Chapter Text
Gre- wait a second. Wrong line.
Once wait hold on. How do I even start?
If you don't know what this is, this is an object show I made that I refuse to animate. Does that even work?? What do I even call this?? Object fic???? Oh well...
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But that just defeats the entire point of am object show. Probably? Sob.
But that's ok. I think.
I don't have a budget.
.. now read this slop.
~
Switch... Switch... Switch... Switch..
"Calendary.. your tv SUCKS ASS. EVERYTHING IS JUST STATIC!!"
"THAT WAS EXPENSIVE, YOU KNOW?? also my name doesn't have a y."
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"seriously, don't call me that."
"Whatever."
Dull Blade (not the weapon from genshin impact) continues to switch through channels. There's really nothing to look at. It's just static. Calendar's TV actually sucks!
...
....
.....
Uh...
Awkward.
.
Poke.
"Hey guys."
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! GET AWAY FROM ME, SHITHEAD!!!"
oh. Rude.
"Whaaat? I'm not a shithead... What is a shithead??"
"Sigh... Don't do that ever again."
"... Aw man."
~
On the other side..
Empty field. It's a very empty field. So empty. Ahh so empty. Empty? . Empty! Empi.
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Empi
Flip phone noises.
Flip phone noises.
Flip phone noises.
^^
What in the FINDALONG is that flip phone saying??
Flip phone noises.
Flip phone noises.
^^
CAN THIS THING JUST
Flip phone noises.
Flip phone noises.
Flip phone
Flip
'yo what up backflip'
'r u still hosting ur show'
'can I cohost'
'pls'
'plllsss_'
flip phone noises
'WAT'
'WHYYYYY'
'BUT I WANNA COHOST TOO U K??_'
flip phone noises20x
'aw okay :('
'but I can get more contestants?? oki doki'
':D'
'brb!!_'
staticnoisesasfile'sfootstepssfx
flip phone noises
~
violent swinging noises straight from hell.
"Thread, stop pushing the swing so hard!! I LITERALLY HAVE NO ARMS!!!!!!! STOOOOP!!!"
"Hold on with your legs then!!!"
"HOW?????"
"Search it up!"
"DUDE-"
R.I.P
Domino card, [__] years old
Cause of death?: fell off the swing
Skkkrttt.
"Hey gu- OH MY."
Writing tablet stares at DM's dead?? body. Bro. What? She just came. What in the findalong??
"What happened to him?? Why and how did he even-"
"He fell off the swing! Not my fault."
....
"That's kinda..."
"Painful? Yeah, I know right!"
"Yeah.. painful indeed...???"
....
They just stare at each other in silence.
.....
"Wanna hang out today?"
"Yeah, sure."
Skrrrt.
Skrrt combined with footstep-
LOUD AIR HORN. LOUD AIR HORN SFX EARRAPE EDITION.
Both of them stopped walking (the other one stopped skrrting??). Thread looks back in.. idk, confusion? Her nonexistent eardrums almost exploded.
'wassup gang_'
Skrrrt, turning version.
"Uhh.. sup."
'you guys wanna join a show/competition'
'theres Berry very* cool prize_'
"Which is?"
'uh idk.'
'how about'
'hm'
'mmmmm'
'10 million rupiahs ($601,05 usd)_'
"YEAH SURE!!! GIRL, YOU GOTTA JOIN THIS!!!"
"Uhhhhhhh.."
"c'mon..."
"Okay then?"
'LES GOOOOOOO'
'hey sleeping person over there_'
.....
.....
.....
'uh sleeping dude'
'bro?'
'wake up bro_'
......
......
......
'ig that's a yes'
'ok 3 contestants'
'guys don't just stand there go back to whatever ur doing or sum_'
Stare.
Stare.. sound??
Sta
LOUD AIR HORN SFX EARRAPE EDITION
"OH MY TAB! LET'S JUST GO!"
very fast skrrrt??
~
staticnoisesasfile'sfootstepssfx
staticnoisesasfile'sfootstepssfx
'yuysyzyzya'
'guys'
'dullblade'
'jar'
'pc'
'gang'
'gang'
'gang'
'oh fuk you three_'
disappointed staticnoisesasfile'sfootstepssfx.
~
empi field
empi
emp
em
e
'backflip_'
flip phone noises.
