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Alma almost recalls the first time she ever met Jack. He was real sweet; sat down to eat with them, helped her mom with the washing up, told them stories about his adventures as a rodeo. Though how much was true, they were all suspicious; but the girls were taken in by Jack's charm and willingness to engage with them, a welcome change from their often busy father and tired mother.
Over the years, Alma felt she and Jenny built up a good relationship with their father's friend. They didn't have many relatives, and he was their father's closest friend. They affectionately nicknamed him Uncle Jack.
He came regularly to spend a night with them, usually every month, cooking good food and playing games after - they'd plead with their parents let them stay up.
When Alma Jr.'s mom and dad divorced, she felt sad, angry and confused. No one would tell her exactly why the split happened, and she couldn't help feeling somehow it was to do with her. Worse, Jack would have been an excellent reassurance to her and Jenny, but for some reason their mother banned him and all mentioned of him from the house. Thus, for a while, the girls didn't see him or their father, which deeply upset them.
And then came that day when they'd gone down to stay with their dad for a week or so, and there he was. Jack had pulled up, started talking to Ennis about the divorce. Alma and Jenny had missed him greatly.
The older girl heard her father decline Jack's company on account of her and Jenny. She got out of the car and went over to them.
"We want Jack to stay, Daddy. Can't he? Please?"
Jack had grinned, trademark and wonderful to see after a long time of not seeing him. Ennis sighed, folded his arms.
"I'll cook you something decent?" the dark haired man offered, amused.
So Ennis had given in (of course), and now Jack is staying with them for the week. It's lovely, just like the old times. Jenny is very happy, both the girls more lively than usual.
When Alma gets home from school two days into the week, she notices her dad and Jack arguing through the window. She opens the door and they quickly spring apart. They don't discuss it after that, but Alma mentions it to her sister late that night.
"Jack and Daddy were arguing," she tells her softly, watching the moon out the window.
"Aw," Jenny says softly. "I don't want it to be like home. Folks arguing all the time. I like how everyone gets along here."
"I know," the older girl tells the dark. She gets up for a glass of water, and on the way, notices her father's bedroom door is open. Putting her face to the gap in the doorway, she is certainly shocked at what she sees, a jolt of disbelief shooting through her.
Her father and Jack are asleep together, curled up under the covers in the same bed. Ennis has his arms protectively round his friend, and Jack's back is pressed against Ennis' chest. Their breathing is in time, and absently in his sleep, her father strokes the exposed skin of Jack's belly.
Remembering to breathe, but desperately trying not to wake them up, Alma creeps back to her room, trying to make sense of what she has seen. She doesn't tell her sister, who is snoring lightly. She lies down again, glass of water forgotten, and wonders if Jack and Ennis are sinners, or as she reasons with it, if they are just two people that deserve to be together.
The next morning, after fitful rest, Alma vows to ask one of them about what she saw. She chooses Jack as the more reasonable, emotional one, the person least likely to get mad or be upset or just ignore her. All morning she thinks about how she'll put it, how she'll try to understand the mess of their relationship.
"Jack, can I have a word?" Alma settles on, finding him alone with his coffee since Ennis left for work and Jenny left early to meet a friend to school.
"Sure, Al, what's up?"
She looks away for a second. "I'm gonna tell you something and you gotta promise not to freak out, okay?"
"When have I ever 'freaked out?'" he counters, grinning.
"I'm serious."
"Fine. I promise."
Alma exhales sharply. She hesitates, closes her eyes. "I know about you and my dad."
Jack feels himself go into a sort of mini-shock. He has to support himself on the kitchen counter so he won't fall. Alma is watching him.
"Please don't tell anyone," is all he can think to whisper.
She huffs. "Like you didn't tell me? Like my dad didn't tell me after years? Behind my mom's back?"
He looks ill. "I'm sorry-"
"I walk in two weeks ago and I'm seein' you two asleep on each other in the same damn bed and I'm thinkin', how long has this been goin' on?"
He suddenly realises it's an actual question, and his expression turns pleading.
She shrugs, waits expectantly and unforgiving.
