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Tsukasa squinted at the refulgent sun, canary-yellow light spilling in-between his fingers. His sunlit face was overcast from the shadow of his hand and his small frame was obscured by the tall camphor trees; its branches and evergreen leaves reached the heavens and sky, fanning out high-above Tsukasa's figure and bespeckling him in sunlight.
He tilted his chin upwards as his gaze traced the tree trunk, ascending with the height of it until he switched to another one, repeating the process over and over again.
"Not there... Not there either..." Tsukasa absentmindedly said. It had already been a few hours since he started searching. The sun barely peeked out from the horizon when he first came outside, now it was overhead.
His clothes and hair swayed in the summer wind, with light and shadow moving to and fro across his body, accompanied by the soft rustle of flora. A brief and idle hum vibrated from his throat, sung with no specific rhythm or tune.
Suddenly, Tsukasa exclaimed in delight once he spotted what he came outside for and he ran without an ounce of conscious thought other than pure instinct. His heart thrummed in his chest while adrenaline roared in his blood. The forest in his peripheral vision became indistinct, fuzzy hues of viridity.
The woodland path and its elements were crushed underfoot in Tsukasa's excitement. Stony detritus and gravel were kicked aside, colliding with the exposed tree roots that Tsukasa nimbly lept over. Ground vegetation stomped down into flat shapes resembling a road, or a path of devil-may-care destruction.
Tsukasa ran further into the forest, his honest and childish heart fixated on fulfilling the unspoken, dishonest wishes of Amane with zero intent of looking back. He never would, because he only lived in the present moment.
In simple, unmistakable truth, it was pure apathy and misaligned selfishness.
Tsukasa abruptly decelerated himself with the aid of low-hung branches, tearing the skin of his palms as he skidded to a halt before the twisted camphor tree. His momentum dragged in a short gust of wind, sweeping evergreen leaves around his feet. He raised his head sharply, panting as he surveyed the length of the tree trunk.
There, Tsukasa saw a cluster of crawling beetles coloured in murky tones, dimmed even further by the vague lighting. Instantly, his eyes gleamed with satisfaction and anticipation, crinkling into crescent moons.
Incessant stridulations resounded the atmosphere, high-pitched and ambient. It drowned out the forest's susurrus, swallowing up his senses to submerge him in deafening silence.
Tsukasa stepped forward, the stinging sensation in his palms and dripping blood from his fingertips were dismissed. Nothing mattered more than Amane. Within the monotony of sound, the shrill beetles and the almost rhythmic drops of blood sang its unheeded woes.
He dug his fingers into the tree bark, tugging it to test its firmness. Debris fell from the gaps, running down the grooves of the tree. A short hum of contemplation emitted from his throat. Tsukasa glanced up at the height of the twisted tree, mapping out a potential route.
All the branches were considered as long as they were present in suitable positions, regardless of stability. Whether it was narrow, flimsy, or spindly branches to climb on; it didn't matter to him, it wasn't something that concerned him.
Without further thought, Tsukasa hoisted himself up on the closest branch with a hop. He lightly swung in place while kicking his feet to gain momentum. His grip slipped once his bleeding palms weakened the friction, yet he reacted immediately and swung his legs over the next branch.
Now hanging upside-down, Tsukasa mirthfully celebrated and let out an excited cheer, waving his arms in elated circles. His eyes sparkled like golden stars, spiraling madness and hilarity, its radiance seemingly running wild in orbit and wanting to fly to other skies.
"Amane...!" Tsukasa impulsively cried out, his immediate thoughts geared towards having Amane experience this moment with him. He glanced at the ground and his next cry of 'Amane!' died down in his throat before it had the chance to be heard. Nobody was there, and Tsukasa was forced to recall that his older twin brother was in his room.
Even if Tsukasa shouted and screamed, due to the vast perimeter of their backyard and how far he ventured in, Amane wouldn't show up.
Just like inside the Red House.
