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Stella felt a sense of sudden relief, joy, fear, a mix of unexpected emotions. The moment Hannah told her she was pregnant her world stopped for a moment. She was listening to her friend while she was explaining that it was probably too early last time, that there was a mistake in her old blood tests... but her mind was somewhere else, her mind went back to that horrible day.
"Losing a pregnancy this early on is fairly common", those words hit her like nothing before.
Something broke inside her that day. She felt she had disappointed Kelly in so many ways. Of course she was the one to blame, she thought, it was her fault after all. She was the one who had lost their baby.
The happy image of her husband with the positive pregnancy test haunted her for days, weeks. She couldn't even think about it without crying. She couldn't talk about it. In fact, they never touched the topic after that day. It hurt too much, both of them. They tried to overcome the pain by helping Isaiah, it happened so fast, and it was actually working some days. They weren't sure that was the right time but they felt better.
But the pain was always there, hidden inside their broken hearts. The unspoken truth that only they knew.
A few weeks passed, they settled into their routine. Isaiah, Firehouse, Molly's. And repeat. They were in a kind of limbo. Neither of them wanted to open that conversation. They were fine, they kept saying it. But they weren't. How can someone be fine after such a loss? The pain was still too much.
Sometimes she found herself thinking about how happy she was when she found out she was pregnant, when she told Kelly... they had spent a perfect week in their bubble imagining their lives with their baby. A week where Kelly switched from husband to extra worried and protective dad-to-be. He was the happiest man in the world. But it was just a week... A beautiful memory now lost forever. Or that's what she thought.
She had felt more tired lately but she had blamed it on the very long shifts they were working at 51. She loved watching Kelly and Isaiah play videogames but she really couldn't keep her eyes open. But she just ignored the thing.
Halloween was just around the corner and she was so excited to help Isaiah for his party. But something was different that morning, she couldn't really tell what. She had a hard time waking up, a slight headache... she blamed it on work again.
"Ready to go? It's late, Isaiah has already left for school. I know you love our bed but you should really get up now", Kelly entered their bedroom finding her still undressed.
"Are you okay, babe?"
"Yeah, don't worry Kelly. I'll get dressed now. Can you get my coffee ready please?"
Kelly wasn't really convinced but he didn't insist.
The ride to work was silent, Stella was lost in her thoughts when Kelly asked again "you sure you're okay?"
"Stop asking, I'm fine. I'm just thinking about Isaiah, he said he doesn't want to do the trick-or-treating thing", she said with a serious disappointed face.
Kelly laughed, finding her even more adorable. He couldn't believe his wife's bad mood was due to Halloween and some candies.
As the hours passed Stella felt better. She forgot about that morning and how she lied to Kelly when asked if she was okay. She preferred not to tell him that she felt a little nauseous and dizzy. "We work too much", that was her only explanation. She had no reason to think it was anything else.
She clearly didn't imagine her day would end at Med.
The first thing she saw when she regained consciousness on the gurney was Kelly's worried face and Violet and Novak who were trying to help her breathe. She only remembered she couldn't breathe while trying to save that poor man on the ground.
She stayed on the gurney for a few minutes while her friends were monitoring her oxygen level. She never let go of Kelly's hand. He was her rock, her safe place. And she knew Kelly needed this too. Physical touch was their thing after all. They calmed each other down, and Kelly never took his eyes off her.
She felt better pretty quickly and sit up, trying to reassure everyone that she was fine.
When the hazmat squad arrived Kelly left her side for the first time since he had carried her to the ambulance. He knew he had to be checked too, as all the other firefighters. Toxic gas was no joke.
When they were clear to go he went to check on his wife again, all he could think about was her and how he had nearly lost her again.
"You got out just in time", as he heard Novak his heart missed a beat. He tried to remain calm, professional, they were at work after all. But the fear of having almost lost her was still there. He will never get used to this feeling.
"You should go to Med for observation."
He knew Stella would try to convince him that she was okay, but he didn't care. Being sure she's fine is always his priority, the only thing that matters, since the moment he laid his eyes on her more than 10 years ago.
"I'm fine"
"You're going."
Stella didn't even try to argue, she knew Kelly probably needed it more than she did, he needed the reassurance.