'15 contestants and a 10m rp prize is fine right_'
furious flip phone noises.
'uh'
'we can go steal the contestants mony'
'stealing is gud I heard :D'
'no worries_'
flip phone noises.
'ok close ur ears in 3'
'2'
'1'
'go_'
LOUD uhh LOUD uhh LOUD??? LOUD SOUNDS EARRAPE EDITION???
Well? Nothing's actually happening. Just very ear piercing sounds.
Oh? What's that?
Oh??
OH-
Poof!
"Huh??? What the hell."
"Whaaat am I doing here???"
"..urely I'm not g- wha."
Hell yeah. Everyone's here. File totally didn't just magically kidnap 15 people with the power of sound.
flip phone noises.
flip phone noises.
flip phone noises.
flip phone noises.
flip phone noises.
flip phone noises.
"What. The. Actual. Fuck. Is. Bro. Saying."
"Off topic but, DB, we haven't met in so long. How has it been???? You know, you weren't the type to insult people, uhhhh... Or maybe.. cus-"
"That was 10 years ago, dude."
"Oh."
Flip phone noises.
Flip phone n
"Hey uhm.. white thingy! Do you know what the flip phone is saying!!!"
'ohhh'
'ok uhm'
'you guys r competing in a comp called..._'
"SAY IT ALREADY!!!"
'say the magic word_'
......
World's most annoying contestant co-host goes to that thing.
↓↓
'ok I'm jk. U guys r competing in a comp called fight for 10 million rupiahs'
'the firdt challenge iz simple'
"Wait, hold on a second. I didn't even agree to join."
'draw urself. And me and flip phone will rate it'
'ok 3 2 1 goe!!_'
"Well... Uh ... I guess that's fine? I mean, if I joined without you, who else would help me move, trashcan?"
"Me! Meee!!! I'd help you!!"
.
.
.
.
'ok guys heres a piece of paper. Now draw!!_'
"Oookay.. how would I draw if I have no limbs."
"Well.. you can always use your wheels! Might have enough dirt on them. Also, check this out, trash can!!"
Drawer makes an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a/an/a weird noise coming inside of her??? Is that a baby kicking or what.
More diabolical noises.
More diabolical noises.
Ding!
"All done!!!"
..
"What were those noises."
"Uhhh.. that was nothing! Now open the third cab!"
"Can't. Open."
"What?? Why???"
"Oh."
Third cabinet magically opens sound
Wowie!!! There's a drawing inside. No wonder she can draw, she's a drawer!!! (Badumtzzzzzzzz????????????? Haha get it??? Get it????? No????? Awww okay..)
~
"Yo thingy thing of the thing!! Recover our dead domino card!!!"
'whats recovering lmao?'
'cant do that mb'
'maybe next time_'
"Incompetent bitc-"
"Do you like my drawing??"
"No."
~
Flip phone noises.
'yiu say I coujtrd the contestants worng?_''
Flip phone noises.
'oh so there's actually thirteen'
'then the host should compete too_'
^^dude. What.
Flip phone noises 4x.
'start drawing backflip. Now._'
"hEy whiteY! I finisheD my drawiNg, whAt noOww?"
'ita ugly._'
"...... You shOUld hit that X buttON ON the cOrner over there. Point Something amazing happENs!"
'jar r u trying to tell me to kms'
'it isn't working._'
"I'll do it myself!"
Jar, with no hesitation, hits that X button on file. What happens next will not shock you. File disappears.
Furious flip phone noises.
Furious flip phone noises.
Skrrrt.
"Oh hey. Where's the white thingy? I need to submit my drawing.
"Dead."
"What?"
"Dead."
"How did you eve-"
"You can ALways delete tabs."
"OHkay.. Hey flip phone, rate my drawing!"
Thinking flip phone noises.
5 beeps.
"Wha.."
5 beeps.
"Is that the rating or-"
"YOU must be kinda STUPID, writing tab. 5 bEeps prObably mean a 5. Anyways rate mine neXt!!!"
....
Silence.
....
"Huh."
~
'woah'
'what a bitch'
'woah consent where r u going???'
'rnt you competing too_'
[I HAVE NEVER CONSENTED TO THIS. I WANT TO LEAVE.]
'uhm ok.'