Tsukasa shook his head and flashed a bright smile, he curled himself upwards and stood up on the branch. Accompanied by a worsened sense of carelessness and abandon, Tsukasa climbed and climbed on the misshaped branches. Some trembled under his weight, and others crackled and bent, splintered wood raining down on the Earth below.
After several minutes and a few near-deaths, Tsukasa was face to face with the crawling cluster. The continuous buzz overwhelmed his ears, stirring an uncontrollable sense of annoyance, so he impulsively squashed one beneath his hand. It wasn't until he heard a faint squelch that Tsukasa comprehended what he did.
"Ah." Tsukasa muttered in discontent, still smiling. His feelings and expression incompatible.
He turned his palm facing him and stared at the conspicuous crimson in comparison to the blackened insect remains. For a few sporadic heartbeats, he wanted to lick up his palm. If it tasted good, then he can share it with Amane. It was a tempting thought that became even more agreeable the longer Tsukasa thought about it; yet he knew how Amane would respond, so he can't.
Amane's picky with his food, and doesn't like dark colored food. He also doesn't like it when Tsukasa eats yucky food; Amane makes a weird face.
It was better to collect the beetles and bring them to Amane first. Tsukasa wanted to show scaredy-cat Amane the non-scarniess of insects and how weak they are! Then, Amane can have fun with them and play with him!
Once Tsukasa dissects them and demonstrates every organ and limb to prove their weakness, Amane will finally realize he's stronger than them. Afterwards, the two can have fun with the insects and make armies or orchestrate battles. A perfect plan that promised endless enjoyment!
Tsukasa steadied himself on the precariously thin branch, stretching out his arms to act as a balancing weight. The thin branch audibly groaned and chipped. He held his breath when the thin branch lowered itself, but it remained connected to the tree. Wasting no more time, he scooped up a handful of beetles, the cluster of them crawling up his arms in an instant.
One of them reached his shoulder and buzzed, Tsukasa instinctively straightened his spine and tilted his head away. In a matter of seconds, he lost his balance and tipped sideways, leaning towards a non-existent support.
He was going to fall.
Tsukasa swiftly clasped his hands together in front of his chest, the wind whistling in his ears as he fell. His first and only thought was about protecting the beetles, so Tsukasa didn't rotate his body or shield his head, aiming to land on his back. Amane will be sad if Tsukasa presents him with squashed insects.
The beetles squirmed between his palms, their stridulations unending. He felt the multitude of legs claw at his torn skin, generating an itchy and uncomfortable sensation.
Amane is going to like his gift. Amane will be happy and smiling. Tsukasa fantasized with a wide, bright grin, his eyes sparkling in merriment. He couldn't hear anything over the rapid, exhilarated beating of his heart. The world became blindingly white, too bright to see a thing except the canary-yellow sunlight peeking through the evergreen leaves. His senses were too muted, too piercing. All of it was intense ringing, ringing, and ringing.
Tsukasa felt the sharp, blistering heat erupt throughout his body before the realization that he hit the ground. An involuntary cry of pain expelled from his mouth, an earsplitting sound that sounded too familiar for his liking.
His lungs burned and ached with each stuttering breath, his knee throbbed and felt numb, while everything seemed so far away and faint and excessive all at once. It hurts. His arms shook as he raised them above his face, gingerly opening a small gap between his palms. There, only two beetles were what was left of the handful.
A smile appeared on Tsukasa's face, even if it hurt to do so. He protected Amane's gift, so it was worth it. Lowering his arms to his chest, he waited patiently for the magic to arrive. Haziness enveloped his senses, a familiar routine, he's used to waiting.
Tsukasa watched the sun beyond the evergreen leaves and towering trees, saw as it went west to travel elsewhere. Twinkling starlight began to replace the dimming sunlight, appearing in multitude. Eventually, Tsukasa felt the changes as the magic healed his body.