"Over a decade," he says quietly.
She slams her hand on the counter.
"All this was goin on, right under my nose, and y'all didn't think I'd find out?"
"Alma, I-"
"No! You don't get to make excuses," she interrupts angrily.
"Do you have any idea how dangerous this is?" Jack exclaims desperately. "We could be killed for just being seen together. We couldn't tell you. We just couldn't risk it."
"You think I'd have gone round tellin' people about it?" Alma shouts. "I thought you knew me better than that, Jack! I came to trust you."
"Alma."
"Don't say that!"
"I know you're angry, and I know you hate me-"
She pauses, looks somewhat regretful, puts a hand to her mouth. "Christ," Alma says. "I don't hate you."
"Alright, then. You feel sorry for me. You pity me, or somethin'. Think I'm sick?"
She folds her arms and stares at him for a long moment. "I'm real angry right now," she tells him. "Not for the reason you think. You just made it worse, though."
He sighs, gives her a pleading look.
"I'm gonna ask you a question. I want you to answer honest. And rest assured I won't tell no one, alright?"
"Alright."
"Do you love my Daddy?"
He freezes.
"Do you love him?" she repeats impatiently.
Jack's stomach flips. Yeah, I love him. I love him more than anything else in the whole world. I'd die for him.
"I..."
Alma gives him a look that says, very plainly, don't you dare make a mistake here.
He takes a deep breath. "Yeah. Yeah, I love Ennis."
She nods, satisfied. "Now listen, you dummy. How could I hate you when you love him like that? How could I? I know he loves you, too. I don't care that you're both guys... I ain't never seen my Daddy as happy as he is when he's with you."
Jack feels tears in his eyes but forces them away.
"And hey," she mutters, expression softening. "How long I known you, huh? How long you been my Uncle Jack, and treated me like your own? I couldn't hate you just for lovin' someone now, could I?"
"Means a lot, Alma," Jack manages eventually, chest tightening with emotion.
She grins, ruffles his hair like the cheeky kid she is. "You best go and tell Ennis what you jus' told me."
"Rather keep my limbs, 'f it's all the same," he replies, gloomy yet wry.
"Go on," she chides, and then she's out the door, school time and all that. He wonders how he's going to manage not letting her down. It plagues him all day. He's restless; uneasy, until Ennis gets home and his discomfort is magnified tenfold.
"Ennis," Jack greets him with a hand on his shoulder. Nothing else- he doesn't know the mood his partner is in, and if the girls are watching.
"Hey," Ennis says softly, offering a tired smile. He settles down on the sofa, chats to Alma and Jenny about their day at school while Jack brews him a coffee.
They sit together, not too close but almost touching, sipping their drinks and listening to the girls talking animatedly.
"We're doin' poetry at the moment," Alma announces.
"Yeah? Jack here is good at poetry. What d'ya call it... yeah, he's the romantic type. Love songs 'n all that," Ennis tells her, deeply amused. Jack thumps him.
"Really?" Alma asks excitedly. "I'd love to hear some."
"You darn wouldn't," her dad says darkly.
Jenny's late home from school but gets there in time for dinner. They all sit at the table, like one mismatched but loving family, eating together and talking like how it should be.
"This girl got in real trouble 'cause she climbed on top of the school roof and couldn't get down," Jenny sniggers, "and she was up there for two hours!"
"I did that when I was a kid," Jack laughs.
"Why?!"
"Some boys were chasin' me and I was a scaredy-cat so I jumped up on the bins and only place I could go from there was the roof."
"Did they get you?"
"'Course not," Jack grins proudly, then turns sheepish. "But I got stuck. And when I got home my father gave me a real thrashin'."
The girls make sympathetic noises. Ennis just snorts.
They finish their dinner quickly - Jack's a way better cook than Ennis, who always burns the food. It's getting late, the sun is starting to set. Jenny and Alma bid them goodnight and go off to read in their joint bedroom. This time, it's a classic book. They take it in turns to read it aloud to each other. Sometimes Jack will read, but Ennis just likes to watch him.
Eventually, they hear the lights click off in the girls' room. It's quiet.