'lkke do u wanna be the first one eliminated'
[YES, PLEASE.]
'k'
'anywah j know where empi is_'
[TURN BACK. GO STRAIGHT UNTIL YOU SEE A SIGN AND TURN LEFT. YOU SHOULD SEE A BUS STATION. GET ON AND WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE AT "EMPI PLACE".]
'YAYZ_'
Happy staticnoisesasfile'sfootstepssfx
~
"IF DOMINO IS UHM... dead or something. HOW IS HE GOING TO DO THE CHALLENGE!! HE'S GOING TO LOSEEEE!!!!!"
"Chill out OCC. We can just draw on his paper just to look like he drew it! Now come here for a sec."
"Alri- WHAT ARE YOU DOING. NO NO!!! LET ME GO!!! AAAAA-"
R.I.P
Odd Colored Crayon
Cause of death: he has been DULLED!!!!!
"And all done! Man, I didn't know i can do that, despite me having no hands at all. OCC is sooo handy."
Quciky staticnoisesasfile'sfootstepssfx
'oh yay I'm here'
'anywah. U three done with ur drawings?'
'occ: 5, dm: 6, pc: 7'
'im pretty sure flipphone will say the same_'
"OH MYERS THE WAY THE WAY!!! I GOT A 7!!!"
'yeah ik'
'cover ur ears I'm gonna call everyone here'
'321'
'cover'
LOUD DIABOLICAL NOISES STRAIGHT FROM HELL.
oh my sweet potato fries and a half of the day! They're doing it again. Aaaaaand...
Poof!
[WHY AM I HERE? I TOLD YOU, I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE.]
Flip phone noises./shit
'here r the results guys_'
new tab opening (note: I thought file was a tab so file looks like a tab instead of a file.. if that makes sense.) sfx.
>RESULTS:
1. Drawer (10 points ~ file didn't rate!)
2. Thread (8 points ~ file didn't rate!)
3. Paper Cup (7 points ~ flip phone didn't rate!)
4. Dull Blade (7 points ~ file didn't rate!)
5. Domino Card (6 points ~ flip phone didn't rate!)
6. Calendar (5 points ~ file didn't rate!)
7. Writing tablet (5 points ~ file didn't rate!)
8. Odd Colored Crayon (5 points ~ flip phone didn't rate!)
9. Brownie (3 points ~ file didn't rate!)
10. CONSENT (0 points ~ no one rated.)
11. Jar (0 points)
12. File (0 points ~ doesn't count!!!)
13. Flip phone (0 points ~ doesn't count!!!)
14. Trash can (-10 points ~ file didn't rate!)
>
'5 contestands (not file and flip phone tho!!!) with the least points r up for elimination_'
"HOW AM I IN THE NEGATIVES??????"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I LOST.."
"no one cares, bozoooo."
"RUDE!!!"
"I am so gONna cry! Wah! Wah!! Waah!!! Actual baby crying noise"
'yall r gonna vote out one of the 5 fontestnatsn here'
'most votes get out_'
[EVERYONE, VOTE FOR ME. PLEASE. WITH A CHERRY ON TOP. VANILLA ALL OVER. THANK YOU.]
"And don't vote for me!! Cuz I want money."
"Awwww maaaan."
"Awwww maaaan."
"Awwww maaaan."
"Awwww maa-"
"SHUT UP BROWNIE!!!!!!!"
Everyone says in unison.
Flip phone noises.
Flip phone noises.
Flip phone no
"Oh wait a second. I can actually speak. Awesome. Now, I've asked several other people that are not competing to vote. Wanna know the results?"
"JUST TELL US!!!"
"There are..."
"ARE????"
"Drum roll!"
"JUST SAY IT! ITS NOT THAT FUCKING HARD!!"
"off topic but dull blade, stop swearing every 2 seconds!"
"SHUT THE FU
"0."
"All that just for the results to be 0??? I didn't know the host was also an incompetent bi
"VOTING TIME!!!! I'LL GIVE YOU GUYS 5 MINUTES!! USE IT WISELY."
"You know trash can, I would never vote for you to be eliminated!"
"I would."
'also im fonna spin a wheel with the losing contestants names, if it lands on ur name then ur votes r now double the amount'
'lster_'
[VOTE FOR ME. PLEASE. CHERRY ON TOP. VANILLA ALL OVER. PLEASE.]