The magic penetrated his blood and veins like a flowing stream of icy water, the chill so low it burned like fire. Tsukasa's mind quickly sought asylum within the pitch-black nothingness of oblivion, the pain itself overburdened his senses that all it could do was retreat. His torn skin, the twisted ligaments and muscles, plus the disarrangement of his bones were healed in this painful manner. Relentlessly. Obsessively.
Tsukasa's secret friend was lonely and naïve, therefore it wouldn't allow him to leave it behind, even in death. However, since Tsukasa wanted to wait for Amane to fulfill his prophesied destiny, the secret friend healed him instead of dragging him back to their home. It would grant him that much at least; after all, time wasn't a concern for either of them.
Some time later, Tsukasa's unconscious hold slackened and the two beetles fled the scene, rushing through the grass and past the perceivable range. His limbs twitched and spasmed violently, the abrupt recovery confusing his nervous system. Tsukasa's breathing became erratic and his face paled, the intense pain sending his body into overdrive.
His sole fortune during this was that he remained unconscious, too incoherent to be able to remember the pain. The spilled blood flew back to him, rushing to his open wounds and sealing itself off; the only evidence he was injured was his torn clothing.
If Tsukasa was awake and held a mirror to his face, he would see the parallels between himself and the sick Amane that once existed six months ago. Pale skin soaked in cold sweat, weak cries, and unstable breaths that sounded like it would be his last.
A version of his beloved twin that was erased from the indefinite future, forevermore. He made it that way, it was something only he could do. Really, it wasn't like Amane would miss Tsukasa. It was Tsukasa who returned because he missed Amane. It was only him who felt empty and lonely.
Since Amane hates Tsukasa; and Tsukasa loves Amane.
Tsukasa's hand twitched and gradually his fingers curled inward, forming a loose fist, but there was nothing to grasp. He tiredly blinked his eyes open, his mind lost in a confused daze. He subconsciously turned his head to the left—Amane's side of the bedroom—and abruptly realized he wasn't in the place he hoped he was in.
Right, he fell down from the tree and hit the ground. Tsukasa absentmindedly glanced down at his chest to see his empty hands that were devoid of blood. When he lifted his hands above his face, there was no shakiness. He was healed, again.
"Aww, they're gone?" he pouted, his light-hearted voice clashing against the quiet night. Tsukasa naturally sat up and criss-crossed his legs, surveiling the area with his eyes to see if any beetles had fallen nearby. Mm, would Amane be understanding if he brought him squashed beetles? Tsukasa giggled at the thought. Dead and squashed! Amane would hate it!
"Beeeetles, where are you!" Tsukasa excitedly called out, cupping his hands around his mouth, his smiling expression at odds with his supposed concern in finding them. Yellow-gold eyes dull as stones. He raised the volume of his voice as loud as he could, shouting at the top of his lungs in glee. "Beetles, beetles, beetles, are we playing hide-and-seek!?" his loud cries echoed throughout the forest. Yet, the mean and selfish beetles didn't run back to become Amane's gift. How rude.
From within Tsukasa's heart, a distorted voice spoke to him, sounding like something that shouldn't exist or be acknowledged. It sounded like—"Does... Tsukasa-kun... Want..." It grew silent after speaking a few words. Well, after departing from the Red House it became hungrier, but there were no sacrifices, so it became weaker instead.
Tsukasa didn't mind, he understood what it was implying anyways. He was the one who taught it to speak in the first place.
Mm, Tsukasa shook his head and gave an irrefutable response. "No, I'm saving my wish for Amane. Amane, Amane! For him!" he emphasized several times, as though Amane was the perfect explanation that required no further justification. Because it was Amane, what else would Tsukasa ever need when that was enough?
Silence was its response, but Tsukasa knew how lonely it was; therefore, it would always listen in and observe. It made sure Tsukasa wouldn't run, and wouldn't attempt to break their promise now that he realized how much he missed Amane.
"I won't leave you." Tsukasa comforted, a far-away look in his gaze. "We made a promise, I'm not going anywhere." he concluded with cold finality in his childish voice, ill-fitted for a boy his age, his face masked by an eerie calmness. "I'm never going to grow up, I'm never going to see Amane as a grown-up, and I'm never leaving our home again."
