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Chapter Text

……...holy………….. COW
kark at was walking around alternia one day and then………..
He spotted his beautiful and wonderful matesprit, Handia. he loves her very much he ran up to her and gave her a huge sloppy kiss on the cheek, which she readily returned.
he was like “babe i love u very much” and man door handia hook car door “HELLO HANDIA, I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU ,MY SWEAT.”he said as crystal tears rolled silently down his face
handia reached out and caressed brushed the tears away with her long spindely fingers. “i love you karkat. you are my little mr, or in japanuse, krab. and your fingers are something to behold, but mine are better”she streatched out a hand(did her hand legit fucking stretch or what the hell, who knows) and began to pat his face gently . karkat was happy and said “handia. your hands make me very happy. i am glad we are together and in love” “handia, i would like for you to hand me your hands and lets MAKE OUT”. he screeched in his gravely crab voice, which never failed to make Handias kokoro(~stop editing my actually well written bits u meme fucks~) go doki-doki..
EDITORS NOTE X3 RAWR(who the fuck put rawr ill beat your ass into RAWR the *ground*) DIS, IS NY FICTION DON'T LIKETION IT DON'T READTION IT OCK? EDITIOSD NOTE HANDIA IS MY well written and original WIFE SN I HATE THIS FICK RAWR X3.)

EDITORS (shitty)NOTE: I DROPPED MY EDITOR SHE SUX BYEE SHE DOESNT EVEN EDIT OR FORMAT OKOk BYR

>:0 thisis so dumb lmaooooooooOOOOO
BACK GO STORY
LOL
XD
I Hate all of you and i hope we all gRAWR X3 LOVE NYALL ;3cet burned to the ground*deep sigh*
the kraken rose out of the ocean in thisbchapter DONT LIKE dont FOOKING(~watch your fucking language~) read it
(If one more fucking person adds “rawr” into my little rawr notes ill right a fucking make out scene dont test rawr me fuckers)(were all going to hell and i accept it)

Ok so handiest was loving kraken and , she lovd him such much that (i hate all of you)
in a fittof louUVe, she makes out :Oo Except not with tongue but that’s grossw!!! DX But they had a very great fun and passionate makeout. Karkat0kun’s hands were soft on here lips. So soft that she was curious as to how soft his lips would be on her own. Zthis time when she leaned in she…………………. Made out with him on the lips!!

Karkat’s lips were soft against her own as she lost herself in their kiss. In that moment, Handia knew she loved this troll more than any other. She loved him more than all the crystals piled precariously high in her hive, more than her hospital bed or painting her nails. This was her soulmate- more than a matesprit could ever be. She wondered if Karkat could feel it too. Would he come for her when she was in a time of great need? Would he save her? As she ran her tongue over Karkat’s waiting mouth, she knew she

(O AHHH OTPSHUT UPOMG IM SCREAMIGN XDDD)
Handia was lookving this intkaekat screamed because handia stopped rubbing her fingers on his face and the imate moment, but she wanted to go HANDIER. She yanked karksen finger with her long delicate spider oneds and licked it suggestively (OMG GHOTTTT)NO LEMON XD NO SUMT LEMONS SPUR THAT S GROSS LOLso anyway handia was like “RELEASE THE KRAKEN” an kar was like “AHHHHHHHHHHHHH and snapped his fingers and the kraken came out of the alternia seas”
“let me eat ur hand, handia” said.a karkt said tocher, blushing. (~who the fucks adding vore~)
“I want to taste your karats, 2” she smiled. Kinky shit dude(~finally someone else understands~)
mmmmmmmmm karats make me feel vitanin c ahhhhh pleasr he blushed and blushed because his hand was being eaten and hes into that(~get your fucking vore out of my sight~) because hes a sick little fucking pie(kinkyce) og garge shit .karkat likes hand vore anyway karkat was fetting his hand wating AND THEN handiabrougjt of the CRYSTALS, thWHY THE FUCK IS THERE VORE OH MY F seusddenly, u VRISKA APPEARED FROM TH E SKYE and handia neougjt the cryssssstallllllss, YELLING “KARKAT WILL B MIN” Vasaline yelled as she swooped from the skiesx and yelled. “KARKAT ID MY WAIFU.” “NO!” handiayelled “HES MIME”(get it bc her hands are sofdjivbfdiufjo-cashbXIDV) handia took out her crustals from her magical backpack and threa them at varsity.e
(fuckers i hope we all die)(ill add fuckin detail into this shit) oh really ;^) 8^ywatch me bitccccc WATCH UR LANGUAGE >:0 THERE ARE(I AM A CHILD U FUCK)
Wa(im so tired)tch him rollin watch him go watch him rollin watch him gi
VRISKA (vriska) comes in from thebsky and screams at the troll who DARES to touch her forbidden lover and handia BITES KAEKATS FINGE ON ACCIDENT!!!!!!! Bright red blood seeps out of the wound as karkat way ow and handia beats up vaska! using her fnhers and crysters shebsaves the day
Hen nepeta begins to cry tears of regret in the backgroung because she love karkitty:( but shes not aas hot as Hamdia so she never got with KARAKnae With her large hands ((guys WHAT IF AT THE END KARKAT WAKES UP AND DAVES IN BED NEXT TO HIM AND DALIKE “ARE YOU OK” AND KARKATS LIKE “IJJUSST HAD A FUCKED UP DREAM.S(~so we werent doing that in the first place? Shits fucked dude~)”))SHIT UP LIT LMAOOO

