use my poor husband for free labor when I could be doing it myself,’ baby.”

Eddie sighed. “It’s not that I can’t do it, Shaun. It’s like when you braid it. I like that you make me feel safe.” 

“Sap,” he muttered. “One last time, are you sure?”

“Yes.”

And a few minutes later, Eddie felt freer than she had in years. After Shaun had finished, the ends of her hair landed just above her shoulders- long enough to pull back if absolutely necessary, but short enough to be easier out on missions.

“Thank you,” she breathed, teasing the roots. 

“Of course, Eddie,” Shaun replied. In the mirror, her husband looked happy for her, but there was something sad in his eyes that she didn’t want to think about. “Go kick some ass.”

~~~

Eddie, in fact, did not kick some ass. The only ass that was kicked was her own. 

It started out easy enough, at least for a two year deployment. For her first few months, Eddie was mostly confined to base. And for the most part, she appreciated it. Having a schedule on base meant that she could more or less stick to the chat schedule her and Shaun created before she left. 

Though she had done it before, it broke her to see her little boy grow up over a screen. But after every call she had to remind herself that she was doing this for him; so that Christopher could grow up with the best possible life she could give him. 

She could also see that Shaun’s patience was thinning. She didn’t tell her parents about the deployment until she was leaving, which, in hindsight, was a horrible idea, since it left Shaun to deal with the repercussions. 

But, overall, it was fine. 

That was, until the helicopter went down. 

He already wasn’t feeling great, cutting off the call with Shaun and Chris. Finding out your mother in law had Stage 3 endometrial carcinoma while getting on a helicopter was definitely high on the list of “Worst Moments in Afghanistan.”

A moment topped only by the next. 

Looking back, Eddie couldn’t quite comprehend what happened that evening. 

She was on the floor of the helicopter, keeping Greggs alive. 

Next, she’s dragging her team out of the wreckage. 

Next, she’s cowering behind a rock, out of ammo, and sporting three gunshot wounds, praying to her son. 

Next, she’s in a field hospital, feeling like a mummy, being told that she did good. 

And three months later, Staff Sergeant Edmunda Diaz was the not-so-proud owner of a Silver Star. 

Her parents loved that thing. The day the letter came announcing her award, her mother was immediately on the phone, calling everyone she knew. And by everyone, Eddie meant, everyone. People arrived on planes into El Paso to see her. Well, more specifically, her medal. 

After the helicopter, instead of going home, she spent the majority of her recovery. Eddie didn’t quite understand, but secretly, she appreciated the fact she was given the chance to recover without her mother breathing over her neck while telling her I told you so.

The party her parents threw was overwhelming, to say the least. She had been home for less than a week when the family finally swarmed. 

And Shaun? 

He was absolutely no help. And Eddie was absolutely confused. 

Sure, he had Christopher, but when the two of them were alone, he gave her nothing. 

Not a single touch. 

Their first night in bed, when Eddie tried to snuggle close, Shaun flipped over, unceremoniously, and ignored her. 

Maybe he’s trying not to aggravate my shoulder, she thought helplessly.

But no. It was more than that. 

There were no more soothing hands in her hair. No more arms wrapped around her chest. 

Absolutely nothing.

She’d lost a lot more than blood overseas. 

The first thing Shaun had said to her was, “have you thought more about California?”

And Eddie was pissed. When could she? The only time Shaun had asked her was during a video call on her first day off the majority of her pain medication. And he brings it up right then? Just after her own mother tells her that she’s feeding her own child correctly?

“No, Shaun, I haven’t,” she said, exasperated, completely over everything around her. Her husband gave her a look of confusion, so Eddie had to elaborate. “I just got home, and half of the people out there flew in to see us. Please, just give me a bit of time.”

Eddie too was busy with Chris’s juice box to see Shaun’s face. 

That night, for the first time in almost two years, she fell asleep in the arms of her husband. 

And that morning, she woke up with her son on one side, and on the other, a note that said. 

“I need a little more time, too.”