Work Text:
NICKY
Nicky arrives in late fall. He steps off the boat (ship? He’ll have to learn the proper term now) onto the island and looks up at his new home for the next five years.
The sun is setting and it’s illuminating the lighthouse, painted in light yellow, and the surrounding buildings. Other than that, he can mainly see grass, cliffs and sheep.
It’s isolated and quiet. It suits him and his bruised soul.
He follows the path from the small pier upwards and tries not to think about the reasons he is here: his family and their expectations as well as Matteo and his casual dismissing of Nicky and their relationship as soon as someone more interesting came along, but it’s hard.
He really thought that Matteo was it for him. In hindsight, maybe he'd mostly tried to convince himself that he was it. For himself, but also to get the silent hope of his parents off his back that resurfaced every time one of his (few) relationships failed, that he’d find a woman and realise he was not gay after all. It was exhausting, carrying all that expectation.
He buries all those thoughts and immerses himself into his new life on the small island. That doesn’t work all the time and he spends the first few weeks occasionally standing in the surf, shouting his anger and his grief to the waves and the wind, but it gets better and the pain grows duller.
He learns to take care of the lighthouse and the surrounding buildings, goes for walks and gets to know the mostly selfsufficient sheep, he picks up driftwood from the beach and teaches himself woodworking.
It is isolated and quiet but not lonely. The postal ship comes by once a week and every so often it spits out people, ornithologists mostly, who stay in the guest house and don't bother him much. The guesthouse is self-sufficiency and self-cleaning, so he really doesn’t see them unless he actively seeks out their company. He rarely does, that first winter.
In late spring the boat spits out someone different. He walks into Nicky's kitchen like he belongs there, opens a cupboard and says "Well. The spice rack definitely has improved since your predecessor. "
He turns around and beams at Nicky, honest to god beams, and Nicky says, "Um..."
The man takes his confusion in stride and sticks out his hand.
"Hi, I'm Joe. I come here to paint for a few weeks every year and Toby and I had a friendly animosity over food and cooking. He was of the opinion that salt and pepper are all you need."
Nicky scoffs and then they're talking about harrissa, ras-el-hanout and other spices and that is it.
Joe spends a few weeks in one of the guesthouses, painting the ocean. He clearly has a different deal than the ornithologists because he uses the bigger kitchen in Nicky’s house to cook a few times.
It’s nice. Nicky works and occasionally they meet in the kitchen and talk. In the third week Joe invites Nicky to try one of his meals and from then on they spend eating a meal together at least once a week.
He learns that Joe is a painter, who does commissions for rich people who want ocean paintings in summer, and spends the winter painting stuff that he loves. He learns that he got married very young and that it didn’t work out. Joe shares easily and their humours are well-matched.
It’s nice, but Nicky isn't sad when Joe leaves at the early end of summer, reassured by the knowledge that he'll be coming back next summer.
He enjoys his second winter much more, having found his footing in the work and having found emotional balance again. He enjoys the quiet. Spends his time reading and learns to perfect his woodwork. When he feels lonely, he visits the sheep huddled together in their stall. They know him well enough to be happy to be petted by now. He learns to love the winter storms.
The second summer is much like the first. Joe comes in late spring although he stays longer this time, almost up to the fall storms. Nicky enjoys his company and their growing friendship. Joe is curious and asks a lot of questions about Nicky’s life that he isn’t ready to answer but he is always willing to back off when he feels Nicky grow tense. It’s a new feeling to have in a friendship and Nicky is grateful for it.
It's in his third winter that he starts to feel short pangs of loneliness and finds his thoughts drifting to Joe and the easy camaraderie they shared. Joe had hugged him when he left and Nicky thinks that it would be nice to have people around to hug or just sit next to on the couch reading.
JOE
Joe has been looking forward to his journey to the lighthouse much more this year. He is looking forward to seeing Nicky, their freindship having grown into an important part of his life, even though they only occasionally texted during the winter months.
Joe had hit a wave of inspiration in his art after he returned from the island and has been hauled up in his studio for much of winter and spring.
He finds Nicky in the kitchen on the first evening, he’d been out working when Joe arrived, and he folds him into a hug. He thinks he hears a soft happy sigh when Nicky leans into it.
They fall back into their shared patterns easily.
After a few weeks Joe finds his concentration wandering away from his ocean paintings more and more often. He starts to sketch the lighthouse, the sheep and Nicky doing his work. It’s been a while since he’s sketch people and he finds his gaze drifting to Nicky more often, appreciating the body shaped by physical labour.