(okay but hear me out c r ySTAL HOARDING FOR HER KARKAT-KUN ohohoooooo) after they destroyed vadks kun they begin to make out more when SUDDENLY terpi chan goes in and BUST DOWN THE DOOE :oooKARKA
R GOES TO JANDIAS HIVE AND THERE ARE CRYSTALS (Iswear theres an actual story here soemewhere)r EVERYWHERW AND HANDIA
ISLIKE “INGOT THESE FOR YOU” and KAEKAR BLUSHE AND SAYS “YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE” ans blushes and tales the xrystals and loves thebcrusyals he loves handia and they olay nartuo videogam e even thiugh handia cant hold the remote or press th butrons

Terypzi comes to visit ehre good friend Handia n she syas “woah handia these crystals smell like sakura blossoms!!! >Bo
Karkat says “shut up terexi u nldgelick
er” terwazi is affended but she cries for a little bit then is OK, because leaking liquid out of your eye sockets helps with feelings and emotions,.terepi busrer he goes back to being with his sould mate handia who is very beautiful :3 :3
Terezi bean to sobn imn the bacgeon because handia was hotter than her >:[ and has waaayyy nmore crystalk :( and dave was there becauxe dave is in every fic and he was totally karkaks best bro(™) because yeah dave so lovecd to be a third whel.
Anyways handia ate karkats hands and h3 blecd to death ((ONCELER IS A FURRY))rip necause tjhatd what fuckingf happends when you eat hands you nasty fricking hecking fOOLS gosh DANG dIDLFY DARNhe bleeds soto death
Do we have to read all of this fricking me(~yeah we do~)ss
karkats yfuneral wa s n itw days and handia couldnt wait to attend, eveb tho she was REAL sad. tw fucker, she often blamed herself for things but this took the cake.
Stop f uk ing killing karhes dead.kat okay!!” said handoia. She was at the funeral now and reachewd out her slender fingers ton stronk the slin on he r love’s face.
“How can I ever love again’ she scre med loudly .
Karkat s dead u fricks dave was @ the funeral and he is br(ok)en KARKATS DEAD.
KAEKAT ISNT DE WE KILLED ADOFFhe diedM OF WHAT dave misses kraken and wants to date handia
STOP
HE ISNT DEAD STOP TELLING LIES
Hes dead sorr
HE DIED OFF BLOOD LOSS AFYER HABDIA BIT HIS FINGERy guys wrap it u
HE AUNR DEAD STOP
p OKAY so handia attended the funeral and cried real tears while get new boyfrienf
s fgs dave klies hand I mean likes
Gamxxze because she is a bad girl >;))))))) ) )) ) ) comforte eher and they both ate slime pie nan vored their hands the endGAMZEE DOESNT EXIST TTeh

Then Karkat woke up. Ar karkat It was a dream he didnt actually die HAHAHAHHAHAHAH AND FELL BACK ASLEEP
HOLLA HOLLA get DOLLA

