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They said that when you left someone, the first thing you forgot was their voice.
That wasn't true for Choi Beomgyu.
Not when he heard that voice practically everywhere. On the radio, in clothing stores, even on the streets where passing teenagers blasted music from their earplugs. Beomgyu couldn't even complain because the singing wasn't bad. It was beyond incredible. It was drug-like: addictive, beautiful, and dangerous. It could make you forget about the world around you, where your problems were drowned out by a siren's melody.
Fans called the vocalist a "magician" for his captivating performances on stage, where he charmed audiences with his otherworldly voice, subtle hand gestures, and his sharp posture. He knew how to put on a show. And he knew too damn well how to trick innocent bystanders.
Beomgyu would know.
Beomgyu knew details about the "magician" that he himself wasn't aware of.
Because Beomgyu was one of his closest friends in high school. And Beomgyu was his lover in university. And now, Beomgyu was his ex-fiancé.
Yet even after all these years, he couldn't escape that alluring yet destructive voice.
"I'm not going," Beomgyu slammed his drink down with finality. The ice was mainly melted by now, a physical sign of just how long this argument was lasting.
Kai instantly looked like a kicked puppy. Don't look at his face. Turning so that his hair hid Kai from view, Beomgyu took an obnoxiously loud slurp of his soda.
"But why? Hyung, you know you're a crowd favourite. Even Yeonjun-hyung is admitting that he isn't as good with electric guitars as you."
A part of Beomgyu wanted to ask really? But he knew Kai would say anything to get him back. All of them would.
"Kai, you are a literal twenty-first century version of Mozart. You are the best when it comes to any instrument."
"I can't play the drums and guitar at the same time," Kai refuted. Even without looking, Beomgyu could hear the pout in his voice.
"You could if you tried."
"Hyung," Kai dragged out the word with a whine. Beomgyu couldn't help but glance sideways and crap he shouldn't have looked. Stupid Kai and those stupid sparkly eyes.
Well, the damage had been done and all of Beomgyu's other excuses were wiped away. Sighing, Beomgyu turned to face both Kai and the truth. "I don't play anymore. I haven't even touched my guitar since..."
He didn't finish his sentence. He didn't need to. And considering how quickly Kai sobered up, Beomgyu should've known what was coming.
"But you still write," Kai said softly. "And your lyricism is just as good as I remember."
Beomgyu kept silent. It was no secret that he was a wreck once they broke up. Their friends wore themselves thin trying to check up on both Beomgyu and Taehyun without choosing sides. Beomgyu knew that it was hard on them. They had to cancel their band performances for two months just to make sure Beomgyu didn't rot in his bed from dawn till dusk. And probably to make sure that Taehyun was okay as well. None of his friends brought him up when they were together. Beomgyu never asked.
Yet even when his guitar was collecting dust and his desk was the embodiment of Jenga in instant noodle form, Beomgyu found time to write. It was ironic in a way. Even after the break up, Taehyun was still his muse.
And Kai had found out.
It didn't take a genius to.
"Come with us on Saturday. There will be other performances before and after ours, so we'll be forgotten soon enough. Plus, Jisoo-nim always gives musicians drinks on the house, remember?"
Beomgyu could almost smile. Kai was as determined as he was when he first met him, all gangly limbs, dark hair, and in love with music. So in love that he came right up to his seniors when he heard rumours that they were starting a band. Kai went with Taehyun to ask if they were willing to recruit first years. Don't think about him.
"Fine," Beomgyu relented. "But you and I both know that our band is unforgettable."
Kai beamed brighter than the flickering lights of the cheap restaurant they were in. "You're the best, hyung! I promise that you won't regret it."
It had been a while since Beomgyu had put so much effort into his appearance. Most days, he couldn't be bothered, opting to grab the closest, baggiest clothing item he owned and letting his face do the rest. Once, he accidentally grabbed Taehyun's hoodie before burying it in the depths of his wardrobe where it could be forgotten.
