Chapter Text
It was a good day. A very good day. Patrol was pleasant, weather was yet to turn scorching hot and Hizashi had bought groceries for dinner, since it was his turn to cook. He was humming the newest pop hit as he unlocked the front door to their flat.
“Tadaima~!” He said as he put down the bags to put his speaker on the dresser and pulled his shoes off.
“Welcome home,” came Shouta’s reply. He sounded distracted and Hizashi smiled. He was probably neck deep in the paperwork. He took off his jacket and grabbed the bags to bring them to the kitchen.
When he entered it, something caught his eye. An invitation on the kitchen table, lost between the flyers and utility bills. He picked it up and noticed it was addressed to Shouta.
“Oh neat! You got yours too!” He said with a grin.
It was an invitation to their high school reunion, ten years after graduation. It was difficult to believe they were 28 already. Most of their class got into the hero business, only some deciding after three years of high school that it wasn’t actually for them. It would be a great opportunity to network, too. Maybe he could even get some of them to be guests on his show!
“Yeah, I’m not going.”
Hizashi’s grin faltered for a split second. "I'm sure they'd love to see you though. Hear about that dark and gritty underground lifestyle, ya dig?" Hizashi laid it on thick to hide his disappointment as he turned towards the living room. Of course Shouta didn’t want to come.
"Yeah, well. I've never been close to them. And even if they'd like to see me, you don't, so."
"What?"
Shouta looks at him with an angry expression. "Or would you want us to pretend we're not together if we went?
"Shouta... what?"
It didn’t make sense. None of Shouta’s words made sense. How could he… where was it coming from? The mere idea that they’d pretend not to be together sent sharp pain through his chest.
Shouta’s angry, bitter voice snapped him out of his thoughts. "You clearly don't want it known we're together. I don't know if you're ashamed of me or just, don't know, want to play a happy bachelor. Whatever. I'm not going."
"Shouta... Starlight, please talk to me in any way that makes sense," Hizashi whispered, his lips and hand trembling. He stepped further into the living room but stopped when Shouta kept glaring at him. “Is this… are you hurt? Were you hit by a quirk?”
Shouta stood up abruptly. “You know what. Fuck you.”
He turned on his heel before Hizashi, shellshocked, could react, and left the flat, leaving Hizashi hurt, confused, and heartbroken.
The entrance door slammed and everything seemed to jumpstart. Hizashi’s head was immediately flooded with negative thoughts, fuelled by years of abuse he suffered. All his childhood and most of his teen years, he was told that he was useless, good for nothing, a waste of space that nobody would love and now…
His knees buckled under him and he dropped to the floor, his hand coming to cover his mouth as his body trembled and throat spasmed as he tried to suppress his sobs. He squeezed his eyes shut but it didn’t help; he could feel tears flowing down his face and dropping down his chin.
When he met Shouta, he thought… that maybe his family was wrong. There he was, his best friend who didn’t mind him being loud, over the top, and anxious. Even before they started dating two years prior, Shouta was there for him through the years, not once being truly annoyed with him or invalidating his feelings. He knew he wasn’t a perfect boyfriend but..
His parents were right in the end. He didn’t know what he had done but he hurt Shouta. How long had he been feeling this way? Weeks? Months? Years? How long did he harbour such resentment?
He dropped his hands and put them on the floor, gasping for air. He felt like he was suffocating, unable to take a deep breath. It terrified him and made him more desperate, as he remembered the muzzle on his face, making it nearly impossible to breathe. Cold sweat covered him and the living room floated in front of his eyes, the shapes distorted, as if he were looking at it through a spherical object. He was distantly aware he was having a panic attack but it didn’t help whatsoever to calm him down.
He didn’t know how long it took before his breathing returned to normal. He was still on the floor on all four, lucidity slowly coming back to him. He was still trembling and his head was absolutely killing him. His mouth was dry and rough from the crying and sobbing, his face was wet, and there was a damp patch on the floor where tears dropped. He tried to stand up but he was shaking too much, legs weak and knees hurting from being on the floor for too long. He managed to sit and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm himself completely.
He couldn’t stay too long there. He had to find Shouta, and had to explain this whole situation. He had to know if it was salvageable.
