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Math was going to be the death of Skylar. He revised the problem in front of him once more, trying to find out where exactly he went wrong but the numbers and letters were slowly losing their meaning to him,turning into formless squiggles spread across his notebook as his vision got a little blurry . His head hurt, he was tired and he was two seconds away from falling asleep.
It was in moments like these when he missed Cirrus. The boy had somehow developed a sensor to gauge the various moods of Skylar. He knew exactly when Skylar was pushing himself way over his limit and made sure to remind him to take a break.
Skylar gathered his books and shoved them into his bag. He had the sudden urge to see Cirrus’s face right now. He should have just gone back to their house instead of coming to the library to study. His group of friends from college had joined him but they left at around nine p.m, which left Skylar all alone. His habit of sitting for long periods at one place till he met his studying goals was still the same, the idea of taking a breather usually never crossed his mind.
Cirrus would definitely chide him for coming home this late. He was used to Skylar staying long hours in the library. Initially, he used to wait for him to come back, sitting all alone in the dark on the couch with Candy asleep in the bedroom but after long arguments and conversations with Skylar, he would go to sleep first. It made him happy, to see Cirrus slowly trust him more, to believe that no matter what, he’d not leave him and always return to him. It had taken them a long time to reach this point but looking back, it was all worth it.
Skylar punched in the password–1 2 2 0– his birth date. That was one thing that never changed. Cirrus was absolutely adamant on keeping it that way and although it was a bit embarrassing, Skylar couldn’t help but feel a bit elated.
The lights in the living room were turned off and the couch was empty. Cirrus was probably already asleep. Skylar tiptoed into their bedroom and sure enough, he could see the calm, sleeping face of his boyfriend. His sandy hair was strewn over his face messily, giving him a boyish look and even in the minimal light, Skylar could make out his long eyelashes. He inched closer to Cirrus, his heart beating a bit fast at the sight of him.
Turns out, he had missed Cirrus more than he had anticipated. Because of their different schedules, they hadn’t really had the time to spend together properly. Skylar ran his fingers through Cirrus’s hair, gently combing them out of his face. He observed the periodic rise and fall of his chest. His heart felt like it could burst any moment. Maybe he’ll cancel his plans with the study group tomorrow and come directly home. It should be okay to miss one day of studies, right? Besides, it was more fun to study beside Cirrus. If he could convince Cirrus to miss the second half of his classes, they could spend more time together.
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a slight shuffling movement under the blanket.
“Cirrus? Are you awake?”
His question was answered by soft breaths. Skylar brought his face closer to the sleeping boy.
“You’re really asleep?” His voice was low, almost a whisper. He kissed Cirrus’s forehead gently. “Cirrus…I missed you.”
He finally got up, preparing to go to the washroom to clean up quickly so that he could join Cirrus and sleep beside him.
As he turned around, he felt a slight pressure on his wrist.
“I missed you too, Sky.” Cirrus’s voice was raspy, with a hint of amusement.
“So you were awake! Since when?” Skylar frowned at him, but there wasn’t any weight or intent behind it.
“Since you typed in the passcode and opened the door.”
“Then why the hell were you pretending to sleep all this while.” Skylar couldn’t help but feel a bit irritated. If Cirrus was awake, he should have let him know! He should have ran to the patio and hugged Skylar and covered his face with kisses. He should have let Skylar feel the warmth of his body.
“I’m sorry.” Cirrus smiled, not looking apologetic at all. “But I love the feeling of my boyfriend’s eyes on me, staring at me intently.”
Skylar blushed. “I wasn’t.”
“Even with my eyes closed, I could feel your gaze.” Cirrus finally, finally pulled him into a hug. “You must have really missed me.”
Skylar breathed in the scent of Cirrus, the familiar floral scent comforting him. “You’re reading too much into it.”
“I missed you like crazy. Honestly, I thought I’d go insane, waiting for you.”
When Skylar finally kissed him, he made sure that Cirrus would know that it was the same for him.