Novak was driving the ambulance, she was with Violet. Her friend kept an eye on her all the time, ready for any eventuality.
"You scared the hell out of me Stella. When Kelly said you were unconscious... I've already lost too many good friends in my life, I can't lose you too."
"Vi, I'm fine I promise", Stella gave her a reassuring smile and took her hand, silently thanking for having such an amazing friend in her life.
"And I love Halloween too much to die before our night at Molly's"
Violet shook her head smiling. She squeezed her hand back, so grateful that Stella was okay.
Stella hadn't told her about the miscarriage yet. She was her best friend but she couldn't find the courage. It would have made it more real and she wasn't ready. And besides that was certainly not the right time, she didn't want to worry her friend even more.
Violet and Novak left Stella at Med, they had just received another call. But they promised to return as soon as possible.
While Stella was waiting on her hospital bed her phone rang. She knew who it was even before looking at the screen.
"Hey babe, how do you feel?"
"I'm fine Kelly, I told you, don't worry about me, you have a whole Firehouse to manage."
"You know I would prefer to be there with you, it kills me not being there."
"Hey don't, it's nothing, you would get bored here."
"I'm never bored when I'm with you."
Stella could feel the worry in his voice, and tried multiple times to reassure him that everything was okay, that was just a scare, nothing more. She could breathe perfectly and her oxygen levels were optimal. She was just waiting for the blood tests. Actually, she was the one who was getting bored so hearing from his husband was a real lifesaver.
"I'm going to ask Cruz and Mouch to cover for me so I can come and pick you up"
"No babe, don't worry. Violet said they'll give me a ride back. Stay there, I'll see you at the Firehouse. It's just... I hate waiting for some damn tests when I know I'm completely fine. And their coffee sucks."
"Oh wow, my wife is also a doctor now, how lucky I am.", Kelly smiled for the first time that night imagining her wife with her annoyed beautiful expression.
He was missing her, he just wanted to hug her and forget about that scare. She was his whole life. But he also knew he had certain responsibilities now that Pascal was away. But again he hated being away from her, especially at that moment.
Stella was about to ask him how Vasquez was doing when Hannah knocked on the door.
"Babe I have to go, I'll see you soon. I love you."
"Okay Stel, love you too."
Hannah entered the room with her usual beautiful smile on her face and Stella immediately felt happier when she saw her friend.
"Hey girl, how are you? I know you've been waiting for hours but I finally have your blood tests so you can go home."
"Oh finally. Thank you, Hannah. No offence but I hate hospitals and I need a good coffee asap."
Hannah knew how bad the coffee was and they both laughed.
"So, listen, you're probably wondering why I'm the one who came to talk to you." Hannah looked more serious now.
"Is everything okay?", Stella was getting a little worried since she hadn't even thought about it.
Hannah just smiled at her friend.
"Yes, definitely. They really got you out of the gas in time, the tests are almost perfect."
"Almost? Does this mean I can't go home yet?"
"Actually... there's something else, something – or someone – we need to see before you leave."
Stella didn't know what to think, she was just confused. If her tests were fine, why didn't they let her go? Who were they supposed to see? Another doctor?
Hannah noticed that her friend was starting to get worried and simply decided to break the news to her.
"Stella, you're pregnant."
And she said that with her most beautiful smile, the smile of a friend who's genuinely happy and excited for her friend.
Stella remained still, without reaction. Just pure shock. How. When. It's impossible. It's too soon after what had happened...
Hannah got closer to Stella, a little worried after her reaction. She took her hand and she looked at her with an apprehensive look.
"Hey, are you okay?", she tried to use the most loving tone she could. She knew well how scared she was feeling.
Stella really appreciated her kindness and after a few minutes of silence she told her everything that had happened a month before.
Hannah reassured her over and over again that she was indeed pregnant, that the tests were correct. At this point Stella didn't understand anything anymore, she just couldn't explain it, and she found herself lying down while Hannah was doing an ultrasound.
Hannah kept her big smile while looking at the monitor. Stella forgot how to breathe for a few seconds.
"Oh honey... you never lost your baby" and she turned the screen towards her.
Stella was crying at this point. She wasn't even sure what she was looking at, everything was blurred.
