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1. wouldn't it be sad if i hadn't met you at all? by lohoron

   Fandoms: Actor RPF, American (US) Actor RPF  

   • Mature
   • No Archive Warnings Apply
   • M/M
   • Work in Progress

   26 Feb 2026

   Tags

   • No Archive Warnings Apply
   • Ben Affleck/Matt Damon
   • Ben Affleck
   • Matt Damon
   • Casey Affleck
   • Kyle Damon
   • Original Female Character(s)
   • Christmas
   • Author does not celebrate Christmas
   • but is trying nonetheless
   • College
   • Pining
   • Coming Out
   • (to oneself)
   • (and others)
   • I'm Bad At Tagging
   • Brooding
   • matt thinks too much
   • Slow Burn

   Summary

   So Ben was not coming to Christmas. Was not gonna be around for New Years. Whatever.

   It’s December 20th. Sort of. The 21st, if we’re being technical. Matt moved out of his dorm last night with Kyle’s resistant assistance, and he’s lying in bed, staring up at his ever so familiar popcorn ceiling, thinking.

   He’s got a real gripe with that. Thinking. It should not be so easy to keep the shit inside alive. Spiraling should be more effortful, not a mode to slip into all unaware and clumsy. One thought jumps to another, rocks in a lake, contact tepid at best. Matt spirals like second nature. First nature. It happens without permission; the car swerves right when his hands drop contact with the wheel.

   There are decisions to be made. Winter Break is the time for decisions.

   Language:

   English

   Words:

   29,059

   Chapters:

   6/8

   Comments:

   59

   Kudos:

   133

   Bookmarks:

   9

   Hits:

   1,816