The first thing he did in the morning after waking up was text his study group that he won’t be staying back at the library for a few days.
***
The annoying thing about having your boyfriend study in a grade junior to you in a different university was that it was difficult to surprise him by waiting at the gates of his institute so that you could walk home together. When Skylar was in first year of college, Cirrus was still in school, so he used to wait for him outside the building at the same time everyday. But now, it was a bit different.
First of all, the campus was huge. The university Cirrus studied in had multiple colleges for various courses, so it was crowded once the classes were over with students walking around in every possible direction. Secondly, Cirrus’s schedule was erratic. He was forced into joining the cultural committee because of the lack of volunteers and more often than not, he had to stay back after classes with the others. (For the life of him, Skylar couldn’t figure out what exactly was the point of such a committee but apparently, cultural events and extra curriculars were given a lot of importance in the medical and veterinary fields to make the students more rounded and to give him opportunities to build character outside of their studies.)
Still, here he was, standing outside Cirrus’s college, scanning his surroundings for a glimpse of his boyfriend. Now that he didn’t have to go to the library, he was excited to spend more time with Cirrus. He just knew that his watermelon eyes would light up in happiness when he sees him, once the initial confusion at seeing Skylar at his campus subsides.
Skylar walked around aimlessly, not knowing where exactly he should go. Maybe he should give in and call Cirrus to ask him where he was. It was definitely better than roaming around amongst random chattering students, trying to look for him.
Just as he was about to reach into his pocket to take out his cell phone, he saw him - familiar strands of silver brown hair shining under the sun, his face exuding boyish charm, his eyes as beautiful as ever. Cirrus was standing right outside the college building talking to a girl who Skylar presumed was one of his co-members of the cultural committee.
He wanted to call out to Cirrus but something stopped him in his tracks. There was something different about him, something he couldn’t place a finger on. Skylar had seen the various faces of Cirrus over the years– his fake niceness as he tried to imitate Chan-il, his twisted personality as he manipulated and blackmailed him and finally, his devoted love towards him, one that seemed like it could move mountains.
He knew that Cirrus had changed quite a lot- he had put his phony persona behind him and had become quite introverted. He still maintained a good relationship with his classmates but he didn’t put in the extra effort to be well liked.
Right now, Skylar could see that he was very comfortable, his face looking a bit amused. He watched as the girl he was talking to put her hand on his shoulder and surprisingly Cirrus didn’t flinch or push her away. Although he had gotten much, much better now, he still wasn’t all that fond of physical touch, especially when it’s people he didn’t know. So it seemed like he was quite comfortable with her.
Skylar could feel his heart clench. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling right now. He knew that Cirrus loved him, more than anything, his boyfriend made sure to let him know everyday. But for some reason he wanted to take Cirrus home and hide him from the rest of the world.
Cirrus was beautiful, no one knew that better than him. He wondered how many people in his classroom were crushing on him. He hated not being able to witness this side of Cirrus as he made new friends in college. He wanted to be a part of every aspect of his life, he wanted to be the only one who knew Cirrus inside out because Cirrus was the only one in the world who knew him inside out.
Their eyes met and Cirrus immediately brightened up, his eyes shining pink. He ran towards Skylar, leaving his companion standing confused. Skylar couldn’t help but feel a sick sense of happiness as he smiled back at his boyfriend.
“Skylar! What are you doing here?” Cirrus’s enthusiasm at seeing him reminded him of Candy. He could sense that Cirrus wanted to hug him, but the boy restrained himself. He never failed to respect Skylar’s wishes - although Skylar didn’t mind PDA that much anymore, he still got a bit nervous. At that moment though, he really wanted to embrace Cirrus.
He settled for a side hug instead, ignoring the surprise in his boyfriend’s eyes.
“I came to pick you up. Let's walk home together, it’s been a while, right?”
Cirrus was about to say something but was interrupted by someone calling out his name. It was the girl from before, who hurried over to them.
“Hey! You just left mid conversation?”
