Work Text:
Another night where I walk into a room that doesn't give a homely vibe, it simply appears as if two messy people have bunked here for the night. I shed my coat, letting it fall to the floor before kicking my boots off.
I look in the mirror right next to the door, twiddling with a few strands of my unruly hair. Rubbing my soot kissed cheeks, not failing to notice the ever present bags under my ever present bloodshot eyes.
I sigh, shoulders drooping with the exhale. I've no energy to change into pajamas for the fifth night in a row so I simply drag myself to the bed and fall into it.
The off white covers are cold yet soft, the pillows welcome my head. I can smell the scent of another and the rose scented perfume I insist upon using.
I use it because it smells like her... My eyes shut, Celestia's smiling face gracing my tired mind with its beauty. I feel a smile pull onto my lips as I can just imagine her nimble arms wrapping around me. She's surprisingly warm and... For some reason, she smells like the dingy air from outside.
My eyes snap open and sad to say, my heart drops. Makoto has simply reclaimed his place in bed, cuddling out of bad habit. My arms limply wrap around him, touch light enough that I can pretend he's someone else. I feel his breath ghosting across my face, his worn out green eyes falling shut.
I observe the bags under his eyes before trying to count his many eyelashes. As nice as they may be, they're not as nice as a certain black pair I wish I could gaze upon just once more. The smaller boy's eyebrows are furrowed in stress, I'm too exhausted for any kind words right now. I just close my eyes, enjoying the sound of light breathing and soft ruckus from outside.
I notice that Makoto has his working clothes on, as well. Even so, if he did change, he would've just dawned one of his many jackets.
There's a secret beneath those jackets he's not deemed me worthy of being told. Though, I feel I've figured it out, anyways. Nor could I care any less, I'm not his diary or secret keeper.
I keep a gambler's secrets and that in of itself is a heavy burden, especially now that I carry her life as well. I feel a hand trace the ribbon tied carefully around my neck, because it's trembling, I dare not to open my eyes.
I know if I did, I'd find tears gathering in eyes that once held life. This thought stings my heart and my eyes, efforts futile, teardrops dance on my eyelashes. I feel a chaste kiss pressed to my cheek, not a word said but somehow I manage to hear Celestia's voice say to me, "You're my strong detective."
I surpress the chuckles in my throat as I think, "I'm not strong." Arms wrap around me tighter, it must be Celestia, not Makoto. Not the one whose alive, who I room with. No, the woman who I saw crushed by a God damn fire truck. The gambler who deserved her extravagant dream must be the one here now.
Silently, I will Makoto not to say a word and break my facade. As his breathing evens out, signaling he's asleep. I open one eye and see a smile on the other's face.
Breathlessly he whispers, "Sayaka..." In this relationship, if you could call this that. I guess if you think crying, sharing a room where you either cuddle while thinking of someone else or sleep back to back pretending you're alone, and sometimes an awkward hug is a relationship, be my fucking guest.
We're both just each other's forced second choice. I couldn't have my true love so I chose the most bearable. Byakuya is an asshole, I can't stand him not to mention he had the nerve to believe Celestia was beneath him.
He's just a spoiled brat. Touko, she only had eyes for Togami but after going to Towa City, and coming back with Makoto's sister. Well, at least, she's in a healthy relationship.
Asahina still cries every night over Sakura, she's not ready to even pretend to move on. After that, is Hagakure and I'd rather fucking die than even entertain the thought of spending anymore time than I have to with him. So, Makoto is the best option.
But, I'm not a bad person. Makoto is worse. I'm not even his second choice, but third. He'd always been in love with Sayaka... After mending his heart, he ended up falling in love with Ishimaru, of all people.
Tride and true, both our hearts were shattered at the same time. He somehow managed to keep his composure but when he realized it was Celestia, I had as well. Two pair of sad and startled eyes met each other before closing in resignation.
For the icing on the cake, before Celestia revealed her real name, Taeko Yasuhiro, she looked at me with guilty eyes. Silently apologizing for messing up then offering a bashful smile that made me weak in the knees.
I wanted to fall to the ground and cry. But, that would be unskillful and there's nothing Celestia hates more than people without class.
I feel grogginess nipping away at me just as flames nipped at her feet. With the last words that left her mouth echoing in my mind, I sleep. A comforting thought passing through my mind...
I'm only Makoto's third choice and he's my second.... How fucked up.