This time, Beomgyu had a feeling that something was going to happen. Maybe it was his trust in Kai or his optimistic side was finally starting to show again, but Beomgyu had high hopes for tonight.
He wore a dark shirt that slipped past his collarbones, tucking it into ripped jeans with silver wallet chains. Beomgyu even brought out a plain choker, ignoring the ghostly traces of Taehyun's touch as he put it on. Playing into the silver theme, Beomgyu put on dangling earrings that winked in the moonlight. Instinctively, his hands reached for the small velvet box on his shelf before he stopped himself.
How could you forget?
Stiffly, Beomgyu stepped away and checked the mirror. He looked good. Attractive, even. But his gaze lingered on his bare ring finger for longer than he wanted to admit.
Kai was right. Performing on stage was exactly what Beomgyu needed. He had forgotten how much he missed this. The thrill of stealing a crowd's attention, the familiarity of his guitar beneath his fingers, the pure fulfilment once their set finished and the bar erupted into cheers. It was Beomgyu's first love.
"I can't believe you. It's unfair that you're this good after going on hiatus," Soobin complained as they gathered their equipment to make space for the next soloist.
"You saying hiatus makes it sound like Gyu is some kpop idol," Yeonjun snorted.
Beomgyu grinned. "I could be. I already have the face for it."
"I hate that you're right," Yeonjun grumbled. The fact that he didn't even try to insult Beomgyu just showed how much he missed him. Just as Beomgyu was about to tease his hyung for it, he got a faceful of fluffy hair.
"This was so fun! Thanks for coming, I just knew you'd be great," Kai said, embracing Beomgyu like he was one of his many life-sized plushies.
Smiling in spite of having his ribs crushed like an empty can, Beomgyu rubbed Kai's back. "I should be thanking you. I haven't felt this alive in too long." When Kai withdrew, Beomgyu gave him a look of mischief. "And we haven't even started drinking. If you think that was fun, wait till later."
Kai gave him a smile that could rival the sun itself.
"We don't have to drink to have fun. Just your presence is enough."
Beomgyu's heart softened. He really didn't know how he was lucky enough to find such caring friends.
"Plus, we'd only have fun for about an hour before dragging Yeonjun's lightweight ass out of here," Soobin joked.
Yeonjun threw him a thoroughly insulted look. "I know you're not talking."
"Have you forgotten about when you went drinking with Yoongi-hyung and almost passed out?"
Beomgyu felt his smile falter.
"Hey, you can't compare my alcohol tolerance with Yoongi-hyung's and Ta-" Yeonjun caught himself at the last second, glancing not so subtly at Beomgyu. "Ah, I mean-"
"I'll get the drinks," Beomgyu interrupted with a forcefully cheerful tone.
About five soju bottles later, Yeonjun was on stage again. Watching him perform tipsy was half as mesmerising but twice as entertaining. Soobin left their table to record Yeonjun, but it was probably blurred with how hard he was laughing. Beomgyu made a mental note to ask Soobin for the video later.
A dull thunk sounded beside Beomgyu, rattling their glasses. Mildly startled, Beomgyu looked over his shoulder.
"Kai?"
Mumbling into his arms, Kai stayed slouched over their table, his forehead looking pink beneath his hair.
"What was that?" Beomgyu leaned closer, catching only a single word. Taehyun.
Kai didn't drink often. Similar to Soobin, he liked staying sober to take care of the rest of the members. But Beomgyu must have underestimated just how hard Taehyun leaving had hit Kai. His oldest friend. Kai had fought the most to keep their group together, even when it was bound to break apart.
"Taehyun is busy. Famous idol on tour, remember?" Beomgyu said, frowning at his half empty glass.
A muffled whine followed. "I know that," Kai said. "But he was supposed to be here."
Beomgyu didn't know what to make of that. Did Kai mean that their band was meant to stay together? Or did Kai and Taehyun arrange some kind of meeting without him knowing? Beomgyu figured it was just drunk and sulky Kai rambling, so he ended up draping an arm around him.