“Sorry.” Cirrus said, pretty unapologetically.
The girl simply rolled her eyes, as if she was used to Cirrus doing so all the time.
“So, is this your friend?”
Skylar rushed to introduce himself.
“Hello, I’m Yeon Skylar, Cirrus’s-” He faltered for a bit. He couldn’t help but wonder how she would react if he introduced himself as his boyfriend. They still kept their relationship under the wraps but for some reason he was tempted to divulge in that secret just this once. Or maybe not.
“He’s my roommate and an old friend from high school.” Cirrus jumped in.
“Oh, you’re the esteemed roommate.” She smiled at Skylar. “Cirrus talks a lot about you. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
She extended her hand. “I’m Kang Ae-ra. I’m with Cirrus in the cultural committee.”
Skylar shook her hand, feeling a tad bit guilty.
“Okay, Ae-ra, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Cirrus gave one of his fake sickly sweet smiles, the one Skylar used to often see when they were in school.
“Not so fast! Come on, Cirrus, would it kill you to just consider it for a little bit?”
“What are you guys talking about?” Skylar couldn’t help but ask.
“So, we have planned a fashion show for this year’s cultural event and I was just asking Cirrus if he could take part in it.”
“And I said I don’t want to.”
“Come on, please Cirrus, help us out just this once. If you’re participating, I’m sure that the audience turnout would be great.”
There it was again, the pang in his chest. The unfamiliar feeling of jealousy taking over his heart.
“If I say I’ll think about it, would you let me go?”
“For now.” Ae-ra had a mischievous glint in her eyes. Skylar was sure that she wouldn’t give up until Cirrus yielded to her request. She reminded him of Ri-in a bit.
“Fine, then I’ll think about it.” Cirrus rolled his eyes in annoyance. It seemed like he, too, knew that there was no getting out of this.
***
“So, how come you came to pick me up from college today?” Cirrus had already whined about the fashion show and having to participate in it for a while and now that they were nearing their apartment, his voice had taken a flirty tone.
There wasn’t anyone around, but Skylar couldn’t help but scan their surroundings quickly.
“Well, our study meet was cancelled today and I had some free time on my hands.”
“Ah, how sad, I thought your response would be more romantic.”
“Romantic how?”
“You know, something like, “I wanted to see you so bad I couldn’t wait for you to get home.’”
Skylar playfully pushed him. “That’s so corny.”
“You’re right, it would be so unlike you.” Cirrus giggled to himself.
Somehow that stuck with Skylar. Both of them knew that Skylar wasn’t the best at being upfront with his emotions, but he was trying his best lately. He didn’t want Cirrus to ever feel like whatever they had going on was one sided or that Skylar didn’t love him as much as he did.
Skylar had spent too long trying to minimize what he felt and trying to push Cirrus away. Their fight on that rainy day weasels into his mind at the most random occasions. He didn’t want a repeat of that. He didn’t want to be the Skylar who couldn’t accept love, the one who preferred to run away from his feelings instead of facing them head on.
“I lied, by the way.” His voice was low, almost a whisper, but it was steady.
“What?”
“Our study meet wasn’t cancelled. I bailed on them.”
Cirrus looked at him in surprise, the pink against his blue iris sparkling.
“You…bailed out on studying?”
“We’ve not been able to spend time together lately, right?” Skylar stepped a bit closer to Cirrus, their arms touching lightly. “I missed you. It’s not the same without you. Besides, I’ve bought my books with me. I plan on studying till late into the night.”
The red on Cirrus’s cheeks coupled with his flustered expression was something Skylar could get used to.
Cirrus kissing him as soon as they stepped into their house was also something Skylar could get used to. He had to wriggle his feet out of his shoes as he was dragged towards their couch–he hoped Candy wouldn’t make a chew toy out of them. He loved seeing Cirrus be desperate, he loved knowing that he was the reason for it. As he gazed at his boyfriend’s love struck face, he decided that little by little, he’ll try to be more comfortable with expressing his emotions, both in private and in public. He figured that he owes it to both of them.