Finally, it's just the two of them. Jack feels his stomach churn in anticipation.
"Ennis?"
The other man grunts in response from his position looking pensively out the window.
"Got something I needa tell ya."
Ennis turns to face him now. His expression is unreadable, but head tilted to the side, inviting him to continue. The late evening sun infiltrating the glass illuminates his golden curls and turns the light in his eyes to caramel-whiskey. He's fuckin' beautiful. Jack's heart hurts.
"You won't git mad?"
"I'll see after y' say it," Ennis answers warily.
Jack suspects that's all he's gonna get for now. He takes a breath and says the jumbled words as fast as he can. "I mean, I don't expect nothin' in return. But, I- I jus' wanted you to know. I, uh- I love you."
Ennis' face doesn't change, and he is absolutely still.
Jack feels his heart sinking.
"What did you say?" Ennis murmurs.
"I said I love you."
Quick as lightning, Ennis has him by the collar and is pulling him up.
"What the fuck?"
"Ennis-"
"Don't you fuckin' 'Ennis' me, you idiot. What you sayin' that shit for, huh?"
"Because I do-"
Ennis' fist slams into his stomach. Too hard. Jack doubles over in pain.
"You don't love me. You jus' like the feel of my dick in your ass. Don't say that again, you fuckin' queer."
Jack feels panic and anger rising up inside him, intense and overwhelming. "I love you!" he shouts, throat raw. His face gets hit, this time; avoiding the shattering of bone but feeling red wetness trickle down onto his lip from his nose anyhow. The tears come without his permission.
"The fuckin' is one thing," Ennis pants, hands clenched tight by his sides. "But this... this could get us killed. Are ya stupid, Jack Twist?!"
Jack, with a lot of pain, struggles to stand upright. He stumbles closer, knowing he'll just be hit again.
"If lovin' someone makes me stupid," he rasps, "then yeah. Hell, I'm the stupidest boy in all a Texas."
"Stop fuckin' sayin' it!" Ennis yells, grabbing hold of Jack's hair and yanking down hard.
"Never," he whispers, licking blood from his mouth.
Ennis lets go. He turns around, picks up a mug and throws it hard as he can into the wall, sending it into millions of pieces.
His breathing is ragged and he passes a hand over his eyes.
Jack slumps to the floor, pain a dull throb in his stomach and face, but none of that compares to the emotional pain he's feeling right now. Fuckin' queer.
He leans his head back against the wall, and that's when he spots Alma.
She looks faintly sick, but also determined. Ennis turns to see her watching him, an expression like a storm brewing on her face. Real reminiscent of her dad, Jack thinks bitterly. He hasn't the strength to act for her anymore. Or Ennis, or himself for that matter.
"How long y' been here?" her father asks quietly.
"Long enough," Alma replies icily. She ignores him and goes straight over to Jack.
"I'm so sorry," she whispers, wiping away the blood of his nose with a tissue.
He manages a broken smile. "My fault, not yours."
She's shaking. With fear, with anger? Who knows.
"Ain't your fault," Alma tells him, louder now so Ennis can hear. "'S the fault of the cruel, cruel man that denies your love just 'cause he's too scared."
"Alma," Ennis says roughly. Both their heads turn quickly to face him- they've learnt how to read Ennis del Mar well enough to hear that isn't just anger in his voice. Something deeper. Something frightened, anxious and pleading.
"What do you know?"
She huffs. "I know you been with Jack for years and that he's been in love with you f'r all of it."
Ennis exhales, shaky.
"And I know that I feel sick that this is how you repay him."
"Darlin'," her father shakes his head. "We can't. Guys can't do that. It's too easy to end up beaten to death in some ditch because no one else understands."
"I understand," she tells him. Ennis rubs an exhausted hand over his mouth.
Jack is crying again. He's overwhelmed.
All of a sudden, Alma stands up.
"Don't you hit him again, Daddy," she says, quiet but warning. "Sort this out, f'r me if not him."
Jack admires her so, so much. He wished he'd had the words to talk back to his dad, when he was a kid.