"That, that's a very healthy baby Stella. I'd say 11 weeks. So yes, you've been pregnant all this time. Your baby has always been with you."
Hannah was with tears too, it was a very emotional for both of them.
The moment Stella heard the heartbeat the world stopped for a moment. Only she and her baby existed. And she felt it, this new feeling of pure, genuine love. The huge boulder on his chest disappeared after a long time. She felt light for the first time since that horrible appointment with her doctor. She felt like she could breathe again.
Hannah gave her some pictures or her baby and reassured her that the toxic gas had done no damage and there were no consequences.
Another weight lifted from her heart.
She was fine. Their baby was fine.
Hannah had to leave for an emergency and Stella found herself alone again. Well, she had never been alone. And this made her smile.
She kept the picture in her hand, she couldn't stop staring at her baby. She decided to call Kelly to let him know everything was okay and that she was leaving the hospital.
She found Violet and Novak waiting for her, so grateful to have them in her life. After a quick hug and some reassurances that she was fine they finally left.
The first thing Stella did after returning to the Firehouse was go straight to his husband's office. She knew he would be there, awake, waiting for her.
His smile when he saw her was the best thing ever. He kissed her and hugged her, unaware that he was hugging the two most important people in his life.
"Are you going to let me go or we're staying like this until shift ends?"
Before letting her go he hugged her even tighter and kissed her again. He was so relieved she was fine.
They sat on his bed, hand in hand. He couldn't stop staring at his wife, grateful that she was there with him, safe and healthy.
"What did the doctors say?"
"Nothing, I'm okay, the gas didn't hurt me."
The truth was Stella couldn't wait to tell him that she was still pregnant, that their baby was there with them. But she decided to wait for a better moment. She wanted it to be special. And doing it in a Firehouse full of snoring people wasn't the best idea.
Kelly hugged her again and they lay down together, without separating from each other.
Stella fell asleep immediately, exhausted by the day. Kelly didn't sleep at all. He checked on her all night, to see if she was still breathing.
She woke up with her head on his chest, and he was gently stroking her hair.
"Morning sleepyhead", and he kissed her on the forehead. It was still early, shift wasn't over yet.
"Hi, morning." And she kissed him with her most beautiful smile. Kelly felt in heaven.
After shift ended they returned home, hoping to forget last night's scare. Stella was so excited to help Isaiah for his Halloween party, she couldn't wait for him to finish school, be home and get ready for the night.
While Kelly was helping Isaiah with his costume, she found herself imagining what Halloween would be like next year, with their little pumpkin with blue eyes and dark curls crawling around the house, a baby she was sure would brighten their lives. She unconsciously put her hand on her belly, smiling.
When Isaiah left it was already pretty late and they decided to go to Molly's with their station gears, they didn't have time to dress up. The important thing was to be there for Hermann and his family.
Stella was finishing her makeup when Kelly entered their bedroom. She had loose hair that fell in soft curls over her shoulders and she was radiating a new light that made her even more gorgeous. Kelly thought she had never seen her more beautiful.
"You know, you should always have your hair down in the station gear. You're stunning. And sexy."
He hugged her from behind, unconsciously putting his hands on her belly. She smiled, she was used to the gesture, it was something he always did. But it was very different this time and she couldn't wait to tell Kelly. She was just thinking about the best way to do it.
"First of all, it's against the rules. And second, you wouldn't be able to focus on your job."
She was so beautiful, he couldn't take his eyes off her.
"Damn right", Kelly said with a mischievous smile and he kissed her. One of those kisses that takes your breath away. And just like that they found themselves in bed, him on top of her.
"Kelly Severide stop it right now, we don't have time for this", and she wasn't really complaining, she was actually enjoying all of this. But she wanted to reach their friends.
But he didn't listen and continued kissing her, in the neck this time. It was at that moment that she gave up.
"Ok maybe we can be late, no one will notice", she said as she took off his shirt.
That was such a perfect moment, they were happy, in love, finally home alone, everything was as it should be.
They had just started when a sudden wave of nausea caught her off guard and she run to the bathroom without saying a word.
Kelly put his shirt back on and was at his wife's side in less than 10 seconds, helping her by holding her hair back with a visibly worried expression.
"Babe I'm here, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
They stayed like that for 10 minutes, Kelly gently massaging her back.