***
Skylar likes to make a timetable for his studies. He likes to note down the topics he hasn’t covered and cross them off when he finally gets to study it. He figured that maybe he could apply the same thing to what he’s doing now.
He should make a list of what he wants to do with Cirrus so that he gradually gets comfortable with the idea of their relationship being out in the open.
Now Skylar wasn’t a PDA guy at all, so he figured taking small baby steps should be enough. At the very least, he shouldn’t get anxious at the mere idea of someone perceiving them as anything more than friends.
So first - he figured holding hands in public should be a good start. He remembered the split second look of hurt on Cirrus’s face every time he snatched his hand away from him when he thought other people were near. It hurt him every time but it was as if he physically couldn’t stop himself.
Maybe if he was the one to reach out first, it wouldn’t feel as uncomfortable. He loved holding hands with Cirrus after all. His boyfriend’s hands were big and warm and comforting in the way they enveloped his own.
He could do it. No more running away now.
~
To say that Cirrus was pleasantly surprised that Skylar came to pick him up the next day was an understatement. Skylar could practically see stars light up in his boyfriend’s eyes.
“Won’t your study group abandon you if you keep playing hooky like this?” Although his tone was teasing, it seemed like Cirrus could not keep the smile off of his face.
“No, they wouldn’t care that much. Besides, I've already informed them that I won’t be coming this week.”
Cirrus turned to him in surprise. “The whole week? Wait you’re…” He faltered for a bit. “We’re okay, right?”
Skylar smacked the back of his boyfriend’s head lightly. “Of course we are. What are you thinking?”
“You’re never taken a break from studying for a whole week before. It’s not either of our birthdays, our anniversary has passed, I don’t think there’s anything special about this week.” Cirrus glanced at him. “So if it’s not that, then…”
Skylar knew that Cirrus often needed extra reassurance, it was something he was used to by now. He smiled at him softly.
“I’ve been thinking lately.” He begins, thinking about how to word what he wanted to say properly. “I’ve gotten too used to having you around. So us not spending as much time together lately makes me…miss you.”
Skylar was underselling it. If he was being honest, it felt like a gaping hole in his chest. When they had started this, he had fleeting thoughts of how Cirrus’s clingy personality might annoy him but currently, it felt like he was missing something when he wasn’t around. Like a puzzle piece that fit perfectly in Skylar’s life, Cirrus had managed to weasel his way into his heart. If he could, he’d want to spend his entire days with Cirrus without spending a moment apart.
“You’re not drunk, are you?”
“Of course I’m not!” Skylar could feel his face turn red. Is this what he gets for being honest for a change?
Cirrus laughed, his voice clear as day. “You have no idea how happy I am right now.”
“Yeah?”
“Skylar, you have absolutely no idea how much I miss you all the time. It’s as if I’m losing myself when you’re not around. I can only truly be me when I’m with you.”
The dark haired boy coughed to cover up his embarrassment. He doesn’t think he’d ever get used to Cirrus being so open about his feelings. He was so unlike him in that aspect.
Now was the best time to carry out what he had planned. He walked closer to Cirrus, their shoulders touching occasionally. He intentionally let their hands brush against each other, hoping that Cirrus would get the hint.
Surprisingly, every time their skin made contact, Cirrus pulled away ever so slightly. Skylar glanced at Cirrus, trying to gauge his mood but his boyfriend seemed as normal as ever.
Well, it’s okay, his purpose would be defeated anyways if Cirrus was the one to initiate. Skylar took a deep breath, forced himself to not look around and grabbed his hand. It was as warm as he remembered.
Cirrus stopped walking.
“What are you doing?”
“W-what do you mean? I’m holding your hand.” He mumbled the last sentence but he was sure that Cirrus had heard him.
“We're outside.” He states, still giving Skylar the same blank look.
“I know that.”
“Anyone can see us right now.”
Skylar squashed a wave of anxiety at Cirrus’s words. He took a deep breath.