"Taehyun still makes time for you. You still have him," Beomgyu reassured him. Whilst Beomgyu didn't have proof of this, he knew Taehyun well enough to be certain that he would never abandon Kai. Even if he had to abandon Beomgyu. Throwing his head back, Beomgyu drank the rest of the alcohol. Each swallow felt like shards.
Beomgyu was on another glass when Soobin and Yeonjun returned, faces glowing with sweat and laughter. Something in his expression must have shown because concern quickly crept onto Soobin's face.
"You don't look so good. Are you guys okay?" Soobin looked between Beomgyu and Kai, who was still slumped over.
"I think this one needs a ride home," Beomgyu rubbed Kai's shoulder. "Do you want to call Lea or should I?"
If anything, Soobin's frown deepened. Even Yeonjun appeared more sober as he glanced at Beomgyu worriedly.
"I'll call her," Soobin said, already dialling her number. "But you're also getting a ride home."
"I'll just take the bus. You already have two drunk members to deal with," Beomgyu pushed himself away from Kai's warmth and the wooden table. His legs wobbled unsteadily beneath him. Beomgyu despised it. Not because of how weak he felt, but because of how he thought of Taehyun. How Taehyun would have helped keep him upright. How Taehyun would have eased the glass out of his grasp to replace it with his own hand.
"I'm not that drunk," Yeonjun lied, grabbing onto Beomgyu's arm. "Or at least, I'm not as drunk as you."
"Nobody's as drunk as Kai," Beomgyu retorted without thinking.
"Both of you need to sit down," Soobin interjected firmly. Beomgyu and Yeonjun sat down, grumbling and glaring at each other. Soobin looked like he wanted to say more but Lea must have answered, as he turned his head to explain that her brother needed to be picked up.
Taking the opportunity, Beomgyu slipped out of his seat.
"Where do you think you're going?" Yeonjun asked.
Beomgyu narrowed his eyes, feeling defensive all of a sudden. "I just need some fresh air. Don't stop me."
"I'll come with you," Yeonjun said, struggling to move around the table. Beomgyu didn't wait for him.
Crisp, wintry air splashed against Beomgyu's face once he left the bar, a refreshing contrast to the stifling heat from inside. His legs were leaden but he could move them, so he dragged himself to the closest bus stop and just breathed. Beomgyu stared at nothing in particular, listening to the passing cars and a woman's heels as she came to wait beside him.
Then a camera shutter went off.
Sobering up slightly, Beomgyu squinted at the nearby lady but her phone wasn't pointing towards him. Instead, it was facing a man across the street, who was wearing a dark facemask and was clearly unaware of his pictures being taken.
What the hell?
Before Beomgyu could say anything, the lady took off. Her heels clacked against the road as she followed him, phone raised and eyes gleaming. Beomgyu stared at her, the cogs in his drunk dazed mind turned ever so slowly.
Huh. That's not right.
Maybe she was a friend. Maybe she was a stalker. Objectively speaking, Beomgyu wasn't any better, since he decided to follow both them as well.
A turn left. A turn right. Another left. A glance over his shoulder. At this point, Beomgyu guessed that the man suspected he was being followed and was trying to catch them out.
It took about a minute before Beomgyu gave in.
"Hey!" Beomgyu shouted, surprising himself by how loud his voice was. He captured both of their attentions, but didn't notice the way the man's eyes widened when they saw him.
Maybe it was because of the alcohol still fresh in his veins, but Beomgyu had absolutely no care for subtlety. Pointing at the woman like a child snitching on another, he bluntly said, "I think she's stalking you."
There was no reaction for a moment. Then the woman rushed off, darting down the road without looking back. It was a miracle there weren't any cars around. Though Beomgyu didn't think having a stalker on the loose was that safe either.
That's that, then.
Beomgyu had just turned around to stumble back to his lonely bus stop when he heard it again.
That voice.
"Beomgyu?"
Beomgyu froze.