"Now we are really late", Stella said after standing up to clean herself, Kelly always close to her in case she felt sick again. Her head was pounding and she suddenly felt really tired. Kelly held her and helped her get to the couch.
A sip of water and some crackers and she immediately felt a little better, but Kelly had already switched to his extra-worried-husband mood.
"Don't look at me like that, I'm okay. It was nothing, really, I feel better already. But I would have preferred to be late because of sex and not because of this."
Stella tried to lighten the mood but it wasn't really working.
"Do you see my face? This is the 'I don't believe you' face."
"Kelly... babe I'm okay, for real. I probably just needed to eat something." She gave him a big smile and tried to convince him with her big brown puppy eyes. She didn't want to tell him she was pregnant like that. She really wanted it to be special.
"Please, we should go now. I promise I'm okay."
"Fine. We go. But if you feel sick again, tell me and we'll leave right away."
"Copy that, lieutenant."
She got up and kissed him very softly. Kelly smiled, he wasn't really convinced that she was ok but he decided to trust his wife.
Molly's was beautiful that night, Novak had done a really great job with the decorations and all the costumes were amazing.
"Go sit at that table Kelly, I'll get drinks."
"You should rest, I can get them."
"Babe, I work here, I know where Hermann hides the best bottles", she said laughing. Truth was she had to find something to drink without alcohol and it seemed like an impossible feat that night. He was still worried about her but he didn't insist, she seemed to be doing better.
An hour passed, they were at their table, Kelly with his beer, Stella with the coke that no one noticed. He was looking at her, enchanted by his wife's beauty.
"You're staring."
"You're beautiful."
Stella smiled, rolled her eyes and got closer to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and Kelly kissed her forehead. They stayed in that position for a while, watching their friends having fun in their bizarre costumes.
Mouch's speech for Hermann had been beautiful, sweet, full of empathy and love. There were tears, laughter, hugs. Stella felt so lucky to have all those incredible people in her life. They were a real family, the kind that lasts forever.
Stella and Kelly were looking at some photos Isaiah had sent them when Violet and Novak approached them.
"Hey Sev, can we steal your wife for some girl talk?", and without waiting for an answer they grabbed her hand and took her to their table.
"For you ladies", Mouch handled each of them a beer and went to sit with Tony, Capp and Cruz not far from them.
Novak immediately took a sip and joked pointing at Stella's station gear. "Good costume, very original, we'd never seen you in that. You look amazing in grey"
"Very funny. We helped Isaiah and didn't realise how late it was, we didn't have time to dress up."
"Aww look at you, a full-time mom", Violet joined the conversation giving Stella a light shove.
The two paramedics drank their beers while Stella remained silent for a moment, lost in her thoughts, her expression softened after hearing the word mom.
"What was that?", Novak brought her back to reality.
"What? I didn’t say anything."
"Your face when Violet said mom"
"What? I... I haven't... it was nothing", she replied sounding anything but convincing.
The three women looked at each other, Violet and Novak with an intrigued expression.
"Stella Kidd. Are you hiding something from us? Is there something you want to tell us?"
"The only thing I have to say is that you have drunk too much and you're imagining things, like Cruz with that ghost. And I'm definitely too tired for this", Stella said moving the beer away from her. This made the two friends even more suspicious.
"Now excuse me but I miss my husband."
"Aww you two lovebirds"
"Goodnight girls", Stella said rolling her eyes.
Back at the loft they both collapsed on the couch, too tired to even think of doing anything. Kelly was stroking her hair softly when she suddenly sighed.
"Hey what's wrong?"
"I can't imagine what Hermann and his family are going through."
Kelly remained silent, carefully listening to his wife. He knew it was what she needed.
"They've lost everything... it... it breaks my heart. But the most important thing is that they're okay and together, all that matters." A tear ran down her cheek.
The past days had been so long and so full of emotions, she felt like she just needed a moment alone with his husband on their favourite couch. And they stayed like that for some time, loving each other silently. They both needed this.
"Kelly... there's something we have to do."
He looked at her a bit confused, "What? Sleep?"
"No", she laughed, "I want to celebrate you and your double promotion."
"I'm just filling in until Pascal returns, I keep his chair warm... not really a promotion", he laughed.