She walks out, back to bed, leaving the two men alone.
Ennis looks torn. After a moment, he comes and settles a little closer to Jack.
"I'm awful sorry I hurt you," he says, all gruff and barely audible, but Jack gets butterflies in his stomach like that first day and fresh tears spill. He's never cried in front of Ennis before.
"Me too," Jack whispers, voice cracking.
Ennis lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding and pulls Jack onto his lap, gentle, mindful of his hurts both physical and emotional.
"Bein' with you, Ennis del Mar -It's like ridin' a real temperamental bull," Jack murmurs. "One second, you think you're okay; you're doin' real good. And then the next, you're bein' thrown an' crushed and broken. But-" he sighs. "Y' just can't figure out what y' did wrong."
Ennis curls his arms round his partner's midriff. He nuzzles Jack's neck and kisses his jaw. "Y' didn't do nothin'," he mumbles. "I was scared. I'm sorry. It's no excuse. I jus'... world ain't no place for men t' be lovin' each other. Don't want you dead. I couldn't take that."
Jack shifts to kiss him properly. He tastes like blood and salty tears.
"I don't care," Jack says against his lips, determined as hell. "I love you. And I won't stop, even if it kills me."
"You're a piece o' work, Jack Twist," Ennis mutters irritably. After a tense second, he kisses him again, deeper this time, biting his lip and running his tongue over teeth. Jack gasps.
"I'll say this once," Ennis growls. "Once, unless you really, really deserve it."
Jack swallows, mouth dry.
"I love you too."
There's a long moment, in which the whole world stops, and the cogs in both their minds are turning slow, trying to comprehend what's happened.
"Can't believe you jus' said that," Jack says eventually, voice empty but with a hint of incredulity.
"Me fuckin' neither," Ennis grumbles. And then something clicks, and they're laughing, crying almost, giggling.
"Jus' wanna keep sayin' it, y'know? Amount o times I thought it... all the time. When we're fuckin', when I'm suckin' you, when you fall asleep with me, when I can jus' watch you."
Ennis has this faint smile on his face as Jack talks.
"When you said you ain't queer, and I said me neither- I weren't lyin'. I had men fuck me, sure... that's how we got into this mess, 'cause I wanted you t' touch me that way- but I ain't never felt for them what I felt for you. I ain't felt it for a woman, neither. It's jus' you, Ennis. Goddammit, I love you."
Ennis snorts. Jack pokes him and watches him, unashamedly adoring, with blue, blue eyes.
"Stop that," the blond man says half-heartedly, lazy grin creeping up on his face.
"You know, Alma came an tol' me earlier that she knew about us," Jack mumbles.
"An' I was pretty damned nervous. But she was good," he sighs. "Real good about it. Said she could never hate me jus' for lovin' you, that she don't care that we're guys. You raised her good, Ennis. You did."
"I know," he whispers, filled with silent gratitude for his beautiful daughters and beautiful lover. Ah, fuckin' Jack Twist, with his poetry. Rubbing off on Ennis in personality and literally everything else.
"Wish the whole world was like her," the darker haired man remarks wistfully.
"Well, it ain't," Ennis answers, a little snappy, but needing Jack to understand how dangerous the situation is. "So keep your soppy love shit private, 'tween you an' me."
"Sure thing, honey cakes."
That earns him a slap, and he's chuckling. That sound makes Ennis' stomach flip. Jesus Christ, he's got it good for that damn guy.
"You wanna go to bed?" Jack asks him.
"Want you," Ennis murmurs sleepily, uninhibited.
He can't help but feel a deep affection at Jack's happy, typical grin.
They go to bed together, feeling free. Feeling content, like it's all gonna be okay.
Ennis throws an arm round Jack and tugs him close as he can be, kisses the dip of his collarbone and trails gentle fingers over his stomach. Jack hums contentedly, turns to kiss Ennis goodnight.
"Night, Ennis."
"Night, Jack."
"Love you."
Ennis bites back a snort, just runs his thumb over Jack's cheek instead. "Think you mighta told me that before," he says dryly.
Jack laughs.