Work Text:
[Garden of Eden. CRAWLY is center-stage; AZIRAPHALE is down-stage right ]
CRAWLY: This day is nice, as all the days have been.
I’ve counted seven since the world began.
But hark! A storm is gath’ring in the East.
Whence through that gate so recently have gone
The garden denizens Adam and Eve.
A somewhat fussy cherub sentinel
Stands watch—but wait and see, he’ll talk to me!
[calls ] Hallooo, Aziraphale!
AZIRAPHALE: [aside ] Oh, dear. It’s him.
The Serpent-Demon sent from Hell below
To cause some trouble here on God’s green earth.
And trouble he hath brought! Right to the rotten
Core of fruit from God’s restricted orchard.
[to Crawly ] Oh, hello, Crawly.
CRAWLY: Hey there! How’s it going?
Well, that went down just like a lead balloon!
But seriously, who says, Do Not Touch
But makes forbidden apples so enticing?
It’s like a set-up! Or a pantomime
Where everybody has a role to play.
AZIRAPHALE: To second-guess ineffability
Is really not a role I wish to take.
There’s Right, and then there’s Wrong. No in-betweens.
And you’re a Demon. You can’t possibly
Know what it’s like to choose the moral course.
CRAWLY: So, where’s your sword? I know you had a sword.
A flaming sword. It flamed like anything!
AZIRAPHALE: Oh dear. You see, I gave it to the humans.
They looked so cold, and frightened of the dark.
Then told them to be gone! Far from this Garden!
CRAWLY: Oh ho! So tell me now, could it be possible
That you have done the Wrong, and me the Right?
That business with the apple—where’s the fault
In knowing evil’s different from good?
[sarcastically ] No, you don’t have to worry for it’s so
Unlikely that an angel could be wrong!
AZIRAPHALE: [totally missing Crawly’s tone ]
I do hope not. But here’s one thing for certain…
[LIGHTNING FLASH, THUNDERCLAP, RAIN STARTS TO POUR ]
AZIRAPHALE & CRAWLY: It’s going to be a dark and stormy night.
[Exeunt ]