One day, he watches him as he hauls boxes of food and other stuff off the boat and at one point has to admit that he is staring. He can’t even sell to himself that he is watching Nicky’s broad shoulders and toned arms with artistic appreciation not when he imagines how it would feel like if he ran his fingers over them.
Damn, he thinks, it’s been too long since I got laid.
He puts the sketches away, feeling weird thinking about Nicky in that way. He is his friend after all.
~
In the middle of summer, Joe walks into the kitchen late at night to get himself some dinner after losing time painting. It had been going well but now he's starving.
He hears noises from the living room and goes to check. Nicky fell asleep on the sofa, which sometimes happened when there was much physical labour that day.
This night he is tossing and turning and almost falling off the couch. When he starts making distressed noises, Joe walks over, crouches down and gently shakes his shoulder.
“Nicky, hey, wake up.”
Nicky flails upright with an alarmed noise so suddenly that Joe almost falls back on his ass in surprise. He pulls his hand back but stays crouched next to the couch.
“Nicky, it’s me. You were having a nightmare. Are you alright?”
Nicky stares at him for a solid minute before he shakes his head and unsteadily gets up. He is shaking and covered in cold sweat.
He goes to the bathroom, wrenching his shirt over his head and almost colliding with the door frame. Joe follows, worried that he might fall or hurt himself.
He silently watches Nicky drop the washcloth three times, before he takes it from him and helps him sit on the lid of the loo. Nicky goes willingly and doesn’t protest when Joe crouches down in front of him and takes his still shaking hands.
“You’re okay. You’re safe, you’re here.”
(You’re safe with me, he doesn’t say)
After a while the shaking stops and Joe takes over, softly offering words of reassurance while washing Nicky’s upper body with warm water. He doesn’t ask what Nicky dreamt about.
Afterwards, he walks Nicky to his bedroom door. Nicky stops before entering. His voice is soft when he speaks.
“Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”
Joe refrains from touching him again, although he really wants to press a comforting hand to Nicky’s back.
“I wanted to. I hope you can sleep now.”
Lying in his own bed, he realises, that after wishing to see Nicky shirtless for the past few weeks, he did not even think about his nakedness once, all he wanted was to give comfort and make him feel better. All he wanted was to hold him until he stopped shaking.
And maybe, he would have liked to keep holding him, to fold around him to fall asleep and wake up next to him and...
Oh shit, he thinks.
He talks himself out of sketching Nicky with his shirt off. It was a body bared in distress and not as an offering and it feels wrong to sketch that.
He is hyperaware of Nicky’s presence for a few days until he can calm down again and they fall back into their usual rhythm. But something has shifted between them and Joe is not sure if he is imagining it. He feels his gaze drifting to Nicky and other than before, he often finds Nicky already looking back.
One evening on the couch, Nicky suddenly and without prompting starts to tell him about his great-grandmother, her goats and her husband who kept getting into trouble with the law. It’s a funny story but Joe also sees it as an attempt to open up, something Nicky very obviously has difficulties with. It warms Joe’s heart that he is trying and even more, that he is trying for Joe.
As the weeks pass by, he finds himself falling for Nicky more and more and he’s almost giddy about it because he’s had a habbit of falling for bad people or people who didn’t love him back and not only is he certain that Nicky is good people, he also feels a growing certainty that Nicky might love him back.
With his departure looming nearer and nearer, Joe realises that he is running out of time and that he needs to do something. For his own happiness and maybe for Nicky’s, too.
NICKY
Nicky looks at the calendar and has to supress a sigh. It’s only a week and then Joe will be gone and he’ll be here, on his own, without the shared warmth, shared laughter and the growing sense of belonging.
On the other hand, he thinks that maybe Joe leaving will help him get over his growing crush. It’s not the right time and while he can feel Joe’s interest, he is not sure that it is more than physical attraction and after Matteo, he has promised himself that he will not be with someone who is not 100% there for Nicky as the whole package and not just his body.
He’ll just enjoy the last few days with Joe and then be content with his solitude again.
~
On his last evening, Joe cooks him dinner.
It’s lovely and domestic but there is an underlying tension that slowly keeps growing until, during cleaning up, Nicky bumps into Joe and Joe doesn’t move away, he just stands there, pressed against Nicky, looking at him with wide eyes.
Nicky feels a blush creeping into his cheeks and his heart starts beating faster. He knows what’s coming and he is unsure if he wants it to happen but at the same time he can’t help to keep his gaze from falling to Joe’s lips.
Joe whispers his name and leans in, softly, slowly. Nicky just stands there, heart beating out of his chest and he realises he is given so much time to decide.
The kiss is gentle, almost chaste, and Nicky is still frozen in indecision. Joe pulls back with a little frown.