A burst of warmth—anticipation, perhaps?—flooded Tsukasa's chest. A sensation belonging to the distorted voice. Of course it was happy, Tsukasa was its precious sacrifice and vessel, the one who offered his own life, and it loves promises as much as it loves fulfilling wishes. Those at the bottom of the well can verify that, blackened and drowning perpetually.
Tsukasa's head perked up when he heard fallen leaves audibly being crushed underfoot, and he turned his head at the direction of the sound. Awkwardly moving through the low-hung branches and lumpy roots was Amane!
Tsukasa immediately yelled out, euphoria filling his lungs and bloodstream. "Amane! Amane, Amane!" Despite his earlier thoughts, he excitedly wondered why Amane was here. Were they finally going to play together? Should Tsukasa find the beetles again? Was Amane going to kill him?!
"Tsukasa!" Amane cried out in surprise, his face twisted in concern. He stumbled backwards a bit when Tsukasa jumped into his arms, instinctively catching him. He ignored the excited cries of his name from Tsukasa. "Tsukasa, it's late! Why didn't you come home—"
Tsukasa was too overwhelmed with happiness to notice Amane suddenly cutting himself off, not until Amane pushed Tsukasa back by his shoulders. The younger twin stubbornly kept his legs locked around Amane's waist, observing Amane's pale expression with not-so-subtle curiosity.
"Your shirt-!" Amane panicked, frantically pushing Tsukasa off of him. Tsukasa only tightened his grip on Amane's shoulders. "Tsukasa, you're hurt! Stand up!"
Hearing the tense tone in Amane's voice, Tsukasa decided it'd be better to listen for now. Unless he wanted Amane to start crying from frustration. Once he planted his feet on the Earth, Amane immediately lifted Tsukasa's shirt up, only to pause when not a single wound was present.
"... How? Your shirt is covered in holes, how is there no-?" Amane glared at Tsukasa's shirt bunched in his hands, as if it held the answers to the universe. Tsukasa smiled at Amane's funny expression, full of growing confusion and bewilderment.
"What's so funny?" Amane mumured, glancing up at Tsukasa. He ruffled Tsukasa's hair in retaliation when the other wouldn't stop giggling. Amane inspected Tsukasa's arms, neck, and face for injuries or scratches, but found nothing.
Finally giving up when his inspection gave no results, Amane gave Tsukasa a strange look. A complex look! Tsukasa's smile widened, his eyes crinkling into crescent moons. Sighing, Amane dropped Tsukasa's shirt and held his hand. He used his other hand to pat Tsukasa's head. "Come on, let's go home. Okay, Tsukasa?"
Tsukasa stared at his hand, now held in Amane's, and happily nodded. "Okay!"
Amane's face immediately showed a look of relief, thankful that he didn't have to spend an hour convincing Tsukasa that home wasn't suffocating or that having a bed to sleep in was better than the park benches. No matter how much Tsukasa insisted that he could join him and go stargazing.
He didn't understand why Tsukasa became so reluctant and restless at home, always eager to leave as soon as he woke up. Even skipping breakfast and lunch! Amane was also too afraid to ask why Tsukasa dislikes being home now, in case Tsukasa decided to never come back home. He couldn't handle that. Not ever.
"Why did you stay outside so late anyways?" Amane casually asked, using the dim moonlight to navigate their way back.
"I was looking for beetles to show Amane!"
"... Tsukasa, I already told you that I don't like-"
"-yeah, but I could convince you!"
"No way. Nuh-uh."
"Meanie."
"Dumb-dumb." Amane laughed, tightening his grip on Tsukasa's hand. After a brief silence, he spoke up. "If you want to play, invite me. I'm not sick anymore."
Tsukasa didn't respond. Not for a long while. Then he said, "Yeah, Amane's healthy now! We can go beetle-catching tomorrow!"