"I feel like brownie should be eliminated."
"Agreed.!?:)."
^^
said/screamed 3 objects.
"WHAAAT??? WHYYHH!"
"Because you are a weirdo, little disease."
"little disease is wild.. but keep voting!"
'nonddtlu I will vote for jar'
'she can go hit that x button herse
Boop.
"HaHa. Closed yOU agAin!"
"I vote for jar. Justice for file! Justice for file!"
"Aren't you a HOST though?? That's not fair."
"Meh. My show, my rules, writing tablet."
"I'll just vote for this thing.."
Writing tablet points to CONSENT.
[FINALLY! I'LL BE FREE IN NO TI
staticnoisesasfile'sfootstepssfx
'Okay results r in!'
'lookie lookie where's my tabie_'
"That doesn't sound right."
"heythreadquickquestionbutifyouractuallyaspoolwhyareyounamedthread???"
"Oh silly jar! Because a thread fell on her head when she was a baby!"
"That's adORAble!"
"Jar, repeat that question. You said that too fast."
"It's called a qUIck questiON."
>RESULTS
1. Brownie (4 votes)
2. Jar (2 votes)
3. Trash Can (1 vote)
4. CONSENT (1 vote)
5. Odd Colored Crayon (0 votes)
BROWNIE MIGHT BE ELIMINATED! (Let's spin the wheel first!!<
"I hope brownie gets eliminated."
"Yeah, I knOw right? He's juSt sOoo weird. And he prob holds a disNEEZE that can't be cured."
"Why'd you say disneeze."
"He sNEEZEs a lot."
"Yeah sooo...? I don't get it. Just say disease."
"Oh silly blAdey BOy! Let's be friends nOW! We both hATE (with a passion) brOWnie!"
"I'm not a boy! What the hell, jar???"
"Sorry, bladey girl!"
"Ok yeah sure."
'hey spin wheel come here'
'i have a confession to make'
spin wheel struggling to move.
'take ur time'
'ok me have confession_'
"Yeah?? Tell me!"
'are you sure?'
'what if you hate me bc of this._'
"Of course not. I mean, I don't know you."
'ok...'
'are you ready?'
"Ready for what?? Well I guess I am!"
'ok.. then...'
'i love_'
"Go ooooOOOAAAAAAAAAAHHH WHAT THE SPINNING WHEEL ARE YOU DOING!!!!"
'Scribbling on spin wheel!'
'dw_'
"OKAAY!! JUST STOP!!"
'all done :D'
"What is that THING doing."
"I don't know, trash can! Maybe just- OH MY."
"ST999299299999299229299292929292929292299292929292929229820PPPPPPPWPWPWPPP!!!!!!!!!!! AAA@@@@@@@@AAAA@@@---H
^^wirh that spinning wheel sound
Ding.
'and jar's votes are doubled!_'
"PrOb not a prOblem. I ONly have 1 vOte anywAys!"
"Im gonna hold your hand when I say this.."
"WhAt? Why? PAper BOy? Uh? BrO?"
Flip phone noises.
"You have 4 votes. Which is a tie! Which means we have to spin again!"
"WhAt!? AGAiN!?! NONONONONODONTWRITEONMYFACEAGAAAA-"
"Poor spin wheel.. he's suffering a lot!"
"Well, you guys have something in common. No legs! I wish I can sew new legs on both of you, so you two can waaalk!!!"
"Ah. That's nice, thread. But that wouldn't make too much sense-"
"That's okay! Curiosity is a compass, I guess!"
"What is that supposed to-"
"IIIIIIIIINNNNNNN-"
"And the disease is going out!!!"
(loud cheering, except for dm and occ they're literally)
"Whaaaaa... Whyyh??? Why are you guys so MEAN TO ME???"
"I dunno, bud! No one likes you."
"whisperwhisper jar, I thought november calendar was all about the holiday spirit??"
"whisperwhisper I thOUght that was DeCEmber cally???"
"Ok enough talking! Bye brownie!!"
"Buuut-!"
Cursor appears!
"What's that?"
'bye!_'
The cursor picks up brownie. Brownie, not sure what's happening because he'll never see it comiiiiing, stays still.
click!
>ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO PERMANENTLY DELETE THIS FILE?
YES. NO
YES