Work Text:
'I think I’m going to die without ever having left this country.'
This was the main thought running through Y/N’s head as they laid on their bed, tired body supported by their arms. They were listening to music while playing a video game late at night. The single light illuminating their room shone brightly in the darkness and hummed loudly.
This thought came out of seemingly nowhere. It could have also been brought on by their general tiredness, or by their mind wandering as they focused on too much at once, or by their regular… less-than-positive thoughts. But the origin of the thought didn’t really matter.
What mattered was that it was overtaking the rest of their mind as they continued trying to ignore it. They turned up their music. They focused on the head-pounding humming of the light. They stood up, paced around a bit, and laid back down again. They turned off their video game.
Nothing was working. This was too much.
They tried laying in bed with the lights off… but now with no visuals to distract them, the thought grew in size.
Y/N had spent so much time researching other countries, learning a few phrases in every new language they discovered, immersing themselves as much as they could in different cultures… They explored customs, culture, folklore, everything possible relating to every country they grew affectionate towards. They truly loved the countries, in more ways than one.
But they knew they were going to die.
They knew they were going to die early when they were still a child, before they hit double-digits and before they could substitute for x in a math equation or knew what global warming was. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy, one that they honestly thought would have been fulfilled by now even; every new day they spent alive was a complete surprise to them, and not a welcome one either.
Dying wasn’t even the bad part– being forced to live their current life was. They had a deadline in mind, if they didn’t die before then, they would just take matters into their own hands. But the problem lied in the fact that they still had a lot of time before that deadline, and that that time was not being spent very wisely.
Sure, they enjoyed a lot of their free time, but they simply wished that they had more freedom to explore their world. They were trapped in the same place every day, too anxious even to go out and exercise. They started so many projects, always giving up when they reached a difficult point. They thought having projects would help pass the time before their end, but it just ended up frustrating them more often than not.
Y/N just wanted to spend time outdoors, alone with their thoughts and their friends, fully experiencing sunny blue days and rainy evenings of summer. They wanted to see every flower as it bloomed, and see how they changed as the days grew longer. They wanted to search for grasshoppers and butterflies in the fields, and drink in the sweet, clear air. They wanted to rest in the shade of every tree and dance in every clearing.
But it just wasn’t possible. They were trapped. And they wanted out.
With death, the thought is often that the person who wishes for death simply wishes to be in a different situation in their life, and they don’t actually want to be gone. And that was true for Y/N, but it just wasn’t that easy to change their life. The world wasn’t as idyllic as they wanted it to be. The life they wanted didn’t exist. Either they wouldn’t be able to find the ideal place, or their ideal place would have citizens that hated them.
But that wasn’t the biggest problem; the biggest problem was that they wanted someone to spend their life and time with, and everyone that they cared about in that way did not exist in this reality. They would certainly have to die to be with their loved ones– the characters they dreamed about every night, and talked to every day.
They shook their head gently as they sat up in their bed, eyes painted blind by the inky darkness. Their thoughts were getting out of focus now. They were probably just tired. Maybe sleep would do them good… if they weren’t experiencing insomnia. Everything was so frustrating.
Going to another country would not solve all of their problems. It would probably just create more, as they were right now…
Y/N liked when things stayed the same. Even if they hated how things currently were, it was better to be miserable in a predictable realm than to venture into the complete unknown.
Although, if they lived a life with the right people, everything might work out…
…
There was a tapping on the glass. Gentle, but forceful. Maybe it was a bird. That would be interesting to see… and with that, Y/N got up and opened the blinds on their window.
…
It was a bird.
But not just any bird… it was a puffin.
…
Puffins weren’t native to their country. Y/N felt a glimmer of hope, thinking that their fantasies might be coming true… but crushed it with thoughts of the zoo that was only a few minutes away. The zoo had puffins… probably? But Y/N wasn’t sure. They stayed staring at the puffin’s soft feathers reflecting in the moonlight, as well as the silky bowtie around its neck. Its beak was also much larger than-- wait, bowtie?