"Well, still I want to celebrate my incredible man. I'm so proud of you Kelly", and she gave him a soft kiss that made him melt in his wife's arms.
Stella's eyes were shining, she couldn't stop smiling, not even for a second. "And now Chief, we're gonna celebrate your promotion in the CFD, even if it's a temporary one, because I say so. And because I love you."
Kelly was enchanted by his wife, her kindness, her beauty, everything. He was really the luckiest man in Chicago. No. He was the luckiest in the world.
"Stella... I love you so much. I thank you every day for having met you, for having you in my life. You said you're proud of me but I am the one who's proud. I'm proud of the incredible, strong, kind, loving woman that you are."
"You're going to make me cry"
"Don't, you said it, we're here to celebrate. This is not the time to cry", and he kissed her, gently at first, more passionately later. She deepened the kiss, she wanted more. Her hands were all over his back when suddenly he broke the kiss.
"Stel wait, you said... double promotion? What did you mean?"
"Oh that! Yeah, well, we celebrate you going from Lieutenant to Chief, or whatever important role Pascal gave you", she said smiling, and she leaned on Kelly to give him another sweet kiss.
"And...", her forehead was resting on his, their eyes were still closed, "...we celebrate you going from husband to dad", she said softly.
As soon as she said it, he took a step back and stood still looking at her. Stella was almost shaking, with teary eyes, but she was showing him her most beautiful smile.
"The other day... when I went to Med... Hannah... she told me I never lost our baby, she explained that it was too early the first time and she said..."
Kelly didn't give her time to finish, he interrupted her and hugged her tightly without saying a word. He was crying. When Stella realised it she broke the hug and took his face in her hands, drying his tears with her thumb.
"Is it real? We will have a baby?, he asked in a whisper. His voice was low, almost like he was afraid saying it too loud would make it vanish.
She was lost in his beautiful blue eyes and she felt something she had never felt before. The feeling that she could do anything with her husband by her side. And that everything would be okay.
"Yes, it's real. We will have a baby Kelly"
He hugged her again and kissed her as if she was the most important thing in the universe. And she was, at least for him.
They were both crying, and laughing, and crying, and laughing again, trying to understand what had just happened and how their lives will change forever.
"We will have a baby...", he just couldn't stop saying it. Then he hugged her, lifting her up. He didn't want to let her go. He couldn't separate himself from her.
"Kelly Severide I love you but you really should put me down if you don't want me to throw up on you", she whispered in his ear.
Kelly laughed putting her down on her feet, "Oh sorry babe... I just... I can't believe it... I... I'm so happy. We will have a baby, our baby... sorry, I guess I'll have to get used to this. We will have a baby!", he was genuinely excited, like a kid at Christmas.
"Well, you have about 6 months to get used to it. After that, I want you focused Lieutenant. We're going to have a really busy year here."
He got close to her and put his hand on her still flat belly. He was the happiest man in the world.
"I can't wait", he whispered before kissing her for the hundredth time that day.
"I have to show you something. But don't hate me please", she said all excited.
Then she went to their bedroom leaving him there, alone with his thoughts. "Why should I..."
When she returned she had something in her hand.
"What's that?"
"Close your eyes."
And it was when he opened them again that he saw it, the ultrasound, in his hands. Their baby, their perfect baby was real.
"I'm sorry I did it without you, it happened so fast... I... I was scared, after what had happened I wanted to know if everything was okay before telling you, I wanted to be sure..."
"Hey, don't. I'm not angry or anything like that. I understand, really. You needed your time and I get it. And matter of fact, I will have plenty of other opportunities to see our baby."
She smiled genuinely, she was falling even more in love with him.
They sat on the couch again, Stella resting her chin on his shoulder, and they both kept staring at the picture of their beautiful baby.
"It's incredible, I... I can't believe it's real"
"Would it help make it more real if I told you I heard the heartbeat?"
"You... you what"
"Yes honey, and it was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard."
"Okay now I'm officially jealous"
"Don't be, you said it, you'll have plenty of other opportunities to see our baby."
"Damn right" and he pulled her close and kissed her as if it were the first time, excited for the new life that was awaiting them.
Everything was perfect, as it was meant to be.