“I know that too.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I just–” Skylar managed a soft smile. “I really want to hold your hand.”
“You’re not forcing yourself, are you?” Cirrus looked much more concerned than Skylar had thought he would.
“Not at all.”
At the confirmation, Cirrus laced his fingers through Skylar’s, holding his hand tight. His hands, as usual, were warm and suddenly Skylar felt so silly to worry about this. With Cirrus by his side, he felt invincible. And when his boyfriend turned around to smile at him–a warm genuine smile reaching his eyes, he couldn’t help but feel giddy.
He felt something he didn’t really think he would ever feel – excitement to gradually cross off everything on his list so that he could keep seeing Cirrus smile like that.
***
The next thing on his list was hugging him. He was nervous about it when he was writing it down but his last endeavour had emboldened him. Of course, a hug was different from simply holding hands, but Skylar wasn’t as scared as he used to be. He wondered when the mental block he had because of keeping himself repressed for so many years had started to chip away.
Cirrus really had changed him, without Skylar even realising. And now because of it, moving forward was much easier.
The only problem was the timing. It would be somehow weird to just go up to him and hug him randomly, he needed a perfect time and place to do so.
Should he just go for it without overthinking it? That would definitely be the best course of action. If he thought about it too much, might end up backtracking.
Cirrus was late, he was still stuck in the cultural committee meeting. Ever since he agreed to be on the fashion show, the preparation for it was keeping him busy– he was trying out multiple outfits and practising his walk and deciding the theme and lighting with the other members and then once the day was over, he would talk about it with Skylar. Skylar was happy to see his boyfriend immerse himself in college activities but he also wanted him to spend more time with him. He waited outside the college gates, watching people pass by, hoping to see familiar sandy brown hair amongst the crowd.
He once more thought about his plan of action in his mind. Once Cirrus sees him, Skylar will walk up to him, hug him and then they could walk back together to their house. It should be easy enough.
Except of course, it wasn’t easy at all. Cirrus immediately held his hand once he saw him waiting at the gate and Skylar missed his chance to hug him.
They had been holding hands a lot lately. It was scary how easily Skylar had gotten used to it. But that just made hugging him difficult.
Skylar wondered if he should try again tomorrow, but he really didn’t want to wait anymore. He already had made up his mind, after all.
“Cirrus.”
His boyfriend stopped, looking at him expectantly.
“Remember how I told you about the list of things I want to do with you?”
He could see Cirrus’s eyes glint with excitement. After the first time they held hands, Skylar had told Cirrus about his plans to get more comfortable about their relationship in public. Needless to say, Cirrus was overjoyed. He had been very careful around Skylar after all the fighting they had done prior to getting into a healthier relationship, but Skylar could tell– he was holding himself back for his sake.
They were both still scared of messing up what they had. They had almost lost each other too many times to not be overly conscious.
But, Skylar wanted to move past it. He wanted them to be together for a long, long time and that would only happen if they stopped tip toeing around each other.
He moved closer to Cirrus, the fronts of their shoes touching. He could see how still his boyfriend was, as if he was holding his breath. It was kind of cute, to see him look at Skylar with so much anticipation.
Skylar awkwardly put his arms around him, feeling the familiar warmth against his chest. Cirrus didn’t dare to move. It was only after a few seconds that he returned the hug.
People were staring at them, Skylar was sure, they were staring and they were judging and they’re definitely going to call them all sorts of names and maybe make fun of them. This was a bad idea. A very bad idea. Skylar should push Cirrus away and make a run for it.
“No one is looking, Skylar.” He could hear Cirrus’s voice in his ear. His tone was calm and reassuring. “No one cares.” He gently patted his back.
Skylar opened his eyes. He wasn’t sure when he closed them. Sure enough, people were not paying much attention to them. There were one or two glances but Skylar didn’t really feel threatened or trapped like he used to.
He did it. He hugged Cirrus in public. And he wasn’t as wrung up as he thought he would be.