The puffin knocked on the glass again, staring up at Y/N. They gently opened the window, assuming that was what the puffin wanted. Y/N waited for a moment, holding their breath as the puffing grabbed the sleeve of their sweater in its strong beak and tugged at it, gesturing with its eyes to the outdoors.
This puffin reminded Y/N so much of a certain character from one of their shows. They were sure they were blinded with false promises of adventure and fantasy their fantasy books and fanfics promised them, but still they followed the puffin out the window with no questions asked. Maybe they would get to die today. They never knew where the puffin could be leading them.
Well, whether it was death or a fantasy adventure, both were excellent options.
…
Y/N didn’t know what happened after that. There were some bright lights, some time lost, the feeling of falling and flying and immense confusion…
Before they knew it, they were standing in front of one of their best friends– someone they had spent countless hours daydreaming about, someone they thought was only fictional…
Emil. Iceland. Meeting him in this mysterious void… what was happening?
Emil said nothing, but gently took Y/N’s hands in his own, muttering something to himself. His hands began to glow softly, illuminating his face perfectly. The glow spread to Y/N, descending down to the soles of their feet and up to the crown of their head and beyond. They saw the same happen to Emil, and then the setting changed.
They stood by a large house, one that Y/N knew very well. It was Ber’s house, they had visited here countless times. (Well, in their dreams… which, now that they thought about it, might’ve been something more…?) The house was warm and inviting, almost beckoning them to step inside. But it wasn’t what they were going to do now. They always had time to come back.
No, Emil had brought them here to see some sights in the outdoors, not to go back to being stuck indoors for countless more hours. They knew. Not that that would be a bad thing to go inside, as they would be overjoyed to be able to spend all hours of the day with the people they loved dearly. But that could wait.
The air was cold here, even though it was summertime. The house was up higher in the mountains, and it was quite cold up North in general. As Emil started walking, still holding one of their hands to guide them, they stepped a bit closer to him in an attempt to steal some heat from him. Or it felt as if they were stealing, anyway; they weren’t used to physical contact, and even the slightest bit felt absurd and unlawful.
Emil led them over to the top of a small hill, upon which already rested a blanket, where Mr. Puffin was already bundled up, fast asleep. Emil scoffed at the puffin, but was very gentle with him as he scooped the bird up to rest by his side instead, as he motioned for Y/N to sit down next to him on the opposite side. Y/N obliged, and finally were able to take in the view as they finally weren’t distracted by the whole walking and physical contact thing. And how gorgeous it was…
The hills stretched for miles, and though they knew there was a town nearby, it was nowhere in sight. The crisp air was perfect, and felt just wonderful to breathe and made them happy to be alive. The air was alive with the scent of blooming flowers and budding trees. There wasn’t any painful humming of appliances here, either, just the sound of wind and the gentle breathing of Emil sitting next to them. They realized the close proximity between the two of them, but although it was not what they were used to, it was comfortable. The blanket they rested on was soft, the grass within arm’s reach was also gentle and contained no prickly weeds or twigs that made the experience uncomfortable. Even though they weren’t wearing shoes, their feet were completely unharmed in the short walk up the hill.
Emil then rested his hand on Y/N’s upper arm for a moment to get their attention, and then laid down, gesturing for them to do the same. They were confused, but followed his lead. The soft slope of the hill was perfect; they felt just like they were at home, resting on their mountain of pillows. Except here, they weren’t alone. They smiled at Emil, and then looked up at the sky. And it was magnificent.
The aurora borealis shimmered in the dark sky, surrounded by twinkling stars, all as bright as the moon in the unpolluted countryside. Soft greens and purples surrounded their resting figure as their eyes widened to take in every good thing there was out here. They had never experienced anything remotely close to this. From the colors in the sky, to the soft ground beneath them, and the sweet, clean air they breathed, everything was perfectly in sync. Their mind and soul were finally clear. They rested their head closer to Emil’s, and closed their eyes, basking in the euphoria of being alive.
“Thank you, Emil.” They murmured gently, feeling fully at peace.
This was what life was all about, and they wouldn’t have it any other way.