With much effort, he crawled over to the couch and supported himself on the plush seat to sit down there. He sank into the backrest and took his phone out of his pants.
Forty minutes. He spent about forty minutes on that floor.
He went to choose Shouta’s number but then he noticed his phone was still on the coffee table, next to the paperwork he was working on. Shit. Finding him in the city was like looking for a needle in a haystack but he had to do it.
Unless…
He called the next number in his favourites and waited for two signals.
“What’s up, babygirl?”
“Nemuri,” he croaked.
“Shit. Hizashi, what’s wrong?”
“Is… is Shouta with you?” He asked, tears welling in his eyes again.
“No, we haven’t talked today. What happened? Is he safe?” Nemuri started to sound agitated and Hizashi was crying again.
“I don’t know,” he sobbed into the phone. “He implied I don’t love him and just… he left. He left me, Nemuri,” he wailed. Dark thoughts started gathering in his mind again. “I don’t know what I did wrong, Nem,” he whispered.
“It’s ok, baby, we’ll find him. Is he not picking up?” She asked, clearly in damage control mode now.
Hizashi shook his head before realising she couldn’t see him. “Left his phone.”
“Ok. Make a list of places he most often frequents, send it to me and we’ll check them one by one,” she ordered, and Hizashi breathed with relief. He wasn’t alone.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“Anything for you, sweetheart.”
They hung up and Hizashi opened his notes app to prepare places where Shouta could have holed up. They were mostly cat cafés, but they were spread across the city. He quickly marked the ones he’d visit, leaving some for Nemuri, the ones that were closer to her flat, and then he got up. He was feeling… not better but more stable, at the very least. He decided to leave at once, only making a brief stop in the bathroom to clean his face of all the tears and snot.
As he was leaving, he noticed Shouta had left his wallet on the dresser but his capture weapon was gone. Shit. He decided to visit the closest cat café just down the road first. He doubted Shouta would go there, too close to home, but then maybe he decided not to bother too much without money.
Of course, that would be too easy. Hizashi peeked inside through the window and didn’t see the mop of black hair anywhere. With a resigned sigh, he went towards the train station, looking down at his phone as he inserted the addresses in the maps app to calculate the most efficient route between them.
Very logical.
It took him nearly four hours to check six cat cafés they usually visited, and two burger joints Shouta liked to stop by after his patrols. His boyfriend was nowhere to be seen and Nemuri updated him with every place from Hizashi’s list that she visited. Guilt, worry and, beneath all of it, anger, were clogging his veins more and more with each passing moment he couldn’t contact Shouta, talk it out like adults they allegedly were. That swirl of emotions was threatening to drown him, send him spiraling again. He had to stop a couple times to stand by the building’s wall to take a couple deep breaths, trying to keep the panic attack at bay. He didn’t have time for that, he had to find Shouta as soon as possible and make it right.
Finally, nearly five hours later, there was only one place to check out for him. It was a long shot, a cat café near UA they visited as kids and sometimes in their early twenties. They didn’t go there too often now, since they didn’t want to run into any of their students. Nevertheless, that place was filled with fond memories of their developing friendship, their celebrations, and moments when they were seeking comfort after…
If Shouta wasn’t there, Hizashi had no idea where to find him.
Well, he was there. Hizashi immediately noticed him through the window that was covered in stickers of cat paw prints, and the relief he felt made him go weak in the knees. He rushed to the door and only slowed down at the last moment, not wanting to make it clear just how frantic he was to get to his boyfriend. He stepped inside, flashed his membership card, asking to be booked for at least two hours, and quickly swapped his sneakers for slippers that were prepared for the guests. He smiled at the girl working the counter, though he knew it was trained, and went into the main area.
Inside, he made a beeline for the huge beanie bag in the corner Shouta was sitting on. He was sitting so low it was nearly swallowing him, and there was a cute kitty with black fur in his lap. At midpoint, he slowed down and came up to Shouta carefully, as if he were approaching a spooked stray cat. Shouta didn’t raise his head but Hizashi knew he had been noticed by the way Shouta’s shoulders tensed.
Once he was close enough his boyfriend would hear him, Hizashi spoke up.