When he pulled back, he could see the familiar sparkle in Cirrus’s eyes. He could tell that his boyfriend was beyond happy.
They held hands on the way back home. And at the doorstep, Skylar hugged Cirrus one more time. Just to make sure the first time wasn’t a fluke. It wasn’t.
This bucket list might just be the best idea Skylar ever had
***
Skylar cursed under his breath as he was caught in another crowd of students pouring in from the auditorium. He really needs to ask Cirrus to give him a tour of his campus, because really, getting lost five times in a day was a little embarrassing.
Normally, Cirrus would have come to pick him up at the gates of his college but he was currently occupied with managing the college fest. Not to mention, he was busy with the fashion show later on.
Which is why Skylar was here, alone, trying to figure out where exactly the third auditorium was. He didn’t want to miss the fashion show, it was pretty much the only reason he was here. It wasn’t like he would be interested in the cultural festival of a veterinary college otherwise.
After getting help from a student, he was finally able to find the auditorium. Now all he had to do was find a seat and wait for Cirrus’s part in the fashion show. He wasn’t really sure what the theme was, he hadn’t even seen Cirrus’s outfit, so he was pretty excited for it.
He chose a seat at the front. He wouldn’t hear the end of it otherwise.
It looked like things were just getting set up. He checked up on his camera, all ready to take as many pictures of Cirrus as he could.
It has become a new pastime lately. He was always aware of Cirrus’s beauty, of course, that was something no one could miss, but during his earlier days at school, he would have said that Cirrus wasn’t his type. He was too pretty, too perfect, it sometimes freaked him out.
But when they got together, Skylar couldn’t help but think how ridiculous he was being. He found himself appreciating his boyfriend’s beauty more and more- his long lashes, his twinkling eyes, his silver brown hair that always sat just right. He wanted to stare at him all day, wondering how a boy could look this pretty. Wondering how exactly it was possible that that boy was his.
Cirrus was overjoyed when Skylar started taking his pictures. He’d pose a hundred times, urging Skylar to take pictures from different angles and lighting. He asked Skylar if he had more pictures of him than Chan-il.
The old Skylar would have probably started an argument hearing that. The new Skylar just rolled his eyes and showed Cirrus his cloud which was filled with pictures of the sandy haired boy.
The lights dimmed and the anchor walked onto the stage. He made it just in time , from the looks of it.
Hyper pop music filled his ears as the participants walked in one by one, striking various poses and showing off their outfits. It wasn’t Skylar’s scene at all- for him fashion was whatever freshly ironed shirt was present in his wardrobe paired with his trusty denims, but Cirrus was different.
He cared about his appearance and he definitely cared a lot about his clothes. He could see why his colleagues wanted Cirrus to participate in the show so bad.
When his boyfriend walked on to the stage, he almost didn’t recognise him.
Almost.
His hair was slicked back, a singular strand deliberately styled over his forehead. There was shimmery eyeshadow over his eyelid which made his eyes pop out more and his lips held a slight hint of color. He walked with confidence, the light reflecting off of his leather jacket giving him a somewhat otherworldly appearance.
God, his boyfriend really was the most beautiful man he had ever seen. He was so mesmerised that he almost forgot to click photos.
Cirrus had a stoic expression, which in Skylar’s humble opinion would have looked corny on someone else, but he pulled it off a little too well.
When their eyes met, he winked at him and it was like an arrow shot straight to Skylar’s heart. He loved Cirrus. He loved him so, so much.
He had the insane urge to announce to everyone sitting in the auditorium that Cirrus was his lover. It was weird, he’d never felt that before but for some reason he couldn’t care less about what others would think about their relationship.
He loved Cirrus and he wanted to show off their love without fearing anything. How was it that it took him so long to reach this stage? Looking at Cirrus, wanting to show him off should be the most obvious reaction anyone should have.
His boy. His beautiful boy. It took them so long to get to this point. How could Skylar ever be scared of what others might think when the scariest scenario was them not being together. At this point in time, Skylar couldn’t imagine not being with Cirrus. The thought left him breathless.
