Chapter Text
Hi
Dear Saso
fuck, what am I
For Sasori,
I know this is ridiculous. 'Pointless,' you would call it. Writing to a dead man as if he could respond. Ludicrous. But here I am, once again, doing something pointless for you. I couldn't tell you why. Just that this is what one of my so-called friends suggested after reading a book on therapeutic exercises for PTSD. He says it might 'help' as a form of mental release...
So here I am. The stupid date got to me. Don't ask me why Lord Ebizo told me. You'll have to ask him when you eventually see him. If you see him, I think? I'm not sure how much stock I put into the afterlife. You're most likely in hell, if one exists. Or maybe you just don't exist at all anymore...
Ok, that didn't help. I feel worse now, thinking about it. Why the hell should I care anyway where you ended up? You deserve it.
Don't you?
I'm not stupid. Foolish, maybe I'll give you. But I know that not all the blood on your hands was for your own gain. I know you fought in the War. Too young. Like Kakashi-sensei and his team...
I'll admit I didn't want to believe what Chiyo said, that you were the way you were because of the way you were raised in the Sand village. I wanted to think you were just evil and there was no justification for it.
I don't think that anymore. At least the part about you being evil. It doesn't exonerate you. You still made your own choices and destroyed so many lives. But I'm beginning to understand that this world, our world isn't as black and white as I thought...
In other words, against my better judgement, I'm starting to understand you a bit more. I guess it would satisfy you to hear that I'm still clearly thinking about you, about our fight, about what you said at the end, after so much time has passed. You don't have to live forever to leave a legacy behind, you know. I hope, if you are still out there somewhere in an afterlife, that you've realized that.
I can't help but wonder sometimes what if you had made a different choice? What if you had stayed in the Sand? You were brilliant. That's a simple fact. It seems like such a waste. You could have done so much more if you hadn't focused on just yourself.
I know, I know. 'Pointless.' The past is the past. We can't change it. I can't change it. All I can do is keep moving forward and learn from your mistakes.
I suppose I should thank you. Looking back, you were the first opponent I fought that didn't underestimate me. I learned a lot from that fight. It was, still is actually, the toughest fight of my life. All my years of training, of trying to catch up, it all finally paid off. Thanks to you.
I know today is meaningless to you, or it would be if you were still here, but...
Happy birthday, Sasori.
- Sakura