“I’m sorry, I thought…. Did you not want that?”
It sounds like "Did you not want me?"
“No, I did. I do! It’s just…” Nicky hesitates because he wants to be kissed by Joe so much, wants to be kissing Joe so much, it almost hurts. It’s difficult to express, but he promised himself to protect his heart better in future, so he forces himself to continue.
“I’m not good with casual.”
The smile spreading over Joe’s face at that is beautiful but also a surprise. It starts making sense when he says, “Nicky, I wouldn’t even know how to begin to feel casual about you!”
And that’s exactly what Nicky wants to hear, but...
“But… you’re leaving tomorrow!”
At this, Joe looks down at his feet, something like embarrassment on his face.
“I though… if tonight went well, I might stay.”
He hears the words but can’t really make sense of them. Is Joe saying what he thinks he is? What he hopes he is?
“Stay? With me?”
“With you. For you.” Joe reaches out and gently takes Nicky’s hand in his. He feels so warm.
“If that’s,… do you think that’s something you could want?”
Nicky feels like he stepped into a storm and Joe’s hand is the only thing keeping him upright.
“I’ve been trying to not want that for weeks.”
He leans forwards to rest his forehead against Joe and they breathe together for a few moments, digesting the magnitude of what just happened.
Nicky’s heart is still trying to beat out of his chest, and he wonders if Joe’s is doing the same. He presses his free hand to Joe’s chest and feels his heart galloping like he just sprinted for his life.
Joe blinks. “What?”
“Nothing, just…” He grabs Joe’s hand and puts it to his own chest.
They share a smile, sweet and besotted, and so happy to not be the only one overwhelmed.
Joe is looking at him, open and bright, but he is not moving and Nicky realises that he is still waiting. He took the first step and now it is Nicky’s turn. He swallows and gently pulls Joe closer by the hand.
“Can you kiss me again, please?”
And Joe does. He moves into Nicky’s space like he belongs there (and Nicky thinks he does) and kisses him, way less chaste but never less gentle and loving.
Nicky lets himself sink into the kiss, the warmth of Joe’s body pressed to his, the feeling of his beard against his face, the way his hand is cupping Nicky’s jaw, like he is something precious.
JOE (EPILOGUE)
A few days later, Nicky walks into the living room with a steaming cup of coffee in hand at the same time Joe comes in from his guesthouse studio where he’s been painting. They almost run into each other and Joe jostles him, causing Nicky to spill coffee over his hand and a handmade rug.
Nicky hisses and switches the coffee mug to the other hand to flutter his burned hand in the air. Joe’s eyes go wide.
“Shit, Nicky, your hand!”
Joe pulls off his old painting shirt to dab at Nicky’s hand and then drops it onto the spill on the rug. He looks up to see how much pain Nicky is in and stops breathing at the look on Nicky’s face.
What he sees, plain as day, is not hurt, it’s want. Nicky is staring at Joe’s chest with something akin to hunger. They haven’t done much more than heavily make out in various spots on the island, but Joe is very willing to take it a step further. Apparently, so is Nicky.
Joe swallows audibly and for a second he is stupidly glad that he didn’t stop his workout routine during the summer, but then he remembers Nicky’s hand and focuses back on that.
“Here, let’s put your hand under water,” he says while reaching for Nicky’s arm.
Nicky shakes his head with a dismissive sound, puts his mug down and steps towards Joe with intent and Joe wants to be touched by him so badly, wants to be the only thing Nicky focuses on and... then he realises that Nicky is reaching for him with his non-dominant hand, holding the hurt one at his side awkwardly.
Joe holds up his own hand to stop him.
“Nicky, wait.”
Hurt flickers over Nicky’s face at the apparent rejection for a moment and Joe gently catches his outstretched hand in his, kissing a knuckle.
“Hurt first, possible naked times later.”
That gets him a snort and a soft smile, so Joe uses the hand he is already holding and pulls Nicky to the sink, puts his hand under water and then his arms around Nicky from behind.
He gently presses a trail of kisses on Nicky’s neck, his voice a bit rough when he whispers in Nicky’s ear.
“Never think I don’t want you. I burn for you.”
Nicky shivers and with a soft noise he leans back against Joe, trusting him to take his weight.
He lets the water cool the burns for a couple of minutes before he shuts the water off and squirms around in Joe’s arms to look at him with a happy and slightly devious smile.
“I think someone mentioned possible naked times?”
Joe laughs, happiness surging through him at being so lucky to have found this man. On a small, isolated island in the middle of a stormy sea no less.
“I could be persuaded.”