The rest of the show was a blur to him. All that he knew was that he wanted to see Cirrus. His beautiful smile, his beautiful eyes and his beautiful warmth.
When the final participant walked back, ending the show, he immediately rushed backstage. Cirrus should still be there, right?
Skylar forced his way through the crowd, chanting ‘excuse me-s’ and ‘sorry-s’, his eyes scanning the place. Where was Cirrus when he wanted to see him the most?
He doesn’t remember the last time he felt this frantic, it probably was when he used to wait around Cirrus’s house after school, waiting for him to be ready to talk to him. A fleeting thought of Cirrus leaving for America entered his mind and he quickly boxed it away. Now was not the time to think about ‘what-ifs’
He finally saw him, half hidden by the shadows in the corner of the room, talking to Ae-ra. Skylar rushed towards him, as fast as he could.
Cirrus always seemed to sense him when he was near and this time was no exception either.
As usual, he smiled when their eyes met. It was nothing short of a wonder, to be loved by someone so much. How could Skylar not return the love with equal intensity?
He revelled in Cirrus’s little gasp of surprise when he kissed him. At that moment, only him and Cirrus existed in the world. Nothing else mattered, really, not when he could feel his lover’s lips against his and the warmth of his arms around his waist.
When they broke apart, Cirrus still had a stupefied expression on his face, one conveying disbelief.
“You-” He started and immediately faltered. It was nice to know that every now and then he still had the power to render him speechless.
“Looks like you really liked Cirrus’s performance tonight.” He had forgotten that Ae-ra was right there till she spoke up. “He was amazing, wasn’t he?”
“He was.” Skylar felt his face burning up. While the whole showing off your love to the world wasn’t scary anymore to him, it was still incredibly embarrassing.
“Wait, Ae-ra, you aren’t surprised? That we’re….that he’s my boyfriend?” Cirrus seemed to have regained his ability to speak again.
“What do you mean? I obviously knew that already!”
“What?”
Ae-ra looked at Cirrus in surprise. “Was it supposed to be a secret? I’m sorry Cirrus but anyone could tell there was something going on between the two of you by the way you talk about him.” She smiled at Skylar. “He wouldn’t shut up about you.”
Cirrus groaned as he hid his face in embarrassment. “Oh god.”
Skylar was gonna tease him to no end. He smiled deviously but he also couldn’t help but feel a bit endeared.
***
The walk back to their apartment was quiet. Skylar’s hand was engulfed by Cirrus’s and they swayed their arms a little.
“Skylar.”
“Hmm?”
“You’ve changed. A lot, from the first time I met you.”
“Well, the first time you properly talked to me was hardly an ideal situation.”
Cirrus giggled. “You’re right. My first impression of you wasn’t the greatest.”
“My first impression of you was even worse!”
“Anyways,” Cirrus hurriedly changed the subject. “That’s not what I meant.”
“What did you mean?”
“You just…seem more confident now. Less defensive.”
“I see.”
“There was a time when seeing you in misery made me feel this sick sense of camaraderie.” Cirrus stopped swaying his arm. “But before I knew it, I found myself only wishing for your happiness. I’m indescribably glad that you somehow find that in me. It doesn’t feel real sometimes.”
“You think too little of yourself.” Guilt gnawed at his heart. Skylar knew that the actions of his past self, the one that got furious at every little thing, the one who hurt others to protect himself, who carefully selected words meant to wound Cirrus had affected him a lot.
“No.” Cirrus squeezed his hand reassuringly, as if he could read Skylar’s train of thought and wanted him to put a full stop on it. “I love you, Skylar. Always will.”
Cirrus loved him. He knew that. Of course he did. Despite everything they’ve been through, they were here, hand in hand, walking back to their home. Despite everything, they were making it work.
Skylar looked at Cirrus–his wonderful boy with his wonderful smile who made his heart race like nobody else.
“I love you too.”