Not the distant "Beomgyu-ssi" he'd gotten fresh after their break up. Not the playful "Beomgyu-hyung" he'd heard throughout highschool. But the rare "Beomgyu" he'd get whenever Taehyun was sleepy or flustered or, like now, utterly stunned.
"Tyun?" Beomgyu called back weakly before snapping his jaw shut. It was Taehyun now. Not Taehyun-ah. Not Tyunnie. Not even Tyun.
After a lapse of silence, Beomgyu was convinced he'd been imagining things. Then he heard it again.
"Thank you."
Soft. Sweet. Sincere.
Dangerous.
"Forget about it," Beomgyu muttered bitterly, still not facing him. He couldn't look at those eyes again. He couldn't fuss over him, telling him that he should be more careful and put that wide, attentive gaze to use.
"Beomgyu-ssi." There it was. Calm. Cold. Collected. Beomgyu hated it. "Are you drunk?"
"Why do you care?" Beomgyu spat back childishly.
He didn't even hear the footsteps and jumped when Taehyun's face came into view.
Cursing, Beomgyu flinched away. "Don't scare me like that."
"You used to be able to tell when I was near just by my breathing."
Irrelevant. All of that was irrelevant right now. Why was Taehyun bringing up their past?
"Leave me alone. I'm not in the mood," Beomgyu repeated the lines from one of their oldest arguments. He couldn't remember which of them had said it. Just that it had hurt and he needed it to hurt now.
Beomgyu tried to shove past him but Taehyun caught his sleeve.
"I'm not leaving a drunk person alone at night," Taehyun said firmly. How moral.
Scoffing, Beomgyu glared at his ex. "You had no problem with leaving me behind before."
Even in the darkness, Beomgyu could see Taehyun wince.
"Just-I'm sorry, okay? We can talk once you're safe and at home." A pause. "Do you still live in the same apartment?" Their old apartment.
"Of course, I do. You think I'd move out just because you did?"
Taehyun exhaled sharply. Good. Beomgyu liked to know that he wasn't just an untouchable kpop idol and was capable of experiencing frustration. "Can you stop acting so difficult? I'm trying to help you here."
"I was always the difficult one, wasn't I? You had to put up with me all the time. No wonder you cut me off for fame," Beomgyu snapped, yanking his arm from Taehyun's grasp and stepping off the curb.
He didn't register what was happening until he heard a loud noise blare and red lights spill before him.
Beomgyu was pressed against a chest, the car speeding past where he was seconds ago. Of course cars would drive by when he was crossing but not when a stalker was.
"Shit, don't do that again," Taehyun panted, his hold so tight it was painful. Beomgyu could have pulled away if he tried hard enough. He didn't. Not when he could hear Taehyun's heartbeat going even faster than his own.
Hesitantly, Beomgyu rested his chin against Taehyun's shoulder. The position was so familiar his heart ached, but his eyes stayed onto the road, haunted by what could have been. Finally, he closed them.
"I won't," he murmured, subconsciously wrapping his arms around Taehyun's waist. If he'd been sober, he would have felt that Taehyun had lost weight.
"I won't leave you again," Taehyun said, his tone somewhere between a promise and a prayer. By now, Beomgyu was too far gone to understand the depth of his words. Later, he would remember them in flashes. But here, all he could focus on was Taehyun's pretty voice. It was drug-like. A life long medicine to help Beomgyu recover from his loneliness.
"Talk to me," Beomgyu whispered. It was so quiet he didn't know if he'd just imagined himself saying the words, but Taehyun responded.
"About what?"
"Anything."
Beomgyu didn't need to wait any longer because Taehyun started talking again, whether it was random facts about the world or lyrics for his upcoming album.
Beomgyu had missed Taehyun's voice. More than that, Beomgyu had missed Taehyun. Hearing his voice everywhere was incomparable to having the real person in his arms right now. And Beomgyu had him. Beomgyu had Taehyun. He could worry about everything else once he was sober.