THIS SHIT IS BANANASNBDO THE ACAVDADO GUACAMOLE GUAC GUAC AMOLE duuuuude A M A A
NAS SMASH THE BANANA SMASH SMASH BANANA
BYE FUCKERS AAAAA
THE SGTO
RY IS FUCKING OVER
Can we continue
GOODBYE
YOU
PE YOU LIKES BE SURECLTO LEAVE KUDOS X3c
MAK
LIKE THE VIDc\EO COMMENT THE VIDEO AND SUBRIVES FORSTOP UR CRITIKAL REFERENCES U MEME MORE VIDEOS wjatexcuese meSURE TO LIKE COMMENT AND SUBSCR
FOR MORE GOOD STUDFF LIKE THIS ;)))))) ))))) )) )) ) )

the last part is serious.you know it is bc there’s punctuation (~ fuck yo do what i want~) (~help my serious bit got taken by the fucking memers~)w

iI can't rlly help but it IS annoying
(~Karkat woke up with a start in his bed and lay there staring at the wall~)(~cant i write a note in peace~) Jk idc I. WANT. YOU. LOVE ME HATE ME FUCK ME I DONT CARE (ily handia) (u a babe)
Dude this is some kinky shit there are kids here dude
WHAT KIKY SHIT WHERE THE MINORSACARE THE PROBLEMa

(~ you ok, KK?, a voice said beside him. His blood went cold as he whipped his head to his side and saw erisolsprite laying there with a concerned look. As he screamed the world went dark~)
(~waking up with a start must be a new trend ‘cause HO BOY Karkats been doing a lot of that lately. Instead of waiting for a voice he cautiously turned his gaze to his side and saw

Dave, asleep, with his face turned towards him he could just make out his resting facial features in the dark. With the now known fact that dave was ok and not in some fucked up, badly written vore, Karkat smiled softly and closed his eyes~)

DAMN AIGHT(~shsss im not done ive got this~)
DONT DELETE ANYTNING ILL DIE
INSW

And it was all a…………… DRaem!11 the end !!!!!! FOR REALSIES GUYS

(karkat’s not fuckinng deadf you preps MAKE ME BELIEVE HE’s DEAD. HE ISNNOT DEAD )

~the end~
Don’t forget to leave reviews comments and kudos and suck my asWHAT THE FUCK

SAMN I WAS SL SCARED

Afuck my dudesNOPOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT THE FUCK WHYG YY HDVHBEUGHOZwiDAGSUYW SAMNAIGHT GF\ ok good thank god for ctl ziknow(ONCELOR IS A FURRY) rigth yeah

One night………………….. Daves apple juice disappeared and it was handia h

IT WAS HANDIE CHUGGING IT WITH LARKAT RAKING AJ SHOTS cried top no

lisTEN STaES
STOP SOMEONE XONTROL Z

THIS IS THE END ALL OUR HARD WORK

SOMEONE FONTROL Z OBSWAERBTOBTGOD fucking rip(~ im

abo to beat someones ass

WWho

IM GONNA KICK SOMEONES ASS IN ABOUT THREE SEDONDS
nooooo
$What the fuck is a karkat$

Motherfuc k
the fuuck
IM ABOUT TO WHOOP SOMEONES ASS
NO Noooo you DONT
(IS KARKAT GAY OR EUROPEAN)
ILL SHUT PFF EDITING IF I HAVE TO THIS OS GONNA GONON ARCHIVEOFOUROWN

Dude u all know were putting this all on the fanfiction
Tx3~HE ENlisten up you shits stop the fuckin shit my dudes jesus christ

~ITS ALL ONCELERS FAULTNONIT’s not~
onceler is a furry

THIS IS ALL GOING IN THE FANFIC WTF YEAH
;) this is AWFUL

Oh my fucking god.
I know right
STOPFUCKING SWEARINGI
Stop swearing there are kids ;)nah

who is putting it on ao3 it’s not gonna be me
Fuck the kids
Dont actually fuck any kids
THE END GO HOME.
stop editing we mgotta post it
Oh my fgod STIOP WE GOTTA POST whos gonna take it to ao3
someone copy paste itnand tag it withhandiabamd snop discord and those are the only tags

,not me i try to stay away from that sitei post i
SOMEONE PUT IT ON FANFICTION.NET THEN I DONT KNOW HOW ITNWORKSinto my notesjesus christ guyss

If anything it should be on fanfiction.net true…….