“Hi,” he said softly and Shouta hunched even more. His fingers were stiff as he petted the cat in his lap. Hizashi came up closer, still moving slowly, and dropped to his knees by Shouta’s bean bag. His heart constricted as he noticed tears glistening on Shouta’s cheeks but he resisted the urge to reach out and brush them away. He didn’t have the right to do that, not yet.
“Shou… I think we need to talk,” he whispered and Shouta scrunched his eyes. He took a deep breath and started what he did best.
Talking.
"Shouta... I think... I think there's some huge misunderstanding caused by me making assumptions instead of talking."
Shouta was dead silent and focused on the cat in his lap.
"Sho... can I explain?" He asked gently. If Shouta didn’t want to hear him out… It would break his heart but he would respect that.
To his relief, Shouta hesitated but nodded.
"I’m not sure what exactly is going through your head but I think…” Despite wanting to talk it out, he was at a loss for words which always frustrated him and made him feel helpless. He still had barely an idea what actually went wrong. “I don’t know what is going on in that beautiful head of yours but…
“I am not ashamed of you. I am not hiding you so I can flirt with others. Even if I wanted to, which I don't because honestly I can't find others hot when you exist, the fact you'd think this of me..." he stopped and took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved Shouta was letting him make a grand speech or would rather have him interrupt and put him out of his misery. "Ask anyone at my hero agency or radio station. I don't shut up about you! Never giving any personal details, even your name... honestly, they probably think you're a figment of my imagination. But I do not shut up about you. I just physically can't! I love you too much for this.
"But... after years of you being underground and not wanting to be in the spotlight… hell, dodging any affection in public, even in high school, and avoiding having your pictures taken. I assumed you wouldn't like to be paraded around as my boyfriend, or have cutesy pics of us, or just... I don't know. Anything. That's why I never post pics from our dates, or bring you to work functions, or have you set as my wallpaper, which I want to do so much.
“But assuming was my biggest mistake. I should've asked. Not only have we both changed through the years, so has our dynamic. If I had even the smallest hint that you'd like to be... be introduced..." Hizashi stammered and blushed. "As my boyfriend."
Shouta blushed too.
"You'd probably have to use your quirk, I'd scream with happiness so much! So yeah. I'm sorry. For being a shitty boyfriend, and making you feel this way, and making you feel like our relationship is not the most treasured thing in my life, and for not talking."
At long last he finished and took a deep breath.
"I can't believe you said it all in one go," Shouta mumbled, tears in his eyes and crimson flush all over his face.
Hizashi felt so much relief that he felt dizzy and had to support himself on the bag Shouta was sitting on. “You know I have lung capacity for that,” he laughed and it sounded suspiciously wet.
Finally, Shouta raised his head to look at Hizashi and he lifted one of his hands from the cat’s back to wipe Hizashi’s tears away, which only caused him to cry more. “I…” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I should’ve talked instead of jumping to conclusions. I let it eat at me until it was too much… I just… You are always so loud about things you do, post about everything and anything… It really did feel like you don’t want to be seen with me.”
He dropped his hand and averted his eyes, guilt and shame over his features. “When I was sitting here… I remembered how often you used to ask me to take selfies. Or come with you for a beer with your crew… and I always, always turned you down. I don’t even know when I started wanting that but by that time… you stopped asking, and I can’t blame you, and all I felt was hurt… And I didn’t even remember how many times you used to ask…”
Hizashi adjusted to sit crosslegged and put his head by Shouta’s shoulder. “Does that mean if next time I turn on the front camera and take a pic of me smooching your cheek, you won’t glare?” He asked with a teasing grin.
The blush on Shouta’s face, that had already faded, returned with a double force. “Yes, please,” he said quietly and Hizashi could cry, laugh, and jump with joy.
“I need to buy a new phone with more memory then. I’ll take so many pics,” he laughed.
“Don’t test your luck,” Shouta grunted but his lips quirked in a small smile.
“Wouldn’t dare, babe,” Hizashi grinned and lifted himself on the bag to kiss Shouta’s wet cheek. “And you are coming with me to the reunion, gotta show off my boyfriend.”
The happy shine in Shouta’s eye was an answer enough.