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The First One
The first Dean Naomi puts in front of me, I assume it is the real one. I cry, scream, yell at him to run, to get out of there. But I pause, this Dean, so perfect like the one I love, doesn’t bear the mark of my grace. It’s then I realize he’s a fake and what Naomi intends to make me do.
“Kill him, Castiel,” she orders. But I cannot. Fake or not, this is still Dean, my Dean. I shake my head. “Now, Castiel,” she adds. But still I do not move, my arm holding the knife stays still. “Kill him!” She yells, frustrated at how I remain unmoved. Finally she grows too impatient and raises my hand for me, stabbing it into Dean’s chest. I cry out. I know he is fake, that the real Dean is safe on earth but this one looks so much like Dean that my heart shatters as I watch him die.
“It will get easier,” she tells me. I think I nod, but I know that it won’t get easier. Dean is my everything, my life. There is absolutely no way I would hurt him.
The Tenth One
I’ve seen nine other Deans just like the one that stands in front of me. I have not stabbed or harm one of them, not by myself, I’ve needed her assistance each time. She grows impatient as I resist her training.
“Cas, man...I’ve missed you,” this Dean mumbles, coming close. He’s the first Dean to talk to me, perhaps Naomi has gotten better at copying Dean.
“Kill him,” is Naomi’s bored command. She knows I won’t. I have to resist. I cannot and will not kill Dean. Cas come home. We miss you... Dean’s real voice, his prayer rings in my head. I ache to answer, to go home to him. “Castiel,” Naomi grits out raising my hand and stabbing it into Dean’s chest. “Kill him the next time or I will kill you,” she threatens. I wonder if this time she’ll make good on her threat.
The Fifteenth One
I haven’t killed the last five. Yet Naomi doesn’t make good on her threat. “He corrupted you! He is the reason heaven is in ruins!” Naomi yells at me from the other room. Her words are meaningless. Dean did not destroy heaven, I did.
“Cas,” this one says, he smiles, a real huge Dean smile. Like the one he gave me when he found me in Purgatory. And then he does one thing that none of the other Dean’s have done and attacks me. He kicks and punches me until I am a bloody mess, and yet I still don’t fight back. Dean, the real one would never just attack me. Naomi doesn’t know Dean as I know him, therefore she cannot make a perfect copy.
“Kill him!” She screams and I can feel her using her powers to raise my hand. I cannot resist when she makes me do it. She stabs him and he falls on top of me, not yet dead.
“I love you,” this one whispers before he dies. Tears sting my eyes. I’m not sure what angle Naomi is going for but having Dean whisper that - those words make it even less likely I would kill him. Naomi storms over to me, ripping Dean off of me and slaps me hard.
“Kill him next time or I will kill you. There are no more chances. Do as I say. I am fixing you, Castiel. You are broken and it is my job to fix you.” She slaps me hard. “No more chances. I can find a new Angel to fix.”
The Twenty-fifth One
I’ve killed nine other Deans. It hurts every time I stab him. I cry once Naomi releases me to the room she confines me in. They are not my Dean and yet they are and with each last breath they take as I kill them I feel my resistance draining. Naomi is winning. She is fixing me the way she sees fit.
“Cas, please,” this is the first Dean to beg. It gives me back some of my resistance. My Dean would never beg. I push this Dean to his knees, caress his cheek. This one’s eyes aren’t nearly as green, not enough freckles. This is not my Dean, I remind myself as I slit his throat open.
“Next time, no emotions,” Naomi tells me. She’s still not happy with the way I’ve killed the previous Deans. Angels shouldn’t have emotions, Dean had broken down that wall of mine long ago and I don’t want to put it back up. I only nod. When I go back to my room I cry, quietly so Naomi doesn’t hear. I am tired of killing the fake Deans, I don’t understand what purpose Naomi believes this serves. I want to go home.
The Fifty-first One
I’ve killed too many, although the number of fake dead Deans is no where close to the numbers of Angels I killed. Maybe this is Naomi’s intent. Cas man...where the hell are you? I gasp in pain. I ache to answer him. I ache to go home. I don’t like it when Dean prays when Naomi is making me kill him. It hurts too much and although it adds to my resistance of Naomi’s orders it is never enough. It is never enough to stop myself from killing the Dean in front of me. Naomi’s plan to fix me is working and I am losing myself. I am losing the Angel Dean has made me into.
The One Hundredth One
It’s quick and easy now. It’s almost second nature to me as soon as I see the fake Dean. Naomi is not happy still, perhaps she hears me cry at night. I have almost lost myself completely. I cannot break free of her now. She is winning. I fear she will win completely. She intends for me to kill Dean...the real one. I am scared she will succeed in breaking my resistance and feelings for Dean down completely. I don’t remember my Dean. I miss him.
The Five Hundred and Sixty-first One
I am a machine. I am made to find this tablet and protect it. I am made to bring it to Heaven. I am made to kill anyone who comes in my way. I have no hesitation when it comes to killing the fake Dean. Sometimes I forget the Dean is fake.
The One Thousandth One
There are no emotions. I am made to kill Dean. No hesitation. Quick. Effective. Naomi says I am ready. I can feel the tears in my eyes begging to be released but I don’t cry. I am ready. The tears are meaningless. I am made to kill Dean.
The Real One
We have found the tablet. Dean picks it up, this is what I was made for. To kill him. To protect the tablet. To return it to Heaven. Something inside me breaks. I do not kill Dean. I heal him. He needs me. I am his family. Him and Sam need me. Naomi did not think of emotions from my Dean when she made me murder the fake ones. Nothing is compared to my Dean, with my grace branded on him. I could never kill him. I love him. He broke Naomi’s connection. I will return to Dean eventually. I have the Angel tablet and I can redeem myself. To Dean and to Heaven. I will destroy Naomi.