Someone made it fucking yell
THAT WAS MEEEREow agaIN
this will all be in the FIC right
bc I really want our bickering to be in it
(~whoever keeps changing the font color i ask you to step away from the fic and turn off your electronic~)vdamn
((I think we shouldve made separate fics and had someone read and judge them lol))
Yellow is hard to look at ://// thats why i made it white. Yellow is offenciVE
no yellow text there arw minors here
FUCK OUR EDITOR
Nah my dude, we pose all of this all of it. It’ll look like a
Fucking trainwreck just liek the discord
our editor is likebreally good okya itMs great add ur names at the bottom

BY, SNOP DISCORD ACTUALLY(~ is it really a good idea to be telling them where to send hate to~)//yeah send us hate//
;)onceler is a furry NO IM NOT YES U ARE M8 FUCM U
IS ONCELER A FURRY OR EUROPEAN
(BOTH)
~Here come dat snop~
=Terepy=
Human bean
nOICE (~i hope we all get murdered while writing this~)

Im postING IT GUYS FUCK
what's wrong m8
Add your usernames on the list bro dudes.
i keep gettin called a furry (~fuck you do what i want~)
no homo but oncelor is a furry
STOP ADDING WE GOTTA POST jk idrc do what u want thiis is awful do not pull a doc scrath and type in white NO WHOTE TEDtT ILL DIE FORM SADNESS

I must wait 12 houRS(~fuck you mean 12 hours the public demands their badly written vore~) BEFORE I POST THIS BECAUSE FANFICTION.NET SUCKS ASS LETS PUT THE SHIT ON WATTPAD INSTEAD. I have an o3 with no posts on it dude put it on wattpad

POST IT ON O3 (~fuck you stop making my notes black~) (~ i honestly hope we all get murdered for this~)

wtf you saying man we cant see(~ good fucker~) ya text i suddenly understand jack shit
real nice just nice
haha i win anonymous rabbit
rR WAS HERE AND ONCELER ISA FURRY(~ i want death~)
FURRY ;)

(~ guess who has the last laugh fucker~)
FUCK YOU RABBIT (~guess you could say i’m The White Rabbit~)yvore acutally a jackalope now asshat (~guess im a jackassolope then~)ok you get points for that one
FUCK YOU (~keep making my notes black and well see whos laughing~)

BRUH
BRUH
SO CIOL
SO COOL
SO COOL
SO COOL
SO COOL
SO COOL
SO COOL
SO COL
SO COOL
so cool

STIP DDUDEDS I M SERIOUS I CSNT READ IT WHEN ITS WHITE the fuck you doinIM TRYgthis is a fuckin mess, yall

Yall fucked this up so bad omf

Great googly moogly its all gone to shit. AAAAAA

(~i hope we get arrested so we may never take a glance at the internet again~)

Chapter Text

(~Chapter 2: the one that i start writing cause you assholes r all meme loving fucks~) lmaoooooooooooo
Karkat gazed at the door as he waited for his matesprit, Handia Von Handian, to arrive at his house. After the incident with Terezi and Vriska, and im pretty sure there was an erisolsprite somewhere in there but idk, Handia had been much more protective and refused to visit Karkats home less than 6 times a week, this was one of the days where she did.
(~ alright fucks i have Chapter 2 started go ahead and add on so we can ruin it again~)
Is this still a thing(~ better still be a thing we ride together we die together~)
True my dude god i hate how it capitalizes the firstword fuck uck shtifuxk fuck , anyways this has been real fun

tri

AUTHOR COMMENTS PLACE AND SHIT

So you may or may not have guessed by now, but this was a prank fic. We are all laughing our asses off about this marvelous shitpost and we think you should too. blah blah blah heres us confirming we are indeed telling the truth yada yada although we dont need to tell you that shit

Please form offen the love of god do not type in white please (~ do what i want fucker~)
If we post this they cant see the white text so WHAT DID I TELL YOU (~you told me 2 change who i am just for this,,,,ided
yeah but i can see the white and its annoying
bruh really
im rr and oncelor is a furry
I’m a human bean and i am cute
Im jackassalope and i hate all of you
Y'all gotta finish imma post it now I wrote like one line btw no death to me ok

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